


Reluctant Hero

by AmayaOkami



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Abuse, Alcohol/Drug addiction, Canon Universe, Coming of Age, First Love, Horny!Hormonal!Angry!Eren, Kidnapping, M/M, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Prostitution, Rape/Child Molestation Mention, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Build, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, The tags seem depressing but half the time it's awkward humor, Thug!Stripper!Bottom!Levi (oh my), Universe Alteration, commitment issues, dubcon, lots of issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-01-11 11:30:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 23
Words: 234,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1172541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmayaOkami/pseuds/AmayaOkami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi has a personal vendetta when the unforeseen murder of his crew occurs. In the midst of finding the culprit, he's left with no other choice but to take unfortunate children under his wing. After facing good and bad times together, they soon discover their situations aren't so different and help each other find what they're looking for most. </p><p>A/N: ErenxLevi eventually becomes the main pairing, but he's too young right now (there will be a timeskip after chapter 16.) For now, enjoy some ErwinxLevi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Act l: Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in Wall Sina a while after the breach in the Shiganshina District. The story revolves around Levi's back story and his days as a thug before enlisting in the military. Oh, and just to satisfy my urge to see Levi doing cute stuff like taking care of children, I made it so Eren and Mikasa went to look for their father instead of joining the military right away.

I tried. That was all I was able to say. I fucking tried. I tried to protect them. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry that I failed. I repeated these words over and over again as I looked down at the stiff, lifeless bodies of my friends near my feet. Their eyes were set on me, but could no longer see; they would never see me again and after I walked away, I would never see them again either. The last image their eyes captured was this filthy hellhole—never to see a new shitty day. I didn't know if I was mournful or envious.

This world is bitter and held no place for people like us, but being together just made it  _that much_  more bearable. Waking up while knowing you had people you trust made it worth rising—otherwise I'd never leave my bed, maybe just to get myself intoxicated but that would be on a  _good_  day. Without them, life was going to get even shittier and in my state of shock, I couldn't even process that yet. And it was a good thing, because I probably would have lost my head if the realization hit right here on the spot.

What a shame. What a damn fucking shame. They deserved so much better, and I wanted to provide them with that. But now I'll never be given the chance. They were gone. I'll never see the light shine in those eyes again. I'll never hear their playful bickering amongst each other. It was over. I was alone. Why I haven't died with them was a mystery. I was clueless.

But I was glad to be alive—if I was still breathing, revenge was still possible.

And to think I was having a smoke with a drink in hand just a few hours prior while I listened to them debate some stupid, trivial matter. I wish I could recall what they were saying. I couldn't have known at the time, but it would be the last time I heard them speak. The memory, regrettably, failed to come back to me and their words were long since gone.

Our hideout—our safe haven from those crooked assholes that called themselves the Military Police—was calling for me, but when I remembered I'd be going back solo with no one there to welcome me, my feet changed direction. I needed a drink. Funny how I said  _a drink_  because by the time an hour past, I couldn't even stand up right on the stool. My body was hunched over, arms sprawled out on the counter as I nursed what was likely my twelfth beverage. Other big-ass morons could handle more liquor in one sitting, but I unfortunately had what would be considered a small body, and so I was honestly surprised I didn't get alcohol poisoning yet.

It was late. I would surely be thrown out soon, but I was too drunk to care. If they wanted me out badly enough, let them scoop up my ass and throw me to the curb. I was used to being thrown away like a filthy piece of trash anyways. It's what I deserved. I was trash. I couldn't protect them even after we all promised to look out for each other. They were gone and never coming back.

If I was capable of crying, I would; I would cry until there wasn't a drop of fucking moister left in this pathetic body. Hell, sobbing like a miserable drunk sounded like a good time right about now, but my eyes refused to free my tears. _Heaven fucking forbid_ if some of this emotional weight was released from me—maybe it was all meant to be tucked away deep until the day I finally snapped.

Clumsily, I set the rim of the glass to my lips and prepared my stomach for the last toxic gulp that would pollute it. The liquor was crude, but it was cheap and made me forget who I was for a while. I wasn't complaining.

A few moments later I found myself sitting on the cold curb after being physically dragged out by the collar by a filthy hand. The nerve of some people. If they didn't want my not-so-hard-earned money, then fine. I'll find better places to drink. But that would have to be another day. I doubted highly that any other bars were open this late. Reluctantly, I settled for going back home.

Another time, I would throw a fit if I returned home to such an untidy sight—I would give out cleaning orders to all responsible for the mess. Even if they were nestled in their beds or busy with other matters, I'd still get them to clean up—but tonight, I let the mess remain. I couldn't bear to touch one of those dirty glasses that was being sipped off of happily a few hours ago and I couldn't find the will to scrub away all the stains they made while roughhousing.

The messes they left behind was the last of their existence in this place. Once it was gone, they would be too. Other than my own memories, there was nothing else to remember them by. No photos or important belongings other than a few second-hand clothing laying around.

It was a miracle I even found my way back to this shithole, never mind my own bed. I was blessed with yet another miracle when I fell asleep instantaneously, but the unpleasant dreams that came to me was the price I paid for such easily-obtained luxuries.

I woke with a start when loud bashing at the front door rescued me from my nightmares. Though, I wasn't being saved when I realized who could be on the other side of the door. Whoever was knocking definitely was not friendly.


	2. Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A knock at the door stirs Levi from his nightmares and he's greeted by a small boy in need of some help. Levi is left with no other choice but to offer some hospitality.

The neighborhood I resided in was located right along Wall Sina. It was the rattier side of town that was  _regrettably_  conceived when gangs began to form around the city. I bet the classy fucks didn't like that too much, but there was no getting rid of these neighborhoods now. It wasn't as bad as the North District.  _Never_ step foot over there if you had anything more than one brain cell.

Everyone, even the idiot nobles and lowlives like myself knew better than to visit that area. Whether it was day or night, you'd likely not return alive. Nothing but meaningless murders, sex slaves and drug trafficking (that last part was no stranger to my side of town, though).

Where I lived wasn't too bad with the exception of a few local gangs that specialized in drug activity and robberies, but it was all harmless fun. They'd never kill anyone or start trouble with innocent pedestrians. We were above mindless crime like that.

The not-so-abandoned underground city and tunnels were another world all together. This was where all the illegal transactions were negotiated. You could keep your guard down while browsing the black markets and buyable sex. Keep in mind, there were still territories to respect, but there was no worry about police barging in and raiding the place. If men in uniform were walking through there, they were just as crooked as the rest of us. They earned extra cash on the side by selling new or nearly mint-condition 3D Maneuver Gear, weapons, and firearms.

For a brief moment, I was wondering why no one was answering the god damn door, but then I remembered. Right, I was alone. My friends are dead. Gotcha.

Even though my hangover was telling me to get back to sleep, it looked like I had no other choice but to get myself up.

First, I retrieved my watch that I had set on the nightstand before crashing. Even though I slept in my clothes, I didn't want to risk breaking it when I rolled around in bed. Not like it mattered, I stole it off some guy who was too stupid to realize I was snooping through his pocket. If you're going to be that stupid, you don't deserve the watch.  _I_  deserve the watch.

7:10. That's what the time said. Given that the den was always so dark, (it was on the basement floor with steps leading up to the street, therefore it lacked any windows) I thought the time suggested it was seven in the morning, but then I remembered I didn't even get back until it was around five a.m. It must be nighttime, then.

Damn, one night alone and I already slept in.

I told myself it wasn't time for dark humor as I returned the watch to my wrist and straightened out my blouse a bit. Not that a gave a fuck what I looked like right now, it was just out of habit to uncrease my clothes.

Another moment later and I was facing the door with my pistol tucked in the waistband of my pants. I'm no murderer, it's just this isn't a safe neighborhood and I don't get any visitors. Precautions must be made. Not to mention, I had a fuck load of enemies from the North District that I could only assume were tracking me down at this very moment. I thought of ignoring the knock, but I rather answer while I was prepared then have someone bust the door down.

I flung the door open and my line of sight was caught with snow falling steadily downwards. The wind was howling and rushing into my ears. It was freezing. The brisk wind sent a chill right through me, not that it was much warmer in the house, but the contrast between now and being under the blankets was noticeable.

Amazing how fast the temperature could change. Last night wasn't too bad, but then again I couldn't even remember my own name. I doubted I remembered the temperature accurately—too heated with rage and intoxication, probably.

I was about to shut the door, settling on the idea that the wind made the sound of knocking, but a few strains of brown flicked up with the wind and grabbed my attention.

A boy. A very small boy was shivering below me. He looked nearly blue. If he stood out in the cold any longer I was sure he would be mistaken for an ice sculpture in no time.

"Tch. What are you, an idiot? Go home." Stupid kid. It was too cold to be pulling pranks—maybe things changed since I was a kid, but when we played ding-dong-ditch, we actually  _ditched_.

A heavy (and quite surprisingly blunt) shove had forced the door open again after I attempted to shut it behind me. Between his chattering teeth, I made out a single, slurring word.

"Medicine."

I crooked my brow down at him. Very far down at him; the kid was ridiculously short. Shorter than I was when I was a kid, maybe. Then again, I stopped growing shortly after so I shouldn't tease too bad.

It was actually distracting to look down at someone. I didn't come into contact with many kids; only dumb teenage punks that hit a growth spurt early in life. It was interesting to engage in conversation at this angle—if you could even call this a conversation. What the hell did that kid say again?

"Please. Do you have any medicine?"

I shifted my weight onto one hip, boring into the boys glassy eyes that looked about to shatter. After suspiciously trying to figure out why, I gave up and asked, "Why you asking me for? Do I look like a fucking pharmacy to you?"

The boy's head had heaved back with bulging eyes, almost in awe at the tone an adult figure used toward him, but he looked far too determined on this little mission of his to let it faze him too long.

"Just give me some medicine! If you're going to say no like everyone else, then don't waste my time anymore!"

If anyone was wasting peoples time, it was this stupid (and incredibly loud) kid, but that's not the part of his words I latched onto. I replayed it in my head before asking, "Why do you need medicine so badly?"

Honestly, it wasn't surprising that the kid got told no by others. Medicine was expensive and this was the poor side of town. No one's going to give such luxury items away for free to some random, snot-nose kid knocking on your door. Even those with some to spare wouldn't give it away to a young kid. These days even children, in this neighborhood at least, are into some hard drugs, so they might think he's just trying to get high. For some reason, I didn't get that impression about him, but I could be wrong.

"Why do you care? If you're not going to give me any, then I'm leaving." The boy had tighten his fist, his chattering lips curling up in anger. He was about to walk back up the steps, but turned back around slowly when I began to speak.

"Who said I'm not giving you any? But I want to know why—that's part of the deal. Nothing's free, kid." I almost wanted to laugh at myself right on the spot. Who was I to lecture kids? When I was his age, if I needed medicine I'd take myself to the shop, take it right off the shelf, and leave. No exchange of any kind required.

So it was a lie, many things are free if you're willing to steal, but there was a sense of honesty in this kid, you can sense it in his alarmingly bright teal-green eyes and I liked that in a way. He was still a rude prick, nonetheless.

The boy was looking down at his shoes, which were riddled in holes, dirt and soaking from the wet snow. He looked to be gathering his thoughts because his face went through a far range of emotions before he finally spit out, "My sister is sick...and we can't afford a doctor. I think she might die tonight if I don't get her some medicine."

Tears started swirling in his eyes. As much as I felt sorry for the kid and his sob story, I prayed he wouldn't start bawling and screaming; that was one of the many reasons why I detested children. Besides, my hangover wouldn't react kindly to that kind of noise.

"Deals a deal, I'll give you some medicine. Come in—but take off your shoes first." I gave him a stern glare, which seemed to be enough to make my point across because he slipped out of his dirty shoes and set them neatly to the side.

"Don't mind the mess." I said as I escorted him to the bathroom where the medicine was stored.

"Whatever, I don't mind."

I hooked my head over my shoulder. "Well, you should."

"You just told me  _not to mind_  and now you're telling me I _should_? You're weird, but I guess all old guys are."

This  _brat_ was getting on my nerves already and I just met him less than five minutes ago. Unbelievable. If he wanted to help that damn sister of his so badly, why was he being rude to the only person willing to help him?

"Excuse you, but I'm twenty-four. That's not old."

"That's  _really_ old. You lived two of my lives."

"I'm surprised a stupid kid like yourself figured that math out."

Based on that, he was twelve. A very annoying, rude and loud twelve year old.

It felt like a long time since I been his age. Maybe he's right, maybe I am old. I was surprised he didn't argue back after I called him stupid, but perhaps he knew he was. Hm, a stupid person who's smart enough to realize how stupid they are. Fascinating.

I should be sleeping right now or numbing my senses with more booze, but no, I welcomed this problem-child into my home.

…Why did I let him in my house again? Am I still drunk or—oh, right. Medicine.

Opening the cabinet shelf, (which was packed with enough drugs to put a clinic out of business) I shuffled through the various bottles and wavered two in my hands as I read the labels. "What do you need, exactly?"

The annoying kid decided to become more annoying by pushing his way into the small bathroom. Peeking his big head around the door, he examined the contents in the cabinet. "Why do you have so many pill bottles? Are you a drug dealer?"

My eyes widened, as if insulted, and I lashed at him with a phoney sounding "no". How come I was able to convincingly lie to cops right to their face, but not to a kid? Is it that child's 'innocence' clinging to me or something? Gross, I want it off me.

"I bet you you rob people too."

"What makes you say that?" My voice tottered. I take it back, this kid was sharp.

"You just look the type—even though you're really tiny compared to normal adults."

"Excuse you, brat? If you haven't noticed, I'm taller than you."

"Yeah but I'm twelve. I'll get taller. What did you say your age was, forty?"

I hissed through my teeth. I hated this kid. What he's saying might be the truth (other than the exaggeration on my age) but he doesn't have to be disrespectful to an adult who's trying to help. Not like I was much of a grown-up figure, but an adult nonetheless. At least when I was his age, I knew how to respect adults—with the exception of authority figures.

"Do you want your fucking medicine or not? Go grab what you need and get out."

The kid had given me a face almost as deadly as my own as he ruffled through the cabinet, knocking down a few bottles in the process. I wasn't too worried about him stumbling upon something illegal—that was out of his reach (even mine if I didn't have a stool nearby). All that remained on the middle and bottoms shelves were strictly just medicine.

God knows why we have so much. It's not like we're running a fucking clinic here. We did often get into brawls on the street; I guess painkillers and sleeping pills were necessary. The drugs on the top shelf was self-explanatory. As for the rest of the medication, I didn't know why we had it.

I held my weight up on the door frame, arms folded as I looked away from the boy searching through the shelves. "We" didn't exist anymore, it was just me. It would take time to get used to, but it wasn't pleasant to be reminded that they were all gone again. How many more fucking times will I have to be reminded that they were dead?

In need for a distraction, I peered at the boy who was reading the labels of the bottles carefully, his brows were settled deep into his lids. He looked like he was under an angry, clueless trance.

"Just tell me what's wrong with your sister and I'll tell you what she needs." What was I, a fucking doctor now? I was just as clueless as the boy when it came to medicine, but it was pathetic to see him studying the bottles so carefully when I could probably find it much faster and have him on his own way by now.

"I don't know, we can't go to a doctor, remember?"

"Then tell me the symptoms."

The boy finally looked away from the bottle and stared at me with the saddest eyes. It took me back. Earlier I had said that being twelve felt like a long time ago, but it felt closer than ever. I remember seeing eyes like that.

The boy took a second longer to speak, seemingly lost at where to start, "...She hasn't woken up in a few days and she's done nothing but cough in her sleep...and her breathing becomes so shallow that sometimes I don't think she's breathing at all. Her heartbeat is slow, she has a high fever and does nothing but shake. When she eats, she can't keep it down and—"

The boy trailed off, listing off ever little symptom in a confusing order. His brain must be scrambled with worry for her, it was clearly written all over his face.

Honestly, I didn't know what to tell him. I didn't know enough about illnesses to help him pick out a medicine that would magically cure her—I didn't even know if I  _had_  medicine to help her. As much as I hated this thought for coming into my head, I really didn't think she had a chance of living much longer based off what he told me.

"Where are your parents during all this? Are they at home with her now?" It was the only thing I could think of saying without upsetting him, but I seemed to do  _just that_ anyways.

His features flinched, then returned to looking aggravated. "It's just me and Mikasa."

Mikasa. I could only assume that was his sick sister's name. It was an interesting name, I never heard it before.

"So she's home alone right now?" Shit. Wait. Something just occurred to me. If these kids didn't have parents; claiming it's just him and his sister, it was safe to assume this kid didn't have a home. It was not a rare sight to see homeless around here, but it was rare to see homeless children.

Now that I was looking closer at his tattered clothes and the twitch-worthy dirt masking his skin, it all became clear. This kid came in from the streets. No wonder his sister is so sick—if they are seriously out in this cold, I'm surprised the both of them aren't dead.

This kid had a lot of tolerance to be the one fetching medicine while staying in good health, but he also had pride—I could tell from the moment I seen him. Therefore, I didn't want to bluntly confirm the guess of them being homeless in fear of hurting his feelings (I'm not _that much_ of an asshole). Instead, I tried to get the answer from him another way.

I still couldn't believe what was about to come out of my mouth, but it did. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was making a _huge_ commitment.

"Wouldn't it be wiser to just bring your sister here? That way, I could see for myself what's wrong with her and I can give her the right medicine. Then you two should just stay here for the night—you know, just to make sure the medicine definitely worked."

That wasn't a total lie, but the offer wasn't my true intention—based off the boy's explanation of her sickness, I didn't  _need_  to see her condition, I could have searched through the cabinet for something to aid the fever at least, then send him on his way.

But...I had a feeling I wouldn't be able relax knowing there were two kids freezing out in the cold. I been there, I knew how much it sucked. I knew the type of depressing thoughts that ran into your head when you're huddled around a small fire pit with no roof over your head. At least this kid had his sister, I was alone when I was in his spot. In a way maybe it wasn't any better, considering her condition.

The boy looked up at me and for the first time his features softened. He looked even more stupid...but in a cute way. I refused to pull my eyes away until he gave me an answer. He finally spoke, seemingly trying hard not to sound too thrilled, but I could tell he was grateful.

"Is that...really okay?"

I nodded, feeling it wasn't necessary to repeat myself. If I did, I might realize how ridiculous it was and change my mind.

The boy smiled and ran past me. "I-I'll go get her...!" By the time I made it into the living to see him off, his smile faded.

"This...isn't a joke, right? You're not going to just lock the door behind me and laugh when I come back?"

My brows spiked up. I know I could be a cruel bastard, but hell, I'd never do that to kids, no matter how bratty they are. The fact he even _had_  this fear gave me a bad feeling in my stomach, and it wasn't last nights alcohol disagreeing with me—him and his sister probably had a lot of false promises given to them and lots of disappointment. I knew that feeling far too well. It kind of comes with the package when you live that type of life.

My brows returned to their comfortable, low spot on my face as I said, "I'll be here waiting. Hurry up."

I wasn't a miracle worker and I didn't intend on being a saint that made a habit out of turning around kids lives that had it rough. Nothing could change that, really. It life wanted to give you the shitty end of the stick, you can't replace it with a nicer stick because if you do, it's just going to get shitty again. Some things are meant to be, and some people never catch a break.

Sometimes, one— _dare I say it_ —act of kindness could make a difference. Not that I wanted to look at it that way, but as I seen it, life was shitty, but if you put yourself around good people, it becomes a little more bearable.

It took him longer than I thought to come back. It was only after he left that I realized I should have gone with him. If his sister is unable to move, then that suggested he has to carry her here. The thought slipped my mind at the time. All I could do was hope the small boy could manage on his own.

After I hearing what sounded like a solid kick on my door, I picked up the coffee I had just brewed and unlatched the lock. I immediately backed up as the boy carried in an unconscious girl that looked to be close to the same age as him. I paid no mind to all the dirt and slush he tracked in from his shoes as he walked across the floor and set her on the couch gently.

I took a sip of my coffee as I studied her. She had shoulder-length black hair and pale white skin. It only took me a brief moment to realize these two weren't related by blood; they didn't look alike at all—they didn't even share the same race. The closest guess I could make is that she's Asian, even though I couldn't be sure; I never actually seen anyone of that race in person before. It was rare to come by, apparently.

The rising in her chest was almost unnoticeable. The boy was right, it was almost like she wasn't breathing at all out of those chapped lips.

"I'll go get some blankets." She was cold, I could tell from her shivering. Her clothing was hardly appropriate for this season, but two honest kids like them rather be cold than steal a coat for themselves. Not me, though. When I was out on the streets, I got myself a fur coat some snobby bitch had draped lazily over her shoulders (over her other fur coat, how tacky). It was ugly, but hey, it was warm.

I cloaked the thick blanket over the small girl all the way up to her cheeks and almost immediately some color returned to her face. After tucking her in tight, I spun around with another blanket in hand.

"Oi, brat." Unlike the way I carefully placed the blanket on Mikasa, I threw the other blanket over the boys head. "Wrap yourself up, I don't need  _two_  sick children in my house."

Without adding any rude comments, he actually obeyed and took a seat on the edge of the cushion beside his sister. It was pretty cold in here since I hadn't put the fireplace on in well over twenty-four hours now, so there was an evident chill in the room.

While I was tending to getting the pit lit, the boy walked over to me as I was kneeling over, still trying to get the damn thing burning. Usually I never took this job because it involved ash and getting it on you, but I had little choice right now.

The boy was watching me struggle for a while until I finally managed to make a fire. His body and head were wrapped in the blanket as he spoke in a whisper, "Why are you being so nice to us?"

He studied me; the flickering of the freshly lit flames danced on his features that suddenly shifted. "…You...You aren't a child molester, right?"

". . . . . ."

"Oh God, you are, aren't you?" The whisper in his voice was only a memory now. "You're probably going to kill us after you're done too! I knew this was too good to be true—it's the perfect crime for a thug like you, you know no one would go looking for us!"

Well, thanks kid. I didn't know I had that creepy child molester/murderer vibe going for me. That boosted my confidence, really. Hell, if it wasn't  _me_  who had taken them in, another person might have taken him up on that idea and after being assured they wouldn't get caught.

Dumb fucking kids these days.

My knees pulled me back to my feet, I towered before the boy again and sighed lazily. "Nah, but I might hold you to it in a few years, minus the killing part of course."

"W-What?! What is that suppose to mean, you pervert!"

I put my finger to my lips, a silent gesture to hush the boy. My eyes were fixated on Mikasa as she stirred in her sleep. It looks like teasing the brat disrupted her sleep (but in all fairness, he was being loud first with his own stupid assumptions).

"We need to get her something for her fever, then we can work from there." I said.

A fever could cause a lot of nasty symptoms. If we managed to at least get rid of that, then we can try to fix what else was wrong with her. Besides, fevers were the easiest to fix because I knew which medicine would take care of that.

Coming back with a bottle in hand and a glass of water, I bent down and lifted her head up a bit. This might be difficult. I feared she would choke if I just slipped a pill and water down her throat while she slept. Yeah, that definitely wasn't a good idea.

While I was figuring out the most efficient way to do this, her eyes slit open only slightly.

"Where is Eren?" There was panic in her voice. Her head shook weakly side to side as she searched over the unfamiliar space.

"Eren? ...Is that you?" I looked up at the boy standing beside me.

"Yeah—I'm here Mikasa. Don't worry. This guy is trying to help you. His name is—uh, what's your name?"

"Levi." I said it to Mikasa, even though Eren was the one who asked.

"Do you think you'll be able to swallow some medicine?" I asked.

Looking between Eren and myself as she considered the idea, she winced. "I'm not sure if I'll be able to hold it down."

That's right—Eren had said she can't swallow anything without her body rejecting it. Then again, they were likely eating spoiled and gross, unwanted food on the streets, even I wouldn't be able to stop myself from hurling.

Maybe if I offered her light and unexpired food, her body wouldn't refuse it. Besides, it wasn't a good idea to take pills on an empty stomach. If she had stomach pains already, it was bound to be much worst afterward.

"I'm going to make you something to eat."

With a bitter expression, she shook her head once again. "If I can't swallow a pill, I won't be able to swallow food either."

"Well then, we'll just have to test that. If you puke, then oh well. I have plenty of cleaning supplies to clean it up, it's not a big deal. It can't hurt to try." I tried my best to sound nonthreatening to the girl, but she still shrunk back a bit on certain rough syllables. It couldn't be helped, that was the way I spoke. I'm used to having to sound intimidating. If I didn't, I wouldn't have gotten as far as I am today—not that my current life was something worth boasting about.

Once I made it into the kitchen, my eyelid and lip twitched. It was a mess. What the hell? How many times did I have to tell those guys to clean up after themselves?

I massaged my temple. Right, they're dead. Got it.

"What's wrong?" Eren, who was for once not as loud, had crept into the kitchen a little while after me, the blanket now hanging a little off his shoulders.

"Nothing, I just forgot to clean up."

Eren took a moment to look around, "I just noticed this, but you're a  _really_  messy person."

My neck lashed over to him so fast I'm surprised it didn't keep going and do a total 360. I snarled. "I  _am not_ a messy person. The complete opposite, mind you. I just used to live with messy people."

"Used to? Where are they now?"

Setting my hands up on the counter, I supported my weight and tried to hide the fib in my tone. "They moved out."

"They probably left because you're so messy."

"I'M NOT MESSY."

Eren shrank back. Judging from his features, he was finally convinced that no, I am not a fucking messy person.

"A-Anyways...What do you plan on making for Mikasa?"

Finding my composure again, I took a deep breath. "I don't know—what about soup? Isn't that the ideal meal everyone wants when they're sick?" Honestly, I wasn't sure. For one, I rarely got sick because I wasn't germy or stupid enough to go out in the cold too long. And secondly, I couldn't recall if mother or father made me soup when I was sick, but I've been told that's a normal thing parents do.

"Well something hot might be good for her. And she wouldn't have to chew, which is a plus."

And with Eren's words, it was settled. I had the urge to clean up a little before I got started, but who knows how long that would go on for. Tidying up always became an all-day-spring-cleaning-event when it came to me. It was better to hold it off and not keep Mikasa waiting too long.

I thought I'd keep it simple and just heat up some broth. It wouldn't be much of a meal, but I didn't want to overwhelm her stomach with unnecessary ingredients so I kept it as that. In the corner of my eye while I was stirring, I caught Eren starting back and forth between me and the stove.

"...What?" For some reason, him studying me as I cooked gave off the impression I was doing something wrong. I wanted to speak up before screwing up further.

"Oh, no. Nothing. It's just been a long time since I saw someone cook. I used to watch my mom cook all the time—she'd always promise that when I was older she'd teach me and Mikasa how but—" he stopped there and it left a bitter-sweet expression on his face.

I returned my attention back to the pot. "Not to pry, but what happened to your parents?"

By the time I looked at him again, his face struck with absolute horror, as if a tragic memory had invaded his mind. I realized my mistake.

"Sorry. Forget I asked."

"I-It's okay." He found enough of courage to continue, and I was surprised at that. "Not many people take the Titan breach that happened in the Shiganshina District seriously around here, but it did happen. Before coming here, that's where I lived and it took the lives of many people, my mother included."

I remembered reading about it in the papers, but since Wall Sina wasn't under any threat and was still protected by their own wall and Wall Rose, many people tossed the news aside. I admit, I did too. I never met a survivor that came from Shiganshina. Never would I expect for two young kids to make it out alive.

Being faced with Eren made that news much more real and for the first time I found myself thinking how horrible it must have been for those who met their end that way. And for those who did survive like Eren and Mikasa, they didn't have it any better. That suddenly reminded me of something, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I shook the sense of vague déjà vu off.

I intended to be careful with my next words, but it came out rather brusque. "And your dad... same deal I suppose."

Much to my surprise, he waved his head side to side. "No, he might be alive. The last time I spoke to him, he said he was traveling to the inner city. So you see, he wasn't around when the breach happened. That's why me and Mikasa came here to look for him, but it's been months now. We're no closer to finding him than the first day we arrived."

"Hey, at least there's hope. If he was already gone by the time the Titan's got in, then there's a good chance he's alive and around here somewhere. You just need to look more thoroughly. I know this city like the back of my hand, so maybe I could help you find him—here, take this to Mikasa, but careful, it's hot." His face had lit brightly with an open smile right before he took the bowl from my hands and headed into the living room with some pep in his step.

Sometimes people just needed to hear some positive news, even if it was just empty hope—it's enough to cheer up the unfortunate in times of stress. It didn't work on me anymore, but I knew others like Eren were gullible enough to believe it, just like I was at that age.

After filling up another bowl, I rejoined Eren, who was holding a spoon up to Mikasa's lips.

"Here, I'll feed her, just worry about getting something in your own stomach." Eren stared at me and the bowl in my hands strangely for moment before taking it slowly. "But..."

"But nothing. Eat. I'll take care of her." I sat beside Mikasa again and hovered the spoon near her mouth. This was the only way she was going to get something in her stomach; she was too weak to sit up and feed herself.

Bitterly, her lip scrunched just before opening her mouth, but miraculously, she swallowed and after a few more mouthfuls it was clear she wouldn't be puking anytime soon.

I'm a damn good cook, that's why.

The way Eren gulped down his share just proved my skill in cooking further. It was more of a fact than a guess, but it was clear he hasn't eaten in a while. Probably any food he did manage to salvaged was given to Mikasa, which she probably ended up barfing up anyways.

"There's more in the pot, if you wanted seconds."

He thought about it for a second, then set his bowl down. "No, I'm good. Thanks, though."

When Mikasa managed to shallow the last spoonful, I offered her seconds as well, but she didn't want to take any chances and risk throwing up, so she declined.

"I'll get your medicine, then."

Here I was caring for two children, like some kind of mother or something. Gross.

I was surprised at myself to say the very least. Just the other day I was beating up some asshole without a care in the world, and here I am now; absent of my crew and tending to two snot-nose kids.

Sudden change certainly was weird. I'm used to the same old routine of getting laid, high and violent with my best friends. Look what happened to me after one day of being away from them. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or kick my own face in. I know those guys are laughing at me right now wherever they are—well, as long as they're smiling I guess that's okay.

Returning with the bottle and cup, I saved Mikasa the trouble and slipped the pill in for her and held the glass of water to her lips steadily as she drank.

"That should reduce your fever, but it might take a few hours to take effect. Just try to sleep 'til then."

For the first time, I saw what could have been a smile (I wasn't sure really), "Thanks. I'm glad Eren found someone so nice."

My heart stung a little from the comment. It felt like a false compliment that I didn't deserve. I wasn't really that nice—it's just I wasn't a total heartless asshole. There was a difference between the two. I just knew how it felt to be in their shoes, that was all. If it were anyone else, I wouldn't be so quick to help. I'm not a fucking charity case; this was likely a one time deal and these kids were lucky it happened to be them.

There was a twinging pain in my head. It was then I remembered I had a nasty hangover but I was thankfully distracted up until now to realize it. At me holding my head, Eren spoke, concern in his tone, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah—yeah I'm just peachy." It wasn't convincing at all, so I changed the subject, "You tired?" By the way his eyes were drooping, I already knew. It was only going on nine according to my watch, but I had a feeling this kid didn't get a good shut-eye in a long time. Trust me, I knew how hard it was to sleep when you have to make sure some punk isn't going to stab you or if some perv is going to have his way with you. Life on the streets was indeed rough.

"Come on, you can sleep in my bed." I didn't like the idea of some dirty kid sprawling out on my mattress, but there was no way I was going to allow him to sleep in one of the other two bedrooms. No way. It wasn't time to go in them yet, and quite honestly I probably wouldn't go in neither of those rooms for a long time.

"But where will you sleep?"

"I woke up not too long ago, I'm not going back to bed." I wanted to, but I actually had some shit to do.

With a long yawn, Eren dragged his feet behind me to the bedroom and he looked around the room curiously before he climbed up and found comfort. "It's a lot neater in here."

"No shit. Now go to bed." Just as I was about to shut the door without another word, a small voice halted me.

"Hey, Levi."

"Yeah."

"Thanks."

Deciding to end the conversation there, I shut the door behind me.


	3. Notorious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adjusting to his new housemates and mourning the lost of his friends, Levi goes out binge drinking and encounters a lot of people he does not want to see, including a certain persistent Commander. The night ends on an ugly note.

It had been another shitty night and the only thing I managed to accomplish was getting myself drunk again—which really wasn't helping with my current situation. I intended to track down the bastard that had mercilessly killed my crew, but it was beginning to look like a hopeless search.

I had nothing to go by, for one. We weren't what you'd refer to as a  _gang_  exactly; there were only three of us, myself included. We didn't get into enough trouble to attract negative attention. Other than a few morons that had a harmless grudge against us back when we were successful in our dealings, no one really wanted us dead.

Finding the motive behind these bastards deeds was impossible, and if I couldn't find a motive, it would be harder to track them down.

I had a hunch, though. A crew in the North District had been giving us a heap of trouble. It started out as friendly negotiating over which areas our 'business' could cover, but it got ugly fast, and it wasn't over the trafficking, either.

They recruited us. The three of us thought it over for a while and agreed it wouldn't hurt to be apart of a well-known gang. It might just be beneficial to us, we thought. Within the next few days, we accepted the offer.

We ran with their crew for a few months, doing odd jobs here and there for them, but we backed out when we were inquired about a rather risky job. We were told if we did it, we'd get a big promotion and move up the ranks, but what they asked us to do was utterly disgusting and undoable on our part. We might have not been saints, but we had morals.

So, we politely declined in the end. However, the evil deed was still done. They got together another group to replace us and went through with killing two innocent people in the process of kidnapping their adolescent daughter. They intended to sell her off as a sex slave to the perverts in the underground.

Rumor has it that she fought back and managed to escape, leaving a bloody massacre behind. I think she had help, but the details were blurry. Anyway, we didn't want to roll with trash like that anymore and gave our two-week notice, so to speak.

Maybe it caused a blemish in their ego, but while a member of my crew was walking back to our hideout, they beat the ever-living shit out of her, leaving her deaf in one ear and blind in her left eye. It didn't stop there, either. They kept sending people after us, but luckily they never figured out where we lived, but there's always a possibility.

After a few weeks of fighting back and kicking their ass left and right, they stopped coming after us and we forgot it even happened over time. We managed to get past it, but a feeling in my gut tells me it didn't end there, for whatever fucking reason. So what, we didn't want to fucking roll with them anymore. That's no reason to hunt people down.

They are the only ones I could think of who would want to hurt us. No one else would go that far. Sure, we weren't the most likeable bunch on the block, but we never bothered with anyone who didn't bother with us. Even when drama stirred, it was settled fast and it was all in good fun.

So that leads me to my final conclusion; it had to be those North District bastards doing.

Sleep weighed heavily on me as I walked through the door, a cigarette perched lazily between my lips. After about the tenth shot, I completely forgot that I had two kids back at my home waiting for me, so when I walked into the living room, I was startled to see them both sitting up on the couch. (More surprised to see Mikasa sitting up than anything.)

"Hey..." Eren spoke unsure, panning his eyes over my wobbly posture. Mikasa was looking down at her lap and she didn't seem like she would look up anytime soon.

Too lazy for hand gestures, I nudged my chin in her direction as I cornered my eyes on Eren. "Is she feeling better?"

Eren checked on her before to be certain of his answer, "Yes, she's not  _great_ , but she's doing much better."

"Great. Well, I'm going to bed."

Eren tilted his head my way. "Bed? But it's six a.m..."

"Thanks for the time, you saved me the trouble of checking my watch."

"You're kind of weird, you know." The playful tone masked his rude remark, but I still caught it.

"Shut it, shorty." After damping out my cigarette, I headed toward my bedroom. But before complying with the bed calling my name, I hooked my head back for a final word with him. "Feel free to help yourself with whatever you need. And please, take a bath. A long bath. With lots of soap. If Mikasa doesn't feel up to taking one, give her a sponge-bath or something. If you're going to cook, don't burn the kitchen down. More importantly, clean up after yourself."

Eren blinked a few times as his tiny brain absorbed my slurring words. He jerked his head up and down, then removed himself from the couch and approached me.

Slouching with a sigh was all I could do as I stood there waiting for him to speak. What now? I just wanted to sleep.

"I don't understand, don't you want us to leave? I thought last night was a one time thing."

Stupid kid was being stupid again. Why would I bother letting them stay in the first place if I was just going to throw them out to the dogs the next day? The thought of keeping kids around me really dug under my skin, but so long as Eren kept his voice down and Mikasa kept doing what she's doing, they weren't too bad. Not great, though, never.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll let the two of you stay here until you find your father, but in exchange, I want you to clean the entire house, top to bottom until it's sparkling—with the exception of the two back bedrooms, don't touch them." It was a fair deal. I really couldn't muster up the strength to clean up after my fallen friends for the last time, so getting a kid to do the task for me saved me the trouble.

"That's...really all you want?" The kid looked stunned, but there was pure gratitude highlighted on his features.

"Yeah, now get to it. Cleaning supplies is under the sink." With that, I stumbled into my room, crashed into my bed and my swimming head drifted me to sleep.

Again, I woke with a start. My eyes latched open upon hearing a sudden clatter and it was my first instinct to reach for my pistol from my nightstand draw. But before grasping it fully, reality returned to me (thank god). It was a good thing I realized before stomping out, guns blazing.

My friends were gone, but strangely, I was still sharing this home with other occupants. For whatever fucking reason. I suppose I did know why I was keeping those kids here, but it was still odd to be introduced with that side of myself.

Instead of going on a drowsy rampage, I dug through my draw and changed into some clean clothes; a white button up blouse and a pair of black, tight-fitting slacks. I finished off the outfit with a black blazer.

With a cigarette lit, I slogged out of the bedroom and my nose caught onto the familiar scent of chemicals and artificial fragrance. A calming sense came through me when I noticed the living room was back to its tidy state. It wasn't as clean as  _I_  would have made it, but sanitary nonetheless.

Heading toward the kitchen—after passing by the sleeping young girl on the couch—my nose caught onto another scent, an appetizing one.

The boy was too distracted by his task of carefully cutting up vegetables to notice me approaching. Thankfully, he didn't chop his finger off with the knife in hand when I startled him with my extempore. "That looks good."

From the looks of it, he was making a homemade stew and I was surprised he managed to make  _anything_ with whatever ingredients were laying around, I know I wouldn't be able to. I rarely went grocery shopping myself. That task was usually left up to my crew. They were far better in the kitchen than me anyways, it was wisest to leave them in charge of preparing meals.

I wasn't a terrible cook; I knew a thing or two about putting ingredients together, but when you have two skilled cooks in the house, there's little need to cook for yourself. Though, it seemed I would soon have to get used to taking over that duty.

"Are you hungry? It'll be done soon."

I wasn't, really. But it's been a while since I ate. The only substance fueling me lately was alcohol. I was sure all that harsh liquid I managed to shallow had ate away at some of the lining in my stomach and aged me internally a few years.

In the end, it wasn't a terrible idea to eat a proper meal. Though, I wasn't so sure how a meal prepared by a twelve year old would taste, but it would be rude to cook something else when he already went into the trouble of making enough for everyone. "Sure, I'll have some."

I took a moment to judge the state of the kitchen and it was nearly spotless. Notice how I said  _nearly_. The kid did good, though. I shouldn't be picky.

"Sorry if I woke you up."

"Nah, I needed a wake up call anyways. You did good, by the way. Thanks for cleaning."

The praise sent a wave of relief over him; the tension in his body held prior was perhaps due fear—fear he wasn't going to amount up to his side of the deal. Even if he didn't, it's not like I would _throw him out_  over it. Repeat my orders was all I would have done. The fact that he obeyed me the first time told me he wasn't as disrespectful as I originally assumed.

"How's Mikasa doing?" Before I came into the kitchen, I saw her out pretty cold and couldn't tell what her current condition was just by looking.

"Much better. She was even able to hold a conversation earlier." He took his attention away from minding the pot as he looked up at me, a serious expression taking over his face. "She might not seem like it, but she really appreciates everything you're doing for us. She likely would be dead right now if it wasn't for you. I can't thank you enough, Levi."

There was no reply I could give. His face was filled with so much gratitude and I felt unworthy to receive such kind words. All I did was give her some damn medicine and a place to stay. I wasn't doing anything that inconvenienced me  _that much_. Any idiot with a tiny bit of heart could have done the same.

Unless this world gotten so shitty that such gestures became a rarity?

The thought made my stomach turn, but luckily it didn't destroy my appetite. The kid actually wasn't a terrible cook. I could only assume he learned a thing or two from watching his mother.

Mikasa was able to eat on her own today, and as Eren and I made simple small talk, it occurred to me that she wasn't much of a talker. I liked that about her, though. Not that I disliked Eren for being the more chatty one. As I see it, if you got something to say, say it. Don't hold that shit in, it'll only leave you with regrets in the long run.

I finished my share before the kids and their eyes followed me curiously as I headed toward the door. "Well, I'm out. Just remember to give her another dose after she's done eating. She's do for another."

"Ah...right. I will—I guess you'll be back in the morning?"

I gave a simple nod and left.

 

**~x~**

The walk down the cobble stone road was a cold one, and I half-regretted not wearing a thicker coat, but I didn't intend to go to the usual hellhole bars I normally dwell in, so I had to look half-way decent.

It wasn't like I wanted to sit around and drink with a bunch of prunes, but I've been kicked out of my two favorite bars in the past two days and felt hesitant to return. I didn't want to be banned for life, so I wanted to get over my self-pitying drinking binge before I returned back to the casual atmosphere.

The place I was heading to wasn't what I'd call close, but it was walkable. The further away from my neighborhood I went, the more the setting around me changed. Unlike where I'm from, people stagger around all hours of the night, laughing drunkenly as they hit on girls looking for a good time. But here, the air was different. It was stuffy and irritating.

There was a few couples I passed that looked to be out on an evening stroll. It pissed me off at how much make-up and jewelery these women wore. You're going on a fucking walk, not the opera house. Tame it the fuck down, you old hags.

Great. I was getting bitter before I even got a single drink in me. This was surely going to be a swell night—and when I say swell, I mean there were regrets about to be made.

Flicking my cigarette in the street, (which apparently wasn't very well-mannered of me judging by the gasps from passerby's) I opened the heavy door that led me into a refined joint that was a few watts brighter than I'd like it to be. Bars weren't suppose to be this damn bright, but then again, most of the guest here probably didn't intend to get piss drunk like I did.

My stroll to the bartender was stalled almost immediately by a server: a man that I can only describe as having a big, thick, ridged stick up his asshole.

The man inspected me with judgmental eyes, his filthy hand still halting me in place. "Terribly sorry... _sir,_ but we don't allow  _your kind_  in here."

The way he looked down at me like I was some meaningless ant pissed me off. In his defense, I guess he had no other choice but to look down at me, but that was besides the point. The point was I was going to fucking punch him.

I probably would have, then made my exit as I left behind the guest gasping at my animistic behavior (at least they would have something to talk about other than money), but a voice had traveled across the room from the bar.

"He's with me. Don't worry, I'll make sure he behaves himself."

When I couldn't put a face to the familiar tone, I searched through the crowd. When I found that stupid smile directed at me, I frowned with a roll of my eyes.

The stick must have loosened in the servers ass a bit because he finally let go of me and left my sight. I wanted to turn around and leave, even though I was technically welcomed here now because I was in no mood to talk to blondie over there. But screw it. The vast collection of booze behind the bar was calling my name.

The place was packed. More packed than the bars I'm used to hanging out in where I'm usually the only conscious one as a lowlife or two was passed out on his stool.

Due to the crowd, I only seen one seat available and I was forced to take a sit next to him—him being a guy that goes by the name of Erwin Smith. I hated his name, I hated that he looked more like a sculpted statue than a human, hated how tall he was, I hated his oblivious attitude toward me, and I hated how he tried to talk to me every chance he got. This man wasn't one to waste opportunities, that was for damn sure.

His uniform had different patches than the men seated at the table behind me: full of Military Police pricks. I noticed them before taking a seat and they all sent me wretched glares. I recognized some of them, you can't possibly forget such ugly faces. I had my fair share of run-ins with them. Not that the fights between us was anything close to  _fair_.

Since Erwin was still in uniform, I can only assume he just returned from a mission from outside the wall. I wondered how many of his troops died this time. Given the fact he was smiling, probably under a dozen. Congrats, asshole.

Erwin cradled his mild drink in hand as I ordered a strong shot to start off with. He didn't look my way since I sat, and didn't even as he began to speak, "Couldn't help but notice you look a little more pissed off than usual tonight. What happened?"

Did he  _really_  want to go there? Because I don't think he wanted to. After a few drinks, my lips might just get loose and he might just regret offering his ear. Right now, though, I was far too sober with barely enough energy to lift the glass to my lips. My business was none of his concern anyway.

I declined in only the most respectful way I could think of. "Fuck off."

Chuckling into his glass, he said, "Friendly as ever, I see."

"And you're still an asshole."

"Am I? I thought I was a nice guy." he gulped down the last of the contents of his drink.

"No, you're not, because I know what you're about to ask me. And you know how much it pisses me off—but c'mon, let's get it over with. I know you're _dying_  to say it."

He finally took a good look at me and I scratched irritatedly at the prickly stubble on the back of my head at the words pending on his lips. I already knew what he was about to say, and it made me hate him that much more.

"All right. Might as well mention it since you insisted  _so eagerly_ —so, have you changed your mind? You know, about joining the Survey Corps." He knew the damn answer already, I could tell by the way he asked with next to no confidence in his voice. This makes it, what, the fifteenth time? No, I think it was close to twenty now.

"Leave me alone about that already. Find some other idiot that wants to throw his life away." Not that I wasn't throwing my life away now. I left no mark in this world and just like my fallen friends, when I died I wouldn't be remembered. Just another poor bastard that came and went and walked the earth with no footprints left behind.

People like us just weren't meant to be remembered.

Exhaling deeply, he leaned back a bit in his stool, "You know I always have to ask when I see you. It's just a form of greeting at this point. I think you'd make a good soldier, you might even have the potential to be the best. Well, anyways. The offer always stands if you change your mind."

Me—the best? I laughed out loud, managing to pull out a confused expression out of Erwin, I don't think he ever saw me laugh before, or smile even. He looked frightened. It was a rare sight and it made me laugh even harder.

I was too drunk to be embarrassed at how drunk I got, and at how fast. That was probably the only benefit of having a smaller body: small body means less booze needed to get shit-faced, less booze means more money in my pocket.

I wondered for a moment how much it would take to get someone like Erwin drunk. There probably wasn't enough of liquor in this whole place to get him shit-faced. Well, it was an interesting thought as it lasted. I'd have to store that idea somewhere in my mind because I fully intended on finding out how he acts while drunk one day.

Erwin was the only one keeping the conversation alive at this point and with every added ounce of booze that entered me, I minded less and less. He wasn't terrible company as long as he shut his mouth about the Survey Corps and I became quite chatty when the topic interested me. We actually managed to make decent conversation.

I ended up telling him about the kids back at my house. He laughed (and laughed some more) at how I had become a mother while he was away. I nearly punched him, but I probably would've missed his stupid face in my current state.

"Well, you're full of surprises, as always. But this was the biggest shock yet, I admit. Good to see you're keeping yourself busy. Any other big news you feel like sharing?"

My mind reminded me of an unpleasant sight. Erwin took notice of my facial change. "It's not good news, I suppose."

I held my heavy head up, which was weighing down with bad memories as I spit out, "You know that crew that used to tag along with me? Well, they're gone." Oh boy, my lips were indeed getting loose like I predicted.

"Gone? Did you have a fight or something?"

"They're dead." I said bluntly, and Erwin took a long while to answer.

"Dead? How'd that happen?" He looked even more shocked now than when I told him about the kids. He wasn't close to them or anything, he just happened to make awkward conversation with them when he would come over or when he'd run into us on the street.

"I don't even know for sure, but they were murdered a few blocks away from my place. Fucking bastards." My teeth gridded just thinking of the faceless culprits. "I'm going to fucking kill them as soon as I find them. Mark my words, Erwin."

Taking an unsteady breath, he leaned close to me. "I'll do anything in my power to help you track them down. I'll make sure they get the punishment they deserve, but just  _don't_  do anything reckless in the meantime."

As fucking if I could depend on other people. Shit like that never ended well in my favor.

Forgetting that there was a table of Military Police behind me, I blurred out in a drunken slur, "What can you do? You're outside the wall most of the time. And those Military Police are fucking useless pricks."

I heard gawky shuffling behind me and chairs being pushed aside in a vexed rage, "Whacha say about us, you little shit?"

"Ugh."

I could tell from the moment I walked in they were just itching to pick a fight with me, and I unintentionally just gave them a reason to approach me. I took my time in swiveling around to face them. After a steady gulp, I twisted around and propped my elbows up on the counter. "I said the Military Police are fucking useless pricks. Would you like me to write that down for you, too?"

One of the man's faces twisted in rage. All I could think was, wow, he actually was capable of making himself even uglier.

"I'll show you how useless we are—I should arrest you right now! I know you have something illegal on you. I'd be doing the community a good service by throwing away trash like you!"

"I don't have anything on me, unfortunately, but I'm sure that wouldn't stop crooked bastards like you from planting something on me. Am I right?"

Now all three of the men's faces were warped in fury. Erwin put his palm on my shoulder in an effort to take me out of my angry trance, "That's enough, Levi. We should just go."

I wasn't nearly as drunk as I wanted to be because when Erwin called my name, I still knew it was addressed to me. If I remembered my own name, I wasn't drunk according to myself. That's just how I seen it.

Erwin was paying both our tabs and was likely intending to get me out of here fast before trouble started. I took the wordless advice and started heading out, but not before that jackass spun me around; his spit flying at me as he screamed, "We're not done here, you little runt!"

"You really make the most stupidest expressions." With patience long since gone, I lodged a solid kick into the mans shin and on his way down to cradle his new throbbing pain, I swiftly kicked my knee into his face—judging from the sound, I broke his nose, he now was out cold on the floor.

It was a damn shame, too. I thought he'd be more fun than that.

Adrenaline pumped through me as the two other men came staggering my way. I sent one of them flying into the stools Erwin and I just left, he toppled over them sloppily as the other one came at me. This one looked like he was going to be a challenge. About damn time.

With full force, he came at me, a fist coming too fast to dodge came toward me. He managed to punch me in the mouth—which was surprising.

"Not bad."

The man only became more furious from the calmness in my voice and how completely unfazed I was by the punch he landed by sheer luck.

Whether it was good or bad, I wasn't sure, but I didn't feel pain when I fought. It came to me afterward, of course, but I always got the upper-hand because I didn't stop to tend to or put pressure on a newly made injury in the middle of a fight. Most people might think it's good to have pain tolerance, and it was, but sometimes I couldn't determine how far I was going and how much damage I was taking until it was too late to reverse it.

"Levi!" Erwin cried out almost in desperation to remove me from my provoked trance and it actually worked because I suddenly grew bored. I twisted my heel, about ready to leave, but not before giving one final kick in the gut to the man behind me. From the brute force, he gasped patheticly and I left with a friendly wave to the cowardly server.


	4. Passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi goes to Erwin's house to get cleaned up...just so he could dirty himself up again. Later, he's asked a strange question by Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this far! Here, let me reward you with a lemon~

"You know, you really need to find some self-control."

"Stifle it, Erwin." I was barely able to concentrate on keeping my legs moving steadily with my vision warping as it was. I'm in  _no mood_ for his added commentary right now. Plus, I literally just got punched in the mouth, I didn't need him discouraging my behavior like he's my damn mother.

"Why are you following me anyways?" As I spoke, some blood spit out. I wiped it away and inspected the smudge it left on my hand. Some of it unfortunately trailed down to my white blouse, leaving a crimson stain. "Gross."

"You got clout pretty bad. I'm surprised he got you all, honestly." Erwin had seen me in fights a few times before. He'd try to do the proper thing and break it up, but before he could, my opponents were already out cold or run away screaming. Perhaps this was why he saw potential in me—enough to constantly urge me into joining the Survey Corps. Any moron that knows how to defend himself knows how to fight, though. My combat methods were nothing special.

"Give me a break, I'm fucking drunk."

"I could tell. Listen, why don't you stop by at my place quick and get cleaned up. Those kids you got home would be terrified if they seen you walk in looking like that."

He made a valid point. Blood was all over me and it wasn't just for the kids sake—I wanted this shit off me _right now_ and Erwin lived close by, where I had quite a ways to go until making it back home.

"Yeah, alright. You better have booze though."

"Sorry, I don't keep any in the house."

"You're so lame."

"I know, you remind me all the time."

I never been inside his house before, but I passed by a few times. Erwin had given me his address a long time ago while giving some sappy speech about "ever needing him" or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. But I never took him up on the offer. For one, I didn't see any need because I didn't need him for anything. And secondly, he was lame, why would I want to  _willingly_  hang out with someone like that?

After a brief inspection of his home, I turned to him boldly and decided to cut to the chase. I had no time to waste beating around the bush or being shy. "You invited me back here to fuck, didn't you?"

Erwin looked appalled. My words were enough to stun an elite soldier. Not bad.

It quickly became clear from that expression alone that my assumption was wrong, but I still wanted to play with him a bit more. "Come on, with all those sweet nothings you were saying to me at the bar and how you paid my tab—you clearly want to get laid. The gentlemen side of men only comes out when they want some."

"That isn't true, I'm like that with everyone."

"Oho, I didn't know you were so promiscuous—and so open about it too."

"Wha—? No. Levi, I'm serious."

"Yeah I know, you're a pushover. How about you announce it a little louder."

I never could understand his roundabout way of doing things. Maybe it wasn't his first intention to bring me here to fuck tonight, but it wasn't like we were strangers to the idea. We've had sex before, quite a few times now that I think about it. Don't ask me why I got myself into this affair, I have no fucking clue, but it started and I'm not the type to quit unhealthy habits easy. Call it an obsessive personality, if that helps paint a better picture. Other than the fact I couldn't stand him, there were a few notable things about him I did like. Most of which were hidden under the clothes, so I'll just leave that part up to the imagination.

One night, I had been under the influence of enough substance to give me the bravery of a thousand men and I made the offer. Wearing a pokerface, I just blurred out (if I recall correctly), "Can I ride your dick?"

Recalling the memory made me cringe.

Erwin didn't even think it over. He hopped right onto my proposition (and he happened to be the sober one at the time). Well, really, I hopped  _on him_ , but eh, details. It was considered a mistake on my part at the time, but the mistake kept recurring. I'm in too deep now to back out anymore. But it wasn't a problem. If something feels beneficial and good to me, I go for it and that's exactly what I get when Erwin and I got intimate. But he had an annoying habit of acting like it never happened the next day and I was forced to play along. Was that even normal? I didn't know, I never been in a healthy relationship before.

Not that we were in one.  _God, no._  Never. And it sure wasn't healthy either—whatever you wanted to call what was going on between us. Erwin was married to the Survey Corps and I was too much of a fuck up to manage a relationship. Not that I even wanted one.

It never would work between us on an emotional level. This affair we had going on between us was entirely physical.

It was a nice change of pace from some of the other lowlives I slept with (which were mainly mistakes, mind you.) He had that nice guy thing going for him, meaning he wasn't over the top with distasteful kinks. You can't let that gentle nature fool you too much, though. He was capable of getting rather rough. Usually that only happened when his life had handed him a lousy hand.

It became a silently established routine for us to have sex after he got back from a mission. If the trip went well and he only lost a handful of men, the sex was gentle, passionate even. But when the mission was a complete failure, Erwin would put his stress into his thrust and I'd barely be able to walk the next day.

For some reason though, I never complained about that. And I  _really_  like to complain, but I didn't. We all had our own ways of coping with stress. If he wanted to fuck me senseless on a bad day, then go at it. Have fun. In a way, it helped me cope with some shit too. Everybody wins.

Admittedly, I wanted to fuck him here because it was new to me. Exciting even, you could say. We only ever did it at my place before (and an alleyway once, but let's  _not_  bring that up). The thought of screwing in a new setting peeked my interest enough to make the first move.

I wasn't one for foreplay, I liked to just get right into it. I knew Erwin liked to mess around first by making out and all that other time-consuming shit, but I didn't. Besides, he was too fucking tall and I couldn't reach his lips while we were standing as we were. Just before I got his belt undone, he stopped me. I sent up a frustrated glare his way.

"Levi...Don't you want to clean up first?"

Shit. I forgot. I still have blood all over my face and clothes. Annoyed, I gave a huff and found the bathroom without Erwin needing to guide me. It was a simple one bedroom house from the looks of it. Only a moron would need help finding their way. I supposed he didn't feel the need to upgrade to a larger place due to the fact he lived alone and was barely home.

I ran the water until steam clouded the mirror and rubbed my face thoroughly. Swirls of red descended down the drain and once it ran clear, I turned off the faucet, flicked my hands over the sink and wiped the fog from the mirror. I looked like total shit. I was always prone to having dark circles around my eyes, but they were more prominent now. My skin was paler than usual too. I've been sleeping well due to the devil's cup being my sleep aid, but the poisonous remedy has really been taking a toll on me. My body was used to heavy amounts of liquor, but I've been drinking weeks worth in on sitting. Or maybe I was just trying to place the blame on something but I just naturally looked shitty.

Pushing my vacillation to the side, I turned away from the mirror and removed my blazer and unbuttoned my shirt. I found little need to have a shirt on right now because let's get real here, I was likely going to fuck Erwin tonight anyways. I'd worry about cleaning it once I got back home.

I folded up my clothes and left them behind on the counter when I exited the room, only to find Erwin removing his jacket in the bedroom right across. I stepped in and he continued to remove his clothes wordlessly.

The room was neat and organized; not that I ever imagined him being a messy person, but he is indeed busy. At least he managed to keep a clean house. I was impressed to say the least.

The walls were glowing with a faint glow of orange. The flickering candles gave way just enough of light to give me a decent sight. I sat cross legged on the bed in front of him, admiring his body as the clothes dropped to the floor one at a time. I rarely give compliments, and I'd likely never say this out loud to him, but he had a nice body. Rock hard and defined was the best way to describe it.

Another part of him became rock hard after removing his pants, because without warning I took hold of a sensitive part. Under the firm grasp, he twitched slightly and remained where he was, standing before me as I took him into my mouth. Not all of it—I was still working up to the day I could. Let's just say Erwin's build wasn't the  _only_  big thing about him.

To make up for the areas I couldn't simulate with my mouth, I stroked with my hand where my lips couldn't reach. The flesh rubbing against my lips caused a slight sting from the cut I received eariler, but I easily ignored it. It wasn't long before he had his large hand tangled in my hair as moans through gritted teeth escaped him. There was little need to bob my head into his groin anymore because he moved his hips toward my mouth at a steady rhythm. With his hands still enmeshed in my hair, he gently pulled back my locks to arch my neck, just enough to restrict my gaze up at him.

Erwin had a fetish—if you can even call it that—for keeping eye contact, especially when I sucked him off. Outside the bedroom he appeared to be a normal, tamed gentlemen, but he was quite the pervert, believe it or not. A pervert who got off with the sight of me staring up at him as his cock penetrated my throat. Our sex was never boring, which was enough to kept me craving this unhealthy system we formed.

His size had made me gag a few times, but I think that was another fetish of his since he obviously rammed on the reflex on purpose. Maybe me gagging around his dick felt good to him, who fucking knows, or maybe he just liked the visual of hot tears steaming down my cheeks.

At least his kinks were mild. I couldn't stand those weirdo's that were into role-playing or dressing up. I was in a rather rough spot a few years ago and regrettable resorted to prostitution. One of my 'clients' wanted me to wear some tiny, skimpy dress. Did I look like a fucking stripper to him? Well—maybe I did, I don't know, but I kicked him in the nuts, stole his wallet and called it a night. That was the night I learned exchange wasn't  _always_  necessary to to get what you want.

Erwin seemed about to blow, but I knew he wouldn't be satisfied with finishing in my mouth—I sure as hell wouldn't be either. He pulled out of me and before I knew it, my pants were off and he was guiding my hips to nestle on top of him after he had laid across the bed.

Yeah, Erwin was  _definitely_  in a good mood tonight. He never wanted me to ride him when he wasn't. Control issues or something, but he wanted to be in power when he was feeling shitty. As I rubbed my own stiff part against his, he had reached for a bottle on the nightstand and lathered our areas together, making quite the slippery mess. He ran his hands up my body and pinched at my nipples as I pinned myself against his cock, and I soon found myself impatient from the teasing. Readjusting my hips slightly, Erwin took a firm hold of my cheeks as his throbbing hardness slid between.

We fucked raw a few times before, but it was an added bonus when some lubrication was involved. I didn't mind the pain that came with humping dry, but it made it easier for both of us to get that thickness inside when his shaft was slick.

As he slowly stroked me, I drove him deep inside me. It wasn't long before the pace quickened and that neat blond hair of his was in complete disarray. Personally, I thought his hair looked better unkempt and wild, and that's not something I think often. I didn't even mind when his whole body was under a layer of perspiration. I couldn't stand him most of the time, but I had became familiar with him and I didn't find such things as filthy. Not in the heat of the moment, anyway.

I allowed myself to let out the faintest moan. It took a lot of willpower to keep it at that. He needed to earn more reactions out of me. I wasn't teasing, either, that's what he would've wanted. I kind of stumbled upon this idea one night while we were together without realizing at first, but Erwin had yet another kink. And that was: he loved seeing me squirm, gasp in pleasure and moan his name, and he liked to  _earn it_.

When it comes to me, it takes a while to get into that mood and I think that's what formed the kink in the first place. I'm not the most expressive person in the world—my face ranges from looking bored out of my mind to pissed off and that was about it. But in bed, it was possible to pull more rare facial expressions from me, assuming the person was skilled enough to please me.

I think it was the challenge that attracted Erwin to the kink—the challenge of getting me to lose my composure and show him the rare sight of my face heated, mouth panting and body shaking. It was a huge turn on for him. Not that he ever told me this directly, but it doesn't take a scientist to figure out what a man's desires are. They're simple creatures, after all.

He reeled me in, my body now laying on top of his as he took over and pumped into me from below. My nails dug into his hard chest as my face slowly, to Erwin's luck, twisted in arousal. That smug half-smile he gave pissed me off. I closed my eyes to make it disappear as I took in the pleasure his cock was giving me.

I let my jaw remain open, for I was too weary to keep closing it and reopening every time I felt a moan building up in my throat. The sounds between us amplified more and more after each thrust. His arms were wrapped around me tightly, and it was a good thing too because I had little strength to keep myself from slipping off his body at this point.

He nuzzled his forehead against mine, forcing me to look up at him and stare into those dully-lit blue eyes before he asserted my lips. What was his deal with kissing before, during and after sex? It was hardly enough to simulate me, but he apparently liked it. I was left with little room to invade as his tongue ravaged my mouth; our tongues twining as he pounded into me. I had to break the kiss momentarily every now and again to catch a breath, but I'd return eagerly and moan into his mouth.

Remaining where I was, I backed into his cock and took over the pumping, giving Erwin a break. As I slid over his body, causing friction, my shaft erected fully and it wasn't long before I had left traces of white drips on his stomach. My teeth clenched at the never-ending orgasm and Erwin looked pleased with my expression. Fuck him and his stupid smile. He was lucky his dick felt good or else I'd punch him and leave.

But I didn't let that ruin the mood, I was still set on the job of getting him off. The volume of his grunts blared and that was enough to tell me he was close. I lifted my body and balanced my weight on my palms which were set on either side of his head. I kept eye contact, knowing how much he liked that, and quicken my pace further; my hips twirling around his hardness and bouncing into his pelvis sent him over the edge.

He was the first to break the intimate staring contest, but only so he could fling his head back and give out a roaring groan. That entire body of his tensed up and loosened with a quiver.

His eyes returned back to mine but we lost sight of each other again as he came in close for kiss. It wasn't as sloppy and needy as before, just a simple peck and a quick suck on my bottom lip.

Letting out a few left over pants, my face returned to normal, but Erwin was too busy riding out the rest of his orgasm to notice. I unsaddled his hips and stood to my feet. Before I could flee, my arm was being tugged back in the direction of the bed.

"...What." I said, my brow hooked. We just fucked, what else did he want from me?

"Where are you off to so fast? You look tired as hell. Just stay over and get some sleep." His eyes almost looked to be pleading, but there was no way I was staying over here. We weren't a couple. We weren't friends. People who had our relationship didn't have sleepovers and I really hoped Erwin was not starting to misunderstand that we were strictly fuck-buddies. No, we weren't even buddies. We just fucked, that's it.

"I'm going to bathe,  _then_  I'm leaving."

Erwin reluctantly let his hand slip off me. "That's too bad. It's pretty chilly tonight so I was hoping I'd have someone to cuddle with."

My lip curled up at him "Fuck off."

Hearing him chuckling to himself as I exited the bedroom only pissed me off more.

After cleaning up the aftermath of sex off my body, I gathered my clothes and grudgingly went back into Erwin's bedroom, hoping he was already asleep. I tried to silently slip my pants back on, but I learned something that night: Erwin was a light sleeper.

"You can borrow one of my shirts, if you want. You know, so you don't have to put the dirty one back on." Idiot, he didn't have to tell me, I was already planning on helping myself to one anyways. Even though it was my own blood, it was still gross to put a stained shirt back on. I headed over to his closet and I could almost feel his eyes staring at my back as I searched.

"It might be a little big on you but—"

"Shut up, you damn ox." What was he, the commander of useless information? I buttoned up the top and tucked it in so it didn't look too ridiculous on me and then headed for the door.

"Well, I'll see you around, Levi." he said, exhaustion lacing his tone.

I looked back at him wordlessly a final time before vanishing from his line of sight.

Unlike the past two nights, I got home at a decent hour before the sun rose. Good, that meant I would get extra sleep before heading out tonight because I did actually have something to attend later that evening. Astonishingly, it didn't involve me getting drunk or laid.

After passing by Mikasa sleeping soundly on the couch, I arrived in my bedroom and paused at the small body occupying it. Great, where the fuck am I suppose to sleep, then? Usually I would get home early in the morning when the kids would already be awake and ready for the day, but there was still a few hours before morning came. Like hell I would sleep on the dirty floor, and I wouldn't dare go into the other bedrooms.

...Oh well. Hope you don't mind sharing a bed, kid.

Eren didn't take up much space; he was tucked in snug on the far side of the mattress. There was plenty of room that would separate us from being awkwardly close. Just as my head hit the pillow, the small body beside me stirred.

"Levi?" The groggy, low voice said.

"Yeah, it's just me. Go back to sleep."

"You're home earlier tonight."

"Mhm."

Eren had shifted over to face me, his eyes were barely staying open as he continued to bug me. "Where do you go at night?"

"None of your business."

"Thought you'd say something like that. You probably just do thug-related things anyways."

My eyelid twitched. "Why do you keep referring to me like I'm some lowlife gangster?" Not that I was above the title, but still.

"I don't know. Hey, Levi, can I ask you something kind of random?" Now that he scooted up into a seated position, I knew I didn't have the option to refuse. Fuck, he was chatty when he first got up, wasn't he?

"What do you think about the Survey Corps?"

My chest tightened, only because it reminded me of Erwin straight away and a wave of guilt came over me—as if the kid figured out my affair with the commander, but I knew that wasn't possible. Why would I care if he knew anyways?

Ew, it was that child's innocence clinging to me again, wasn't it?

I answered his vague question, "I think they're useless. Why?"

"Huh? How can you think that?" His voice was no longer groggy, it was back to its full volume. "They're the only people who actually care enough to travel outside the wall and collect information about the Titans. I don't know how people like that could be so useless."

I squeezed my temple. I was tired and my hangover was sneaking up on me already and I didn't even sleep yet. Plus Erwin managed to, quite literally, drain me. I was in no mood for this discussion, I rolled over. "Whatever you say. I'm going to bed now."

Eren said it quietly, likely he was announcing it to himself. "I'm joining the Survey Corps."

I twisted my head back to him and gave him a long, indecipherable stare. I just wanted to judge his expression to see if he was serious—and based off the provoked passion in his eyes, he was. He was  _dead_  serious.

"Don't. You'll just be throwing your life away."

"...What do  _you_  know? My mom...she said the same thing. At least I want to make a difference and not live contently as livestock."

"Fine, then. Join the fucking Survey Corps, see if I care. Can I sleep now?" How the hell did this topic come up anyways? And why?

"...Sorry. Forget I mentioned it."

I groaned in reply. The kid probably had some mental trauma after losing his mother, maybe he was crazy, or suicidal, I don't know. I didn't really care, either.

Or maybe,  _just maybe_ , this was a normal reaction. To want to fight something that took away the one thing you cared about.

That thought was left simmering in my head. Like a spark ignited, I suddenly figured it out—how Eren felt.

My friends were taken away from me and the first thing I thought of was killing the culprits. Eren's life was ruined because of the Titan's, even his own mother was taken away because of them. This reaction was normal. Well, normal given the context of the situation. Eren wasn't a suicidal idiot that wanted to throw his life away. Not at all. He just wanted to fight back; to win the fight and not cower away from what he feared most.

Of course, fighting can't bring the dead back to life or restore all the damage done, but it sure as hell beat sitting around doing nothing, being accompanied by nothing other than your pessimistic thoughts. Fighting back had the ability to restore some hope and settle ugly grudges that weighed down a persons optimism. You can't move forward if you don't conquer those inner demons. You'll just be stuck in the same place forever; a timeless loop of destroying yourself and wasting your life in the progress.

I squirmed. This realization just ended up agitating me. I tried my hardest to keep thoughts like this far away. Maybe this was why I developed so many bad habits that slowly destroyed my brain.

As much as I tried to convince myself otherwise, there was no dismissing the fact that Eren reminded me of myself—his situation was eerily similar to my own. I can only hope he doesn't turn out like me and actually keeps that promise about making a difference. We didn't need anymore deadbeats in this world that were too afraid to fight the one thing they feared most.

Before I allowed petty memories to over-flood me, I set them aside and dived into unconsciousness.


	5. Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a difference between a stripper and an erotic performer and Levi will beat anyone who gets those terms mixed up. This secret occupation of his, however, might not be as well hidden as he thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was 100% necessary to move the plot forward. Yup, I didn't write this to fulfill any of my erotic fantasies about Levi at all. Nope, this is important stuff, guys.

There were a lot of things you unfortunately couldn't steal in life. If you could, I would. Rent and bills for one couldn't be stolen, and you can only get away with pickpocketing and robbing for so long before you get caught. That was the last thing I needed. I never been to jail and never planned on attending. Too filthy for my taste. I also heard the food was awful. Not to mention, I would have to look at those Military Police pricks every day and I didn't even want to imagine the type of sick fun they would have with me if I was trapped in a cage.

What I'm trying to say is...I  _do_  have a job. Not a laborious, demanding one like many men my age have but a job nonetheless. I hated it, I hated it so damn much, but I was left with little choice. No other places would hire the likes of me, probably in fear that I would steal from them (which I would, so it was wise on their part). So no, not everything could be obtained freely like the many other things in my life, some things required an exchange, unfortunately.

Given that I had some very expensive habits, dealing wasn't enough of an income. There was a lot of lowlives around, but not all of them were addicted to substance, or rather, their pockets wouldn't allow them to be. Also, some of my regulars that guaranteed a steady income decided to sober up. Trafficking left me with pocket change now, but where the money really was was where I worked.

Not many people had money to spend on addiction, but every human being with a sex-drive had money to spend on the thrill of cheap arousal.

In case it's too hard to figure out by now, yes, I do some erotic performing on the side, no, I'm not a fucking stripper. Anybody who dared called me a stripper would get my boot to their face. There was a difference. I didn't give lap dances and I didn't let the costumers lay their grimy hands on me, no matter how deep their pockets were. All they were able to do is watch me perform—something I was exceptionally good at—and they gave me money for it. Because of my reasoning, I didn't find it degrading, but I still hated it. I hated it  _so much_.

If I was alone, sure, it would be enjoyable. Not that I liked to  _dance_ —if you can even call it that—but I was flexible and liked the workout it gave me. It kept me in shape and I could easily get lost in my thoughts during a routine. It cleared my head—call it a form of therapy if you would. The thing I hated about it was being watched in what should be a private moment.

Whatever. It was only temporary. Just until the dealings starting picking up their pace again. At one time, I was able to live comfortably off that, but many decided to kick the habit. Well, please, someone start promoting drugs again like they did back in my day so I didn't have to do this sort of thing in public anymore. It was getting pathetic how I kept telling myself it was temporary when this shit has been going on for months. My denial was starting to latch onto a sense of rationality which made everything worse. It would be beneficial to everyone (read: me) if people started getting doped up again. Then, I wouldn't have to do this shit anymore.

Anyway—I was heading there now. I only worked on Friday and Saturday nights, meaning I would have to go in tomorrow too. One would think it's ideal to only work two days a week and make all the money I do. Unluckily for me, though, that's when all the weirdos and perverts were out on the prowl.

The costumers here were mainly all closet homosexuals (many even married with wives and children at home) meaning I never had to worry about them running their mouth about me around town because if they shared that information, it would suggest that  _they_ spent their free time in a  _male strip club_. Not that  _I_  was a stripper.  _I am not a fucking stripper._

Not even my fallen crew knew about this occupation of mine. I liked to keep it a secret for obvious reasons—not that I often hid anything from them, but this was the one aspect in my life I strictly kept personal. Thankfully, the job nearly guaranteed my privacy, making it the only tolerable plus about working here.

The men really got off on the military uniform for some reason, or a more revealing version of it anyway. I guess it was the whole "man in uniform" kink that got them going, I hadn't a clue why really, but that was basically the only required uniform of the job, as ironic as it sounded.

I'd just wear the belt straps, minus a shirt underneath, and remove the jacket along the way of my routine. I'd also wear boots that resembled the official uniform, but mine had more of a heel to it. Not that I was hiding my height, I just found it easier to perform with heels.

The white pants of the formal uniform were replaced with shorts (very short fucking shorts), and that was a piece of clothing that would  _always_  stay on me; that was my only rule.

The other guys that worked here showed a lot more skin than me, most even getting completely nude, but believe it or not, I did have  _some_  dignity. Besides, at the end of the night I always made more money. Just goes to show that leaving a little to the imagination goes a long way. You'd think the others would learn from my example by now, but I suppose they're just mindless strippers without any other skills than shaking their ass. I was  _completely_  above all of them.

It was almost my time to get on stage, but I remained in the backroom until last minute, taking a few drags of my cigarette to steady any nerves. My ankles were crisscrossed and propped up on the vanity. I tried to avoid the mirror, but I still made eye contact with myself. Just like last night, I looked like shit. Oh well, I didn't intend to impress those weirdos out there anyways. Besides, the club was dimly lit, making it tough to catch the minor flaws in others. And let's be real; these pigs weren't focusing on my face when I performed.

Finally, my 'coworker's' show ended and I exhaled a swirl of smoke as I peered at the disgusting guests occupying the club that would be witness to my performance tonight.

My silhouette crept adroitly until I effortlessly leaped up the stage, if you could even call it a stage. It was a small platform that barely gave enough room for your feet with a ten foot pole centered in the middle. It sat just in the middle of the club, that way the perverts can skirt the platform and get a nice close view of the dancers.

I reached for the filthy and likely disease ridden pole as I reminded myself, like I always do, to soak thoroughly after this ordeal was over with.

Fully intending to spin myself around enough so I couldn't tell what way was up anymore, I took a firm grip and gave a kick off the ground to grant me momentum. After a few rotations, my world around me became a blur of colors and I could no longer perceive the eyes observing me.

That was the only way I got through this. While I was performing, I had to forcible put myself in my own world, or else I would fail my routine and rush off stage. In the back of my mind, I still knew there were eyes on me, only because I had a keen sense of presence, but as long as I didn't stare at each individual long enough to actually pick up on the quirks that made up their ugly faces, I was fine.

With my hands traveling above me, I slithered down, bending and spreading my legs more and more the further down I went. I bounced back up and went into a twirl on the sole of my boot before backing my ass against the pole, bending forward slightly as I arched my back.

Despite the cold weather outside, it was boiling hot in this club. This was likely due to all the sweaty old men panting like dogs in heat. Especially since I was the one working my body, the warmth was effecting me the most and I came to the conclusion it was about time to remove the jacket. I tried my damnedest to take it off in the most nonsexual way possible, but the action still managed to attract those idiots and I was rewarded with shouts and whistles. I cursed them under my breath bitterly.

Left wearing nothing but the tight straps over the top-half of my body, I blocked out their ruckus and focused on balancing the weight of my body off the ground with only the pole as my leverage.

Taking a tight hold, I invert my pose—all the weight of my body became trusted in my arms behind my back, my legs were extended above me, giving the illusions I was levitating. Slowly, I twisted my legs around the pole and I was free to remove my hands. Gravity had pulled my hair downward, it fell loosely away from my face.

With my arms relaxed now, I folded them boredly as I casually hung upside-down, observing the blurry sea of faces starting at me. Perverts. Every last one of them. I latched onto my cigarette that's been hanging from my lips and took another drag. The cloud of smoke that escaped my mouth had satisfied me because it fogged up my view of the faces surrounding me. Using only the muscles in my abdomen, I crunched up until my posture was upright again and I discarded my cigarette into the audience with a flick.

My knees bent as my hips swiveled side to side, grinding my backside against the pole behind me. My eyes closed as I focused on the movement my hips were making, but the slow pace wouldn't last long. My head whipped back and veered my body with it. I took the pole between my legs. Without needing a kick start off the ground this time, my body pulled itself into a spiraling motion and granted me more speed with every rotation until I gracefully whorled down the pole once more.

The moment my heel touched the surface, my boot charged into the ground with a solid kick, sending me half-way up the pole. Latching on with my thighs, squeezing for balance, my hand extended and barred onto the tip; an area no one other than myself was able to reach.

This is why I was insulted to be referred to as a mere stripper; what I was doing was a performance. Anyone can remove their clothes and shake their ass on stage, but not many could drift to the top of the pole, spin gracefully with one hand supporting my whole body and turn myself around mid-air before gliding myself down slow, being fully in control of my speed the whole way. It took a lot of strength and muscle strain to pull it off.

My body flowed down ever so slowly until my head and shoulders settled on the platform—it was well rewarded to rest half my body as my bottom half above me was still descending down the pole.

While waiting for the rest of my body to join me, I felt the belt of one of the harness straps around my chest be pulled up. When I looked to see what was causing this, I saw that a sweaty hand was tucking a costly bill under my strap.

"Tch." My face turned vile. Asshole, what part of "don't touch the dancers" didn't he understand?

Without having to readjust my pose much, I simply removed my leg from around the pole and gave a swift kick; the heel of my boot charged into perverts face before he could even reflexively blink. Have fun explaining  _that_  to your wife later.

Some of the other men cowardly backed away when the perverts blood sprayed out of his mouth before he hit the floor hard enough to knock him out, but their arousal returned and they cheered my action. At least they knew now what happened when you didn't obey the rules. If they were smart they wouldn't follow that guys mistakes. However, they weren't smart, that's why I always ended up kicking someones face in every week.

There were little-to-no rules in this sleazy place for the employees, but there were quite a few enforced for the costumers. With a lack of bodyguards, the dancers were allowed to defend themselves and beat the shit out of anyone who got too close or handsy.

Some of the other dancers didn't mind if they were touched so long as the one doing the touching gave a steep tip, but I didn't tolerate it. I didn't care how much money the pervert had, if he dare touched me, the price he paid was a missing tooth or a broken jaw. If a costumer wanted to tip me, leave it on the fucking stage, don't plant it on my body like I'm some kind of stripper,  _because I'm not._

Feeling that my routine was ruined, I couldn't find the will to continue. The thrill was gone the moment I was forced to take in the presence of those around me. There were a few disappointed groans when the men had realized I was done for the night, but I paid them no mind as I swept up their money from the stage.

Taking advantage of being on the high platform, I took a look around the club in an effort to find the least crowded area to head off too before hopping off, but not before my sight latched onto a pair of familiar eyes. Eyes rare and distinguishable enough that could not be mistaken for anyone else. Those eyes were set on me; they had a film of just about every emotion you can think of over them.

I froze. And remained like that until reality hit me. The only thing I could think of doing right now was covering myself up. I collected my jacket and leaped off the stage.

I propelled my way through the sea of perverts trying to get my attention, and even though any other night they would fail regardless, my mind was far too preoccupied on those eyes I detected at the back of the club. With every step, I prayed more and more that my own eyes were deceiving me, that my vision was still disordered from whirling around.

But that wasn't the case, and I knew this because I had walked right up to the person who owned those fucking teal-green eyes.

I stared down at him, blinking slowly and remaining silent. My features were sharp enough to cut the violent aura around me. The boy had shrunk so much smaller under my gaze—until I remembered I was wearing heels. That could be why he looked smaller than usual, but the illusion it gave made him look even more terrified, like it was his final moments before being devoured by a Titan.

It became clear after an agonizingly long moment that he had no intention to speak first.

"What  _the fuck_  are you doing here?" I was pissed. Not even embarrassed, not ashamed, just pissed.

Eren was squirming and avoiding a connection with my eyes, he fiddled with his hands and his lips motioned a few times, but no words came out.

"I asked you a question." My words sounded threatening enough to make the boy jolt; his face filled with panic as he struggled to form a sentence.

"It's just...you...I mean..." Eren stuttered and spit out, "I-I was just curious where you went every night...! It's not like I wasn't spying—I respect your privacy—if you just _told me_  straight away you were a stripper I wouldn't have followed you...o-or cared at all!"

My narrow eyes widened at the word that highlighted his whole pathetic excuse for a sentence.  _Stripper_. Is that what he thought I was?  _A stripper_? The boy yelped as I tugged him out of the club by the collar. His short legs were unable to keep up with my aggravated amble, he was left dragging behind me.

How the fuck did he even get in? Why would they just let a  _twelve year old boy_ waddle inside an adult club in the middle of the night? When we made it outside, I finally let go of my grasp on him when I realized I was hurting his neck. He winced with an eye closed as he rubbed roughly at the sting his cloth made.

Now that I looked around the exterior, I wasn't surprised that he got into the place unnoticed. There were no bouncers and people didn't linger around outside. It was a nameless club that looked like an ordinary building from the outside.

Only people who were trusted were granted access because it meant someone had to  _tell them_  about the place. That's why there was no need for bouncers or body guards, but there were still a few assholes who found out about the place from untrusted sources. Whatever, that didn't matter now. This stupid kid mattered now because he peeked into my private life when I already informed him that it was none of his business. That couldn't be left unpunished, but I just had no idea how to punish a kid. Adults were easy, I'd just kick them in the face, but I couldn't do that to a kid. Even if he was a stupid brat that deserved it.

Deciding on age-appropriate punishment would have to wait. I was freezing. I didn't get the chance to change thanks to this idiot and I was stuck wearing shorts and a light jacket in the middle of fucking December. There was no way I was in the mood to fight my way through the crowd and return backstage to collect my clothes. Instead I mentally noted I would retrieve them all tomorrow.

"We're leaving."

Eren didn't put up a fuss, he simply hung his head low as he followed slowly behind. He was obviously guilty, or embarrassed, I wasn't sure but I was glad he was feeling a negative emotion, he deserved it.

That sulking would have to come to an end though because his pace was too slow. When I was pissed, my pace accelerated, and I was cold too, which added to my speed. I was honestly surprised I haven't left him in the dust by now.

"Levi, are you mad at me?"

His dull, yet gentle tone pissed me off. Yes, I was mad. And you just made me more mad by asking. I didn't answer him.

"You're an adult, so don't think I'm judging you. If you want to be a stripper, I guess that's okay."

My rapid pace halted and Eren had lodged into my back, unaware of my sudden stop. He gasped and flung his hands up protectively over his head. The look I gave him may have implied I was going to hit him, but lucky for him, I didn't hit kids. But I will remember this and I will track him down and beat his ass in a few years. I was immature in that aspect; I held grudges.

"Just shut up. I don't want to hear another word from you until we get home. No, in fact, don't say another word until I say you can."

Eren obediently fell silent and it was a very quiet walk...until the heel of my boot got lodged between the cobblestone and I nearly tumbled. Then, it wasn't so quiet as I cursed the rest of the way home.


	6. Venture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is in a very strange mood, but this doesn't stop the trio from going on an awkward outing where Levi finds himself trapped in a conversation about his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: In this chapter I'm slowly diving into Levi's past concerning his parents. I have a chapter already written that briefly covers Levi's childhood, but that will come later on. Think of this as an introduction leading up to that.

For the first time in what felt like a while, I was out of bed at a decent time. My watch told me it was mid-afternoon—a time when normal people were already awake a few hours and conquering the day by attending to chores, work and shopping. While people were doing all that, I sat on the edge of my bed struggling to button my shirt. So what, I was behind a few hours. There's still plenty of light left in the day. See, I was capable of being a decent member of society when the mood strikes me right.

My wakefulness was likely due to not drinking last night and heading home earlier from work than I was suppose to (thanks to a certain someone). At least I didn't feel like total shit and my head wasn't throbbing.

The moment I exited my bedroom, I saw Mikasa sitting up on the couch, staring down into her lap. Even when I moved in closer to her, her head never shifted my way. Her face either suggested nothing was on her mind or every negative thought in the world was invading it.

I just now noticed this—but she honestly gave some of the saddest expressions I ever seen on a young girl; like she was about to cry at any given moment. Too bad I didn't pry into peoples lives. If I did, I would ask about her back story. Not that it was too hard to figure out the basics on my own.

I knew she wasn't related to Eren, but they referred to each other as brother and sister, meaning she was considered apart of the family. I wondered, though, what happened to her real family? Judging by the permanent frown on her lips, I don't think her departure from them was a pleasant one. And now with Eren's parents gone, I guess it was like losing her parents twice. At least she had Eren looking out for her. They seemed rather close, like two-people-who-went-through-a-lot-of-shit-together close. That's the best kind of company, if you ask me.

Before sitting beside her, I damped out my cigarette, worrying the smoke would start up her cough again because her condition was still fragile. She didn't make an effort to talk to me (or even look at me) and I didn't either. We enjoyed each others silence until a third presence entered the room and broke the peace.

"Hey Mika—ah...!" Eren had tensed up unnaturally the moment he saw me, his eyes wide and twitching as he gasped. Quickly, he turned his heel and fled back into the bathroom he just came from.

My brows sunk deep into confusion. Peeved, I crossed my legs—bothered by his rude reaction toward me. He was likely still shook up about last night. Second-hand embarrassment I think it was called, even though I wasn't embarrassed in the slightest. Or maybe that was his first sexual experience and he was having trouble controlling his hormones. Yeah, my performances had that kind of effect on people, that was probably it.

"What's wrong with him?"

My attention tilted to the quiet pitch beside me. I was caught off guard by the question because this was the first time Mikasa had willingly tried to make conversation with me.

I shrugged. "Who knows, your brother is kind of weird."

"Yeah. I'm sorry. He doesn't get along with many people so his social skills are awkward."

Would you look at that. She was actually  _agreeing_  with me. We were going to be good friends, her and I. We both found Eren weird and didn't feel the need to talk about unnecessary things or get into each others business. It was official, she made a good impression on me.

It went silent again, but after a few long minutes Mikasa's curiosity got the best of her. "I wonder what he's doing in there so long."

"He's probably doing something a young girl like yourself wouldn't understand." I said, and I was abruptly corrected with a muffled shout.

"I-I am not!"

Even if he wasn't doing something perverted and he was just hiding, he was going to have to face me like a man sooner or later. It was my house after all. How can you possibly try to avoid me? I almost felt bad for the kid. _Almost_. But, he brought it upon himself for feeding his own curiosity. Not that I could blame him, I always feed my own desires too.

Last night he couldn't look me in the eyes and even when I offered him to share the bed with me, he insisted on sleeping out in the living room next to Mikasa on the floor. Why was he so riled up about this? I thought his nerves would pass by the time morning came, but now he seemed even  _worse_.

It's annoying.

While trying to figure out Eren's personality, Mikasa had carefully stood to her feet. This was the first time I saw her stand. Looks like her condition really was improving.

"I see you're getting around okay."

"Yeah. I'm feeling better." Carefully, she stepped over to the bathroom as she minded her balance and knocked her knuckle against the door. "Eren, hurry up. I have to pee."

"Uh...Can't you hold it?"

"Eren."

"F-Fine!"

When he flung open the door, expression tense. I heard them bickering under their breath, trying to keep away from my ear range, but I made out every word. Something like "Mikasa, please don't leave me alone with him too long." Ugh. Fucking kids.

I pointed to the couch, gesturing for Eren to sit beside me. He tried to act like he hadn't noticed until I blared, "Eren,  _sit down_."

He nearly flew across the room just to obey my order.

"W-What is it?"

"What's gotten into you, huh?"

He didn't look at me once and by him staring into his lap absentmindedly, I couldn't help but think he resembled Mikasa. When he didn't answer, I pressed the issue again. "Come on, tell me what you're so bothered about."

"Nothing. I don't know what you're talking about."

If that's how he wanted to be, then fine. I ended the conversation there. If he wasn't going to talk, I wasn't going to beg. Go ahead, keep all those raging hormones to yourself, see if I care.

There was an unrelated matter that popped into my head upon wakening that I did want to discuss, but I had a feeling I'd get an awkward string of stuttering words if I asked Eren, so I waited for Mikasa to exit the bathroom before speaking again.

"Do you think you would feel up to coming out with me on errands today?" She looked to be healthier, but I wasn't sure if she would feel up to it. I doubt Eren would want to go without her and be alone with me at this point. So, today's plans all relied on her. Without at least one of the kids with me today, I wouldn't be able to follow through with the idea I had in mind.

She took a moment to think it over, then nodded subtly. "Where are we going?"

"Well," I started, only pausing to drape my arm across the couch. Maybe I did it for my own comfort, maybe I did it to make Eren uncomfortable and stir up his nerves. Who knows. "It's the middle of December and you kids have no warm clothes, so thought we'd pick up a few wardrobes. We can grab a bite out to eat, too, if you want."

"You really don't have to do that." she said. Her words came out kind of blunt, but her intentions were polite.

"I know, but I want to." I wanted to because for one, Mikasa was feeling better, but she was bound to get sick again if she didn't get some proper clothing. Eren would be the next to get sick too and I was in no mood to tend to his needs. Not to mention I was sick of seeing them wearing the same tattered up clothes, so it was in everyone's best interest if we went shopping.

And so, the outing commenced.

The first stop we made was to a local tailor. They were free to roam around the place and buy whatever suited their taste. Eren was being a little brat and refused to let me buy anything for him at first, but Mikasa managed to talk some sense into him. We threw out their old clothing and they wore one of the new outfits out of the shop while a few others were kept in bags that I carried with me to a nearby cafe; two kids trailing close behind.

We got a table and I ordered a coffee, not feeling much of an appetite. Eren, was still, being a prick and refused to simply glance at me even though I sat directly across the table from him. It was actually amusing how his eyes succeeded in landing on everything but me—his head swayed awkwardly up to the ceiling, down to the table where he'd pick at his untouched food, and to his right at Mikasa; who paid him no mind. She was busy digging into the meal she just ordered.

I really thought it was going to be a silent outing, which would be enjoyable in its own way—but Mikasa had surprisingly broke that silence, causing Eren and my own jaw to drop to the table.

"So, Eren told me you're a stripper."

Eren features strained; his fist slammed down onto the table. The dishes rattled. "Mikasa! Why do you always do that? I told you that was a secret—don't just bring it up in causal conversation!"

With Mikasa looking confused, like she didn't understand what she done wrong, I butted in and raised my palm. "Just a quick correction, but I'm not a stripper, I'm an erotic performer."

"Oh." Mikasa said simply, as if she hadn't a clue what I was talking about either way.

" _There isn't any difference_." Eren had hissed low through his teeth, but I caught it and kicked him under the table. I can break my own rule about hitting kids every now and again if I felt like it.

"What's wrong with you Eren? Stop getting so worked up about his job. It's none of your business."

" _Thank you._ " At least someone saw it my way, but I still disliked that she brought it up in the first place. Then again, I had the feeling she didn't know what a stripper even was. This was just an assumption, but she had a naïve look to her that suggested she didn't know much about anything relating to sexual behavior. I think she brought it up innocently to make conversation, not knowing exactly what it meant. She's been chatter than usual today, so it was probably an innocent attempt to break the awkward atmosphere.

If that was the case, she must be even more confused than I was. At least _I knew_ why Eren was upset, even if I didn't see the big deal about it, but Mikasa probably thought he was freaking out over a normal occupation. When it came down to it though, it all came back to being Eren's damn fault. If he didn't follow me, he wouldn't have seen what I do for a living and couldn't have told Mikasa.

It was Eren's doing that made this unsettling situation. All the blame could be placed onto him.

"Don't you both go against me. I can't help that I feel weird about it..."

"You can only blame yourself, you shouldn't have followed me." I folded my arms and hung my head with a sigh. There was no retort from him—he knew I was right. Looks like he was getting his own form of punishment, but by his own hand. Serves the dumb brat right. That'll teach him not to go snooping into peoples private lives.

The table became mute, minus the occasional sound of silver wear clinking, but Mikasa once again broke the silence and nudge Eren on the arm.

"Hey, Eren. Don't we know him from somewhere?" He followed her line of sight. Me being curious, I draped my arm over the back of the chair and looked behind me.

Fuck.

I, for one,  _did_  know him from somewhere. I half-expected to see him again before he left for another mission, since I always ran into him a few times while he was in town, but this is the first time I saw him during the day. Suddenly I felt naked for not having the veil of night masking me in his presence.

When our eyes latched, I pried my sight away and turned back around, sipping casually at my coffee while playing the game of oblivion. But when I heard his big-footed stomps coming closer, I knew I lost the game.

"Surprise seeing you here, Levi." I didn't bother looking up at Erwin, who was standing right beside me; I would just strain my neck anyways. There was no reason to take a glance at him, I already knew what kind of face he was wearing: that stupid, humble smile.

Knowing I was in no mood for conversation, Erwin put his attention on the others occupying the table. "Ah, so these are the kids you were talking about—it's nice to meet you both."

The kids stared up at him, seemingly trying to find his face in their memories, then Eren remembered with a jolt. "I recognize you! I always used to watch the troops come back in after a mission outside the wall."

He chuckled, almost nervously. "I see. Thanks for your support, then."

"Levi told you about us?" Mikasa said quietly, her tone almost unheard.

"Yes, the other night. Nothing but good things, not to worry. Thanks for looking after him."

Eren finally looked over at me and I returned the stare. I can't describe the expression he gave me, but his reply to Erwin helped me understand what the look meant. "No. If anything, he should be thanked. He's taking good care of us. I know I'm not the easiest kid to manage, but he has patience with me."

It was more like he was saying it to me than Erwin. He probably was. I gave a subtle nod, acknowledging his words. At least he was showing a little appreciation. Did this mean his fit was over with? I hoped so.

"You can sit down, if you want." I finally spoke as I looked at Erwin for the first time. He smiled.

"You sure I won't be intruding?"

"Yes, you will be, but you standing over me is annoying. Sit."

"Well, if you insist." There was a spike of snark in his throat.

To my left, Erwin joined the table and he ordered a coffee when the server came over. With the table growing quiet, I started up conversation. Not that I  _wanted to_ , but being around Erwin sober was awkward as it was, so I wanted to distract my tension with mindless chatter. "You might see more of this kid in the future, Erwin, he wants to join the Survey Corps."

Dumbfounded, Eren tipped his head to the side. To him, I seemed against the idea the other night when he brought it up, and now here I was mentioning it in front of the commander of the squad, seemingly showing my support.

I didn't tell Eren this, mainly because I didn't want to get into a deep discussion while I was tired, but I came to the conclusion it was the right thing to do so long as his heart was in it 100%. Mine wasn't, that's why I always disregarded Erwin's offer. Perhaps one day that percentage would go up, but I didn't see it happening in the nearby future.

"Is that so? Well, I'd be glad to have you apart of the squad."

"If Eren is joining, so am I." Mikasa had said out of the blue and I gulped my coffee down fast, nearly scalding my throat.

"No, Mikasa. Don't be influenced that easy."

"I'm not. I just want to protect Eren."

"I'm sure he could do fine on his own." Up until now I evaluated Mikasa as a frail, innocent girl. But the determination in her eyes told me otherwise now.

"Well, there you go Erwin. I got you two recruits. Now you can stop trying to enlist me."

"Nah, I'll never stop trying to get you in the Survey Corps," he chuckled warmly. It pissed me off. "How do you know you won't like it?" Erwin pressed on, and my shoulders slumped. Here we go, I knew this topic was bound to come up. But I can only blame myself.

"I don't know, I just don't like the idea of getting eaten by a Titan, if you don't mind."

"But you wouldn't. You're strong. Plus you will receive additional training."

Ignoring him, I waved down the server. I needed another cup of coffee. I was not awake enough for this conversation. Then again, it was my fault for mentioning it. All it took was me casually saying 'Survey Corps' for recruitment to be triggered.

"What's training like?" Eren asked, eyes curious.

Erwin pressed into the back of the chair and folded his arms. "Well, it's not easy, I can tell you that much. A lot of people give up because they can't handle the physical demand—it gets easier after the first year though. Once you're in the Survey Corps, you're still expected to keep training up, but it's less demanding. You have plenty of time to train your body between missions, though, because at most we head outside the wall monthly or bi-monthly, sometimes your periods inside the wall are even longer, so you can still live a decent life between missions."

You left out the part where hundreds of your men  _die_ every time you leave, not to mention the survivors have enough of emotional trauma to desire suicide. Whatever. He was never going to convince me. I knew his little speech was directed at Eren, but I could tell it was his way of sliding persuasive information my way without being direct.

"Levi—why don't you just join the Survey Corps too?" Eren started. "They take care of you, that's why a lot of people are signing up nowadays. It's harder to get by with all the refugees but enlisting guarantees you shelter and food. Then, you wouldn't have to work as a stripp—OW!"

"Oops. My foot slipped. My bad."

Brat. It's one thing saying things like that to Mikasa, but not to an adult I obviously know. He was  _so_ getting his ass beat in a few years, mark my words.

Sure, the Survey Corps took pretty good care of their soldiers, but that's just to reel them in. The risk of getting eaten alive was not worth the money, food and shelter they provided you with. Besides, only the Military Police offered luxury and safety and I heard it's nearly impossible to be selected for the squad.

"Eren's right, Levi. Why not join? It would be nothing but beneficial to you. No offense, but you wouldn't have much to lose. And I said time and time again that I guarantee your safety, so what's the real reason?"

Three pairs of curious eyes settled on me, waiting for my answer. I took a deep, steady breath as I set down my mug. I was ready. I was going to tell them the truth: the reason why I was so against joining. I was going to let it all spill out of me, right here and now for all to hear: "Because I hate the way Titans look. They look silly."

". . . . . ."

Well, I thought it was funny. Maybe my humor is too dry.

"That... _That's_  the only reason you're not joining?" Erwin took my joke seriously. Wow, at least I _have_  a sense of humor as oppose to not having one at all like him.

"Yup." I played along. Which really, my reply was true. I thought they looked ridiculous and stupid.

"Hold on—how do you even know what the Titan's look like? Have you seen one?" Erwin asked. "Unless you were in Shiganshina during the Titan invasion, I don't see how that's possible."

This guy was taking my joke too far, but being as absentminded as I was while trying to blow the questions away one-by-one, I accidentally said something I shouldn't have in the process. Smugly, I curved my lips. "I've been outside the wall. And I can confirm that yes, they are silly looking."

The three of them gasped as if I just told them I've been to the moon. I couldn't tell if it was shock, horror, or disbelief masking their faces. Probably all of the above.

"You...How?!" Eren started, enthusiastic interest in his words. "It's forbidden to go outside the walls unless you're with the Survey Corps!"

"Yes, that's right." Erwin turned to me, concern soaking his tone, "Levi—how did you go outside the wall...?"

I stared uneasily at them.

I unintentionally may have just dug my own grave. These guy weren't ones to stop pressing an issue until their curiosity was settled. My time outside the wall was not something I wanted to talk openly about. It's not that the memory in question was a problem to share, I just didn't think it was their business. But, if I ignored their questions, I would be bugged or it would look like I had a side of my past I didn't like to talk about because of something stupid like weakness, which was bullshit.

…I couldn't lie, not to myself.

The memory in question _did_ bother me, painful to reflect on, even. But maybe speaking up about it would confirm it didn't anymore—that it was just a meaningless fragment of the past that I was over with. Or maybe it would stir up mixed emotions. What to do, what to do...

"You're so lucky, Levi. I want venture outside the walls so bad." Eren interrupted my thoughts.

"No you don't, kid, it's just as shitty out there as it is in here."

"Back up." Erwin's face scrunched strictly as if my confession just caught up with his train of thought. The following words were assertive, as if he were scolding a child. "Why the  _hell_  did you go outside the wall?"

I realized my mistake. I talked to much (but in my defense, I was trying to make a joke but they all have terrible taste in humor). There was no way to dodge the question now without getting a headache from nagging or them getting the wrong idea, so I spilled it all and laid out my personal memory out on the table for all to see.

"My parents were on the run—criminals with bounties on their heads that were scheduled to be executed. Desperate and running out of places to hide, they soon resorted to going outside the wall. Titan's haven't been seen in hundreds of years by anyone other than the military, so my parents underestimated them, thinking they can outrun them and start a new life outside the wall with me, but..."

I unintentional stopped there. I tried to keep confidence in my voice up until now, but I wasn't sure if I could keep up the same tone. Mental pictures I long since forgot entered my mind; imagery I captured with blood in my eyes were invading every cranny of my brain. Everything else I knew up until now was burned away as these thoughts attacked me at all angles and there was nothing else I could do but relive that memory. I couldn't dodge it or run away. Even at the time, I couldn't run either. Just trapped standing there, forced to watch the horror unfold.

Just like back then, I couldn't tell if my body froze or if it was quivering rapidly. Just to rattle my nerves more, I leaped in my seat when Erwin laid his hand on my shoulder, running his thumb over my sleeve.

"That's enough. It's okay, Levi. You don't have to continue."

My horror-stricken face returned to normal in an instant, as if Erwin's touch pulled me out of that hell. But I wasn't thankful. How dare him pity me. What did he think I was, weak? Memories didn't bother me, it just caught me off guard, is all. It's been a long time since I recalled the time, so maybe I stunned my brain by pulling out a dusty, buried file lodged deep and hidden away.

I brushed his hand away as I swallowed thickly, hoping my heart couldn't be heard in this dead cafe. "Anyways—we only made it a few feet out before we were surrounded by two of those ugly things. The Survey Corps were on their way back inside when they spotted us, but it was too late for my parents. Almost nothing was left of them other than a few severed leftovers."

When we first made it out, the meadows before us almost seemed to be promising us a better life. Unlike inside the walls, there's limits to how far you can go before being blocked by a fifty meter barricade, but the green plains stretched on forever, giving us hope of a new life where no one would ever try to split us up or hurt us again. It was such a beautiful day, the kind of day that made you believe starting over fresh was possible—until a shadow blocked the sun from shining down on us. The picture in my mind showed me my mothers dainty, severed hand sprawled out over the untended grass blades, painting the green grass with crimson blood. We were wrong. Those meadows didn't promise us hope, they only led to despair and pain. All we wanted was to be together and never be split up. I suppose our departure was inevitable. We were never meant to be a happy family.

After a brief break to sort through my memories, I continued. "I was nearly swallowed myself, but I was saved and brought to Wall Sina."

"What did you do then? Um— _If_ you feel like sharing, that is." The interest in his tone was so obvious. Erwin wouldn't be satisfied until I finished, I felt; he was too invested into the story now. That went for the kids too, who were staring at me attentively across the table, filtering every word I spoke into their tiny brains.

"I was dropped off at an orphanage, but I ran away not long after. I lived out on the street for a while until I managed to meet some decent people in the same boat as me and we watched each others backs. But, they're gone now too, so, you know, that's about it." My life story ended awkwardly because I went off track, but I was lost in the moment, I suppose.

Erwin's blues turned glassy, his lips pulled downward. "Levi...I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

All three of them were staring at me with sympathy in their eyes, especially Erwin.

Fuck this. I'm done.

Done with this conversation, done with Erwin's pity parade, and done with this outing.


	7. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realizing Eren and Mikasa are going to stay with him for a while, Levi decides to upgrade them to their own bedrooms. Before readying the rooms for them, he finds something to remember his fallen friends by.

The departure from Erwin was awkward—I don't remember saying goodbye and I don't even remember leaving the cafe either. I just trampled off in the direction of my home and the kids were smart enough to follow me. I felt like some kind of mother duck or something and it pissed me off even more. Every little thing was pissing me off, in fact. The people strolling by at a casual pace annoyed me, children window-shopping was bothersome, even the laughter of gangs I shared a neutral-relationship with peeved me to no end as I passed them huddled together sharing a joint. For no reason other than I felt like it, I wanted to start a brawl with them. Though, I didn't and it was a fucking miracle.

After a fierce battle between me, my lighter and the wind the entire way home, I finally got my damn cigarette lit before even fully stepping foot inside the door. I was annoyed, but I discovered this on the way that it wasn't aimed at Erwin or the kids, but at myself. Really, what fucking happened back there? Did emotions carry me away? Did I get shot up with some trippy drug during the outing? It was hard to grasp this new side to my personality. I didn't welcome it warmly at all.

Those were unimportant memories, ones that didn't need to be brought up. They resided in the past and they had no place in the future. Instead of wishing I had said something—like I often do in a lot of social situations—I wished my mouth didn't even open at all today. Especially in front of Erwin and the children. I wasn't thinking. It's like a leaky pipe was blocked for years, building up until the day it finally ruptured the moment a tiny crack was made in the barrier, letting loose all the blocked up shit at once.

At the time, I figured it wasn't a big deal to bring it up but I buried these memories for so long—so damn long that I actually forgot about them, as if they never happened. For these memories to suddenly resurface...it was like it was happening all over again for the first time.

"Levi."

Just to add to my self-hatred, I jolted up at sound of my name being called. What the fuck was wrong with me? Now I'm on edge? Why—because of a stupid memory? I crooked my neck down, trying to let my face return to normal, but my features were far too stressed.

I answered irritatedly in an attempt to hide the jitter in my throat. "What do you want?"

Eren looked up with water steadily steaming down his cheeks—has he been crying all this time, or has he just started? I could just barely make out my own reflection in those big, teal-green eyes of his, and I didn't like what I seen. I hated my reflection naturally, but I hated it even more now. The face I was wearing was so pathetic and foreign, but I moved my attention to Eren's face overall—at the sorrow leaking from it.

I found myself envious at how he could be on the verge of full-blown wailing, but still stand before me confidently. This type of aura seemed to give the illusion that he was taller than me; stronger, more put together—like he already managed to sew up the shattered pieces of his body and soul, or maybe it was just a facade. However, he seem to have a better head on his shoulders only months after going through so much tragedy, but I had over a decade to get over my own and still was a fucking wreak at the mere mention of it. For some reason, my tensed features softened slightly—well, as soft as they were going to get on my face.

Eren hung his head lower with every following word he spoke. "Listen, I know stuff like that isn't easy to bring up, but I just want to tell you I'm sorry. I know I'm just a stupid kid, but if you want to talk about it, we can. You might not agree, or maybe you'll get mad at me, but I understand how you feel because my mom was taken from me the same way."

Being as emotionally unbalanced as I was, I was going to blow off his sappy speech in anger until I heard that last sentence. That's right—Eren's mom was devoured by a Titan too. He didn't tell me the details, but he probably seen it happen just like I did. He saw something he loved being carried into a Titan's mouth and be chewed up like a fucking dog treat. Then, watched as they swallowed down all the future memories and plans that never had the chance to come to the surface just because that mindless fucking idiot felt like eating a persons parents. Humans weren't unmindful animals, they weren't meant to be eaten; they were meant to raise families and chase their dreams, not reside in the pit of a morons stomach.

My suspicion about Eren and myself being similar in some aspects has proven to be correct. I couldn't get mad. Not at him because even if I did, he would see through it. He knew better because he went through the same thing—he would  _know_  it wasn't a genuine reaction—which would be more embarrassing than showing a little weakness.

I noticed he tried to keep himself emotional strong, unlike Mikasa, who seems to keep her emotions to herself but ended up looking depressed. Eren looked angry most of the time, but it was probably his way of altering his true emotions so he wouldn't break down and cry.

Indeed, we're very alike.

I did the only thing I could think of doing in that moment. With a solid plop, I settled my palm on the top of his head and ruffled his hair, looking far off into space as I did. "Thanks."

Eren was taken aback at the single word, like he never heard it before in his life. Well, it's rare to hear from me and was likely the last time he'd hear it coming out of my mouth. Still, when the shock wore off, he looked happy...too happy.

"Wipe that grin off your face."

But he only smiled more and rebelled against my order. Mikasa, who was standing idly nearby watching the exchange intervened. "I'm sorry, too, Levi. I'm also here for you."

This moment we were having right now... With all these emotions out in the open... It's...

...Making my skin crawl.

My lip twitched up before balancing my cigarette in the center of my mouth and I reached out for Mikasa's head, giving it a ruffle like Eren. It must have looked utterly ridiculous from a different angle, but I didn't care. No one else was here to see so I guess it didn't matter.

"You'll probably get mad at me for saying this..." Eren started, and I let go of his hair and gave him a look.

"Well if you put it that way, I'm already mad, so you might as well tell me while I'm in the mood."

"Heh... Well, up until now I kind of assumed you were a mindless thug without reason, but I think I understand you better now."

I tilted my head up and glared down at him, making the height between us seem bigger. "I am, though. I can't deny that. It's true. My past has nothing to do with the person I am now." To tell the truth, I wasn't sure if what I said was a lie or not, but I had no way of knowing one way or the other without going back in time and seeing my life unfold if I didn't go outside the wall and evidently ended up on my own.

"No, you have your reasons for what you do. I get that now. You managed to survive on your own the only way you could. It's admirable, Levi. I'm starting to really look up to you."

"Me too." Mikasa added in.

"Shut up, the both of you." The volume of my voice increased, hoping it would cut this soft atmosphere to pieces.

Eren chucked warmly. "And I was here thinking we were having a deep moment!"

"Brat."

"Stripper."

"I'm going to fucking kick you." I gave him a dangerous glare, but he grinned widely, knowing I had no intention of hurting him. Now it was obvious that he said that just to get a reaction out of me. Not bad, he found an insult that works on me.

This moment needed to end, though, and fast. I couldn't bare these wishy-washy type feelings anymore. It was gross.

The bags holding their new clothing was set nearby the door the moment I walked inside, so I put my mind on the task of putting them away. But then I realized something. I didn't have a spot for them.

Up until now, Mikasa has been staying on the couch and Eren sleeps in my bed, but it was slowly becoming apparent that these kids were going to stay with me for a while, meaning these living arrangements wouldn't do for a long-term stay.

Inhaling deeply through my nostrils, I took an awkward step forward and headed into the back bedrooms—the same bedrooms that used to occupy my friends. I told myself I would never enter their rooms again, not that I've been in them much to begin with. I wasn't afraid about being attacked with nostalgia upon entering, not in the slightest, but I just didn't feel right about going into their personal space without permission.

Well, I suppose there's no way to ask them. Even if I could, I don't think they would mind the idea I just came up with.

I closed my eyes for a moment while I touched the door handle. A subtle sweep of sadness overcame me when I thought of the last person who touched this knob. With a click and a squeak, the door was open.

It was dark, much like all the other rooms in the house so I turned the switch of the lantern to provide myself with some light.

It was a simple room, much like mine (only difference being the cleanly state). There was a queen size bed on the far left of the room and to its right was an old dresser. On the opposite side was a full length mirror. That was about it for furniture other than a lonely chair in the corner.

Everything was dusty—you'd think someone hasn't lived in here for years as oppose to days. But I was never strict about them cleaning their rooms—it was their own personal space that they were free to do whatever they wished with. Regarding their own rooms, I wanted them to be comfortable and feel at home, I guess. Besides, I never went in their rooms, so it's not like the state of them bothered me.

I took a seat at the edge of the bed, my fingers intertwined together on my lap as I studied the walls. They were cracked, warped and had an empty feeling to them. The floor had clothes covering most of it, and the dresser next to the bed held a comb and some dirty cups.

Just as I thought, there weren't any memories in here—nothing I could remember them by. They were simple people without any special possessions much like myself. We lived day by day and did what we had to to get by. And that was it.

As I was thinking this, an object caught the corner of my eye near the comb, I almost discarded it as a simple piece of clothing at first, but I recognized it. I straightened myself up and reached for it.

For a few long minutes, I held it in my hands, running my fingers over the fabric. The man who used to reside in this room was quite the eccentric who claimed to want the finer things in life, but his lifestyle really wasn't getting him any closer to that dream.

As a joke, my other roommate had bought this accessory as a gift for him, and it must have boosted his ego even more because every time he wore it he'd act so high-and-mighty, like a piece of cloth could actually transform you and change someones social standing in life.

Unconsciously, a wry smile had formed on my lips from the memories this simple piece of cloth held. My face turned a little bitter, but my thin smile still remained.

I was wrong. There were memories of them storied around this house, likely to remain so long as I lived here. Even if the entire place is cleaned top to bottom, there were still simple things like this to remember them by.

Across from where I was sitting was the full length mirror and I felt a wave of panic when I glanced up and didn't recognize who was sitting in the reflection.

It was me.  _Smiling._

I can't recall a time I ever seen my own smile being reflected back at me—I didn't smile much to begin with so this was very strange, but I decided not to let it fade, letting the foreign feeling remain on my face a little while longer as I unthinkably put the cloth around my neck.

After I tied it, I admired the new look in the mirror. It wasn't like me at all to wearing something like this—too snobby for my taste, but it wasn't  _terrible_. It did feel a little strange to have something clinging to my neck, though, but it was warm.

Subtly, I shook my head in disapproval. I couldn't believe it. I was actually wearing a  _cravat—_ an accessory I always made fun of, thinking it looked goofy on the fancy pricks that wore it...but I was wearing it and despite not being used to cloth hugging my neck, it felt almost right.

Maybe I was getting too sentimental, I knew it was just a stupid piece of cloth. But, there were memories tied to it, ones I didn't want to forget.

_I'm going to track down the ones who did this to you both. I promise._

It seemed like a prayer, even though I wasn't much of the religious type, but with these emotions swelling up I couldn't help but feel they could hear me from where ever they were. I wanted them to know I wouldn't forgive the people who took them away from me. If they could hear me, I would be pleased with that alone, but I wished they could just tell me who did this to them. It would make it so much easier on my part. I haven't even started the search and I already felt like I was running to dead ends.

But I won't give up, not until I return the favor to those bastards.

"That kind of suits you, you know."

In an instant my thoughts flushed and I tugged the cravat off me, even while knowing the damage was already done, and looked to the new speaker in the room. I swallowed thickly, like I just been caught doing something illegal. I don't know what kind of expression I was giving him, but it made him walk into the room, closer to me. I guess it was pleasant, was I still smiling? God, I hope not.

"What do you want, brat?" I said in my usual tone, as if all the thoughts I had previously were cleaned completely from my brain.

"Sorry, I was just wondering what you were up to. You left without saying anything," he hooked his head around the room, "I was kind of wondering why you closed off these doors from the rest of the house, until now anyways, but I know it's none of my business."

I looked away from him, returning my eyes to the mirror. My expression from before was just a blurry memory now. "I told you. I used to have roommates, remember?"

"Oh. Right, the ones that left because you're too messy?" He smiled, obviously meaning it in jest. "I'm kidding. They sure did leave a lot of stuff behind..." As his eyes trailed over the room. I could tell he knew there was more to the story. He might be stupid most of the time, but he was rather sharp.

My explanations would have to hold off until another day, though. Just opening this door was enough to drain me, and I already opened one wound today by taking about my time outside the wall. I didn't feel up to telling him the truth about what happened to my friends.

Someday, I will—if it came up again. We were going to be together for a while so I seen no reason to hide things like that if he asked. I don't like it when people pry into my business, but he was my business now. Him and Mikasa. We all lived together now, there was no reason to keep unnecessary secrets.

"Eren. How do you feel about moving into this room?" I put my glance back on his blinking eyes.

"Well...I guess it's better than sleeping with you. You talk in your sleep, you know. You woke me up like five times by threatening people in your dreams. It was kind of scary."

"Wha—" I choked on the word. I had no idea. Was he just pulling my leg? Or did I really talk in my sleep? That made me kind of nervous, I hope I didn't say anything too weird.

"Don't say shit like that all of a sudden. Geez, you're such a brat. Here I am offering you your own bedroom and you just..."

He waved his palms in from of him franticly. "No, no! I didn't mean it to embarrass you or anything! I was just reminded of the other night, so it kind of slipped out without thinking. Sorry."

I sighed loudly to let out all my frustration. As if he could embarrass me. "Whatever. Anyway—Mikasa could have the room next door if she wants, but we have to clean up first. I'll take care of all the clothes and belongings, you can dust and change the bedding."

Eren's lips curled up and I found myself thinking he looked pretty cute when he wore a face like that. I usually hate everyone's smile, or just didn't have an opinion on it, but I liked his. A rather strange thought popped into my head, one I never had before about anyone, but I thought: 'I don't ever want to see him lose that smile'. Yeah. It was definitely a weird thought, I shook it off  _fast_.

"I'll go get some supplies. While I'm at it I'll ask if Mikasa feels up to helping out."

"Sure, but it's okay if she can't. I'll get started without you."

When Eren went off to fetch the essentials needed to clean the rooms, I bent down to the floor and began picking up the scattered clothing on the floor and draped them over my arm. A part of me wanted to keep them and store the clothes somewhere safe, just because it felt rude to throw away peoples belongings. But, it's not like they were going to need them anymore. There's no point in holding onto them.

The cravet I was definitely keeping, though. Who knows, maybe one day it'll be my signature look. I had to hold back the laugh building in my throat— _as if_  I would wear that thing publicly.

Once I gathered an arm full, I went out into the living room in time to see Eren filling Mikasa in on the current situation.

"I'll help."

"You sure?" I asked as I dumped the clothing into the waste basket. She nodded and took the supplies from Eren's hand and went into the room I just exited.

"She sure bounces back fast. She's strong for a young girl."

"Mikasa? Uh, yeah." Eren gave me a strange tone, like I was missing a bigger part of the picture—or like I wasn't aware of something obvious I should have figured out already.

When Eren noticed my confusion, he spoke up. "Mikasa is crazy strong. Much stronger than me—don't let her know I said that though." he smiled, but it quickly turned into a frown. "That's why I was so upset when she was sick, because I never saw her so weak. Not counting the time we met, that is."

We idled around the wastebasket. Eren seemed to be done talking but I was very curious to know how these two met now that he brought it up. "How did you guys met, anyway? I figured it out on my own that you're not blood related, but..."

"Ah...It's kind of a long story, actually. I'll have to tell you about it another time, we wouldn't want to let Mikasa do all the work for us, would we?"

I nodded, unsatisfied, but he was right. I didn't want to just abandon her to do all the cleaning while Eren and I reminisced about the past. Deciding to place a rain-check on the discussion, we both regrouped with Mikasa.


	8. Amiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it comes to tracking down the ones who killed his friends, Levi is ready to do just about anything for information, which includes throwing away his pride and dignity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following material might be triggering to some. There is a sexual scene that Levi is uncomfortable with (but consents to, but the feelings aren't mutual or affectionate). I just don't want to accidentally trigger anyone so yeah. :x

The bitter taste of liquor was once again making its way down my throat. At least I stayed sober for one whole whopping day—it's only right to reward myself with a drink after managing that. Mainly, I was drinking out of boredom as I waited to start my next routine. Thanks to Eren, I had to leave early last night, so I decided to make up for yesterday's loses and stay for one more round on the pole.

At least when I was in work, I always got free drinks at the bar. Not because the employees drink free,  _I wish_ , but because all the perverts always paid my tab—their way of trying to impress me enough to sleep with them, I guess, but I swallowed down every drink they bought me with zero intention of ever fucking them. They were lucky if I managed to nod at their stupid rambling.

Tonight wasn't as overwhelmingly packed like last night. Men tended to come here during the week after work, but most stayed home with their families on Saturday and Sunday. It was mainly just regulars with no life and heavy wallets occupying the club.

When I was setting my glass back down, I noticed someone's relaxed fist next to my drink. There wasn't anyone sitting on that side before, so I road my eyes up the sleeve until I saw something that made my lip curl.

My sight captured that stupid fucking green unicorn—or whatever the hell the Military Police logo was suppose to be.

As if I wasn't pissed off at the patch enough, a familiar, grotty man was attached to the uniform. It was the same man who managed to punch me straight in the mouth the other night. This guy stood out from the rest of his squad because he caused me the most trouble. Keeping track of all the times he nearly arrested me and beat me to a pulp  _for no reason_  was impossible. Honestly, I don't know why he held such a grudge against me—it wasn't like I was a mindless criminal that put innocent bystanders in danger. Overall I tried my best not to run into him, but my efforts always ended in vain. He was simply unavoidable.

There was twisted delighted glistening in his eyes as he crooked his gaze on me, smirking, and I knew it was too late to pretend I had not noticed him.

"Levi, Levi, Levi... " he chanted my name in a cocky melody. "Just when I thought I couldn't think any lower of you, you show up at a place like this."

Groaning into my glass before I took a sip, I said, "At least I'm here just to make money, you're here by your own free will."

The dig didn't sting his ego at all and that irritating smirk widened as he examined the outfit I had on. I was wearing the clothes I had on the previous night: the sleazy version of the military uniform.

"Well shit. Ain't this a pleasant fucking surprise. Never would I take you as the stripper type. I came here after I heard this place had a nice selection of sluts to choose from...and they weren't lying. I'm impressed."

I was tempted to break my glass over his head, but that would be a waste of good booze. Instead, I put my anger into words. "Then go grab yourself a whore and get the fuck out of my face."

"That's no way of talking to a customer."

"You haven't spent any money on me yet so you're not my fucking customer." And frankly, I had no intention of taking his filthy, crooked money so he never would be.

"Fine, then." Leaning over, he dug through his pocket and smacked down a wad of cash on the counter. "I want a lap dance— _from you_."

"I don't do shit like that. Now if you would so kindly fuck off, that would be great."

"What if I told you money wouldn't be the only exchange?" he persisted.

Those words peeked my interest. Only because of curiosity—I had no intention of falling for any deals he offered as I followed with a reply. Besides, what could he possibly give me? A get-out-of-jail-free card?

"Alright, try me."

From the look on his face, it was as if he landed me on a hook and was reeling me in. I wouldn't be persuaded that easy, though. I liked making deals, but I didn't like negotiating with the Military Police; too corrupt for my taste.

"I have some information you want—about those friends of yours that were put down like dogs."

Before I could even take in his words properly, I had already sprang from my stool and grasped him by the collar, nearly sending him over the bar counter with all the force I put in. With his features taut, he tried to squirm out of my hold, but it proved to be too powerful for him to break free from.

"Tell me everything you know  _right now_."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Levi, take it easy. I over heard you talking about it to that prick commander and did a little digging around. Some of my buddies are in charge of the investigation and got some leads."

My fingers gouged into the cloth of his collar loosened, but I was still unable to let go, perhaps it was his words I was holding onto more than anything else. I gave him a shifty eye before my words dragged out. "Why...did you do that?"

Cooly, his shoulders slumped. That arrogant confidence came flooding back into him. "'Cuz I wanted some information I can hold over you in case I ever needed something from you. And well, I figured out what I wanted and I got the ticket to get it."

". . . . . . ."

He continued, "And just to let you know, this information won't be shared publicly. I'm your only source."

I bit the inner wall of my cheek. He fucking reeled me in, all right. The Military Police would be the only ones to investigate a crime scene—the odds of him not knowing anything useful was slim. This was a chance I had to take.

"Listen—I'll give you all the money I have on me right now and get you even more once you tell me. Does that sound like a deal to you?" My voice almost sounded desperate—it wasn't pleasant, shameful even. But I didn't care. This was the closest I came to a lead since the crime occurred.

His smirk grew wider as he shook his head. A sinking feeling ran to my stomach. "Nah. That's no fun. I want your body, not your money."

Shit.

Another time I'd beat the shit out of someone for talking to me like that, but he one upped me. He knew information I didn't; information that would take me a long time to collect, if it were possible to gather in the first place. Erwin was the only military soldier I actually got along with, but he had no connection to the crimes that went on in Wall Sina, he simply wasn't involved.

I have a bad reputation with the police—we all couldn't stand each other. They would never tell me what I need to know. Even if I offered the crooked bastards money, they wouldn't help me out of spite. But this guy—no—this asshole was offering an exchange. An unfair one, but an exchange nonetheless. Something he wanted for something I wanted. I had little time to think it over. Even though I knew I would hate myself for many weeks to come, I pulled him by the wrist into the backroom.

This situation I was placed in was agonizing. Every second went by like hours and the eerie feeling of being watched by a beast observing its prey was almost enough to make my knees buckle under me; allowing all my pent up nerves to crash down.

But I wouldn't give up that easy. I had to do this. I promised them eariler that I would find the ones who did this to them and if this helped me get one step closer, then so be it. I don't care what the cost was: whether I had to bribe these answers out of people through money, my body or fatal force, I'll do it.

Around us were walls coated with maroon, floral wallpaper dimly lit by flickering lanterns. There was a lounge chair placed on the far end of the room, currently supporting that bastards deadweight and I was standing right before him, facing the other way as my hips rocked side to side.

I can almost physically feel his eyes fondling me, it made me cringe. How much longer will this go one for?

"Come on, get closer."

The back of my calves were already brushing at the edge of the chair. There was no way for me to get closer, even if I wanted to, and I really, really didn't want to. "Tch. I can't."

"Put your legs up here, then." He pat the armrest and I peeked over my shoulder. Just what the fuck does he want from me? He's lucky enough to be getting a private dance—something  _no one_ ever received from me before. He had some nerve to be taking advantage of the situation by calling the shots.

But I swallowed my curses and backed into the chair, propping the joints of my knees over each armrest so that I was hovering just above his lap. This position had my body jutting; it was just plain uncomfortable. My legs were nearly split apart and all the harness straps wrapped around my body felt even tighter from the straining position. Just when I thought I couldn't feel more uncomfortable, he pushed my back slightly forward and away from him.

"The fuck are you doing?" Did he want me in his position or not? Make up your damn mind. To keep myself from falling forward, I pressed my palm into the cushion between his legs for support.

"Just trying to get a better view. You can shut up and get back to shaking your ass now." Before he even finished speaking, he clumsily groped me.

"Don't you fucking touch me."

"It's part of the deal. If you don't want to play, I won't tell you."

"The deal was a  _lap dance_  and the rules say you can't touch the dancers."

"Well we're playing by my rules. Now are you going to comply with my order or am I gonna have to erase that information you want from my brain?"

A jagged breath went through my nose. Endure it. Fucking endure it. It might be disgusting to be degraded like this, but it will be worth it. It's going to bring me closer to my goal. The only thought that got me by was this: After he told me what I needed to know, I would beat him senseless to make up for what he's putting me through now. I didn't even give a fuck anymore if I got arrested for it—I'd wiggle out of it just like I do with other binds I find myself in. He was useless to me once he told me, so I could do whatever I pleased afterward. That's the thought that helped me through this.

I started working my hips again, rolling them in circular motions. The faster this guy was satisfied, the faster he would tell me what I want to know. I arched my back and sat up some as my motions intensified and I kept my mind focused on kicking this guys ass; the thought brought me enough peace of mind so that I didn't reflexively swing at him when his palm slithered up my thigh and cupped the thin fabric barricading his hand from my crotch.

I bite my lip—not in arousal, fuck no, I would never get hard from this prick. The self-inflicted pain distracted me from his hand and his other when it ran up my chest. That's when a shine caught my eye. I peered down at the hand currently fondling my chest. On his left finger was a ring. A wedding ring.

Just when I thought I couldn't hate him more.

With my face turning sour, I battled against the corrupt feelings and rubbed my ass over his crotch, knowing that's exactly what he wanted. It wasn't long after that I realized he was budging through his pants, the stiffness was practically digging into me. As he violently pinched my nipple and rubbed vigorously between my legs, I kept on backing into his hardness.

A smirk was evident when he whispered into my ear, his ratchet breath reeking of alcohol. "Who knew the infamous Levi was such a whore."

Ignoring him, I kept my attention on my hips. Let's just get this the fuck over with so I can go home with useful information and forget this ever happened.

"Turn around, I wanna see your face."

"Shut up, you're lucky to being seeing _that_ side of me."

"Hm. I think that info you want is slipping from my memory~"

"Tch." I felt like a child being easily manipulated. It's like he was the asshole in those stories that stole candy from a baby, then waved it in front of them, just out of their reach. I twisted myself around and slid my knees on each side of his hips. I refused to look at him until he placed his middle and index finger on me and pulled up my chin.

"You're even pissy-looking when doing something like this. I find that strangely erotic."

"Fuck. Off." I hissed. He grinned, obviously pleased with my reaction.

A sudden realization occurred to me. This guy didn't get off on doing something like this with me. No, he got off on  _degrading someone like me_. In an effort to get more angry reactions out of me, he moved his hands down my back and cupped my ass—he wiggled his dirty fingers into the sleeve of my shorts and heaved them up.

"Cut it out, scum." My voice rose, but he went on like he didn't hear me and continued to ride the fabric up until it was digging into my ass. This fucking prick. I change my mind, I'm not going to beat him, I'm going to fucking  _slaughter_  him. After I got done with him, I'll be known as humanities most feared enemy.

"I think I did enough for you now. It's time for you to own up to your end of the deal." I had enough. Giving a lap dance was repellent by itself, but this was stepping into a whole another territory. I wanted out. Now.

But, he ignored me again and squeezed at the newly exposed flesh. He wrapped one arm around my lower back tightly and with his other hand, with vulgar force, spanked me. Stunned, I released a deadly groan as my body sprung up from the sudden sting.

How fucking dare him.

I sent him a fatal gaze, but he didn't receive it; his eyes were set over my shoulder, peering down at the red hand print left on my body. I was about to curse at him, but another spank was delivered—and another and another, getting rougher with each swing.

Through gritted teeth I said, "You fucking prick. You're taking it too far now. This wasn't apart of the deal."

"Think of this as punishment for all the trouble you put me and my boys through. Oh, and pay back for that kick to the gut, you fucking runt."

Giving a final loud crack, I jolted again and before I could even recover, he put his hands firmly on my hips and reeled me in suffocatingly close. A heavy restriction was put on my hips so I couldn't squirm away from his hardness rubbing up against my soft groin. Fucking pig. He intends to get off, doesn't he? The friction between the fabric became rougher with dry humps thrusting against me.

I don't care. Once it was over, it was over for good. It's worth it.

_Endure it, endure it, fucking endure it._

"It almost makes me want to laugh that you'd do all this for those loser friends of yours. They were trash just like you—just wasted chances at life that will never amount to anything."

My chest tightened. I already knew that. I already fucking knew that, you prick.

Maybe it was my mind trying to escape this horrible situation, but a memory of Eren's words echoed. The way he told me how doing what I needed to get by was admirable, that he even went as far as looking up to me.

No.

I don't want anyone, especially kids, to admire me. I was no role model and this bastard cumming in his pants at the moment was right, I was trash. I was nothing special. I would probably die young from an overdose or sexual disease at this rate and it wouldn't even matter. Whether I'm alive or not did not matter. My life was meaningless and I had nothing to offer the world. I wouldn't leave anything behind, no trace of me or even loved ones. No one would cry when I died. Hell, no one would even care.

The constriction around me loosened and I lurched backwards immediately and I took a long moment to enjoy the view of looking down at this pervert like the insect he was—I was completely fed up with him. No, I was fed up with him the moment I locked eyes with him at the bar.

"Enough playing around. Tell me what I want to know."

The man laughed hard, as if I just told the funniest joke he ever heard. I hadn't expected that. The composure I managed to collect had slumped as I anticipated his next words.

"How fucking gullible are you?" The laughs flooding the room became wilder as he bravely locked his eyes on mine. "I don't know shit. Those pieces of scum you called friends were scooped up and thoughtlessly incinerated. What, did you think tax payers are going to waste their money investigating the murder of lowlife trash? We disposed of people like you like we would a dog laying in the street, that's all there is to it."

My vision went red.

Not a single thought went through my head as I yanked him hard enough to pull hair out of his scalp and shoved him to the floor; he toppled over and rolled to his back with agony on his face.

I'm going to raze this fucker from existence.

Before he could even think of crawling away, I placed my heel on his juggler vein. All rational thought left my head. My body was still and solid; not a nerve out of place. My unblinking eyes remained locked on my target as various mental pictures of gruesome pay back entered my head.

I'm going to fucking kill him right here.

I'm honestly surprised I didn't pierce right through his neck the second my heel made contact—I want to, oh how badly I fucking want to. I want to kill him, but killing him like that wouldn't be satisfying enough.

"I'm feeling very generous tonight, so maybe I should do the world a favor and get rid of scum like you. Maybe I should kill you right now and let that wife of yours come to this raunchy club to identify your body." I took a steady, calm breath and let it out sharply as I shoved all my anger into my foot and bashed in his skull; traces of blood lathered through his light hair.

I might be trash, but he's fucking shit.

I circled around him, observing his pain. Those pathetic groans injected into my bloodstream and quenched some my thirst, but it wasn't enough. I needed more—another fix. Maybe it was due to my obsessive personality, but I was never satisfied that easily. When I enjoyed something, I selfishly salvaged every drop I could for as long as I could.

"I'm actually a nice guy, believe it or not. I wouldn't want your wife to go through something like that just because her husband is a dirty prick." Emphasis was added to my final words as I pulled my leg back with mighty force and released a bone-shattering blow to his side. I definitely broke his rib. He yelped like an unwanted dog being kicked into the street; those shrieks consumed me like a gratifying drug.

"Who's the fucking dog now?" I stomped down on his head. And again, and again and again. The only reason I stopped was to catch my own breath, but that's when I noticed he was still breathing himself and fully conscious. Not bad, he was a real trooper.

"Argh! You fucking whore! Doing this isn't going to get you what you want. I already told you, I don't know shit! You've been played, that's how shit goes down in the streets. Get over it and back off!"

"Oh, I know beating you won't magically make you useful to me," I don't know what kind of face was glaring down at him, but he looked utterly terrified. "But you had your fun, so now it's my turn to have mine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried so hard not to let Levi beat that guys ass just to make his misfortune seem even worse but...my fingers slipped...a lot... -quietly cheers for Levi in the corner-
> 
> Anyway—I feel this chapter was necessary because I couldn't help but notice that many dislike the Military Police due to their crooked deeds and I get the feeling they gave Levi a lot of trouble while he was a thug. So, I'm trying to establish a beginning to that grudge. Next chapter is going to focus on Levi's childhood and after that prepare for lots of Christmas fluff!


	9. Sabbath Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren unintentionally provokes some of Levi's past out, which later triggers a bittersweet dream about memories he had since forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter was inspired by the song "Wednesday's Child" by Vermillion Lies. I wrote this while listening to it so who knows, maybe some parts of the song matches with the scenes? :o

Sense of time abandoned me as I soaked in the bath—I had absolutely no clue how long I've been sitting here. Now that I allowed a thought in after my mind was put on hiatus, it occurred to me that I couldn't remember a few things, like how I got home. When I allowed myself to run wild, it became a struggle to get back on track. Much like a druggie coming down from his high—he'll still be a violent lunatic as he searches for his next fix. Even if what upset me was long over with and resolved, I can't think, I can only act. Like this animistic instinct dominates my whole being, and everyone knows how hard it is to tame a wild beast. When this state takes over, my mind turns into a cluttered fusion of impulses and unhealthy desires, making a mess nearly impossible to clean up.

It's hard to switch between my modes of rampaging and keeping my traditional composure once I'm initiated, but the once hot water that now turned chilled seeping into my skin was soothing enough to dilute some of those messy emotions. My elbow rested on the lip of the tub as my palm held up my pounding skull. I was still angry for so many reasons and at so many people, including myself, but I had to get over it. Just for the time-being, at least.

I needed my mind sharp, sharper than the blades I fantasied about stabbing into those who cozened me. I can't let my rage devour me and steal my sense of sanity. I won't get closer to my goal if I did that. I'd never trust anyone who claimed to help me again, so I only had myself. If I couldn't rely on my own thoughts, then I had no one.

Maybe Erwin was right, maybe I ought of learn some self control.

I almost laughed, but the gall in my throat blocked it. The day the walls and Titans don't exist anymore will come  _way_  before I learn self-control.

Regrettably, I thought back to events that took place earlier, and I still couldn't believe I didn't place any suspicion on that asshole back at the club—but I just wanted to believe he knew something so badly that I didn't let doubt cloud my mind. I was desperate. So fucking desperate to believe someone was going to help bring me closer to the people who took my crew away from me. I was never offered a break in life before, ever. Being the lone-wolf I am, I managed my problems on my own, perhaps this explains why I was so naïve.

I'm still shocked that I didn't end up killing him after he had tricked me into grasping a tiny piece of hope, then yanking it out of my hands. The poor excuse of a human was still alive, unfortunately, he was just knocked out with a concussion and a few broken bones after I was done with him.

In order to justify beating him as badly as I did, I had told the owner of the club the man had tried to force himself on me. Luckily, he was banned for life and can't step foot in the club again. Good riddance, asshole. At least he couldn't go there anymore to bug me, or try to sexually harass the other dancers like he did with me (knowing him, he would). It was a relief knowing I could go to my job in peace—well, as peaceful as an erotic performers life could get, anyway.

Still, I would likely see him around town, which I really was not looking forward to. If he learned his lesson at all tonight, though, then he should know better than to fuck with me again, unless he liked the taste of his own blood, then I'd be happy to fulfill his wish.

After dunking my head underwater a final time to weaken my thoughts, I dried myself off, got dressed and wrapped a towel over my shoulders to catch the droplets of water descending from my hair. With sleep weighing heavy on my eyes, my legs self-generated themselves and moved toward my bedroom, but my bare feet hauled in front of Eren's bedroom door. It was open, yet it was shut when I first came back home. Sleep can wait a few minutes—I wanted to see what he was up to. I spun around and went to the only place he could be.

Cupping a glass of water in his hands, Eren stood idly in the kitchen. I shrugged, telling myself he probably woke up from a dry mouth and would be heading back to sleep soon. He hadn't noticed me, so I was about to leave it at that and call it a night, but then I noticed he was not blinking—barely moving at all, in fact. Like he was in a trance. I guess that wasn't exactly  _strange_  for someone who's half asleep. However, Eren was pretty alert even when he first woke up, and I never seen him look like his guard was completely down before. Something felt off about him. Maybe I was just being overcautious because my tension was still spiking, but it's best to reassure myself now than miss sleep over my own speculating.

I made sure to get his attention gently, I didn't want to scare the living shit out of him. "Eren." I whispered, and he jumped a mile. Oh well, so much for not frighting him. "What's wrong? Have a bad dream or something?"

He turned his head slowly to me, just now noting my presence in the room, but his gaze fell back to his cup. "Oh, no. I haven't even been able to fall asleep yet. I guess that's because I'm in a different room—I was like that the first night in your bed, too. I'll probably sleep better tomorrow."

Puzzled, I panned my eyes over him, as if inspecting him for some kind of clue. That normal tone completely contradicted the vibe he gave off just a few seconds prior—never mind. It was probably my imagination. Or maybe that's just how he looked when he was really tired. He did say he hasn't slept yet, after all. My eyes get bugged out too when I'm sleep-deprived. But, I wanted to be sure. "...Sure you're alright?"

He nodded and continued to stare into his glass for a few long moments. I kept watch over him, still unsure what was going on with him. Then, he unexpectedly spoke again, his eyes looking far away. "Do you ever have one of those nights where you just can't stop thinking? Like every mistake you made in your life comes crashing into your head at once? It seems to only happen at night for me, but during the day it's like it never happened. Weird, huh?"

There was sadness laced in his words—words that made total sense to me. Without needed to think it over, I knew exactly what he was talking about. I think that's normal for everyone, though. The brain apparently gets active when its between sleep and wakefulness, I think there's a word for it, but I'm not a fucking scientist. In that time your mind could make you remember a lot of memories you thought you forgot, ones you buried, or ones you regret.

Awkward air skirted around me suddenly. I usually don't talk openly about trivial things like this. Not even with my fallen friends did I. I would just listen in on conversations that shared a related theme that they would (often) share together.

With my fingers, I combed my wet hair back and out of my face. "Yeah. I get that too. It happens to the best of us." And when I say the best of us, I meant people who always got dealt the lousy hand in life, even if they were young like Eren who didn't deserve the harsh consequences of gambling. People like myself took gambles of course, it was a way of life when you grew up on the streets. Every decision was always 50/50 and it all came down to what route you will regret least in the end. But for people like Eren, who had more options than that, it just proved to me further that the world was cruel.

I was in a similar boat as Eren and Mikasa at their age. I was homeless—and not because I was a rebellious kid who wanted to do whatever I pleased, but because my parents were taken away and I was placed in a horrible situation afterward. After that, it all went downhill and the stakes of my bets became more drastic. It wasn't my own doing that lead me to where I was today, that much I managed to gather over the past few days, but I still held responsibility over the actions I made now. There was no excuse for that. At least these kids had a shot, he still had a father around somewhere. If only they could be reunited, both him and Mikasa just  _might_ have a chance at being normal kids again.

"I wish there was a way to turn it off." A wry, forced smile appeared on his lips. These thoughts he's referring to must be heavy judging from his expression. I found myself wondering how a young kid could accumulate so many regrets and bad memories in a short amount of time. Sometimes it's like a domino effect—you make one wrong move and suddenly your whole life crashes down. I felt bad for the kid.

It wasn't much, but my reply was all I could offer him. "For me, getting a song stuck in my head does the trick. It doesn't exactly turn off the thoughts, but it's enough to drive them further away so they're not as potent."

"A song—really?"

I nodded, my arms folded. "Even if it's just a melody I heard while walking down the street or something, I'll just focus on the tune until I drift off."

Eren's head fell down, disenchanted, "...I would like to try that, but I don't really know any songs."

My brows spiked up. How can you not know any songs? That's strange. Or maybe it wasn't, I don't know. But I knew plenty of songs by the time I was his age. "Don't you know any nursery rhymes?" Surely, a kid has to know a handful.

He shook his head glumly.

What the hell? How does a twelve year old boy not know a single nursery rhyme? Geez, my mother might have been a criminal but at least she sung to her child. An unintentional sigh discharged as I tousled my damp hair in aggravation. In an attempt to escape from the faraway memories drawing closer, I returned to the conversation regarding Eren.

"Are you sure you don't know any? I thought every kid at least knew Monday's Child to remember the days of the week."

"No—I never heard of it. How does it go?"

". . . . . ."

Right now I was in  _no mood_ to recite nursery rhymes. Not only was it late enough to be considered morning, but I had a shitty night, very shitty. It just wasn't the right time. No time would ever be, now that I thought about it. I didn't like those songs anymore. There was a time that I did, but now recalling just the tune alone formulated a bitter taste on my tongue. Maybe that proves the past still bothers me, who knows, I didn't really care.

My nerves created a subtle chortle. "No way."

"Levi..."

There's no way I was budging. I'm stubborn that way. "I'm not feeling up to it, Eren. Another time, maybe."

I knew how to wiggle out of children's demands—if you promised them something, they'd likely move onto something new and forget to ask again. However, Eren wasn't a typical kid. If I learned anything by living with him in this short amount of time, it's that Eren was quite persistent when it came to fulfilling his own desires. I had a feeling he wouldn't stop nagging me like an immature brat until I finally gave him what he wanted. Admitting defeat that easy didn't happen often with me, but for Eren I suppose there were no consequences, but I still wasn't convinced enough to go through with it.

"Awh Levi, please? My mom never taught me any rhymes but now I really want to hear one."

I felt a pinch in my heart when he mention his mother. Maybe she entertained Eren and Mikasa in other ways, by my mother always sung to me, which was probably why I know so many damn children songs.

What now stood before me resembled a lost puppy, starting up at me with pleading eyes. I gulped awkwardly as I realized there was no fleeing from those big teal-green eyes of his. Damnit.

"Fine. You fucking inspired me. Happy?" I surrendered with a sigh.

How fast that expression switched, now he was like a dog wagging its tail. Ugh. I think I was just tricked for the second time tonight.

"But just letting you know, I'm not singing, just reciting it."

Eren gave me a smile, a real, genuine one unlike before. Even though I wouldn't admit it, that was enough of a reward for going through with something I found unpleasant.

" _Mondays child is fair of face,_

_Tuesdays child is full of grace,_

_Wednesdays child is full of woe,_

_Thursdays child has far to go,_

_Fridays child is loving and giving,_

_Saturdays child works hard for his living,_

_And the child that is born on the Sabbath day_

_Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay."_

Honestly, I was surprised I even remembered every line (thankfully, without getting tongue-tied like I would as a kid). It's been a good twelve years since I heard it. Of course, the person who sung it last did it with much more feeling, but whatever.

Puzzlement consumed Eren's expressions before opening his mouth slowly, "...That's harder to memorize than just learning the days of the week on its own."

"Right? I always thought the same thing." Eren sure was a chatty person once a topic came up, I had a feeling beforehand that he wasn't going to let the conversation die once I told him the rhyme. I felt aggravated just thinking of standing here any longer when I could be comatose right now.

"I like it though, it's catchy—I was born on a Thursday, so the rhyme is telling me I have far to go? What's that suppose to mean?"

I shrugged. "Who knows. I don't think it's meant to be accurate like a horoscope or something." I didn't want to tell him that I did actually find some truth in it. He had enough on his plate as it was, but I get the feeling this kid did have a very far way to go, with lots of struggles and hardships to endure along the pass of his life.

"Oh. What day were you born?"

I had to think about it for a minute. It's not exactly important information I stored in a close file in my brain. I heard a distant hum coming to the surface of my mind. It only took me a second to recognize it. My mothers voice was singing the rhyme to me. The gentle tone was far away, but clear enough to hear her sing the last part when she would add "Just like you!" to the end, making me laugh like the carefree child I was.

"Sunday."

"Oh, you're right then; the rhyme isn't very accurate." he giggled, obviously insulting me. Well excuse me for not being attractive and happy.

"But that's pretty interesting, you were born on God's day."

"I guess you can say that. I also share a birthday with his son." I said with an unmoved huff. It was strange, really, for someone as corrupted as myself to be born on Jesus' birthday on the Sabbath day. The irony was amusing yet unsettling at the same time.

Eren blinked at me, his lips a little gaped. "So your birthday is on Christmas? That's actually really cool. Ah—wait, that's a few days from now!"

My face expressed disbelief. I had completely forgotten. I was never one to celebrate my birthday—if getting piss drunk and passing out doesn't count (if it does, I guess everyday is my birthday). I never seen the fuss in holidays in general. I thought of it as man-made excuses to get more money out of peoples pockets. I usually would remember a holiday with a simple 'oh' way after the date had already passed.

"I'm going to bed. Try to get some sleep."

I seemed to have cut Eren off before he even got another word out and he hung his head disappointed at how our chat had ended abruptly. But he followed behind me without a fuss until we branched into different rooms.

When I laid my head on my pillow, I was greeted with familiar thoughts, the type of thoughts Eren and I discussed moments ago. The type of memories that invaded you in your most private moments, when all you wished for was unconsciousness to rescue you away from them all. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping my drowsiness would whisk me away soon. After a few minutes, images started to flash faster than I could keep up and I realized I wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon.

A new addition to my never ending regret and bad memories was made tonight—I felt like total shit for what happened earlier. I scooped so low. I degraded myself. It would take a while to restore every drop of lost dignity. Of course, this wasn't a new sensation, I was used to doing things I wasn't proud of, but this was the freshest memory that would keep me company tonight.

While trying to avoid all my current thoughts—like I was in some type of mental battle with myself—my eyes latched open when I made out what could be described as a faint hum. At first I mistaken it for coming from my own head. But no—I was sure that the melody was coming from the next room over.

What I was hearing was Eren humming the melody of Monday's Child. A numb sensation covered my whole body, starting from my head down to my toes. Involuntary my eyes slitted until my lids snugly joined together, my breathing steady. I was lulled into a peaceful sleep. Perhaps too peaceful, because my dream tossed me into a tranquil memory that started with the distant echo of my name being called.

"Levi? Levi honey? It's getting dark out, you need to come inside."

I could hear my mother chanting my name with her gentle tone from the other side of the house, her voice nearing closer with every syllable she spoke. "Come on, you have to start getting ready for bed while there's still daylight—" The enthusiasm in her voice dipped, a scoff in her throat as she spoke the following words, "Oh, Levi. Not again. I  _just_  bathed you."

When my mother finally approached me, she carried with her a look of frustration, but that was to be expected. From head to toe, I was covered in mud, appearing even dirtier than the stray mutt I was playing with beside me. It wouldn't be easy to blame my filthy state on an accident this time. Just to make me look even guiltier, I was literally kneeling in a deep brown puddle. I ran my fingers over the muddy, hardened fur as my mother placed her hand on her hip, trying to look threatening, but she couldn't look mean if she tried. "Why did you go and get yourself dirty again?"

"Ummm..." I put a stubby, dirty fingertip to lips. "Because it's fun!" The friendly canine barked after my comment, seemingly agreeing with me. Even though my mother warned me to keep clean before I went out for my last playtime session of the day, I had  _accidentally_ tracked some dirt on my pant sleeve and figured damage was done, a little more roughhousing with my companion on the ground wouldn't make much of a difference...but I got carried away.

"You're a little handful, you know that?"

I pouted, my cheeks puffed out. "I am not little!"

My mother gave a warm giggle, looking at me like her most treasured diamond. "You're right, you're going to be just as big as your daddy someday." She flung me up into the air and caught me with a tight embrace. My smile shined brighter than the setting sun as my head nestled on her shoulder. When she held me like this, it felt like nothing can harm me, like I was protected by a shield.

"Speaking of dad, where has he been lately?"

My mothers expression twitched grimly, but her friendly aura bounced back fast enough not to notice. "Didn't I tell you he got a new job? Well, he works long hours, his boss is kind of a meanie that way."

"What's he do at his job, mama?"

She set me back down on the ground and wiped off her dress. "Look at that, now you made me dirty. You really need to stop being a little piggy, mister."

I hung my head, completely overlooking the fact she skipped out on my question. "I'm  _not_ little..."

"Oh, right, right! You're a  _big_  piggy!"

We shared a laugh together as she took me by the hand. After arriving back into the house, she had gave me what was likely my third bath that day and settled me into bed. It was a hot night, so when she tucked me in I tossed the blankets off immediately. The summer has been brutal these past few days. During the winter, it was easy to find comfort by the fire, but in the summer there wasn't much to do other than sweat and fan yourself.

"You know, you wouldn't be so hot if you just kept yourself clean once in a while. The hot baths is making your temperature go up."

"Then you should give me cold baths. Or no baths at all, that would be better."

My mother expressed a dissenting look. "I don't think that's possible with you. After a few days you'd be so covered in dirt that I wouldn't even recognize you anymore."

I rolled my eyes with a grin, I never could understand her intense disapproval when I ended up getting myself filthy. You'd think she would be accustom to it by now given how sloppy her own child was. My father shared a similar view as myself, but we'd often both got lectured for simply not removing our shoes before entering the house. It made me laugh how my father would hang his head like a child when he'd make a mess at breakfast, but my amusement would quickly fade when I was the next to be targeted by mother when she had no other choice but to wipe up food sticking around my mouth.

Lately though, she only had to clean up after me because my father has barely been around. He comes home late when I'm already sleeping and he's gone by the time morning came. The house felt empty without his presence, even though he lacked much presence to begin with. He was a quiet man, but a wise one. If the mood striked him right, he'd tell me these fascinating stories that he picked up over the years. I could never tell if they were fictional or if he was speaking from experience, but I enjoyed the tales nonetheless.

When he wasn't as busy, he'd do the fatherly thing and bond with his son in an attempt to shape me into a man. Even though my mother told him I was too young, he would tease her about babying me and bring me to an open field where he would teach me how to fight and defend myself. I never saw much point, I was a kid, who would I use such skilled moves against? But still, I relished in our time together and I feared our father-son bonding would end if I ever spoke up about this, so I went on with the lessons until I was strong enough to knock my six-foot father off his feet.

Our conversations after these sessions ended were always brief, but he would always say the same thing: "I'm not going to be around forever, but I want to leave this world knowing my son is safe. That's why it's important for you to learn how to fight."

I never did question where he learned to fight. I kind of assumed he was just born with the skill. Or maybe he learned it from my grandfather, who I unfortunately don't remember meeting before his passing. I was told he blessed me as a baby, but of course I wouldn't remember that.

My mother and father were very religious people. When my mother wasn't busy with cooking and cleaning, her nose was stuck in a bible and my father, despite his quiet nature, would recite passages from the bible if the situation called for it.

Due to this, I was well rehearsed in the bible and was often reminded that I was a blessing from God that was put on this Earth the same day as his son because I held great importance like Jesus. I didn't know how to take that, really. Whether I was a powerful savior or someone who would befall great tragedies and self-sacrifice wasn't clear. I could hardly relate myself to Jesus at all, it felt like an insult to his holy name to be compared to someone like me. I was just a dumb kid that couldn't even take care of myself without my mothers constant assistance. I wasn't capable of saving people or being a hero, and I was too much of a coward to sacrifice myself for others.

I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes. My vision before me was completely black, yet I still could sense I was the only presence in the room. My mother was no longer beside me, which told me I must have dozed off while she was tucking me in for the night. My door was cracked open slightly, and a dim light from the gap wasn't the only thing leaking into my room. As my drowsiness wore off, my hearing intensified and I heard a voice. The one-way conversation started too soft for me to hear, but then clamored.

"How could you go through with something like that? You know the whole city is going to be after us now, right?" It was the voice of my mother, almost unrecognizable. When I would track mud on to every inch of the house she wouldn't even yell like that. I was stunned to say the least. I could only assume she was arguing with my father, who I had yet to hear.

My mothers voice lowered, but I was still able to detect her words. "I thought you promised you wouldn't take jobs like that after we had Levi. We both made that promise the day he was born that we would change and never do things like that anymore. We finally found a place where no one would find us and you go and fuck everything up. Now where are we suppose to go, huh? What are you going to tell your son?"

A chill ran through me. The summer heat no longer an issue as I sunk under my covers. I never heard my mother speak like that before, I was actually frightened, like she was possessed by some angry spirit.

"Please, calm down. We'll figure something out, we always do."

"No. We  _already_  figured it out but you blew it. We were living safe here until you—"

"You know we needed the money, having a son means we need even more than before, so how can you just expect me to live a normal life now? You know I don't want this anymore than you, but we both done things we weren't proud of. You have no right to ridicule me."

"Don't you think I know that? At least I wanted better for Levi so maybe,  _just maybe,_  he wouldn't grow up to be crooked like us. I want him to have a good life."

"Of course I want the same for him, that's why I'm trying to provide for us. You made mistakes just as bad as me before he was born. We have to live with those mistakes now, make the best of it and do what we can."

The next room grew quieter than my own for a long while, until my mother choked up, a weep caught in her throat, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lash out on you. I'm just scared.  _I'm so scared_. I don't think we can keep running forever. I just want to see my son grow up to be a fine man, but that's not going to happen if things continue on like this."

"I know, I know. I didn't think it would get so out of hand when I accepted the job, I really didn't. I thought it would be the usual, but then all these people showed up—anyway. What's done is done. In the morning we'll have to leave and start over one more time."

"We're running out of places to hide, you better make this time count." I heard my mothers footsteps stomp with fury until they were silenced in front of my door. The gap widened as she peeked her head in, but just before she fully closed it I opened my mouth.

"Mama?" I said, my voice quivering.

"Sorry honey, I was just checking on you. Did I wake you?" Her voice was calm, you never would have guessed she was just in a heated argument with her husband.

I sat up. A single thought accompanying me. "We're moving again?" That's all I managed to understand at the time. It hurt. Just knowing we were leaving again  _really_  hurt. I was just starting to really like this place. Even though there weren't any kids around or places to play, it was comfortable.

My mother wordlessly crept into the room and sat beside me. She rubbed her slender fingers over my forehead and down to my cheek. Her eyes were glassy, and if it wasn't for the strained smile she wore I would think she was on the verge of crying.

"I'm so sorry, but your dad was transferred in work, so we need to move one more time. Okay?"

My lip crunched up, my brows settled downward to an uncomfortable space. I looked away from her.

I immediately thought of the stray dog I had recently made friends with, and it made me sad thinking about leaving him behind. Who would play with him if I wasn't here anymore? More importantly, where would I even be tomorrow? What kind of house? I liked this one—it was small but it felt safe and homey. I tried to imaged the people I haven't met yet that would be my neighbors, would I even have any? Or would it be like the region we lived in before that had nothing but plains surrounding every corner?

Moving was unavoidable. I was a child with no other option but to trail behind my parents. I knew it would be useless to speak my mind, all it would do would get me in trouble, so I instead tried to focus on the positive sides to leaving what I became familiar with behind. I would tell myself that there would be new places to explore, animals to meet or maybe even kids my own age. So far, only one other place we lived had children in the community, but they weren't the nicest bunch. Most of them picked on me for my size because I was the smallest in the schoolhouse. Even though my only experience with school was terrifying because of how nasty children could be, I still missed learning in a classroom setting. My parents, especially my father, were intelligent, but they weren't teachers. I didn't get the same satisfying thrill of acing a test when my parents would give me lessons.

Everywhere we lived after that became more and more isolated, meaning there weren't any schools around and no other children to play with. In fact, if you didn't count the stray animals I made friends with, mother was the only one I talked to. Father was out of the house often, and when he was home he liked to be left alone with his thoughts most of the time.

I just wished we could settle down in a busy, peaceful town. The kind of town where everyone was friendly with each other with a nice school, places to explore and animals to befriend.

That was ideal, but I didn't see it ever happening; no matter how much I wished. It's nice to set goals for yourself and dream, though, even when you knew in the back of your mind it would never come true.

My mother's expression matched my own, and she continued to pet my hair. "Don't be upset. Here, how about I tell you a story to make you feel better, hm?"

I shrugged, not really caring either way, but it might take my mind off the inevitable.

"Hm, let's see." After striking a match, she lit the lantern and crossed her legs as her face squished humorously as she thought. I could tell she was trying to cheer me up, I rewarded her with a tiny smile. She thought for a little while longer—this was likely because she told me old folklore and urban legends almost nightly, so she might be running out of stories.

"Ah, I know the perfect story. Have I ever told you why I named you Levi?"

My head shook against my pillow. "No. There's a reason?" I never considered a meaning behind my name. I thought parents just named their kids whatever they thought sounded nice.

She nodded, the sad smile never fading. "The name comes from the bible. Leah was blessed with four children, Levi being the third son and he was the founder of the Levites Tribe which was assigned priestly duties. The bible suggests that this name was given because it means "join" in Hebrew and she wanted Jacob, a man she loved very much, to join her in union. But, he was already in love with her little sister, Rachel, who gave birth to two children, one being Joseph who Levi was very jealous of and ended up plotting against."

"...Mama, this isn't a very nice story. Why would you name me after a guy like that?"

She chuckled, she seemed to have lost herself in the story for a moment. "Because Levi was a good person but with flaws. He made some wrong choices, but he made good ones too—when a prince did very awful things to his sister, Levi killed all the men in the city. Even though Jacob was furious with him, he didn't care. He wanted to protect his sister no matter the cost. The prophecy of his father states he was an 'Instrument of Cruelty', but I admired that about him, that he could use his cruelty for good and evil, equally balanced. In some ways he was a saint, in others a sinner, No one in this world is completely good or completely bad—I wanted your name to remind you that it's okay to make mistakes, so long as you do what you feel is right."

To say the very least, I was disappointed with the story behind my name. I thought she would tell me this admirable tale about a confident hero who swept in and saved children from a burning orphanage or something—not some guy that went around fulling his own selfish desires. "I understand what you're saying, but that guy still seems like a jerk."

My mother smiled as she swept my strains of hair away from my hooded eyes. The vision of her and her following words slowly began to fade. "Perhaps one day you can relate to him."

I flung up from bed, gasping and nearly choking. I held my throbbing chest and squeezed my eyes shut and spread them open, blinking rapidly. My jittery pupils scanned around the room, unaware of what time period I was in for a moment. After a steady breath through my nostrils, I swallowed a thick accumulation of saliva and I laid my head back down cautiously.

Once the dream lost its vividness, my face turned bitter. I rolled over, praying with all I had that I would sleep like the dead with no dreams to interrupt me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually challenging to write. I really wasn't sure what route I wanted to take when it came to Child!Levi and his parents personalities (I had a lot of alternatives) but after some thinking I decided I wanted them to be pretty normal (other than the criminal part). I feel Levi had to get that kindness of his from somewhere, so I'm making it so he took after his mother, but his fathers tough/cold exterior counter-reacts with that, making the Levi we all know and love. :3
> 
> Oh, and I mean no offense if my bible references are inaccurate. Blame google!


	10. Uplift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids start nagging Levi about not being in the Christmas spirit. Reluctantly, he gets them a tree and is not pleased to find out that they aren't satisfied with just that alone.

There was too much triggering me lately. All these thoughts and sensations I haven't had in years were returning without warning, knocking at my door and dragging in their messy memories with them.

Whatever. Let's see how long I could go before my self-pitying inner monologue turns itself back on again.

In an attempt to start the new,  _wonderful_  fucking day off right, I took a sip of my coffee—that took me precisely two seconds to realize that it literally tasted like grainy shit. Well, there goes my attempt at leading a wonderful morning. I tried.

I know Eren means well, but ever since he self-proclaimed himself as the chef of the household my taste buds have been miserable. It wasn't that he was a _terrible_  cook—some meals he prepared were almost enjoyable. Let's just say he puts a little  _too much_ love into his ingredients—and when I say love I mean he just adds way too much unnecessary shit to every meal he prepares. Sure, his pancakes were fine, if you can find them under all the sticky syrup and butter. My coffee would have served its purpose if he didn't go ahead and add three too many sugar cubes to the cup.

Even Mikasa—who never stopped eating until her plate was empty—had shoved Eren's shameful attempt at an omelet from her.

"What, why aren't you finishing it?" Expression frantic, he hooked his head over his shoulder. That's when I realized he was at the stove. Cooking again. I suddenly felt my life was in danger. Fuck, I hope he's not cooking for me.

"I'm full." Mikasa lied. How did I know she lied? Because I was a professional at pokerfaces too, meaning I know the signs when someone is making one. I blinked across the table at her and she returned the same glare. We were both silently sharing the same thoughts and I wondered for a moment if we had telepathy, but vigorous arm movements caught my peripheral vision. With seasoning in hand, Eren shook the flavoring over the dish until the scent of the spice filled the kitchen, nearly made me sneeze.

"You might as well remove the cap and just pour the whole fucking container over it."

"Huh?" Oblivious, Eren stared at me, his arm still in motion.

"Stop. Seriously. That's enough."

"No, no. Trust me, it'll taste much better. It's my secret ingredient." He claimed confidently. Now with the spice container half-empty, (or half-full depending on your optimism level) he plopped the plate in front of me with a big, goofy grin.

Well, let's hope that secret ingredient is rat poison so I won't ever have to eat this ever again. While Eren's followed my every move, I daringly picked up a folk and took a tentative bite. How I managed to swallow added an eighth mystery to the world.

"You lost your kitchen privileges." I said flatly, setting distance from the plate with a press of my finger.

"Eh?" His chipper housewife persona was long gone, he remained standing over me with confusion and doubt.

"Eren," Mikasa added, "you wouldn't be a bad cook if you just didn't try so hard." I couldn't agree more.

"What are you talking about? I don't try too hard! My cooking is fine!" Eren scrapped the dish across the table and in a hostile motion, plucked the folk from my hand—he didn't have to  _pry_  it out—he was more than free to take the burden away. The need for any utensils was unnecessary, I had zero intention of finishing that garbage. Even so, he still had about the same amount of manners as a scavenging raccoon.

An insulted expression remained but diluted each time he chewed. His jaw paused. The folk shattered down on the plate. He looked at Mikasa, then myself before swallowing hard, hanging his head low before us like a puppy after pissing on the floor. He realized his mistake, at least, even though it wasn't much of an accident since he intentionally fucked up.

"Okay. I'll put less seasoning next time."

"Next time? No. Don't worry about cooking anymore. I'll handle it." I tried to word the request decently, but it all came down to me having little faith in his abilities, not because I wanted to take a chore away from him.

"I need to get better at cooking. Just let me keep practicing."

Using my hand for support on the back of the chair, I lifted myself up and poured my sandy coffee down the drain, then turned back around with a suspicious glare, leaning myself against the counter with my arms crossed. "Why do you  _need_  to get better at cooking?"

"My hobbies are none of your business—c'mon Mikasa, you ready?"

The girl gave a subtle nod and rose from her chair. I followed behind as they left the kitchen, my head spinning—that's the first time I felt that while sober. "Wait. Where the hell are you two going suddenly?" My suspicion spiked even more.

"Uh, to look for my dad? Duh." Irritated by his bratty tone, I stepped even closer and grabbed my jacket off the hook. I had to hand it to him, it was a good excuse, but I knew it was a lie. I haven't known him long, but when he's hiding something or lying, his ears glow red. "Good idea. I'll help you look."

"N-No! Stay home!"

"...I knew it."

"Huh?" Eren's mouth gaped up at me, and Mikasa patiently idled behind him.

"You're doing something sneaky. What are you up to?"

Eren looked over to Mikasa for answers, but she remained silent. He heaved a defeated sigh lashed forward. "Mikasa and I found jobs, okay? It's only temporary, though."

I couldn't tell if he was bluffing or not in an attempt to hide something else, but I went with it until I could come up with a final verdict. "Why? Money isn't a problem around here, I make plenty of it."

"Yeah I'm sure you do." The undertone of his words pissed me off. I stepped toward him and took his ear between my thumb and index finger, pinching the lobe. I was honored a yelp.

"Knock it off!" he swat my hand away, his face red. Honestly, I had no clue what was going on. Why would they suddenly get temporary jobs without telling me?

Wait, no. This brat was _still_  lying.

"Why'd you say you were looking for your dad, then? Why not just tell me you had a job?"

Eren dragged down his cheeks, wiping his aggravation and then shot me a look, it was as if he was calling me every insult under the sun in the privacy of his mind.

"I just didn't want you following me. It's embarrassing, okay?"

"Follow you to work? Oh, like you did to me?"

". . . . . ."

To say I was satisfied with the way his lips motioned but no words came out was an understatement.

"A-Anyways, we're going to be late. Can we go?"

I waved them off with a dip of my head. Eren inhaled a relaxed breath before swinging the door shut behind him.

A moment later, I fetched my coat and dug my feet into my boots.

 _Of course_  I was going to follow them.

The buildings passing me by were covered in a cold film of white, even the cobbled ground was just a memory now that a few inches of snow was coating it. The kids remained in the foggy distance as I kept waking a few feet behind, taking my eyes off them now and then to skim over the blurry figures rushing around. There were more people out than usual, not that I was familiar with morning atmosphere, but suddenly a reason to explain this hit me—along with Eren's preceding statement—Christmas is drawing near.

I slipped the flap of my coats collar over my face, covering enough to make only my eyes visible. There wasn't much of a cold wind, but the snow descending straight down on me like soft rain was enough to make a numb burn intrude my body.

Look at all these idiots getting worked up over a holiday. Why exhaust yourself and wallet on useless gifts, candy and toys? The meaning behind Christmas has been long since forgotten; not many savor the holy day anymore. It was merely a competition to see who bought the most expensive gifts, or to bribe your kid into shutting up about the toy they've been begging for, or a way to impress someone with artificial luxuries as oppose to earning your way to their heart. As I saw it, it was a crooked holiday that benefited crooked people. When I put it that way, I briefly pondered why I detested it so much.

My boot crushed into the ice when I came to a halt, looking up at the building before me. Icicles hung from the ledge of the roof, and I realized the building Eren and Mikasa disappeared into by the back entrance was the same cafe we went to together.

So this is where they're working, huh.

I idled outside the front entryway, finishing the rest of my cigarette before extinguishing it in the snow. Between my heated breath and tobacco vapor releasing my mouth, I blew out double the amount of smoke as I pulled the handle—my cautiousness up until now was in vain because I forgot about the obnoxious bell that rang off when the door opened; a way to let the staff know a new customer had entered.

It was fine, though. There was no sight of the kids. I relaxed a little when I realized they would likely be helping out in the back since they went in that way. Not that I cared either way, but it saved me from listening to Eren's whining if he found out I followed him, no matter how hypocritical that would be.

Inside the shop was notably warmer and the smell of coffee and pastries (that had more sugar than dough) attacked me from all sides. I stomped the slush off my boots onto the welcome mat so that I wouldn't track snow all the way to the counter. I was trying to keep a low profile, but hey, I'd take the risk blowing my cover for some decent coffee any day.

I wasn't particularly fond of any of the food here; not that I didn't have the occasional sweet tooth, but it was just a little rich for my taste. Their variety of actual meals was slim, but if I had an appetite right now, I could have managed to order a simple breakfast. My tongue, however, was still stinging from Eren's secret ingredient. The brew here on the other hand was satisfying and well-received. Since I'm normally sleeping at this hour, I don't get a chance to buy a cup here often, so I patiently waited in the busy line.

"Oi, Levi."

My eyes instantly flew shut, my mouth forming a perfect downward curve as I shoved my head to an angle, giving myself a moment to simmer in my own self-pity. A groan may have vibrated in my throat. Can't I go out once without being bothered by something? Fuck, I sure am a popular guy, aren't I?

My eyes remained closed, too bothered to open them until I spun my slumped posture around and finally glanced in the direction my name was being called. Rolling my eyes at the smile gifted to me, I removed myself from the line and smacked my palm down on the table, my hand loosely on my hip as I bent forward.

"What, do you fucking live here lately?" This was, of course, an exaggeration. This is only the second time I have run into him here, but it felt like more times than that—in fact, every time I saw Erwin it felt like it was one too many times.

"I like the coffee here—it's nice to see you too."

Lasting only as long as a twitched, I gave one of my sarcastic smirks that would likely send a baby into tears. With aggravated strength fueling me, I pulled out a chair like a prissy bitch that didn't get my way and sat across from Erwin. I needed coffee in order to function properly, meaning I was unaware at the time that I unintentionally just set myself up to be annoyed further. But that was to be fixed when the server came over to take my order.

After the woman had left to fetch my drink, my arms draped over the table, holding me up as I leaned over to Erwin, my eyes scanning the area. "Apparently the kids are helping out here."

"Really? Good for them. It's nice to see young kids being responsible."

There he goes, being lame again.

I leaned back in my seat, but I still couldn't shake my suspicion about this whole ordeal. Maybe I was still on edge from last night and couldn't find truth in anything. Still, it was odd that they would suddenly scout out a job for no apparent reason. Or maybe there was but I didn't see it—Eren and Mikasa seem to be overly appreciative of letting them stay with me. Adding funds to the household might be their way of showing thanks, regardless of how unnecessary it was. That was probably it, I just didn't catch on quicker because I tend to overlook sentimental gestures.

The server returned with my coffee and I quickly indulged, deciding against waiting for it to cool down. The steaming hot drink was enough to eliminate the chill leftover in me from the walk over here, plus it managed to burn away the nasty aftertaste of Eren's failed attempt at breakfast.

Being as occupied with my beverage as I was, Erwin found entertainment in the newspaper that I assumed he brought in with him.

"Today's headline is pretty wild," he said as he read, "apparently an officer got beat nearly to death by a stripper last night. Now that's something you don't hear everyday."

"Mhm. Sure isn't." His words went right over my head as I nursed my mug, staring down at the murky liquid.

And here it comes—the realization.

Oh for Christ sake, I made the front page again.

I yanked the paper out of Erwin's clumsy grasp and quickly skimmed through the column. According to the report, I'm a victim who used self-defense against a perverted police officer and my identity is to be concealed for my safety.

You bet your ass that's accurate. The reporter should get a promotion.

"Eh." Carelessly, I tossed the paper back at the table, some of the pages sliding out unorderly as I did. As long as privacy was kept, I could care less what the papers wrote about me.

A chuckle was in his pitch, "You alright?"

I cupped my chin in hand, looking away at nothing in particular. "Yeah."

Erwin's mood dipped along with his head, as if he read me better than the newspaper he reorganized and set to the side of the table. "...I'm assuming you have no leads yet, huh."

"I thought I came close to one last night, but it was a bust. I don't know where to go from here, so I'm a little bummed if you don't mind." I had no idea why I was confiding in him, but Erwin proved to be a good listener at times. There was also an unmistakable aura of reliance that glowed about him. Not that I trusted him, but I gathered that he didn't have it in him to turn on me—yet.

"If you want my opinion..." he started, and I honestly didn't. "It might be a better idea to take it slow right now."

"Can't. If the trail goes cold then I really won't find them."

"Why don't you put your mind on something else for a while? Christmas is coming soon, why don't you start getting into the spirit?" he laughed, knowing how stupid he sounded. Or maybe he was just  _so_  stupid that he was being serious. I could never tell with him.

I flipped my bangs with a roll of my eyes. "Ew."

"C'mon, Christmas isn't so bad. It was around the time we met, remember?"

"Not really. I tend to block out bad memories." Until late, apparently.

"That's a cruel joke."

"Who said I was joking?"

He inhaled through his smirk. "Fine, then. I'll remind you. The first time I spotted you was when you were drunk beyond belief, swinging around on unauthorized Maneuver Gear until the Military Police finally caught up with you, then I was the one who bailed you out before they threw you behind bars."

The rim of my cup paused right before touching my lips. My eyes widened and cornered Erwin. "That  _actually_ happened?" I had absolutely no recollection of that at all. He wasn't the type to pull my leg (he had a terrible sense of humor) so I can only take it as the truth.

Erwin found amusement in my panicked expression and his laugh got louder as he seemed to be recalling the details of the memory. He tried straightening out his face, but he'd start smacking his palm against the table again when a laugh spilled out.

I tried to form the pieces of the day in my head. "The only part I remember was picking you up at the bar, then fucking you senseless back at my place."

Erwin's features sharpened, the whites around his blues expanded as he squirmed his body in his seat, inspecting our surroundings to ensure my words didn't reach any other ears but this own, then returned to the conversation with a much softer tone than my own. "No, that happened afterward."

I couldn't help I was a little fuzzy on the facts. Meaningless sex tends to replace the important details.

A bell rang in my head. I curled my nose at the memories belated arrival. "Oh, shit. Now I remember. I puked on you and took you home to get cleaned up.  _Then_  I fucked you senseless."

A hard laugh threaten to leave his lips, he fought it back but despite his efforts, he still resulted in having a warped grin. "Aren't you the romantic type."

I could have just puked on him and left, but I cleaned him up and fucked him. That seems romantic to me. I nodded in agreement. "You know, if you squinted a lot I could actually pass for a presentable gentlemen."

"No arguments there. Too bad you always decline my offer to go out to a nice restaurant with me. I would like to see that gentlemen side of you be put to the test."

"Gross. I would puke on you  _again_  if you ever put me through something so disgusting. Let's just keep our usual dates of wild sex, shall we?"

"You know, for such a cleanly person you sure do have a filthy mouth."

"My mouth is one of the few things I like to keep dirty, I think you'll agree with me there." I toasted up my mug with a jerk of my brow.

As I drank, I peeked over the rim of my cup in time to catch his tongue swiping over his bottom lip. Yeah, he knew  _exactly_  what I was taking about. He wasn't an idiot when his dick did the thinking for him.

Alright, so  _maybe_  Erwin wasn't as annoying as I make him seem—he managed to take my mind off some shit for a while. I almost wanted to thank him, but instead of scooping to his lame level, I showed my thanks by rewarding him with silence. I could tell he was about to explode from the inappropriate conversation being publicly exchanged, so I'm sure he was grateful.

"Getting back on track—do you still have that Maneuver Gear? Don't tell me you still use it."

I cocked my head side to side, like I was mentally debating on whether or not to tell the truth. Erwin already got his answer from that.

"I use it when sparingly. I bought new parts for it a few months ago though, so it's ready to go next time I need it." And when I say bought, I mean steal, and when I say parts, I mean I just took a brand new one for myself from the black market. Hey, those things are expensive and Erwin didn't need to know the details or else he'll go into father-figure-mode, which was a total turn off and his sex appeal was all he really had going for him. Why ruin a good thing?

A fought back smile appeared as he shook his head, disapproval and amusement battling for dominance on his features. "I'm still amazed at how you taught yourself to use the equipment. Some recruits take forever to master it—you're a real natural."

I groaned into my cup. "If you turn this conversation into convincing me to enlistee in the Survey Corps I will throw this scalding hot coffee in your face."

He put his palms up in surrender, suggesting he knew I wasn't joking about blistering up his skin. "I'm not saying another word, Ebenezer Scrooge. You better be careful, though, you might get visited by ghosts tonight if you keep that attitude up around the holiday season."

Little too late for that warning.

I chugged down the rest of my coffee—I would have liked to enjoy the last of it leisurely, but I just wanted to leave. Not because of Erwin was necessarily bugging me (this time) but chats with him tended to drain me—everything about him drains me.

Yes, that's a double-entendre.

Wordlessly, I excused myself from the table.

**~x~**

I backed into the couch and merged myself with the cushions. With my arms out-stretched, I reflected on the chores I completed in my head, mentally checking them off as I recited them. Dusting, check. Landry, check. Dishes, check. Sweeping, checked—although it proved to be more trouble than it was worth. The damn broom is shedding bristles, leaving behind a bigger mess than there was to begin with. I tried to tighten the string holding it together, but it proved to be a useless attempt at fixing it. During the day, hours crawled, so at least I managed to kill extra time when I settled for sweeping up with a small scrub brush manually on all fours, then mopping over it. Now, I was just waiting for the floor to dry.

I went over a few other completed duties and nodded as the list came to an end. The house was perfectly spotless—or as spotless as this shithole will get. It was sanitary, at least. The blazing fireplace almost made it a little too toasty in here—I was especially hot since I spent the day washing the house top to bottom without breaks, but I figured the kids would be cold when they arrived back. With the thought of them in mind, I checked my wristwatch then returned my arm to the back of the couch. 2:55. They should be back any minute now, the cafe closed at three.

Fifteen minutes later, I heard a knock. The freshly washed floor had luckily dried before I walked across it and unlocked the door.

Stepping in fast to escape the winter assault, Eren held the wall as he removed his shoes, Mikasa came in last, shutting the door behind her. I extended my arm over their heads and relocked the chain and sat back down on the couch as Eren told me about their day (in great detail). The gist of it: their duties included cleaning the kitchen and prepping for the bakers. Odd how he wasn't all secretive about his job now. I'll never understand this kid.

When Mikasa finally escaped from her outerwear, I had noticed her hand holding onto a weaved handle. She walked over and set a basket down on the coffee table before me.

"What's this?"

Finally removing his jacket and hanging it up on the hook, Eren completed the circle around the table and pulled back the cloth to reveal a basket full of pastries and rolls, the previously trapped scent spread across the room freely, hiding the smell of the cleaning chemicals.

Mikasa had explained that the owner sent them home with the leftovers of the day, since it was going to be thrown out anyways. It sure was a lot; more than three people could eat in a day. But the thought vanished as I remembered I was starving, having not ate all day. When I first came home I originally intended to cook myself a proper meal, but wiping off the counter became an all-day cleaning marathon and I forgot all about my hunger pains.

I trod off to the kitchen, telling them to warm up by the fire while I made some tea. I didn't want either of them getting sick, especially Mikasa since she recently recovered. Everyone knows you're the most vulnerable to get sick again once your immune system already weakens. Within a time span of a few minutes, I readied three cups in time to hear the whistle of the kettle going off.

With his arm holding up his weight, Eren sat on the floor across from me, the coffee table between us. In his other hand was a croissant, which disappeared in a flash after gulping it down. We were making small talk— _we_  being Eren yapping and Mikasa and I nodding, hardly following.

"Oh, that reminds me," I wanted to tell him not to talk with his mouth full, not because I was that kind of an adult that cared for a child's manners, but because he was getting crumbs all over my clean fucking floor—but I was unable to scold him because he kept talking, licking his fingers as he did. "When do you plan on getting a tree?"

I slowed my chewing down to give myself time to think. My face suggested I swallowed something sour, but it was his words that caused that. "Tree—what tree?"

With a roll of his head, he clicked his tongue. "A Christmas tree, Levi, a Christmas tree."

"Oh, that tree. Yeah, I'm not getting one. Tree's belong outside, not in the house." The concept of Christmas trees never made much sense to me. You take a dirty-ass tree, likely riddled with bugs and possibly wildlife infested rabies and put it in your house. Then stick balls on it. Who the fuck made that up? Whoever it was, I'll have what he's having.

Eren slumped forward, his arms loosely in his crossed lap as he studied me. My expression must have settled any doubts. "Seriously? It doesn't feel like Christmas without a tree."

"Well then, I guess Christmas isn't coming this year. What a shame."

"I think a tree would liven the place up." Mikasa settled down her cup with both hands. "The spot over there is nice."

She pointed to the empty space in the corner of the living room, just left from the front door. After examining the area myself, considering the fact that it did look quite empty, I blinked back over to Mikasa and Eren, then closed my eyes on their hopeful faces. In little circular motions I rubbed both my temples, preparing my voice for a stricter tone. "No. Now drop it. We're not getting a damn tree."

"Levi..."

"Don't you  _Levi_  me, we're not getting a tree, Eren."

"Pleaseeeee?" His pitch rattled right through me, making me wince. I hated when kids begged all sing-songy.

"No—you stop that _right now_  or so help me you won't live to see Christmas."

"Fine, fine," he flopped his back to the ground, shot down by my assertion. "I guess I should be happy I'm not out on the street for Christmas, I shouldn't be complaining about a tree."

This fucking kid. God damnit.

A jagged breath prepared me, but I still nearly bit off my own tongue to stop myself from speaking. "If I say we can get a tree—will you shut up?"

How fast he sprung up, his pout inverted completely. "Yes! Well—under one condition."

" _Excuse you_? Shouldn't I be the one giving conditions?" I didn't even have the power to include myself in the pending exchange, so I scratched my previous sentence and replaced it. "Fine, what else do you want?"

"You have to promise to help me and Mikasa decorate it."

"Ugh." I slowly closed my eyes and rested my head on the back of the couch as I internally cursed at Eren, and cursed my own heart for how fast it started beating.

Why—did it do that?

I didn't feel  _that_ annoyed for raged adrenaline to be pumping through me. Nor was I embarrassed, I don't think (I'm not really sure what the emotion feels like). Even if that was the case, why would I get embarrassed at something so stupid, anyway? I probably ate too much of this pungent junk food. Yeah, that was it. My heart whacking out simply meant I was about to have a heart attack. That was more preferable than my former guess.

I wanted to get it over with and said we should leave sometime within the hour. Once we were all fueled with sugar and tea, we headed out.

**~x~**

Our scenery of the busy city was replaced with an isolated white plain of land, untouched by the freshly fallen snow from this morning. The stumps left behind indicated a few others had this place in mind when picking out a tree, but there were still plenty, big and small, to spare.

I still couldn't believe I was doing this. Why was I out freezing in the snow when I could be warm at home? Why was I surrounded by filthy nature? Why was I suddenly taking a step toward celebrating Christmas in the first time since I was a kid? Why did I have two small children easily manipulating me into doing such things?

All these thoughts likely came to me due to my brain being frozen—or maybe these children were evil. Instead of being blessed with guardian angels they were little demons that wanted to make my life hell.

For the record, brain-frosted delusions mixed with holding an ax was  _not_ a good combination.

The snow had stopped falling, making browsing a little more bearable as we scouted out the  _perfect_ tree. When I say  _we_ , naturally I mean the kids since this was their idea of fun after all. I stood behind, distracting myself from the cold by watching a nearby cardinal; its red feathers contrasting intensely against the white backdrop. It dug its beak into the snow with hopes of fishing out a worm.

The bird flapped its wings and flew away from Eren's abrupt shout. "This one's perfect!"

I cracked my neck just trying to glance up to the top of the tree Eren picked out, his arms spread wider than his grin as he boosted about the tree like a salesman.

"That's a big-ass tree. How about we try to find one that will actually fit in the house."

Mikasa was a little away from us. The tree beside her equaled her body and a half in height. "What about this one?" Her voice was muffled behind her scarf.

"No way, I don't want some midget tree." Eren said, his tone contemptuous.

"Eren, don't use words like midget, it's rude." I actually had no clue why I just said that. Offensive terms never bothered me, I wouldn't even bat a lash if Eren choose to slip out a swear word, but for some reason my scold came out on its own (without warning, I might add). I didn't have time to ponder why because Eren was looking at me, alarmed.

"Did...did you just defend the tree?"

We blinked at each other. The hollowing wind filled the silent void.

"I don't understand how it's possible to be  _rude_  to a  _tree_." he said, his bangs swaying in the frigid air as he ruminated.

I groaned and left my imprints behind in the snow as I approached Mikasa. "Just for being a smartass, this is the tree we're getting."

"No! It's too small!"

"Eren, stop being mean to the tree." Mikasa added in my defense with a serious tone, but honestly I really wasn't  _defending the god damn tree_. The word Eren used just didn't settle with me right and I spoke on impulse. Eren looked between both of us like we were abusing substance.

"What's wrong with you two?" His voice went down a few levels when he labeled us  _weirdos_  under his foggy breath.

This whole tree nonsense has gotten out of control. I didn't even  _want_  to understand what just happened. I just wanted to take a damn tree and go home to warmth.

It was Mikasa's idea to bring along a flat board attached to some rope for a way to transport the tree back to the house. I'm glad she suggested it, because I didn't know the first thing about lugging along something that was so awkward to carry.

Without Eren's consent, Mikasa and I settled on the smaller tree and after a few chops with my ax it fell heavily into the snow.

"If this thing has any pissed off squirrels in it and it gets stuck in my house, I'm blaming you, Eren." I pointed at him with the ax.

"Wha—Why me? You're the one that got attached to the stupid tiny tree, not me!"

"Stop calling it names, Eren, you're going to upset Levi again."

"Mikasa." I cut her off with a subtle warning. "That's enough—just bring that board over here so I can slide it on."

After making sure the tree was secured, I rested the ax on my shoulder and started walking, telling them that if they wanted the tree so badly, it's their job to get it back to the house. There was a whine from Eren, but he quickly submitted to pulling along the tree, knowing it was only fair.

Before we even made it back into town, Eren had given up and scooped to a low level of allowing his sister to haul the tree by herself. I was going to replace his spot and help her out, but pulling with one hand as she was as she casually sighted her surroundings made it look incredibly easy. Eren might be right, she does seem ridiculously strong.

We made a stop at a local shop, I offered Eren and Mikasa money to get essentials and decorations for the tree, but they refused, saying they would pay with their own money they earned today. I shrugged my shoulders.

Browsing the store for ugly hooked figures and shiny balls held no interest for me, so waited outside and smoked until they returned with a few bags in hand. I took the load from Mikasa and offered a switch in pulling the tree, but she resumed the position and declined. Well, I offered. That was about the last drop of generosity I would have this season.

Back at the house, I reluctantly helped them get the tree-stand under the tree, making it stand just a few inches taller now. Eren folded his arms as he stared at the bare tree with hostility, like he was going to beat it up. What difference does the size of a tree make? It's just going to be thrown away after Christmas anyways. It had branches to stick stupid ornaments on—isn't that the only part that mattered?

I made another round of tea to warm us up. Mikasa was arranging the items out of the bags for easier access and Eren threw a few logs on the fire. After placing the tray of tea cups down on the coffee table, I took one for myself and stood next to the tree with Mikasa, sending my own share of dirty looks at it. It must feel very unwelcomed in this home.

...Why is it that this tree keeps being treated like an actual living thing. That needs to stop.

Having not shopped with them, all the decorations they bought were new to me, so I inspected them all. It's the usual traditional junk everyone puts on Christmas trees: shiny glass balls, bells, creepy hooked figures of angels and cardinals and tinsel—which I wasn't happy to see, that shit sheds  _everywhere_. Now that I thought about it, pine trees shed too. It was going to be a challenge to maintain this area with a broken broom. I scowled into my mug.

Eren returned from the mantel and squeezed his way between Mikasa and myself, splitting us apart and nearly knocking my arm enough to spill my drink.

"The shop ran out of stars."

"Hm?"

"You know, the star that goes at the top of the tree?" I assumed they went out of stock since normal people tend to have their tree up and finished by this time of the month. He bent down to the decorations neatly spread out on the floor and picked one up. "We got an angel to put on the top, though."

I took the eyesore from his hands. It looked more like a doll than a tree topper—it was a generic angel with a halo over her blonde hair, a harp held against the white silk dress and wide extending wings, that were made from actual feathers. I tilted the figure to inspect it further. Under her dress was a hollow tunnel that was formed in order to penetrate a tree branch in it, to keep it in place on the tree. Well now, that doesn't seem like a very holy way to treat an angel.

"Don't put it on yet," Eren pulled the angel away from me. "That goes on last."

"Does it really matter?" Whether it was put on now or later didn't matter to me, but I didn't see why it was an important rule to finish off the top of the tree last.

"Have you ever even decorated a tree before?"

"A long time ago." I replied to him and set my load on the couch, sipping my tea. "I'll let you guys get started, I'll help later." I was hoping I could sit this out and not have to decorate the tree at all, but I had a feeling I wouldn't escape the chore that easy. They wanted the tree, so why not just do it all themselves? My assistance wasn't needed, if anything I would just get in the way.

"I have trouble believing you even celebrated  _any_ holiday to be honest." Eren was turned away from me when he received the honor of placing the first ornament on.

"I'll have you know I celebrated two holidays this time of year, actually. My father grew up celebrating Christmas, and my mother grew up celebrating Hanukkah, so we would just merge the two together." My head heaved back at the words floating before me. A draft from my past has breezed in again. I just wanted to prove the brat wrong, but my counter-attack proved to stun me even worse.

On his tip toes with his arms stretched out, he hooked a figure blindly as his gaze rose over the line of his arm, his eyes on me. The tree's too small my ass, he can barely reach the midsection.

"What's... _Hanukkah_? I never heard of it."

As much as I felt I did enough just by allowing a Christmas tree in the house, I decided not to ruin the mood by snapping at him with a simple 'shut up' and instead explained. I didn't mind, really, but it was still strange to talk about given the fact I never mentioned it before. At that moment I realized Eren and Mikasa knew more about my personal history than any presently living being.

"I'm not surprised that you never heard of it. My mother used to tell me that different nationalities used to have different holidays, and she was a descendent of the Jewish race that lived in a place called Israel before the Titans arrived. After that, a lot of races, languages and traditions were lost, but my mother used to tell me stories about my ancestors and how their legacy—so to speak—was past down, along with their customs. Her side of the family just felt compelled to kept it alive, I suppose. And so, Hanukkah was one of those traditions."

It was a lot to take in, so he simply nodded. Mikasa, however, removed herself from decorating the tree, looked at me with interest held in her eyes and kept the topic going with a sad half-smile. "My mother was Japanese and passed down traditions that a lot of people never heard of, too. I plan to pass it down to my children someday, even though I'm only half-blooded."

We were on different pages but in the same book as far as our bloodline went. "My mother was the last pure blood of her race as far as I know—making me only half as well. But, I guess a century of passing down stories was a waste; it's just going to be lost in this generation since I'm never having children." I chortled in my throat bitterly but washed it away with a steamy gulp.

Eren shook his head. "It won't be forgotten. You just told us about it—doesn't that mean you're still keeping your bloodlines memory alive?"

"You're so lame."

"I'm serious." The sharp look shot at me was enough to blow the cocky look off my face. "I want to know more. What did you do on Hanukkah?"

"Well," my memories were fuzzy, it's been so long. My mental flashbacks coming in guided my speech. "My mother would light something called a menorah. Every night, we were only to light one of the candles attached to it for eight days and exchange one gift. My father came from a French bloodline, so we did also celebrate Christmas."

"Man, you must've gotten _a lot_ of presents."

"Eh, not really. I was mostly given clothes. I'd only get a toy or two out of it all. But anyway, my father told me stories of Père Noël—" I was cut off there.

"Huh? I never heard that name before—are you sure you were celebrating Christmas?"

I nodded. "He's just the French version of Santa—the only difference being he's thin, not fat and he leaves gifts in your shoes, not stockings."

"In your shoes? That's kind of weird."

"Not much difference in hanging up oversize socks over the mantel. Even now you're putting balls on a pine tree—holidays are just fucking weird kid, don't question it."

He chucked, a dangling ornament hanging from his fingers by the hook. "I want to hear more about this Père guy."

"Not much to tell, he's the same deal as Santa, just little alterations. If memory serves me right, I believe he has a twin named Père Fouettard who whips all the naughty children."

"Whips?! Geez... Santa only would give out coal if you were bad." The jingling ring of a bell sounded in the room as he struggled to get it attached to the branch. "Oh, and for the record I don't actually believe in Santa anymore, I just like the stories this time of year."

"Same here." Mikasa agreed. I was a little surprised by that. She looked the type like she still believed in stuff like that. They both did, actually. They were young enough to get away with believing in him. It was kind of sad.

"But it's good to still keep certain traditions alive, even if you just simply talk about it."

I frowned in amusement at Mikasa's words, deliberating whether it really mattered or not in the end. It made interesting conversation at least, but the topic of Santa and Christmas in general could get tedious after a while. Luckily it only came once a year.

"So are you going to help us or just sit there all day?" Eren smiled warmly at me and with a huff I removed myself from the comfort of the couch. I really didn't want to, but I had a feeling I didn't have a choice. I bent to pick up an ugly reindeer and plopped it carelessly on the branch.

"There. Can I sit back down now?"

"No." Eren placed a goofy looking snowman, that looked to be hand carved, into my hand.

We all fell mute as we focused on cluttering up the tree, the silence only breaking when a glass ball slipped from Eren's gawky hand. He gave a panicked gasp as the ball juggled between his hands. He was unable to land a firm grasp in the air as it bounced a final time off his palm. Upon impact with the ground, it shattered into hundreds of sharp shards.

"Ugh..." I inspected the damage.

Eren picked one of his bare feet up awkwardly off the floor, being sure not to step in the glass. "Oops! I'll go clean it up!"

" _No_ , I got it. It will be more troublesome if you cut yourself and get blood everywhere."

I returned back from the kitchen with a dust pan and cleaning brush, being sure not to nick myself on the glass in the process of getting into a kneeling position.

"Wouldn't it be easier to use the broom?"

I puffed at the obvious claim. "Yes, but it's not cooperating with me today. This will have to do."

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" Mikasa added.

"Yes, I'm quite sure. But please back up, I would want you to cut yourse—"

I had just just cut myself.

Holding up my wrist, I grunted at the sting forming on the heel of my palm.

Seriously— _Seriously?_ I hate today.

I murmured curses under my breath. If the kids just let me concentrate this wouldn't have happened.

"I'll go get a bandage!" Eren feet pattered away and I pushed my uninjured hand against my knee for support to stand, examining the leaking blood traveling down my arm. I yanked up my sleeve—blood stains were a bitch to get out.

Eren returned and pulled me by the shirt, gesturing me to sit on the couch beside him. The first thing he did was wipe the blood away with a damp rag. With a pair of tweezers, he plucked out the fragment of glass stuck in my skin. I hissed and with the blockage cleared, my hand bled even more.

"Sorry—does it hurt?"

No, of course not. Having glass stabbed deep into my hand doesn't hurt at all. It felt fantastic. Too bad my pain tolerance only kicked in when my blood was seething—unfortunate that's just how my body operated so the throbbing sting coursing through my whole arm right now did in fact hurt.

"Hold some pressure here." He took my other hand and guided it on the rag as he sorted through the supplies in his lap. Once he poured alcohol on the cut, he took a long bandage and wrapped it tightly around my hand dexterously with careful precision.

"Since when are you so handy?" He didn't even hesitant and quickly gathered supplies to tend to the wound. He didn't seem the type to even know the first step to take.

"Well, my dad's a doctor so I seen him do stuff like this a few times." The bandage was still being wreathed around my hand. I almost told l him that was enough but the blood seeping through told me otherwise.

"We really need to find your dad." I said suddenly. "I'm sure he misses you kids a lot." They were brats, yes, but they were good kids—very good kids. Any decent father would be devastated not knowing where their children where. It was a shame they were split up in the first place, but I suppose the situation made it unavoidable.

"He's not an easy man to find." I just now noticed Mikasa was seated beside me on the armrest of the couch, watching Eren nursing me. "We've been looking for a very long time now."

"Don't give up. You'll find him." The encouragement came out empty and I'm sure the kids detected how hopeless my words sounded, but I knew they were words that needed to be said or else they might end up giving up for good.

"Yeah." He snipped the bandage and tucked the edge of it securely so it wouldn't unravel. I held up my arm, admiring his handy work. For such a clumsy kid he did a good job.

My hand was suddenly tugged from my line sight and clinched by Eren's hand and then his other as it was dragged down to rest on his thigh, holding on tight to my fingers with his own. I blinked at him, noticing the way his lids fluttered and struggled to stay open suddenly.

A child's energy was a strange thing: they can go so long without a break, or even sleep or fuel, but when they finally settle their bodies, their sleepiness catches up with them all at once. I didn't pull my hand away from his and I didn't nudge his head off my shoulder when it supported against me; the heat of his steadying breath warming up a spot on my arm.

"Looks like he fell asleep."

"Yeah." I replied absently to Mikasa and just kept studying his relaxed features close to mine, secretly fighting back thoughts of how adorable he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter started to get way too long because I got off track, so I'm going to split it into two parts.
> 
> Oh, and -awkward cough- the next chapter might seem a little pedo-y BUT IT'S NOT. JUST RELATIONSHIP BUILDING FOR THE FUTURE. Okay, Levi might be a little pedo because their relationship will begin when Eren is a teenager but shhh their love is legendary. Unfortunately that isn't for a while since I still have more story to cover before I get to that, plus the Erwin ship is relevant here since they have history soooo yesh. Commander Handsome will be in the next chapter as well, but he won't be around after that for a while. -WHINES LOUDLY- But don't be sad, I'm including a new character we all love soon~


	11. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An amusing conversation takes an unbelievable turn and Levi is left baffled at Eren's words. The kids try to make Christmas and Levi's birthday a good day, but it ends with Levi annoyed and red in the face. The celebrating doesn't end there, because he's greeted by one more uninvited guest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey...guys...remember when I said the last chapter was long? THIS ONE IS NEARLY TWICE AS LONG (it was even longer but I cut a lot out!) WHAT—HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? I swear, I really just planned on having a brief Christmas chapter but it turned into a cluttered nightmare. I was going to split this chapter too, but three chapters to cover this arc is just ridiculous so here you go, long-ass chapter!

The crackling of the fire was replaced with the logs smoldering in the pit. A chill was sent over the living room; making me frigidly stiff, but the rest of my body wasn't nearly as stiff as my shoulder—Eren really did have a big, heavy head.

Mikasa and I passed the time for an hour or so making small talk as Eren slept not-so-soundly against (he groaned and sighed heavy in his sleep) but this didn't disrupt our conversation. Little fragments about her parents and some of the traditions they shared were revealed to me. As curious as I was, I didn't ask about what happened to them. Reliving the good times made her happy, I didn't want to be the reason for reminding her of the bad. Since we almost had an unspoken gift of telepathy between us, I'm sure she suspected that was the single question I wished to ask, but she didn't give in and ended the night on a pleasant note.

With a light yawn, she showed herself to her room with a gentle "goodnight". I sat a while longer, tsking at the heap nestled compactly against me.

Being in the contiguous position I was, my strained eyes cornered down at an angle, getting a close inspection of the messy brunette hair brushing up against my neck. Eren's breathing was steady, almost calm, yet his eyes moved rapidly under his lids, sealed shut by his dark lashes. A morsel of disappointment overcame me. It was almost a crime to see his teal-green irises hidden from view because he honestly had the most beautiful fucking eyes I've ever seen in my life.

Deciding against waking him, my shoulder was replaced with my palm, holding his head securely until I got a firm hold around him. As his arms dangled off my shoulders, I held him up by his thighs until we reached his bed.

Being mindful not to startle him out of a dream, I laid him down easy on the mattress and retreated up, his arms loosely dragging away from my shoulders the further I pulled us apart from each other.

The same body that was so loose a second ago tightened. Even though his eyes remained shut, his face held so much expression, grimacing and squishing his features. Tossing his head side to side on the pillow, his arms surrounded my neck once more, nearly strangling me with the force as he heaved me headfirst. My footing was lost immediately. Standing in an awkward slant as I was, it only took a tug to throw me off balance and send me tumbling over Eren.

My fist dented into the mattress, my teeth showing. Fucking brat, what is he pulling—well,  _me_  obviously, but why? Is he even sleeping?

Watery eyes were revealed when his lids pulled apart, fluttering once or twice to clear his vision that likely appeared to me tricking him, because from another perspective my current position looked awful. Like thirty-years-to-life awful.

"W-What are you—you really are a perv!" The room was dim, but I didn't need a spotlight in order to see that his face was blazing red; I can feel the heat radiating from his cheeks.

"For Christ sake Eren. I was putting you to bed and you fucking yanked me in with you." For a kid, he was strong and I half-wondered how strong he'd be with full alertness.

"Oh. Sorry." Finally, he collected his arms from me, using one of them to wipe his sleep on. "I was—I was having a bad dream." he said as if he just recalled.

Being shaken up from a nightmare would explain why he clung to me, but there was no explanation as to why he resumed doing _just that_  a second later. One of his hands went from my shoulder to my face, tracing the indentations of the structure blindly as if trying to figure out what expression was concealed beneath the shadows. His fingertips were warm and just a little clammy and I was almost tempted to respond to his touch by rubbing my cheek into his soft palm.

"Sleep with me."

All motion stopped, even my breathing. I moved his hand away by the wrist. Something that sounded like a half-laugh and a half-groan of disgust mixed together and poured from my mouth. "Listen, kid, I might be a criminal but I don't touch little boys. It's not my style."

"What are you talking about?" The pitch he used was a little higher than usual, and he made unnecessary emphasis where it wasn't needed. Either he was slurring from fatigue or it was an attempt to show his mood through his words, not his face that was difficult to detect. "I just want you to lay next to me, even if it's only until I fall asleep."

"Oh." He meant _that_  kind of sleep. You know you get around a lot when you assume the former.

Believe it or not, I actually complied and scooted under the warmth of the blanket. Whatever the dream was about, it must have spooked him enough to scoop low and vaguely ask me to guard him. When I was his age, I didn't have anyone to protect me, so I could at least do this much no matter how awkward it was to sleep with a kid you had no relations to.

Eren rolled away, facing the wall. The back of my hand was relaxed on my forehead as I blinked several times at the ceiling.

"Levi—what did you mean when you said you won't touch me? You've touch me plenty of times, what does that have to do with you being a criminal?"

I opened an eye in his direction, dropping my jaw before the correct phrasing came out. "I was referring to a different kind of touch. If you don't know what I'm talking about than you're too young and we'll have to end the conversation here."

Rolling back to me, Eren rested on his side, holding the blanket over his mouth. I peeked his interest. Fuck.

"I'm going to be thirteen in March, that's not young."

"To me it is."

He wiggled against the mattress, a tantrum building up. "That's because you're  _old_. Everyone is young to  _you_."

I take it back—he's not cute. Not cute at all. I closed my eyes, silently ending the conversation. Just as my lungs caught on to a steady rhythm, Eren voice rang right next to my ear.

"Please tell me?"

Kids never know when to just  _drop it_ , do they? "I'm not going to be held responsible for tainting your little mind even more than it has been already. Now if you don't shut up, I'll have to leave and go to my own room."

"...Does this have to do with puberty?" Eren waited a long while for my reply.

"...Sort of." Why was I even answering him? I suppose I didn't find the conversation boring—and I wasn't exactly tired since I was just suddenly told to lay down. "How much do you know?"

"About what?"

"Puberty, Eren."

"Um..." He flopped to his back, looking to the ceiling for answers. "I noticed my voice changing...and I get weird urges I didn't have before."

"There you go; that's what I'm referring to—urges, ones you didn't have before."

"Like what?"

"For fucks sake Eren. Don't make me be so specific." I pinched between my creasing brows. "You know—like  _urges_  to touch others or even yourself. In a way that feels ... _good._ " First of all, what the fuck. Second of all, who the fuck am I? This isn't me. I feel like a father giving the  _birds and the bees_  talk. I'm not trained enough in this area—okay that's a lie, I was  _very_ trained in sexual activity, a scholar, really, but that's only because I experimented until I figured out what-goes-where. I never had  _the talk,_  though.

"Oh. That's normal?" he said.

"...What."

A hushed squeal became muffled by the blanket held over his head, but I soon heard an embarrassed giggle coming from beneath. "I do that already. You know, like, touching myself..."

I propped up, my elbow on the pillow. I suddenly found the topic amusing. I never before witnessed puberty blossoming right before my eyes. It's like the trivial side to nature unfold before you.

"When did this start?" I had to know the dirty details—I like sex and I like talking about it, even if the source was coming from a dumb virgin.

"...A few days ago."

". . . . . ." A few  _days_  ago? I hadn't expected that, I thought he'd say a few  _months_  ago at least—of course I was a poor-excuse for a human and couldn't block out the images of him doing  _that_  in my house, in this bed, likely even my bed too. Ugh. Perverted brat was making me perverted. It's contagious.

Call it a coincidence, but the most significant event within the past few days that was relevant to the topic was Eren coming to my work.

...My performance influenced the birth of his arousal, didn't it?

I wanted to be sure, but knowing Eren he wouldn't be straight about it—as straight as a little curious boy who witnessed a males erotic performance could be.

"Is there a reason why you started, or was it just random?"

There was a very long uncomfortable pause. "Yeah, it was kind of random."

I bet his ears are on fire.

I could tell he was embarrassed, even though I felt like I was talking to a fucking bundle of blankets since he remained hidden, but I cut him slack and nodded into my palm. "Well, all I'll say is it's totally normal."

"It doesn't seem normal, it's kind of weird, doing stuff like that."

"Yeah, but everyone does it at one point, even me." That was what you would call my failed attempt at comforting.

He finally peeked from the edge of the blanket. "Really? You too?"

"When the mood strikes me." I spit out quickly to get the reply over with, then rolled to my back and spoke to the ceiling. "But listen, Eren, it's normal to do _that stuff,_  but it's also private so don't go around talking about it openly to others unless you like them in a special way—like if you want to touch them. Got it?"

Okay, so maybe I'm a hypocrite—a person didn't have to be  _special_  to me in order to bone, but they did have to be hot. With a nice body, that was a must. And be the owner of a nice piece. I received a mental image of Erwin: he most definitely fit that bill.

"That means we're special to each other, since we're talking about it now."

No, no not at all. Got it all wrong again, dumbass. I hated when he twisted my words. "We're not special in  _that_ kind of way."

"Why not?"

"You're fucking twelve. I ain't touching you with a fifty-foot pole. I'd consider it if you were older."

"So you  _would_  touch me, is what you're saying." A glint of a satisfied smirk was floating in his words.

". . . . . ." This kid should be a lawyer with the way he picks apart sentences to find what he wants to hear. I brushed his bangs and put my palm on his forehead.

"O-Oh—I—This is not the kind of touch I was talking about, but you're the adult here, I guess you'd know more than me."

"Idiot. I'm checking if you have a fever because you're acting strange."

"How is that strange? You just said it was normal!"

"Let me add something to clear up your confusion: it's normal for  _adults_. It's fine if you want to experiment on yourself, but don't expect others to join you in such activates until you're at least a teenager."

Irritatedly, Eren rolled his head away from my hand, cursing something under his breath. "What difference does it make how old I am? You do stuff like that and so do I...so why not just do it together? No one would know."

God is testing me.

Not even metaphorically speaking—this is an actual test from God right before me; deciding right now whether or not I'd go to Hell or Heaven, that kind of test, but it was cloaked in the image of a little boy. This is what they call one of life challenges that placed you between a fork in the road: you can either take the moral, safe route, or the corrupt, tempting road.

Until now I never put in the situation to think about it, but it wasn't that I didn't _like_  Eren, I just didn't like his  _age_. As long as a guy (or girl on some occasions) is decent looking, that's enough for me. I had my own list of kinks, but this damn age barrier proved to be out of my zone completely; not even worth the time to consider the pros and cons.

The kid was annoying, rude and not even close to my ideal type (but definitely had the potential to be, depending on what the rest of puberty had in store for him) but he was also a good kid underneath it all and at times I found him unbearably cute but... _no_. I'll have to pass this opportunity up. If only he was a few years older, I would have took the invitation and went wild with it—demonstrating all his naïve questions with toe-curling actions.

There was something that occurred to me shortly after coming to my final decision—it passed me up the first time around given how typical it is for guys to offer me sexual favors, so I didn't think twice at first, but it hit me that Eren was asking  _me_ —another  _boy._

"Do you think you're attracted to boys or something?"

He shrugged into his pillow, angling his head slightly my way. "I don't know, I never really thought  _deeply_  about it before—is it weird if I do, though?"

"Nope, not at all. It's natural. Even I like boys more than girls." Of course I left out the part where I never actually  _liked_  anyone before and just had meaningless sex with people, but who needs details? I didn't give him time to reply to my confession, knowing he would have a comment on it. "What about Mikasa, though? Technically you aren't brother and sister, I thought you two might hit it off in a few years."

"Nah. I mean, I like Mikasa a lot and I think she's really pretty, but I just don't see her that way—like someone I'd marry or something."

"I see. Have you ever had a crush on a boy before?" When I was his age, I thought it was strange to have an interest in boys since all I seen was couples made up of the opposite gender—I really thought something was wrong with me; that a negative aspect of my life affected me until I discovered there were more people like me (very late in life, I might add).

I ended up spending a good portion of my life confused about sexuality—this was probably because I was alone and had no one to question about it, so it was refreshing to tell Eren the facts, even if he's just bi-curious for now. At least he'd know down the line that it is perfectly fine to screw whoever he wants without feeling guilty about it, like I did for a while.

"I kind of liked my friend Armin, but since we're close friends I decided it wasn't a good idea. I got over those feelings though, but lately it's like I know what a  _real_  crush actually feels like."

I closed my eyes slowly, my lips tensing. I meant to say the following in my head, but the words built up and overflowed from my lips. "Please don't say you're referring to  _me_."

He hid under the blanket again, his voice roaring in a jitter. "S-So what if I am? What's so bad about it? I thought you said it's natural."

"For starters, I'm twelve years older than you. Even when you finally are an adult, I'll be in my thirties. There's no telling if we'd even be in touch that many years from now."

He curled his legs around the blanket, his hands squeezing at the fabric. He scooted in a little closer until his head was rested on my shoulder. "I don't care. I got used to the idea of you being an old man. But I still like you. I don't mind if I have to wait."

I breathed deeply as I nudged Eren's head off me belligerently. "Listen—Eren. If you want my advice, just push those feelings away before they get out of hand. Find someone your own age, like that Armin friend of yours. You'll be happy in the long run. If you're serious about  _liking_  me, I'll telling you right now you're bound to get hurt. There's zero chance of it working out."

I pulled out the facts with little remorse. It may have sounded cruel directed to a young boy, but it was better than telling him he had a chance of leading a happy and domestic life with me if he held onto such feelings for years to come. I suspected these feelings were just a phase, though. Children went through a lot of phases, right? This is temporary. It's late, he's probably tired and confused—he can't be serious about this. If he is being serious, at least I told him how it is.

I wasn't sure where this side of Eren was coming from, but I was sure of one thing: I wasn't going to tear this kids heart apart while it's still mending. At that age, it's really not possible to have serious feelings for someone. There wasn't much to worry about—he was likely just very grateful to me and was confusing those feelings with a crush.

The blanket fell off him as he sat up slowly. The slow motion had me unprepared for his sudden lunge into my gut, he pinned me down from above, those eyes of his practically burning the dark away with a teal-green glow.

"You don't _get it_ , that's  _not_  how feelings work." He wasn't brave enough to keep that heated contact long, so he disconnected our gaze by looking to the side. "The only way you can hurt me is by telling me it won't work out before giving it a chance. I know I have nothing to offer you right now; I know I'm just a stupid kid mooching off you, but in a few years I'll be stronger and smarter. If you don't find anyone you love by then, I want you to think about giving me a chance. After that, if you don't feel the same, I'll give up and take your advice. But you can't be the one giving up before trying—aren't you the one who told me that?"

This is the first time I actually felt trapped—not physically (I could easily fling him off me if I wanted to) but I felt emotionally cornered. I never had someone confess their feelings to me, not with passion. A few one night stands would utter their love for me in the heat of climax or a few morons at the club would claim to be interested in dating me, but it was all easily detected as lies just to get in my pants. But Eren's words were spoken with genuine honesty, every syllable as passionate as his eyes.

I hated to make promises I couldn't keep, but I nodded against the pillow. Thinking he couldn't see the gesture, I exhaled out, "Whatever. But don't hold your breath." It wasn't a promise for the future. It was more of my way of getting him to shut up about this ridiculous conversation.

I was still thrown off by the whole situation—one second he's knocking on my door asking for medicine, the next he's living with me and influencing me to unlock all my cluttered baggage before him and now he's pinning me down while claiming I'm his first crush.

Eren retracted away slightly, giving my face some breathing room. He didn't look pleased but he didn't look upset either. He was still hunched over, his hands still on either side of my face as he remained seated on my torso. I wondered how long he was going to stay there.

The heat of his passion died down a little, but he still remained in the situation, forcing him to own up to the responsibility. "I know that all seemed  _really weird_ —but I've just been _feeling_  weird lately, okay? I can't help it. Sorry, but I still mean what I said, I  _really_  like you."

"Why?" I said sharply, barely allowing a beat to pass. I was beyond skeptic. Maybe him explaining these 'feelings' of his could paint a better picture.

"I guess—everything? You're rude I'll admit, even scary sometimes, but you're a very kind person underneath it all. I like that you're not caring for praise—you purposely avoid praise, actually. That means you're not phoney or doing it for others approval, but just caring about others with nothing in return is enough to satisfy you." He withdrew his hands from the sides of my head, they rod across my chest until they slid close enough to support his rickety posture. "You're also v-very good looking..."

God damnit he's fucking adorable.

I couldn't say I agreed with his claim about me, but his words hit me harder than the time I got knocked in the head with a baseball bat—yeah, his words really hit  _that hard_. I tilted my head to the side, masking my face with the back of my hand. I could feel Eren's fingers tightening on my shirt.

"Your heart is beating really fast."

" _Shut. Up_."

It really was though, the beating throbbed through my entire body. I can almost hear my blood circulating.

My voice cut off before I was able to speak, and Eren bent down, his hands cupping my shoulders as he stared intently at my mouth, anticipating the words about to come out.

"...Get off me."

"Awh. I thought you were going to say something romantic. Mood-ruiner." Complying, he crawled back to his side of the bed, taking more than his share of the blanket with him. I was entirely too hot for a blanket anyways. What is this kid doing to me? No—it can't be his doing. All that binge drinking was coming back to me, that had to be it—that _better be it_ or else I'm in trouble.

"Before we sleep, can I ask one more thing?"

"This is the last thing, Eren." I was actually getting tired—tired of this conversation, that is. This previously interesting chat about an innocent child being kissed by puberty took an unsettling turn.

"What age do I have to be—you know, for us to be together?"

I almost laughed, but then realized he's being serious. I didn't have the heart to tell him there wasn't any guarantee we'd ever be together after he poured his emotions all over me, but the truth is, I went this far in life without ever having a serious lover and didn't see it happening, but I humored him despite my low intentions.

"You'll just whine if I say eighteen, so how about..." I thought a while, sorting through ages I found disturbing and settled on "fifteen."

That was still  _dangerously_  young and I wasn't sure if I was even comfortable with that, but then I recalled that's the age I started screwing around by my own will, I'd be a hypocrite to decline him at fifteen when I already had my share of sexual experience by that age (with people even older than myself, I should add). It all depended on how well Eren matured in those years and what his personality would transform into. Eh, well, even if he changed I'd still fuck him, but that was about it. That was all that would likely happen between us,  _if_  that.

"So, not next Christmas, but the next?"

"No, you said your birthday is in March, so you'll have to wait an additional three months."

"Oh c'mon! That's  _so_  not fair!"

"I said fifteen, not fourteen. Either you agree with those conditions or you get nothing."

He squished his lips side to side and I could tell he was thinking out loud with his following words. "Hmm. I guess that would be a good birthday present—if you touch me, then it would become the  _best_  present."

"Geez, Eren. You're just a hormonal wreck, aren't you?"

"I don't really know what that means but probably."

I remember getting desperate hormones at that age too. Good times.

Joking aside, I wouldn't take advantage of him as he is now, no matter how much consent he gave me, or how much he begs or hints. I didn't have many rules for myself, I acted on impulsive desire with little regret: If I wanted to get high, I'd score some drugs. If I wanted something, I'd steal it. If I was horny, I'd fucking whatever was in front of me if they were decent looking.

But Eren—he was young and puberty was doing the talking for him right now, but he might regret the decision later in life if I went through with it. He had enough of bad memories, I didn't want to add to that.

So no, I didn't turn into a child predator and lay a single finger on him that night. I did, however, dream about it. As much as I was appalled, I was greeted with a morning wake up call of my bodies unmoral reaction to the dream. God shouldn't dangle tempting bait in front of me. Nightmares and haunting memories were preferable over wet dreams about a twelve year old. For the first time I felt my sins went too far.

Definitely secured a spot in hell after that one.

**~x~**

The next few days passed uneventfully. The only time I left the house was to pick up some groceries and cigarettes while the children were still occupied with their part-time job. While at the shops and noticing everyone buying gifts for their loved ones, I  _half_ -considered getting gifts for Eren and Mikasa (scary, I know) but changed my mind last minute. For one, I had no clue what to get them. They were too old for toys and I already purchased them clothes. Candy was always in the house (one of my friends had a sweet tooth so it remains a habit to keep sweets in stock) so it wouldn't make much of a gift. I don't know why I even thought of getting them anything. I never got a gift for anyone, not even my friends. Maybe that Christmas tree planted in my living room staring me down with a festive glare was making me bask in holiday cheer, or maybe it was indigestion and I needed to puke. It was hard to tell.

I had temperately dropped my nocturnal lifestyle and been awake during the daytime, which proved to be boring as hell while I wait for the kids to come back. I had nothing to do other than clean and sneak a few shots of whiskey to keep my sanity. When the kids got home it was another job on its own to keep them busy. It was more entertaining than rewashing the floor five times over during the day, though. How do those housewives manage?

The only notable difference these past few days was my sleeping arrangements. I've been crashing in Eren's room or he's been sleeping in mine. If there was a reason behind this, then I didn't know, but I did know that it didn't make an ounce of sense. The reason I gave Eren his own bedroom was to make space between us. It wasn't much of a bothersome request of him, though, since it didn't really make a difference where I slept and it made the brat smile when I agreed.

It should also be noted that Eren didn't let go of the subject of this crush he declared the other night. He hasn't change much, but there was a new tradition between us: every might before we'd go to sleep, he promises me that he'll make me happy when he's older; along with something about exploring the world together. His ramblings of future plans would go on until his voice faded from my consciousness. All I could think during his speeches was that he already had more charisma than an adult.

The first thing I did upon wakening was nudge Eren's big head off my shoulder, only to discover my sleeve was drenched in drool. What a wonderful way to start off the morning of Christmas, but being half asleep as I was, I didn't even realize what  _year_ it was, never mind the day.

I wandered in the kitchen, removing the cap of my coffee jar once I reached the counter only to discover there wasn't enough of coffee to make even a single cup. Damnit. There's not even any stores open today to get more. How was I going to get through this day without any coffee?

My hips were suddenly restricted by a tight grasp. Unable to move, I twisted my spine to look at the beaming brat clinging to me. This had been a new habit lately, too; Eren would randomly hug me out of no where even after all the times I told him not to touch me—he was more affectionate since he professed his feelings for me.

"Levi~ Guess what today is?"

"The day you move out?"

"You're really cold." He pouted, finally releasing me and I turned to him, my back against the counter.

"Merry Christmas! And—"

Don't say it. Don't say it.  _Don't fucking say it._

"Happy birthday."

Ugh. He just  _had_  to say it, didn't he?

"Now you're even  _older—_ I hope I got enough..." he mumbled, and I didn't catch the end of his sentence.

"What did you say?"

"I said do you want me to heat up water for your coffee."

"Are you going to heat it with your  _ears_ , liar?" A dumbfounded expression was on his face as he massaged his lobe, checking for himself how scalding it was.

Who cares—I don't want to know what he said anyways. "I ran out of coffee. Suppose I'll have to do without today." I twisted the cap back on hostility.

Eren was in deep thought over the time span of a few seconds, he then slowed his blinking with a sigh, his joints slumped. "Man... I was hoping to give this  _later_  but I guess it can't be helped now."

"...What? Is talking in riddles a Christmas tradition of yours?"

"Just wait here."

I was left behind, scratching my head until he returned.

"Here." He set a large, clear jar filled to the rim with brown grain on the counter. Pulling his weight up, he sat beside it as he dangled his feet, explaining casually, "I know how much you like coffee, so I got a bulk of it from the cafe for you. Consider it a birthday or Christmas present."

Not bad. This was the same blend I always ordered. Did he really pay that close attention or was it just a coincidence? Just one cup alone was quite pricy, I was left wondering how much all this would cost.

"You didn't have to do that."

"But I wanted to."

Before I replied I put the kettle on and set out a cup. "...I appreciate it." The gratitude fell flat on my tongue. It wasn't that I wasn't grateful of the thought, it was just weird to receive gifts. To make up for my thankless reply, I gave him an offer. "What do you want for breakfast? I'll make whatever you want."

"Let me cook, it's your birthday."

"That doesn't make me an infant."

"Would you just let me do something nice for you?"

Feeding me those gross meals was his idea of being nice? Before I can interject and push the argument further, Eren had wrapped a light blue apron around him that seemed to come out of thin air; I never noticed it around before, or even in the kitchen prior to coming in here.

"Where'd that apron come from?"

"Oh, the woman at work gave it to me..."

It was a little too big for him, effectively making it more appealing—something about him in oversize attire was pleasing. There I go, thinking like a child predator. What has this kid done to me?

"Trying to look the part of my wife, are we?" I wanted to stir a reaction out of him and I was allowed to because apparently the day of your birth grants you immunity.

"W-Wife? Don't be ridiculous—I'm a  _boy._  I'd be your  _husband_."

Yeah, because that totally doesn't sound just as ridiculous when referring to us.

The kettle whistled just as Mikasa made her entrance in the room, her presence replaced those silly thoughts of husbands and wives floating in my head. In unison, Eren and Mikasa recited a morning greeting followed by "Merry Christmas". Taking the role of brother and sister must give that type of skill.

"Oh, and Happy birthday, Levi."

"Eren, you have a big mouth."

Standing there in that oversize apron looking dumber than usual made me almost feel sorry for him; it must not be fun to be on the receiving end of my quips.

"What—are you mad?"

I didn't actually care that Mikasa knew my birth date and proved this by boredly blowing into the coffee Eren just placed in front of me.

"Mikasa's birthday is February 10th. There, now it's fair."

"I really don't care if she knows."

"Then why are you _acting_  like you care?"

He was becoming a nagging wife already. I shook my head at him and landed on Mikasa seated across from me and tried to change the subject. "Your birthday is coming up soon."

"Yeah."

Nice and simple. This is why Mikasa was my favorite child. Eren would have a fit if he knew that.

Busy at the stove, Eren carefully cooked breakfast and I sipped my coffee, silently attempting to burn off my taste buds in preparation of his meal until Mikasa directed a question at me. "What are we doing today?"

"Nothing. Everything's closed."

"No." Eren spun back with a pop of his hip, looking at me with a rolling eyes as he darted the spatula at me. "She means what are we doing today."

I had to rewind the words, reluctantly hearing the same derisory phrase a third time.

Is he fucking serious? I narrowed my eyes on him to check that for myself. Whether him or Mikasa recited the question didn't alter the  _meaning_. "...Like I said,  _nothing._ "

Eren waved me off and angled his sight to Mikasa, leaving me lost, like I was missing something obvious; Eren made me feel that way more times than I should.

"...Eren, myself and his parents would attend church on Christmas." Mikasa filled me in.

"The church for the creepy wall people or the creepy Jesus nuts?"

Eren rolled his eyes at me for what felt like the fifth time this morning. "As if I would attend mass with a bunch of cultist who obsess over the walls like they're Gods. My family and I weren't crazy-religious, but enough to show our respects on the holy day."

Despite the fact my parents were extremely religious, they never attended church. It took me until I was older to realize that the reason was pinned to the fact that they were criminals and couldn't go to public ceremonies. While at the orphanage, I attended some masses; the church was founders of orphanage and handled the funds to keep it running, but as I got older and my fate faded, I lost the incentive to ever step foot in a church again. The mere idea of being trapped in a church left me queasy.

My short time at the orphanage wasn't pleasant, let's just leave it at that.

"You're free to go if you want to keep up the tradition. But you're on your own."

"You won't come?" he asked me while I had a mouthful of coffee, but even after it was down I still didn't feel entitled to answer. I think I already made myself clear.

His eyes left me in favor of Mikasa. "What about you? You wanna go?"

"I'll go if you do."

"Alright, we'll go after we eat. We should be able to make it in time for afternoon mass—Levi, I feel bad leaving you alone on your birthday, are you sure you don't want to come with us?"

"I'm quite sure." He was asking, not begging, which seemed out of character for him—but I savored having a choice in the matter of one of Eren's schemes for once. If anything, it was a gift on its own to have some peace and quiet for an hour or two on my birthday.

After Eren whipped up a meal (that was decent enough to be called edible) we ate in near silence and they headed out, leaving me seated alone in the dinning room chair with nothing but the ticking clock and leaky sink keeping me company.

**~Eren's POV~**

The residents of Wall Sina didn't mix well with our kind—that much I gathered in my time here.  _Our kind_ being the poor class who obviously stood out, so Mikasa and myself tried to remain undetected, like one of the marble statues out-skirting the church by taking a seat in the back row. Natural light seeped in through the stain glass windows, which displayed images of spiritual nobles and beautiful angels. There was so much detail decorating the interior—this was much nicer than the small temple in my hometown.

Once I thoroughly surveyed the elaborate architecture of the church, my gaze fell back to its natural level, half-expecting to be greeted by my mothers smiling face beside me with my father beside her, dressed in their best Sunday clothes.

Emptiness traveled through me, yet the dread was filled when I looked to my right. Mikasa was there, staring onwards and focused at the priests echoing blessings bouncing around the cathedral. I guess all wasn't lost—she will always be by my side, won't she?

Already becoming bored with the preaching, I skimmed over all the families attending the mass to pass the time. The crowd was made up of mothers, fathers and their children, along with aunts, uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers.

Before living with Levi, I never noticed this obvious pattern before, or rather, there wasn't any other pattern even worth considering. It was normal for every family to consist of a man and a woman and their offspring, who would evidently marry and make more children.

This was something everyone see's around them, but it never sinks in deep enough to deliberate because the reoccurring theme of men and women together was considered a normal structure of life. Just like everyone doesn't question the walls around us—they're there and that's it. It was a part of every day life to accept the walls as a part of our existence.

I silently went on a mission—a mission to try and find a single couple in this church that consisted of a man and a man or a woman and a woman.

The mission was a failure.

Was Levi just teasing me? Maybe it really  _was_ strange to have romantic feelings for a boy. Up until now, it felt like a given to find a wife and make children—but what happens when you don't want that? What if you wanted to fall in love with a boy? Was that really okay?

I wasn't sure of the right answer. There was one thing I was sure of, though. I like Levi. A lot. Even if he's a boy, even if he acts cold, even if he's an old man, even if he's a thug—I still like him, with all the negative sides to him taken into consideration. I don't care if society wants me to marry a girl, it doesn't feel right. Not since I meet Levi, that is.

This sense of obligation takes over me when I look at him. Sometimes, when he doesn't know anyone is around, his face just looks so...broken. Broken beyond repair and there's this nerve inside me that twinges, like I just want to run up to him and mend everything that hurts and forever protect him from future pain.

Those eyes—that appear expressionless at first glace—are a major giveaway that he's been through troubling times that I can't even begin to comprehend at my age. There's no fooling me, no matter how much he tries to hide his past. I know he's troubled. With eyes like that, there's no covering up the truth.

Out of fear of hurting him more, I never ask him (no matter how much I want to) what's  _really_  on his mind when he's having a sudden starring session or pauses mid-sentence with a questionable expression. He probably thinks no one can pick these little quirks up since he actively tries to hide them—he especially wouldn't expect me to catch on, he thinks I'm a dumb kid, but I do notice. I noticed everything about him.

Eventually, I do hope he opens up fully to me and let's me see those internal scars, allowing me a chance to heal them. I'm not expecting anything soon, we're still new around each other, but I want to know everything about him. All his thoughts, fears, things that make him happy, his past.

I know it took a lot for him to talk to us about his parents, his bravery inspired me to talk about what happened to my mother, which was something I never planned to talk about to anyone other than Mikasa—even talking about it to her was still something I could only describe as a struggle.

As intimidating as Levi appears sometimes, I feel comfortable enough to open up to him and I took it to the next step by telling him about my feelings—which stunned me just as much as it stunned him.

I don't know where they came from exactly. Emotions are weird that way. One minute you're laughing, the next you're crying. One minute you're on the street with a dying sister, the next you're saved and taken care of by a man who had enough of problems, but didn't hesitate to add more to his plate for the sake of two needy children. And lastly, one minute you're an oblivious kid, the next you're having impure thoughts about a man twice your age.

Puberty was still a foreign word to me, but I knew enough to understand I was currently going through it. I think it may have awakened the day I followed Levi to work—the sight of him wearing next to nothing as he moved his body in ways I didn't even know were possible completely hypnotized me. As much as he's against the word stripper, that's exactly what he was if he liked it or not. I've heard that strippers were people that danced in adult ways for money, but never actually  _saw_  one before. Who knew Levi would be the one to demonstrate that for me.

The mental image of him swinging around and shaking body parts I didn't previously find appealing would pop into my head so many times a day that I actually considered it a normal daily routine now. Being in church right now couldn't even scare those thoughts away. It wasn't long after that I got these  _urges_ —it was the next day, actually.

I was so confused—not understanding what was wrong with my body, my mind or emotions. I couldn't get him out of my head, I just kept  _thinking_  about him, so much that I freaked out just by looking at him because I couldn't stop thinking of what was underneath his clothes, or to be more precise, what wasn't.

My heart would race when he set his sharp stare on me, melting me in ways that stirred me up and frightened me at the same time. All the blood would flood in my skull, making my head numb as the rest of my body underwent strange (yet exciting) sensations I never felt before—sensations that told me I needed to do something to satisfy them.

That's when I figured out what "urges" were and I started doing stuff I never done to myself before. It was weird, but it was quite the discovery because it felt  _amazing—_ I didn't even know my own body could feel like that good. Sadness and anger wasn't the only strong sensations a human could feel, I learned. But, that made me even more guilty, so much that I got mad at myself, then I got mad at Levi because he's the one that caused all this to happen.

More guilt came when I started thinking of Levi in impure ways while I did this to myself—like imagining him without clothing and picturing him doing the touching for me. I guess this is where the phrase "guilty-pleasure" came from. I understood it far too well now.

Even after the conversation a few nights ago, I still felt wrong about the things I did to myself, even though he claimed it as normal. By thinking such dirty thoughts about him, I felt like I was tainting him. To make it worse, I still continued to do stuff to myself even when Levi slept beside me, oblivious to the fact that I was doing that right beside him every night as he slept.

It was  _his fault_  though. When he slept he looked even more attractive with the way his features would relax. The way Levi's body would twitch slightly and how he'd sometimes mumble my name in his sleep would just send me off the edge. Sometimes I just wanted to touch him so badly; just attack every inch of his flesh with my hands...but I told myself I'd respect his decision. If he didn't want to be physical, then I was going to comply with his wishes.

This goes beyond attraction though. There was a lot of other things to work on in the years I waited for him. I felt something strong for him. A need to protect him, a need to get to know him and a need to give him the love he deserved.

I'm not a very patient person, but if I have to wait years, so be it. All I can do in the meantime is pray he will wait for me to grow up and not fall in love with anyone else until then. He might think it won't work out right now, but once I'm old enough I know I can change that way of thinking. I'll let him know it's okay to depend on me, to let his walls down and grant me access to everything that made the Levi I grew so fond of in this short amount of time. My fondness for Levi would surely grow as my body did and I was sure I'll be able to prove it to him then.

"Eren. Pay attention." Mikasa nudged me, just like my mother would when I'd lose concentration on our yearly trip to church. This happened every year, I'd always get distracted midway through mass, but a kid trying to pay attention to bible verses never ended well, but just being here counted for something, right?

"Sorry." I whispered back and looked forward, my hands interlaced on my lap when I noticed everyone was praying.

I was far too invested in my thoughts and continued to think of Levi until mass came to a close.

When we stepped out from the warmness of the church, we were rudely greeted by the brisk air piercing through our clothing. The cold breeze whisked, fog coming out through my chapped lips as I breathed into my hands.

Winter holds no remorse, does it?

We reached the bottom of the cathedral steps—and a figure dressed completely in black stood out from the snowy white scenery. Propped up against the lamppost with a cigarette in hand stood Levi, looking to be untouched by the cold as he ignored the passerby's and they paid him no mind in return.

How he was able to stand out yet blend in undetected added another mystery to the long list.

With Mikasa at my side, we approached him. My mouth gaped a little as my head tilted back; I was glad to see him, but surprised he was even here. He finally took in our new presence without a flutter from his lashes.

"Ready to head back?"

I was thrown off just by seeing him, so when he spoke as if he was tagging along with us all along with his casual comment, I was even more confused. He wasn't tagging along, though, because he didn't want to be here and I accepted that without question—why did he decide to come anyway, then? I'll never figure him out, but it was the hope of putting the little fragments of him together that made me want to chase him even more.

When I made progress, more doors would open, leaving me wanting more; I was never satisfied when it comes to him.

"Levi—what are you doing here? I thought you didn't want to come." I asked.

He stomped out his bud in the snow, paying closer attention to his boot indenting the ground rather than us."I didn't, but then I remembered this area is more dangerous than being in my shitty neighborhood."

Why would he suddenly say such a strange thing? Well, he's the adult, he would know more than me. "Oh. But I thought this was the richer area of Wall Sina?"

"People with money aren't automatically good, in fact they're the worst."

"How come?" Every time I spoke to Levi, my sentences would often end in a rising intonation. It probably annoyed him, but I couldn't help it. He either said things I don't understand or he spoke vaguely, begging for a question.

"They just are. Quiet."

One of my questions annoyed him yet again, adding that to a never ending list. But he couldn't be that bothered because something just popped in my head—he was  _worried_  about us. That's why he came all the way out here.

That's really cute.

"I'm kind of glad you showed up—I don't really know how to get back home. We only got here by following the sound of the bell. Wall Sina's still really new to us—you seem to know it well, though. This town is kind of like a maze, everything looks the same. It's impressive you know your way around so well."

Levi was walking at a faster pace in front of us, giving me a back view of his black tench coat swaying with his pace as fuzzy snow flakes glazed his sleeves. "Hard not to. I lived here half my life."

I ran up to his side, desperately trying to match his footing. "Does that mean you like it here?"

"No."

"Then why not go somewhere you do like?" Questions—that's really all the came out out of my mouth around him, wasn't it?

"Everywhere sucks. There's no place I like within the walls. Or outside, but that's a given."

"Oh." he was a hard person to talk to, but I still never gave up. "I think you would have liked the Shiganshina District. It wasn't perfect but it was a nice town. I hope someday it'll be restored so you can see it."

After all my efforts to keep the conversation going, he rewarded me with a blank look. Being joyous of his acknowledgment as I was, I must have made a weird face, causing his stare to move off me with a scowl. "Yeah why not—I'd like to visit there someday. I lived there briefly when I was a baby, but I was too young to remember it."

"You lived there? No way! We were neighbors and didn't even know it!"

"Idiot. You weren't even born yet."

"Oh, right..." Every time I find a way to tie us closer together I end up pulling us further apart with my own stupidity. At this rate he's just going to keep thinking of me as a dumb kid. I can't let that happen.

Being as focused on Levi as I was, I didn't notice until now that our surroundings have changed. The once pristine architecture of the central was replaced with older, crumbling designs and we were the only people on the street now. Now that church was out, everyone likely retreated back to their homes to spend the rest of Christmas to be showered in the warmth of their families love.

"It was a good thing you didn't come to mass. It was really boring. I couldn't even focus on a word the priest was saying."

"I figured. No one approached you two there, right?"

It was an odd turn in the conversation, but I answered without hesitation. "No, not really. At one point they asked us for donations for the orphanage. We couldn't give much but it helps, I guess."

"Hate to tell you this, but your good deed was wasted. The donations won't go to the children. The kids there are lucky if they manage to eat once a day—it's a crooked place."

Sometimes when Levi would suddenly spit out a lot of words it took me a moment to gather them all. It wasn't often that he would add a lot of his own input to a conversation, so it always took me off guard when he did. "Why do you think that?"

"I don't  _think_ it, it's true. That's the orphanage I attended when I was young."

Why didn't I put that together sooner? "Is that why you ran away?"

"Yes, among other things."

Come on—he must know that vagueness kills me by now. "Like what?"

"I'm not going into details. All I'll say is bad people belong to that church. That's why I came to pick you two up."

Something bad happened. A painful tremble waved through my body when I thought this. He's talking from experience, a bad experience. It was hard to believe there was even more bad experiences he had other than what he told me. How much can one person go through, I wondered.

It's a good time to stop talking to him now. Another time I may have pressed the issue in hopes of him opening up to me, but there was no need to open up painful wounds. It was Christmas  _and_  his birthday; I couldn't give him much for either but I could give him silence, something I knew he savored.

When we arrived back home we had a round of tea and Levi fell asleep not long after on the couch. I found it funny how he could nap while sitting up stiffly with his arms and legs crossed, but I didn't have much time to etch the image of him in my mind as Mikasa and I took advantage of this time given to us.

**~End Eren's POV~**

Fright overcame me as my head nodded me awake, giving me the feeling someone might get before falling off a cliff. I blinked myself into full alertness until I discovered that I wasn't miles away from the ground falling to my death, but on my couch safely.

I must have dozed off. I checked my watch and it told me I did a little more than  _doze off_. It was six o' clock at night. Why didn't anyone wake me? Surely Eren's big mouth would have shook me out of a dream sometime during the lengthy rest—where is the brat anyway?

That numb rejuvenated feeling conquered me as I stood from the couch. For some reason I only got that feeling after a nap. If I were to get that effect after a night of sleeping, I'd have the potential to become one of those chipper morning people.

Coffee was calling my name and I stiffly crossed the flooring to answer that call, until I was stopped by a stubby obstacle dressed in an oversize apron at the arch of the kitchen.

"Hey."

"Hey...?" I duplicated Eren's greeting in a questionable tone. "Move."

"I'm making dinner, you'll just get in the way."

"I want coffee."

He pointed behind me, his finger directed at the couch. "Sit down, I'll get you some."

I rubbed my forehead in aggravation and let a yawn pass before blinking over his head. "Eren—you realize you're short and I can see right over your head, right?"

Stupid brat sucks at hiding things.

I knew it—I  _knew_  the little bastard would make a damn cake—well, likely Mikasa did most of it in fear Eren would screw it up. Cake was cake though, so I can't be upset.

He slumped his shoulders, his face too disappointed to make the effort of making an expression. "Can you at least  _pretend_ to be surprised?"

"No, I want coffee and some of that cake."

"That's for after dinner."

"Can I at least have coffee—wait, why am I asking permission?" I asked myself out loud and pushed him aside, or rather walked right through him.

"Eren really tried to surprise you, you know." Mikasa put on a strict tone when I filled the kettle.

"Oh, but I am."

"You don't seem it." Poor little Eren looked so glum. What was he expecting? Was I suppose to gasp and wave my arms about? ...Abort that mental image.

"Look at it this way," I was about to cheer them up, wasn't I? "You two are the first to talk me into even remotely celebrating Christmas and my birthday, so that on it's own is a shock to me." Yup, I did it—I scooped too a new level of lame. I know why, I was hanging out with Erwin way too much recently—he's rubbing off on me.

Thoughts about Erwin were always riddled in double-entendre's, or maybe I was turning into more of a pervert.

Eren's frown couldn't be held down any longer, he cocked his head to the side, scratching at his cheek shyly. "I guess that's good enough for me."

"So can I have some cake now?"

"No! It's not even done yet, we're still adding stuff to it."

I groaned, but a more important concern filled me as I became aware of the state of the kitchen surrounding me, if you can even call this dumpster a fucking kitchen anymore. My eyes scanned the area, bulging out more and more as I caught sight of all the flour, icing and eggshells scattered everywhere. My mug nearly slipped from my hand as my voice rose and nearly knocked Eren off his feet. "If you don't clean this fucking kitchen I will throw you out of my house this instant!"

"I'm getting to that! Geez, you don't have to threaten me! You woke up too soon. Everything was suppose to be done and cleaned up when you came in—blame yourself!"

So all of this was  _my_  fault. I still stand by what I said, he definitely should be a lawyer.

The night remained peaceful after my outburst, though. I didn't have to throw him out in the cold because he cleaned up efficiently in a flash. He reminded me of a nervous squirrel the way he would keep checking on my reaction, waiting for me to tell him he was screwing something up, but as dumb as he is, he's a quick learner when it came to cleaning and did good—at least well enough to lessen my anxiety. All the while, Mikasa kept icing the cake, stopping now and again to check the stove and ensure whatever was for dinner wouldn't burn.

I wasn't really hungry for whatever it was because I had a sudden craving for cake, which I kept eying up across the table like it was a hot stud at the bar. I wasn't crazy about sweets, but enjoyed it now and again and when I did get a craving, it was hard to control. Obsessive personality, remember?

Instead of  _me_ being the adult calling the shots here, I was being lectured by two brats telling me I had to eat before my dessert. Who do they think I am, a bratty child like them? How dare them tell me I can't have cake when I want it.

The meal they prepared was actually good, though, so I couldn't complain much. I knew Mikasa had a lot to do with it—Eren would have screwed  _something_ up; that itself was a dead giveaway. Still, I appreciated both their efforts.

I made some tea, because tea and sweets went hand in hand, but when I turned back to he table, I saw Mikasa doing something  _awful_  to the cake.

"Don't put  _candles_ on. I'm not ten years old."

"She's going to put more on than that, don't worry. We bought extra because we know you're old."

Eren is officially a fucking moron.

"No, I mean don't put any on  _at all_. Only children blow out candles."

"You said so yourself that we're making you celebrate special occasions you haven't in a long time, think of it like that."

"Just let me eat the damn cake already." My voice shamefully turned into a whine. I stood there sulking with my mug and Eren tried hard not to giggle at me, but failed.

"Who knew you had such a sweet tooth..."

"Knowing you, the cake is probably  _too sweet_."

The dig made him stick his tongue out in my direction.

"Is this enough?" We both looked over to Mikasa's work, abandoning our childish bickering. The fact that I saw more candles than cake made me think it was a bit  _too much_.

"You're both assholes."

Eren lashed his head back, laughing hard. This went on until I curled my lip at him, he stopped, a chortle still coming out. "I'm sorry, it's just funny because only twenty candles comes in a pack, so we had to get two and we figured why waste them?"

I rolled my eyes away. He needs to stop with these old man jokes or I'm going to relentlessly beat him and that sounds like a very troublesome ordeal for a birthday boy like myself to go through.

"Give me your matches."

"No, like I said, I don't want to blow out candles."

"I'll blow them out for you."

"I don't want your filthy child-breath all over my cake." Seriously, gross. That's another holiday tradition I will never understand. What's appetizing about spitting out your germy breath all over a cake fresh from the oven and then serving it to guests?

"Then fan it away, I don't know!"

He's not going to shut up until he gets his way so I might as well bite the side of my cheek and comply. I tossed him the book of matches from my pocket onto the table and it took him five times to get a single candle lit. When he worked on the second, the flame went out before it touched the wick, and this happened two more times until I sighed hard enough to make the first (and only) candle go out.

"Aw man... now I have to light that one again..."

Like  _hell_ I'm going to wait for him to light all those damn candles. I'll actually _be_  forty by the time he lights them all. I reached over and plucked both the single match and the book from his hands. "That's enough. You're too young to play with fire anyways."

" _Levi."_

" _Eren."_ The hard stare between us was broken by him looking away with a defeated sigh. See, I can play his stupid games too.

"Can I eat the cake now?" I was annoyed by the fact my tea went cold by waiting, so if there was another delay I might scream.

"Yeah fine, go ahead—oh, wait!"

I'm going to scream.

"I gave you a present earlier, so now it's Mikasa's turn."

"Oh no, not accepting any more gifts." Exchanging gifts made me feel uncomfortable, not to mention it was pointless. Anything others can buy me I can buy myself. Well, it saved me a trip to the shop, I guess.

"Well, it's not really a gift anyways." Mikasa spoke as she plucked the candles off the cake. "I just noticed your broom was broken, so I bought you a new one. I put it in the storage closet for you already."

"Oh." I almost wanted to say it was thoughtful of her but she didn't have to do much thought with the way I kept complaining about it being broken these past few days, but it was still much appreciated. "Thanks."

Like a gofer emerging from a hole, Eren rose his head, giving me a wide stare as he slapped his palms down on the table. "How come you say thanks to  _her_ but not  _me_?"

"Jealousy is an ugly color on you, Eren."

"Jealousy isn't a color."

"Touché."

After refilling by mug with a cup of hot tea, I sat back down and indulged in the cake before me. Since I ate beforehand, I only managed to squeeze in a piece, but I really wished I could have ate more because it tasted better than I expected. I hardly could enjoy it in peace though, because Eren eating like a barn yard animal with icing covering his face bothered me until I reluctantly grabbed a cloth and roughly wiped up his sloppy face. Honestly, he acts mature sometimes but times like this make me think he's an infant. His cheeks squished and warped as I rubbed vigorously to clean the mess he created around his lips. I refused to stop no matter how much he pulled away.

"S-Stop! I can clean myself!"

"Apparently you can't. Look, you got some on your shirt too."

With his chin dipped down, he inspected the damage and shot back up. "I'll change later!"

And he did once he took a bath, followed by Mikasa and finally myself and we all regrouped in the living room after to warm up near the fire.

Eren was on the floor, his legs out and crossed at the ankle. Mikasa was seated beside me on the couch and she broke the prolonged silence. "Levi, you said your dad used to tell you Christmas stories, right?"

"Here and there. Can't really remember. Why?"

"I'm just bored, I thought you could tell us a Christmas story."

Bored? They just stuffed their faces in cake. Kids are so needy.

"Hate to break it to you but everything I told you before was all I could really remember, well, except.." There is a God. I stopped myself in time, but this proved to perk Eren up.

"Except?"

"Nothing, I forgot."

"Liar."

"As if you can tell. We don't all have obvious glowing ears when fib,  _like you_."

"I can still tell. What were you going to say?"

I was going to say:  _'I can't remember the other stories my father told me, but I do remember the songs he sung to me.'_ But then I remembered I was talking to children—very _needy_  children that would want to hear said songs and wouldn't stop nagging me about it until next Christmas.

"Whatever, I don't want to know anyways." he said, flopping down on the floor.

"Are you actually desperate enough to try reverse psychology on me?"

"I don't even know what that  _means_."

"Levi, will you tell me?" Mikasa asked me, smiling. An actual smile, one I haven't seen on her before. Shit. Not you Mikasa, don't be like Eren. How are these two not related?

"Songs—my dad would sing me songs. That's all."

Eren rose up and made a face at Mikasa that made my skin boil.

"Did—did you just  _wink_  at her?"

"No."

Those fucking ears say otherwise. "So you guys are teaming up now, is that it?" Clever little bastards.

Eren's giggling almost made him unable to lift off the floor and plop beside me, now I was seated in the middle of these two corrupted children.

"Do I even have to ask at this point?" he said as he rested his head against my shoulder—the action stunning enough to forget what he even asked.

"...What?"

"Sing."

" _NO_."

"But it's Christmas."

"It's also my birthday so you can't make me do anything."

"Think of it this way, it's the only thing I want for Christmas."

". . . . . . _tch_."

I couldn't help but feel guilty that the kids went all out for me, with the gifts and cake and all, and I didn't get them anything in return, but this wasn't a way to make up for that. Anything but this.

"If you're worried because you're not a good singer than don't fret. I just want to know the lyrics, I don't care how you sound."

"Exactly. We won't laugh, if that's what you're afraid of." Mikasa added.

I huffed in offended amusement. "I'm not afraid of  _anything_." Is that what they thought? That I was scared that two dumb brats would laugh at me? Give me a break.

"Prove it."

"I hate you both."

But they just smiled at me, encouraging me (or plotting against me, it was hard to tell). After silently sorting through my thoughts, I took a breath and I began—not just reciting the lyrics, but I fucking sang. Was their drugs in the cake? I'm pretty sure there was. They confused sugar with crack, an understandable mistake. That was the only explanation for what was coming out of my mouth—all these Christmas-y words that burned my tongue.

When the song came to an end, I wanted to go outside and bury myself in snow and stay there until I couldn't feel anymore. The song I sung used to be my favorite, but now I hated it more than anything.

"Levi..."

"Not a  _fucking_  word." Why did I do this to myself?

"I'm not going to lie,"

"I'm going to beat you so hard, Eren." I wasn't even remotely kidding.

"I really didn't think you'd have a good singing voice,"

"I'm going to throw you back on the street." If he thought it was an empty threat he's mistaken.

"I was wrong, though, your singing voice is beautiful."

"Get out and die."

The choir of out out-of-sync exchange of threats and compliments ended, leaving Eren's giggle the last surviving sound in the room. "You don't have to be  _embarrassed_..."

"I don't get  _embarrassed_."

"Then why are your cheeks red~?"

My chest sunk when I noticed Eren's ears weren't flaming. That suggested he was actually telling the truth. What did I do to deserve this? A flash of many, many reasons popped in my head. Never mind. I deserve it.

I held my head up by the forehead, my shame weighing me down. "Go to your room, you too Mikasa."

"Oh c'mon! One more song!"

"I'll be singing it at your  _funeral_  if you don't do as I say!"

The friction of his hair nuzzled on my shoulder as he sulked. "Aw you're so mean..."

"Don't say that, Eren. Appreciate the fact that he sung for us at all—thank you Levi, you honestly do have a beautiful singing voice."

I twitched. Her words stung me even more than Eren's—speaking of Eren, what the hell is he doing to my shoulder?! "Stop rubbing your head on me and go to bed!"

He drew his head away weakly. "Promise you'll sing like that again, and maybe I will."

"I promise I won't beat you right now if you do." He cowered back at my deadly-sharp words and found his feet.

"T-That seems like a good deal to me."

Mikasa stood soon after him. "I think this was a good day—I hope you had a good birthday, Levi."

Do you think telling her it was the worse day of my life would disappoint her? Maybe just a tad.

Mikasa gave Eren and I a goodnight and went into her room, closing the door behind her.

I shooed Eren before me with a flick of my wrist. "You too, brat, go to bed."

"You're not coming with me?"

"...I'll be there in a minute. Start without me."

"Alright." Just before he entered the hall, he spun around with a grin. "I really do hope you had a good day...you deserve it." With that, he entered his room, leaving me with those words floating behind—but the words dissolved a few minutes later by a brute knock on my door.

". . . . . ."

Well that sure as hell isn't Christmas carolers at this hour. I peeled myself off the couch and cautiously crept to the door, listening for a sign of who could be on the other side. I wasn't paranoid, but I just wasn't kidding when I said I don't get many visitors.

"Levi, it's me."

I sighed so loud that I'm positive it was heard through the thick door. Said door whooshed open to reveal a man standing just as tall as the arch way, giving me a gentle smile.

"Sorry for disturbing you at a late hour but we're leaving at dawn tomorrow, so I thought I'd come see you."

I folded my arms and propped my weight onto the door frame. This was yet another routine Erwin and I shared other than having sex after he came back from a mission—he'd always see me off before he left. I guess he did it just in case he never returned; his way of giving a proper goodbye.

"You guys don't waste any time. A mission right after Christmas?"

"Nothing like ending the holiday season with slaying Titans."

A rare smile plastered on my face and I leaned myself in a little closer to his magnetizing body, but I resisted the urge to yank him into the house and have my way with him. Instead, I pulled back.

Right. Erwin's little rule still existed: no sex before a mission. When he'd come over before he left, it was strictly just to say his goodbyes. Apparently he's afraid sex will cloud his judgment or weaken him or something. Voting that down as a very dumb rule. If anything, sex is a good luck charm.

"Oh, and I picked this up for you on the way here."

I took the bottle from him and examined the label. Expensive, high-proof booze was held inside. "How about that—you got me  _exactly_  what I wanted this year, Santa."

He gave me a hooded glare; his previously kind smile turned into a frisky smirk. "Well, usually bad boys don't get gifts, but I made an exception for you."

How  _dare_  him turn me on when he's off limits.

Erwin was truly a cruel man if you cut through that trustworthy aura—that was my dick thinking, but in all honesty he's a good man. I still couldn't see him (or anyone) as a love interest, but he was definitely becoming a person I wanted in my life for a long time. He lives at least a half-hour away and he came deep into this shitty neighborhood just to see  _me_ on a freezing Christmas night. Actions like that, intentional or not, can tell you a lot about a character.

I rubbed at the prickly hair at the back of my head, looking down to Erwin's feet as I spit out the following words awkwardly. "Erwin...It's late. Why don't you just crash here tonight?"

I didn't even need to look up to see his expression, the tone of his voice painted it for me. "Really? But you never let me sleep over."

It was true. Even when he would come over for a fuck session I'd (sometimes literally) kick him out of my bed soon after. I don't even now what came over me but I wanted him to stay.

To hell with all this warm and fuzzy Christmas shit. Gives me the creeps—can't wait for it to be over tomorrow.

I took a step backwards to make room for him and shut the door before placing down the bottle of booze on the end table near the door.

"That's cute, you got a Christmas tree. Didn't expect that." He stopped all movement in order to admired it properly, his hands in his pockets.

I followed his line of sight, looking at the cluttered mess in the corner like it was a complete stranger to me. Even after all these days I couldn't accept that thing as apart of the house. "...The kids wanted one. I hate it and it's being thrown out tomorrow—and don't use the word  _cute_ , Erwin. It's gross."

He only gave me a chuckle and I was positive now, crack was definitely in that cake or else I'd never willingly invite this ox to spend the night.

The sleeves of his coat rolled off his arms as I helped pull them down, while doing so, I had to think of ways to keep my dick down—removing Erwin's clothing always ends in sex, it was a natural reaction. I couldn't help it.

After hanging the coat on the hook, I returned back to stand before him, he looked down at me, the anticipation clear on his face with a hint of worry—he was thinking the same thing as me: that it would be hard to restrain ourselves from sex and just have a friendly sleepover. He's never been in my house without sex being the main objective of his reason being here.

This wouldn't stop me from having a little fun, though. I've been around kids all day, I wanted a little adult time. Against the idea of lifting myself higher by the tips of my toes like a teenage girl receiving her first kiss, I reeled him in by the two ends of his scarf, forcing him to bow down to my level, lower and lower until our faces met at a perfect angle. I disliked kissing—it felt like a time-staller before the main event, but since said event was canceled his evening, I could at least get this much from him.

I released his scarf in favor of wrapping my arms around his shoulders and our lips pushed together. It started slow, as it always does with Erwin, but it wasn't long before his hands were roaming my back as I sucked on his bottom lip, my fingers combing through his hair as I did.

A thunderous bang caused us both to leap in the midst of our heated kiss, it ended with us clashing our teeth together. I whipped my head back, holding my mouth, but it did nothing to lesson the throb in my gums. "What the fuck was that?"

Erwin returned to his full height and glanced around with a shrug. "Maybe the wind knocked something over."

"Yes, Erwin, it was a draft coming in from my windowless house."

His head cocked in disbelief, then spun around the room to inspect. I waited for his 360 turn to end with my arms folded.

"Would you look at that, you're right. Never noticed that before."

"The only thing in this house that's familiar to you is my bed—speaking of which, you have to get up early. Let's just go to sleep."

With a nod he followed behind me. Once we made it in the bedroom, Erwin decided to strip down to his underwear, knowing I wouldn't have any sleeping clothes that would fit him. Despite the fact I had plenty of sleeping attire perfectly my size, I removed my clothing too, all of it, because I'd be damned if I was going to be the only one teased by his body being displayed like it's a damn statue in a museum with a big "don't touch" sign on it.

If I have to suffer, he has to as well.

I bit my lip as my head slowly dented into the pillow beside him—I was given a perfect view of his pecks cycling though a calm breathing pattern. Both his arms were bent above him, his hands supporting the back of his head.

We never actually slept in the same bed before. We'd finish each other off then go our separate ways, but I could get used to this view.

"Can we  _seriously_  not have sex right now..."

He chuckled, and I'm pretty sure that was the last straw that caused my erection. "You know I need my head sharp tomorrow."

"Yeah but—what about a blow job? That's technically not sex, and it'll help you sleep."

"This is killing me too."

If it's killing him  _now_  then there's no reason to hold back just to survive tomorrow—we're both going to end up dead at this rate. Less casualties the better. He should know this.

"...What about a handjob on me? That way you're not getting off and all you're doing is moving your hand—totally not sex."

"Hmm." The bastard is smiling at my misery. "It'll be hard to stop at that, though. I won't be able to resist going all the way."

I propped myself up, surely my face looked appalled. I couldn't even be ashamed at how horny I was getting. "And you tell  _me_  to have self-control? I'm suffering right now because you can't control your dick—go learn dick-control, Erwin."

His blaring laugh made it it difficult for him to reply. "You're actually really cute when I hold out on you. Remind me to do this more often—but at another time because the begging is actually turning me on."

"You shouldn't have said that."

"Levi, no. Don't you even think about it. You know I'd love to, but I can't."

I suddenly know exactly how Eren felt. It sucks being horny and being told no. That's just cruel. I'm totally giving Eren handjob tomorrow just to make up for it—wait, no, he's twelve. That's why I said no. Right.

But Erwin didn't have a good enough excuse. We were both adults—adults that were  _very_  physically attracted to each other. Just because he's worried sex will 'distract him from his mission' I can't get off right now. Bullshit.

"I didn't even get birthday sex on my birthday. How lame is that?" I was thinking out loud, but my plea stirred an unexpected reaction from Erwin.

"...It's your birthday?"

"Mm-hm." I groaned into my pillow and the body beside me shifted; Erwin was against mine, arms encircling my back tightly as his hand petted my hair until my bangs were out from my face. He placed several kisses everywhere but where I wanted one; on my forehead, my cheek, and finally my nose before he pulled away slowly to study me with ambivalent eyes. He took a long while before his parted lips made a sound.

"A handjob—that's all you're getting."

It's a Christmas fucking miracle.

I licked his lip to show my appreciation like a needy mutt. He pushed me onto my back, his leg clinging around mine as his head nestled in the crook of my neck, sucking the skin as his hand cupped my face, but I quickly grabbed hold of his wrist and maneuvered his two fingers into my mouth, only releasing them from around my lips to lick the length and bite the tips. I felt his hardness grow against my hip and it felt like such a waste that I couldn't play with it. Once his fingers were nice and lathered, he loped his hand down, running over my belly button slowly to build me up more. The sudden hold on me was so tight that I gasped on impact.

That ribbing build-up of thinking I wasn't getting anything from him had me reacting more intensely to his stokes. My entire torso was consumed with pinching sensations and the pleasure steadily branched out to my head and limbs, making me grasp the pillow and lower my lids. The heel of my foot dug into the sheet, my hips driving upwards into his hand to add to the rhythm he created.

My body was relaxed and tense at the same time—only Erwin could make me remember to never underestimate the power of a handjob.

When Erwin's hand left my stiffness, I was left panting at nothing until a lone finger tucked beneath me and sensually stirred my opening with the tip of his finger. My bodies first reaction was to bend my knees and drive my hips off the mattress to give Erwin full access between my legs.

"Ah—haa, I  _knew_ you wouldn't have any self-control to stop at a handjob."

His chin left my shoulder and he traveled to my chest, giving a suctioning suck to my nipple before speaking over my humiliating yelp. "I figured playing with you won't affect me much, so you're in luck."

"Can't say the same to you." I was getting all the pleasure and he was getting nothing in return—seemed like a shitty deal but I wasn't complaining since it benefited my side. My toes curled when that caressing finger previously teasing my puckered opening entered.

Erwin's velvet voice floated to me calmly, making me realize how unrestrained I was in comparison to him. "I'm more satisfied with pulling reactions from you—playing with you like this is the best way to do it."

I knew he got off to my reations—and I plan on rewarding him with them if he keeps this up.

In my rapture state, I didn't even notice he had moved positions until he was yanking at my dick and probing me simultaneously. His sight roamed all over my body, doing filthier things than his hands by the wild look in his eyes. When a second finger entered me, my head made a sharp turn into the pillow, my teeth biting the fabric.

"Ah...that's it, I love when you make expressions like that."

My mouth left the damp pillow and I cornered my hooded eyes on him. "You fucking pervert," was all I could spit out, but it wasn't even close to an insult. That side of him turned me on  _so much_. He likes me looking like a dog in heat, I like him putting that up-tight front down and handling me like his personal toy. That's all we were to each other, really: toys.

With his hand and fingers traveling faster, I was tempted to just beg him at the top of my lungs to stuff himself inside me and thrust as hard and deep as he could with little remorse for my body, but I knew he'd be against it despite the  _very solid_  evidence of his arousal.

Erwin's hand, dripping in my pre-cum, suddenly pressed against my lips; my blaring moans were blocked, only a drone vibrating against his fingers now. "Shh. You'll wake the kids up."

Shit. I completely forgot. I'm so accustom to being as loud as I want; my friends would blow off any sexual sounds coming from my room at night with a simple congratulatory thumbs up the next morning.

Now I had two children right next door of my bedroom. Anxiety mixed with my arousal, making an unsettling combination as I thought about how thin the walls were, but that lingering thought vanished as Erwin's hands returned to me, ramming in a third thick finger. The pleasure made me forget who I even  _was_  for a moment; I was in no position to keep my voice down now as he handled my stiffness at the same time. Erwin was quite dexterous—that being the final thought I had before my mind went blank and my vision went white with a breathless moan.

I was left panting, catching my breath as Erwin crawled over me and returned to his spot beside me. He cupped my shoulder-blades and pulled my flimsy body in close to to him.

When the aftermath of my orgasm wore of, I wiggled in his hold, trying to break free, but he only pulled me in closer, barricading me in secure enough that I couldn't escape. "Don't even think about it."

"I feel filthy. I can't sleep like this." Even though we didn't go all the way, I was still covered in my own liquids with sweat in the mix. Sex was fun but it was messy as fuck. I guess that's the price to pay for such enjoyment.

"Let me fall asleep next to you—you can clean yourself in the morning."

Being in a current restricting lock, I didn't have much of a choice. I think what we were doing is suppose to be  _cuddling_ , but with Erwin and myself being such rough creatures, it wasn't as cute as it sounded—but then his breath breezed against my skin in a steady rhythm and his muscles around me loosened, his pleasant dream allowed him to let his his guard down.

"Erwin."

His head bobbed up into attention the moment I called his name, his grip reflexively tightened around me. An acknowledging groan was my only reply.

"...Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. But I need to tell you something."

"What's the matter?" His concern mixed with that groggy tone made me tell him without the hesitation I felt prior.

"Be careful tomorrow."

A few beats later—perhaps to give him time to decide if this was a dream or not—his forehead pressed against mine. "I'm always careful. ...But I'd be safer if you were coming with me."

" _Don't. You. Fucking. Start._ " I felt him smile against my face. "I'm serious. If you die on me I'll—" his lips silenced me and departed just as fast.

"I will be careful. I promise. I'll be back before you even miss me."

That did nothing to calm my sudden nerves. How could he be back before I missed him when I already did? I already knew he'd wake up earlier than my body would allow and I'd wake up alone, likely with a letter written in Erwin's hand waiting for me on my nightstand. I already dreaded reading it.

It's true that Erwin is still very much a toy to me, but he's a one-of-a-kind toy that cannot be replaced. I never want to see him broken beyond repair.

Erwin stroked my face with warm hands until I felt myself nodding off into a comfortably numb state. His drowsy eyelids fluttered against mine and the final thing I heard him say before falling asleep in his arms was, "Happy birthday, Levi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: There wasn't even suppose to be smut but I can't just have Erwin and Levi in the same bed without them doing anything. I mean c'mon. ...I have less self-control than both of them. UGH. It's also very difficult to keep Eren and Levi from doing the smex... I'm okay with teenagers paired with adults but twelve is just too young. OTL
> 
> On another note, the story kind of gets back on track in the next one with thuggly Levi looking for vengeance and all that jazz—AND NEW CHARACTER. I was going to wait for them to meet in training, but remember I have no self-control so they're showing up in the next chapter~


	12. Ally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is determined to get back on track with finding the people who killed his friends. With nothing but a hunch and an ally, he heads to the North District, but is stalled when he meets a peculiar character on the most bizarre circumstances.

An empty space beside me greeted me upon wakening—not completely stripped of presence, though, because Erwin's body had been replaced with a neatly placed note on the bed sheets.

Corny bastard. I already predicted he'd do something like this.

The paper crinkled in my grasp when I took hold of it. Being half asleep as I was, the neat script of Erwin's hand took a while to come into sharp focus. As I waited for the sleepiness to evacuate, I lit a cigarette and sat up, my feet dangling just above the floor. Indolently, I settled just where Erwin previously laid.

Throughout the night, he never let go of me, although his grip did loosen the deeper he dived into whatever hellish flashbacks his dreams were likely showing him. I didn't take his weak arms as an invitation to squirm away, for whatever reason; maybe it was because it felt comforting in a way or maybe it was because it was freezing and that body of his radiated more heat than a Titan. The coldness of the sheets beneath my bare thighs told me he headed out hours ago. I almost cursed myself for thinking something as stupid as missing his warmth.

_Levi,_

_Try to keep out of trouble while I'm gone. If you do that for me, I'll keep my promise as well. See you soon._

_P.S. Thanks for letting me spend the night. I hope you'll have me again some time._

_Erwin_

My eyes remained clued on his name. His curvy signature took up a good portion of the bottom page. His script had a lot of character to it; even if he didn't pen down his name, the note still had Erwin written all over it. I imagine being the Commander of the Survey Corps gives you the skill of impressive handwriting. Signing off a dozen or so documents a day (and death tallies) gives you a lot of practice, I suppose.

Thinking of someone I know being in close counters with nearly unstoppable man-eating death machines at this very moment wasn't an ideal way to start the day—or evening, according to my watch. Looks like I'm back on schedule with my nocturnal hours, thanks to Erwin. Getting off makes me tired and sleep was naturally the only way to regain my strength. It was a relief in a way because I was sick of being up during the boring day hours.

Being back on schedule couldn't have came at a better time, now that I thought about it. With all the Christmas nonsense of the way and Erwin outside the wall, there was little-to-nothing left to distract me. The new year was also approaching and I'd be damned if I ended this shitty year as a failure.

The last eleven months weren't too terrible, but this December will always be marked as one to remember. In the matter of two weeks I lost those closest to me and gained two new bratty house mates. One of which I walked in on as I finished buttoning my shirt. Mikasa was currently seated at the kitchen table, finishing up the meal she prepared.

"You're awake. I made food, if you're hungry."

"Maybe later." Unlike these kids, I didn't like to eat as soon as I woke up; food just didn't settle with my stomach in the morning—or whenever the hell I got up. Thankfully, Eren didn't do the cooking this evening. At least Mikasa wasn't the one currently suffering from one of his dishes. As much as he enjoyed his hobby of cooking, he took more joy in eating. Having said that, the kitchen felt off without Eren talking with a mouthful in the picture.

"Where's Eren?"

She looked down at her plate, moving around her food in piles with a faraway look in her eyes. "In his room. He said he's not feeling well. I couldn't get him to come out or even eat anything all day."

I rubbed my eye to erase the last of my drowsiness and also to gesture my exasperation. Perfect. I tried to keep him from getting sick but it looks like all my effort was for nothing. He likely caught something from going out in this chilling weather everyday.

"Did you offer him medicine?"

Mikasa shook her head, finally looking me in the eye with a half-shrug. "I didn't know what kind to give him. I've been waiting for you to get up."

I pushed myself off the counter and stood under the frame of the entry, my back to her as she received a strict tone. "From now on, wake me up when something like this happens. I don't need him getting as sick as you were."

I peered at her reaction briefly before exiting the kitchen, leaving her nodding her head sullenly and I approached his door with a hard knock. "Eren."

No answer, not even after I knocked a second time. If he's as sick as Mikasa's implying, he's likely sleeping. I opened the door—intending to sneak in and check if he had a fever, but when I saw him up in bed, flipping through a book, I briefly pondered why in the hell he didn't answer my call.

Maybe it was just the flickering lanterns light, but from the looks of it he had a healthy glow, if you ask me—but that didn't mean much, especially if he just woke up with a bug. He'd likely not look physically ill right away.

I rested my shoulder against the frame and crossed my arms. "Mikasa says you're feeling shitty. Want me to bring you some medicine?" As I spoke, he never looked up, and even after closing the book, turning off the lantern and rolling under the covers, he never regarded me once.

"No. Leave me alone and let me sleep."

I tapped my fingers against my bicep, studying the dark silhouette of his body under the blanket. "Fine. But if you don't feel any better by tomorrow I'm shoving a pill down your throat."

With no reply, I shut the door behind me—nearly backing into the wooden surface once I heeded Mikasa standing before me with fiddling fingers.

"Is he okay?" Her brows upturned, her mouth parted with a downward hook. It was a difficult expression to look at, so I didn't.

"Hard to say. We'll just have to keep an eye on him. Whatever he caught might wear off if he gets some rest."

The girls eyes were dim with grief; reflecting all her concern for her brother in those big silver eyes, but they were cast down before I could read them further. "...I hope he gets better soon."

I huffed, almost bothered at how she was getting herself worked up over nothing, but I made sure not to let my annoyance show on my face. Instead, I did something remarkably stupid: I cheered her up—or at least a failed interpretation of my intent. "Stop worrying, he'll be fine. Remember how sick you were? If you can get over _that_ , he can get over whatever he caught."

Some of the worry drained from her eyes. "You're right. I'll keep it together."

"Good." Wanting to escape this exchange, I changed the topic to something else; not that I'm saying it was  _more_   _important_ than Eren being in bad health—okay, screw it—it was  _way_  more important than the brat having a stuffy nose or the runs. "Do you think you can keep an eye on him tonight on your own? I'm going out, but if you think you can't handle it, I suppose I'll stay home."

"No, it's okay. I can take care of him." The given reply was belated, but said with confidence.

It was unfortunate that Eren came down with something the night I planned to get back on track with my vendetta, but I couldn't let these kids keep me retained. If I didn't start moving now, I'll never make up for lost time and I'll be left with nothing but cold leads. As awful as it sounded, the kids were second priority right now on my list.

Mikasa was just a young girl, though, and I did worry she wouldn't know how to handle an emergency if Eren condition was to worsen, but I eased myself from obtaining a future headache caused by a guilt trip by schooling her. "I'll leave out some medicine, in case he gets worse. If he gets really bad, just take him to a doctor. I'll leave you money just in case, but I doubt it will come to that."

She filed my words earnestly for future reference, nodding. "All right. I think I'll just spend the night in his room, just as a precaution."

I walked past her as she latched onto the door handle, turning it slowly so she wouldn't wake him. I moved into the bathroom and opened the cabinet, revealing the wide range of pill bottles. Tapping my chin as I knelled down, I surveyed the collection the bottom shelf held. I wasn't sure what kind of sickness Eren had, but he likely just had a virus or the flu, so I picked out some medicine to cure the common symptoms such as fevers, stomachaches, nausea and head congestion.

I sat the handful on the counter for easy access and lined them up neatly after they toppled over from the drop. Wanting to get ready for the night in store, I replaced my current setting with my bedroom and stood before my deep closet. I pushed all my clothing to one side of the rack and braced myself to pull out a rather heavy trunk. Once it was in front of me, I unlatched it, lifted the lid and didn't hesitate before digging in and pulling out the contents.

One by one, my floor around me became cluttered with pieces of disassembled machinery as nearly the entire trunk was emptied.

It's been a long time since I pulled out my 3D Maneuver Gear. Up until now, I haven't had a reason to use it for quite some time. The only time it came in handy was when my crew and I would plan out a heist or a risky job and wanted to flee effortlessly. It's been collecting dust for about a year now since I've been placing smaller wages on my life gambles. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I never want to go to jail, and so taking speculative jobs to collect easy money was rewarding, but it also put me at risk of living in a dirty cage.

As fun as it was to raid the mansions of old rich scumbags or even rob  _the king himself_ , it wasn't worth the penalty. This, of course, didn't make me a pussy or a saint, I still was a crooked excuse of a human, but there were easier ways to make money that didn't involve as much risk, thus the need to use Maneuver Gear became less of a necessity for collecting cash.

But this wasn't about money. This was about getting revenge.

The North District is beyond the term 'dodgy side of town'—it's a hunting ground for lunatics, homicidal maniacs, junkies and backstabbing whores. If you didn't belong to one of those social cliques and found yourself in that neighborhood, then you would either be killed—if you were lucky—or you'd be quarried and sold; purchased by a sadistic pervert who you'd serve until he got a shiny new toy and became bored with you, likely torturing you to death.

I'm confident in my abilities, but I learned first hand on many occasions that I can't fend for myself in that side of town without a trick up my sleeve. If it wasn't for my crew tagging with me the times I visited the area, I would either be dead or an old perverts sex toy. That's why having a quick means of traveling (and fleeing) is a must.

The only reason why I'm insane enough to head over there now is because I have an ally—if you can call him that. He's an insane junkie who would likely stab his own mother for a hit, but he and I tolerated each other while rolling in the same gang. Over time he earned the title as an information broker. Anybody who was worthy of note, he kept tight tabs on them. Any information in his possession he is more than willing to spill, but there was a catch: he always wanted some peculiar exchange—meaning he didn't work for money.

Every time I ever needed information from him it became a scavenger hunt, so I tried not to rely on his services anymore, but his sources were usually right on the mark;  _reliable_  and that's exactly the type of person I needed to consult with right now.

There was a good chance he still hid out in the old drug den just a mile or two into the district. He wasn't one to change locations much. The North gang was originally formulated around there, but since then had branched out. They still had an exhausting list of connections and bases all around that I could stumble upon and if I were lucky I might just bump into  _him_ without any assistance. But the odds were slim given how much Maverick moves around.

Maverick—just recalling the name made my skin ripple from my seething blood. This was the foul man who lead the North crew, the same man who harassed me and my friends endlessly after we abandoned his gang and their idea sick duties. This was the same man whom I suspected the most. No one else could have been responsible for such a messy crime—there was no doubt in my mind that it was him or one of his oafs doing.

There was a good chance the junkie might know his whereabouts, if he still kept tabs on him after what happened, that is. The guy was thrown out of the North gang after robbing their supply of drugs. The best part about it was that Maverick and this information broker no longer were allies; they were enemies now, really, so there was a good chance of getting information undetected and striking before someone rats out my motives.

As I was getting my thoughts together, I had assembled the gear and suited up. My attire consisted entirely of black. The goal was to remain camouflaged within the darkness of night and stay undetected by psychopaths and the Military Police. I finished off the outfit with leather gloves and knee-high combat boots. The only stripe of skin you could see was around my eyes; the rest of my face was concealed behind a black bandana which I pulled down under my chin for the time being after it was tied securely behind my head.

Making sure the harness was bounded on tight, (sealing the straps on was easy enough, I had enough practice getting them on at the club) I looked a final time to the pit of the trunk. All that remained at the bottom was two Military-issued swords.

Getting caught with Maneuver Gear was one thing, but a mere civilian like myself holding onto the deadliest weapons known to man would give me quite a sentence if caught. The weapons in question were not used against other humans; their sole purpose was to take down Titans. It was against the law to even  _own_  these without being in the Military and even they weren't authorized to use them against their own kind. When it came to being in possession of small guns or knifes, you can get away with a slap on the risk so long as no crimes were committed with them, but these swords held with them a weighty hazard.

I slipped my dagger into the strap around my thigh. That was more than enough of protection. To be overly cautions, I holstered my pistol. I rarely brought guns out in public. This was mainly due to guns not being my strong point: I'm a self-proclaimed expert at close-combat and handling melee weapons, but another reason was because guns were a little too permanent for my taste. You can bash a person's skull in repeatedly, but they'll likely be fine in a few days. If you fire a bullet through someones head, however,  _that's it_. They're gone. There's no 'getting back up again'. No more 'putting up a fight'.

No matter how many enemies I'd be against, I never resorted to shooting. It just felt cheap. Even if the other party wanted to kill me, I just didn't feel the correct punishment was death—if you wanted to punish someone properly, you bash their head, kick their guts and make them  _feel_ every ounce of pain they deserved.

Well, that's how I saw it, anyway.

With all that put into concentration, I yanked out the gun from the holster and returned it to my dresser draw in a hostile motion. Fuck it. I'm not scooping that low. If I'm lucky enough to kill Maverick tonight, I won't let him get away with a simple shot to the head. I want him to feel all the pain he gave me and make him regret  _ever_  fucking with me.

When I closed the draw, I flipped my bangs to the side and out of my eyes. There in my sight was Erwin's note sitting on top of the dresser, looking back at me judgmentally.

" _Tch_." I crumbled up the paper, tossing it in the bin across my room. He should know by now that he can't tame me like one of his idiotic recruits.

In all fairness, I might actually be an idiot too for letting my grudge lead me to danger, but we all have our reasons for doing what we do, even if those reasons are unclear to others. Erwin might not find my logic behind my actions, but I can't understand his—how a seemingly sane person would risk their life to kill ugly giants. It was best not to meddle in each others personal affairs and continue doing what we feel is right, no matter how much we disagree with each others motives.

The next stage of my plan might be tricky: Operation Get Out Of The House Unnoticed.

The kids should both be in Eren's room and since I didn't hear any noise beyond my bedroom, it was safe to assume Mikasa fell asleep with him. I still needed to tread carefully because if I had to come up with an excuse to explain my attire and Maneuver Gear to those brats, I'll turn right back around to my room and use that gun on myself.

But after much cursing under my breath at how unmistakable loud the clattering of the gear was in transit to the door, I made it out to the stoop and climbed up the stairs, leaping off the final one as I grappled onto the roof of the house across the street. The landing was anything but smooth as I slipped on a frosty shingle and tumbled forward, but I managed to push myself up quickly without loosing my footing. I wasn't use to controlling the damn thing given the fact I've been out of practice for so long, but it should be just like riding a bicycle, right? I'll get the hang of it again by the time I reach the North District.

I took advantage of the new height I was given and panned the area. As far as my eyes would allow me to see, the connecting neighborhoods were lit except one area that was covered under a heavy black shadow—that's where I was heading to.

I leaped off the ledge and soared up, a trail of fumes behind me as the hook latched onto a chimney and tilted me in the right direction. The swing granted me speed and altitude. From then on, everything past me by in a blur. The streets below were bare; even most of the snow had melted away. If it weren't for the subdued lights coming from the passing windows, I wouldn't be able to make out a thing—not even the moon was out tonight, adding to the empty void. Only low wispy clouds were my company as I breezed from rooftop to rooftop.

But this feeling of isolation was abandoned when I saw a group staggering down the pavement, traveling directly where I was faced. The far-side wall I passed a second ago was hooked and I flung back, holding onto the edge of the top window pane. As the figures came closer, their loud, drunken conversation came with it and it didn't take me long to realize that the group of men passing through was the Military Police.

"Tch. Assholes always getting in my way." I continued to observe them, hanging there as my fingers started to strain from holding up my entire body weight, but I'd be able to move again as soon as they whipped around the corner. Hopefully I won't run into any more of them. Most soldiers on the night-shift are assigned to making rounds in the neighborhoods, but most of them just got drunk and only made one or two cycles throughout the night. Once I got to the North District, I wouldn't have to worry about them at all, though. To the most of my knowledge, those cowards were too afraid to step foot around there.

They were nearly around the bend now and I readied my finger on the trigger. As I was looking into the distance for a good spot to land the grapple, I was blinded by a light.

I closed an eye and peered into the window, only to see a bright lantern set on top of a stand near the glass. The floating flame reflected myself in the window, but when my eyes unfocused on my own figure and sharped beyond that, my vision latched onto a sight that took a long while to process in my mind.

Tits.

A pair of round, perky  _tits_  were looking back at me and seemingly waving with the way they bounced up firmly.

If this was to occur during  _any_  other situation, I would have nodded in approval at the glimpse of free tits, but this wasn't a normal situation. Let me repeat that for effect:  _This was not a normal situation._  I was three stories above the ground, hanging outside an unfamiliar window, looking at tits that belongs to a stranger—a stranger who— _lucky for me—_ was looking directly at me (who knows, she could have noticed me from the start, but when your eyes become glued to a pair of tits, it's kind of difficult to look elsewhere).

I had expected her to immediately cover herself and scream, then again I also expected myself to flee as fast as I could. But neither of us lived up to this expectation and simply kept staring at each other with our lips parted and our eyes static.

As long as this scene felt, it all occurred in the time span of seconds and as much as I felt like an animal in the wild, remaining still in hopes my predator wouldn't notice me, I knew such a method wasn't plausible and I was indeed caught. Not by Military Police, not by thugs or human-traffickers, but by this woman. This thought hit me just as my head smacked against the concrete below after my cramped hand had finally released me.

My head throbbed repeatedly, like someone was continuously bashing in my head with a brick. The throb went to my temples, the back of my head and my ears; which were currently ringing obnoxiously. My vision was black, despite the fact I was pretty sure my eyes were open and batting wildly. Slowly, the blackness distorted and turned into orbs muddled color. What appeared to be a ceiling was revealed after a few more blinks.

Putting the pain aside, a twinge of panic and natural instinct surged through me and I bolted up—the action caused my blood to circulate even faster and rush to my head, making the pounding more severe. But never mind something so petty—where the  _fuck_  am I? Nothing's familiar: not the hard slab I was on top of, not the vast ray of equipment around that looked like it was used for surgery... or as torture devices. Not even the smell was recognizable, but the scent was foul, like something died around here, like an animal...or a person.

_Fuck._

I was warned about places like this after the black market started accepting organs in exchange for cash. There's all kinds of sickos that will kidnap people and slice out their liver. I padded myself, making sure all of me was still there and reached my head, feeling a gauze around it.

 _Shit._  Are they prepping to take out my  _brain_?

Did they start already—was that why my head hurt so much? Or maybe someone knocked me in the head and dragged me here.

I took a breath. A deep one. Panic wasn't my strongest trait, best not to rely on it. Think about this clearly. I didn't encounter anyone...did I? My memories were fuzzy, but I was pretty sure I didn't even make it to the North District. I propped my elbow against my knee and hung my head into my palm, trying to piece together what happened, but my thoughts were cut off when my shoulders were pulled back. I landed back on the slate with a loud thump.

"You shouldn't be sitting up! Rest that head of yours or else you'll start bleeding again!"

A woman's voice floated above me and a second later a face that matched the tone was looking down at me like a specimen under a magnifying glass.

She was wearing a thin smile and watching me with round eyes under her glasses, her brunette hair was messily tied up into a ponytail. After taking in her appearance, all my memories floated back to me.

"...You're the one with the nice rack." I spoke like a slurring drunk and my voice sounded flatter than usual—which was unavoidable since I couldn't even remember how to move my lips properly. Also, I couldn't hold back the claim. It was literately the first thing that came to mind.

She let out a rough giggle and bobbed her head proudly. "Yup, that's me! And thanks, I grew them myself."

So maybe my brain wasn't being prepped for surgery and evidently sold to the black market—or maybe I'm drugged up and this is where my brain felt like sending me before it's ripped from the stem. Even if this was some trippy dream during amateur surgery, I wanted the setting around me to be explained.

"You mind telling me where the fuck I am?"

"In my house—well, the morgue, to be more precise."

"...Why the hell am I in a  _morgue_?"

She waved her hand reassuringly. "Don't worry, it's not like I put you down here for an autopsy in case you died from the fall or anything."

The way she worded it made me think that's  _exactly_  what she planned on doing.

She slid a stool over near the slate, a speculative smile never fading from her lips. "My father runs this morgue and in case you're wondering where that stench of rotting flesh is coming from, it's coming from the back room where the incinerator is."

That means the equipment circling me isn't instruments of torture, but for autopsy purposes and the hard slate I'm on is used for—

". . . . . .!"

I jolted up to my feet and the woman stood at attention to grasp my shoulders, holding me back from turning tail. I was used to this sort of thing by now, but it should be noted that my height only reached just above her shoulders. The magnetizing effect of her glasses made her eyes pop out even more as she twisted her face dumbly at my attempt to flee.

"What's the matter? Like I said, you need to rest—"

"How  _dare_  you put me on a slate were dead fucking bodies lay, shitty-glasses." My voice roared over hers, my speech impediment from before was gone.

"...I clean it after dissections."

"Liar."

She put her head down in surrender. "At least sit down," she pushed the stool between us and even though it was likely just as filthy, I took a seat, crossing all my limps together stiffly with a puss on my face.

She went to the other side of the room and pushed along another stool and sat across from me, scratching the back of her likely lice-ridden head. "Sorry about that, I was just frantic when I saw you fall and needed a place to stitch you up quickly."

"...Did I really fall hard enough to need stitches?"

"Yep, you took a nasty hit to the back of the head. You're lucky you're up and talking right now. Don't worry though, I did a professional job—I had enough practice with my experiments."

Since this is her father's morgue, it was reasonable to assume that she helped out and did some autopsies, but wording it as  _experiments_ was an odd way to put it and I couldn't help but think she was referring to something else entirely. I decided to question her on this to be sure there wasn't a misunderstanding. "...Experiments? What kind of experiments?"

That's the day I learned to never,  _ever_ ask this woman another question relating to experiments ever again.

I'd rather have my eardrum pierced with infected needles than be forced to listen to all of this excruciating bullshit coming from her mouth. After suffering through an agonizing and well-detailed description of all the deceased she worked on (or as she called them: "test subjects") the conversation veered to her telling me all about (in great detail) her fascination with Titans. The way her eyes sparked up like a damsel in love made me uncomfortable and I thought about getting up and leaving, likely unnoticed as she continued to talk, but I stayed put. This long one-sided chat ended with her telling me she was planning to join the Survey Corps next year so that she could finally fulfill her life-long wish of running experiments on the Titans.

"Anyway, I'm Hanji Zoe!" Funny how I knew her entire life story, hobbies and creepy fascinations before learning her name.

"And you are...?" She reached out to me, gesturing a handshake, but I just looked at her hand in disgust like it was a pile of shit.

"...Levi."

"Levi—?"

"That's all you need to know."

She pulled her flatted hand away and turned it into a thumbs-up. She took the hint that I didn't want to touch her filthy hand and even accepted being granted only my given name without pressing the issue further, but she did, unfortunately, address another bothersome matter. "Now might be a good time to ask why you were peaking into my window, Levi..."

Just when my circulation started to stabilize, my blood started swamping my skull, making my head pulse once more. Shitty-glasses got it all wrong. "I'm not some  _peeping tom_. You shouldn't get dressed in front of open windows anyway."

"My bedroom is on the third floor and it's the middle of the night. Excuse me for not taking it into consideration that someone on Maneuver Gear might pass by."

". . . . . ." From any other perspective, I really did just look like a common pervert; a common pervert with Maneuver Gear and a head concussion.

Thankfully, Hanji wasn't one to keep picking at piddling matters and instead moved to a fresh topic. "You're in the Survey Corps, right? I heard they left for a mission this morning, why didn't you go?"

My chin sloped down at the wild claim as I gave her a quizzical look. "I'm not in the Survey Corps."

"Oh. Then where did you get the gear?"

"...None of your business."

She squished her lip, unsatisfied with my answer. "If you weren't peeping on girls, then why were you using the gear?"

"Do I have to repeat myself?"

She huffed and twirled her head around the room, like she had a stiff neck and was trying to get out the cramp. "I just carried your heavy ass in here and tended to your wounds and told you my life story, but you can't answer a single question?"

"I never asked you to do any of that, though."

She was the curious type, I could tell, and she proved to be even more childish than Eren when he kept pressing for an answer. "You got a free show of me topless, the least you can do is answer some simple questions!"

I groaned. She's annoying. And weird. I wanted her to shut up, so I gave her a snippet. "I was heading over to the North District for some information, that's all."

"...North? What, are you suicidal? What kind of information are you looking for—the origin or the Titan's? That's the only information that seems valuable enough to risk your life in that side of town."

"It's a long story."

She folded her hands on her lap and chortled. "I like long stories—I normally like telling them, but I can be a good listener too."

Her next actions I found unnecessary since we were the only ones in the room. Leaning forward a bit, her volume lowered by a few notches and her hand barricaded one side of her mouth. "By the way, don't skimp out on the details. I figured out that it probably involves something illegal—I bet that gear of yours came from the black market. I'm no stranger to that place, so I won't nark on you."

I just stared at her for a long time and finally stood. Yeah, I'm leaving this crazy lady right now. My concern wasn't being reported, but allowing myself to become one of her test subjects and let her pick at my brain (mentally or literally) is something I am worried about. Only a step or two was cleared before my head and feet suddenly felt numb; I wobbled just to keep myself balanced before a greasy hand gripped my wrist.

"Are you deaf? You need to stay put, I'm not kidding!"

"I just want to go home." Tonight, unfortunately, was going to be put aside as another failure on my part. There was no way I'd last a second in the North District in my current condition—I would need some rest before heading out again. This could all be blamed on this Hanji woman.

Damn this wench and her stupid glasses and stupid tits.

An exaggerated heave sounded from her as she stood, a sense of involvement was clearly going through her head as a pitiful look was sent down to me. "At least let me help you get home. In your current condition you'll never make it back without assistance."

I didn't want her to tag along with me all the way back to my place, but with being as light headed as I am right now, it might be a wise idea to have back up, just in case.

"Whatever, do what you want."

She gripped her hand around my shoulder, but I brushed it off on impact. I wasn't entirely handicapped to the point I needed aid for simply balancing. So long as I walked slow and steady, I could manage on my own.

We made our exit and she locked the door behind her. I kept walking, though, but she caught up to me in a jog.

"Do you live far from here?"

I couldn't think sharply due to the stinging in my head, but my surroundings were familiar and that told me I wasn't far from home. "It's just a few blocks from here."

I staggered through the streets, which wasn't an uncommon sight, but this is the first time the scene played out while I was sober. Hanji kept my pace right beside me, her arms out and ready to catch me at any given time if I were to fall. The woman was strange, that much I deducted after she vented to me about her creepy hobbies, but she was considerate; a rarity nowadays.

If she were any other woman, I would have received a good slap to the face and left bleeding to death on the pavement after my fall. I almost considered myself lucky that it was her window I got caught peeping into.

"It's right up here." I said and by this time the arrival was a miracle. I  _really_  needed to sit down. At this rate I was going to start hemorrhaging if I didn't stabilize my heartbeat.

"...Oh. So you live around  _here_ , huh?"

"Yeah, what about it?" I cornered my eyes up at her, a scowl evident. I felt a little insulted at the way her voice dipped in disapproval. It was a shitty area, yes, but she lived close by so she also lived in a shitty area—she had no right to imply she was of a higher class by downing this hood.

"No—sorry, that came out wrong. I just...I just recalled what happened around here a few weeks ago." She paused, looking dreadful as she rub her hands over her sleeves; either she was cold or the said memory rushed a chill over her body. "This neighborhood isn't the safest, but homicide was always considered a foreign concept around here. It puts me on edge a little to know that couple was murdered around here—"

"How do you know about that?" There was no doubt about it that she was referring to my crew, since she said it herself: murder didn't happen in these parts often. Last I checked, their deaths were never covered in newspapers and it was almost like they disappeared off the face of the earth when they died; their presence only remaining in my memory like they were just a figment of a weird drug trip and I was the only one who could recall them existing in the first place. Having said all this, her words referring to my friends threw me off, yet took my full attention.

She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Well, I performed their autopsy—wait, did you know them?"

We stood facing each other on the top of my steps and I looked down to my door, wanting to flee from pending images that would come from answering. I closed my eyes to prepare for what would be said next. "They were friends of mine."

"...I'm sorry, Levi. That's really awful."

I shook her words off and distracted my mind with what she said prior—it was almost a relief to know that they were handed over to a morgue properly and not thrown away like dogs, but it was disappointing at the same time to know that I couldn't even give them a proper burial. "...So you performed their autopsy—is their anything you can tell me about it?"

The chances of her knowing any critical evidence about their assassin's were slim, but it didn't hurt to ask the last person who examined them some questions.

"Depends on what you want to know, I performed a lot of test on them—ah, I just realized that might be upsetting to hear, sorry."

"No, it's fine." I looked to the door again and jingled my keys in my hand, my face winced at the thought that popped in my head. "If you're up to it, you can come inside and tell me about it."

I wanted to know everything I can, even if it wasn't exactly useful information. There was a  _chance_ —and when it came to finding the actual culprit with evidence to back it up, I had to take  _any_  chance I could get.

Despite the fact it was the middle of the night and the two of us meet on the  _strangest_ circumstances, she eagerly welcomed herself inside. To her, it was just an opportunity to talk about her hobbies, but to me, it was a chance to gain more knowledge about my friends final moments.

After lighting up the living room to clear the darkness, I offered Hanji a seat on the couch. As I was about to sit myself, the bathroom door creaked open, halting me in my action as I waited to see if it was Eren or Mikasa exiting.

A small girl came to view and rubbed at her eyes in our direction. "Is everything alright?" She must be a little startled to suddenly see the room lively with myself and a stranger taking up the space.

"Yeah—oh, right. How's Eren doing?"

"He's still sleeping. I can't really tell."

"Okay. Go back to bed, then. I'll check on him in the morning."

She yawned while nodding and returned to Eren's bedroom with a click of the door.

Hanji turned to me with excitement in her eyes, both palms slapping down on her thighs. "Uwa~ how cute! I would have never imagined you were a father! Your daughter is really beautiful, I can see the resemblance~"

Yanking my head back at her wild accusation, I explained quickly. "No, I don't have any kids. They're just staying with me for a while."

Hanji's mouth formed a circle as she blinked at me. "Ah...so they're you're relatives kids or something?"

"...They're from the Shiganshina District and came here to look for their father after the Titan breach. I'm just letting them stay here until they track him down." I avoided eye contact with her by flicking the long ash of my cigarette in the ashtray, but when I looked up again, I was startled to see her skin suffered inflammation as her entire face twitched.

"They—they're from the Shi-Shiganshina District?"

"Yeah...?"

She began stuttering and mumbled like a used up hooker after a bad trip. "Th-They saw them...u-up close...ooh boy—"

"Are you okay."

She bolted up and shot her hand in the air proudly, her filthy foot propped up on the coffee table. Her eyes twinkled with enough delight to cause a glare on her lenses. "You must let me interview those children!"

"Absolutely not."

Her proud structure crumbled along with her twisted grin. "Why not? It would really help with my analysis about the Titan's..." Her confident vocals were replaced with a tone more whinny than Eren's when he wanted something.

"Who gives a shit about your analysis? They're big, ugly creators that eat people. What more do you need to know?"

"Your kids might no more! Let me question them!" She rose her voice louder, not caring about showing manners in another persons home in the middle of the night.

"Levi~ Pleaseeee?"

Why do people think that sing-songy begging voice works? Especially on  _me_  of all people?

"Get out of my house, shitty-glasses." At the time, being irritated as I was, I couldn't even remember  _why_  I invited this lunatic that gets wet from the thought of Titans inside my home in the first place. Damn head concussion; everything felt so choppy.

"After you let me question them, I'll leave."

My back hunched down as I pinched the bridge on my nose. Why is it that every person I meet is either batshit insane or annoying? In Hanji's case, there is no 'or'. A real winner she is, she takes both titles all for herself. "Listen, Hanji. Shiganshina isn't exactly filled with happy memories for them, if you catch my drift."

"I won't make them talk about their personal experiences. I just want to ask them about the Titan's behavior."

"That alone would trigger them. Titans killed their loved ones—anyway, just leave them out of your stupid research. They've been through enough."

Hanji closed her eyes and took a long breath through her nostrils then slumped back down into the couch with an exhale. "Fine, fine. I just got excited because I never met a Shiganshina survivor before—but I'll drop it."

How terrifying would it be for those children if a scary woman like Hanji busted through the door while they were half asleep and questioned them about the Titan's? Thank God she overcame that delusional way of thinking.

"Speaking of the kids, you said they were looking for their father, right?" At least she was wise enough to change the topic before I got too angry.

"Yeah. He was headed toward Wall Sina during the breach. They've been looking for him for months with no luck, though."

"That's too bad. Could you tell me his name or maybe a description? There's a better chance of finding him if more eyes are searching."

The kids never mentioned his name, just referred to him as "dad" so all I was able to give her was Eren's surname. "Yeager, and he's a doctor. That's about all I know."

"Yeager...you know, that name rings a bell. I think he might have visited my father in the past."

"What about recently?"

"Not that I can recall, sorry. But if he visits again I'll be sure to tell him his children are looking for him."

"The help is appreciated." Adding another person in the search heightened our chances of finding him. It was nice of her to offer her assistance, admittedly.

The room became silent after that, but once I recalled the point of letting her in the house in the first place, the next words I spoke stirred her up again. "Now you're going to tell me about the autopsy you performed, right?"

She was previously sulking with her head down, but my words snapped her up. "You mean...you really want to hear about it?"

"Of course, idiot. Gather your thoughts and I'll make some coffee. I want to know everything."

Making coffee wasn't a good idea. From the second I met her, I learned Hanji was quite a talkative and perky woman by her own nature. When you add fuel to an already lit fire it just makes the blaze all the more intense.

But thankfully she managed to calm down her passion for the sake of the serious topic at hand. Setting down her cup, she looked at me with a solemn expression. "I can start by telling you the details of their cause of death."

I lifted my hand off my folded arm and waved away the offer. "We can pass that, I already know they were murdered by a blade of some kind judging by the state of them."

Her eyes rounded toward me. "This doesn't imply you actually  _saw_  their corpses, right?"

"Yeah, I did."

"I'm sorry." She paused to close her eyes from the impact of my claim, but those brown eyes shot back at me suddenly. "Why is it that you want to know about autopsy, Levi? You've been through enough by losing your friends and to be frank, if you get me talking about it there's a good chance I'll go into great detail and manage to upset you."

I shrugged carelessly and draped my arm over the back of the couch. "I'm looking for the person who killed them. That's why I was heading to the North District earlier; to seek information." It was a shame that my trip was held off for another night. I was still internally cursing about it. I'm always being delayed, but I suppose meeting Hanji wasn't a horrible twist of fate. She was connected to the crime, in a way, and she could turn out to be a good source for my data collecting.

Determination glowed on her erect features. "Understood. I'll help you any way I can. A sicko like that shouldn't get away with such a crime."

That's what I like to hear. It's not too terrible to make a friendly and resourceful ally like her. But this foreplay of a conversation is tedious. I just wanted to skip to the juicy bit. "Is there anyway to tell what kind of weapon was used? I know it was a blade, but I didn't get a good enough look at the wounds to deduct the type that was used."

"Well—it was sharp enough to hack through flesh and bone, so I ruled out knives and pocket blades. I'm leaning toward a sword or katana of some kind."

"In your opinion, do you think the murder was premeditated?"

"Absolutely. It's safe to assume we're not talking about a random mugging or knife fight. Given the fact that no one legally walks around with sharp swords, yes, it seems that the perpetrator planned it, but I'm still 50/50 when it comes to other matters—like the fact that they were killed in an open alley way makes me think they were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. However, if the murders were due to petty crime like mugging or drugs, then I don't see why they would have been slayed mercilessly. Whoever killed them really wanted them dead."

A thoughtful  _hm_  sounded in my throat as I looked away to gather my own ideas with a drag of my cigarette. I twisted the filter between my fingers thoughtfully. Hanji flipped back and forth on the motive, but more evidence points to it being planned. "So it looks like a hate-grudge, right?"

"In a way, yes. When victims are slashed repeatedly—even after death—it usually implies the culprit really hated the victim."

Another check added to Maverick, in that case. It was unnecessary to question Hanji on this, since I made that assumption prior but having a second opinion confirming was still helpful. Just having someone to talk about the specifics of their deaths caused an unusual alleviation—something I hadn't expected to happen.

"Can you determine how many people were involved?" I asked.

"More than one, for sure. The man put up a good fight though, judging by all his bruises, but after a careful analysis I confirmed that the woman died first. It's possible he was trying to protect her, but a second person stepped in and aided the culprit."

Based on that, it had to be one of Maverick's boys doing the dirty work for him, but he was still the commander in charge that called all the shots; making him the prime suspect. Killing his mindless goons wouldn't be as satisfying as killing the man who voiced the order.

"Anything else worthy of note about the autopsy?"

"Two things, actually. There was something strange I found while testing their blood. An unrecognizable substance I never saw before was in their bloodstream."

It didn't surprise me as much as Hanji probably assumed it would. "My friends experimented with drugs, in spurts. When there was something new on the street they would try it out, to see if it was worth selling. They weren't junkies, though, just experimental."

"I'm not really up to date on the chemicals involved in trending street drugs, so let's just assume that's the explanation. It wasn't toxic or anything. It plays little-to-no role in the murder anyway, but it's tactful to keep in mind they  _may_  have been under the influence of something, which might have led their actions that evidently led to their homicide—but I don't want to assume anything, but it's best not to leave out any options."

They weren't the type to start trouble while they were fucked up on something, but if they were high and felt threatened by Maverick or his goons, there was a chance that shit hit the fan due to their unnatural state. It was still no reason to kill someone, though, because I knew those guys better than anyone and they never wanted to hurt anyone unless they hurt them first. That's how I know that their deaths weren't their own fault, even if they were high off their asses.

"You said there was something else, right?"

She interlaced her fingers, using the bridge she created as a support for her chin. "Yes, but I'm not sure how you'll take it."

Not knowing what kind of news I had in store for me, I braced myself with a deep breath, closing my eyes. "Tell me."

"When I dissected the woman, I was surprised to find that there was a fetus inside—she was over a month pregnant from the looks of it. When I ran a blood test, it was confirmed that the babies DNA matched both victims. Now, this doesn't involve their murder but—"

Hanji's voice faded away as my breathing paused, my stomach turning. I covered my mouth with my hand.

Wait—they were _together_? It shouldn't be coming as much of a shock, given the fact that I became more suspicious about their relationship as the years went by, but I was—I was  _shocked._

I was thrown completely off course by this. They sometimes got so shy around each other but still unmistakably flirted—to know they  _got together_ actually made me relieved; it was almost agonizing watching them act like timid teenagers around each other when they obviously had romantic feelings, but, shit, they  _finally_ got together after all that time. And to top if off, she got  _knocked up_ —which would have caused an uproar between us all at first, but we all would have worked through it somehow... _would have_. I should be saying we  _will_  work through it, but they are dead—including their unborn baby. Just in the peek of their relationship, just when there was a new hope growing inside, they had their lives taken away from them...taken away from me.

"Levi...Are you alright? I know it's not pleasant news, I'm sorry—maybe I shouldn't have told you..."

I swept my hand over my face and snapped myself back into composure. I spoke in a mumble through my fingers, "I'm fine."

The way Hanji's lips turned downward showed that she clearly saw right through me. "Maybe this isn't the best time to ask you, but did they have any family?"

I shook my head with a tight lip. "No. It was just us." They were my only family as well, but that was hardly worth mentioning.

"I see. In that case, I think it's only right if I ask you—would you like to be the one to claim their ashes?"

"...What?"

"Well, when we cremate 'John or Jane Doe's' at the morgue, we hold onto the urns for a month. If no relatives or friends comes to claim them, we sprinkle them in the graveyard. But if you'd like, you can take ownership of them." She paused there, allowing her head to depress. "And also the babies ashes, as well."

I bit my lip, hard, the sharp sting distracting me from wanting to go on a full rampage to release my boiling rage. I nodded stiffly at her, almost unsurely. "Yes, please, I would appreciate that a lot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So no one gets confused, Maverick is technically an OC (but I hate named OC's in fics so don't call him that shhh) I just couldn't think of anyone in canon who would fit that role, so, yeah, hope you guys don't mind! Things will remain pretty serious and angsty for a while. Unfortunately, stress will just keep piling up for poor ol' Levi.


	13. Misconstrued

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is bothering Eren and Levi is going to get to the bottom of it. The heated exchange leaves him reflecting on his darkest memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are going to start hating me for emotionally abusing Levi, but one of the genres is hurt/comfort and not humor for a reason...I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you things will get better after this but I would be lying. But I promise to throw in some comedy whenever I see the opportunity!
> 
> Warning: This chapter has triggers. There are mentions of noncon, suicide, self-harm and deep depression. Please, if I missed anything now or in future chapters, tell me and I will add them in and apologize. I take triggers very seriously so don't be afraid to let me know if something needs a warning!

Shitty-glasses, Titans' slut, nice tits or 'Hanji'—whatever you wanted to call her—ended up spending the night at my house. There's a valid reason for this and surprisingly enough it's not because my home is suddenly a free hotel (even though that's reasonable to assume after I took in those two brats and let Commander Blondie spend the night). After our long discussion about my crews murder and deadly gangs, it didn't feel right to let her walk home alone in the middle of the night.

Ain't I a fucking gentleman?

I disliked the idea of a stranger (a very strange stranger) I just met staying at my house and laying on my couch, wrapping herself in my linens with that greasy body of hers, but if I were to walk her back it defeated the purpose of her coming along to assist my condition in the first place.

I was in an erratic, yet clear state of mind last night. Surprisingly enough, not a single drop of liquor touched my lips, but my head still pounded upon wakening as if I drank a bars entire shipment of booze.

Smacking my head on the concrete may have played a roll in my current head condition, either that or the conversation last night was mounting down heavy pressure on my thoughts.

It hasn't been long since my friends died, but with every day I miss them more because I can physically feel them drifting further away from me, further from my memory; their faces are starting to blur in my minds eye and the thought of them disappearing completely terrified me. How can people I saw everyday feel so far now? Was it the shock effecting my photogenic retention? Or was it that death really is a permanent end that erased a persons existence?

I buried my face in the pillow from the thought—a whiff of Erwin's scent was still attached to the fabric.

Sometimes after I woke up, I'd forget they were actually gone. That brief moment of oblivion was becoming something to look forward to. For just a second, I  _actually believed_  they were still alive, ready for me to exit my bedroom and greet me with those stupid smiles they always wore. That blissful moment of content would soon be destroyed—followed up by the same dread that was forced down my throat. I had to swallow the same harsh truth day after day. Time doesn't heal; it was still a bitter load to ingest and it was only a matter of time before I choked from the build up.

I lost my family; my mother and father were taken from me in the prime of my childhood. Being the optimistic idiot I was back then, I tried to pick myself up and it was worth it because I made a new family—but I lost them too. Everyone I care about gets taken away from me.

It's only a matter of time until I lose the little I have left; this cognizance came to me like a calm before a storm. I sensed a disaster coming, like how birds could detect a disturbance brewing, but unlike them I couldn't fly from the danger. There was nothing I could do to stop the future from unfolding. I'm nothing but an apterous rat stranded on the unsecured ground.

Erwin—he would die eventually, sooner rather than later. If he  _does_  end up surviving a few more years, he'll likely lose his mind in the process and be better off dead, free from the burdened misery that comes with his responsibility.

As for Eren and Mikasa—I care about those kids, more than I ever expected to when I first met them. This only meant they will leave me eventually too. At best, they'll be reunited with their father and we'll never see each other again. If I'm lucky, I'll remain a decent memory for them for a few years, marking me as the man who helped them in a time of need. That would be the best case scenario—I much rather them be with a family member than a bad influence like me.

The day I'm left completely alone in this house, left with nothing but the silence and memories, I do selfishly dread.

They'll become fine adults, I'm sure, if they don't actually end up joining the Survey Corps, that is. If they do, then at least by then they'll be out of my hands. I won't have to face the news that they were killed at a young age.

The time told me it was a little past five in the evening. This meant there was likely activity going on in the kitchen with Eren fighting for cooking rights as Mikasa does her best to convince the self-proclaimed chef a break from his duties, but that translated to 'don't feed me your gross, overly-seasoned thing you call a meal'.

It was nice to have a routine—the predictable was pleasant; calming even. Life could be so chaotic and unorganized at times. Times like this, as rare as it was, was something to be savored. Knowing what to expect when I walk through that door left me with a pleasant sensation as I turned the knob.

A muffle sound of glass shattering, a thump that shuddered the hallway walls and a fretful shout disturbed me—no,  _contradicted_  me.

Fucking  _idiots_  ruined my moment.

"Ugh." That groan lasted until I reached the end of the hall and made a sharp right into the kitchen, scratching my head as I looked to the floor with closed eyes, I prepared myself mentally before submitting myself to whatever mess was before me.

"What the hell is going on in—"

"Mornin', Levi! Ah, well, evening—" A large woman wearing Eren's apron, that fit her big-ass frame perfectly, greeted me. Seeing her made me disregard the disorder surrounding me.

"Get the fuck out of my house."

Straining her features, Hanji's tone went went franticly high. "What's with the cold shoulder? I thought we were friends! Besides, you weren't going to wake up anytime soon and I had to feed your kids!"

I glanced over at Eren seated on top of the counter near her. He was previously smiling like he just got finished sharing an inside joke with Hanji, but now looked rather blank. Mikasa had somehow made her way over to stand beside me without me noticing her move at all—she just sort of appeared next to me.

"They can cook just fine for themselves—and they're not  _my_  kids." I said.

There was a tug on my shirt. I slanted my view down to Mikasa, who was giving off a confounded vibe. Her voice was directed at me, but her eyes were set on the loud woman. "Levi, she's been here all day. Who is this woman?"

"No clue. An intruder, perhaps."

"Aw come on! That's cold!" She turned and nudged Eren with her elbow. "Ne, Eren, wanna know how Levi and I met?" He gestured a yes.

_Resist the urge to knock her in the head with a frying pan._

I tightened my fist, thinking of the worst possible thing she could say. Last night was a mess I wanted to forget, but one thought did remain: I concluded that Hanji had a high intelligence despite her strange hobbies. If she was as smart as I assumed, she wouldn't say anything stupid to a kid. I relaxed a bit.

"The perv was peeping in my window while I was dressing last night! Can you believe it? Hahaha!"

_Where's the fucking frying pan?_

"I believe it, he's a total pervert." Eren and Hanji shared a giggle together, their chuckling sent them bumping into each other. It suddenly felt like battle with Mikasa on my side and Eren siding with the enemy.

"You don't look sick anymore, you fucking liar." He wasn't sick to begin with, he just wanted an excuse to be a lazy little shit, didn't he?

The smile he was gifting Hanji with straighten out when he looked my way. He gave a little "hmph!" and flicked his head away all prissy-like.

"What's with that face you're making, Eren? Constipated?"

He lashed his neck at me as if he was waiting for the opportunity to be stirred up so he could boil over. "I should be asking the questions. Why is there a bandage wrapped around your head? Get in a drug brawl? Or let me guess, you fell off the  _pole_."

"Oi,  _brat._ " I stomped up to him and based on the way he flinched and shielded his face with his arms, he wasn't man enough to confront the consequences of his regretted words, but it was too late to take back now.

Somethings up. And I'm going to get to the bottom of it. Right now.

A feeling in my gut told me there was something more to that scene he feigned yesterday, but for the sake of having better things to do, I didn't insist and settled on the idea that he was just sick. But Eren is unmistakably being brattier than usual. When something is on his mind that either pisses him off or confuses that puny brain stuck in that spacious head, the only way he knows how to react is by malfunctioning completely. The defect is causing him to act out like a rebellious little punk.

I latched onto his lobe, not in the playful way I usually do when he's lying, but actually hard enough to send him off the counter to his clumsy feet. He mouthed curses all the while. I moved my hand in favor of his collar and pulled, breezing past Hanji and Mikasa as Eren dragged behind. "Show yourself to the door, Hanji."

"B-But—!"

"Go. And as for you, Mikasa—" I looked back at the girl sending me vile glares as she chased me down. "—stay out of this."

The door of Eren's room shook from the rough impacted when I swept it closed and locked it, finally releasing his collar when I pushed him onto the bed.

"What's wrong with you?"

He protected himself by curling up against the headboard, his arms wrapped around his perched legs. "I don't know what you're talking about. You're probably drunk and imagining things. You are an alcoholic, after all."

I narrowed my eyes on him and took a single step forward. "Where's this coming from, Eren."

But I didn't receive an answer. Instead, Eren yelled out and in the midst of his tantrum, a pillow was soared across the room and I caught it before it hit me directly in the face. Rather than pulling my arms down, I looked back at Eren from behind the side of the pillow in disbelief.

"Get out." Eren said in a groggy whisper as what I believed to be whimpers started stewing in his throat.

"I'm staying until you tell me what's wrong." I sat cross-legged on the end of the bed, visually backing up my claim of stubborn will.

He left me outcasted from the reason behind his actions for twenty minutes. We said nothing more to each other. But we were both thinking the same thing: who would crack first? Would he spit it out, or would I get bored and leave?

I entertained myself by trying to figure out what caused Eren's outburst and his face looked just as thought-provoked as mine. Perhaps he was organizing his own frustrations into the correct words. After failing to determine the problem, I waited for those words eagerly.

Whatever was bugging him, I'd help him find a solution. We don't know each other long, but he already knew a good portion about myself—things no one had the right to know about me, but he did and that made him an exceptional person in my life; it's only fair if he opens up to me as well. If something was bothering him, I'd try to fix it. But he needs to  _tell me_  in order to do that, because there was no way I'd figure it out on my own at this rate. I'm usually sharp with reading people, but I'm lost this time.

Our Christmas together wasn't anything special, but Eren seemed happy up until we departed for the night. Ever since then he hasn't been the same. What could have possibly happened during that short amount of time?

"I saw you."

Eren spit out those words as he rubbed the sniffle from his nose roughly. The simple, vague words sprang me up from my scrunched posture. He calmed down now, it seemed, but I still talked low enough not to rattle him up again. "...You saw what?"

The profile view of his face was thoroughly inspected while I waited for him to finish his half-assed answer; his mouth was tight and agitated, his brows sunk deeper than I ever saw them before. Finally, those teal-green eyes glowed right into mine, and his pending words burned away all my oblivion. "I saw you with Erwin."

I almost shrugged dumbly at him, like I needed further clarification, but then a flutter ran down my chest. Eren's words crashed in my head louder than the hostile bang I heard that interrupted my heated kiss with Erwin.

I crushed my lips together and held my pounding head.

Damnit.

I didn't know whether or not to feel embarrassed or guilty, but another emotion took over entirely with a rise in my voice. "Why the hell are you giving me a hard time over something so stupid? Mind your business, kid, and don't spy on adults anymore."

His mouth dropped, but his teeth soon clenched together as his fist punched the mattress. "You just don't get it, do you?"

"Get what, Eren? Your jealousy? Yeah, I do and I'm telling you to knock it off."

He tried to put up a strong front, he really did and I'll give him credit for that. But his fort he hastily built crumbled and he started crying like a new born baby. "If you  _did_  really get it, you  _wouldn't have_ said that—I have _feelings_  for you and it took a lot to tell you about them. Why didn't you tell me about him when I told you all that stuff? I feel like such an idiot now."

So... I'm getting the third degree by a twelve year old for allowing a boy in the house? Who does he think he is? My father? The kid needed to learn his place. "Get over it. Life is full of disappointments."

"Yes, I'm well- _fucking_ -aware of that—but I guess I was stupid to think you were the only person that _wouldn't_  disappoint me."

"Well you got one thing right, you are stupid. Eren, let me make myself very clear—I would never 'date you'—I don't know what kind of fantasy lies you've been telling yourself, but don't drag me into your imaginative playtime."

He leaped off the bed, his bare foot shuddering a loose board and he looked down to me, his enmity nearly knocking me over. "You are a  _liar."_

A few wide blinks into his enraged eyes later, the emotion had drained from my face.

" _Tch."_ I stood, rising above him so the little shit doesn't get a bigger head than he already has. Maybe I was in a weird mood that night, maybe something regrettable was said—who fucking knows, I barely remember, but I obviously wasn't thinking straight. You can't confess emotional feelings to a guy mourning his friends, it's bound to go sour. Besides, I  _never said_  I'd go steady with a damn twelve year old—that's him twisting my words as usual. I don't have time for his misconceptions.

He's a dumb child who thinks he knows how to read his own feelings—how naïve is he? And how naïve does he think  _I am_? I'm an adult and I still don't understand my own emotions. I've known Erwin for a year now and my feelings still get flipped around a lot—sometimes in the midst of sex, I'll feel more than physical passion for him, but such ideas usually gets discharged along with my load. But Eren thinks he understands his romantic emotions after knowing me for a couple of weeks? Give me a fucking break.

"You said you'd give me a chance."

I bent down to him and mouthed my words clearly. "Yeah, I'd screw around with you _if_  you were older, that's all I said." That's all there was to it, really. If Eren was older, or even if I still knew him in the future I might've fucked around with him just for the sake of a good time, but the way he's pestering on with this domestic fight is giving me second-hand embarrassment—it's as if he's in love with me and has  _the damn right_  to put me in my place like a husband scolding a cheating wife.

He hissed through his teeth, water droplets stuck in his eyes as he put all his anger in his arms and gave me a push—but he didn't move me an inch, which frustrated him more. Instead of hurting me physically, he settled for sharpening his words.

"You're no different than the skanks that hang out on the street corners around here. You're trashy. You should be ashamed of yourself."

". . . . . ."

I bobbed my head, biting hard on the inner wall of my cheek. I slammed the door behind me when I made my silent exit.

"Levi...is everything okay?"

My boiling cup of rage long since tipped over and I grabbed Hanji's front collar; a button or two ripping off in the process. Mikasa had ran past us and into Eren's room just as I opened the front door and shoved her outside like dog. I stepped out to join her after shoving on my shoes and grabbing my coat.

" _Go. Home._ "

She fanned her hands out at me, her brows upturned. "Okay—I will, but seriously are you okay? I wasn't eavesdropping—I didn't catch a word of it but I heard yelling. Is everything all righ—"

"What the fuck did I just say?" If my words didn't do the trick, than my expression did because she backed up the stairs, cautiously away from my fatal atmosphere.

"I'm leaving—see? Just take it easy." With that, she fleetly ditched me before I could yell at her a final time.

Who do these people think they are? That little shit inside thinks he can talk to me like an abusive husband after chugging down too many shots of whiskey, Mikasa keeps sending me dirty looks now, Hanji's being a nosy bitch and Erwin thinks he can control me like I'm his problem child.

Fuck 'em all.

I take back what I said before—being alone would be a  _blessing_. Or less of a headache at least. Speaking of headaches, my skull was throbbing and the gauze did nothing to stop the pain. I yanked off the strip and threw it onto the path, walking over it as I headed to an unknown destination.

" _You're no different than the skanks that hang out on the street corners. You're trashy. You should be ashamed of yourself."_

His whinny words played on repeat in a steady beat, syncing with the pounding in my head. Déjà vu of bad trips in a rowdy clubs came back to me. My vision hazed and my feet stumbled, causing my shoulder to knock into a hard surface. I found support on a wall edging an alley way and I rested my back against the brick, my eyes were soon masked by my palm as I rubbed my temples with the tips of my thumb and middle finger.

Why would he go that far? Why, after all we've shared together, would he  _intentionally_  want to hurt me? Because he doesn't have a chance with me so he's trying to give me a guilt trip about it? Is that why I had to be told off like that?

How selfish.

Even if I was going to give him a chance, or whatever nonsense he kept talking about, does he expect me to wait around until he grows up? If I recall correctly, he's the one who said if I don't fall in 'love', I should give him a chance. Didn't that give me the ticket to test other waters until then?

...I'm stressing out over nothing. A stupid problem child, that's all he was—anything that comes from that mouth doesn't matter. I'd never like him emotionally, and after this, not even physically. Screw him. I help him and his sister out and my thanks was being referred to as a trashy hooker.

Kids today sucked—not that my generation was any better but at least I had the decency not to say  _every_  antagonistic thought that ran through my head. Sure, I might call him a stupid brat time-to-time, but what he said was inexcusable.

At least the truth is out now. For his sake, he better find his father quick because after that scene I want them both gone as soon as possible. I have enough to worry about in my personal life without his unneeded drama and delusions.

I dug for my pack out of my pocket and fumbled around for a match. Once I finally found it, I striked the match against the case and lit my cigarette. The smooth toxin of nicotine instantly unraveled my constricting nerves.

" _Shit. I think I heard someone_."

My brows pulled down at the sudden interruption in the silence. I cornered my eyes in the direction of the muttered voice and whorled around the alley wall—only to see a man leaning against the brick with a younger boy on his knees before him.

The man looked my way with fearful surprise and pushed the boys head away and buttoned his pants, then bolted down the other way of the alley. "D-Don't tell my wife!"

". . . . . . ."

Doesn't take a scientist to read a scene like this.

The boy sent me a sharp glare as he lifted himself off the floor, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he did. "Fuck. That paranoid freak didn't even pay me yet—thanks a lot for scaring him off, asshole."

The kid couldn't have been any older than sixteen but he spoke as if he's a washed up bum. The liquor staining his breath nearly knocked me over even though we were standing no where near each other. He must be new to this—the rookies always need to get drunk before dealing with a customer. When you become a real pro, you have the booze _after_  so you can block it out.

"I'll pay his bill." I dug through my pocket and dished out a few soaring bills. The boy rose a brow at me, looking at the wad carefully like it was a trick before ripping the cash from my hand, counting it a few times.

"...So what do you want? For this amount, I assume it's really sick. Just letting you know, I don't do anything with feet."

"I don't want anything."

I couldn't exactly afford to hand money to a bratty kid—but I couldn't exactly walk away from him and leave him empty handed either. When it comes to turning tricks, one customers payment could make all the difference in survival.

Most would walk pass a boy like this with a curl of their lip and their head placed high like they're something special. But the truth is, there's a lot of people like this that are just trying to get by and make the best out of a bad situation—okay, maybe their not making the  _best_ of it, but at least they put up a fight (even if it's against their pride) and kept themselves alive through any means. Wasn't that suppose to make a person admirable? According to society—no; that notion is forgotten when it comes to the poor and desperate.

Not everyone is blessed with parents to raise them and a home to shelter them from the deadly threats the world offers. Such things are taken for granted and others like to assume if you don't possess such common necessities, you must be worthless scum or a dangerous criminal that deserved what you were handed, or worse, that they  _wanted_  to live this type of lifestyle through choice. But they have it all wrong. There's never a choice.

People like this are completely harmless and never asked to be born into this rotten world and live the shitty life given to them. Sure, a few of them are junkies and made morally wrong mistakes—but that's a result of living this type of lifestyle. They can't be wholly blamed for their actions.

It's human nature to desire and when simple needs such as a roof over your head, a job and having food in your stomach isn't met, the brain tries to cope—for some, that could mean coping through substance or desperate rebellion.

Washing down your dignity takes more of a toll on your soul than it may seem. To get through all the guilt and shame, some people turn to drinking, drugs, violence or even self-harm. It's a rough world out there for those who have zero support—no one to hold them up or tell them everything will be okay in the end. It makes you wonder if all the pain you're going through is even worth it. Will I overcome this hurdle if I undergo enough misery? Or will I live a miserable life and remain the same piece of trash I lived as until I die? You get those days were you think, "What's the point?".

Usually thoughts like this can't be quieted. Many take their lives to make the feeling of hopelessness diminish at long last—but some press on and turn those distracting thoughts off by illegal means.

I think people like that, people like this boy in front of me, are strong. I may have never received a free break like the one I just handed him, but everyone needs to have a reminder at one point that the entire population within these walls don't all suck, no matter how convincing it seems otherwise. Even I received that reminder.

I know all of this because I myself was in his kids tattered shoes at one point—giving sex for money just so I could eat and living out on the street during the unforgiving winter. It's a rough life that many of the fortunate folks will never understand. Those same people, as lucky as they (don't know they) are, form a wrong opinion about the people they call scum for lack of a better understanding.

Most of the time, while out on the street and dealing with clients, I would get strangled by them, have a knife put to my neck or they would refuse to pay. As if people like us weren't disrespected enough, we also have to go through shit like that daily—and for what? To live in a world filled with people like that?

It was a conflicting occupation.

I was just a small, vulnerable orphan back then. There wasn't much I could do when such scenarios took place. I'd just cut my losses and call it a night. I knew a good deal of knowledge about protecting myself and fighting thanks to my father, which saved my ass from getting killed on many accounts, but taking on grown men in a dark alley ways without backup was too risky for the change I was given for the exchange of my body. My combat methods were only used in life-or-death situations, and there were  _plenty_  of those.

So many people had to resort to this lifestyle—I met a lot of decent people who have or still are caught up with the business and it was a damn shame.

I wondered when this kid started—I know I started around his age, or maybe a little younger. I was fifteen when I had enough of sitting on my ass begging on the streets all day just to collect a few coins. Thinking back to it, it was disgusting how many adults could pass up a homeless, starving child, but that's besides the point. I just lost it one day and I found the balls to steal a woman's purse and you know what? While the money lasted I lived good for the first time in _years_. Being good got me no where, but being bad gave me rewards. Life wasn't easier this way, but at least I wasn't living off of literal garbage anymore.

The first night I tried prostitution—I was so confident. I thought I had that shit in the bag, like it would be the easiest gig in the world.

My virginity was lost by a nameless man on the side of a dumpster and I was given ten bucks for it. It should also be noted that I did not know how sex worked at the time. I was a sheltered child with religious parents. I had no idea. I thought sex meant kissing and mutual handjobs.

It goes without saying that I was welcomed with a painful surprise.

I realized my mistake, but it was too late. He didn't stop. It didn't matter how much I begged. I'm not the sentimental type—the significance people held for losing their virginity to someone special is a meaningless concept to me—but at the time, I was a child. A child who previously saw my future unfolding differently. I went from living as a carefree, happy kid with my parents to seeing them get eaten alive. Then I went on to fend for myself on the dangerous streets to having my body used in ways I didn't understand countless times by monstrous strangers.

After that first time, I went through a far range of emotions but the one that was most potent was shame. I had a total breakdown after that. All these phobias and anxieties started piling up and this lingering fear that my parents hated me kept haunting my every conscious hour. The only time I got break from this damaging state was when I slept, but it wasn't any better. The same scene of the day outside the wall repeated nightly. I'd wake up alone, screaming in a dark, cold alley way, begging for my mother to come rushing to my side to pet my hair as she always did after a nightmare.

After much suffering and thought, I decided to kill myself.

It was over so many reasons. I was tired, cold and starving. I was sick in too many ways to list. I wanted to be away from everyone who hurt me. I wanted to feel no more pain. I wanted my brain to shut down. I wanted to see my parents and apologize. I wanted to fly.

I went up to the bell tower and enjoyed the wind whisking through my hair for the last time before I removed my foot off the platform and readied myself to jump. I nearly pissed myself. I was terrified. But I told myself everything would be right again once I earned my wings and saw my parents again.

That's when I was grabbed by two warm hands belonging to a boy and girl my age who were previously stargazing on the rooftop. These people, in time, turned out to be the kindest people I ever met. Up until that moment, everyone was so nasty to me—and that was before I became the asshole I am today. When I was a kid I was tormented by others my age and as a teenager I was abused by adults. After my parents died I felt there was no one left in the world who would ever care about me again, so naturally I wanted to be with my mother and father—but these people showed me that life was actually worth living so long as you had at least one person at your side. It was a valuable lesson and it saved my life.

It wasn't like the stars aligned that night and every problem was fixed the moment we met like some kind of fairy tale encounter—we were all still poor on the streets, but one thing for me did change: I had people looking out for me and I had people to protect—a task I felt I couldn't achieve after losing my parents, but my guilt subsisted when I was able to help the only two people left at my side that cared about me. It was a satisfying feeling—I had a lot of feelings at the time. I was no longer as numb and empty as I was before.

Of course, these people weren't saviors; they weren't perfect. They had their own methods of coping with it all. One of them relieved their ache through self-harm; anything from cutting to burning her skin or purposely involving herself in brawls. The other would vandalize constantly—like it was a compulsion to slowly destroy the ugly world around him. As for myself, I began drinking heavily. Funny how I say I  _began_  because usually that would imply there was an end, but there wasn't ever an ending from the addiction, even to this very day.

Well hell, looks like Eren was right. I am just an alcoholic skank who should be ashamed of myself. I still didn't need to hear the obvious, though.

We did all this because we still had to lose our pride to get by, but afterward we would comfort each other because we always felt shitty after meeting with a customer. We never judged each other and we tried our best to cheer each other up for what we were forced to go through to earn money.

We'd bundle up close to keep each other warm in the winter and drank and sang the summers away. As we grew into adults, we became stronger and we finally retired from prostitution and promoted ourselves. We started robbing the perverted bastards blind. This was also around the time we started getting into drug trafficking and after all those years of struggling we combined all our earnings and managed to finally get a roof over our heads.

It took all our pride, dignity, a toll on our bodies and forever tainted our soul to get that far, but we made it together. We were still standing and were off the streets, living pretty damn decently compared to the latter if I say so myself.

They were by my side for a decade. Always looking out for me and just like that, they were gone from my life. I was alone again—like when I lost my parents. I felt lost like I did when I was a child. The night I met them, they talked me out of going to heaven but I still earned my two wings because they kept me hovering above the ground.

Those wings have been plucked now and it takes all the effort I have not fall. If I did, I wouldn't have them to rescue me this time.

**~x~**

After cooling off my temper by wandering around town, I somehow arrived at Hanji's house. Unintentionally, I might add.

Even I'll admit I was pretty harsh on her earlier—she helped me out not only by stitching me up after my moronic mistake, but she also shared everything she knew about my friends. I was just so angry at Eren and couldn't say what I really wanted to say to him (he'd likely not understand such language) so I took it out on her.

I stood under her bedroom window, looking up at the dim glow coming from beyond the glass; all I could see is the ceiling from this angle.

Underneath my feet there was traces of blood staining the concrete. My blood—its gotta be. It's doubtfully common for people to line up at Hanji's window and fall three stories and knock their head—although she did have nice tits, so maybe it was common.

Then a rather helpful thought came through my head, one I was glad I had before returning home and remembering later. It saved me a trip.

The reason I was able to met Hanji in the first place was because I was at her bedroom window in my  _Maneuver Gear_. Alas, my gear did not make it for the trip back to my house. It must still be held up in there.

The thought of knocking on the front door and being greeted by a family member had a big NO written all over it, so I settled for pinching a pebble off the ground and throwing it up to the window.

". . . . . ."

I picked up a few more and piled them in my palm. I threw another. And another. The window shutters whooshed open and a head popped out. I threw another.

"Hey! Who threw that?!" The pebble had bounced right off the lens of her glasses.

"It was an accident." It was completely intentional to hit her with that pebble but she doesn't need to know that.

She bent over the ledge and adjusted her glasses. A few blinks later she lit up with an open smile.

"Levi! Hi! Did you come to my window for another gander at my chest~?" She propped an elbow up on the ledge friskily as she winked down at me.

"I rather save the offer for when I can get a closer look—I'd need my gear for that, though."

"Oh, right, right! I completely forgot! Meet me at the front door, I'll let you in."

She shut the windows swiftly before I could say another word. She didn't seem upset at me or anything, which was a relief because if she was, I'd probably have to apologize and that wouldn't be a pleasant experience for all involved, especially me—actually,  _only_  me.

I loped over to the front door and held myself up to the pillar holding up the roof. Not long after I heard heavy stomps and the sound of the door unlatching.

"How's it going?" She greeted me as if we hadn't spoken a few seconds prior. She was wrapped in a long yellow robe and I just noticed her hair was down, dripping from the shower. Before I could answer the small talk, she perked up and pulled me inside.

What the hell?

She looked at me strictly, closely, too close. Well, at least she was clean—I'm assuming she just took her yearly shower. This was the only time I'd allow this to happen until next year.

"Don't tell me—that you're going to the North District."

"...I was thinking about it. Why?" I wasn't actually considering it, but remembering that the task was suppose to get done yesterday, I figured, why not? The burden could have been lifted from me by now, but I'll make up for yesterday's lost time tonight.

"Levi, please don't. Your head still isn't healed. Besides, it's too dangerous for you to go alone. They're blood-thirsty dogs over there! What would happen if you didn't return? What would happen to those kids?"

An annoyed spasm conquered the muscles of my face briefly, but I shook her off and moved aside in favor of leaning against the wall. "You can't stop me. I have to do this, I told you why last night."

She closed her lip tight, cornering her flaring eyes off me. "Fine then. I guess you leave me with no choice. I'm coming with you." Hanji said casually and then twirled around to face the stairs, droplets raining off her hair as she did.

"—What?" I laughed, minus the smile and turned her back around with a pull of her shoulder.

"I can't stop you so I can at least help you. Don't try to talk me out of it, I already made up my mind and that means there's no turning back!"

"Then I'll leave before you get dressed."

She smirked.

I already knew why.

"Good luck getting around without your gear~"

This bitch is holding my Maneuver Gear hostage? Really? I thought she was smarter than that—but fuck, she got me. Maybe it really was a clever tactic because I was a fish without gills if I didn't have my gear in the side of town.

"I'm not going to be your body guard and I don't need another death other my head."

"Relax—I can hold my own. No need to protect me. Besides, I'm not going only for you. I'd love to study the human behavior of such wild crime lords~" she cupped her hands together like a maiden who found her prince. She really did get off on this science-y shit, didn't she?

"You'll just slow me down. The point of the gear is to get around unnoticed and flee from trouble. Not waltz with you down on the streets. That's just being suicidal."

Her hip popped out and her hand rested on it. "Want to know what my father did before he opened up this morgue?"

"I'm not interes—"

"I'll tell you!" Her face drew close again, I heaved back, my nose scrunching. "He was in the Survey Corps." Her voice suddenly dipped into what I could only describe as a seductive purr. " _Oh Levi—_ it was wonderful. He would tell me all about the Titans and—"

"What does this have to do with anything? You're wasting my time."

She gave a motherly scoff. "It means I have access to my fathers retired gear. They got full tanks and they're screaming to stretch their legs again!"

I folded my arms. Why was I even having this conversation with her? In the end, I'd just end up going alone anyway. "Okay. But do you know how to actually use it?"

A smile was pasted on Hanji's lips as she waved her hand faintly, turning toward the stairs. "Eh, I'll figure it out along the way. I'll be back in a flash—let me get changed and strap up." She climbed the steps and called down to me once she was out of my visual range. "Don't you go peeking on me, heh~"

This obnoxious woman is going to be the death of me.

I wasn't waiting for her. I was waiting to be handed my gear so I could get on with my trip alone. I was left idling in her living room with nothing to do other than awkwardly check out the place. After scanning over family heirlooms and knick-knacks, I turned to face a large wall themed white and blue. The display was made up of hundreds of Wings of Freedom patches—the crest of the Survey Corps.

Under each piece of material was a strip with a name. I stepped closer to read them. I must have read thirty of them by the time Hanji presented herself on the stairs, resting over the banister.

"They all belonged to the men my father fought with who unfortunately weren't lucky enough to join him in retirement. He held onto all their patches and made this memorial to honor their memory."

I nodded to her and turned back around, re-reading a few of the peculiar names again. "It's admirable he'd do something like this for his men." I couldn't believe my thoughts were formed into words, but there was something to be admired about those who honored their comrades memories.

"Anyway—here's your stuff." I finally regarded her properly. The 3D Maneuver Gear that was attached to her hips weren't as pristine as mine—it looked like an older model that went though a severe beating. But the condition still looked well enough to run.

As she adjusted a few of her own straps, I buckled up mine. After everything was in place and I was making my final adjustments, I spoke out slowly as I glanced at the memorial. "After seeing all this—aren't you afraid to join the Survey Corps? All these men and women would be alive right now if they didn't sign up."

She did something I didn't anticipate. She smiled. "Of course I'm afraid. I'm terrified. But I knew a lot of those soldiers and if people don't replace them, their hard work will be in vain. I want to see humanity win—and of course I plan to use the authority for going outside for my own pleasure, but above all I just want to explore the mysteries beyond these walls. I want to help make the place safe for everyone so one day, they too can explore."

"Can't say I agree with everything you said, but that's a good answer." I could tell already her words were going to stick with me for the long run. There was no need to store them away for future reference when they were already imprinted in my mind.

"...Can I ask you something? A warning in advance, it might seem rude."

"Whether you're rude or not you still bother me, so shoot."

She laughed. This just came to me, but it was actually enjoyable to be around someone who didn't get insulted by every word I spoke for a change. This dirty woman is growing on me like a moldy fungus.

"I wanted to ask why you're so fixated on that wall—did you happen to know someone in the Survey Corps? If it's personal, you don't have to tell me."

Unprepared for the question, I took several long moments to find an answer because  _I_  didn't even know why I kept regarding the wall so much like it was a damn magnet. "...I have a strange relationship with the Survey Corps. I keep being told to join, but in all honesty I don't want to. I hold respect to those who fight, but it's just not for me."

I didn't know why I was laying out my business and putting myself out in the open for more personal questions, but something about this woman was just _so damn_  harmless, like a lost puppy that wanted attention. And when I say harmless, I'm excluding the fact she's a psychotic scientist that got off on monsters. Even so, I didn't hate her (which was saying a lot, I literally couldn't stand anyone). It's not every day I meet someone I could endure being present with. In addition to that, she mutually tolerate my personality as well, so why not take advantage of this chance encounter?

"Someone recruited you? If you don't mind my asking, who?"

I flicked my gaze on her, giving an unintentional harsh stare. "Erwin Smith."

"The  _Commander_? No way... That's an honor—he must see a lot of potential in you. I'd go for it, if I were you."

I tsked and rolled my eyes away, but she wasn't finished. Hanji had more to say. "...But when it comes down to it, it's not my choice. Or Erwin's. It's  _yours_."

A choice. I don't get many of those. Usually the only path given to me was cruddy and difficult, but for  _once_  I had the choice to steer clear of that. Yes. It  _is_  my choice. That's why I don't have to listen to Erwin or Eren telling me what's the right thing to do. When I'm given the rare chance to choose my own faith, I want to pick the one I will regret the least in the end. That's why I refuse to become Titan food.

But sometimes, I can't help but wonder if my life is really better off staying as it is.

Now was hardly the time to get into such trivial matters. I certainly am in a mercurial mood tonight. I better stop while I'm ahead—this poorly constructed state of mind will end up getting me killed tonight if it continues.

After giving my final respects to the wall for a while longer, I stepped at an angle to Hanji. I could hardly believe what I was about to say.

"You ready?"

Thrilled, she granted me a thumbs-up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The main reason I brought Hanji into the story earlier than I planned was because Levi really needed a buddy. His relationship with Erwin is complicated and Eren and Mikasa are just kids. He really needed someone close to his own age to help him loosen up a little and Hanji's perfect for that role. Even in canon he seems more playful with her than anyone else. What I'm trying to say: expect a lot of Hanji x Levi ~besties4life~ moments. :3


	14. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the midst of seeking information, Levi has a raging encounter. Him and Hanji are then put in a tight spot, literally. After some bonding, they work together to escape.

The sun had long since set under the wall, but the brisk night was still young. The level below harbored Wall Sina's residents roaming the streets, though in few numbers. Late workers (or drunks) returning to their families and Military Police making their rounds animated the pavement beneath. I loured the lower levels, waiting for our chance to move unnoticed off the roof of Hanji's home.

"Can we go yet~?"

"I told you to be quiet."

"Yeah, and I  _was_  for ten whole minutes. But Levi, we're going to end up staying here all night if we don't get going soon."

Waiting for a clear path was necessary, not a mere gratuitous constitute of paranoia. We needed a route where no one would notice our travelings on our Maneuver Gear and the activity below told me it was much too early to be moving around freely without care. If the Military Police were to pursuit us, it would be tricky to lose them, especially with this amateur tagging along with me. Therefore, extra precaution must be taken. Other times when I was daring enough to use my gear, I would use it at the dead of night to avoid this current problem, but after setting my mind on going to the North District after my first failed attempt, there was no way I'd patiently stare at the clock until a later time.

"Look! There's no one around!" Hanji presented the entire city with expanding arms to back up her claim.

"Look up the road." I was referring to the two vaguely outlined figures walking in the distance.

She coiled her neck with a raring groan, like she was an impatient child waiting for the oven timer to ding so she could indulge in homemade sweets. With a quick adjustment of her glasses, she huffed. "Well, have fun sitting up here all night—we'll meet up at the entrance!"

My head whirled at the blur dashing past. "Hanji—wait!" With her legs moving too fast to be halted with words, she leaped off the roof.

My heart stalled in a beat and only started pumping again when a line fired out of her gear and secured onto the building across the street. With an echoing "Yahoo~!" she cruised into the distance. I grid my teeth and reluctantly drew my wire, belatedly matching the same fuming pattern as her as we swung above the streets.

Hanji was either an extremely dumb person who got lucky, or she was an exceptionally fast learner and more physically inclined than she appears. Maneuver Gear is not a tool to use lightly; one wrong move and you'll fall to your death. But the way Hanji sailed with exact precision made me believe I was witnessing a professionally trained soldier. Though, it should be noted that she handled the gear negligently; the gawky way she navigated from point-to-point was anything but smooth and better to be described as a bumpy ride than anything. In spite of this, Hanji remained safe during the rocky pace and thanks to keeping with her speed, we both arrived on the other side of town rather quickly.

Fretfulness pressed against me, for I was too busy keeping an eye out for Hanji— watching her every move to ensure her safety—that I completely abandoned my duty of observing my surroundings. When we landed on a roof for a breather, I skimmed the area.

Completely desolate. Perhaps no one saw us or bothered chasing after us. We were near the decrepit gate of the North District now—it was directly in my sight. If someone did spot us, they likely stopped pursuing once coming within a few meters of this place. No sane person is absurd enough to come near this area—with the exception of Hanji and myself. Even if I was idiotic for coming here, it's a personal accomplishment to finally make it this far after holding it off for so long.

Hanji sagged herself against a chimney, arms folded as she hooked me with a glare after she removed her sight from the gate. "I won't lie, I'm nervous about going in there with you."

"Then don't. Go home." I miffed. "With the way you control your gear, you shouldn't have much trouble getting back by yourself. This is  _my_  problem, so I'd prefer if you left it up to me."

Her shoulders stiffened belligerently. " _No_ , you misunderstood. I'm not saying I don't want to go because I'm scared of the derelicts in there—I'm afraid of what's going to happen to  _you_."

I regarded her face-on with a sinking brow. "...What are you implying?"

Her lips pressed together as she looked up at the stars above us, that were barely visible due to the fog dwelling in the air. "What do you plan on doing when you see this Maverick character, hmm?"

"I'm going to kill him." I didn't skip a beat.

"Exactly!" She flailed her arms. "Then what? You'll either die trying or end up in jail. I don't want to see that happen."

"Tch." I rolled my eyes off her. I wasn't an optimistic person to begin with, but hearing that come out of _her_  mouth left me nearly discouraged. "Then you shouldn't have come. Don't try to dissuade me—you  _knew_  what you were getting into. Besides, why do you care what happens to me? You barely know me."

She shoved herself off the brick and approached me with a face that suggested that she believed  _I'm_  being the unreasonable one here. "We're friends now. And I care about what happens to my friends."

A dry chortle vibrated in my throat. Let's humor her. "Oho, I see. Would you rather make friendship bracelets together and talk about boys?"

"Yes! I would!" Those thin brows drooped along with her chin, her fingers piddling together. "At least you'd be safe..."

I walked past her, her gaze following me as I reached the ledge. I stared down at the tip of my boots hovering off the edge and tried to measure the fatal height between myself and the pavement below. The blistering wind riled up my hair and stung my nose, which was currently whiffing the rotten stench of this side out town.

"If you consider me a friend and you don't want to see me get hurt, then you should know I  _have_  to do this. My friends got killed because I didn't protect them, even after all the times they saved my life. It's the least I can do."

I didn't look back at Hanji, but I heard feet pattering up close behind until I felt her chest pressed up against my back. Her consoling hands cupped my shoulders and I didn't brush her grimy fingers off me this time.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think of it like that." There was a long stall before she spoke again, but it was anything but silent; both our minds were clamoring. "I didn't know your friends while they were alive, but I know they cared about you—and that's why I'm hereby applying as a substitute to protect you in their absence. I'll make sure you get your objective finished without any consequences."

I tried to blink the disbelief out of my eyes. I bet they...appreciate her saying that.

If they were alive, they definitively would have liked Hanji. Hell, me simply  _tolerating_  her meant they would have _loved_ her. A gravitational tug lifted my cheeks; the area around my eyes reposed. What an unusual feeling.

But the warm sensation invading me dispensed when two budging eyes crawled into my peripheral vision. "Whoa—did you just  _smile_?"

"No." Pokerfaced, the denial fired out like a missile.

"Yes. You. Did!"

I scowled. And to think I almost accepted this shitty-glasses as a part of my crew. Thinking of what she said before, she was hardly in a position to predict the future and be so sure about the outcome, but I wouldn't argue with those words because they gave me the motivational boost I needed to take a steep step forward.

"Ah—Levi! Wait for me~!"

With the wire hooked, I swooped down; the heels of my boots scraping the cobble stones as I turned a sharp right and flew over the rusted gates.

**~x~**

Here we are at the first stop of our tour. If you look to your left, you'll see the ruins of what once was a large boarding complex. We didn't have time to admire the  _fascinating_  architecture of the crumbling, moldy building because sightseeing would hold us outside, and what must be avoided at all cost was remaining on the ground floor too long.

With no need for mannerisms, I kicked the weathered door open after deciding against touching the disease ridden knob; the door nearly fell off the hinge from the impact of my boot.

Hanji was hovering close to my back as we crept inside; she was close enough that I could feel her rancid breath down my neck. I couldn't tell if she was terrified by the interiors long, dark corridor ahead of us or if she was hyperventilating from that creepy anticipation she often displayed. I was disinclined to turn around and find out which each either was currently the case.

I never filled Hanji in on why we were in this place in particular, mainly because I found little need to explain myself, but currently we were in a building infamous for housing junkies.

We entered what once was a living room that seen better days; now the room was just the empty shell of what it once was. The place looked to have underwent a massive fire at one point, and you couldn't take one step without your foot landing in rat shit or glass syringes. Silently warning Hanji with a point of my finger of the holes in the flooring, we mazed passed them safely and entered a dinning room where a worn wooden table sat with a stained mattress on top of it.

I paid no mind to the knocked-out junkies sprawled out on the grungy tiles with needles hanging out of their arms because the first sight I caught was the body nestled on the bed. Nearly drowning in his own drool was my ex-crew member who now self-promoted himself to a washed up information broker.

"Oi." I kicked one of the legs of the table—it shimmered and I half expected the thing to crumble, but the quake only managed to shake the sleeping man out of a dream, but not out of his slumber.

" _Oi._ " I said once more, the sharper tone drumming into his ear—but to no avail. I snuffed the toxic perfume floating in the air; letting the stench loiter in my lungs before picking up a nearby beer bottle. The remaining warm liquid forgotten in the bottle was poured over the man's face.

He hissed like a drowning cat; tossing his head side to side before wiping his face with both palms. His crusty eyes squinted on me.

"... _Levi_?" He blinked, then snorted. "Nah. Can't be—I must be tripping still. I'm seeing little fucking leprechauns and shit."

I smashed the bottle over his head.

Gasping, he vigorously ruffled his blood-stained hair. "What the  _fuck_ was that for?" He muttered curses under his breath as he picked the glass out of his scalp.

"I need your help."

"And  _this_  is your hello? Pft, nice to see  _you_  haven't changed."

"Can't say the same for you—you look shittier than you did before." It was a disappointment, really, because I immediately wondered if he was in any condition to help me now; he didn't look as reliable as he used to. I refuse to make this trip a waste, though. Even if he can't help me, I'll find another way to track that prick down.

He propped up, giving a smirk with his arms held open welcomely. "Well, I'm officially open for business. What can I do for ya'?"

"I need to know Maverick's whereabouts."

His brows perked up along with the corners of his lips. That cue alone cleared any uncertainties; he knew  _exactly_ where he was. "And  _I need_  a little pick-me-up to get my memory going."

You don't go looking for information empty handed, but that's exactly what I did. I came unprepared. "Tell me what you want and I'll get it."

"I want the good stuff."

I hummed questionably. "Define  _'good stuff'_."

"Come on, you know. Everyone knows, hell, everyone is  _on it_."

"Excuse me for being late on junkie trends. Fill me in."

"Titanium."

"...What the hell is that?"

He glared at me speculatively. "Come on—you really don't know?"

"No." I wasn't an addict anymore, that phase has long since passed. I only sold the basic shit—not recently, but when traffic was busy. If something new and exciting was on the market, it's no wonder my sales plummeted. "Where can I find it?"

"Check the underground city." He sniffed. "There's a few dealers down there. The shits expensive, just giving you a heads up."

I clicked my tongue. Not only was it troublesome to track down a drug, but I had next to no money on me due to handing a good portion of it to that kid back in the alley. Looks like it's time to improvise.

"Got it—Hanji, let's go."

Just as she was rising from poking at an unconscious (or dead) man in amazement, I walked past her. With a wide skyward stretch, she caught up to my pace. "Where we headed to next?"

"Didn't you hear him? We need to score some of this Titanium shit." She must have not been paying attention to the exchange—too busy observing and taking notes on the natural habitat of junkies, probably.

Upon exiting the dingy den, we took refuge on the roof and planted ourselves there for a while to give us time to cogitate without any dirtbags meddling in our affairs.

"Do you have any money on you?" I perched down as I asked. Hanji perked up and pointed to the middle of her chest, as if there were others up here that I could be referring to. I nodded in verification.

"No...I left all my money home. I didn't think I'd need it."

"What a bother."

"We can always head back quick and—"

"No. That will take too long." I stood, readying my trigger. "We'll figure something out once we reach the underground."

"...You aren't going to do anything illegal, right?"

I drew my line and sailed away and I didn't speak another word until we arrived in the underground. Hanji and I made our way through the bustling late-activity. Refugees from the Shiganshina District and criminals idled every corner; their pale, sickly faces zooming in on us as we loped. Judging by how occupied the streets were had me wondering if the rats down here even knew what time it was. Due to the fact that this pit is virgin to the sky, the importance of time likely holds little meaning down here.

Presence around us became scarce and we soon found ourselves at a dead end with only ourselves as each others company. Unlike the lit up markets and stands, this side of the city looked to have retired for the evening. Hanji followed my lead as I hooked up to the roof and unbuckled my straps; kneeling to prop up the load from my hips down on the shingles.

"This seems like a pretty quiet area—we'll leave our gear up here and come back for it later."

We set our gear besides each other and climbed down a ladder onto the ground floor. While above ground, it was easy to forget just how utterly dark this perdition city could get, especially in inactive areas like this where all source of artificial lighting was off. If it wasn't for a few crystals glowing dimly above, I wouldn't be able to see my hand in front of me.

Removing my gaze from the mineral ceiling, I swallowed thickly and ran a finger beneath my collar. "Let's make this quick. I would hate to prolong my stay here longer than it needs to be." I said as I painted the floor with my gaze.

"Whatcha lookin' for, Levi?"

"...Something heavy."

Hanji just boggled at me quietly and I bent to pick up a nearby brick. This should work.

Juggling the block between my hands, I trotted over to a large glass window belonging to a crooked pawn shop. Coltishly, I tossed the brick into my hand a final time before cracking it over the glass. The crevices dispersed out like a spider web and finally shattered.

"DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST—!"

Ignoring Hanji's astonishment, I swiftly mounted the window ledge and swiveled to the other side; the shards of glass crunched under my boots as I landed inside.

" _Levi! What the hell? Give a little warning next time!_ " She screamed in a whisper, but it was highly unnecessary to keep her voice down. For one, she already shouted loud enough to attract anyone within a mile radius before, but given the fact this area was practically closed down for the evening, there wasn't any need to worry so long as we were quick.

In all honestly, I just wasn't used to explaining every action I displayed, so confusing Hanji wasn't apart of my plan, but nonetheless still amusing. Breezing past the aisles of the shop, I hoped over the counter and dove into the register. Grabbing all what my hands could carry, I leisurely returned to Hanji, who was frozen in a daze.

"Did you just—?!"

"—rob a shop? Yeah." I shrugged it off and fanned the wad for display. "Think this is enough?"

"I think that's enough to buy the kings crown..."

"Perfect." I walked, she followed clumsily. Due to Hanji's jaw stuck on the ground, I previously thought the silence wouldn't be shattered, but it was broken by a sonic blast.

"AHHHH! You just made me your accomplice!" She nearly ripped her hair out of her scalp, then aided the self-inflicted injury my rubbing profusely at her head in frustration. "How am I going to join the Survey Corps if I get arrested?! Huh? HUH? All my dreams are destroyed!".

A dry, derisive glare was fired. "They're desperate. They would take in  _anyone_  who's dumb enough to join."

"That's besides the point!"

_That's exactly the point._

After stuffing the cash in my pocket, I turned to her at an angle. "You knew what you were getting into. If you want to leave, by all means be my guest."

Her head dangled low as a bead of nerves ascended down her cheek. "I promised to keep an eye on you and I don't break promises."

I waved my head away, my mouth groaning in annoyance as I continued walking. "Then shut up already—Geez, this sentimental garbage you keep force-feeding me is making me want to gag."

One side of her lip perked up as she leaned beside me in a matching stride. "You're a classy man, Levi."

"Don't I know it."

Our path was lit more with every step as we tracked back to the active city square that never slept. Wordlessly, Hanji and I kept our eyes peeled—knowing exactly what we were scouting for.

"That guy over there looks shady. Maybe he knows where to get some."

I stared at the man Hanji pointed at but quickly searched elsewhere. "Not twitchy enough, he's likely just homeless. The traits you should be looking out for is along the lines of paranoia."

Finding a dealer shouldn't be hard enough down here—this is where a lot of drug transactions took place. But looking for a dealer that held a specific brand in this mess of shitty derelicts would be a little tougher to track down, but not impossible.

"Maybe we should split up." Hanji, rather hopelessly, looked down at me with an optimistic shrug.

"Weren't you the one calling me suicidal for wanting to go to the North District alone? This area might not be as dangerous, but you're still a woman with no means of protecting yourself around a bunch of rotten thugs."

My eyes rounded. I erected tensely. This woman had just smacked me repeatedly in the middle of my back as she laughed confidently.

"Don't be sexist—being a woman has nothing to do with it! I can handle myself. Besides, I'm no stranger to this side of town. I'm an unauthorized scientist, where do you think I get all my supplies?"

"I'll shove those fancy supplies of yours  _up your ass_  if you ever touch me like that again."

"You're the grumpiest man I ever met, you know."

I didn't like the idea of splitting up one bit; in fact it left an unsettling feeling in my gut, but it would be wisest to cover more ground and get this over with so we could get out of here quicker. Plus, she did say she was familiar with the area.

"Fuck it, lets do it. Take my knife with you as a precaution." I held the blade and offered her the handle.

"No need. I have my own way of protecting myself." My brow spiked as she bent down and rolled up her pant sleeve. Recovering with a snap, she presented a tiny vile from her boot with a spray cap attached.

Did she not hear of the marvelous invention called _pockets_  yet?

"...What is that? Mace? That won't stop a group of whackjobs for long."

"It's not mace. It's a chemical similar to acid—I created the mixture myself."

"...What." I repeated her words internally and shook my head. "Wait. Why do you carry  _acid_  around with you?"

"For protection—this is just a little more deleterious than mace so I prefer it."

I scrunched my bottom lip up, nodding in approval. "Not bad, Hanji. Not bad."

Pleased with my praise, her cheeks rose high with a big smirk. Putting her hands behind her, she swung playfully back and forth with a wink. "Told ya'. I have more tricks up my sleeves than you think."

I sighed in response and searched for a landmark. "I'll meet you at that bar across the street in twenty minutes. If you find a seller, bring him back there and we'll make the exchange there."

"You got it! I bet I can find one before you can—wanna bet on it?" She balled her fist in excitement, her eyes glossing playfully.

Did she really just make a contest out of finding a drug dealer? I don't think I'll ever understand her idea of fun. "Just get to work, shitty-glasses."

"Who died and made you captain—hey, don't you walk away when I'm still speaking!"

She's more trouble than she's worth, but overall she isn't terrible company to have—but now was hardly the time to profile that crazy woman back there. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I set my pace and eyeballed every face that I passed. The towering figures all became a blur after a while and when fifteen minutes passed with no luck, I needed a break from the swirling film coating my dizzy vision.

I pressed my back against the railing of a stoop and focused on my breathing. Fuck—I sure do hate coming down here. The air is tight. Under these stuffy conditions, it's nearly impossible to breath or let sweat escape your pores. I pulled roughly on my smothering collar once more, this time, a few buttons popped off.

"Shit." My foot, that was previously propped up on the rail gave me the push I needed to head forward. I bent down to pick one of the buttons up, telling myself I'd repair the shirt later—for now, I'd have to settle for half my chest sticking out, but at least I was able to breath a little better.

Searching for the last one that rolled away from me, I somehow ended up flowing right into a conversation nearby between two bums, one I wasn't very interested in until I caught onto an important snip of it.

"He's winning pretty big at poker down at the bar, I hear. But I expect nothing less from the North's leader!"

I blinked once or twice in review, then ruptured back into the street with a heavy stomp. As if I wasn't boiling enough from being trapped in this pit of hell, I became scorched when I tracked through the streets, pushing every peasant out of my way as I did. My brows sunk into my redden vision and my teeth clenched so tightly that my gums pulsated, sending that throb throughout my entire body and into my balled fists swaying beside my hips.

There was no doubt that he was here. Right now—sharing this filthy cave with me. No wonder the air smelled so foul; I should have detected it was his disgusting scent from the start.

"Ah, there you are, Levi! Over here!" Hanji called with a wave. "I found a guy—he wouldn't tell me his name so I named him Tim, hehe! ...Um—Levi?"

I stampeded between Hanji and the dealer and thrusted the double doors of the bar open.

My body cut through the thick tobacco smoke filling the room as I thrashed forward; I accelerated my gait, but time around me entered a slow interval, like I was struggling with all my might through quicksand.

A fan made up of cards was spread-out under a wicked smirk, which was matched by the pair of eyes side-glancing me.

Maverick was sitting mere feet from me; exposed and free from any barrier. He saw me and I saw him. Unlike me, he wasn't moving a muscle. My boots lumbered heavily on the wooden boards. My fist balled until my knuckles turned white. Those eyes on me did no more than blink when I stirred up the slow current of the bars atmosphere by lunging forward, my dagger swiftly drawn with an iron grip.

Poker chips and cards rained down along with this crooked bastards dead weight that now resided underneath me—his Adam's apple centimeters from my thirsty blade. As he held back my wrist, his smile never faded, which charged my strength further.

My eyes protruded; my body stimulated from being so close to my peek. A blood vessel popped from how much force I was putting into my dagger; my veins filled with the lust for his split blood.

But his strength equaled mine. It was a stalemate.

Due to the uproar around us, I barely made out what was said when those smirking lips started to moved, but they rounded every syllable smoothly enough to be read. "Hello, Levi. Nice to see you."

Clenching my teeth; beads of sweat dripped from my forehead. Memories resurfaced. I saw my friends. I saw my dark days as a member of his crew. I saw my parents. I saw so many things in this stalled second. I wasn't even breathing at this point. All the strength I could muster was charged into my arm.

I'll kill him.

I'm going to kill him right here.

But something horrible happened before I could. I was seized from my target.

Restrained, I writhed between the two larger man holding me. It was safe to assume these were Maverick's bodyguards. In an attempt to free myself, I kicked, spit and cursed. It did nothing. I now knew how it felt to be a chained up beast only inches away from its natural prey. The chase was over, but my deranged hunger has yet to be quelled.

How fucking tantalizing.

I desired nothing but the sight of his blood and the light dimming from his eyes. My wish is in reach and yet—

Maverick picked himself off the floor, brushing himself off casually. He daringly came in close to me and my eyes dilated at the pleasurable thought of him no longer breathing.

"Ah—I see now." He backed up and stuffed his hands in his pockets with an understanding nod, as if he figure out the entire situation. "You must have tried that new Titanium shit. Makes you nuts, doesn't it? First time I tried it, I strangled a barmaid," he trailed off in detail, laughing hysterically, then turned a smile on me, one so vile it made my intestines twist. "All in good fun, though."

"I'm not on anything." I spat a thick accumulation down to his shoes. My returning stare was a pinch shy of pure insanity. "Trust me, I want to be sober right now. I want to remember killing you."

"Not on anything? See, now  _there's_  your problem!" My taut jaw was seized; his nails digging into my fevered flesh. A pill pinched between his fingers came into view. I winced and hissed as he forced it passed my lips.

When he slipped his finger back out, it was dripping in blood.

"Hmph. You always were a bitter." Repulsed by the sight of him sucking his own blood off, savoring his own flavor like the egotistical bastard he is, I spit the pill out along with his filthy fluid staining my taste buds.

This isn't going anywhere. I need these goons off me. He's right there. I just need to break free. Then I can end this. I don't even care if I get shot down by his men afterward. It'll be a pleasure, I'll finish him off in Hell.

Maverick snapped his fingers and before I could react to the signal, my vision went black.

**~x~**

"Hmm~mm~hmmm~"

". . . . . ."

My lids, weighing heavy, fluttered open. My temple throbbed against a hard surface and my vision spun. A joyous hum filled the stuffy air.

"Finally! You're awake! I was getting  _so_  bored."

Blinded by blur, I matched the voice to a face that was displayed in my minds eye.

"Hanji..." I groggily spoke, then smacked my palm against the wall to push my body up properly. "Where—?"

"A closet, I think."

My vision sharpened on her. She was sitting a few inches across from me, her hands placed on her knees. I nursed my head and squeezed my eyes closed. "How'd...this happen?"

I had yet to collect the memories that ended me up in this predicament. My mind couldn't come up with a single thought; too preoccupied on the pain rushing through it instead.

She tapped a finger on her lips, looking up at the low ceiling in recall. "I knew something was up when I saw you outside the bar so after I filled myself in on the situation I came in after you. Once I got passed all the commotion, you were knocked out on the floor. I stepped in to help you and I don't remember anything after that." She smiled and scratched the back of her head, but flinched with a hiss on contact. "Eek...That hurts..."

I groaned in disgust, my lip curling. "Bastards. How dare them hit a woman."

"What's with you and throwing gender into everything? First you're saying I can't protect myself, now you're disregarding the fact that you were hit a hell of a lot worse than me just because I'm a woman."

"I'm not trying to offend you. My friend was half your size and she was capable of kicking  _my_  ass. It just pisses me off."

Pulling her legs in close, she smiled shyly against her knees in a way that triggered a grimace from me. This wasn't the time or place to smile, but nonetheless the soft curve in her lips remained. She spoke low, and if we weren't cramped so close together I wouldn't have picked up a word of it. "I'm not offended at all, really. Maybe this is a good time to tell you thank you. It's flattering; not many people call me a woman—it's nice to hear."

I scratched my sore head. Did I just black out and miss half of the conversation? "What the fuck are you talking about? Sure you're a bit manly sometimes, but why  _wouldn't I_  call you a woman?"

The seconds stretched on as she stared at me. "Oh _wow_. So you don't even know? You're dense. Very dense, Levi."

"Excuse me? Fuck off, shitty-glasses." I folded my arms with a pout. What a bitch. Just who does she think she is? I got knocked over the head not long ago (or hours ago, it was impossible to tell). Couldn't she consider I might not be as sharp with her vague undertones right now? What's she on about, anyways? When did I say anything to flatter her?

I thought in silence. The curiously biting at me—then reality finally took a big chunk out of me. My eyes rounded in realization. The curve ball she threw at me went past me, but made a quick 360 and hit me in the back of the head.

"Holy shit you're a man." I couldn't even attempt the effort of making it sound like a question. The answer was right before me: Hanji, a woman who I just now realized looked suspiciously handsome.

" _Was_  a man, thank you very much." She whooshed a pointed finger in the air prissily. "At least you finally figured it out. I was beginning to think the only way you'd catch on was if I  _whipped it out_ for you."

The first thing I noted when I met her was  _obviously_  her tits and after that, her glasses and greasy long hair—my mind (with little effort) came to the conclusion that she was biologically female. I had the tendency of not paying much attention to people, often enough I would forget what people looked like soon after I met them, so I'd just pick up a few obvious features to differentiate them from others.

Erwin: tall and blond. Eren: Big head and amazing-fucking-eyes. Hanji, nice tits and glasses. Memorizing one or two details about a person was enough for me to recognize them, so speculation normally ended there and I'd dispose any other unnecessary detail of a persons appearance. But now, I was seeing past the glasses and at Hanji as a whole.

In general, she did pass as a woman rather well—even now I remain convinced with the facts exposed. It could be due to her excitable personality and chipper way she carried herself. Though, I could detect a faint hint of masculinity, but the last thing I'm saying is that that's a giveaway on its own, because it wasn't. Some woman have sharper features that compliment their soft face and that's exactly how it came off on Hanji—except her face wasn't so much as soft, but slimy. I know she just took a shower, but she needed another one. She's like a fucking dirt magnet. Filthy wench.

I lost my train of thought—what were we talking about? Oh. Right. Hanji is a man.

My surroundings swirled, stirring up a mess of my stability. This confusing and completely unnecessary confession begged for a quick recall to see if my sanity is still in check because I was becoming quite fucking doubtful.

First, that big headed brat degrades me in my own home after he found out about my relationship with the commander. Then I met up with this four-eyed freak and ended up here, sitting in a filthy closet after I failed to kill my target, who was right fucking in front of me, I might add. Now, just to add another fattening lard to the pot, this madwoman is actually a madman.

That about covers my eventful night. Too bad that hit over the head didn't kill me. It would have been nice to get away from all this bullshit.

Squeezing the bridge of my nose, I groaned. I can give a shit less what a persons gender is, but with my anxiety spiking as it is, it only added another dumbbell to the weights I was already carrying. This was no time for a fucking mindbogglingly confession.

But then, a single—very important—question shined in my mind; one that needed to be addressed.

"Hold on. If you're a man...then why do you have—"

"—Tits? There's surgery for that, you know. I also take hormonal supplements, that does the rest of the work." Much to my dismay, she spoke the following in a baby voice. There was no escape from the torture. "D'aw It's so cute how naive wittle Wevi is~! Am I the first twanny you ever met?" She went to pinch my cheeks but I swat her hand. She chuckled, ignoring my hateful glare.

"...I knew your tits were too perfect. Fucking liar, telling me you  _grew them yourself_."

Offended, she gasped. "I did! These are real cell tissues from my DNA that I grew myself and had put in by a surgeon. It's a new revolutionizing technology! They're naturally mine one way or the other!" She cupped her breasts protectively.

"So they're not silicone?" I stared quizzically at her tits. "I don't believe you. I never heard of the method your talking about before."

"Feel them for yourself then!" A soft cushion lessened the swift impact when my hands were tugged into her chest.

"...Oh. They feel real." A gave a squeeze, just to be  _completely_ sure.

"Told ya'! That's one of the wonderful benefits of being a scientist."

"Making artificial boobies?"

"Yes."

I leaned back to the wall and rubbed the pickling hair above my neck. What a fucking night. I'll remember this one for a while. "I had no idea. You fooled me."

"Well I'm not trying to  _fool_ anyone. I just always felt like I was born in the wrong body, so I'm trying to fix it, is all."

"Makes sense to me."

Those normally smiling lips fell into a downward curve. The sudden facial change made sense when she went on to tell me she wished it was that easy to convince her father. He doesn't get it, the whole body transformation thing. It's a simple concept, if you ask me, but you can't teach an old dog new tricks. He still calls her his son and still uses male exclusive pronouns—and it's not a slip from habit: he refuses to except her as his daughter, even though she's only one step away from a full transformation.

At least he didn't disown her or end up hating her—while on the streets, I met lots of different types of people, some who were thrown out from their houses simply because their parents didn't accept their orientation. I imagine parents do the same if they don't agree with their child undergoing a sex change. Regardless of the fact that Hanji wasn't disowned, she was still far from fortunate. Her own blood refusing to see her for who she is is just as damaging to their relationship. She tried to hide it, but I would tell it really hurt her.

"What's the big deal. You're a female who was born in the wrong body and you're fixing the mistake. I guess some people can't understand how hard it is to live in a body that differentiates from yourself."

Hugging her knees, she peeked up at me. "Are you talking from experience?" she didn't let me reply. "Because you seem pretty mean on the outside, but you're actually very sweet on the inside."

"Fuck off."

"Don't you contradict me, mister!"

What's with people making false allegations about me? First that little shithead, then the big shithead, how four-eyed shithead. These illiterates are misreading me. The truth is, I'm not a good person. I haven't been for a very long time.

Any act of kindness is for selfish purposes. I took the kids in because it made me remember my past. In a way, I felt like it was rewriting my troubles by deleting the hardship in someone else's life. I always make everything about myself. I'm selfish. I can't do something for the pure benefit of others. It has to reflect a personal aspect of myself or reward a part of my fucked up mental state in order to go through with it.

I returned to the conversation, trying to escape my thoughts. "Bet you'll say something about my height next."

"What about it?"

Looking her dead in the eye, I dipped my head dubiously.  _Don't you dare play that dumb act with me._

"What can I say? You have an energy around you that makes others shrink in comparison! Is that what you want me to say?"

"Clever, but I give you the low score of 2 out of 10. It was a good effort, but that doesn't conceal an obvious flaw."

Even though I didn't think it was a compliment, I secretly took it as one. Usually every asshole with a mouth and an obligation to release every opinion had a comment about my height, but she described me as something no one has before, even if it was metaphorically speaking.

I shouldn't have expected less from her—someone like her takes in a persons energy before their appearance. It was a crazy thought that might end up leading to my death, but I might actually learn something from her if she stuck with me long enough.

"You're a good woman, Hanji. Don't let your father or anyone else tell you other wise."

" _Psst, Levi_."

"...What."

"Your sensitive side is showing~"

"I only said it because you won't shut up about it otherwise. We have more important things to worry about right now, like getting the fuck out of here."

My legs were numb from sitting so long but I stood up anyways and pet along the confining walls. If I expanded both of my arms, I could reach both sides of the closet, that's how small the space was. I couldn't help but to feel that the area just got smaller. Maybe it was because I was standing and now the ceiling became suffocatingly close, like the distance between a corpse and a casket lid.

I tried the knob in desperation, jiggling it like that would unlock it somehow. I settled for trying to bash the door down, but there wasn't enough room to get any power into my kick.

I started swearing. The sweltering heat invading me like a hot sauna. The cramped walls hitting me every time I moved a centimeter. The stuffy air teasing my lungs. All these conditions told me I needed to get out  _right now_.

"Hanji, stop breathing. You're making it hot in here." I went to loosen my collar, but my chest was already half exposed from earlier when I nearly ripped the shirt apart. Why did I feel so strangled, then? "Fuck, is there a vent in here connecting to the boiling room or something? There has to be,  _it's so fucking hot._ "

I felt like I was being cooked alive or that I was trapped in a burning building with no way to breath through the ashy smoke. At this rate, I'm going to asphyxiate.

"Would you settle down? You're hot because you've been kicking that door and randomly freaking out for the past ten minutes!"

"It's better than sitting on my ass  _like you_. We need to get the fuck out of here." My words jumbled together and the next time I looked at Hanji, she looked just as horrified as me.

"Levi...I think you should sit back down."

"What if they never open the door." I ignored her, my own fear taking over as I punched the door. Why the fuck are we in here to begin with? Is this time-out or something? Maverick always had a sick idea of fun. Degradation is his specialty.

"Then we'll break out, once you calm down. We won't be going anywhere if we don't put our heads on straight."

"I am calm. I am always fucking calm."

Attempting to light the mood, Hanji joked, but it had too much truthfulness to it to be funny. "Heh...Heh...D-Don't tell me you're claustrophobic..."

I swallowed hard.

"Eh?" She slapped her knee and stood at an angle to accommodate her size in the low room. "Oh you have to be kidding me! I was just joking and you're serious?!"

"Sit your big-ass body back down, you're making it worse."

"God damnit Levi. Way to make the situation worse." She complied and sat with a heavy inhale that likely took the rest of the oxygen out of the room. Great, now we're going to die thanks to this bitch sucking up all the air.

"How am I making it worse? If anyone is suffering here, it's me." She seems to be enjoying it in here just fine, like it's a social party or something.

My attempt at pacing (which was just taking a tiny step forward and back repeatedly) halted. My bottom lip dropped. I whipped my head to Hanji, feeling no shame in my current state. "I just remembered. I'm within the walls. Underground. In a closet—I'm in Hell. I'm in Hell, Hanji." I didn't even care at this point, I couldn't put a lid on my thoughts. I was actually scared. That's an unfamiliar emotion for me, one even more foreign than happiness.

My hand was grabbed and gently yanked. "Sit, Levi. Please. I have a plan."

It's about time she put those brains to use. Returning to my spot, she ordered me to close my eyes. "Idiot. How will that help us?"

"Do what I say!" As if she already knew I wouldn't listen, she placed her sweaty palms over my sockets.

"I need you to relax. I can't think of a plan if you're pacing around like a madman. Now listen carefully, Levi. Take a big breath through the nose and exhale through the mouth." She demonstrated the breathing pattern, taking even more air for herself. "Steady. In and out, in and out."

"Feeling like I'm going into labor isn't going to fix shit."

She tried to keep a smoothing voice, like a damn yoga instructor or something. "Then imagine you're in a big open field."

"I'm not. I'm in a fucking closet."

"Use your imagination!"

"I'm too sober to believe in such bullshit."

"You're so difficult!" She threw up her hands surrender and then used them to muffle herself. "Man, you have it bad, don't you?"

"...I usually can deal with the phobia—well, better than I did when I was a kid at least."

Up until I was about seven years old, I was a real problem child due to my phobia. I would randomly freak out every time I was reminded that I was surrounded my these walls skirting around the last civilization known to man. I tried to explain this to Hanji, but she countered me with: "But there's plenty of room within the walls to move freely. Why would you feel confined?"

"Because we are confined. We aren't free in here." Unfortunately, I realized this at a young age and it really messed me up. Being a child, I had the attention span of a beetle so I would often go about my day, forgetting about the walls existence. It's not so much the close confinements that make up the phobia—not at all, really. The feeling of being trapped in general just—bothered me. It still bothers me. The only difference was that I was maturer now and being an adult meant having the power to ignore the obvious.

"How did you get over it? Well, obviously you  _haven't,_  but regarding the walls, I mean."

I played with a loose thread of my shirt and shrugged. "I just learned to live with it. Not much else I can do. I'm stuck within these smelly walls forever whether I like it or not."

An eternity later, Hanji spoke lowly. "You _can_  be free and leave the walls, you know. You don't ever have to feel entirely  _stuck_  here. All you'd have to do is sign up for the Survey Corps."

"Don't  _you_  start asking me to join now. Commander Blondie asks me enough."

A spark of wonder ignited on Hanji. "Judging by the way you say that...Erwin must be pretty persistent—how'd you meet him anyway? Can't imagine how persons of such different standards could be on casual terms."

A twinge of playfulness rushed through me—perhaps my bodies way of distracting me from my anxiety. "You really want to know?"

"Well, I didn't ask for my heath. Are you guys close or—"

"I fuck him." Hanji hit me with a bruising confession earlier that was still tough to recover from, so I wanted to do the same. Take that, shitty-glasses.

"You... fuck who?"

"C'mon, now _you're_ being the naïve one." My voice was coated in satisfaction. "Erwin. I'm fucking sleeping with Erwin."

"...SMITH?!"

"Is there any other Erwin we're talking about right now?"

Her mouth made a perfectly huge circle, which was almost the same size as her protruding eyes. " _Get out!_ "

"I wish I could."

"No way... But he looks like a total ladies man! All the girls swoon over him because he's got that princely aura about him."

"Welp, looks like prince charming likes dick because I can confirm he's a total closet homosexual."

"Shit..." She leaned back, taking her precious time to reflect on the confession. "How did it start? Did...Did he hire you for it?"

I shook my head, a little peeved she would assume that right off the bat. Did I have a fucking hooker vibe about me or something? "We met about a year ago and we've been hooking up ever since."

"This is... fascinating!" Blushing, she knelled up. "You're like the commanders mistress—or whatever you call the male equivalent. Now _that's_  something to put on a list of achievements." She wiggled her eyebrows at me, I looked away from her goofy gesture. Not because I was annoyed, but because she  _almost_ made me laugh.

Something I realized while bonding with Hanji in this dusty closet was that she was an easy person to talk to. She had this trustworthy vibe about her that almost relaxed me (when she wasn't behaving like a lunatic). It almost felt like I've knew her for years. She was a rare species and I found myself getting attached.

"By the way, don't leak out a word about me and him to anyone. He's really strict about anyone knowing—not like that stops me from telling others, but it can't reach the public, is what I'm saying. Might screw up his position, for whatever damn reason."

She erected her palm flatly, like she was giving a scouts pledge. "I hereby promise that all mentions of Erwin being a closet case stays in the closet—no pun intended."

"That pun was _so_  intended." I almost laughed again, but bit my lip instead as I traced the cracks in the walls. Yeah, Hanji's alright in my book.

"I don't want to jinx anything, but would seem to have calm down."

"Yeah." If the mood stroke me right, talking would sooth my nerves, which appeared to be an easy antidote but coming up with topic that didn't bore me to death was the catch. Luckily, Hanji entertained me well.

"I think I could get us out of here." With stress diminishing, I was thinking clear again. I observed the knob of the door.

"It's about time you want to come out of the closet." She glinted.

"I swear if you make  _one more_ closet pun I will hurt you. Listen, it's a double-sided lock—I might be able to pick it." Reading Hanji's blinking eyes, she wanted to ask how I picked up such a skill, but she let the question fade—the answer was obvious. I'm what most people would consider a thug. Of course I knew how to pick a lock. We scuffled around in search of a tool we could use.

"Do you have a hair clip?"

She halted in patting herself down. "No, sorry. Just a scrunchy."

I dug through my pockets and pulled out a lighter, a pack of cigarettes and a few buttons that broke off from my shirt earlier.

"What a dick." I murmured.

"Hm? What happened?"

"Looks like he  _'confiscated'_ my money." I didn't have the need for the cash now that I found the bastard on my own and therefore didn't need to score any drugs in exchange for information, but fuck. That was a lot of money that belonged to me. Okay—it belonged to the owner of the pawn shop before I stole it, but that's besides the point.

Just thinking of the bastard almost gave me enough strength to bust through the wall with mere willpower alone. Knowing he put his grimy hands in my pockets and  _who knows_  where else while I was knocked out made me want to bathe in bleach.

Not only did we need to get out of here for obvious reasons, but I still needed to finish what I started.

"Hand over your glasses."

Hanji held the frames protectively, leaning back. "Why..."

"Give them to me." I presented her my impatient palm.

"Well, alright..." she slid them off and placed them slowly into my hand. "But I'm blind as a bat without them, so whatever you do, just be carefu—"

I snapped the off the hinges that connected the frames to the temple.

"...I don't like the sound of that."

She must actually be as blind as she says. "I'll pay for the repairs."

"Repairs for what? What did you do to my glasses?!"

I turned them into a lock-pick, that's what I did. I removed the shell of the temples tips and used the bare wire as the base of a lock-pick. After a choir of scrapes and jingles against metal, I was rewarded when a final clink rang out.

I handed her back the glasses, or whatever was left of the dissembled thing.

"My poor glasses..." She looked to be on the verge of tears as she pathetically put them back on, only one supporting temple hooked to her ear. Due to this, they hung crooked off her nose.

"Get it together, we're leaving." I shuffled up and looked through the crack of the door.

My intention was to be cautious and scout the area before I stepped out, but a heavy shadow filled the once lit up bar, only vague outlines were shown from whatever light was coming from the window. Looks like we'll have to take a gamble. "Stay close behind me."

I pushed the door open fully and the area that was blocked was revealed. The sight made my heart leap.

"Just where do you think you're going?" Maverick sung out, seated solely on a stool at the bar counter. Whiskey in one hand, a pistol in the other.

As if Hanji knew, she grabbed my arm, but that didn't hold me back from rushing out from the broom closet. I went straight toward him, giving a fuck less that he was holding a gun aimed right for me. I'll kill him before he even gets a chance to shoot. I reached for my dagger, which is normally strapped to my thigh.

An empty void was occupying the space. My feet stopped moving.

With a swift gulp, he over turned the shot glass down hard and picked up my familiar blade, waving it like a wand. "Looking for this?"

Hanji came up close behind me, reminding me of her presence by grasping my tense bicep.

Fuck. This isn't good. I have no way of killing him easily and that also meant I had no way of protecting Hanji.

"Listen, Levi." he said, playing with the sharp blade. "I don't have any intentions of killing you, or that dorky friend of yours there. I just want you back in my crew. Simple as that. You're not leaving until you accept."

It sounded like a cheap joke. I wasn't buying it. If I learned anything by being Maverick's right-hand man back then was that he's a great liar and he loved to play games.

"You have an odd way of sending out invitations."

"I'll admit some of my methods are a little out there." The curve in his lips dove down, his face now covered in murky shadows. "I'm willing to forget your treachery if you come back."

"I'd rather you shot me, to be perfectly honest."

"Must you be so dramatic? Others are kissing my feet just to get in my crew and here I am, begging you. You have me whipped, Levi. I'm letting you take full advantage of the benefits that come with it. I'll give you anything you want."

Such luxuries weren't so easily achievable, that I learned while rolling with him. He was a crooked man that expected his men to go through with sickening demands with the snap of his fingers. I wasn't a killer of innocence, unlike him. Hell, I was a virgin to murder to begin with, but I'm happy to pop my cherry for him.

"And if I refuse, you'll just give me the same treatment you gave my friends, correct?"

There was a tantalizing pause. My knees shook in anticipation.

A gruff chortle spilled from him. "It was all in good fun."

I lunged at him, striking him off guard with a swing of my fist. Knotting up my fingers through his hair, I slammed his forehead into the bars counter. I reached for my dagger on the counter, but due to a swinging arm, it slid down the counter. I settled for punching him repeatedly in his right eye, hoping I'd blind him the same way his men blinded my friend when they jumped her.

He managed to get a few soild punches in on me, but I quickly regained the upperhand. I knocked him off the stool, grabbing it immediately and breaking it over his back as he crawled for the pistol that slipped from his fingers—when I realized this, it was too late and he had already grabbed it and twisted around. With the gun loaded and aimed for me, a shot rang out.

It flew past me, just missing my arm. But my heart twinged—not over being shot at, that was something I became accustom to, but I remembered that Hanji was close behind me. He aimed at a nonlethal area because he still needed me, but I didn't need him. He had a crunch, I had an advantage. But Hanji meant nothing to him. I had every right to fear that he'd go as far as hitting an innocent by-stander just to get his way.

When I turned to check on her, I exhaled steadily. She was standing at a safe distance from the fight, but her face stretched with fright and before she spit out "Watch out!" I was down for the count. His fingers had slipped around my neck from behind, locking me in a choke-hold until my sight waved and sparked. My limps gave a good fight until they drooped from the lack of circulation going to my head. Before I knew it, I was thrashed down on the floor. Due to my head being serverly hit for the third time in only two days, I didn't recover as fast as I normally would.

Steps lumbered upstairs, creaking the ceiling with shouts following. It had to be his men. This bar must be one of his many hideouts. The shot must have signaled off his goons. Fuck. This shouldn't be this hard. My fist balled and slammed down onto the wood, it was the only area I could move. Why can't I fucking kill him?'

My eyes zoomed in on Hanji, who was shaking in her spot as she anticipated where the group of threatening men would show up from. Why did I let her come? My head pounded harder with guilt. Feeling crippled and useless, I screwed my eyes shut. It's all I could do.

"L-Levi! Get up, we have to go." The shouts got louder, but not as loud as Hanji's plea.

"You're not going anywhere, bitch." Maverick stood sturdily in place, gun aimed at her. "Neither is he."

Hanji was centered in my sight; the edges around my vision blurred.

She's not involved in this. She did nothing wrong. Even though she signed her death certificate by deciding on joining the Survey Corps, I didn't want her to die. Not like this. Let her die happily in a Titan's belly. I thought the worse, since it became clear I could not escape.

Don't kill her. They can do whatever they want with me, but if worse came to worse, let her free. Don't involve her. Don't let her be a casualty of this senseless crime.

Please, don't kill another one of my friends.

The stomps roared closer.

Shit.

_Shit._

This shouldn't be this hard. He's a pathetic waste of space. Why can't I fucking kill him?

Before I realized it, Hanji knelled down to my side, but her gaze wasn't one of consoling, but anger and her mind was completely elsewhere rather than me. My sight slipped down in time to see her digging into her boot. That tiny vile she showed me earlier was revealed.

She sprout up and whirled around and melted the smug look right off Maverick's face,  _literally_.

"We have to go, _now_." She said in a demanding tone over his earsplitting shriek and the sizzling boil of skin sounding in the air.

By the time I finally found my feet, he quit nursing his melting face and turned the gun on Hanji as she tugged me in support to the door, but with the poor bastards flesh melting into his eyes, he was no where near target.

I found steady footing, barely, and hung on to Hanji for a crutch as I limped out of the bar. We looked back and forth and quickly decided on a route hastily. The crowd was even busier now, it just be morning. But there's no way to tell in this cave. We didn't make it far from the bar, but when we heard a blaring "follow them!" behind us, we wordlessly nodded at one another and picked up the pace.

Losing ourselves in the crowd, we escaped into an alley and took the long way around the square, then found ourselves barricaded by a line of Military Police.

They were stationed at the pawn shop, taking notes from the hysterical owner.

A criminal knows better than to return to the scene of the crime yet it always becomes inevitable, doesn't it?

I almost spun around and dragged Hanji with me, but then I saw the two men that held me out before Maverick earlier. Our eyes locked. They raced toward us.

I pressed onward.

It's a risky course no matter what way, but I'll take my chances with the police. With Hanji in the lead, we climbed up the ladder, that was immediately marked as suspicious activity judging by the uproar it caused.

"Hey you're not allowed up there... hey!" One of the men in uniform shouted. And after, the frantic store owner said, "I bet those are the same punks that vandalized and robbed my shop!"

But before the Military Police could get their fat asses up the ladder, we left a trail of smoke and fled. Leaving behind the goons chasing us, the police and my unaccomplished goal.

**~x~**

The sun had burned away the remains of the black painted sky before we made it out of the tenebrous tunnels—we were blinded by the radiating glow of morning being born upon exiting. The moist air of dawn floated around us as we flew and although it was freezing, the fresh air felt great. I could breath easy again.

We arrived back at Hanji's place in one piece. A well deserved sense of relief fell onto us.

"We really dodged the bullet back there, didn't we?" Hanji said, completely unfazed and thriving in excitement. She still looked as raring to go as she did before we left. That energy made me envious—but now was hardly the time to let such an emotion take place. A much more potent feeling took over instead.

"I'm sorry. I should have never let you come. You could have gotten killed." The words slipped out suddenly when guilt wrapped its virulent hands around me. I held her life with little care back there. It was a precarious move. Another act of selfishness on my part. It's not surprising.

Seemingly taking note of my weak posture that swelled with ache and regret, she assured me with calming words. "We got through it together, though." Perhaps her only method of reassurances wasn't just with words, because when I looked up, her arms were suddenly expanded out to me; the space between them suspiciously my size.

"...What do you want."

The smile she bared became wider as she bounced up in her spot with impatient exhilaration. "I want a hug."

"Ew. No." I gave her a disgusted look up-and-down.

Her brows knitted seriously, her hands still gesturing for my embrace. "Huggy-huggy."

"I'm leaving." I closed my eyes with a turn of my heel, taking a step forward. But when I rotated back quick for a final glance, it was like I was abandoning a lost fucking puppy with the way her magnetizing eyes glistened on me. Damnit. I really am easily persuaded, ain't I?

"...Make it quick." I stiffened up, my arms glued to my sides.

"Yay!" She skipped forward, her knee propped backward as she embraced me close, her slumped head pressed up on the side of mine while my  _very unamused_  face nestled deeply between her tits.

Hmph. I suppose there were some advantages to being short.

"I had fun. We should do that again sometime." She giggled. I couldn't tell if she was being serious.

"There is no next time for you." I pulled away from her, but her arms remained draped over my shoulders. "It's too dangerous. I'll finish him off myself."

She frowned and finally released me. "You're a stubborn man—I can't say anything to stop you, but I hope you reconsider. I can help you, Levi. I think I proved that already."

"I'll admit you saved my ass." I rarely give out praise, but credit was due on her part. I'll never knock her for being a girl again—she had balls. Yes, that's meant to be taken two ways. Regardless of gender, she's a tough cookie, something I never presumed.

I didn't give her an answer on whether or not I'd ever let her tag along with me again. She was handy in a tight situation, but that wasn't worth putting her at risk. I said my goodbyes and walked home.

**~x~**

Sometime later, I removed my gear, cleaned myself up and changed into something more comfortable and then found myself in Eren's bedroom, staring at the heap of blankets that covered Eren and Mikasa. Light breathing and muffled groans covered the room.

I intended to do a quick check-up on them and retire to my own bedroom, but my stay ended up prolonging longer than planned when I sat on the edge of the bed across from the door. It was for no particular reason. There existed a mess around my feet on the floor, that looked to be caused by either a tantrum or self-loathing laziness. I was too tired to care about it, for now.

The blankets rustled behind me. When I peered over my shoulder to see who was stirring from their slumber, Mikasa rose up, her hair in disarray. After a long moment of staring in silence at one another, a yawn slipped past her lips along with a question.

"Your face—What happened to you?"

"A lot." A bowed my head, revving my aching wrist, which was likely due to a sprain from punching that pricks skull so many times. Having yet to check the damage properly in a mirror, I didn't know how bad my condition was, but the throbbing areas of my face and body gave me the impression that I didn't look too pretty right now.

"You're really bashed up. Is there anything I can do?"

"It'll heal on its own."

I can feel her eyes on me and I almost heard the inquiries going off one after the other in her head. Mumbling something, Eren tossed around, then went static when Mikasa stroked his forearm; the comforting gesture sent him back to his dreams. She didn't appear to have any intentions of taking her eyes off her brother.

"Eren was really upset, you know. It took me a long time to calm him down."

I soughed bitterly. It was the kids own fault for getting worked up over nothing. I didn't pity him.

"I won't get mad at you if you said something mean to him, but I will ask you to apologize if you did."

"More like he owes me an apology—but I could give a shit less about what comes out of that brats mouth. It's over now, it doesn't matter."

Her features sharpened. "Eren definitely has some anger issues, but he has good reasons behind it. You had to do  _something_ to trigger him off."

"Like I said, it's over with now." I wanted to forget about the stupid domestic dispute. It held little importance to me, even though just thinking back to it sent me back on edge, but that could have been for a number of reasons when you take into account all the shit I've been through tonight.

She flipped the covers off her legs in a tempered motion, folding her portion of the blanket over Eren and peeled herself off the bed, ignoring me as she did. She motioned over to the door, but with a deep, reluctant inhale she spun back around.

"I appreciate what you're doing for us, Levi. I really do. But you have to keep in mind that Eren is my brother and I have to look out for him. Just please try to get along because in the end I'm always going to side with him."

I swayed my head to the side subtly, my eyes closing. The way she babies him irritates me to no end, but I can't see the wrong in her protection-complex. When you have very few loved ones left, you fight for them.

"The situation between Eren and I is a lot more than it seems, Mikasa. It's personal, but we'll figure it out. He just needs learn he can't always get his own way. I assure you it's not that big of a deal."

Mikasa looked to the floor, engaged in guessing. Then after a while her head started slowly nodding as she kept a tight lip, as if my vague wording helped her puzzle some pieces together. "Okay. I'll stay out of it then, but don't make Eren cry again."

I wanted to argue with her over the unfeasible request, but the intimidating gaze she shot me kept my mouth sealed. It's going to be tough to confront Eren about our current problem (let's be real,  _his_  problem) on those conditions. Saying a crybaby like him can't shed another tear is like telling a Titan to never eat another human; it's completely impossible.

But that was an issue that would be solved later.  _Way_  later. Ideally, never, but it was unlikely that the subject wouldn't be touched again. Right now, I needed sleep.

Mikasa soon went back into motion and left the bedroom behind, telling me that she was going to make breakfast. That made me sick, the simple thought of even attempting to feed myself was disgusting. After enduring a long trip on 3D-Maneuver Gear, I was left with some motion sickness. I still had some leftover anxiety and the kicks to the stomach didn't help aid an appetite either.

The most sickening part was that it was all for nothing. Fucking useless effort. All of it. I didn't kill him. I failed.

However, Hanji did manage to melt off half of his face. Now that I was safe at home, I could recall back in amusement. I suppose it wasn't a total loss.

I couldn't bask in the humor too long, because I realized that such an act won't go unpunished. There was a good chance that Hanji was at the top of his shit-list now. Fortunately, he had no knowledge about where I lived, but there was always a possibility he'd track me down. Still, there was virtually no connection between Hanji and myself, so she ought've be safe.

It was myself that should be worried. He's stronger than I anticipated and he practically has an army behind him that jump to the will of his commands with a snap of his fingers. All I had was myself and these kids and the simple fact of them knowing me automatically put them at risk.

If he wanted me so badly in his crew again, like he made clear during our confrontation, then he would have shown his face around here long before I tracked him down. That's why I have reason to believe that he's not aware of my whereabouts. It's best to stay low for a while. I'll make another attempt at his assassination when he's off guard—I'd imagine he's quite riled up right now with his men hunting me down. It's best to wait until things cool down before making another move.

"...Argh."

The alert groan hooked my head back. Eren was blinking at me with dreary eyes. Under my furrowed brows, I blinked in return and then stood with no intentions of looking back.

A cracking voice reached my back as I turned the knob. "Wait, Levi."

I breezed through the arch of the door. I'm in no mood right now to even share a simple morning exchange—or more realistically, finish the argument from a few hours ago. He might have slept all night and had the energy for round two, but I didn't. I'm exhausted and had a shitty night. I wasn't about to allow this brat to add logs to an already raging fire by making my morning shitty too.

But nothing could ever end on such a simple note.

Eren chased after me, his socks slipping on the polished floor as he called out my name, begging me to stop. When I reached my bedroom, I slammed the door, but before I could turn to lock it, Eren pushed himself in with brute force.

"I need to talk to you."

"I'm tired, Eren. I'm going to sleep." I said in the most irritated tone I could manage to cough up in my currently state—it had no effect because the brat pressed on, telling me through his clenched teeth to listen to him. How pointless. I knew what he wanted to talk about so why should he waste his breath? He wanted to finish what he started last night; tell me how no good I am and about his stupid feelings. I didn't want to hear it.

Hoping he would become uninterested and leave like a bored dog if I ignored him, I reclined my back into the mattress and rolled in the opposite direction.

My brow spiked along with my temper as I heard his feet trotting closer. The space behind me was soon occupied with Eren's warm body. He pressed his cheek against my shoulder blade. I tried to squirm him off but he was practically glued.

"How'd you get all those bruises?"

"I 'fell off the pole'." I returned the insult he gave me earlier.

Lacking enough brains cells to come up with a way to reply to that, he settled for burying his face between my shoulder and the pillow. There was then a muffled string of words that followed.

I exhaled loudly. "If you're going to keep me awake, at least talk clearly."

" _I'm sorry,_ " a tone soaking in melancholy vibrated against my back, "you know, about what I said before. You won't believe me, but I didn't mean it. Honestly."

I readjusted my blankets fussily, remembering exactly what and how he said the remark that pissed me off so much. But the echoing recall of his words was drowned out by his sniffles and weeping moans. Great, now he's giving me a headache. To make it even worse, the brat was using my shirt as a damn tissue for his salty tears. Gross.

"Stop crying, Mikasa will hear you and blame me." That's all I needed was for her to rush in here. Then I really won't get any sleep.

"I can't." He sniffed his clogged nose—which resulted in him speaking in nasally voice. As if he doesn't sound annoying enough. "I feel awful. I don't really think of you like that. I know I tease you about being a stripper or whatever  _you_  call it, but I don't actually care about that. I know it's selfish, but I was so hurt when I saw you with Erwin. I thought if I said enough of nasty things about you, then maybe I would start to believe it and stop having a crush on you—but it only made me hate myself. I wish I was old enough to prove my feelings to you, but as long as you're happy, I can live with you being in love with the commander, but it still hurts."

Tch. What a moron. Maybe all that cleaning I assigned him to fucked with his head—chemicals are harsher on children, especially ones with not many brain cells to begin with. "For Christ sake Eren, I'm not  _in love_  with Erwin."

"...You're not?" He propped himself up and leaned over my arm to spectate my face for any trace of lies. "Then why were you kissing him?"

"It's complicated, but we aren't dating. We just have an...affectionate relationship." Affectionate was the only word I could think of that would be appropriate for a child. I couldn't exactly tell him that we were fuck buddies excluding the buddies part.

"Huh..." He rested back down, his mind heavy with thought. "C-Can I have an affectionate relationship with Levi too...?"

"No."

He pouted.

I crushed the kids dreams before they could even properly come to surface. "Anyway—a kid like you shouldn't even be getting worked up about relationships and sex and whatnot. Try to enjoy some of the childhood you have left, will ya'?"

His head nodded against my back. "Right...I understand—except one thing. Quick question, what's sex?"

My tired eyes peeled open, my face cracking into horror. I silently rose from the bed and practically ran out of the room.

"Wait!"

No.  _Fuck no_. I am not having the birds and bees talk right now. Anything but that. This had better be a nightmare or maybe I did get shot and this was hell. With tiredness put to a halt, I rushed into the living room until Eren pulled me a few steps back with a yank of my shirt.

"No, Eren. NO. Go ask someone else." How the hell is it possible that he doesn't know what sex is? Sure, he's only twelve, but the way he went on about touching and relationships, I thought he  _surely_  had a good idea about how it worked.

"Fine, I'll go ask Mikasa!" With hot curiosity fueling him, he stomped into the kitchen with his fist balled. A quick second later, they both returned, staring up at me with inquiring eyes.

"What is this sex Eren is talking about?" Mikasa questioned, looking just as innocent as her brother beside her.

I'm officially cursed.

"I know it has something to do with how babies are made between married couples," Eren started, "but I don't really know all the details."

Mikasa's cheeks dusted with a pink hue; her gray eyes looked to have earned a lively tint to them. "B-Babies?" her voice rose, the enthusiastic pitch sounded strange coming from her mouth. She turned a demanding gaze on me. "Tell me right now—tell me how babies are made, Levi."

My head heaved back at the stifling request. "Both of you...Get the hell away from me."

"Don't make me resort to violence." Mikasa warned, but it sounded more desperate than anything. She was really curious—Eren too. I sealed my eyes shut.

Let's make this quick.

"Mikasa—you're aware that boys have...different...private parts than girls, right?" Awkwardness stung my tongue. Fuck my life.

"Hmm." She side-glanced at Eren. "I think, are you talking about the little thingy between their legs? Because I saw Eren's a few times in the bathtub."

"Mi-Mikasa!" He sweatdropped with a yelp.

My shoulders shook and my eyes glossed. I gave it my all not to let a single sound erupt from my pierced lips. I failed, but I hide my face in my palms in time to muffle the sound.

"S-Stop laughing, Levi! It's not little! It'll get bigger, you'll see!"

"Be quiet Eren," Mikasa nudged him. "Can't you see that Levi is trying to explain where  _babies_  come from? Anyway—what does the little thing have to do with it?"

I recovered my composer. Oh God, that was the best line I heard in a while. At least I had something to use against Eren when he was being an annoying brat. "Just to be clear, not all men are as small as Eren, but that's besides the point. The purpose of that part plays a big role in making a baby—it's inserted inside a girl, then nine months later, you have yourself a baby."

"Wait," her brows scrunched. Of course the explanation couldn't end there—that would be  _too easy_ on my part. God fucking forbid. "Inside where, exactly? Her mouth?"

"Yes—I mean, no. Well,  _you can_  but you can't make a baby that way."

"Now I'm confused."

"Ditto." Eren agreed.

I sighed. My voice got louder for some reason, making my following statement sound more awkward than necessary. "It goes between a girls legs."

"So you put the little thing inside a girl and a baby comes out...Hmm." Mikasa, looking rather confused, tapped her finger against her cheek thoughtfully.

"There's more to it then that..." I set my hand on my hip with a shake of my head. "Never mind, I'll let your future boyfriend explain the rest of the details."

"That's lame." Eren said, nearly cutting me off. "Sounds boring to me."

"It's not just for making babies, adults do it for fun. It gives you an amazing sensation." I tsked at myself for how lame I sounded. Maybe this is why their father went missing; he wanted to avoid this conversation. I was close to disappearing too.

"Really? How?"

Disregarding Mikasa for the time being, I pointed my gaze straight on him. "It's like using your  _hand_  in that area but a thousand times better."

Eren gave me a thirty yard stare.

"What's the hand used for?" she asked.

"Nothing," I replied to her quickly. "You wouldn't get it yet. Girls tend to blossom a little later."

"Are you serious?" Eren popped out of his trance, belatedly shouting in reply, his tone exhilarated. "It feels better than that? No way...Too bad only boys and girls can to it together."

"Idiot. Two boys or two girls could do it too. It's just a little different."

His face questioned how, and I immediately regretted opening my big mouth when Eren pressed the issue. "How does the  _thing_  go in the  _thing_  if they have the same  _things_?!"

"Different things just get put in different places. Basically, sex just means pleasuring yourself and whoever you're doing it with. Gender plays little role in it, unless you're trying for a baby; only a man and woman together can accomplish that."

"Explain better." he demanded.

"I don't want to."

"Then show me."

" _Eren._ "

Haven't I been punished enough? Why was this conversation still persisting? I wanted to sleep. I wanted to be away from these dumb kids and their questions. I wanted anything but this and yet here I am.

"Have you ever done this  _'sex'_ Levi?" Mikasa asked. If it came out of Eren's mouth I would have told him to shut up, but something about Mikasa's naïve tone made me want to settle her curiosity so she wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

"Yes, I have."

"With boys too?" Of course Eren would be the one to ask that. I feel like I'm being interrogated.

"...Yes." The only type of person I haven't slept with was a gay female, obviously, but I had a clear idea about how lesbian sex worked. In my wilder days, the drunk side of me had a habit of hiring two hookers and watching them go at it—even I can be a pervert sometimes if I wanted to.

"Well if you've had sex with boys, then you should know where the penis goes." he asked.

"I do."

" _Where._ " Eren replied in a beat.

"Between the legs, just like I said before. It's not much different than sex between a man and a woman."

"...Like...the penis goes inside the other penis...?"

Horrified, a shadow gloomed over my face as I twitched my lip down at him. "...What the  _fuck_ is wrong with you? NO."

"Well how the heck am I suppose to know if you don't tell me?!"

Roaring between my teeth, I seethed until I erupted. "In the ass!  _It goes in the ass._ "

They blinked at me for an eternity. Why am I explaining how gay sex works to twelve year olds?  _Why?_

"That...kind of explains a few things—I couldn't help but notice that..." he mumbled, his cheeks glowing red. He then restarted his failed attempt at a sentence. "I guess it's normal. I thought I was weird for... _being curious_  about that area on others..."

Mikasa, with a serious expression, lashed her head to him. "Are you referring to all the times you stare at Levi's butt?"

"WHAT? I-I do not! Stop lying!"

"I'm not lying. You do it all the time."

Hmph. Can't blame the kid, I do have a pretty incredible ass—pole dancing fills a person out in all the right places. I didn't have time to be amused at his confession though, I was surprised he even said something like that around Mikasa. Maybe it was because she was still confused about the concepts, but she took it pretty casually.

Eren didn't say another word after that—he looked to be under a trance, just completely spaced out in his own world. Pink highlighted his cheeks and soon became scorching red. I could almost see the film reel projecting in his mind. Filthy.

He croaked out with sudden urgency, "I-I have to use the bathroom!" With that statement, he ran off as he pulled his shirt over his crotch.

I just gave the poor kid an erection.

Recovering from Eren making a famous exit, Mikasa regarded me with a tiny smile. "Thanks for explaining Levi, I'm still unsure about a few things, but at least I know how babies are made now. I've been waiting for this day to come for a long time."

"Just don't put the information to use yet, got it?" I reluctantly plopped my palm on top of her head. "A word of advice, don't even have kids. They're capable of pulling weird sides of yourself out. Trust me."

She hummed in thought, contemplating my words. A while later, the bathroom door swung open. My lip curled as Eren peeked out and avoided eye contact. Dirty guilt radiated from him.

"Disgusting. See Mikasa, this is a  _prime example_  why you shouldn't have kids, you might get a rotten seed like Eren."

"What'd you say about me?" What, was he arguing with the floor? How intimidating, the hormonal brat couldn't even look me in the eye.

"I didn't hear any water run, Eren. Go wash those sticky fingers of yours."

"Eeh?" He stiffly straighten up like a jittery soldier receiving orders from his superior. "I-I'll go clean them..."

"Go clean that  _filthy_  mind of yours while you're at it, perverted brat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I get personal satisfaction from putting Levi in awkward situations. It's just so fun to mess with him, heuheu~ I didn't plan on having Eren and Levi make up in this chapter, but them being mad at each other stressed me out so I needed to add that last scene to get them back on track. (For the record, Levi is a horrible sex ed teacher and I think he should be legally banned from explaining sex ever again.)


	15. Precipitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi had some bad vibes for a while now. He's forced to swallow some harsh truths about himself and Erwin, but his spirits are lifted with a night out with Hanji. But the storm he anticipated sneaks up on him when he least expects it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some good news and I have some bad news.
> 
> The good news: There will be a timeskip after chapter 16. You know what that means? /whispers Ereri. :3 Yes I know, it's about damn time. (I didn't think it would take this long... But I have a lot planned for them to make up for the wait~)
> 
> The bad news: The timeskip means Eren and Mikasa won't be adorable little brats anymore and also there won't be anymore Eruri smex. More bad news: Eruri shippers won't like this chapter. But hey, there's smut to lessen the blow so I think I deserve a silver star. Ereri shippers, feel free to celebrate! (But not too soon because the next chapter is...well, you'll see.)

Sometimes, my bad vibes scared the living piss out of me.

I didn't have a magical gift that enables me to predict the future, nor did I have any evidence that gave me reason for my grim premonitions, but in the past the foreboding senses that would cloud my thoughts had proved to be too accurate to be ignored.

This trepidation in particular has been clinging with me for days. I couldn't shake it. A storm was brewing despite the signs of clear skies. It was like being in the eye of a hurricane; safe in the lull of the storm as disaster orbits around me, trapping me. There was no way of knowing when the storm would strike or how I could run out of harms way and avoid it. That's the unnerving part—being unprepared for the unknown.

No one can stop a storm. It's nature. All you can do is ride it out and hope for the best and that's exactly what I did. But on the dawn of New Years Day, I learned that storms could be devastatingly cruel; holding no remorse for whoever was in its range.

Turning the clocks hands back to an earlier time—a little before midnight on the 30th to be more precise, I was headed toward my favorite bar around the corner from my house, hoping that liquor would drown out the paranoia and put some rational sense into this racing head of mine—or at the very least, shut it off completely.

I was expecting the worse from every murky corner, but instead of being greeted with my impending doom, I was rewarded with a notion of relief when I walked into the dingy tavern.

Two heterochromia wings that manage to fly home in one piece came into my line of sight. But the owner of those wings looked anything but put together. The feathers of his spirit were brutally plucked from him.

The mission outside the wall was unsuccessful.

I've seen this scene many times before—Erwin never sulked in dirty pubs unless he wanted to drink for all his fallen comrades. Regret and sorrow seeped from him, making the room unbearably oppressed.

At the time, I thought this was the origin of my trepidation; perhaps I caught onto some of Erwin's emotional waves and the loss and regret he held somehow synced with me, but looking back now, Erwin was only the cause of light drizzle before the crack of lightening striked down on me.

Pounding my flattened palm on the counter to grant myself the barkeeps attention, I took a seat on the stool beside him. "The usual—and a refill for him, on me."

"Levi..." His face was vacant of any expression—but his eyes couldn't be so easily concealed. Just one look told me everything. I saw it all. The whole trip replayed in those glassy blue orbs. After meeting this side of Erwin on so many occasions before, the scene felt l scripted. Like attending an awful play that I was forced to watch over and over again.

Inhaling jittery to rid his potent nerves, he tried to pass off a small smile, even though we both knew it was fake. It didn't last long though, because the longer he looked at me, the more his lips descended. "Looks like you took a beating."

Most of my bruises had diluted from the fight with Maverick, but the imprints of punches still encircled my eyes, (not that it makes a difference, just a tint darker compared to my usual dark-circles) but the split lip had yet to heal, which was the main giveaway that I've been in a brawl.

"Same to you." He didn't look as pristine and groomed as he usually did; a few days worth of stubble had grew in and his hair sat unkept. Generally, he just looked tired. The man deserved a long break, but I'd never tell him that. He wouldn't take my advice anyway.

"We lost nearly 40% this time." He said flatly, blinking slowly into his held glass.

I perked my brows. That's an impressively depressing number. Stiffly swigging down my shot, the liquor clogging my throat stung momentarily. "I think getting you drunk tonight is in order. Drinks are on me, but just don't pass out—I'm not carrying your big ass home."

With all the soldiers that get swallowed up on the trips and the lack of new recruits, it surprised me how Erwin wasn't the last man standing by now. Even if he was, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that said he wouldn't still go out there, fully prepared for battle on his own.

I had nothing to say in condolences. If I said "they died for a good cause" it would just be a lie. What they're doing is pointless. All they achieve by going out there is just serving themselves up as snacks. No new knowledge about the Titan's has been discovered in generations and even inessential information the Survey Corps did manage to scavenge wasn't crucial enough to replace the thousands who sacrificed themselves. It's beyond me why people are so eager to die for a useless cause, and it's even more mind-boggling when people decide to replace their shoes and die for the same reason. An endless cycle of unnecessary death. How pitiful.

Even so, that doesn't make the loss any less significant. Strong men and women died out there doing something they believed was beneficial for humanity, regardless if they are right or wrong, it was still a tragedy.

I could never have Erwin's strength—and I'm not referring to physically strength. I could easily kick his ass if I wanted to, but his mental state is extraordinary. To witness comrades die gruesomely and yet have the motivation to move onward while knowing you'll be adding even more to the body count was an unimaginable trait I'd never posses. I'm much too weak in that sense.

You don't have to die to make sacrifices; Erwin was living proof of that.

He held all the burden on his own, yet it never weighed him down for long—he'd still stand proud and lead his comrades to their death for the sake of humanity.

I wouldn't be able to see people I came to know disappear after each trip outside. It took a wearer of tough skin to be the commander of such an unforgiving guild. This is (one of the many reasons) why I could never join the Survey Corps. I couldn't face such pointless death on a regular basis. Surely, it would make me even more bitter than I already am now. I'd be miserable under those conditions. I may not look the part, since I'm aware that I come off as an asshole to most, but I value people's lives. Even if serving my own heart to the military wasn't the problem for me personally, having others die after giving such a pledge would be hard to bear witness to.

My wrist sat beneath my chin as my thoughts tangled. I stared at the golden droplets slide down my empty drink, but just as a puddle rimmed around the glass on the counter, my chin swooped down when my supporting wrist was grabbed and pulled off my stool.

With my mouth motioning without sound, my feet dragged until I found a pace to match Erwin's stomping in front of me, his fingers still bone-shatteringly tight around my wrist.

I've become so fluent in Erwin's body language—I knew what he wanted without having to ask. From the moment I laid eyes on him, my night was already planned out for me.

He led me to the back of the bar and into the restroom and before I could refuse the thought obviously spotlighted Erwin's mind, I was seized, picked off my feet and pinned roughly against the tile wall. I was then attacked by Erwin's full, eager lips.

With the way he pressed in close, holding onto my thighs with his groin pressing between my legs as he planted messy, teeth-bumping kisses, I was left with no room to breathe. When I attempted to pull away for a gasp of needed air he yanked me back with my knotted hair ripping between his fingers.

I wasn't going anywhere—I'm locked fully in his command and I willingly allowed his body to take full authority over mine. I felt utterly drunk despite only downing a single shot. There wasn't a gap between our bodies as I tasted his booze-soaked tongue.

This Erwin was different from the one that returned home last time. I've come to know both sides to him, and I still couldn't pick a favorite. This Erwin, who had now motioned me over to the mirror as he practically ate at the nape of my neck, was lewd; his gestures and movements almost deranged. Blood oozed from my broken skin, but didn't travel far down my spine before he swiped it up with his tongue.

This Erwin was nearly mute, very spontaneous in his actions. The other was kind, courteous and restrained like a good soldier boy should be. He always beat around the bush and never told me straight-out what he wanted, yet at the same time he never shut his trap. The Erwin before the trip was a gentle sheep, the Erwin now is a hungry wolf.

The porcelain of the sink felt cool under my palms holding me up. The chill worsened when Erwin squirmed his icy hands up my shirt, cupping my peck. As he did this, his eyes locked with mine in the mirror and I had no choice but to look back. If I were to look away, I would lose and be devoured. Our true animal instincts shined during these moments and right now Erwin was most definitely at the top of the food chain. All this was merely playing with his meal before he worked up the appetite to indulge me fully.

...But I wouldn't be so easily preyed on without a fight; let's just say he's not the only one who likes to build up an appetite. Plus, I had other reasons for wanting to stall.

"Sorry to burst your bubble,  _commander_ , but you'll have to tame yourself a while longer. We're not fucking in here. It's gross." It was hard to spit out, given that fact that I was already semi-hard, but there was no telling how far he'd go if I didn't say something—we were starving, yes, but this place was unacceptable.

But this side of Erwin, like I said, was a quiet wolf that couldn't be reasoned with. He dipped low and shook his forehead between my shoulder blades, breathing in the scent of my clothes deeply.

My pants had been unbuckled and fell to my ankles. My arms were placed above me and held firmly against the glass of the mirror.

Perhaps I was foolish to think such a plea would work. Desperate to snap him back to himself, I tried another approach: "We'll get caught. Didn't you want to keep me your dirty secret?" We were the only ones in the bar before, but that didn't mean someone else wouldn't come in eventually. Even the bartender might pop in here if we were gone too long.

Erwin was  _very_  paranoid about being too affectionate with me in public, since it wouldn't look good on his part if he got caught screwing around with a thug like me. He's also a total closet case with no intention of coming out anytime soon, so this behavior had me thrown off. Maybe I couldn't translate his body and desires as much as I believed.

Getting caught wasn't actually a problem for me. I had nothing to hide or be penitent about—I lost the ability to be ashamed a long time ago. Generally, I just didn't like fucking in public. I know, it sounds like a lie when you take into account all the times I've had sex in the streets and been plainly seen by strangers in the act, but I was different now. Maybe I was just getting old, but I enjoyed sex more while in the privacy of my own bed, away from the reminder that I resided in his shitty world and just allowed myself to get lost in the sensations. And above all else, at least I knew my own bed was sanitary. Sex was filthy on its own, adding to it by fucking in public wasn't as pleasing.

Nowadays the only time I feel anything was when I had sex. Any other time I just felt hollow inside. Sex gave me time to just feel good and not care about anything else. Everyday I go through the motions of mundane life and I'm lucky if I find amusement in the situations I find myself in once in a while—but disregarding basic emotions, my heart hasn't felt the same warmth I had as a child. I don't think my heart will ever thaw, but sometimes intimacy gave me an artificial feeling of that warmth. It gave me the illusion that someone gave a shit about me—even though all the people I've ever slept with either was ashamed to be seen with me or they were using me. But just for that one moment of blissful climax I felt  _every feeling_  at once—all the emotions that abandon me long ago.

Fuck it. Who cares if we're in a filthy men's restroom. There's no turning back. Hell, I wouldn't  _allow_  him to stop now even if he wanted to. I thought this as the sadistic bastard lathered his fingers up in my mouth deep enough to force a gag out of me, then with no warning he inserted them behind me. I slumped forward and arched my hips, handing myself over completely by granting full access. The grimy mirror became riddled with smudges from my fingertips clawing along it. My hot breath fogged my reflection as he scissored my entrance.

I flinched when his fingers exited me abruptly, but that was nothing compared to the way I jolted up with a pained whine when he shoved his hardness into me raw. Gasping, I slammed my fist against the glass, nearly cracking it. That's right—this Erwin didn't like foreplay and overly-prepping me. This one liked to rip me apart and watch me bleed. Biting my lip to help endure the pain, I tried to put my mind elsewhere to loosen my muscles up—but it was impossible. All I could feel was him stretching me wide and filling me up, pounding into me with mighty thrusts.

My knees were weak and if it wasn't for him holding onto my hips, I surely would have crumbled the same way the walls of my mind had. Finally—the thoughts are off. No more worrying and the paranoia I've felt for days had vanished. I'm lost in the sensations that rush through me like a drug.

Large hands roamed up my shirt again, this time to eagerly tug at a protruding nipple. The tender skin being roughly handled stung, but my bodies reaction to it showed no signs of distress. The pinches caused me to yelp back into his ear and I quickly returned the pain he was giving me by biting on the lobe, but the effort seemed to have fueled him more.

Weak moans poured out of me. If that wasn't enough of a reason to be humiliated, pre-cum was dripping from me, adding another mess to the filthy tile below. I blindly moved my hand down to my cock and pumped as Erwin rammed all this strength into me with no remorse.

Fuck, I'm definitely going to feel this in the morning.

Closing my eyes, I tilted my head to the side so he could feast on my neck. His teeth sank into me. When he pierced my skin he'd suck out my flavor, then abandon the spot in favor of another, leaving behind the wound with a simple lick. Again and again he'd clench into my flesh until there wasn't a spot left unmarked by his territory. By the time I opened my eyes again, my neck was covered in bloody teeth marks and bruises.

I whimpered a curse as I came close to my peek, my hand still stroking in a hasty motion along my swollen cock. To silence the disgraceful sounds, I bit the cuff of my shirt, but there was no stopping the scream building up in my throat—it would surely unleash soon.

"Let me see your face."

My cheek resting against the mirror was jerked away sharply by my hair. I scowled. I barely recognized my own reflection, but when he pressed himself in deeper right on the spot I loved, my mouth dropped and let out a distasteful pitch almost too high to be my own.

I couldn't bear the sight of myself anymore, so I blinked over to Erwin, who had a wild look in his icy eyes. He stared at me intently as he motioned roughly behind me; beads of sweat glided down his cheek and caught onto his stubble. Some might see such an expression as terrifying, but I marked it as the most arousing expressions Erwin ever presented me with. Too bad I couldn't look longer and sketch it into my minds memory, for my eyes rolled to the back of my head when he slapped his hips faster against me. Heavy pants trickled out over my dangling tongue.

I grasped the sink ledge with both hands for leverage, because I surely would fall if I didn't. Erwin looked to be on the verge of collapsing too judging by the way he leaned all his weight down on my back. His grunts and sighs were injected into my wet ear drenched by his tongue.

"Er...win..." I reluctantly cried out his name in a hushed tone as I jerked myself a few more times before filling the sink with my own thick liquids. My legs numbed and I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold his vibrating weight—but with the way his thrust sped up along with his grunts, I knew I wouldn't have to for long.

"I'll beat you senseless if you even _think_  about coming inside me." Usually when we fucked at my place, I didn't mind if Erwin occasionally finished up in me since I routinely bathed after our sessions, but I'd be damned if I'm walking back home with his gunk dripping from my ass.

A disgruntled sigh later he pulled himself out, leaving me feeling empty. He then finished off in his hand with a shivering shout. Just when I thought it was over, he loped his wet fingers to my mouth, smearing the wetness against my lips.

"You did say you like having a dirty mouth."

I licked over the familiar taste, occasionally sucking and nipping on the tips of his fingers until his hand was clean. The dribbling fluid I missed was wiped from my lips and returned to my mouth until there wasn't a drop left.

With the task complete and the heat cooling down, we managed to get our breathing pattern back on track. Erwin zipped up his pants just as I did. My bland nature unfortunately returned to me as I spun around and faced the awkward stare awaiting me.

Having sex in a pubs bathroom is all fun and games until it's over and you're left in the same silent room that was once filled with your erotic sounds. I wouldn't let this petty shyness last long though. I sighed casually. "Don't ever pull something like that again—that was completely uncalled for."

"You seemed to enjoy it."

My mouth opened, but almost immediately the complaint waiting on my tongue was cut off. My lip lowered shut along with my pointed finger.

I couldn't say I didn't like it—the way I lost complete control over myself during sex was a dead giveaway. Pity how I could never conceal that. Any other time I'm a master at keeping a pokerface, but all it took was a dick in my ass to get me gasping like a virgin. I ought've learn some self-control—ew, no, then I would be taking this assholes advice. Looks like he wins either way.

"Just don't do it again. Learn to keep it in your pants until you come home with me, geez."

"Hmph, well what if I said I wanted another round? Does this mean I can come over?"

"No." He's a big boy, let him jack himself off if he was still unsatisfied. I'm not personal glove he can squeeze into every time he seen fit.

"Then it looks like we'll just have to settle for doing it here again." He snaked his arms around me with a promiscuous smirk.

I pushed him away. "Ugh. Fine. You can come over, but you're not sleeping there. Your ass is  _leaving_  as soon as you're finished."

"We'll see about that."

"What'd you say?" I spun back to him just before opening the door. Don't you dare get cocky with me. "Fuck off, blondie. I change my mind. Go pay the tab, I'm leaving."

"I thought you said you were paying?" he smiled, looking down at me like I'm some stupid kid embarrassing myself. That pissed me off beyond belief.

"Yeah well I changed my mind about that too. Have a good night asshole. Don't follow me."

Erwin followed me.

What was even more irritating was that he hummed with a smirk as he did.

I eyed up at him, snarling. "You know, I gave you a pity-fuck because you were depressed. So what's got you happy all of a sudden? I feel like I got ripped off."

"Do you really need to ask at this point? I thought you had it figured out by now."

I did have it all figured out. I just wanted to see his reaction to being put on the spot. For some reason, he would always pop back to himself after sleeping with me, which was extremely irritating because he'd go from being this mysteriously, untamed beast back to being this gentle giant. How lame.

But—there  _was_  something that secretly put me in an equally cheerful mood. As pissed off as I was at Erwin for fucking me back there, I was actually glad that _I_ was worth a  _risk_  for him. He's always been so careful about making sure our intimate relationship wasn't found out, but for once he actually put me before his concerns. We've only ever done it in the open once before, but it was too well-hidden to be considered public sex.

Did this mean he was finally getting over the fear of having to hide me? I know I'm not a perfect human, but I'm better than I used to be. Only in emergencies did I rob or prostitute, and I didn't sell drugs anymore and actually earned money through a job (though it wasn't the most honest living). I still drank a lot, but I wasn't addicted to any drugs. Was he finally noticing all that...? Was that scene back there his way of telling me he's less ashamed of being seen with me?

God, now  _I'm_  sounding lame. Why would I even fucking care how he thinks of me? It's not like I bettered myself for him—I did that all for myself.

I jingled my keyring out of my pocket as we neared my house. After going down the small flight, I inserted the key and pushed open the door—but it only gave way a few inches.

"Shit. One of the kids must have put the chain on. What a pain."

To be fair, I always told them to lock up when I knew I'd be gone a while, but they never did—they'd  _always_  forget to lock the bolt and chain, but of course the one time I was actually coming home at a reasonable hour they'd remember and inconvenience me. I closed it and then felting like moron for having to knock on my own front door. What made standing out here, trying to get to get access to my own home even worse was Erwin's giggling commentary in the background.

"That's adorable—you've really taken a liking to those kids, haven't you?"

"Tch. Are kidding me? I can't stand them. Feel free to take them from my hands if you think they're so  _adorable._ "

Erwin snapped from his smile when his eyes moved downward. "Oh—Levi. Wait." He moved his hand up close to me and I shrank away, confused.

"...What?"

"Your neck...I'm sorry."

Lost in his words, I pressed my fingers along the ached skin until it clicked. " _You asshole._ "

"I said I was sorry—anyway, you might want to keep that out of the kids view for a while. Wouldn't want them to think there's a vampire in the neighborhood."

He chuckled lightheartedly. Look at this fuck, I want to punch the smile off his face and maybe some teeth while I was at it.

I grunted and pulled out a cloth from my coats inner-pocket—all while Erwin stared at me quizzically. Even more so when I wrapped it around my neck.

"What's that—a scarf?"

"It's a cravat, you uncultured barbarian."

"Your insults get better by the day—by the way, that actually suits you."

I just looked at him dully in reply after securely tying it, then ruffled it a bit so it wouldn't wrinkle against my coat.

Lately I've been holding onto it, especially when I left the house. I didn't like to think of myself as the sentimental type, but I did miss my friends and keeping this close to me was a reminder of them. If one thing was certain; I never, _ever_  wanted to forget them. This cravat helped keep their memory close to me.

Unfortunately, the special item had to be used to conceal this bastards teeth marks because the last thing I needed was the kids questioning me about it—and oh boy did they  _love_  to fucking question me. It was bad enough they completely pampered me because of my wounds. I didn't want to give them another reason to spark up their curiosity and  _compassionate charity;_ I use the term loosely because mainly it was just an annoyance.

I pounded the door once more, but when my fist was nearing the final knock, the door swished open, leaving my balled hand floating in the air with no place to go.

"Sorry I didn't hear you before, I was in the bathroom."

"What else is new." I sighed pass Eren and the door slammed behind me.

As I turned, the words I was about to say abandoned me when the listener was no where to be found. I scanned the entrance area—something was missing from the picture.

Oh... _fuck._

Eren folded his arms, his brows tightly puckered, matching his pouting lips. His back was pressed against the door firmly.

"Let him in, Eren."

"No."

" _Eren._ "

For a year now I routinely brought back Erwin to my place with no problems. My friends would simply offer him a beer or make small talk with him when he came over, but now things weren't as simple. Eren, despite the fact that we already discussed this topic, still hated the idea of Erwin and I together. Even though I explained that him and I weren't in a relationship or even had romantic feelings, he still pulled a stunt like this. What a moron.

I cupped his shoulder, pushed him to the side and went for the knob. The brat tried to squirm his way back into control of the situation, but the door was already open with Erwin standing their with a the most confused smile you can imagine.

"Sorry about that. This brat here gets rowdy when it's past his bedtime." I stared at Eren sharply. "Isn't that right?"

"Don't talk to me like I'm a little kid!"

If only he knew how much that made him sound  _more_  like a little kid. I backed up, giving room for Erwin to step into the threshold. Eren gave him a threatening gaze, but it looked so puny when you take into account that his and Erwin's height was extraordinary contrasting, making him look like a tiny constipated bug. If anything, Erwin probably thought the intimidating expression was cute.

"As you can see, I have company. Go to bed."

But did the brat comply with my order? No. He waddled his ass over to the couch and sat. Erwin and I exchanged looks, but I couldn't bear the baffled sight anymore. It was pathetic how much Eren was stirring up the room for no reason other than to be annoying.

" _I said go to bed_."

"Not tired." Eren's narrowing eyes never strayed off Erwin, who was moving deeper into the living room. The kid gave a look that suggested he was thinking:  _"how dare you come into my home?"_  You know, despite the fact it was  _my_  damn house.

"At least go to your room and read a book or something."

"Make me."

Oh I'll fucking  _make him_  alright. I'm having none of his attitude tonight.

Erwin chuckled, trying to lighten the heavy aura between Eren and I with a sarcastic remark. "Looks like you're under full control of him, Levi."

" _Shut up,_  I'm not a little kid. He can't  _control_  me."

My mouth dropped. I couldn't believe he just told the commander of the Survey Corps to  _shut up_. Sure, I said worse to him, but that's because I knew him personally. Eren wasn't in the same standing as me.

"If you don't want to be labeled as a kid, then don't fucking act like one. And show a little more respect to Erwin. You want to join the Survey Corps, right? Well you can start off by showing a high ranked officer some respect, brat."

Erwin blinked at me, surprise painted on his features. I was surprised too, but it wasn't so much about defending Erwin; this kid just needed to learn to show some damn decency and it was the perfect opportunity to scold him.

Hoping off the couch with a roaring groan, he pointed his stubby finger to Erwin. "Don't do anything gross."

"I-I didn't plan on it?" he huffed nervously. "Surely Levi would scold me if I did, isn't that right?" he looked to me, and all I could do was stand there and anticipate Eren's reply.

"No,  _you know_  what I'm talking about."

"I do?"

He nodded and cupped his mouth, whispering something too low for my ears to pick up. He left, leaving behind Erwin looking like a stunned victim.

Once Eren went to his room and slammed the door, I stepped up to Erwin, arms folded and eyes rolling. "What the hell did he say to you?"

He gulped. "...He told me not to have sex with you and that your ass belongs to him...uh—Levi? Where are you going?"

I'll fucking kill him.

"What the fuck is wrong with that gigantic head of yours?" I thrashed open his bedroom door, but as I was stomping near his bed he was seated on, my foot was stabbed with a belt buckle on the floor. I hissed and kicked the thing away—but that's when I noticed that his room looked completely upside down.

"You need to clean this room." My anger moved elsewhere when I took note of the disgusting ray of dirty laundry, trash and dust coating the floor. I don't care if he's still sulking from rejection, that's no excuse for letting this room get so out of hand.

"You're so meticulous."

I heaved my head back, letting a sharp exhale slip out dryly. "Where'd that come from? Never thought I would hear you say a word bigger than two syllables."

"I've been reading your  _boring_  books." He grimaced.

"Why are you being so cranky? You're worse than a girl on the rag."

"A girl on the wha—"

"— _Nothing_." Hell no. It will be a cold day in hell before touched that subject. Besides, that topic was completely out of my jurisdiction. "At least you picked up a hobby that doesn't involve burning down the kitchen."

He shrugged. "Nothing better to do."

"I'll give you something to do all right:  _clean this pigsty._

"Ugh." He flopped back, arms sprawled as he kicked his stubby legs. "But I'm tiiired~"

One second he's playing a role in a ridiculously sad excuse of a love triangle, and now he's apparently exhausted. "What are you, narcoleptic?"

He snored in reply. Thanks, that answered my question perfectly. Reluctantly, I mazed through the mess and threw the blanket on him with no effort put in. I guess I'll have to yell at him for the little scene he pulled tomorrow. I went back into the living room and shook my head at Erwin.

"Fuckin' kids. Why do people willingly have them?"

"So humanity wouldn't cease to exist."

"Thanks,  _Commander Obvious_. Anyway—" I side glanced away, my body heating up. "If you haven't noticed, I'm tense."

He took longer than I thought he would to catch onto my hint, but he curled one side of his lip with his eyes hooded playfully when he finally grabbed onto what I was suggesting. "Is that so? I think I can fix that."

It goes without saying that Erwin made a mess of me all night long.

** ~x~ **

I groaned at my clock. Eight in the fucking morning—why the hell am I being woken up this early? Barely able to breathe due to my lungs being crushed, I shoved Erwin's big ass body off me, along with his soft dick still partially inside me. Look at us old men falling asleep during sex. In our defense, we did it five times last night. We wore each other out and deserved the sleep, but unfortunately I wasn't a deep sleeper like him.

I groaned again when I realized I never actually been present around Erwin the morning after—he only slept over once before but he was gone by the time I woke up. At least he was sleeping so I'll deal with _that_ later. Right now, I had to answer the knock at my bedroom door. After throwing on a robe, I opened it just a crack and peeked through, looking down at a bundle of black hair.

"That weird lady is knocking at the door. I knew you were sleeping so I tried to ignore her, but she's very persistent."

What a  _wonderful_ way to start off the day. In all seriousness, what the hell does _she_  want? I rubbed my temple in preparation before greeting that enthusiastic lunatic.

Tightening the straps around my waist, I squeezed out of the door so Mikasa couldn't get a glimpes inside; not that she would react to seeing Erwin in my room anyways—if it was Eren on the other hand, I'd have a problem. But when I walked past the living room and kitchen without seeing him, it was safe to assume he was still sleeping. Or maybe he was in the bathroom jacking off like he usually did, who knows, who cares.

"Levi~! How's it going?" Hanji, standing there twinkle-eyed, chirped like a pesky bird that wouldn't shut up upon opening the door.

"I was sleeping. What do you want, shitty-glasses." Unfortunately for me, my death glare wasn't effectively working on Hanji today; if it had she would have went running. It was bad enough I was getting horrible sleep from all these foreboding thoughts haunting me lately, but just when I finally got knocked out by a workout with Erwin last night, she comes and wakes me up. I don't have any luck.

"Good to see you're such a chipper morning person—I was scared for a minute." She winked at me. I groaned. "You wouldn't happen to have my jacket I forgot here, would you?"

I looked up recall, then back to her nodding. "Oh, yeah. I washed it. It was filthy. Come in."

I yawned into my hand and dragged my feet back into my bedroom teary eyed. Did I mention I was tired? Because I walked right into an impending headache that was completely avoidable, and yet I never saw it coming.

I ruffled through the bottom of one of the draws where I placed Hanji's jacket for safe keeping, telling myself I'd return it but kept forgetting. The neatly folded article of clothing was in my hands. I spun to Hanji, who was standing at the arch of the door. But her mind and sight was somewhere other than the jacket I was handing her. With her eyes round, her bottom lip dropped.

"Holy shit—Levi... _Levi, Oh my God_."

Setting the jacket down on the dresser, I smacked my forehead, trying to force the stupid out of me. Completely memorized by the sight of Erwin exposed chest breathing steadily, Hanji pointed like a dumbass at him, cheeks red and smile wide. She looked like she wanted to say everything at once yet her throat was clogged.

"Why are you so surprised? I already told you about him."

"But...Levi...he's actually right there. I mean, I believed you, but couldn't believe it, you know what I'm saying? Oho~ now I know why you're cranky, I would be too if someone took me away from a scene like this...heuheu~"

"...Take your slimy jacket and get out of my house."

After a final glance, she picked up the jacket and fully intended on just leaving—but when I heard a grog and a shift in the bedsheets, I knew it was game over. I really didn't have any luck. Not an ounce of it.

"What...the hell is going on?" Erwin sat up, covering himself like a hooker caught in the act by police.

Hanji gasped, looking at me and back to a freshly awoken Erwin. "Nothing at all! I'm just a figment of your imagination~" She waved her hands around mystically. "You're still sleeping~Ooo~"

I propped up against the dresser, dipping my sight down from the scene so I wouldn't get secondhand-embarrassment. "He might  _look_  like one, but he's not a moron, Hanji."

"Good point...Ah, but it's a nice morning we're having, isn't it commander?" She hummed casually. I was really in for it now, judging by the sullen stare he gave me that made me gulp hard. With a curled lip he turned back to her with a milder gaze.

"...And who are you?"

"Excuse my disrespect sir!" Popping up as if she remembered something important, she clicked her heels together and saluted. "I'm Hanji Zoe, future recruit of the Survey Corps! I look forward to working with you in the future~!"

Erwin sunk his head in his palm while mumbling, "You have to be kidding me..."

Oh, I bet he's just _thrilled_  to hear that he'll be fighting alongside someone who knows his dirty secret. I would have found it amusing if I didn't know I was in for a lengthy lecture about my conspicuous behavior.

Even so, it's actually entertaining to see Erwin this rattled, but I knew I'd be chewed out for it. That's the price that must be paid to witness such an incident.

"She's  _also_  a friend of mine." I added and stared at him, my face telling him to relax and not get worked up over something so small—but my expressions weren't very effective today it seems; it didn't work.

He clicked his tongue and just gave me a look.

He's  _pissed_.

Yup, I'm definitely going to be chewed out for this, and not in the good way either. I can hear his bitching already.

I bumped myself onto Hanji, resulting in her backing up out the door. "I think it's best you leave."

"...Right—but we should go out for drinks later!" She ducked down to my ear and whispered, "I want to hear all the dirty details. Hehe~"

"Can't. I have work tonight. Maybe another time." I continuously pushed her dead weight out the door. But she whipped her head back and kept talking.

"Work? You can't be serious...oh and see you later Mr. Commander sir—" I slammed the door on her and wiped my hands together. Now that the trash has been taken out, I could take care of other pesky matters.

"What was the meaning of that, Levi? You know how I feel about people knowing about us."

In silence, I bit my bottom lip. That self-inflicted sting was nothing compared to those words. Yes, I know you're ashamed of me—no need to rub it in. Just when I thought he didn't care anymore—I guess I was wrong.

I ran my palm over my scruff and sat back on the bed. "As I said, she's a friend—someone I  _trust_. It's not a big deal."

"Trust doesn't mean anything. I trusted you about keeping our affair a secret and you just broke that trust."

My heart pumped with irritability. He really goes to great lengths to keep his perverted relationship with me hush-hush, doesn't he?

"Wait, let me get this straight: my friend can't see you sleeping naked in my bed but fucking in a public toilet is acceptable?"

Disappointed, he shook his head. I could tell he was fed up— _why_  I couldn't figure out, but it made me share a mutual feeling.

"I was drunk, you know that. But regardless if she's a friend or not, it was uncalled for. Not to pick at healing wounds or anything, but your old friends were an exception since they were in the same class as you, so I didn't mind. But I don't know anything about the person that was just here—seriously, she better not spread a word. I care about you Levi, I really do, but—"

"Don't fucking finish that sentence."

I knew how the speech would end—but that's not what made me shut him up. I needed time to think about what he just said. What did he mean by "the same class"? Did he not care that my friends knew about us fucking around because they were worthless punks like me who didn't matter? How dare him. There was no other way I could take it now that my rage was leaking out. Maybe I was being irrational, but there was no other excuses I could come up with at this time.

Frankly, I was sick of making excuses for him.

_No one could know about us because it'll compromise his rank._

_No one could know about us because he's ashamed of his sexual orientation._

_No one could know about us because I'm a filthy thug rejected from society._

All these fucking excuses were becoming tiring.

I know I'm probably just a tool for him. If he couldn't use me as a weapon in the Survey Corps, then he'd use me as a stress relief. One way or another he was getting something out of me. I never noticed it before, but Erwin wasn't much different than all the others I've slept with. I always held him above the rest, thinking we had a great physical connection, but when it came down to it I was just being used again. Why this discovery was coming to me  _now_ of all times was unclear—but it was long overdue. Call it the final straw, if you will.

He claims to care about me and even though a part of me is dumb enough to believe it's true, it still hurt that he's so ashamed of people knowing about our affair. I know it's a private matter, but fuck. The bastard managed to hurt me, and it takes  _a lot_  to accomplish that.

All of this wasn't new news to me, but it did just hit me for the first time. I suppose I was too blinded by lust to realize. I know I'm no prize package, but he could be a little more subtle about saying he doesn't want anyone knowing we have a relationship—whatever this fucking train wreak of a relationship was to begin with.

It wasn't even the fact that he didn't want anyone to know that hurt me, (because I could understand that) it's how worked up he gets about it—like people knowing about us is the worse possible scenario he could find himself in. This isn't the first time this happened, either.

One time in particular I was hit with a rare affectionate mood triggered by intoxication. It was during a time in my life where I was actually content. My friends were alive and gave me pleasant company, I had a steady income coming in from a less crooked source and I was sleeping with a guy that I labeled as a good catch. I just wanted to hold the bastards arm while we walked back to my place but he pushed me away and walked on ahead. He was fine being seen in public together, but  _heaven forbid_  if we were closer than arms reach from each other.

I know it seems stupid—I knew from the beginning that this was just a sexual relationship between us, but there was a part of me hidden away that was shining brightly now, telling me that my sensitivity wasn't without reason.

The bed creaked and I soon felt a presence behind me. I sealed my eyes tight as my robe slipped off my shoulders. Light kisses were left on all the aching marks left on me from last night.

"I suggest you stop, Erwin. You're pissing me off."

The pecks paused so the same lips could let out a confused, "What?"

I shook my head, deciding against explaining myself. I decided long ago that I never wanted a romantic partner, meaning I never intended on seeing Erwin like that. I don't know why I was expecting him to react any differently right now. Of course he wouldn't ask me what was wrong and talk to me, he'd just fuck it out of me, just like I fucked all his problems out of him.

Sometimes, I wish our relationship was more than humorous insults, drunk talks and sex. Don't get me wrong, that's a  _great_  relationship to have, but after a year of it, it gets stale, especially when that same person doesn't want the relationship—that was a pathetic excuse of one from the start—to be known by a soul. In other words, he was ashamed of whatever we did have together.

I guess a part of me was conceited enough to believe that Erwin  _might_ have seen me differently, that maybe he  _did_  have deeper feelings hiding somewhere—but those ideas were probably conceived from all the generic kindness and mind-blowing sex. I mistook the gestures as something more.

I never took a second to really think about how _I_  felt or how  _he_  actually felt. Even if I couldn't return any feelings now, maybe I would build some up in the distance future. That's something I subconsciously wanted to happen, but never admitted due to not believing such a crazy idea myself. It was such a stupid thing to hope for, wasn't it?

I like Erwin. I even respect the nut for what he does, but like I pondered last night, I was fluent in the way he carried himself, meaning it was all so painful predictable. Maybe I was just getting old, but meaningless sex—although it does the trick while it's happening—might not be enough for me. What if I  _did_ want something more out of this relationship? How would he handle that?

I slouched my face down into my palms. What the fuck am I even thinking. Maybe I'm just worn out. Maybe that's where these thoughts are coming from. Since when did I need emotional connection with someone? Wasn't it always just about sex in the end? Well, that's all I've ever know, really, if you exclude my friends who were the only people I actually had a connection with without the need of sex to fuel the relationship. That's the type of connection I thought I had with Erwin (or would have eventually), but now I wasn't so sure.

All this time, even after all my efforts of convincing myself otherwise, in the end I  _did_  actually have feelings for Erwin, didn't I? What a fucking realization.

I swallowed hard, probably in an attempt to wash down the words that threatened to be heard. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." The word breezed up against the nape of my neck and I closed my eyes as I said something I will surely regret.

"I know we've touched this subject in the past, but I just need to confirm." I combed my bangs back with a deep inhale. "What exactly am I to you?"

The room became unbearably quiet for minutes that ticked by like hours. I knew the fucking answer, why did I ask?

"You're someone I selfishly take advantage of."

"What kind of fucking answer is that?" What answer was I expecting? That was the real question. This is why I buried emotions. It's so much easier than dealing with them directly.

"I can't say 'I love you' or anything like that—if you want honestly, then all I can say is I care about your well-being and I think you're an incredibly strong person, but I am ashamed of the choices you make. You could do so much better, but you've succumbed to a questionable way of life. I know it's not entirely your fault. You were dealt a fair share of bad hands in life, but I'm disappointed you don't try to better yourself when you have opportunities."

His hand that was previously cupping my shoulder was brushed off me violently. I cocked my neck around and eyed him directly. "You need to realize those aren't  _your_  choices to make. You may have authority over your men on the battlefield that will jump into a Titan's mouth if you give the order, but you don't have any control over me. Besides—I didn't ask for your opinion on my life. I wanted to know how  _you_  seen me, not how you  _want_  to see me."

"You wanted the truth, and I gave it to you. That's how I think of you."

"So you pity me and think I'm stupid for not following your commands." I shook my head stiffly in disbelief. What is he trying to say? He wouldn't be ashamed of me if I was an entirely different person than I am now? I know my lifestyle is filthy and crooked, but that's how I was raised. That's what molded me into the person I am today—it wasn't an accomplishment, but that was all I had. And he wanted me to just get rid of it all? I'd have nothing left if I did that.

"Levi, listen. You know I care about you a lot and I'd do anything to help you. My intention wasn't to anger you, I just didn't want to feed you bullshit."

I turned my head forward and never looked back. "Well you failed. Get the fuck out."

A defeated sigh later, I heard the rustling noise of Erwin getting dressed and leaving without another word. I sat on the edge of the bed for a long while in pure silence. I held my head throbbing with a headache. About an hour passed and I couldn't even remember why I was so pissed off, yet the feeling didn't subside.

I wasn't meant to ever get close to others. I should have learned that lesson after I lost my parents. I get too fucking attached, regardless of my efforts not to. Then when they leave me, I'm left behind feeling more and more hopeless. Sometimes it feels like people enter my life just so they can be taken away from me.

Eren yawned into my room without knocking and his heavy stomps against the floor triggered a greater ache to consume my head.

"Good morning."

" _Get. Out_."

"Oh so cold." He wasn't fazed even slightly. "Since you're up I might as well get this over with. I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry."

I looked up in time to see him fiddling with his fingers. "What did you do  _this time_?"

"N-Nothing! I was apologizing for last night." He threw his palms up, waving them frantically. "I know I was being really immature and dumb. You have every reason to be mad at me."

"It's fine. I don't care anymore." I returned my sight back into my lap, watching my balled hands practically tear the fabric of my robe.

"You okay?"

"I'm fantastic. Can you leave now?"

Eren, as usual, had a habit of doing the complete opposite of what I said and plopped himself next to me on the bed, studying me carefully. Cornering a glance on him, his bottom lips dropped a little, but I could tell he was trying to keep his emotions blank. "Where'd all those marks come from?"

Why must he be so observant. Fussily, I rejoined my robe over my shoulders and covered my neck far enough to cover my frown. Instead of Eren persisting on the subject, he flopped his head against my shoulder and sighed obnoxiously. "I don't know what you're sulking about, but I can tell you that there's better days ahead. A nice guy like you will be rewarded eventually. I promise."

"Your stupidity is flattering."

He stuck his tongue out at me with a bratty squint, but his expression lighted up when he stood and grabbed hold of me with a warm hand. "Come on, I'll make you breakfast."

If only Eren knew I called him stupid in situations like this to hide the fact I found him incredibility smart. It's almost pathetic how a twelve year old boy can read me and know the prefect thing to say while I'm upset but a grown man I've been physically intimate with for a year now can't. I know Erwin didn't mean any harm—just an ounce of "tough love" perhaps, but he could be so ice cold sometimes. Perhaps that's how he manages his position in the Survey Corps. He probably lost his heart a long time ago.

Something Erwin doesn't realize is when someone is pissed off, they don't always want the harsh truth. It's best to be gentle with your words and let honesty shine when both parties have a clear head. Besides, I didn't want the truth he gave me, I just wanted to know how  _he felt_ —if he even  _had_  any feelings for me to begin with.

I've been drowned by his two personalities for a year now, I guess I just got the wrong impression about him—I thought he seen me as something more and the fact that it  _even_   _bothered_  me that he didn't annoyed me to no end. To be frank, I'm disappointed in myself.

"Where's Mikasa?" After walking through the living room and the kitchen, the two places she'd normally dwell, I came to the conclusion she wasn't here.

"Oh, she went out shopping. She also said she's hunting for another part-time job for us too, so she might be gone for a while."

I sank back into the dinning chair. "You kids never listen. I said you didn't need to work to earn your keep. And I believe I already made it clear that I don't want you guys going out without me."

"It's fine, we used to go on errands all the time by ourselves back in Shiganshina."

"This isn't the Shiganshina District. From the outside it might seem peaceful with all the nobles around, but it's not safe for kids to wander around alone."

Eren set a cup of coffee in front of me and was smart enough to leave it black so I could add my own amount of sugar to it.

"You should give us more credit, we're tough. We can handle ourselves in a bind."

". . . . . ." I sipped silently.

It's not that I didn't think they were capable of running simple errands alone, I just didn't trust this neighborhood. I grew up here and had nothing but one bad experience after another. People liked to prey on those who looked weak, meaning kids were a main target. I was what you'd call a tough kid too, but that didn't change the fact that I was often victimized.

Eren hummed as he searched the kitchen, pulling out enough ingredients that would feed a family of ten. "Most of this stuff is going to go bad soon, so I might as well use it up. I hope you don't mind having a big breakfast."

"I'm not actually hungry, so good luck eating it all yourself."

Before I knew it, Eren was standing in front of me, his hand on his hip with a low scolding gaze. "Don't think I haven't noticed you barely eating lately." He closed his concerned eyes and scoffed. "Honestly, this is why you're so short. It's a lack of nutrition!"

"If you haven't noticed, I'm taller than you."

"And if you haven't noticed, I'm twelve." He spun back around to the stove, leaving me thinking about his lecture.

Maybe...he's right. Probably all those damn sweets I ate when as a teenager stunt my growth. I didn't have much choice though, I had to eat whatever I could and you can't exactly get healthy meals while living on the street.

While thinking this, Eren had whipped up the first batch of breakfast and sat down, devouring his plate as I stared at mine.

"See, this is why I'm going to be taller than you in a few years." He said while chewing a mouthful. "I actually eat right, unlike you. When I fully hit puberty I will grow like a weed."

"Keep telling yourself that. Just letting you know, I was  _taller_  than you by the time I was your age. Let that sink in."

"So, what," he paused to swallow, "did you stop growing at thirteen or something?"

He chuckled at his own joke and I kicked his shin under the table.

I did stop growing at thirteen.

"What the heck was that for? I'm just saying the truth! My parents were tall, so that means I will be too!"

"My father was over six foot and my mother was considered tall for a woman." I said simply.

". . . . . ." He gave me a petrified stare. This was a sight of a broken man that just lost his last shred of hope. "T-That doesn't mean anything..."

"Yes it does. It means you can't go by genetics."

Angrily, he started shoving food into his mouth. At this rate if he doesn't outsize me in height, he will in weight. "Just you watch, I'll be a Titan compared to your size in no time!"

"Yeah okay Titan-boy. Go wipe your mouth."

We ate quietly after that, only breaking the silence when Eren would pester me about not eating enough. I would have found it annoying, but it was almost sweet hearing the be kid so attentive.

"Oh Levi! I just realized something! It's New Years Eve!"

"Is that right?" I wasn't even aware of the date to be honest, but it would surely be one to cherish once the new year officially came and brought a storm with it.

"We should stay up until midnight and celebrate!"

"Looks like you and Mikasa will be the only ones celebrating, I have work tonight."

Funny how every time I mentioned  _work_ , his cheeks would glow red and he'd stutter like an idiot. "T-That's too bad..."

I moved on from the topic when something occurred to me too. "The last thing you should be thinking about is celebrating. Don't think I forgot about the disgusting wasteland you call a bedroom. You better clean it up when you're finished eating."

"Hmm, alright, I'll do it. But what do I get in return?"

"...You get to keep your bones unbroken." Was he really expecting a _reward_  for keeping his room tidy? Wasn't that suppose to be a given? Judging by the twinkling look in his eyes, he had something specific in mind.

"Real funny—but I'm serious. I want a reward, the kind you can only get on New Years."

"And what is that, exactly?" I wasn't saying yes or no, I was simply curious about what he was rambling on about.

"I know you're going to say no, but please just hear me out—I want a New Years kiss."

"No."

"I knew it..." Disappointed, he stabbed his remaining food with his fork, then mumbled, "What about on the cheek... That's like a family kiss..."

". . . . . ."

He perked up, smiling like a cocky bastard as he sung out: "You're thinking about it~"

I sighed and swallowed the rest of my coffee that had now chilled. "I'll tell you what, if you clean the  _whole_ house top to bottom and there isn't a  _single speck_  of dust anywhere by the time I come back from work, then I'll do it."

"Really?! It's a deal!" His cheeks dusted with a pink hue and I immediately felt bad, because his efforts would be in vain. There was no way he'd get the house  _that_  clean, only I was capable of that. But who knows, the brat often surprised me. I guess we'll just have to see how badly he wants this 'new years kiss'.

** ~x~ **

Just two hours before the clock hands hit midnight and brought on the new shitty year, I was finishing up my first routine down at the club. It's been a busy night, the whole joint was packed beyond capacity and I was sure that the bars supply of liquor would be dried out by the end of my shift. New Years Eve, for some people, meant partying and getting shit-faced and it was an added bonus if you could do all that along with watching complimentary dancers.

I've already had my fair share of booze tonight—the moment I walked in, I ordered a few shots of my favorite brand of vodka and had a couple mugs of beer as I got ready backstage.

When I looked in the mirror, I curled my lip in disgust. Not that this wasn't something out of the ordinary that should be pointed out; I hated seeing my reflection, that was nothing new. But my focus was on all the marks coating my body, left over from Erwin's rough-handling last night. I didn't really care what those low lives out there thought about me, but for the sake of any dignity I had left, I decided to at least cover my bruised-up neck with the cravat since that's where I took the most damage.

The rest of my body wasn't half as bad; just a few bites and hickies here and there. But if I had to keep my jacket on to cover them up, my tips would surely suffer and the crowd would whine. I was having none of that.

I took my time on stage tonight. I wasn't in a rush to leave like usual. My performance wasn't the wild, fast pace show I'm known for. I didn't do any impressive spins or balancing acts. I just let my body find a rhythm it was comfortable with and went with it. Besides, I was far too drunk to pull off my common stunts, but I didn't hear any complains.

Over the course of time that I've been working here, my regular customers caught on that I liked to smoke on stage, so they'd often leave my favorite brand of cigarettes on the stage for me. I scissored one between two fingers and crawled to the end of the stage. After setting it between my lips, it only took a brief moment for a number of lighters to appear and ignite my cigarette at once. Pathetic how much they try to impress me even though I'll never regard anything but their money.

Taking a deep drag, I centered my gaze on the red glowing ash slowly burning the paper and then rolled to my back. The thick smoke floating around me shifted with my body as I did.

I wrapped my legs around the pole and used it to sweep myself across the floor. Shifting up to my knees, I thrusted my pelvis into the pole, swinging my hips as I did. I propped out my ass and teased it in front of all the perverts skirting around me. Since it's such a busy night, I intend to take full advantage of it and earn a good paycheck tonight.

But it seems that I rewarded them too much because someone just had to ruin the fun for everyone.

Followed my a cheering "Woo!" was a quick spank on my ass.

I tried. I tried  _so fucking hard_  to keep my hands clean tonight, but it looks like I'll have to mop up the floor with the poor bastards blood who dared to touch me.

With the pole as an aid, I lifted myself up and turned around, directly eying my customers for the first time this evening. Some of them shrunk back, either they were handsy victims of the past that knew the consequences, or they were there to bear witness to what I'm capable of when the rule about touching the dancers was broken.

But no one died tonight, because when I saw my refection in two lenses, my rage turned into curiosity. I knelled into a perch, not feeling a tad bit ashamed, and poked her forehead.

"What're you doing here, shitty-glasses?" I slurred.

"I'll explain later! Keep shaking that booty!" Hanji roared and smacked bills down on the stage eagerly.

If I wasn't drunk, this 'new customer' might have rattled me, but then again, this was  _Hanji;_ someone who knew a number of things I actively tried to hide. "Where you the one who touched my ass?"

"...It just looked like it was begging to be spanked." There wasn't an ounce of shame on her face or tone.

"Oi, how come she can touch you but when I do I get kicked in the face?" A customer in the back shouted.

"Yeah!" A few guys agreed in sync.

"This is why I prefer the other strippers," one man started, "they actually strip down to the bone and let you do whatever you want if you got the cash. Levi's just a fucking cock-tease."

"Oh shut up already," Hanji darted her head back to the crowd. "Levi is a classy man, you're all just mad because you _wish_  you could get a piece of that ass!"

"I already did, bitch."

"Me too."

"Same there."

"I fucked him three times already."

". . . . . ."

After the murmurs of confessions silenced, Hanji threw a look up at me, her glasses set at the end of her nose. "...Seriously Levi? You won't let them touch you during a show but you'll screw them? You have weird priorities."

"In my defense, that was  _years_  ago. These assholes are bringing up ancient history."

"That's not what you said last month."

As _classy_  as possible, I kicked the bragger square in the face and hoped off the stage. I locked my arm with Hanji. "I need another drink."

"You seem buzzed enough, you can barely can walk."

I paused my stride and lifted my foot. "Have you ever tried walking gracefully in heels this high while drunk? Shits impossible."

"Whoa, you  _gotta_  teach me how to walk in heels!" She squealed over the chatter as we approached the bar. "I'm not fully a woman if I don't learn! Please Levi!"

"Stop begging me before I even give a damn answer. It's annoying."

She sat down on the stool, calming down a bit. "Does that mean you'll teach me?"

"No." I sat beside her and waved my hand at the bartender. "Shot of vodka...wait, no. Just give me a mug of it."

"You're so cruel. It makes me wonder why you have so many fans." She puffed out her cheeks and pouted. If I can learn how to walk in heels myself, she can to. Heels sucked anyways—it made me wonder why girls willingly wore them. The only reason I bothered wearing them at work was because they somehow made it easier to pull off my tricks. Had no idea why, though. Maybe it was the height advantage or something.

"They're not fans, they're perverts."

"Still...you seem close to them all." She nudged me with a wink, trying to be playful about it but she had no way of knowing that it was a touchy subject for me.

I nursed my drink when it was set before me. "I only slept with them for money. I don't even know their names. Besides, I wasn't lying when I said it happened years ago. Except that one asshole—let's just say it was a slow night and my rent was due in the morning."

"Hey, no need to explain. There's no judgment coming from me. We all do what he need to get by. Sleeping with people for money isn't half as bad as what I do."

I needed to be drunker to hear this. I slugged down a massive gulp. "I'm almost afraid to ask because I know you're into some pretty weird shit—"

"No need to ask because I'm telling you anyways!" She turned the volume of her voice down and came in close to my ear with a whisper. "I sell organs to the black market."

"I knew it."

"Ehh?!" She entered a mode of utter distress. Her arms flapped around frantically. "Is it that obvious?!"

"Nah. It's just when I first met you, I was under the impression that you were going to cut out my organs and sell them."

She nodded with a smirk, looking away longingly. I'm not going to lie, that look freaked me out.

"If you died from that fall I would have. Or even if you just got slight brain damage. I'm not that picky—why waste good organs? That's always the best case scenario because the organs are nice and fresh and not coming from a rotten corpse that's been dead a while." Casually, as if she didn't just tell me she intended to sell parts of me, she threw her head back and chugged down some rum. "Uwa~! That's the stuff!"

Let's just hope that heat staining her cheeks wasn't a blush and was just the booze fevering her skin.

"You're full of surprises, Hanji."

"Says the one that was just shaking his ass on stage. Why didn't you tell me you worked here? I would have loved to watch your performances!"

"Wait. Let's back up a second. Did you know I was here or did you just stumble in here by chance?"

She gulped down the rest of her rum in a hurry and coughed in reply. "Oh, right. Eren told me."

I choked right along with her and the booze almost squirted from my nose. That stung like a bitch. " _What?_ "

She laughed, smacking her fist on the counter. Looks like she gets drunk even faster than me. "He's such a cute kid, I swear." She looked up in recall, grinning. "I had no one to celebrate New Years with, so I had nothing better to do and went over your house. I knew you were working but I thought I'd keep the kids company. We talked a while and I asked about your job and  _out of no where_  Eren just _blurs ou_ t that you're a stripper and recited the way to the club like he had it memorized or something, hahaha!"

I can just imagine him standing there, sweating like an idiot and stuttering with his skin dyed red. There's not a doubt in my mind that said he didn't run into the bathroom after being reminded of my occupation.

Before I could mentally tease the hormonal fool further, my thoughts were replaced with the memory of him sleeping soundly in my bed. Eren and I took a nap together earlier because I woke up far too early and needed one in order to survive work tonight and he was set on the idea of staying up all night.

The look of disappointment on his face was down right depressing when Mikasa informed him that he'd be celebrating on his own she didn't want to ruin her sleep schedule. At least Hanji gave him some company for a while—it probably lifted his spirits a bit.

"So long story short, I thought I'd pop by and see ya'."

"Well, you're welcome here, just don't touch my ass again."

"No promises."

Hanji and I ordered another round and as we waited for our drinks, she let another chuckle pour from her. "Eren is a real character though, I'll tell ya'. The whole time I was there, he never sit still for a second! He kept cleaning the whole house like a maniac!"

I cupped my palm under my cheek, humming in my throat thoughtfully. Looks like he's really working for the bet we established. My mind didn't dwell on it long and simply set it to the side as a future failure on his part. My thoughts drifted to Hanji, thinking it was strange that an exciting individual like her didn't have anyone other than bratty kids to hang out with on New Years Eve—then again, I didn't either. We went on to talk about the kids more and after a while, the conversation drifted to one less pleasant—one I really didn't want to touch right now.

"That reminds me. About earlier—I'm sorry if I caused you and Erwin any trouble, he looked kind of ticked off by the time I was leaving..."

"It had nothing to do with you at all. Nothing to apologize for. It's a problem between him and I." I could never place the blame on Hanji for something like that. For starters, it was my fault for even leading her to my room while knowing he was there, but for one, I was half asleep and two, I saw Hanji as a friend so I figured he wouldn't mind. I was wrong and got offended over a rule I already knew.

The night before I let lust conquer my mind and I got the impression that he was starting to loosen up about the strict rule of keeping me concealed from his personal life. Even so, it all came down to both his and my own fault.

To put it simply, I was too sensitive and he wasn't sensitive enough.

She stared at me for a while, questions painted all over her. Just as I easily glimpsed into her mind, she did the same and read my evident stress. "You guys didn't break up, right?"

I chortled into my glass bitterly. "We were never _together_  to begin with. We just hook up, that's all. I think we just need a break from the routine, is all."

"I see. So you're friends with benefits, huh." She locked her fingers together. "You really have no special feelings for him? None at all?"

I stared into the pit of my glass drearily. "No."

I wasn't even fucking sure anymore about my feelings anymore. Lately they've all been so messy and unorganized and it made me want to peel out of my own skin. Last I checked, I  _feared_  that Erwin might fall in love with me, but here I am sulking because he made it clear he wasn't. How can I figure out the truth that's hiding under all this disorder?

Did I have feelings for him all this time, but lied to myself?

Was I pouting over my bruised ego that got trampled when I realized he didn't want to be seen with moi? Yet, didn't actually care for him romantically?

Maybe I was disappointed because I wanted him to fall for me just so I could break his heart and be the cold bastard I've always been.

There was so many possibilities, but I had no way of knowing which was the right combination that would unlock the truth. I usually can read others like a book, but I couldn't read myself and that was a scary thing.

There's only one thing I could be 100% about. Erwin was special in one sense for sure: he was the first man (or woman) I was ever  _completely_ consensual with. Everyone else I slept with was over money or drugs, which meant I didn't actually  _want_  them and merely used my body as a tool. Or in my darker times, I'd be forced completely against my will.

But with Erwin, there was nothing else involved in our affairs. He didn't pay me and even though he could be overwhelmingly rough at times, he never forced me and would stop in the middle of sex if I wanted him to.

If I  _really_ wanted to sound like a sappy drunk, I guess Erwin could be considered "my first" since we both had sex just to make each other feel good; what sex was meant to be and no other motives were involved. Maybe this is why my emotions for him were so raveled. I always tried to convince myself that I wasn't the sentimental type, but lately I'm realizing that's just another lie I tell myself.

I freed my dread with a sigh. "Why are you even _involved_  in my sex life?"

She meant to point at me, but her elbow missed the counter and she nearly fell off the stool, I just watched the pathetic display motionlessly. Finally, she climbed back up with the aid of my arm. "Because every gay man needs a girlfriend to talk to about their sex life. It's practically the law."

"Who said I was gay?"

She gave me a dubious look over her glasses. "Well you did take the commander's dick up your ass and slept with nearly every man in this room."

Well if you put it  _thatway_  than of course it sounds gay.

"I like woman too." The liquids in my glass swished as I tilted my drink around thoughtfully. "But I just find men more.. _.appealing_  in a sexual sense, I guess. Though, the one thing a man is missing is tits. That's the only thing that keeps them from being perfect and it's fucking depressing because tits are great."

"I think everyone can agree that tits are amazing, but come to think of it, Erwin seems to have a nice rack."

"His chest is bigger than yours so I think you may be right about that." I took a sip to hide the laugh building up and washed it down. "Now that I think about it, you're my ideal type, Hanji. You have tits and a dick. It's the best of both worlds. We should hook up, for scientific purposes." I added that last hook to convince her further. The bait is set. Now we wait for a bite.

"No can do~ I'm saving myself for my boyfriend."

"Boyfriend...? Ew. You didn't look like the steady type." Honestly, I wanted to say that she seemed too busy with her twisted hobbies to have time for a relationship. That was unexpected news though, really.

"Well I am! You're not the only one that has a thing for someone in the Survey Corps."

What is it, the Gay Corps? How many more gays make up that fraction? Well, I suppose her boyfriend isn't  _gay_ —Hanji is a woman, but there was the lingering fact that she still had a penis, so it was still a  _little_  gay. I was curious now, so I asked her who she was seeing, but she still didn't bite.

"Come on, I told you about Erwin."

Her lips quivered, like she couldn't hold back the secret any longer. "Ah okay, I'll tell you!" That didn't take much effort. "I'm seeing Mike Zacharias!"

Now the entire club knew who she was dating.

I looked up, trying to match the name to the face. "Is that the really tall blond one with the stubble?"

"That's the one! Isn't he handsome~?" She collapsed, her arms spread over the counter as she blushed. "I really wanted to hang out with him tonight for New Years, but he's so tired from the trip. I missed him so much too... It sucks."

"I heard it was a rough mission. Give him some time, you'll get to have welcome-back-sex soon enough."

"Psh!" She spat and heaved herself back up. "I wish! We never even slept together. Here's the problem, he doesn't know I'm transsexual yet."

"Yikes. That's gotta be rough."

"Tell me about it! I was going to hold off on sleeping with him until I had my surgery, but I don't want to lie to him, you know?"

I nodded, agreeing with the latter. "Yeah don't do that. I think it's right to be upfront about it. And if he doesn't accept you for who you are, then my offer still stands. I'll make a  _real_  woman out of you, Hanji."

She smacked my shoulder with an embarrassed smirk. "Levi!"

Maybe this was just the alcohol talking, but I hoped the best for her and Mike. The following conversation skimmed though some touchy subjects on her past, and after hearing that's she's been rejected by so many people because of her gender, she deserves to have a special person accept her. If not, I'll beat his ass and sleep with his girl. It's a win-win. Well, for me at least.

We spent the rest of the night having a good time together. We talked some more, drank some more and after Hanji requested eagerly, I went back on stage for another routine. I was sloppier than usual since I was beyond drunk at that point, but I gave her a hell of a performance and showed off all my moves. I also made a ton of tips—more than I ever did in one night before.

Overall it was a great night, probably the most enjoyable one in a long time. It gave me a chance to loosen up and not worry for a change. After a while, I didn't think of Erwin or the kids or Maverick or my friends. I just let booze swim through me and fill me with long forgotten oblivion.

It was sometime after five in the morning when Hanji and I said our slurred goodbyes and staggered separate ways home. It must have snowed while we were in the warmth of the club, because once again the pavements were covered in a sheet of snow. I clicked my tongue; as if it wasn't hard to walk already. At least my heels have been replaced with my normal boots and my heavy blazer compensated for the sudden temperature drop.

I ruffled through my pockets, looking for a match to light the cigarette dangling from my lips. With no finds in my pockets, I patted down my breast pocket and found where the box of matches were stored—but there was no need for it now that my cigarette had dropped from my mouth and landed in the freshly fallen snow; my heart sank just as low with it.

My front door was open—no, my front door was  _bashed_  open.

My breathing halted. My heart did too. My brooding eyes fixated on the incredulous scene.

All my joints malfunctioned; like a move of my leg really moved my arm and it made it almost impossible to stumble forward. Everything felt inverted, even my sight and I'm sure it wasn't just the lingering buzz. I finally tripped forward into a wonky jog and with every step, I repeatedly hoped that my warping vision was deceiving me.

Wood chips covered the threshold of the entrance from where the was door was butchered to shreds. Pieces of the door crushed under my boot and I could almost hear the crowbar splitting between the frame followed by the earsplitting crack of the lock breaking.

My heart thumped in my chest as my disbelieving eyes scanned the foreign space that was my living room.

The place is entirely trashed.

It's also freezing, telling me that the cold air from outside has been seeping in for a while now.

Ambivalent scenarios entered my mind. Untenable explanations were drowned out by rational, yet terrifying realizations that made me sicker and sicker until the point I felt a gag clogged in my throat.

I'm alone. I could sense it. No one else is here and I was pretty damn sure I was shaking when I realized this and it wasn't from the fucking temperature. I wanted to scream just to break the deafening silence. I wanted to hear or feel anything other than my own despondency or the devastating story stuck lingering within these walls. I wanted to hear Eren's voice. I wanted to hear Mikasa's voice. I wanted them to tell me they were okay. I wanted to see them. I wanted to touch their warmth and feel their kindness.

A wire in my brain snapped at that very moment.

I  _need_  to fucking see them.

Desperately, my slow pace accelerated and finally matched my palpitating heart. I ran straight into Eren's bedroom and flashed a glimpse into the room.

The place looked completely overturned and there was nothing but Eren's scent left behind. I got the same results when I searched Mikasa's room.

My nostrils flared as I brisked toward my own room.

_That's where they are._

_They had to be there._

I recited this out loud over and over in unsteady breaths.

That's the only door in the house that was still shut. I held onto that hope with every thread of my being. When I open the door, they'll both be there. They'll tell me they're fine. Eren will greet me with a bratty remark and Mikasa will roll her eyes at our petty quibbling like she always does.

Everything's fine. This was just a robbery—that's common. Thieves are completely harmless around here. They just took what they wanted and left without leaving scratch on anyone. Of course, Eren and Mikasa aren't hurt. Why would I even think that? If anything they're just a little scared. This was the case. It  _had_  to be. I had nothing to worry about. The kids probably ran to safety. They were either in my room or went to a neighbors house or the police headquarters to file a report.

_That's right. Keep your head leveled. No need to get worked up. This wouldn't be the first time you were robbed._

But that blissful reassurance was stolen away from me when I turned the knob of my bedroom. It became clear that this was not a simple breaking-and-entering shortly after I gained confidence in that idea.

Nothing was out of place; everything remained completely untouched in my room. My guns where still here, my Maneuver Gear and the safe holding my savings were intact. Everything was accounted for.

Except for the kids.

I checked every corner, every closet, every cabinet. I rechecked every room. I tore the rest of the house apart in a pathetic attempt to find them. I must have broken and destroyed everything in the process of my despairing search.

I abruptly stopped all movement and broke down on all the clutter beneath me. My ragged breath couldn't be stabilize and my skin burned with a fever despite the fog spilling out my mouth from the cold.

It soon became clear that whoever invaded my home wasn't after valuables. My room would have been ransacked if that was the goal. All the goods they'd be looking for would only be found there. Nothing else in the house held  _any_  worth. They had no interest in even  _checking_  my room, which means they found what they wanted elsewhere in the house.

This was the storm I anticipated.

Darkness invaded my gaze. The bridge of my nose wrinkling from unassigned hatred. I battled against the clutter spread out on the floor from when I tipped the dresser over. I cursed and screamed and threw everything violently across the room. I bared teeth to all the shambles in my way until I found my revolver.

With trembling hands, I loaded six bullets into the chamber and left the nearly-demolished house behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger? Cliffhanger. >:)


	16. Showdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With some help, Levi tracks down the people who kidnapped Eren and Mikasa. He has an emotional confrontation with the culprit; the one he believes is guilty of abducting the children and killing his friends. Him and Erwin are later forced to split up to save them, but for Levi, the plan drifts slightly off course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys might want to take a deep breath before reading this one. Emotions are just flying around left and right. This was such a nerve-racking chapter to write! :(
> 
> On a happier note: the timeskip is coming, as promised, and I'm going to focus on Ereri's relationship 100% after this chapter, which means the plot is going to calm down too, so no more distractions! After all this chaos, they deserve some good ol' relationship development and romance for a while. Sound good? n_n
> 
> Triggers: Mainly the usual; mentions of noncon, depression and drug addiction.

The bloom of daybreak burned my swollen eyes. The frost building up on my jacket melted from the heatwaves radiating from me. White noise rung in my ears and all ambiance was blocked out. How I felt was far too dark for this bright world; like a pair of a dead mans irises trapped around the sclera. This world of white had no connection to my thoughts haunting my travels, but I kept moving forward through this cruel, bright world.

Soon I was panting, I had run all the way to the central. I ran to the only place I could think of running to. Out of breath, I halted in a daze.

A shaky breath later, I pounded on the door, one of the few doors in this world that just might open for me. I continuously knocked until my knuckles bleed. The ringing in my ears were cut silent by the reoccurring thuds.

The muteness of early morning kept me company as I waited and prayed for the door to open. I was doing a lot of praying, now that I thought about it. I don't know  _who_  or  _what_  I was praying to, but I knew who I was praying  _for_.

Trying to keep my hands from trembling, I tried to cool my nerves with a smoke.

Cringing from an awful thought, my fist balled, crushing the lit cigarette in hand. It extinguished on my palm, sizzling my skin. But the vicious ideas running through my head were much more painful to bear.

Thankfully those thoughts screeched to a stop when the door clicked open by someone freshly woken up. "Levi. What's going on? What happened?"

Erwin blinked his sleep away, his brows upturned down at me.

I stomped forward, forcing myself into the threshold and clutched his collar in hand. I hissed a command though my teeth. "Go get dressed. You're coming with me."

He tried to pry my shaking hand off him. "Whoa. Take it easy. Did—Did you take some drugs?" He slammed his lids shut and tossed his head in disapproval at his assumption. "Let me make you some coffee. It'll help you come down from your high."

With a rousing temper, I twisted the fabric in my grasp, dragging him closer and forcing his eyes to connect with mine. "I'm not  _on_   _anything_. The kids are  _gone_ , Erwin. The kids are gone and I don't know where they are."

Taking a step in reverse like my words blew him away, his eyes expanded as far as the gap between his lips. He trailed off nervously, "Now—let's not jump to any conclusions. Maybe they just went out to play or something and forgot to tell you—"

"God damnit,  _no_. Fucking _listen_  to me." I meant to hostility latch onto him again and let my verbals do the rest of the abuse—but a sudden wave of hopeless fatigue crushed me. All strength was lost in my arms and my palms limply settled against his chest. With my head ducked, my hands remained there like I wanted to pull him closer and push him away at the same time. I squeezed at his shirt and looked up, my jaw tense. His lids fluttered on my rare features as my eyes didn't bat a lash.

Instead of threatening him like I intended, my voice cracked and a plea slipped from my quivering lips. "I came home to find my house completely trashed with the no sign of the kids. I'm  _positive_  that they were kidnapped. Someone took them. Do you fucking understand? If so, stop making me waste time that I don't have and  _help me_."

Erwin detected the desperation in my voice as I practically choked on my own words.

I couldn't do this alone. I knew I needed some reliable back up and not only did Erwin fit that roles requirements, but he was the only one I had right now. I had no one else. Other than Hanji, but I'd never ask her for help again—not after I nearly got her killed.

Erwin understood now, it was clearly written on him, that and the empathy in his eyes told me he knew I was dead serious if I was reacting this way. I never let my emotions carry me away over  _nothing_ —I wouldn't have come here, asking for his help and showing him this desperate side to myself unless I was  _completely sure_.

He battled his thoughts for a moment; likely sorting though the risks involved in aiding me his assistance. According to his expression, he lost; the morals he miraculously still had outweighed his personal concerns. He spit out the following quickly, "I'm in. I'll help you."

"Right answer." If he were to say no, I probably would've sent my frustrations into my fist and let them out on his face. Now that I had some support, my nerves calmed, but it was nearly unnoticeable. "It'll be slow on foot. Is your Maneuver Gear ready for transport?" I asked, then cursed myself for not strapping on my own before leaving the house in a heat of rage. Now more time will be eaten away now that I have to go back to retrieve it.

I either spoke my concerns out loud without knowing or Erwin read my mind. I couldn't tell either way. My reality was warped and I couldn't perceive what way was up or down at this point.

"You can use mine. I have a spare. Give me a minute to get ready."

I cupped my hands over my nodding face as he breezed past me.

Staying still was impossible. Every minute that ticked by could mean the difference between life and death for those children. I did anything to keep my mind and jittery hands busy. I desperately tried to get another cigarette lit. It would do nothing to calm my nerves, I knew that, but keeping my mind occupied on a simple task stopped me from going on a full rampage as I impatiently waited.

To add to the pain the ash left on me before, I bit the heel of my hand and watched the blood trickle from the broken skin in an attempt to distract me from the gruesome thoughts coming to me about Eren and Mikasa.

I wonder if they're bleeding too.

I wonder if they're shaking as much as I am.

I wonder if they they feel as hopeless as I do.

I prayed again, hoping my sick mind was coming up with these ideas on their own and not latching onto a clairvoyance for what was in store for them.

I must have made thirty laps around the living room by the time Erwin returned, fully geared up with power in his step. It looks like he was finally motivated enough to know this was a dire situation and that we were currently losing the score. We needed to be quick and ruthless if we wanted to catch up.

After I got ready, we rushed out the door and Erwin struggled to keep up with my pace.

"We need to make a pit stop at the North District. I know a guy that could help us track their whereabouts."

"Is he reliable?" Erwin jogged up to my side.

All I could offer him was an uncertain gaze. "Reliable enough. It beats tearing the city apart looking for them. If his information is a bust, we'll just have to go back to my house and look for clues or something." I spit, disgusted with the aftertaste those words left on my tongue. The possibility of wasting more time was enough to quicken my pace more so, leaving Erwin in the dust once again.

Time is of the essence right now. Every second lost meant they could be getting further away from me, or more abused or more drugged or raped again or even killed.

No.

Stop thinking like that.

I'll get them back before anything like that happens.

If I let my emotions out, they'll consume me until I'm unable to move. Over the years, if there were any lessons I learned and abode by, it was knowing my emotions were my only weakness.

But the goal of keeping my emotions in check was broken once I met with the information broker. This time, I wasn't  _asking_  him for information, I was  _demanding_  him to tell me with nothing in return for him. I didn't have the drugs he wanted in exchange and I sure as hell didn't have time for another off course trip to the underground.

So, I resorted to bashing his head in with my boot in hopes of him giving up and spilling everything. Erwin tried to pull me off him once it was clear I'd kill him at this rate if he didn't cough up what I wanted to know soon, but one arm holding me back didn't restrain me from unholstering my revolver and asking again.

"Where the fuck is Maverick?" My glassy eyes reflected a crimson spark as I cocked my gun.

"He's in the central," he spat out a tooth along with a clot of blood, "there's a gated building about a block away from the city hall. There's a fountain and statues out front, you can't miss it."

My shaky aim fell to my side. I holstered my gun and shook Erwin off me in a way that sent him silent reassurance that I was cooling down. I kneeled beside the man and offered to help him back to his feet by lending him my hand. "I'm sorry. It's an emergency and I didn't have time—anyways, thanks."

A blood stained smirk was presented to me as he latched onto my hand. "You're not the first to kick my ass and you won't be the last, but next time just tell me there will be a rain check on my payment, will ya'?"

"Let's hope there won't be a next time—c'mon Erwin, we need to hurry."

"One last thing," we spun back to the man who was about to offer us more insight than he had to, "Just a friendly warning, that place is his headquarters. It's swarming with his goons. Only trusted members, his business partners and sluts are granted access. Good luck."

** ~x~ **

All we managed to accomplish was waste a fuck ton of time. That place is literally located a few blocks from Erwin's place. There was no way we would have figured out his whereabouts on our own, though, so the detour was necessary, but the irrational side of me was still pissed off for having to go out of our way.

Erwin and I scouted out the place that matched the information brokers description from the rooftops. Zooming my sight around the premises, I could tell that his warning was correct; the place was surrounded by guards packing heavy arms.

"This won't be easy." I muttered unconsciously as I wondered how to get inside the place without drawing too much attention to ourselves.

"Levi—are you  _absolutely_   _positive_ this is the guy that took Eren and Mikasa? I can't imagine why a person who stays in a place like this would take up abducting children as a hobby..."

"Trust me, it's him. He's also the one responsible for killing my friends. He's a sick man, Erwin. He'd often kidnap people just so he could sell them into slavery. He's no stranger to this kind of crime."

Erwin flicked his sight from our target destination and swallowed hard as he blinked over to me. "How do you know all this? What's your connection with him?"

I couldn't blame Erwin for wanting to be put in the loop, even if he was just asking useless questions that weren't crucially relevant. But since he went as far as having my back with this, I'll fill him in. "I used to roll with his gang. A few days ago I learned that he's going to great extents to get me back. He killed my friends as a warning and now he took my kids. He's trying to leave me with nothing so I have no choice but to come back, or so he thinks."

Erwin simply bowed his head in mild understanding and his stern gaze fell back to inspecting the layout. We were both wordlessly searching for a way in that would draw the least bit attention so we could get in and out with the kids back in our possession, or at least come up with a plan that didn't cause too much confrontation, but realistically that might not be possible.

Unless...

Rifling though my head for a solution, the answer finally dawned on me.

"Fuck this, let's just go in through the front."

"Are you  _high_? Well—I guess you confirmed you weren't earlier, but I don't think that's a wise decision, Levi." An expected reply; my suggestion did sound pretty nuts and at this point, it wouldn't be a surprising if Erwin thought I lost my mind. He likely thought I lost some rationality due to my impatience, but this plan will work. No, this  _had_  to work.

There was no other way around his dilemma in a timely manner and I wasn't about to sit here trying to come up with some brilliant plan to eliminate room for failure simply because failure wasn't an opinion no matter what route I chose.

To Erwin, being a few steps of ahead and knowing what to expect from carefully planned strategies was a necessity for surviving outside the wall, but where I'm from you go with what your gut is telling you and ram your horns right into barrier in your way.

"Hear me out. He obviously pulled this stunt to lure me here. How much you wanna bet he's holding them so he has something to negotiate with?" Now that I was speaking out loud, it made more sense, and it seemed to have sparked Erwin up to speed.

"So you're saying that he's just using them as your crutch, and that if you tell him you'll rejoin his gang he'll hand them back, just like that? I don't know...kidnappers are usually much more complicated than that."

"No, I  _know_  Maverick. He plays games and when he loses, he cheats like a spoiled brat." A sudden sense of relief flowed through me. Yes. This is exactly what he wants. I'm playing right into his hands by coming here, but I'll have the winning deck in the end. "He wouldn't kill or sell the kids, not unless he thinks there's still a chance at convincing me, or forcing me and using them as a trade. He knows harming them wouldn't work on me now. He killed my friends and I still refused to join him. You can't save the dead, so he figures if he uses the kids as an exchange—the kids safety for my support—then I'll have no other choice."

"It seems sensible, now that you put me in perspective. But I'm still confused on why he'd go to such lengths to earn your support. Even if you did agree for the sake of saving the kids, wouldn't he fear you'd betray him down the line? Or does he still hold trust for you?"

I perched down to unbuckle my gear. There was no need to carry it around anymore. I was going through with this, even though I still had doubts similar to the ones Erwin was voicing. My mind was made up simply because time is running out and that motivated me to settle on the first plan I came up with.

It wasn't without reason, of course, I strongly felt this was the correct approach, but that doesn't eliminate the fact that it's risky and ill-prepared. Right now, I didn't care about that. I was just going to go with this method; the simplest and quickest strategy. If it fails, I'll have to come up with a Plan B on the spot. It wouldn't be the first time I had to improvise.

The wind howled against me. The weather was harsh and I found it chillingly fitting. I flicked my bangs back into place and gave a shrug. "I honestly couldn't tell you. He's a hard person to read, but we have a lot of history—if you can call it that. So I have a rough idea on how he operates."

I was once a puppet for him. He was able to control me fully and there might be a sick part of him that thinks he could get me back to that state again—that state I luckily turned my back on and scowled at now. For once, I could say I was above the lowest pit a person could sink to. Even if I was barely keeping my head above the filth, I was still a better person now than I was back then.

Looking back, I loathed that person; I couldn't even identify him as myself. That person who stood beside Maverick as his right hand man, who had a sickening persona in secret, was so far gone that you couldn't even feel sorry for him.

This is why it's still so painful to look in the mirror; I still see that person. I still see the nasty thing that possessed me; it wasn't even close to human. I was just a mindless machine that questioned nothing with no soul inside. I did anything for selfish desires. I was something other than human. Something disgusting and every day I rotted more and I couldn't even find the will to care. I got used to the stench of myself decaying; that was the most unnerving part.

Those kids, Eren and Mikasa, had their fair share of rough times already, but they still have a chance. A chance to live a normal life and recover. I was a lost cause. Even though I climbed out of the muck I was once submerged in while in the North gang, I was still empty to this day because of it. The reason I resorted to that lifestyle in the first place was because I never got any help. I needed an escape from the pain, even if that meant hurting myself or others.

But I'm going to help those kids. Even if it gets me fucking killed in the process; I will make sure nothing happens to them ever again after this. Of course, that was an empty promise. I couldn't protect them from everything this cruel world wanted to throw at them, but I was almost mad enough right now to pledge a secret oath to that promise. I wanted it to become my obligation to keep them safe. That's the reality I wished for.

I'd be damned if I see a new generation turn down the road I did. Those kids were no different from me when I was their age. They're confused, they're naïve, they're scared and all they want is someone to fucking care about them. It's a simple wish, and a common one at that. Every person wants and deserves that, yet it's so hard to find during desperate times. Especially when you're a lost child facing the world alone.

I know I can't offer much, and I can be a total prick to both of them on purpose, but I can give them them all the attention I could muster up. If their father is never found, I will raise them. I will raise them the best I can. It wouldn't be a glamorous life, but it would be better than them becoming soulless shells that faced constant difficulties that challenged their own morals.

I don't know the first thing about taking care of kids; I didn't even have my own parents' teachings to look back on, but I'll do it. All the struggles we would endure together would be worth it in the end. It sure as hell beats letting those kids turn out to be like that monster that once possessed me. You never return from it. Even if you don't act like a monster anymore, there's no erasing the past or your disgusting reflection. Once it happens, that's it. And it will happen if no one steps up for them.

If I don't save them, no one else will and if they don't get killed, they'll be used and abused just like I was. I don't ever want to imagine Eren without that lively glow in his eyes, or the way Mikasa smiles at him like he's the most precious gift this ugly world has to offer. I don't want them to lose those expressions and be like me where it's a struggle just to smile. It's no way to live and I'll be damned if I let those kids lose those beautiful smiles forever.

We approached the gate and idled beside it. With Erwin at my side and my head high, I tried to mask the anxiety building up. I was sure this would work, but Maverick wasn't stupid. He always had tricks up his sleeve. That's what shook my nerves the most. He could have another motive, but I tried to hide those uncertainties when the man guarding the gate spoke to me.

"This property is off-limits. Move along."

"I'm here to speak with Maverick. He's expecting me."

"Bullshit. I was never informed. Maverick is busy today, he wouldn't have any visitors."

"Go tell him Levi is here."

The man grumbled slurs under his breath, then turned his dirty look off me and lumbered toward the building with his rifle rested on his shoulder. As we waited, Erwin and I exchanged glances in spurts. We were walking on a thin wire right now. This only had two outcomes: one that would benefit me, and one that would benefit Maverick. Since we were in his domain, it's hard not to fear the latter.

The guard returned with a milder expression than before. "Sorry to keep you waiting. I didn't know you were one of us. Please come in." My heart thumped in my chest and I gave it my all to keep the surprise hidden as he unlocked the gates and pushed them open.

I stepped in, but Erwin was halted in place. The man pressed him back with his arm. I huffed at the stall in time.

"He said  _you_  were allowed in, he said nothing about this guy."

I rolled my eyes and poked my temple. "Use your head. If I'm one of you guys, and he's with me, that means he's trusted."

The idiot scratched his head, then backed off Erwin. "Right, right. Sorry."

That was almost too easy. No wonder Maverick is so desperate to get me back; all his other men are complete morons. It's a mystery how he became so successful with men like this at his side.

With the guard leading the way, we traveled through the complicated layout of the building until we paused before double doors at the end of a dark hallway. The only light seeping in was from a dirty window that was half boarded up. It should be noted that the outside didn't match up with the interior—it was utterly filthy in here; the air reeked of mold and spider nests were housed in every corner. The wooden floor boards below my boots had been indulged on by termites and looked to have never met a broom before.

"He's right in here, in his office." The man knocked on the door and disappeared down the hall. After an enchanting  _'come on'_  I took a needed breath and told Erwin to stay put outside the door with his ears peeled. I told him if things go sour I might need his assistance. He nodded firmly and some pressure freed from me as I turned the knob.

"It's about time you showed up. I was just thinking about how much of a cold bastard you were, but it looks like you proved me wrong." With his hands folded behind him, he twisted around to me. The melted half of his face looked just as disgusting as his cocky smile.

"Where are the kids." I didn't bother adding a questioning intonation—I wasn't asking really, it was an order.

He huffed, playfully acting out the part as someone who was disappointed. "You were never one for foreplay—you always want to cut right to the good stuff. But let's not make this unnecessarily complicated, alright?"

My lungs felt like they were being crushed—I tried to let a deep inhale in through my nostrils, but all I managed was a few sharp respites like when a bull sees red.

Judging by his reaction, it's safe to assume he is indeed behind their kidnapping, but based on his casual front, they were safe, for now. I'll play his game for the time being if I must.

"By the way, tell your friend I said thanks for this hideous fucking scar on my face."

"I will. She did a good job at improving half of your ugly face, at least."

He blew out a chortle confidently, "Funny, you didn't think I was ugly back when you used to bend over for me."

"Think about it, why do you think I was faced the other way?"

"Ooh, someone's in  _sass mode_  today."

On second thought, I don't think I could endure his game after all. "Just give me the fucking kids back."

"Oh Levi, Levi. What's the rush? We haven't had the chance to hang out in ages. Sit down, have a drink. Take a load off, or get a load out; I got plenty of hookers downstairs that you're welcomed to." He paused there and licked his lips knowingly. "...Or would you rather a hit? I know it's been a long time, you must be craving it, aren't you? I can get some for you. We can have some fun, like the good ol' days."

Figures he would offer me drugs. That was the only foundation that held up our relationship back then. He likely read me for the person I really was the moment I met him, and knew I'd never stay loyal and agree with his way of operating in a sober state.

That's why he dosed me up to the point I was a mindless slave. Back then, I was a machine to him and the only way my gears kept turning was if he kept me charged.

During the initiation ceremony of joining the gang, he offered me a hit of some rare, potent shit. He said I had a stick up my ass that needed loosening and the drugs would help with that. I didn't see the harm and I wanted to make a good impression since I held high hopes for the gang at the time. And so, I snorted the addicting substance with little care, thinking of it as an experiment.

But all it took was one hit to get me hooked—to the drug and hooked to him; the only one who could supply the substance to me. I'm sure my brain even suffers to this day from how much he used to dose me up like I was some animal to experiment on and abuse for laughs.

It got to the point I was an addict and did nearly anything for more hits. In a way, you can say that he had me fully brainwashed. I would take risky jobs, I'd lend my assistance in torturing his enemies. There's more, but even I'm scared to search too deeply into that dark time of my life. I might just pull out something dangerous and not know how to lodge it back into the hidden crannies of my brain.

Thank God I sobered up before I ended up doing anything dangerous to other parties, like that job he offered me. Along with the risky and questionable jobs, though, I did other stupid things, like sleeping with Maverick. It was anything but intimate, though. To him and a few of his men, I earned the title of the gangs whore and I was fine with the degrading title so long as he kept drugs in my system. He'd make me do filthy things that I couldn't even bear to reflect on.

More people became involved in these sessions once he got bored with playing with me alone. Some came to watch, some came to join or some were there just for the endless supply of drugs with the complimentary train-wreck of a show of myself bare of any pride.

He had sick kicks but since I was high off my ass, I went with it. The memories of it now made me cringe. I hated the person I was back then. I hated many versions of myself throughout my life, but that was when I finally hit rock bottom. With the help of my friends, I luckily managed to claw myself back up again.

When I think about it, I should have never got insulted by what Eren said to me. I  _was_  just a trashy skank; he hit right on the mark and was just being truthful. Adults should praise kids for telling the truth. At least he's a good judge of character; he read me perfectly. That will help him later on in life.

Even though the memory of Eren's words weren't pleasant, the tone still chanted through me like a heavenly choir and all I wanted was to hear that voice again.

I had enough of this pointless chit-chat. I wanted to see them and know they were safe. I wanted to take them somewhere safe, far away from monsters like the one in front of me. In fact, wasn't it essential to slay monsters that hurt people without reason in this world?

Yes. That's right. In this world you have to kill the evil before it devours you first.

Lashing out my revolver hidden beneath my jacket up until now, I pointed it right at this monsters head. Disappointment evoked me; I wasn't granted the fearful gaze I was wishing for—Maverick simply aimed that arrogant smirk back at my gun, like I was a child holding a plastic toy.

Monsters are fearless. Monsters think they are superior and can't be killed.

We'll see about that.

"Give them back and I might not put a bullet in your head."

It was a lie. Regardless if he cooperates with me right now, the loaded bullet had his name on it.

There was no going back on my plan to kill him. I had him right in front of me and I was going to kill two birds with one stone. First, I need to know where Eren and Mikasa are, then when he served as no further purpose for me, I'll leave this room housing his corpse behind.

I once claimed those kids were second priority in comparison to getting revenge, but I recently learned I'm a convincing liar, even to myself. Those kids came first. My friends would have wanted it that way too. Now that I thought about it, my friends would have never wanted me to go through all this trouble just to seek mindless vengeance. They were dead and that was a damn shame, but nothing would bring them back. Not revenge, or sulking or self-blame.

What was important was keeping the people you care about alive. I failed them, but I refuse to fail those kids. Believe it or not, I learn from my mistakes and I don't make the same mistake twice.

I say this, and yet it dawned on me that it was my mindless thirst for revenge that put the kids at risk in the first place.

If I didn't confront Maverick with Hanji, there was a good chance he'd never find my hideout. I put myself out in the open and I must have been followed that night. From that moment on, Maverick was able to strike anytime he wanted because of my faulty move. When it came down to it, this guy was guilty for the crime, but was given the opportunity in the first place because of my carelessness.

When you look at it in that perspective, we were both selfish men standing before each other with a one track mind. We just wanted one thing and risked anything to get it. I gambled the safety of the children for my desires, and he took them, knowing that was the only way to achieve his.

"I just wanted to talk," he said, "talk some sense into your head, that is. The Levi I knew wouldn't ever pass up easy money—so I'm astonished that you're holding onto those kids when you can easily make money off them. I mean, you profited from bringing me slaves in the past, after all—you're no stranger to the idea."

Features convulsing, my head heaved back from the casual mention of a haunting memory. Everything else surrounding that reminder was disregarded. "That wasn't  _my_ fucking doing. You lied to me, you _never_ told me they were innocent people, you said they tried to kill one of your men. I—I never would have done it otherwise!"

"What difference does it make? Just because those metaphorical people were bad to me, it's suddenly okay to go through with it? Face it, Levi, you're not some misunderstood gangster that plays by the rules. Get off you high fucking horse, you're just as crooked as the rest of us that would do anything for a dime or a hit."

"That's not true, I have my limits. I think I proved that when I didn't take the last job you offered me."

"Oh sure, sure." He nodded condescendingly. "That reminds me. Thanks for leading that Chinese bitch back to me—see, we're still helping each other out and we don't even have to communicate. That's true teamwork. We're meant to work together, don't you see?"

"...What are you talking about?" That trepidation I always felt before something big revealed itself to me was settling down in the pit of my stomach right about now.

"She rightfully belongs to me, that bitch you're looking for and that little bastard child that helped her get away. Do you know how long I've been searching for them? Three of my best men died because of those ratty cunts. This is why I wanted you and your crew to take the job—things wouldn't have gotten messy."

I stared silently at him. My aim on him was far from stable, for my hand began to tremble again. "You—You killed Mikasa's parents."

"Tch, _Mikasa_. So that's the Chinese bitches name. That cunt. I lost you _,_ your crew  _and_  my best men over her and that boy. I deserve the profits after all the trouble they put me though."

"She's  _Japanese_ , and stop talking about them like their your  _items_."

"Why? Because they're  _your_  items now? Is that why you came to collect them? Come on, Levi. You can get better ass than that. Sell them and buy yourself a proper sex toy."

"I said don't fucking talk about them like that! You fucking  _killed_  them—you killed that little girls parents and now you want to sell her off to be raped by some old pervert?"

I thought I was cold-hearted, but his monster didn't have a heart to begin with.

"I didn't kill anyone. Her parents got in my mens way—idiots. Couldn't even handle a simple job."

Simple? He thought breaking a family apart and leaving a child traumatized was simple? "You fucking disgust me.  _Of course_  they got in the way, you gave the order to sell her and her mother into sex slavery."

"And it's a damn shame that pure-blooded whore got herself killed, but her daughter—she's still worth a fortune, Levi. The boy is average, but he'll still sell for a pretty penny. The perverts will buy him for those lovely eyes alone."

The revolver shook in my hands, hardly keeping aim on this pile of trash. I could barely see, my blurry vision was warped and mixing with red.

The seams holding me together began to unraveled.

"Fucking  _stop it_ already. Just give them back to me. Didn't you put me though enough? First you put me through hell by drugging me up and turning me into your own personal toy you can control, but you couldn't stop there; you harassed me and my crew, then you  _murdered them_  and now you're kidnapping my kids? How much more are you going to take from me?!"

For the first time since my arrival, the smug smirk faded from his face. My stomach dropped from the expression.

"Wait—your crew is  _dead_?"

Breathlessly, I could do nothing but stare at him, but my features soon crunched together. More games? Doesn't he know I'm fucking serious?

"Don't play innocent with me, I know it was you or one of your mens doings." The barrel of my gun waved rickety at him, and I'm surprised my temper hadn't squeezed the trigger by now in my state of rage.

"No, Levi, you gotta believe me." His eyes glowed with honesty. "I wouldn't have done that. I wanted you guys for  _my_  crew, I wouldn't have  _killed them_. The three of you were strong and I needed that strength playing for my team, especially you, Levi. I might have ordered my men to beat some sense into you guys so you'd come back, but I wouldn't have wanted them  _dead_. I know my men wouldn't have went against my word. I strictly stated I wanted to keep the three of you alive."

"I don't believe you. No one else would want them dead."

He was the only one. It had to be his doing. This was a bluff. There was no one else. I thought this, and yet I was suddenly filled with doubt.

"Looks like you have more enemies than you think because it wasn't me. I'm no stranger to murder, but their blood isn't on my hands. I just  _admitted_  to kidnapping the kids you're looking for, why would I lie about something like that? I'd tell you if I killed them, I'm not afraid to speak the truth,  _but_   _I had nothing to do with it_."

The fact that I was good at reading people pissed me off, because it brought me to the conclusion that he was telling the truth. I almost let my gun fall down to my hip, but then I remembered the important issue at hand and steadied my aim.

"Fine." I spit out in a shaky breath. My reality was crumbling around me. Everything I believed up until now wasn't true. I was chasing after the wrong person all this time. "Ju...Just give me the kids, alright? If you're telling the truth and you didn't kill my friends, I won't kill you if you just give them back to me—"

This was all my fault.

If I looked for solid evidence and didn't go running carelessly after assumptions, I wouldn't have involved myself with Maverick again and the kids wouldn't be in danger right now.

I was trembling; not from rage, but I'm completely lost and disoriented—I don't know what to believe, I don't know anything, apparently. What was all of this for? Even if he  _did_ kill my crew, what would killing the culprit prove? All I did was put the people I care about at risk. Thanks to my assumptions, I nearly got Hanji killed and I forced Erwin to tag along with me, knowing damn well that he might get killed on gang territory, and Eren and Mikasa were taken away by a dangerous gang leader all because I let myself get carried away over my own personal vendetta.

The only person I could place blame on was myself. This is all my fucking fault.

"We have some negotiating to do. Forget about the damn kids for a minute."

I shook out of my self-loathing and clenched my teeth. "At least tell me if they're safe first."

He looked fed up. He wasn't his usual cocky self. "Why do you care about them so damn much anyways? Didn't you used to think anyone younger than you were just idiotic brats? Think about this for a minute. Do you realize how much money they're worth?"

A lot, I assume. Is that a reason to sell human beings, though? Was I suppose to let Eren, a young boy fresh into puberty who lost his home and mother only months ago, to be abused in ways he didn't even understand? Was I suppose to let Mikasa live the rest of her days in a grimy sex dungeon and be used until she was worn out and not fun to play with anymore?

Was it really suppose to be that easy to forget about them like he implied? They're worth a lot of money, so I should just let him convince me to sell them? Just count the wad they're worth and unload them onto some pigs?

No—because they didn't have a price tag. To me, they were priceless.

"The perverts would pay big money to add them to their rare collection."

Indeed, he got one thing right: they are rare, but they're not fucking collectible novelty items. He didn't see them as the broken children they were that still woke up with a smile every morning.

He never saw the way Mikasa's eyes lit up when she learned about where babies came from or when she told me about her family traditions. Nor did he ever see the joyful pride on Eren's face when his cooking didn't turn out awful or the way he'd fall asleep on me and silently ask me to guard him through the night.

They were still needy kids that needed their never-ending questions answered and they deserved to have someone there for them at the end of the day to tell them everything will be alright.

But no—Maverick didn't want that life for them. He wanted their innocence stolen. He wanted them to become inanimate objects, like I once was; an item that has no emotion or warmth in their heart, just a doll used for sex and endless abuse. He wanted to turn them into that.

"I'll even be a nice guy share the profits with you. No, if you join my crew again, I'll split the sum right down the middle. How's that sound?"

How's that sound, he asks?

To me, it sounded like a bullet going right between his eyes.

He landed on the floor with a solid thud. Ripples of blood spread to my shoe as I watched the thick crimson ooze from his skull, forever staining the carpet below.

"Well, there's your answer." That was the kindest way of turning down his offer that I could think of.

With my gun still steadily in front of me, I moved out the door and made fretful eye connection with Erwin, who was previously leaned up again the wall, but he stood erect at attention now. From the look he was giving, he already knew how the negotiating ended. Either he heard the gun going off or my face told the whole story.

Racing footsteps sounded down the hall and the sounds drifted around the corner. The men clumsily drew their weapons at us, but before one of them could get a tight enough hold on the handle, I shot the weapon clear out of his hand. The coward ran and left his buddy to fend for himself.

This man, however, pointed his weapon at me with no intention of backing down, and I aimed mine at him. It was a stalemate, so I backed away slowly with Erwin behind me to make space between us.

"You might not end up like your boss in there if you tell me where the two children that were kidnapped are."

"I ain't telling you shit! How dare you, motherfucker! I'll kill you!"

It's as if no one in this whole fucking building speaks my language. I'm sick of asking politely. In the matter of a second, I darted my eyes off his, held my breath and I readjusted my aim to his leg. My ears popped, violated from the shot fired.

My hearing was welcomed back with a piercing shriek that sounded too high to be coming from a middle-aged man. He crashed down into a fetal position. His hands lathered up with his own blood as he nursed his fresh wound.

Beads of sweat glided down my pores as I dropped down hard onto one knee and positioned him upward with a yank of his hair. His teeth clenched with a distasteful whine as I stabbed the barrel against his temple "Next shot goes in your head if you don't answer my question."

"A-Alright! I'll tell you, you fucking runt! They're downstairs at the auction!"

"...Auction?"

The man laughed, like he went mad from the pain assaulting his leg. "They're probably sold by now, you're too late. They're probably getting the innocence fucked out of them as we speak."

I didn't even mean to do it—my trembling temper clenched the trigger too tight on its own. Another thunderous shot was fired and another asshole was added to my body count. "Oops. Looks like you were getting a shot in the head regardless if you told me—come on Erwin, let's go."

Forcing down a gulp, he caught up with me. He saw plenty of deaths, hundreds even, but not between humans. It was a shame that humans still were fighting against each other even when the Titans posed as our main threat, but if you kept animals locked in a cage long enough, they're bound to get wild.

"Tch. Asshole got his blood all over me." I tried to make the complaint sound casual, but my anxiety spiked from the moistness smothering my face.

"Here." Erwin had offered a handkerchief in my field of view, and I took it and stole a glance at him as I did.

His expression was completely unreadable and even though I could sense that he noticed me looking at him, he never bothered looking down at me. I didn't even want to imagine what was going through his head, or what his opinion about me was right now. I vigorously wiped my face with the cloth. Hell, I don't even know I feel about myself at the moment.

After descending down the isolated stairs in a fury, we entered a dimly let room that was over the capacity with middle-aged men. The constant chatter among each other was nonstop and the indistinguishable words drilled into my ears from all angles. There were about ten rows of chairs leading from one side of the room to the other, and the direction those chairs were placed in were facing an empty platform.

"Do you think we're in the right place?" Erwin asked with unsteady glances around the space, inspecting the unfamiliar setting.

"Yes, this is right." It was all too familiar to me. Not that I ever was interested in buying a sex slave— _God no—_ but in the past, I did attend these events to loot some of the rich perverts while they were too distracted bidding on buyable humans.

Now that I had my chance to survey the room, I impatiently came to the conclusion that maybe we were too late like the man had said. My heart stalled in a beat at the thought.

What if Eren and Mikasa were already purchased and off to some perverts mansion where they would be trapped forever? There would be  _no possible way_  to track them down once that happened. I seethed and almost dragged myself into hysteria.

That fucking bastard Maverick—he had no intention of trading them for me, he just wanted to be greedy and sell the kids he's been search for  _and_  somehow manage to get me back into his crew. What a fucking asshole—for a second, I was about to allow the blissful idea of killing him calm me down like I usually did, but the deed was already done. For some reason, the reality didn't live up to my fantasies, but it was still refreshing to know the bastard was dead.

Reflexively, my palm caught my mouth and I did my all not to barf. Not only was I sick from the sight of seeing two persons brains splatter across the walls, but the thought of being too late to safe Eren and Mikasa made me far more ill.

Noticing my stress, Erwin put his hand on my shoulder; the only thing he could do to console me, but it didn't do shit. Not a damn thing. Those kids might be a bit of a handful, especially Eren being the brat he is, but I never wanted to see anything bad happened to them. From the moment I met them, a protective part of me took over. It was selfish that I saw myself in them and that's why I helped them in the first place, but I still seen past our similarities and accepted them for who they were; their annoying quirks and all. I took them out from the cold and let them stay with me in hopes of keeping them out of harms way...but I suppose them living with me was more dangerous in the end. I never even considered the possibility of them getting involved with my corrupt life. I was so stupid. So fucking stupid and it's all my fault that they're gone.

I almost,  _almost_  let a foreign tear drop escape me, but it was sucked back inside after Erwin had shook my shoulder, waking me from my grieving trance. "Levi, look."

Eren and Mikasa—they were a few feet away from me, right on the platform. They were unconscious and my blood raced through my veins from a mixture of relief and disgust from the sight given to me. They were either knocked out or drugged, I'm betting on the latter. I stomped my heel forward, but I was stopped my Erwin pulling me back with a tight restrain around my elbow.

"Fucking let me go." I gave him an animalistic stare, like a beast about to kill its prey in the wild. Even though my gaze touched the verge of pure insanity, he wasn't fazed by it. I actually had a crazy idea pop into my head during this: if Erwin didn't let me go, I was going to kill him.

"Levi, listen for a second," he kept his voice low enough not to attract any lingering ears. "It's too risky to just stomp up there and snatch them away. If you hadn't notice, there's guards all around the room. They'll shoot you with intentions to kill if you get too close to their merchandise."

As if to clarify this words, I picked the guards out with my gaze around the room.

In my heat of frenzy, I felt unstoppable, like even a bullet to the head couldn't stop me, but luckily Erwin's rational voice calmed me down a few notches.

My stance loosened and I turned my body back to him fully. "Then what do you propose we do?"

"This might sound crazy, but hear me out—let's just allow them be bought, then follow them to wherever the pervert lives, then take them back from there. It's easier to fight off one or two guys than this entire room."

I folded my arms and snarled up at him. "No. Let's not do that. That's fucking stupid and risky. What if we lose sight of them?" If we lost their track, it would be impossible to find them again. They were right in front of us, this was our only chance to get them before they were harmed or tainted any further.

"It's less risky than trying to retrieve them now in plain sight. It's not like you can just start shooting up the place and flee unharmed."

"Tch. I  _would_  if I could, but I only have two bullets left."

"Exactly, that's why our best option is to sit this out and wait. Trust me, I wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't think it would work."

"Alright, fine." I reluctantly spit out. "I'll trust your judgment this time. But if this doesn't work, you're the next person getting a bullet to the head, understood?"

"If the plan goes sour, you are free to kill me."

"It's not like I need your permission." With that, we took a seat in the back row. My crossed my legs jittered anxiously as the auction commenced.

"Welcome, gentlemen. Tonight we have a special treat for you. Only a fool would pass up on this amazing deal."

"Tch, disgusting." I said under my breath, and Erwin nudged me quiet.

"Cut it out. You'll draw attention to yourself." He said without looking at me, his lips barely moving.

It didn't take much to quiet me, because I became distracted by the man on stage selling his pitch.

"This young girl here is of Asian descent. She's not full-blooded, but she's still the last of her kind. Those with a rare collection should not pass this opportunity up. And to my right is a feisty boy. He puts up quite the fight, so those looking for a challenge would love to get their hands on him. The bidding for both will start at five-hundred thousand."

My nose curled. How can they put a price tag on children? On human beings for that matter? Prostitution was one thing, but buying non-consenting children? I could only hope Hell exist for every bastard in this room.

Look at all these scumbags staring at those kids like they're a pieces of meat on display. Fucking filthy. They wouldn't ever see Mikasa for the person she really is—a reserved, quiet girl that held the purest love for her brother, nor would they see how passionate Eren could get and how determine he is when it comes to getting what he wants. You'd think children that went through everything they did would be much more bitter and rebellious, but they were still so pure. Hell, they didn't even know what sex was a few days ago, but these pigs didn't care, they probably got off on stealing a child's innocence.

Given that Eren's description referred to him as being a fighter, I can only assume he tried to defend himself the best he could when they tried to take them away. It would explain the crime scene being a disaster—that kid was stronger than his age suggested.

I was proud of him. Both of them, really. For them to endure all this and still be breathing was a miracle.

The bidding went on until the price sky rocketed high enough to leave many of the men out of the auction. It was between two men now, who fought tooth and nail to out-bid each other until the price was five-million. I was getting impatient, I just wanted to get this over with and take them away from this filthy place.

"We're going to be here all night, gentlemen," the host said, "How about you call it even and each settle on one of the items you want to bring home?"

The men exchanged glances to each other from across the room and agreed to the suggestion in unison.

"Only if I get the boy." One of them said.

The other man took a moment to think, and after a few seconds he agreed. "I wanted both, but fine. I wanted the girl more anyways."

"Then it's settled!"

With that, the auction was over and everyone stood, blocking my eyes that had been glue on the kids all this time. My chest fluttered in panic when they vanished from my sight. I quickly stood to my feet, not that it made a difference.

"Can you still see them?"

Erwin hooked his head around a bit, his height lucky giving him an advantage to see over the crowd. He took so long to answer and it made me nervous as hell, then I finally received a nod. "Yes, they're being picked up by their buyers on stage. But we have to hurry."

We shoved our way through the crowd, and a surreal feeling of claustrophobia overcame me, but now wasn't the time for that. Fearing I'd lose Erwin who was my only means of guidance at this point, I grabbed his sleeve and he escorted us through the mob of people.

"They just went outside the back door near the stage."

By the time we made it outside, I only caught a glimpses of Eren being shoved into a carriage. Only a few seconds passed before it began to head off down the pavement. Panic struck me and left me feeling queasy as the gap between Eren and I got further. I looked to Erwin with uneasiness. We only had  _mere seconds_  to follow the next step of our plan.

"Mikasa is in that one." Erwin pointed to the carriage on the opposite side of the street.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'll follow this one, you go after Eren."

"Alright. We'll meet back at your place afterward." We were left with no other choice but to split up. "Don't fucking lose sight of her. Get her before that creep could lay a single finger on her."

"I will. You have my word."

I gave him one more strict gaze and turned right into a run to catch up with the carriage. Luckily, the wagon was going at a slow, casual pace. So long as I kept up a brisk walk, I wouldn't lose sight of them. My teeth chattered, it was freezing out, but another type of chill entirely ran through me just thinking Eren and Mikasa were alone riding with the men who just paid big money for them. I knew they were dying to test out their expensive new merchandise but I hoped desperately that they wouldn't lay a hand on them before we could rescue them.

Even though the plan was riding out accordingly thus far, I still felt so hopeless for the first time in so long. What if I couldn't save them? Would if that pervert is doing something filthy to Eren in the back of the cart right now? There was nothing I could do to stop it. But I couldn't let my pessimism control me. I had to stay focused on the matter at hand. What was important right now was rescuing them, I would worry about how to deal with other problems afterward.

If worse came to worse and those filthy pigs touched either of them before we could save them...then I'll do my best to comfort them and I'll—no, let's just hope it doesn't come to that.

Sometime later I found myself watching the carriage enter the lot of a huge estate. The neighborhood of mansions lined up side by side made me feel like I entered a whole other world. I've never even heard of this side of Wall Sina before. It wasn't particularly hidden or out of the way, but the maze I followed the carriage through to get here was mostly due to the centrals' confusing layout.

I scraped my knee and my shirt tore in the process of climbing the side wall barricading the property, but my injuries didn't faze me as I ran over to the nearest window.

Erwin was right—this plan was much easier. This rich, lonely pervert likely lived alone, so I could probably break-in undetected. Not to mention it would be effortless to take down one guy on my own. This will work. I'm going to get Eren back.

At the same time I felt relief, dread also followed when I wondered how Erwin's side to the plan was going, but I can only hope for the best right now and keep focused on my own goal in front of me.

Using a hand-sized rake from the garden, I cracked the window open as quietly as I could. From what I could tell, this side out the house was unoccupied of any presence so I didn't have to keep my guard too high now. Lifting myself over the lid of the window, I tumbled into the house and quickly rose back to my feet.

I was in what appeared to be a sitting room, one of the many, that is. I crept through the darkness the room held until I passed the archway leading to the hallway that was lit by flickering candles on the wall.

I had no idea where to look first. Not only was this place totally unfamiliar to me, but it was huge—probably larger than my entire neighborhood. Should I look upstairs first, or should I check the east wing, or should I clear out the rest of the west end? I had no evidence to tell me where they could be. I saw the bastard enter the estate with Eren in his arms, but by the time I broke in, they must have located themselves somewhere deep in the house.

Just as I was about to run upstairs, thinking the pervert would want to bring Eren to his bedroom, I heard a muffled shout coming from below the floorboard.

I ran as fast as I could, opening every door I saw until I found one that led down to the basement. I quieted my footing as I descended down the stairs, cursing under my breath as they creaked. The further down I went, faint, provoked wails became clearer and it was indeed Eren's tone making them.

Just hold on a little bit longer. I'm coming. I'm going to take you away from all this.

My heart thumped so fast that I actually thought I'd be detected for that alone. I swallowed hard—I couldn't lie, I was terrified. Not because I was afraid of anything happening to me—but if something did happen to me, Eren would be defenseless with no hope of ever escaping. His safety rested in my hands right now. I couldn't fail him.

"Get off me, you fucker!"

Instinctively, I almost cleared the rest of the steps with a leap when I heard Eren yell, but I instead kept going at a steady pace. I couldn't fuck this up. I couldn't let my emotion ruin my only chance.

Hearing a lot of movement, assumed to be Eren fighting back the man, the pig screamed out, "You ungrateful scamp! Looks like I'll have to tie you up after all!"

Still concealed by the wall on the last step, I readied my gun in hand and whipped around the corner.

The first thing my sight latched onto was a large mattress placed in the middle of the room with Eren squirming under the weight of the man who bought him back at the auction—he was trying to bound rope around his wrist as he told him to stay still. But Eren fought and kicked the man in the crotch repeatedly until he had enough and reached for his holstered gun and waved it in front of his face.

My revolver clicked from cocking it back, earning all attention to myself in the room, and the aim of his gun was shortly aimed to me instead.

"Drop it. I just want the kid back. I won't hurt you if you comply." I lied, I was going to kill this dirty piece of shit regardless. My eyes flared on his eyes that were already dead.

The man crawled backwards off the bed, his aim never drifting. "Who do you fucking think you are? You think you can come into my home and steal from me? He's mine, I bought him!"

Before I had time to react, Eren and pounced on the man while he was distracted, trying to pull the gun from his hands. He clawed at his hands until they bleed and the pistol dropped to the floor with a clink. I bolted toward them the moment the aim was off me, but before I could do anything the man shook him off and Eren collided hard with the wall.

I returned my aim and shot without hesitation—but being as close as I was, the man had time to push my arm up and away from him. The bullet ricocheted off the ceiling and now he put all his effort into wrestling the gun from my hand.

The fucker had me gripped by the collar and had my arm twisted in a way that left me with little room to move my aim back to him. I punched with my non-dominate hand, but the weak impact barely fazed him.

In the midst of struggle, I heard movement below and managed to strain my gaze down to Eren, who was sitting down on the floor and stirring awake after taking a good knock to the head, but that wasn't the only good news—he had the mans dropped pistol in hand.

The man was drawn to what was stealing my attention and his eyes protruded, "Don't you even think about it, you little shit!" he screamed in desperation. He was utterly fucked and he knew it. If he were to let go of me and tried to go after Eren, I'd shoot him on the spot, and if things continued like this, Eren would shoot him.

But there were risks involved in having the upper hand. For one—Eren looked like he was seeing double-vision from the hit on the head, his aim was anything but steady. Even if you disregarded that, he was a twelve-year-old that likely never shot a gun before. Taking that and this pig so close to me into consideration, that set horrible conditions and meant there was a very high chance he'd miss and shoot me right in my temple while meaning to target him.

But that didn't matter. Even if he shot me in the process, so long as he got him on the second try, he would be able to free himself from this mess safely.

"Do it, Eren."

I could tell he shared the same thoughts as me from the fright appearing on his face. The gun shook between both his hands as a steady stream of tears glided down his cheeks. To me it didn't matter. I was already willing to die today if I had to. As long as Eren got out of here safe, I didn't care about what happened to me.

The man was still struggling against me, his vile gaze taking turns between Eren and I, like he didn't know who would strike first. When I looked back to Eren, I was shocked to see him wearing a completely different expression. He didn't look scared anymore. He was dead-focused and slammed an eye closed as he squeezed the trigger.

A clean shot pierced the air as a deafening crack broke the sound in the room. The tight grip once on me loosened and the man fell to his knees before me. I sidestepped out of the way so he could fall face-first.

Our labored breathing was the only sound occupying the room now. Feeling strained, tired and relieved, I collapsed to my knees in front of Eren. My head dipped in shame.

"I-I'm so sorry—I'm so sorry you had to do that, this was all my fault, I—" Before I could trail off in broke syllables, Eren had tossed the gun to the side and wrapped his arms around me. Not expecting the sudden affection, my eyes protruded in shock, but soon hooded contently at the familiar warmth and scent surrounding me. I returned the hug tightly and slide my lids shut.

Minutes passed by without any intention of letting each other go any time soon. I rubbed Eren's back gently as he pet my hair, and the content feeling of having his heart beating against my chest made my features scrunch in overwhelming emotion.

"Levi...Are you crying?"

My lips quivered against his sleeve that was damp from the moister rolling out of my eyes.

I am. I'm crying. No—I'm blubbering on his kids shoulder. I wasn't angry anymore. I wasn't depressed. I wasn't anything but relieved, and that relief was pouring out of my tear ducts. This kid is safe in my arms again. For a while there, I really didn't think that would be possible.

I nearly choked on the thick accumulation that built up in my mouth, "I'm so glad you're safe, Eren. I'm so fucking glad." I dug my face deep into the fabric of his sleeve and held him even tighter for a while longer before I removed my chin from his shoulder and cupped his cheeks in my hands, swiping a thumb over this tears that were streaming out faster than mine. "Again, I'm so sorry you had to do that. I know it wasn't easy."

"Don't say you're sorry. You did nothing wrong—if it wasn't for you, who knows what he would've done to me. He deserved to die. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time I had to put down a beast disguised in human form."

The conversation with Maverick linked together with his claim. I understand now. All the pieces of the puzzle formed together. Mikasa and Eren weren't simply adopted siblings that took a fond liking to each other, their bond was formed in a similar predicament as ours right now. Her parents were killed my Maverick's men, the men who replaced me and my crew, and those men were killed in the midst of their mission. I heard rumors of the girl not acting alone, but they were true. She had this brave boy—no—man save her life.

I know I'm suppose to be the adult here, but I found myself so envious of his strength and courage. I began to tear up again, even harder than before. Now that a decade worth of blockage has been cleared, there's just no stopping the flow now.

This time, Eren returned the favor and pressed his palms on each side of my face, wiping his thumbs under my eyes to catch the fallen droplets. I leaned my cheek indigently into his small palm and the smile he gifted me with was just as warm as his hands.

"Thanks for saving me, again."

The sweet words lingered close to my heart that felt on the verge of bursting. I brushed my fingers along his wrist and down his forearm. "No, thank you, Eren."

He tilted his head, confused—but that was to be expected. He had no way of knowing how much he saved me.

** ~x~ **

By the time Eren and I found our way back to the familiar grounds, night had already fallen over Wall Sina. Afraid I'd lose him again, we held hands the whole way back, only unlinking once we arrived at Erwin's place. Seeing lights on inside, I braced myself before knocking. He was home, but there was no way of knowing what news awaited me as I idled outside with Eren. I could only hope everything worked out and he got Mikasa back safely.

—And just as I thought this, the door swung open. Expecting Erwin to answer, I had my head held high, but my gaze fell low when I heard a high-pitched cry.

"Eren!"

Mikasa pounced on him with open arms, nearly knocking the poor kid over with her strength. But her tension loosened as he hugged her back, but her cries never faded.

"I'm so happy—you're safe Eren."

My lips curved down at their reunion. I knew how she felt—I'm happy too. So happy to see them both safe and able to have this moment together.

When she finally pried herself from Eren, she leaped on me and wrapped her arms around my waist. Her embrace was so tight and I couldn't help but to sound a sharp " _hmph!_ ".

"Thank you so much for bringing Eren back to me, Levi."

I bent over and returned the hug, petting her soft hair as I did. "Thank God you're safe, Mikasa. I was so worried."

After a lengthy embrace, we pulled away from each other, and all three of us were wearing elated expressions. After all the emotions I was forced to endure today, it was so refreshing to be rewarded with their beautiful smiles.

Mikasa pulled us both inside after pestering about us getting sick if we stood in the cold too much longer.

It was nice and toasty inside from the fireplace blazing, and that told me they must have been here waiting for us for quite sometime. It must have been nerve-racking waiting for our return. Erwin must have handled the rescue quicker than me, but in my defense I would have been back hours ago if Eren and I didn't get lost a thousand times.

All in all, we both won and that's all that mattered. The kids are alive and well, and Erwin and myself made it back in one piece. Almost on cue as I thought about him, Erwin appeared in the living room with a towel draped over his shoulders, fresh from the bath.

He breathed a heavy sigh of relief as he stared at Eren and myself. "Thank goodness you're finally back. I was starting to have my doubts."

"Tch, thanks a lot. Do I look that incapable to you?"

The casual reply made him smile. "Of course not—I just figured you might have gotten lost."

He hit the nail right on the head.

Pushing aside the friendly exchange, I closed the gap between Erwin and myself and regarded him with a serious expression. "Thank you for getting Mikasa back safe—I know I put you through a lot today and I lost my head back there—and I'm really sorry about all that, really, I am."

He shook his head. "Think nothing of it. I'm just happy to see them both safe."

A stiff presence bestowed beside me and soon came between Erwin and I.

Eren took a deep breath and his following words came out forced, but genuine, "Thank you for rescuing Mikasa. I don't know what I'd ever do if something happened to her." He scratched the back of his head timidly, averting his ambivalent his gaze. He's worse at showing gratitude than I am. "And I might as well take this moment to say I'm sorry for being so disrespectful the other night..."

Eren woke up from his bashfulness from a solid plop on his head. Erwin ruffled his hair with a guffaw, stunning the boy, and me. "Don't you worry yourself about that. Just be sure to take care of sister, and  _especially_ Levi in my absence, would you? The guy honestly doesn't know the first thing about taking care of himself."

With my arms folded, I tsked with a roll of my eyes as Erwin and Eren giggled in the background. That phrasing, though, filled me with something I couldn't describe, but it was a bittersweet sensation. I think Erwin and I both knew that the pointless affair between us was over now. We both knew it wouldn't last forever; all good things come to an end eventually—but when it came down to it, it really wasn't right from the start. It was fun though, and Erwin will always remain a special person to me. But what he told Eren made me ponder. In one way it felt like closure between us, but it also felt like Erwin noticed something I didn't yet. The man was always a few steps ahead of everyone, after all. I suppose I'll find out sooner or later.

** ~x~ **

A few hours later, Mikasa passed out from exhaustion on the couch shortly after dinner and Erwin insisted on being a friendly host and gave up his bed for Eren and I as he slept out on a spare futon in the living room.

Every ounce of energy was leaving my body at once the moment my body connected with the mattress. I felt weightless, yet my body was too heavy to move on its own anymore. I couldn't tell if I was overly exhausted or relieved to have Eren beside me again. All the tension I held for hours was finally freeing from me. I laid there sore and aching, my body pulsating, but it felt good to finally lay down. After a while, I became numb head to toe and fell into a comfortable sleep.

But this dreadful day couldn't conclude with a happy ending just yet.

All of those dark thoughts and fears I held for Eren and Mikasa were being replaced with guilt and regret. I would only fall asleep minutes at a time, then wake up out of breath, clutching at my speeding heart. Eren would bolt up on cue with me every time and lay my head back down to the pillow as he hummed the melody of 'Monday's Child' in my ear.

I'd fall asleep again, but it was an endless loop of nightmares. After a few times, we gave up on sleeping. Laying together side-by-side, we faced the ceiling and talked until the sun crept in through the blinds.

In the beginning of our conversation, Eren wordlessly noted that I was spooked and did his all to sooth me. He told me about his friend Armin and his book about the outside world. He described a thing called the ocean and topical lands and fields of ice and terrains of sand. Eren's words painted beautiful pictures for my mind's eye to explore—but mentions of the world outside put me in a gloomier mood when I remembered that my parents were taken away because of that beautiful world. That only added to my already established dread, but I appreciated his effort nevertheless.

Our chat drifted eventually and I ended up telling him nearly everything. I told him all about Maverick and how I killed him. I told him about my friends and their brutal deaths, and my doubts about Maverick being guilty of their murders. I wasn't even sure if there was another culprit out there right now and even more hopelessness rushed through me at the mere idea.

I just kept talking. I wouldn't shut up. It was like a backed up pipe sprung a leak and was letting out all the toxic garbage that's been stuck inside so long.

Eren, believe it or not, was a fantastic listener. He'd nod his head with interest and ask follow-up questions. He'd stare intently at my mouth as I spoke, like he was trying to clutch every word and store it away for his own personal collection.

I told him bits about my past and I finally shut my mouth long enough to allow him to share his own stories with me, ones that surprised me, some that made me undergo painful emotions and ones that made me want to smile.

The spotlighted tale he told me was the night he saved Mikasa, and I went on to tell him that it was supposed to be me and my crew to do that job but I turned it down. He made a comment about how tiny the world we live in is.

The next topic I brought up was how I felt at this very moment.

"Eren...I feel...filthy. Filthy because I have people's blood on my hands. It doesn't matter how much I scrub, it just won't go away. It stained my skin and it won't come off." Of course, this was metaphorically speaking, considering the fact that there hasn't been a speck of blood on me since my lengthy bath earlier. It was more of a compulsive reaction to my sins.

"You were left with no other choice. You did the right thing."

Even though he was comforting me, I had to disagree with him. "No. It wasn't the right thing to do. I know they were bad people, I know this and yet...I hate myself for what I did." I never thought I would ever scoop low enough to mindless violence. I hated death, even if the person deserve it. If I just stayed calm, this all could have been prevented. If I didn't let my fuming emotions get in the way, I could have tackled that pervert assaulting Eren and sent him to the police to handle—but I let this poor kid do my bidding for me and that was worse than killing him myself.

It's not like my life was actually in danger back when I was negotiating with Maverick. I could have managed everyone's and my own safety without any casualties. But my temper pulled the trigger—more times than I thought I ever would.

I never killed before and it was hard adjusting to the new title of being a murderer.

I was so set on killing Maverick all this time, but when it came down to it, I didn't have the guts—no matter how crooked he was—knowing his blood was on my hands just didn't settle with me right. I also killed one of his men in the heat of rage, over a slur. That could have been avoided.

I realized now that this day will haunt me through life for as long as I live.

"Levi."

Eren's call of my name had pulled me from my thoughts, and I softened my expression when I turned my head to him.

Radiance seeped in from the shutters and highlighted his bronzed skin. Sparkling light reflected off his eyes and danced on the surface like two dishes of water scooped from a fresh stream. Or maybe it's better to describe them as topical ocean water—I've never seen anything like that before but based on Eren's description, his eyes matched the color I imagined perfectly.

Floating dust particles polluted the golden glow and I found it so hard to look away from the dreamy scene. When he began to speak in a tone that matched the atmosphere, I also found it impossible not to be seized by every word.

"Please don't be sad. I know you feel guilty for taking others lives, regardless if they deserved it, but you have to remember that you actually saved others by killing them. Based on what you told me, that Maverick guy was a snake and he would have kept stealing kids like me and Mikasa if you didn't put him down. Just like you saved us, you saved future children from being kidnapped and sold like dogs. Putting a bullet through a perverts brain didn't seem like a bad deed to me at the time and it still doesn't. If we didn't do it, he would have found another child to prey on and all the things you feared would happen to me would have happened to someone elses child. Don't beat yourself up over doing the right thing. Give yourself some deserved credit. You're a hero."

With those words, my heart-rate steadied and felt warmer than the beams of sunlight touching my pale cheek.

He was right. I wasn't so sure about the hero part, though.

Wrapping an arm around him, I scooted in snugly against him and before he could react to my lips closing in on him, I planted a kiss on his forehead, his cheek and left a peck on his little nose. I pulled away with the kindest smile I could muster.

His skin was no longer the glowing tan I've noted moments before, it was steaming red and damp with perspiration. His eyes teared up from keeping his sight static on me for so long and I was positive that I could physically feel his heart bumping out of his chest.

"Wha-What was that for?!"

"You wanted a New Years kiss, didn't you?"

His eyes twitched wider in recall. "But...I didn't carry out my side of the deal..."

"You still earned it. You're a smart kid, Eren. Don't let anyone ever tell you different."

His blissful smile was caught between my hooded lashes. His echoing voice was fading from me. "You're the only one that tells me differently."

A chuckle sounded in my throat as my heavy eyelids finally closed. "That's because you're a brat."

** ~x~ **

" _Finally_ —it's about damn time you woke up." The second I walked outside the bedroom and into the kitchen, Erwin lifted his head impatiently from a newspaper in hand. "Come here and take a look at this."

"I'm not looking at anything until I have a pot of coffee and a bottle of aspirin in my system. A shot of whiskey would be nice too."

"This is no time for jokes. Look."

I sighed and fussily tugged the newspapers from his hand and yawned into it. Erwin explained in summary before my blurred eyes could focus on the small print.

"He was a noble—" he folded his fingers together and dryly clarified his phrasing, "—the man you killed last night, the one that bought Eren at the auction. He's all over the front page."

"Good for him." With an airy huff, I flicked the paper back on the table and reached skyward to fetch a cup from the cabinet. I spoke boredly, grogginess still infesting my voice. "So what if he was a noble? He was a dirty shit that tried to rape a little boy. I'm glad he's being exposed for who he really was."

Eren had been the one to kill him, but I wouldn't dare let Erwin know that. He and I talked last night for a while when Eren was in the bath and after Mikasa fell asleep. I told him that I was left in a tight position and had to kill the man who bought Eren. Erwin didn't have much to say about it, only that he was lucky enough to stealthy grab Mikasa and slip out while her buyer was in another room. After we discussed that, he told me to stay here at his place for a while until everything calmed down, knowing I'd have a pack of vengeance-seeking followers wanting me dead after killing their boss.

"If anything, I did the community a good service by killing that pig. I'm thinking a million dollar reward would suffice."

"I don't think you understand. They already tracked you down as the prime suspect."

I slammed the mug down at those words and spun back around, doubt in my eyes.

"He was royal blood, related to the king. They didn't say a word about his crimes. They wrote it off as an assassination. Levi—if they find you, they're going to  _hang you_  for this."

My gaze fell to the floor.

How could this be happening?

...Why am I even questioning this—this was typical. Of course they'd mourn the lost of a dirty rapist and set a bounty for the one who rescued his victim. This is how the government worked between these corrupt walls. If you weren't royal blood or in a rich class, you meant nothing. Anyone lower was just trash that should be deposed of permanently.

The Military Police have been dying to find a way to convict me for a long time and now they had their reason. I would never be given a fair trial at this point, not with my record and my infamous name around here. Explaining the situation and unveiling the pig for who he really was to the Military police would be a useless effort. Trying to prove my innocence translated to turning myself in to face my punishment in their eyes. They already picked their side. They would rather defend the corpse of a scumbag noble than an exonerated criminal like me who was just protecting a child.

"I think it goes without saying that you need go into hiding, you and the kids. They're technically involved in the assassination of a noble since they associate with you. You know as well as me that they have no remorse for kids of poverty class—they'll classify them as adults if they find a connection between you and them. The three of you are as good as dead if you're caught."

I tapped the counter with my fingernails as I blinked down at the cold tile in thought.

I couldn't exactly go back to my home regardless if I was a suspect in the case or not. I killed Maverick and another member of the North gang. They knew where I lived now, the remains of the gang will surely want revenge for their bosses death. Now with this bounty added to the pot, I was positive that I could never step foot around Wall Sina again.

"I think your best bet is moving underground. I'll try to buy you time—I could give them some false leads so you can move freely until you're settled."

"Tch. You expect me to go live in that filthy dark hole with the mole rats?"

"Would you rather be the main star in a pubic hanging?"

"...The underground city it is."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand with that, this arc is complete! I don't even care if this sounds conceited, I'm proud that I've finally made it this far. Fun fact: the premise of this chapter was what inspired the entire fic in the first place, so making it to this point is a big achievement for me!
> 
> And yep, you read right. The trio is moving underground! (Levi being wanted aside, a setting change was due for his sake. The man needs a fresh start somewhere new.)
> 
> Anyways, look forward to the next chapter! There's Ereri on the way! :D


	17. Act ll: Reticent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nearly three years have passed and a lot has changed, for better or worse, but when Levi discovers there's still some things that remained the same, he doesn't know how to feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the future~! So, let me just say that my first draft for this wasn't going anywhere near romantic progress—I was gonna have them very slowly realize their feelings over the course of a few chapters, but I rewrote it with a different approach in mind because ain't nobody got time for that lol. In all seriousness, I'm sorry if this isn't what you were expecting, this is way different from my original plan, but I'm just more interested in writing their actual relationship now and not the road leading to it anymore.
> 
> Gah all my chapters are like 15k lately. I'm sorry, but I can't end a chapter unless I have a good stopping point. OTL

"Fuck, Eren, my arms hurt. This is taking  _way longer_  than I thought it would. But, we're starting to make some progress—barely."

Rolling up my sleeves, I wiped my brow with my forearm. My other arm rested my on my thigh; the rings of a scissors handle loosely in my grasp. I let out an irritated  _phew_ and briefly rested my sore arms, then returned to the laboring work before me.

"C'mon, it's not  _that_ bad."

With myself up on a chair, Eren was seated below on the floor; my legs on either side of his shoulders as I tilted my head at an angle, judging the evenness of the snip I just created. "Are you kidding? It was all the way past your shoulders. You started to look like an unruly beast."

"Hey, you have to admit I looked pretty cool."

"You looked like a hairy bum,  _that's_  what you looked like. Geez, your hair grows like a damn weed. This is why we need to stay on top of this so it doesn't keep getting out of control like this."

Saying that his hair was the  _only_ part that grew fast about the brat would be an understatement. Earning a flinch from Eren as I roughly combed out a few remaining knots, I peered over to the archway of the kitchen door. Along the frame lines were marked into the wood, starting near the middle and nearly reaching the top.

When we first moved here, it became a tradition to mark our heights on the frame—this was, of course, Eren's idea since he was so desperate to track the progress of his height.

Almost three years have passed, yet the single line marked for myself never altered; I still stood at 5 foot, 3 inches; not a centimeter more,  _or fortunately_ , less.

Mikasa had a few slow growth spurts, and I could  _swear to God_  that Eren went to bed a tiny shrimp one night and woke up as a hormonal teenager heightening in at 5 foot 7.

Eren and Mikasa shared the same height, but he convinced himself (and no one else) that he stood a few centimeters taller than her. Unfortunately, this means I lost my title as tallest in the household and snagged a spot in last place. Being the only adult in the house, I couldn't begin to tell you how much it bruised my pride to have these teens towering over me.

"I  _try_  to keep up with it," he brewed up an excuse, "but it's really hard to reach some areas myself. I just find it easier to let my hair grow in."

"And wait for  _me_  to get tried of looking at the messy mop on your head and do all the work for you, right? Tch, well, I rather you wait for me than do it yourself anymore. The last time you cut your own hair, you had a bald spot at the back of your head for months."

And he nearly got another as I snipped a strand of hair a little too close to his scalp when he heaved his head back in shock. "Huh?! No way, you're lying."

"Nope. Mikasa and I secretly vowed not to tell you. We were afraid you might hide it if we did."

"Uh, yeah—o _f course_  I would have hid it. You guys are such assholes." He pacified his annoyance by hissing something foul under his breath, and I forced his head straight with a yank of his hair.

"Stop moving your gigantic head around so much unless you want  _another_  bald spot—anyway, before I cut off any more is their a specific style you want?"

"Why do you even bother asking? Every time I ask you to give me a haircut like yours, you always just say—"

"—It wouldn't suit you." I took the words right out of his mouth. "I'll just give you the usual cut, then."

"I'm beginning to think that's the  _only_  other hairstyle you know how to cut—ugh, it's so boring."

I snipped his hair into layers, starting from the top and working down to the bottom, hoping that would stop tangles from building up. "Nah, just simple. Someone like you needs a haircut that's easy to manage. You couldn't keep up with all the grooming involved with my haircut."

"Yeah yeah—that reminds me, Mikasa really needs a haircut too, it's nearly hitting the middle of her back."

"Let the girl have long hair if she wants to."

"Oh,  _she_ can have long hair but  _I_ can't? Why don't you  _say_  she's your favorite already?"

"Okay. Mikasa is my favorite."

Eren's spine slouched forward like he was just kicked where it hurts, and I snipped another uneven strand. At this rate, he's going to look worse than before—but now as I thought about how unruly his hair looked this morning, fresh from sleep with bed head, I took back my phrasing because  _nothing_  could look worse than that.

Sure, he pulled off the  _look_  of having long hair, which is saying a lot because many men can't, but him being a dirty, lazy teenager that doesn't know how to properly groom himself (or bathe), the long locks of hair were anything but voluminous and lax; it was like looking at a muddy mop that needed the grease wrung out.

The unhealthy state of his hair could have been due to the excess moister in the air, too. Hair tends to suffer under those conditions, but there wasn't any way to avoid it.

Currently, it's nearing the second week of February, which meant spring was just around the corner and soon the flowers buds would bloom and bring a fresh wave of humidity right after—but seasons didn't play any role where we lived. The flowers soon to be sprouting couldn't be seen from below the soil.

The underground city—it's a dark, damp place free of any active plant life or weather. I haven't seen rain or snow in years, but a part of me saw that as a blessing, but I still missed the changing seasons sometimes. Having no seasons wasn't as glamorous as it seemed, though.

Since sunlight never touched this city, it was constantly under a cold veil, even in the summer. Firewood is expensive since you have to buy it from local stalls instead of chopping some yourself, so heat wasn't the easiest thing to obtain.

I've grown used to it, though. I've grown used to a lot of things by living down here. For one, the anxiety that came with my claustrophobia became nearly nonexistent now. It was hell for the first few months—I really did feel utterly trapped down here. The uneasy feeling of never seeing the wide open sky and knowing I could never leave made the mineral ceiling hovering above the city feel incredibly close. But over time, like many things, I sucked it up and got used to it.

Living down here had its perks, though. The neighborhood we lived in wasn't great, but it was safe; very similar to my old neighborhood. It was filled with honest criminals that didn't mean any harm to anyone, they were just trying to get by like the rest of us.

Also, Military Police are rarely spotted down here, which was a gift on its own. Sometimes I'd spot the patch of that hideous green unicorn in a crowd while out shopping, but it wasn't a daily obstacle I had to avoid.

They didn't dwell down here likely because they had no intention of serving and protecting the rats down here, so any business they had here was illegal on their part.

People fended for themselves here—there weren't any laws to abide, but there was an unspoken rule of order that ran the city and kept it peaceful enough to sleep soundly at night. Just like above the surface, there's still a lot of violence, robberies, drugs and prostitution, but so long as you didn't get mixed up in those crowds, you were just another citizen in the backdrop.

Eren, Mikasa and myself all shared this roof together and lived comfortably. We lived in a simple loft-styled home with a small, open concept kitchen and living room (which was meant to be used as a dinning room, but we plopped a couch in there and the interior-decorating was complete). There's a rickety spiral staircase that led to an overhang that overlooked the first floor. The space was meant to be a sitting room, but Eren and I turned it into a bedroom given that there's only one small bedroom on the first floor which had become occupied by Mikasa.

If you follow the second set of stairs on the top floor, it will bring you to the roof, which had become cluttered with Eren's exercise equipment over time. I didn't mind him using the space as his own domain though, the only time I went out there was when I had laundry to hang up to dry.

When we first moved here, I intended to give the kids the bigger space upstairs and occupy the small bedroom, but Eren wouldn't have it. He threw a fit, saying how he wanted to share the space with me. It worked out in some ways, and become more inconvenient in other ways as time passed.

When they were kids, the idea of them sharing a bedroom was fine, but it was good that Mikasa had her own private room now, her being a teenage girl and all. She's close with her brother, but I imagine it would be awkward to share a bedroom together at their current age, especially now that Eren was a very horny teenager that didn't know how to keep his hands out of his pants at night—but let's allow him to continue thinking he's being stealthy about it.

The inconvenient part about the sleeping arrangements is how Eren and I  _still_ share that space together, even now after he'd grown. When he was a kid, it wasn't a big deal, but a teenager sharing a bed with a nearly-thirty year old man that had no blood relations to him was anything but normal.

Personally, I didn't mind, but I wasn't so sure about how Eren felt about it anymore.

With a clap, I wiped my hands together. "Welp, you're all finished."

I stood to my feet and Eren picked himself up off the floor a beat later. Tousling his hair, he shook the loose hairs still clinging to him. Weightlessly, the remaining flyaways floated to the floor and he rotate to face me, darting a low smirk.

_How aggravating._

Eren stood taller than me now—myself barely peeking over his shoulder.

A lot of changes were made to Eren over the years, not just his height. The only thing that altered on me was the number of wrinkles between my brow that _this brat_  caused.

Eren no longer had his baby face; his chubby cheeks were replaced with defined cheekbones that were complimented with a sharp jaw. I was almost envious of his naturally tanned skin—with a lack of sunlight I became even paler over the years, making the dark circles around my eyes more prominent.

Unlikely me, Eren had a healthy, youthful glow about him, where I looked pretty worn out and tired—not that I aged much. Luckily, I still didn't look my age and I don't think that will catch up with me anytime soon. It was funny, really, how fast Eren caught up to me in terms of looks. He might be a teenager, but his body and features made him look well into his twenties.

Eren was so determined as a kid to become taller than me, and God decided to play a cruel trick and let his wish come true. A few years ago, before his sudden growth spurt, he would often prance around in his high-pitched voice saying:  _'Just watch! One day I'll top you!'_

I decided not to tell him how poorly chosen those words were because of the double-entendre.

It pissed me off how he'd always have that satisfied smirk on his face when he'd look down at me, like right now. It was his way of reminding me of his promise back then, like he was saying a big,  _'Told ya' so.'_

"Clean this up." I flicked a finger down and pointed at the heap of brunette curls cloaking the flooring.

"Ugh, can't it wait?"

"Your greasy hair is all over the floor—no,  _it can't wait._ " You'd think he'd accept that he has to keep a tidy space after all this time, but the dumbass hasn't learned a damn thing over the years. In fact, he was more cleanly when he was a kid.

Now he's just a dirty sloth and I had to drill cleaning instructions into his ear every day, so much so that Eren claims I still gave out chores in my sleep. Apparently, the most recent quote was:  _'Dust the goddamn baseboards, Eren.'_

An exaggerated sigh later, Eren retrieved a hand-held brush and dustpan from under the sink, and I sat heavily into the dining chair, an arm draped behind the backrest.

Bending into a kneel, Eren swept up the strands cluttering the floor—and I couldn't stop my eyes from tracing along the taut indentations of his shoulder blades and muscles jutting through his moss-colored shirt.

I cupped a hand over my gaze, rubbing my temples in vexation as I did.

Yes, Eren had indeed grown up—and grown in all the right places, I might add—but he was still a teenager that was half my age. I knew this, and yet I peeled my hand off my eyes and stole another look at him.

Eren's body had brawnly filled out due to his daily routine of working-out up on the rooftop, and I should also add he had an  _awful_ habit of walking around shirtless afterward to show off the sweaty progress he was making.

Eren lifted himself up and I averted my gaze quickly as he walked past me, but it didn't stray long. When Eren turned to me after dropping the contents of the dustpan in the bin, my eyes were still absentmindedly glued to him, and he cocked his head, a curious smile appearing on his lips.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

I almost uttered a sharp  _'shit'_  out loud from getting caught.

I came up with an excuse on the spot for my 'rude' stare. "Just admiring the great job I did—that haircut reminds me of the one you had as a kid." I sighed with phony nostalgia, "I miss that little bed-wetter sometimes."

Panic invaded him, his face glowing with rosy embarrassment. "T-That was  _one time_! Are you  _ever_ gonna let me forget that?!"

"No, and it was two times." I chuckled about it now, but at the time I was beyond pissed at the mess he made—but the memory wasn't really causing my amusement, it was Eren's current reaction. "Still can't believe you pissed up my whole back. You used to cling to me like a tick back then when you slept."

"Keyword: Used to. You shouldn't make fun of me, I was just a kid."

He acts like it was  _so_  long ago—it's only been a few months shy of two years since that custom ended. A while after he turned thirteen he started becoming quite reserved in that sense; it only got worse when he hit fourteen. "It's a miracle you stopped at all—I thought you'd be glued to me forever."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm too old for that childish shit now."

What a tough guy. Hard to believe this is the same punk that cried in frustration the other day when I taught him a new math formula.

"Funny how you say that, yet you're still young enough to share a bed with me."

He gave me a  _look_. One of  _my_  looks. I taught him well. "I don't really have a choice. Mikasa deserves to have her own bedroom and your gigantic bed is big enough for both of us to have our own separate space." He folded his arms, then added, "Why does someone  _your size_  need such a big bed anyway? Seems like your overcompensating for something."

"Oi, I'll have you know it's necessary since your big ass takes up eighty percent of the bed."

Eren flicked his head away, like he was losing interest in this conversation. "Yeah right. I sleep like a rock. There's no way I move anywhere near your side and disturb you."

"Bullshit. You're a wild sleeper. Half the time you nearly kick me out of bed."

Doubt filtered over his gaze. "Right, and if that's true, then why are you only telling me this now?"

"Why indeed."

We silently decided to end the conversation there after Eren gave me a peering look. He leaned back into the counter with crossed arms as minutes past. He stared out the kitchen window, which offered a horrible view of the dark and gloomy neighboring houses, but my eyes weren't interested in looking where his attention was grabbed.

"...What?" he cut the silence, and I was thrown off since he spoke without landing his eyes on me once. "You've been sending me weird looks all morning."

Dazed by him detecting my stare without even looking, I was overcome with a disgusting thing called insecurity. "I'm allowed to look whatever I damn well please."

"You're definitely in a weird mood today," he breathed out, pulling up his sleeves and revealing his hard, chiseled forearms.

". . . . . ."

The truth is, I lied before.

Eren wasn't a wild sleeper. And he never came close to kicking me off the bed. He slept quite soundly on the far end of the mattress, facing the other way from me.

Sometimes I was immature enough to think he was doing it out of spite and I had the urge to downgrade the bed to a smaller size just so he'd have no other choice but to sleep closer to me...but the follow up thought would be:  _Why_  would I even want him sleeping anywhere near me? What, so he could suffocate me and piss on me like he used to?

Old habits die hard, I guess.

My body must have gotten used to his arms holding me as I slept, and I subconsciously found it hard to adjust to his arms slowly drifting further away from me.

Sometime later, Mikasa arrived back from finishing some errands, breaking the awkward silence in the room. She welcomed Eren with an upward tilt in her brows. "You cut your hair," she reached out to touch and he flinched, but she ruffled up his hair anyways, a way to wear it in, you can say. He grumbled, annoyed by the doting affection. "I like it."

"Actually, Levi cut it."

She removed her hand from him, and he quickly put his hair back in place fussily.

"You did a good job." She turned to me. "You should cut mine too."

"You want it shorter?"

She took a long strand of her hair and examined it. "Yeah. It's kind of getting in my way. It's always in my eyes too."

"Sure, I'll do. Just tell me when you want it done."

"Thanks, maybe in a few days. I still need a little more time to decide."

Mikasa and I have become very close over the years—she wasn't as timid around me anymore and we often shared long talks together. Our bonding was the result of looking after Eren and along the way we discovered we shared a lot of similar opinions.

Most of the time, we had to stick together and keep that dumbass brother of hers out of trouble. The kid undoubtedly had some serious anger issues that built up once he reached the peek of puberty, and even though he seemed mild and friendly at home with us, he was a different person all together once he walked outside.

Mikasa and I once agreed that it felt like we had to walk him on a leash in public. The idiot always got mixed up in trouble some way or the other. He'd pick fights with random people who gave him or one of use even the  _tiniest_ ounce of attitude or even a simple dirty look. These confrontations would normally end with Eren getting his ass kicked and Mikasa or myself having to finish what he started.

He reminded me of myself as a teenager, except I actually knew how to defend myself and wouldn't start shit if I felt unevenly matched—but Eren was too stupid to learn from past mistakes. He was even dumb enough to start brawls with the same people who already handed him his ass many times before.

Trying to take on the role of a proper guardian, I tried questioning him on his motives behind being so reckless, but he'd simply rise his shoulders disinterested and say something like,  _'I was bored'_ or  _'I was in a bad mood._ '

There was never a solid explanation as to why he turned so rebellious all of a sudden, but I tried to sweep it under the rug and brand it as natural behavior for a troubled teenager. He's a hormonal wreck with an unpleasant past, so I considered myself lucky that he just had a tough-guy complex and didn't resort to other matters to let out his frustrations. He could have easily turned to drugs and getting girls knocked up if he wanted, but he didn't and I was damn lucky he had a simple case of rebellion and remained an untainted punk.

All in all, Eren was still an idiot, just a  _bigger_ idiot now.

**~x~**

"Whether it's fucking February or August it's  _always_  cold. Tch." I battled with my blanket, trying to fluff up the fabric, hoping that would thicken it and keep the chill air from sneaking underneath. You'd think I'd be used to this by now, but I wasn't. I could adjust to everything but the cold. Living in a fucking cold cave underground utterly sucked.

It was a little past ten at night, but I've been trying to fall asleep for two hours now. My body wouldn't stop quaking, which resulted in keeping Eren awake on the other side of the bed. He was quiet about it at first, but after I kept voicing complains, I sensed he was getting irritated. But that's too bad. If I can't sleep he's not allowed to either,  _someone_  needs to listen to my bitching.

I sneezed, and that sudden break in the sound startled Eren from drifting back to sleep. With the way he suddenly jumped up in fright, I thought the kid wet the bed again for the first time in years.

I sniffled and groaned nasally into my pillow. Even my own jokes weren't helping; I couldn't take my mind off of how freezing it is, and now to add to my annoyance, I had a runny nose.

"Are you getting sick?" he asked, and I was surprised to discover his voice didn't have a pinch of irritability laced in it.

"No, I don't get sick."

Later, I woke up at an ungodly hour of the morning sicker than a dog.

Not only did I have a fever, but I was on the verge of puking my brains up any second. Just to add another layer of aggravation, I couldn't stop sneezing, which resulted in giving me a migraine. Sitting at the edge of my bed, I slouched; my head nearly between my knees as I constricted my arms around my stomach and groaned in pain.

"Ugh this is disgusting."

"Just blow your damn nose already. I want to go back to bed  _sometime_  tonight and I won't be able to if you keep sniffling and sneezing." Eren was seated beside me, a tissue box in his lap.

I had woke him up with my nasally complaints, and he stood from a dead sleep and got some tissues and medicine for me. It was a rare occurrence for me to get sick—I haven't caught a cold since I lived on the streets of Wall Sina as a teenager. I always considered myself very hygienic and steered clear of germs, so it must be strictly the cold that triggered the sickness, even though I've bared through  _worse_  temperatures while living down here.

My sudden illness was a mystery; a mystery I didn't want to figure out because I was too damn sick to care.

I wiped my nose and tossed the tissue into the bin and sniveled at Eren beside me and ran my red, swollen eyes on him up and down.

"You'll be the next one to get sick of you don't put a shirt on."

He dipped his chin, as if to conform that, yes, he was in fact shirtless, like he always was when he slept. "Nah, I'm always boiling hot. The cold doesn't effect me."

"Well aren't you a special snowflake, or a sunspot, whatever the fucking phras— _achoo!_ "

"Bless y—"

"If you say that  _one more time_ , the next sneeze will be directed at you face."

"Well  _someone's_ crankier than usual." He took my temper lightly and sighed, "Just try to lay down, sitting up will only make you worse."

Following his advice, I laid my head back down on the pillow and shivered into the mattress that had now lost all my body heat.

I closed my eyes as I heard Eren's footsteps circle around to the other side of the bed. I peeled my eyes open as he lifted his covers up, and I assumed he was just going to crawl underneath and try to fall back to sleep, but instead he came back to my side, his blanket in hand.

"You need this more than me," he tossed the blanket carelessly over me, the fabric landing over my face.

I pulled the blanket down off my eyes so I can look at him again, but by the time I did he went missing from the picture. Weakly, I tilted my head to see he returned to his side of the bed.

"Are you warmer?"

I shrugged into the pillow. "Barely—but thanks, I guess."

I rolled my body in the opposite direction of him and bundled the soft cloth against my icy cheeks, that quickly thawed from Eren's body heat still trapped in the blanket. I breathed against the fabric deeply, and then secretly cursed my nose for being clogged. Peeved, I resorted to falling back to sleep.

**~x~**

**~Mikasa's POV~**

I arrived in the kitchen to find a little bundle of cloth propped in the dinning chair that I previously mistaken for laundry. When I rotated around the table, that bundle of blankets was revealed to be Levi wrapped up and shivering as he struggled to get some hot soup in his stomach.

Eren was close by, tapping the back of the neighboring chair and asking Levi if he needed anything else as Levi kept reassuring him that he was fine. It seemed as though I walked in on Eren being troublesome as usual, and Levi looked more than bothered by being asked for updates on his condition every passing minute.

Finally, Eren pointed his worrying gaze off Levi and onto me.

"Hey Mikasa, can you keep an eye on him? I'm afraid if I leave him sitting up alone he'll faint or something."

"I might be sick but I'm not a five year old that needs to be babysat." Nasally, Levi grumbled between us. Now it did actually feel like he was a little child and Eren and I were his adoring parents. Well, Eren more than me.

Wanting to satisfy Eren and also Levi so he could eat in peace without being pestered, I offered this, "You don't mind if I keep you company, right Levi?"

He twitched his neck, the gesture came off as something between a shrug and a nod. "Yeah it's fine." He pointed his thumb back at Eren, "I rather you here than this big headed idiot."

" _That's_  what I get for taking care of you all day?! You're cold..."

"I'm freezing, actually."

Said that man wrapped in two thick blankets.

"But listen to me, stop worrying. Go do your thing. Me and Mikasa will be here."

"Alright—keep a careful watch on him." After prying his eyes off Levi, he gave me a quick glance and left with that strict demand still lingering behind.

Levi watched Eren until he was out of sight, then he returned his eyes back to his bowl and stared absentmindedly.

Pulling out a chair beside him, I sat and folded my arms on top of the table, tapping my fingernails. I took a deep breath through the nose which probably made Levi envious of me since his nose is currently stuffed up.

I watched as Levi stirred his steaming soup boredly and made no attempt at lifting the spoon to his lips. I knew he had a stomach virus of some kind, along with other flu symptoms, so I thought I'd say something to perk up his appetite.

"Eren has become a great cook over the years, hasn't he?"

He shrugged Eren's talent off like it was no big deal, but I knew that Levi loved the dishes he prepared more than anything else. Eren has improved his culinary skills, which I was very proud of. It was nice to see him have a hobby, but he still couldn't grasp the basics of baking, and with that thought I was reminded that my birthday was coming up and my stomach curled thinking of the lumpy cake I had in store for me.

"At least I don't have to scrap my tongue of all the garbage he used to use as seasoning as a kid." I thought I saw a nostalgic half-smile, but it disappeared too quickly to know for sure.

Levi motioned his lips, but the sound took a longer than I thought it would to come out. "...Eren sure was a determined kid though, I'll tell you that. When he sets his mind to something, he does it—well, sometimes."

A longing look filtered over his glassy, droopy eyes, but a bitter look overall invaded his features. He looked to have lost his appetite completely now because he left his spoon stranded on the table.

I leaned my head into my cupped palm and inspected Levi, who didn't notice my glare on him.

After living in this house with Eren and Levi over the years, I can safely confirm that they are both  _morons_.

Every time I was in the same room with the two of them, I always felt like we were all ignoring the obvious elephant in the room—them more than me, since they had an inability to speak their mind. But in a way, so did I, simply because it wasn't my business; it's a personal issue between them. So, I kept my mouth shut and never pointed out the obvious problem in the room.

But—

Being a witness to them avoiding the important topic at hand was agonizing—along with the way those two stare at each other when the other isn't looking and how they always take a step back when the other is standing too close.

These are petty cues, but they're so painfully clear.

I can expect this behavior from Eren because he's a gawky teenager and never had much talent with socializing with anyone other than Armin and myself, but Levi is an entirely different case. He's nearly thirty years old. It's sad actually, its like the guy never had voiced his feelings before and doesn't know how to properly show them. It's a natural trait most pick up over the years, but he clearly never got the hang of it.

When we first moved here, you couldn't pry Eren off Levi if you tried. Eren would run around the house proudly stating how much he loved Levi. He always wanted him in his reach so he could drown him in physical affection. Levi acted like this bothered him, but the warm smiles he'd give when he thought no eyes were on him helped me see pass that.

But now... Eren has drifted. They were far from distant from each other, though. They were close, like two-brothers-that-bickered-but-deeply-cared-for-each-other close, but the affection between them had completely vanished—which I shrugged off and got used to, but once I saw it effecting Levi, I knew something was wrong.

I suspected Eren's sudden change might've been due to his anger issues that worsened over the years. He was far from cold, but he's gotten more bitter and his hate for petty matters increased. I figured—since he was going through a personal phase—he didn't have the desire to give Levi the same treatment he did as a kid anymore because of his mood swings.

But—that wasn't quite it. It's more like Eren thinks there's a clear wall between them, and Levi feels he's trapped inside, stuck simmering in his own emotions because he believes he won't be heard through the glass.

The affection between them completely stopped one day and that's the day I notice Levi slowly turn into a little puppy that had been forgotten by its master.

They were inseparable, you can say. They still were—the two seemed to always be near each other and bickering friendly, but compared to how they were a year or two ago back, it was like they were strangers sometimes.

When Eren was a kid, he would sit on top of his lap and they'd read together, or Levi would carry him around for no particular reason and leave kisses on his forehead. This was normal behavior between a parental figure and kid—but Levi, as much as he raised us, was not our parent, so the reason behind those gestures was personal gain, you can say. It wasn't necessary on his part, but he did it anyways because it made him happy.

Thinking back to those memories—it didn't exactly surprise me to see that stop. Eren was a little too big to sit on his lap or be carried around anymore, but for it to suddenly stop completely was the unsettling part about it. To put it simply, I had trouble accepting it.

I know what Levi is thinking. He thinks Eren doesn't like him anymore, or that he did something wrong somewhere along the line, but he's wrong and I'm going to prove him wrong. If these boys know me as well as they think they do, they know I can only keep my lips sealed for so long before I have to speak up and address the obvious issues at hand.

I've had enough of it. I'll force those two cowards to realize their feelings even if that means I have to resort to playing the part of the bad guy who points the elephant out in the room. It's unavoidable when dealing with two idiots like them.

"You really got it bad, Levi."

My sudden words cutting the silence propped his head up from his daze, and he blinked a few times as if replaying my words in his head. He returned his bored stare to his soup, that had now chilled. "Not really. It's just the flu. It'll be gone in a few days."

"I'm not talking about that."

Levi sniffled at me with a wincing expression, like having to think just gave him a headache. "Okay. Then what are you referring to?"

I couldn't look at him. He might be a small, cranky man but the intimation that radiated from him was uncanny. "...You got it bad for Eren."

Tensely, I peeked back to see his reaction. Levi's features twisted in baffled amusement; definitely not a look I expected, but I knew how he felt and I was going to force it out of him and make him look at it.

"Shit. Don't tell me you're testing out the local street drugs. You were always my favorite and you know I want the best for you."

I skipped over his attempt to change the subject. I folded my hands on my lap and kept my gaze focused there. "I was filled in years ago, you know. About Eren's little crush on you, he told me about it."

I couldn't tell if he was insulted or surprised by the sough he uttered. "Okay? He was, what, twelve? Twelve year olds say things like that. What's that have to with me?"

"I noticed how much Eren drifted from you... and I noticed how much you been suffering because of it." I was in deep now—there was no going back. I hated to get involved, really I did, but I can't ignore this anymore.

"...My little Mikasa is on drugs. Such a shame. And to think you were once so innocent and didn't even know how babies were made."

"For christ sake Levi, stop lying to yourself." I raised my voice and darted a harsh glare on him, his eyes bulged and the small curve on his lips slide down. "I—I see the way you look at him."

He swallowed hard, and he flinched as if that upsetted his sore throat. The cocky air around him blew away. He tried to hide that previous expression with a sarcastic one. He was still trying to take the casual approach, I see. Damn, he's more stubborn than Eren.

"Since when are you an 'expert' at reading people? Well, suppose you're not, since you're  _completely_  off course."

"I love Eren so I can spot another person who does too."

He let the blankets roll of his shoulders and regarded me strictly. "Whoa—I'm gonna have to stop you there. I don't _love_ Eren. I care about the brat in a family-type way,  _maybe_ , but I wouldn't go as far as  _love_."

"The fact that you assumed I'm not talking about the same family-love I have with him automatically proves you love him romantically."

He shook his head, looking baffled and insulted at my sharpness. His ire rose. "You're not even fifteen yet, Mikasa. You don't even know what words like  _romantic_  or  _love_  means."

"And you do? Could've fooled me."

"...What happened to the quiet kid you used to be? I miss her. Bring that girl back, please."

"I'm being serious. Let's skip over the denial, you and I are closer than that. He's just a dumb teenager, why are you so afraid of just talking to him?"

"Um, you answered your own question: it's  _because_  he's a dumb teenager. Honestly, I'm nearly thirty and you think I'm into some bratty fifteen year old? Hell, he's not even fifteen yet. Give me a break."

"You know what we call people like you in my culture? A tsundere."

"I don't even  _want_ to know what that means."

"Well if you change your mind, just look at yourself if you want the definition."

Growing angrier by the minute, he balled his fist on the table. I couldn't tell if he was genuinely mad though, since he always acted like he had a stick up his ass. A part of me believed he was playing the part of being pissed just so he had an excuse for his redden cheeks.

"Alright, I'll humor you." He said, and I already knew this was his way of telling me how he truly felt without being direct. "Hypothetically speaking, it would never work even if I did have _'feelings'_  for the brat. For one, I'm twelve years older than him. Just  _thinking_  of dating him is considered a crime."

"Says the same person who still actively robs and pickpockets people. Yeah, you totally follow the law." I rolled my eyes at his pathetic excuse.

"Stifle it," he took a long drink as he gathered more thoughts, or excuses, then slammed the mug down, "and secondly, it would unrequited  _'love'_  since he doesn't even see me that way anymore."

Just the fact that he keeps referring to  _love_  and  _feelings_  sarcastically was a dead giveaway on his part. "If you actually believe that, you're a bigger moron than Eren, and that's saying a lot."

Over the years, we've become as close as family, and just how I saw Eren as a brother, I was starting to see Levi as one too—he was a short, old and cranky brother, but a brother nonetheless. What I'm trying to say is, I'm starting to understand Levi just as well as Eren. They aren't terribly complicated when you just look at them as a whole, and even though Eren is much, much easier to read, Levi is still an open book himself. He may think his pokerface is flawless, but when Eren enters the room, his hidden deck is clearly revealed.

"Just drop it," he said bitterly as he looked in the opposite direction at nothing in particular. "Eren was a stupid kid back then that was desperate for love because he lost his parents. Once he got old enough, he realized how stupid he was for having a crush on some thug twice his age. At least the kid got clever with age."

"Are you kidding me?  _Both_  of you got  _stupider_  with age."

He looked me harshly in the eye. "I'm telling you, the kid made an innocent mistake. He had a little crush on me and he grew out of it. Its not like me and Eren  _aren't_ close, so I don't see the problem you're trying to address here, Mikasa. I could understand if we weren't getting along, but our relationship is suffering in the slightest. In fact, we're way closer than when he was a kid, but he grew out of that affectionate stage. All kids do. Even I did. It's natural."

He's breaking. I just have to drill my words a little deeper.

"No. He's  _still_  that same kid, he's just stupid and angry at everything now and doesn't know how to deal with his emotions anymore. He probably just feels awkward and intimidated by you now that your both older. He knows he can't get away with the same shit he did as a kid. He's afraid to make a move because there's responsibilities and consequences involved now."

Levi rolled his eyes and pursed his lips. After a few minutes, I knew I wasn't getting a reply.

I had to try something risky. Levi will never be open about how he feels if I don't try a new tactic. If I force the truth out him, he'll have no way of taking it back. My heart fluttered at the words about to escape my lips. I dipped my head shamefully. "Levi he's in love with you, he told me recently—this is why I brought this up, just to see where your feelings stood."

He jolted his head up and sharply turned it back my way. His brows lifted higher than I ever saw them ever reach before. " _Really_?"

Damn. That was almost painful to see. I winced. I almost feel sorry for doing that, but I made progress.

"No, actually, he didn't. I'm sorry—"

His shoulders slumped in anger, and he hissed though his teeth.

I rose my voice over his temper. "But you sure didn't reacted like a person who 'doesn't have feelings for some brat'."

Levi slammed his palm down on the table and used that as leverage to stand.

"Funny joke." The blankets raveled down to the floor and he looked down at me with a threatening glare.

That was hurtful, I realize that, but I did it for his own good. I put my attention on my folded hands on the table.

"Levi, I wasn't trying to upset you. I just wanted to prove something—or help you prove something to yourself. Eren is so slow when it comes to reading others emotions and you know how emotional he got since puberty hit him. He's drowning in his own emotions and doesn't have the time to look into others. He's probably just trying to work on himself at the moment, you know?"

I paused to swallow, his harsh gaze on me was unnerving, but I kept my voice strong. I continued, "Just because he's going through his own weird teenager phase doesn't mean he suddenly has zero feelings for you. Trust me, Eren doesn't let go that easy. Once he got his mind set on something there's  _no_  stopping him."

"Oh yeah? Well he stopped pursuing me a while ago." His sentence started off strong, but the intensity diluted and soon he was sinking back into the chair with a heavy sullen expression weighing him down. It was as if he reminded himself of how much he and Eren drifted.

His voice lowered by a few notches, "Mikasa... I honestly couldn't tell you how I feel. I realize what you're trying to do here, but it's a useless effort. It really isn't going to change Eren and it's not going to help me figure out my own opinions on the subject."

"Well if I can't help, maybe Eren could. Why don't you two try to figure it out together?"

"Tch. _You're_  the one who brought it up. Why should I have to finish whatever it is you started?"

"Because it inconveniences me."

"How."

I straightened up and looked him directly in the eyes. "There's a lot of examples I could give, but let's just say it's kind of hard not to lose my appetite when you keep  _eye-fucking_  my brother across the table every time we eat together." I took the heaviest example I could think of and threw it right at his shocked face.

". . . . . ."

That shut him up—but that wasn't actually my goal.

There were many other cues he gave without realizing. Most recently, I went up to the roof to bring up a basket of dirty laundry that needed to be washed. I knew Levi was up there, so I assumed he just went on and started without me—but instead seeing him precisely scrubbing at the clothes like I expected, he was seated soundly with Eren's shirt tucked close to his nose as he whiffed the fabric. Mysteriously, that shirt (which is Eren's favorite) went missing after that and then magically appeared a few days later.

But sure, he doesn't ' _love'_  him at all. Right.

"Where is Eren right now?"

"On the roof...Why do you want to know?" Suspicion caught up with him on the latter half of his sentence.

Pressing my palms against the table, I pulled myself up. "I'm gonna go talk to him."

He hoped up in a flashed and grabbed my shoulders, looking me right in the eye as he pulled me to sit back down with him. "No. Stop. You're reading too much onto this."

"No, I'm reading  _you_. Just let me talk to him, just like I did with you. He doesn't have to know we had this conversation—I'll just ask him how he feels. I'll leave it alone after that."

"Mikasa if you're upfront about it and just ask him, I'll—"

I cut him off before he could warn me of the consequences. "I'm capable of being subtle."

But just as I was about to add in another word of reassurance, I interrupted myself and heard the hard footsteps coming down the stairs. Levi's eyes widened on me and he mouthed the words " _not another word about this._ "

I closed my eyes with a genuine nod.

"Hey," Eren walked in, living a trail of energetic energy behind. Neither of us greeted him back as he strut over to the tap for a drink of water. He leaned against the counter, his glass in hand. After a long drink, he said, "How are you feeling Levi?"

"I'm fin-"

"I think his fever is getting worse." I butted in, and Levi's brows knitted on me.

Eren's head tilted and he pushed himself off the counter. "It shouldn't be. His temperature was a little high but it couldn't have gotten worse in only a half hour."

"The thermometer must be broken. You should just feel his head to see if he's hotter."

"Why do I have to do it? You do it, you're closer to him." Bothered, he shrugged and lifted the glass up to his lips again.

I cornered my eyes on Levi and he gave a questioning lift of his shoulders, looking at me with a face that said: _'what the hell are you doing?'_

"I need a second opinion, Eren. Just feel his head."

Eren stared at him. Levi stared right back without a word, "Levi would kick my ass if I touched him with my sweaty hands."

"The sink is right behind you."

With a temper rising, Eren slammed his glass down on the table. Arms tense, he squeezed the backrest of the chair beside Levi and bent forward. I didn't make a reaction as his voice hit me across the table. "Why the hell are you making this into such a big deal, Mikasa?"

"Why won't you just touch Levi?"

". . . . . ."

Annoyed, he breathed sharply through his nose, but it turned into a chortle. "You guys are freaks, I'm going upstairs."

"Fine, but take Levi with you. He needs his rest."

"I'm not actually tire—"

"He's delirious because he needs sleep." I stated in an urgent tone.

Now Eren and Levi were both giving me dirty looks.

"I think the only delirious one here is you," Eren let out a laugh and paused in front of Levi. "She's right though, you should get some rest."

"...He needs assistance getting up the stairs, you should just carry hi—"

"Quiet," Levi lashed at me and stood, his fist tense as he stood in front of Eren, but his gaze drifted to his feet. "She's just worried. You know how she gets when you come down with something."

"Yeah, I know. You have it easy. So you going to sleep or what?"

"...I'll be there in a second."

Eren shrugged with an 'alright' and left us behind, the room once again falling silent.

Levi flicked a finger on my head, leaving a sting behind. I nursed the ache with a rub.

"So much for being subtle," he whispered, knowing Eren was still in earshot from the balcony.

"Hey, it worked."

"What did?"

"Notice how he wouldn't touch you and kept giving excuses like it was a big deal?"

With an agreeing nod he folded his arms. "Yeah. I did notice that. Now you proved he's  _repulsed_  by me. Thanks a lot."

"No, he was flustered. Levi, he's a hormonal teenager living with the guy he likes. Do you know how nerve-racking that is? He probably thinks he won't be able to hide his feelings or hold himself back if he lays a hand on you."

"That's only a  _guess_ , Mikasa. If it were true, then why is he hiding those feelings at all?"

"He's probably just afraid of rejection, or losing you as a friend."

Levi sat back down. His expression weighing with a heavy question. I was ready for it. He leaned in close to me, keeping his voice low. "Why are you doing this, Mikasa? I mean—All these years I was always under the impression that  _you_  were in love with Eren... so it forces me to believe you don't fully understand what you're trying to accomplish. Even if we did— _not saying we do_ —but  _if_ we did have feeling for each other, that would mean Eren and I would be together. Is that really what you want?"

I clicked my tongue. " _Of course_  I love Eren. I love him more than anything in this world, but that doesn't mean he belongs to me. I just want to see him  _happy_. If he had feelings for me, then I'd gladly accept them, but he doesn't, he has feelings for  _you_  and I can't stand back and let him be unhappy over not getting what he wants," I revealed a smile here, "You know how much I spoil him, I just want him to have anything he desires. But in all seriousness, I wouldn't mind a relationship between the two of you so long as  _he's_  happy."

Levi scrunched his lips to one side, hopefully pondering my words. Everything I said was the truth. The love I have for Eren isn't simple—I couldn't categorize it strictly as family love or romantic love; it was something entirely different. I know I may not ever be able to describe my feelings accurately to Levi for him to understand—but the simplest way to put it is I'm willing to do anything to make Eren happy, even if I  _did_  think he was an idiot for falling for a short old man. If a person like that makes Eren's life just a little bit brighter, though, than I have no room for objections.

Besides, Levi wasn't an  _awful_ choice—I actually trusted him, and when it comes to Eren, I don't trust  _anyone_ near him, but Levi was an exception. Just like myself, he wanted a good life for Eren, and he was as strong as me so I knew he was safe with him. And most importantly, he wasn't afraid to put everything on the line, including his life, just to protect Eren. That wasn't some empty assumption, either. He's done it before and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that he'd do it again if he had to.

Honestly, I couldn't think of a better suitor except for myself, but Eren's heart didn't beat for me, it beat for Levi, I was sure of it.

"I should add something, though." My strict tone grabbed his attention, "If you two ever were to date, I will support the relationship—but God fucking help you if you ever break his heart."

". . . . . ." Levi leaned back at my words floating before him, like they were trying to close in on him and he wanted to escape their range. He tried to collect his composure by giving an anxious chuckle. "You sound like an overprotecting father."

He joked, but I snarled because I was dead serious and I would respect it if he took my warning seriously."This isn't a joke—if you ever hurt him, I'll slice your flesh apart."

"...Good to know." With that warning stinging into his brain, he picked himself up and went upstairs.

**~Mikasa's POV End~**

**~x~**

Trying to fall asleep ended in failure.

I tossed and turned and tried to lull myself to sleep by playing soothing songs in my head as I watched the wax melt down the lit candle on my nightstand, but I couldn't block out the constant echo of Mikasa's words.

The nerve she had. Who does she think she is by putting me on the spot like that? Her and I had our fair share of pointless conversations over the years, but that one took the cake.

Did she  _really_  believe I had  _feelings_ for her brother?

With that thought lingering, I detected Eren's presence behind me when he shifted his weight. I tsked, bothered by having to remember he was near. That stupid brat was the cause of all this. He's why I'm so disoriented and can't sleep—and no, it's not because I'm in ~love~ with him like Mikasa implied.

All I will admit is that I found the kid attractive, that's all, so it was a natural reaction for my dick to perk up when I saw someone who fit my taste.

Back when Erwin and I used to hook up, it didn't matter that there was nothing between us—not at first, anyway. I just thought he was attractive so I fucked him. It was a simple system while it lasted. But with Eren, it's not that easy.

Even if he did still like me, (which I highly doubted) I can't just have a one night stand with him because he  _lives_  with me—we spent  _all_ our nights together and it couldn't end as a one time thing, meaning I would drift into the same affair I had with Erwin, and I didn't want something like that to ever happen again. It actually left me feeling hurt.

At the beginning of that relationship, I didn't care, but toward the end I realized I did actually have some emotional attachment to the guy, and it ended with us going separate ways. It left me promising myself to never get attached to someone like that again.

Erwin and I were still friends, you can say. He came down to the underground after his missions to check up on us and offer us money (which I never took _directly_ ), and we'd go out for drinks and talk, but the intimacy died completely.

Erwin tried to make a move on me a few times (especially after returning from a failed mission) but I always pushed him away. It felt pointless, because I knew Erwin just wanted to fuck and I wanted something more—I know, I couldn't believe it myself, but I am getting up in age, so perhaps I reached a point where I wanted to calm down.

I lived a fast and wild life; a part of me really wanted to live simple and stop involving myself with people that didn't give a shit about me. I got a taste of how it felt to have a normal life because I lived with kids who cared about me. After that, my old life, to a certain degree, wasn't fulfilling enough.

It didn't mean I wanted a relationship or had a desire to 'settle down', I just didn't see the point of it anymore. I was tired—mentally and physically—from that old lifestyle.

Now that I thought about it, sleeping around in general felt pointless. My last time with Erwin was the last time I even had sex. Given the fact I was the type of person who couldn't keep it in my pants for longer than a month without snapping, it was shocking—but I had more important matters to tend to, like raising the kids. I couldn't exactly go out and find anyone to screw around with when I had two needy kids tied to my hips.

Being abstinent didn't actually bother me, though, or I was just too busy to notice that I was bothered. I lost interest in sex once I moved to the underground. Just having the kids around was enough of entertainment, but that changed once Eren got older.

Maybe it was because I was so sex deprived, but I couldn't get these fantasies about Eren out of my head—it was a way of satisfying my sexual frustrations, I guess. It goes without saying that I'm a guilty of being a filthy pervert.

The tiniest things, like him stretching and revealing some of his abs or that husky purr he spoke in after he woke up always sent me running for the bathroom to pleasure myself. It was fucking pathetic. Eren wasn't even that special—he was pretty ordinary and wasn't as built and masculine as Erwin, but something about averageness turned me on even more.

He's not too over the top or overwhelmingly extreme. Yet he was far from boring. For someone like me, who had nothing but ups and downs in life, it was comforting knowing someone who rested somewhere in the middle.

It was the closest thing to contentedness I had for a while. Eren was predictable—even when he was flying off the handle with anger. Being around him felt safe—not like he was protecting me (I was always protecting him)—but because I knew he wouldn't suddenly betray me without warning or use me. It wasn't his style or in his blood.

Knowing that was comforting.

I thought, maybe, I just needed to get laid. With anyone. Just get these sexual frustrations out of my system and maybe things would return to normal. Once I got fucked, I wouldn't see him like that anymore—I thought he turned me on so much just because he was the only attractive male I saw every day—but I wasn't so sure about that when I attempted to  _'get it out of my system'_  one night.

Even though I was drunk and met a decent looking person, I couldn't bring myself to make a move on them. Every time I thought about it, I'd think about Eren and how much I wanted to screw him. I ended up leaving the bar pissed off and horny.

I hated how things turned out.

Everything was simple a few years ago. Sure, there were a lot more problems back then, but all the chaos distracted me so I wouldn't get weird ideas in my head like I do now. Eren  _had_  feelings for me as a child—and contradicting what I told Mikasa earlier, a part of me felt a similar emotions toward him when our bond became stronger.

I can't say when I started feeling this way—I guess it might have been the day I saved Eren after he was kidnapped—the day I had all those awful ideas in my head and how scared I was at the thought of losing him forever. When he was in my arms and safe, I was filled with that warmness; the same kind I had as a kid. And that warmness only increased later when I opened up to him and told him things I never told anyone else.

And he accepted it all. Never judged me, never slipped in his own negative opinion or advice or lectured me about needing to change. He just listened to me and offered me soothing words, and told me that I made the right choices.

No one ever done that before.

After that point, I became much more protective over the kids because they brought me happiness,  _real, pure_  happiness. I never left the house without them, and Eren seemed to always be carried in my arms with Mikasa connected to my hand. I started becoming something disgusting called a family man, I guess. But the kids made me happier than the drugs or drinking or sex or mindless violence ever did.

I once believed I could only achieve an artificial knock-off of that warmness by having meaningless hook ups, but when my heart throbbed against Eren's while he was in my arms that night, and I cried for the first time in about fifteen years, I knew this kid was special, and he had the ability to thaw my heart.

Eren was the first person I ever cried in front of, excluding my parents, and he was also the last. I haven't cried since that night and never had a reason to because life was going smooth. Maybe I felt sentimental toward the brat because of that, because I have learned over the years, despite telling myself otherwise, that I was in fact sentimental.

He was my light during a dark time, and he offered me hope and taught me that I still did have emotions and that I was still human and my heart was capable of feeling warm. He gave me a wonderful gift without even realizing it.

But Eren changed. He didn't tell me he  _like-liked_  me anymore, he didn't lull me to sleep by talking about our future plans anymore. He didn't hold me close as we slept or beg for kisses or hugs anymore.

Eren grew up to realize how gross it was to like a person like me, and a part of me drowned in depression at the mere thought, because how can I be repulsing to someone who made me so happy? It made me feel like I did with Erwin; he was ashamed to be seen with me, because of the person I was. And once Eren was old enough to see the person I really am too, he shut me out.

It's typical, though. I should be used to it by now. No one in their right mind would ever like someone like me, hell, I wouldn't either.

"Geez, you're making the whole bed shake." Eren roared in a groggy voice. I must have woken him up again.

"I can't help it. I'm cold."

"I know—I wasn't saying I was annoyed or anything..." It sure seemed like it, but then again Eren always sounded pissed off when he first woke up—and a sick part of me really liked that assertive tone. This just proves how much of an old pervert I've became.

"I just feel bad. I wish there were more blankets around for you to use."

"I already have yours and my own." If anyone should feel bad, it's me. Eren claims the cold doesn't bother him, but I highly doubted he wasn't effected by it at all, yet he still gave up his blanket for me.

It's shit like _that_  that pisses me off. It puts weird ideas in my head, like he still does have feelings for me, or whatever, but that was just my ego speaking. I didn't want to except that I was really repulsing in his eyes and his acts of kindness was a result of us being friends—or family, I don't really know what to call the relationship between us.

"Since you're up, can you hand me my medicine and those tissues? I think I'll collapse if I stand up right now."

"Sure." Stretching his arm over to the nightstand, he grabbed the box and bottle and plopped them in front of me, then tucked his hand back under his head. Woozily, I sat up, a blanket still wrapped around my shoulders. Feeling a sneeze building up, I raced my hand to pluck a tissue and caught it in time.

"Maybe you should see a doctor."

I didn't even bother measuring the right amount into the cap, I just chugged down the bottle of medicine until I felt quenched. "Maybe you should go back to sleep and leave me alone."

"Can't, you keep shaking the whole bed—how can someone with such a small body produce the same intense magnitude as an earthquake?"

I threw a used tissue at him.

"Real mature. I'll be sure to return the favor when I get sick."

"If you do, you're losing your legs."

"Are you really that desperate to be taller than me?" he snickered and this time I throw the whole tissue box at him with a powerful swing.

"Ow! That hit my friggin'  _eye_!" Eren threw the box at the wall hostility and nursed the apparent wound by cupping his eye. " _Argh.._."

"Serves you right—and stop complaining. It shouldn't be a problem for you since all your injuries always heal freakishly quick."

I couldn't help but notice that when Eren got in brawls around town that ended with him getting cut up and bruised, he's injuries you soon vanish in the matter of hours, sometimes less. No one really questioned it though—I just assumed he had tough skin. It was still creepy, though.

Twitching his aching lid, he snarled at me. "Just because it heals fast doesn't mean it doesn't  _hurt,_  asshole. You're so sensitive—I'm just pointing out the obvious; you  _are_  small."

Oh, he's just asking for it now. I don't think his injuries will heal fast once I get done with him. The brat was lucky I was sick or else I'd lunge at him and kick his ass.

"At least I'm bigger in other ways—you're the one with the  _tiny prick_."

"Excuse me?" Eager for a fight, he propped up with an insulted gaze directed at me. "Just what makes you say that?"

"Don't try to hide it. Even Mikasa thinks it's small."

"You never even seen it! And Mikasa hasn't since we were kids, so shut up!"

Shit. Why did I bring up the topic of his dick? My mind just entered dangerous territory.

"Just drop it."

"You brought it up," he laid his head back down, but still had to have the last word, "And I'll have you know I'm not small, I grew up. I'm big... _down there_."

The confidence in his voice completely shattered, and an interested tone filled mine. I guess it wouldn't be too awkward to keep the conversation going, since he did end the sentence with a question begging to be answered. "...Fine then, how big." I muttered, and suddenly I didn't feel cold anymore.

"Psh," he spit out cockily, "I'm like _titan-size_  big."

"So you don't have a dick anymore? Interesting."

" _No."_ It was too fucking easy to get him riled up. A part of me liked this easily-angered Eren. "I meant if they did—I—Oh forget it, you ruined it. Why are you so interested in my dick anyway, you old pervert."

That kind of stung—so of course me being a mature adult, I had to sting him back. "I'm a pervert? You're the one that used to beg me to touch your dick."

"...Shut up. You're lying." He rolled over and abruptly ended the fun exchange. Anger was apparent in his body language. "I'm going back to bed."

It was if the entire room shifted. What...the hell was that about? I thought I'd get a rewarded with some snappy reply—this wasn't fun at all.

"Lying? Are you serious? It wasn't that long ago, Eren. Are you telling me you actually forgot?"

"Probably, because I have no idea what you're talking about. Just go back to bed."

". . . . . ."

Am I the only one who was lame enough to remember that night? God, I really am pathetic—but something about that pissed me off. How can Eren say all that stuff to me back then, then just forget about it like it never happened? Sure, maybe the dumb kid didn't mean it, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

He tried to pretend he was asleep, but I knew he wasn't and spoke to his back, "Maybe this will refresh your memory—it was a few days before Christmas, and you were questioning me about puberty. You wondered if it was normal for a boy to like another boy. I told you yes, and you told me about these urges you had since you started to have a crush on me, or... something like that... The memory is fuzzy for me too." It wasn't, actually, I remembered it perfectly, every word, because the impact on Eren's words had my heart beating faster than it ever did before. Of course someone couldn't forget that—except for Eren.

I actually made more sense back then—I remember telling myself that he didn't know what a crush even meant, that it was just a phase—but for some reason I trusted Eren's words more than my own, since I had a hard time believing myself back then and he sounded more genuine, but it turns out I was right in the end.

I breathed heavy and tossed my head side to side in disappointment. Maybe Mikasa's words inspired me earlier to give it a shot, finally, I don't know, but I guess I just wanted to throw that memory out there, just to see his reaction.

This will be my only attempt at seeing where his feelings stood—she wanted me to talk to him, but I can't be that direct. If he insist that it wasn't significant to remember, or if he refuses to admit those feelings were genuine at the time, then I will drop it and I'll never touch this topic again.

"Stop teasing me. It's not funny."

My lips fell into a downward curve. I fiddled with my fingers in my lap. "I'm not. I was just wondering where that kid went." I see now. He probably  _did_  remember, but felt embarrassed by his past self. It's understandable—I would feel ashamed when I grew into up too if I had a crush on a person like me as a kid.

Silence invaded the room and I bit my lip. I feel so fucking stupid. This always happens; I end up not saying enough or I say too much. This is why I regret every every word that ever escaped my mouth. I flopped my head back down on the pillow, covered myself and closed my eyes as I tried to block out aftertaste of the words I spoke.

"I'm...still here _..._ "

". . . ?"

"I never went anywhere. I-I'm still that kid." His trembling tone sounded higher, like when he was a kid and was laced in moister; sorrow building up in his throat.

I almost expected to see a twelve year old Eren when I hesitantly tossed over to see his glossy eyes on me; that contrastive color burning through the darkness. They looked the same as they did that night when he was sat on top of me, feeling how fast my chest was beating.

I didn't know what to say—I couldn't really be sure what he meant by that vague phrasing. If I spoke, I'd say something I regret again, so I let my mind race again and thought about all the things I wanted to say.

When he received no reply, he shifted to his back and stared up at the ceiling with a thoughtful expression. I anxiously waited as he licked his lips and gathered his thoughts. "You know, I don't remember  _every_  detail from back then—somewhere along the line my memories started getting choppy." Out of nervous habit, he played with the string holding the key rested on his bare chest, "But I do remember how I felt...and I also remember what I used to do when you were cold."

My brows sunk in question but soon elevated, for his sudden movement toward me had me shrinking back.

"Just stay still, would ya'?" he said gruffly as he trampled on his knees. I gulped and only complied because if I scooted back anymore, I'd throw myself off the edge of the bed.

I was shaking—and I tried to lie to myself and say it was because I'm cold, but it was different this time. My nerves rattled as he lifted the blankets defending me, letting in a cool breeze that made me shudder as he inched in between the mattress and blankets. He tucked his arm under mine and reeled himself in close by holding onto my back until his body was firmly against mine.

Numbness filling me, I tensed up and held my breath, which didn't help with the sudden light-headedness.

Licking his fingers, (an unforeseen gesture that put  _all kinds_  of ideas in my filthy head), he reached over and extinguished the candle behind me with a pinch of the wick. He then returned his hand back against the blade of my back.

". . . . . ."

Why is he doing this? That's all I kept repeating in my head. This was probably just some weird fever dream—I was having some whacked out dreams earlier; that was probably it—but when I felt his hot breath glaze against my bangs, I knew it felt too real to be my imagination.

This is the first time Eren has held me like this in almost two years.

My eyes hooded and I stopped shivering in his arms completely. He's so incredibly warm. A few minutes passed, and I actually felt  _sweltering_ , but I wouldn't tell him that. He might just move away if I did.

"Thanks, Eren."

"I-It's not like you have to  _thank me_."

Up until now, my arm was rested uncomfortably along my side, since I didn't know where else to put it, but I decided to tuck my relaxed fist against his bare chest—and then, tentatively, I allowed the webs of my fingers to spread apart wide over his chest. The beat underneath quickened, but each beat pumped so strong and solid.

I focused on my own breath, keeping it even. If I were to let my mind linger now, my thoughts may just embody and clearly show through my face. I could tell the simple task of breathing wasn't going as well for Eren, though. Long inhales were taken in through his nose, and blew out choppily through his teeth.

On top of the kid being a moron that didn't even know how to take care of himself, he now forgot how to breathe properly. Great.

I tried to tease to loosen my nerves, but really, I think Eren and I both felt the same way right now.

It's been a long time since we've been  _together_ like this, so there was, of course, some awkwardness and stiffness involved, but overall it felt right and almost comforting. We just sort of belonged, like two pieces of a puzzle that lost each other, but finally clicked back into place and showed the bigger picture like the empty gap was never there to begin with.

It was as if all the anxiety that built up from wondering how Eren felt about me—if he even had feelings for me anymore, or if he hated me or found me disgusting—all became a long lost memory, because by scooting close and not saying much, he gave me my answer. Eren was still that kid, like he announced. He's just trapped in a bigger body, is all.

"Eren."

"Hm?"

There was this irritating tic in my head that kept moving my lips. I felt like I had to keep talking, even though I knew he probably just wanted to go to bed, but I ended up talking a lot when I'm anxious—it was a stupid habit. I realized now that I called his name, but had  _nothing_  to say. Quickly, I rifled through my head for an appropriate topic, but it did seem rather random.

"What do you want for your birthday?"

"It's not even Mikasa's birthday yet, shouldn't you be asking her?"

"She already told me she wants a new sewing kit. You're harder to shop for, so I figured I should give myself a head start."

He shrugged against me, then readjusted his hold on me and I welcomed the embrace fully by pressing my face into his peck. His muscles seem to be loosening up now. He was so stiff when he first came over here.

"I can't really think of anything. I just want to spend time with you and Mikasa, and I want your homemade cake, of course."

"Are you sure?" I was about to say something weird—but since Eren went as far as holding me like this, it didn't seem _totally_  inappropriate. This was all a shock to me, but I'm pretty sure Eren just indirectly told me he still felt the way he did as a child.

"I—could have  _sworn_ you wanted something else for your fifteenth birthday."

Maybe I jumped the gun by saying he loosened up, because his muscles tensed around me. "U-Um I don't remember asking for anything in particular..."

Does he really think that tremble in his voice could fool me?

"We should probably just go to bed—honestly, I don't want anything—"

"I'll do it, Eren."

The top of my head felt an accumulation travel down his throat; he had swallowed hard. "You—You'll do what?"

"It's okay if you don't want to ask upfront. I don't want to either. So, if you  _want to_ , just give me a nod."

"Now wait a second, I can't just settle on  _that_  with a  _nod_!"

"So you do remember." I said absently to myself, I really wasn't sure for a second. I was, of course, referring back to the same night Eren revealed his feelings for me. Toward the end of our conversation when I rejected him due to his age, he asked me how old he had to be for us to get together—I said fifteen, which was a dangerously young age, but screwing a teenager wasn't as sinful as touching a child.

We still had to get through Mikasa's birthday, which was only a few days from now. There was still a wait before we got to Eren's—we still have the rest of February and March, since his birthday landed on the second to last day of the month.

"We were talking about a lot of things at once back then. I'm not sure what your suggesting, exactly."

He had a point, and the jumpiness in his voice told me he didn't want to bring up the wrong thing. Our conversation back then was completely cluttered. We mentioned screwing around on his birthday, but Eren was leaning toward  _dating,_ I think—I recalled him saying something like he wanted me to give him a chance.

Now, I couldn't agree on long-term conditions like a relationship over a simple birthday gift—but I wasn't completely against having some mature fun together with no strings attached. It goes against what I said earlier—if we were to do it, it might turn into another affair similar to the one I had with Erwin. But Eren's easier manipulated. If I told him it's only a one time thing, he'd probably respect my wish.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't  _itching_  to have sex with him for my own selfish reasons and sick kinks, but if the kid did still have feelings like he implied, then I think him losing his virginity to a guy he liked isn't aterrible idea.

"Wait—are you saying we can go on a...d-date?"

". . . . . ." Something tells me date isn't keyword for  _'I want a blowjob'._  Damnit. I scratched irritatedly at my scalp and Eren picked up on this.

"O-Or not—we can do whatever you're comfortable with."

"No, no, it's your birthday, it should be up to you." How can a horny teenage boy pick a date over wild sex? There's indeed something wrong with him. How can an idiot like him take the complicated route instead of something simple and meaningless?

I'm practically saying I'll hand myself over and he can do anything he wants with me for his birthday and he picks a fucking date. I didn't even have the energy to tell him  _how badly_ he just screwed up.

"It doesn't have to be complicated or corny or anything..." he mumbled, "I just want to spend time with you, I guess..."

"I already said it's fine. Where do you want to go?"

"I want you to decide that. Surprise me."

"...Huh."

"You heard me."

So not only am I not getting sex and had to spend the day with Eren like I  _already do_  everyday, but I had to find a place to have this date? How did a kid like this get my emotions so unordered and fluttery to begin with? Ew. It's downright shameful.

"I guess I'll think of something."

He placed his smile on my forehead, and his lips widen enough to shift my hair. "Make sure you pick a nice place."

"Fuck off. Just for that I'm bring you to a toxic waste site and you're going to like it 'cause I said so."

"As if you'd step foot in a place like that."

"I'll just drop you off there. Happy fucking birthday."

"That's not how a date works?" A chuckle was laced in his tone and I was close to pushing him away and telling him to go fuck himself, literally, since  _apparently_  he's so above getting laid. But shit—it felt nice laying here with him like this. I'll settle for being pissy in his arms.

"It's like you don't even know what a date is—don't tell me you never been on one before."

"I've been on  _plenty_  of dates."

I've  _never_  been on a date.

I had no idea what the fuck a person is suppose to do on one, either.

The only idea popping up in my head was going out and getting shitfaced—but something told me that wasn't the ideal date he was expecting.

Well shit, I'm out of ideas.

I wasn't freezing anymore, so my shaking subsided completely. Also, my medicine was kicking in so I wasn't feeling awful enough to keep me from sleeping anymore—but I still laid awake with Eren in a deep slumber beside me as I pondered where the hell I was supposed to bring this brat on a fucking date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it obvious that I can't wait any longer to write Ereri? ._. I know I'm kind of rushing into it, but man, these two need to get together already. Mikasa's POV was secretly me telling them to get their shit together. Hahaha
> 
> Speaking of which, Mikasa has grown up to be a match maker, as you can tell. I really hate Ereri fics where Mikasa tries to come between their relationship because of her protectiveness over Eren, so I wanted to switch it up. I think she's happy so long as her brother is happy, to be honest. With Levi and Eren being so stubborn, having a third person involved to move the relationship along was kind of necessary if didn't want to drag this out forever, so, I hope that's okay.
> 
> The next chapter will start in Eren's point of view, so if you're confused on why he became distant and whatnot, his feelings will be explained better then. :)


	18. Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has been very forgetful lately, thanks to a certain short someone. Not only is Levi nagging him into doing chores and errands, but he's also consuming Eren's every thought, making even simple tasks quite the challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find Eren's POV challenging to write since I'm so used to Levi's. My normal style is probably off (if I even have one?) and it's also hard to write for Levi through Eren's eyes. And to top it all off, I have a horrible case of writers block so fuck me right? :D...:/
> 
> On a brighter note, there's domestic cuteness in this chapter and scenes of Levi being a total dorky loser. One last thing! Someone on Tumblr told me that Ereri's current relationship here reminds them of the song February Air by Lights and IT REALLY DOES SUIT THEM so I thought I'd share that. :3

**~Eren's POV~**

The the smell of chemicals filtered through my nose, waking me from slumber. I was well acquainted with this scent greeting me in the morning, though. My lids peeled open and blinked over a film of blur. Soon my eyes burnt and watered, a result of the harsh ammonia drifting in the air, but I was used to that too.

Honestly—I hadn't a clue where the guy stored so much energy in that petite body of his. Even though Levi has been sick for days, he still went through with his daily routine and cleaned the house top to bottom. I tried to tell him that his sickness will be prolonged if he kept over-exerting himself, but he somehow managed to turn that into  _my fault_  by saying he wouldn't have to do it if I wasn't such a messy pig.

Being sprawled out on the other side of the bed felt foreign and off, but just like the past few mornings I remembered why I was here. Tucking my arms under the pillow, I smiled into the fabric that still held the scent of Levi's hair. My pulse quicken as a trail of heat ran from cheek to cheek.

For the past few nights, Levi and I have been holding each other as we slept.

After the first time it happened, I was timid about approaching him about it again. I really, really wanted to—but apart of me thought it might've been a one time thing; that he was just delirious from his fever. But every time Levi noticed I wasn't budging first, he'd give a firm,  _'Eren, I'm cold.'_

The indirect request wasn't sweet and inviting—more like dull and demanding—but those words hooked and reeled me in close to him without further hesitation. I guess you can say we were subtle people that didn't like to be straightforward—unless we were bickering. Then Levi had no trouble telling me  _exactly_  how he felt about me in those situations.

Annoyed that he was no longer tangled in my arms, I groaned, but it soon turned into a teary-eyed yawn. It was like this every morning, since Levi always woke up hours before me.

These past few days, my heart would twinge upon wakening, fearing that my new sleeping arrangements with Levi was just a  _really vivid_ dream. But the truth is, no matter how hard it is for me to believe, Levi felt  _something_  for me. I didn't know  _what_ exactly, but it's a start and that's the only part that mattered to me. Now that I have one foot on the ground, I can take baby-steps forward and someday Levi and I will walk at the same pace, on the same path. But right now—we were still not quite up to speed with each other, seemingly miles apart.

During the day, Levi acted more or less the same. And so did I, since I was just going with the typical flow. But when night came, it was as if our world shifted and I was that little kid again holding onto him desperately in my sleep.

I couldn't wrap my head around it, and ' _why'_  followed by a gigantic question mark kept popping into my thoughts, but at the same time I didn't want to ponder it. This new—yet old—tradition between us has been established again after a long hiatus, and I didn't want to open my big trap and ruin a good thing with dumb questions. Because  _Levi being Levi_  would just call me out for asking said dumb questions, as usual, and might end the custom out of spite, or punishment for my stupidity. Yep, that sounded like typical Levi: the man I not-so-gracefully fell for.

The abrupt feelings I formed for him as a child never altered.

Actually—no. That's a lie.

What I felt for him became more intense as time went on, so much so that I found it hard to be myself around the guy. He's softened quite a bit over the years, which helped me feel comfortable enough to joke and stand my ground around him—but he was still  _Levi_ ; a very intimidating man that took no shit from anyone. You can't exactly passionately express yourself in front of someone like that.

When I was younger, it was so easy to glue myself to Levi and tell him I loved him, because love was still a new word to me and I liked the way the word tingled my lips.

But as I got older, I learned that the definition of that word held a very special meaning. 'Love' wasn't something to be thoughtlessly thrown around. Love could mean so many things, yet be so simple at the same time. I loved Levi for taking care Mikasa and myself like a parent, but I think I also loved him in the same way my mother loved my father.

In the end, it was too complicated for me to figure out, so I banished the word from my vocabulary.

Showing affection like I did as a child couldn't be categorized as simple appreciation anymore. Actions like that would be displayed as something else, something deeper that I was not ready to show due to the awkward insecurity that came with age.

Even though I did want him to see that love I had for him—I couldn't bring myself to unveil it. I was  _so_  afraid he'd tell me I'm a stupid brat that didn't understand my emotions when I poured them out to him. Just the thought of that left me heartbroken, and since I was  _so sure_  that would be the outcome, I became more bitter every time I thought of it.

I didn't want to ruin what we had by renewing my confession. I liked the bond we shared. There was special category just for us that couldn't be compared to anything. We weren't exactly family or friends, and we were far from lovers, despite my feelings craving otherwise. It was a special bond no one else could break, like I had my own personal world with him that no one would destroy or overrun, like the real world. But recently...that world of ours expanded.

The growth is slow, but it's a start.

I convinced myself otherwise over the years, but even now after I grew up, Levi  _didn't mind_  having my arms around him. He didn't detest and scowl at the idea of a  _date_  with me like he did when I was younger. He actually  _agreed_  to it.

He didn't directly voice his feelings, but he didn't voice any objections either. That's good enough for me. Levi is the type of person who will complain endlessly when anything isn't up to his standards, or if something is simply a bother to him—but not a single mutter of protest was heard from him. In his language, that translated to him giving his full approval.

Due to his vague nature, he's still leaving me in the dark; there's so many questions and uncertainties picking at my brain. But one thing is certain: Levi, to a certain degree, is returning my feelings.

I was about to drift off again with that endearing thought in mind, but a beautiful sound kissed my eardrum and stirred me back to alertness.

I laid there, hands slipped behind my head as still as possible. I even halted my breathing so I could hear the low pitch clearer. This was a rare occurrence—but a lovely one at that. Not often did I get to hear Levi sing.

Sometimes when he would clean, he'd absentmindedly start to hum softly, but as soon as he snapped back into reality and realize me or Mikasa were in the room, he'd grumble under his breath to release his embarrassment.

He really had nothing to be ashamed of, though. I think he sounds very beautiful when he sings. Brash and dull were perfect adjectives to describe his normal speaking voice, but when he sings his words become so gentle. The soothing notes he'd carry would give me goosebumps head to toe.

During our time together Levi had taught me some songs, and so I listened closer to see if I recognize the lyrics—but then I realized I didn't even recognized the language.

I recalled Levi telling me he'd picked up some phrases from the French and Hebrew language from his parents, but the way his pronunciations were so perfect and clear right now, something told me he must have been pretty fluent in whatever language he was singing in.

The notes floating up from the bottom floor relaxed me, but filled me with melancholy at the same time. It wasn't because it came off as a sad song, (it came off as pretty up-beat, actually) it's just so rare to hear other languages now. Everyone spoke the same. As history evolved in the walls, history outside of them died; taking all other dialects, pure-ethnicities and heritages with it.

According to one of Armin's books, there were once dozens of different languages and each part of the world held different races, cultures and traditions. All of that was lost now.

Well, maybe not all was lost. There were still people around like Levi and Mikasa that were half-pure-blooded. Mikasa kept her bloodline alive by practicing the embroidery stitch that her mother taught her. She told me she's going to keep her mothers promise and pass it down to her children someday. And even Levi still remembers dead languages that no one else will ever understand.

It must be lonely knowing they are the last of their people, but there was also something very beautiful about them keeping precious traditions alive.

With a stretch, I yawned a final time and left the warm bed behind, only motivated by the hope of seeing Levi in his natural habitat when he thought no eyes were on him.

I crept over to the banister that would grant me a view of the bottom floor, and my eyes immediately hooded in mirth at the scene gifted to me. Craning over, I folded my arms on the rail slyly with a smirk to match.

"Well  _someone's_ feelings better~" My teasing was directed at Levi, who was still trapped in lone concert of one, singing and swaying his hips as he swept. The way he jolted up with pain on his face at the sound of my voice, though, you would of thought I was a sniper and landed a direct shot on him.

The brooms handle swished up in my direction. " _Oi,_  stop being disrespectful to your elders."

Aw, he's embarrassed. I can see his red cheeks from here. He always plays the _'elders card'_ every time he's shy—it's an adorable quirk.

"I'm not! I'm just saying it's nice to see you steady on your feet again. _And singing. And dancing_..."

If looks could kill, I'd be a dead man right now.

"Get down here and help me, you useless sloth."

My body, seemingly losing all energy suddenly, withered over the railing. With my head trapped in my arms, I mumbled, "Ugh. I  _just_ woke up. I'll do my chores later in the afternoon."

"It's past noon, Eren. Any later it'll be evening."

Did I really sleep that long? And to think I used to be an early bird as a kid and Levi was the one that slept the day away. Time sure does change people.

As soon as I cleared the stairs, Levi was standing there, mop in hand. I made a sour face at it. I hate cleaning, especially when I first woke up. I was hungry too, but I'm pretty sure Levi would make another quip about me lazy and say I didn't earn an appetite yet.

"You do a much better job at cleaning—plus you looked like you were having fun before, wouldn't want to ruin that for you."

The rod of the mop landed a direct hit right into my lower intestines. I curled forward with an agonizing " _umph_ ".

"Finish the goddamn chores, Yeager."

That was my cue to stop teasing. When Levi reached the point of irritation to use my last name, I pushed the wrong button on him. Using the mop's handle as an aid, I straightened my aching posture and got to work.

There was a lot of groaning and whining from me, and Levi did the same but in a more assertive pitch. He folded his arms and tapped his foot as he watched every unskillful move I made with the mop. Those judgmental eyes will never become satisfied, not while I'm cleaning, anyway.

"Do you purposely do a shitty job so I don't ask you anymore?"

"Well my bodies not functioning right because I'm hungry!"

"You're always fucking hungry."

"I'm a growing kid."

"Hmph. Funny how you use the  _'kid card'_  when you want to get out of doing something."

I must have done a good deed in life because Levi ripped the mop from my hand and pushed me in the direction of the kitchen. I stumbled into a stride toward the place that's been calling my name since I arrived back to reality.

"Hurry up and eat something. Once I finish the floor, I need you to come out shopping with me."

I crooked my neck back with squinting doubt, but my gurgling stomach powered my legs forward. "The last time you brought me on errands, you told me I'm useless and annoying. Oh, and you kept commenting on how better it is to shop with Mikasa the whole time."

"And you're _completely_  right about all that—but I wanna get stuff for her birthday, and it would ruin the ' _surprise'_  if she were with me," he sarcastically rose a brow at me, his chin dipped; he knew I understood his view on celebrating in general. He just didn't see a point in it, but for the sake of Mikasa and myself he would make a poor attempt every year. "Anyway,  _you_ still need to get her something so you might as well tag along."

"...Shit." My head (and body) has been so wrapped up around Levi and the impending date between us that I forgot to even  _ask her_  what she wanted this year. "Damnit. I'm gonna end up getting her something stupid if I don't ask her what she wants. Where is she?"

"She's working—you know, being a responsible member of the household, unlike a certain someone who does nothing but sleep, eat and shit all day," he recited the same old daily quote.

Leaving a dirty look behind, I turned back to making myself something to eat. He loved rubbing that in my face any chance he got. In my defense, I tried working a few times in the past year, but let's just say having anger-management issues and dealing with finicky customers didn't come hand in hand. All I manage to achieve during my time of employment were making enemies and getting banned from every place I ever tried to work.

"I'll just ask her what she wants tomorrow and pick it up sometime this week."

"You realize her birthday  _is_ tomorrow, right?"

". . . . . ."

I turned back in time to see Levi pause his movements so he could dramatically twined his hips toward me, his eyes bleak as he tsked. "Disgusting. You forgot your own sister's birthday. After all she's done for you."

"Shut up! I didn't—it just snuck up on me!"

On busy nights, Mikasa works pretty late—so by the time I can ask her, all stores would probably be closed. Everything in the underground shuts down pretty early unless it's one of the many bars, nightclubs or restaurants; like where she works. Those aren't ideal places to get her a gift—too bad Mikasa doesn't drink booze, then it would be no problem.

"Man, what am I going to do?" I searched for possible ideas, my weight held up by my hands on the counter.

This is why it's a  _dream_  to shop for Levi; he's a difficult man, but easy to figure out when it comes to simple pleasures. For his birthday-slash-Christmas presents every year, I get him cleaning supplies, a new book and some coffee. Same shit every year but it still puts a rare tiny smile on his face.

But Mikasa—she's a little too simple. And not quirky-kind-of-simple like Levi. There's very few things she likes, most of which aren't material items.

I probably wouldn't have time to get anything tomorrow. Besides, if I ask her, on her birthday, then run out of the house and come back with a gift, it would be pretty obvious that I forgot her birthday. I rubbed my face in frustration.

When my hands dragged off my face, Levi had teleported beside me, balancing the rod of the mop against the counter as he leaned up beside it, arms folded. "Don't get stressed. You can literally get her rat shit with a bow on it and she would be thrilled so long as it came from  _you_."

"Heh, you're onto something there. Well—maybe I'll spot something she would like while I'm out."

After a big breakfast—or lunch, whatever, Levi nagged me into cleaning the dishes I dirtied and that was enough of activity to make me want to go down for a nap, but I unfortunately had to accompany Levi to the busy city square.

Something I hated more than cleaning was shopping—but Levi had a well organized list so the stops were brief—that is, until we got lost in a department store and Levi and I somehow managed to split separate ways.

It worked out, though. I wanted to browse around for something Mikasa would like. I went down the aisle filled with middle-aged woman stocking up on make-up and hair products. Even if these big bimbos weren't in my way, I doubted I'd find anything for Mikasa; she never wore make-up, didn't use any special products on her hair, and she didn't wear perfume. I left that section empty handed and not as hopeful as when I first entered.

Wandering around a little more, I considered other stuff that would be a suitable gift, but shot them all down with a distasteful grumble.

The scarf I gave her is getting pretty old. I half-considered getting her a new one, but she seems so attached to that red tattered thing. I was about to throw my hands up in surrender, but an urgent cry in the distance told me I was needed for backup.

"Eren! Come quick!"

"... _Shit._ " I growled under my breath and I bolted down the aisle. What could have happened to cause him to yell like that? Levi didn't raise his voice unless he had an important reason for it.

Damnit. Don't tell me he got caught stealing—it wouldn't be the first time he got dragged out of a store for that.

"Where are you?" I called.

"Over here."

The sudden calm voice pointed me to the correct route, and I turned down an aisle marked as household items.

A bead of sweat rolled down my cheek. I balled my fist tight, swallowing hard as I looked up at the sign hanging above me.

This isn't good. Not good at all.

Levi found the cleaning aisle.

As soon as I became visible to Levi, he pointed to me swiftly, his posture erect and stringent. "Go get me the biggest basket you can find—wait—make that two."

My speedy gait shifted into a slow crawl toward him. I took one look at the shelves and winced painfully. "Come on Levi, we have enough of this crap at home."

"What are you, blind?" He flicked one of the many bright tags hanging around. "Look, there's  _a sale._ "

"Why does a criminal like you care about a sale?"

My retort landed on deaf ears. He picked up an item, holding it out in front of me.

"Look at this brush—you fill any product you want into the hollow handle and with a press of a button," he demonstrated, "it squirts out." Right on my damn shirt.

I patted the wet spot with my hand and avoided eye contact with Levi, because he might just think I'm interested in this stuff if I did. I held back from expressing my boredom vocally by tightening my jaw, but that just left room for him to speak more.

"What a fascinating invention. Now I don't have to lug around a spray bottle as I scrub the floor. This will save me a lot of time. Isn't this fantastic?"

I scrubbed my forehead, only nodding because I heard a rising intonation at the end of his ramblings, not because I really paid attention. "Yeah, sure. What a time to be alive."

I really could care less about this. I know he's a cleanly person—G _od did I know that_ —but how can he get excited over this crap? I couldn't help but hope I didn't turn into a clean freak when I got older—what is it with old people and cleanliness?!

With that thought, my shoulders bowed; a sudden interest peaked me. Something just occurred to me—Levi, the same man with an unbreakable line of a mouth, was actually  _excited;_ his eyes glistening like I never saw before with the slightest curl to his lips. If I'm not mistaken, I could swear that his cheeks weren't as pale as they usually are...

That's...  _adorable._

I need to go shopping with him more often—sure, shopping royally sucks but I'd get to see Levi enjoying himself and looking this passionate, even if it is over sponges and soap.

I almost felt jealous that Mikasa must have seen this side of him before—and perhaps I was also a little jealous that he'd give that expression to inanimate household supplies.

What would it take for him to look at me the way he looks at disinfectant?

...So its come to this: cleaning products are my rivals. I reached the lowest of the low.

"It's like magic," he tested out his new toy by cleaning off the whole top shelf. I'm sure the employees here will be grateful for that—and I was grateful for the sight of him on his tippy-toes.

It's a crime that Levi is a cranky old man trapped in such an adorable little body with a baby-face to match. Sometimes I just wanted to pick him up and squeeze him—but out of natural reflex on his part, I'd definitely get my nose broken. He might look tiny, but fuck did he pack a punch. He never violently hit me out of anger, but sometimes a playful nudge would knock me off my feet.

"This is incredible."

Even when I came back from my wishful thinking of carrying him around like a princess, he's  _still_  talking about this magical-cleaning-sponge-thing—well, as long as he's happy, I suppose it's not too bad. Besides, I can always tune out his ramblings and enjoy the view of how cute he looks when he's excited. Dorky glee overran my features...until a sharp statement popped me from my beaming bubble.

"I need ten of these."

I bounced up from his sudden assertion. "T-Ten? Why ten? One is enough!"

"Didn't I tell you to get something to carry this stuff in?" His voice rose sharply, his former, adorable expression seemed like a hallucination now. It probably was. That's what you get for being around so many chemicals.

I buttoned my lips. Arguing with him would end in failure because in truth, Levi is actually a spoiled princess that always got his way. "Right—you wanted two baskets, right?"

He pat his chin with a slender finger as he squinted at the shelves. "Better make it three."

I sighed, turned around and dragged my feet reluctantly down the aisle.

"Pick up the pace, Eren."

I muttered refusal but my legs motioned into a jog on their own. Something about his demanding tone just made me follow his orders subconsciously.

It's not like anyone else is lining up for the stupid sale. Only he would take advantage of something like this. As I left a very enthusiastic Levi behind, I had a feeling that nothing would be left on the shelves when we left.

And I was pretty damn close to right.

We left the shop with our arms filled with unnecessary crap. I thought we were shopping for Mikasa's birthday? So far, most of the stuff we picked up was for  _him_.

Yeah, he's  _definitely_  a spoiled princess.

Levi halted in his stride and pushed his bags onto me, adding more to the overwhelming quantity. I shuffled just to keep them from falling to the ground. When my struggle ended and I got a steady hold on them, I felt a weight press against me.

"What that—?"

Levi pushed me back with force, and my knees buckled with strained features. Just as I thought Levi was an  _absolute_   _asshole_ and I was about to  _fall,_  my ass landed on a wooden surface and blocked my fall.

Oh.

There are better ways of telling someone to sit down, but then again, this is Levi; actions were stronger than words in his book.

"Sit on this bench and  _don't move_." He flicked a pointed finger on me like a misbehaving dog. "I have to go in the store you were banned from, so just stay put and watch our stuff."

"Yeah whatever." I loosened my grip on everything and set the bags beside me, taking up the rest of the seat. I expanded my arms over the back of the bench, just a way of marking this as my space further.

"Eren, I'm not kidding. Don't start anything today. I'm not in the mood."

"I heard you the first time!" My tempter rose with my voice, and Levi fussily turned away with that trademark "tch" and bitchy sway to his hips. This is typical protocol. When Levi had to leave me alone when we'd go out, he'd scold me before I even did anything wrong. I had quite the reputation for getting into trouble around here, so it wasn't a wrong move on his part.

I whined in my throat, disappointed that his ass left my field of view. I moved my gaze somewhere less appealing. I didn't feel like people-watching because I'd likely go against Levi's promise if I did. I folded my fingers and used them as a head rest as I looked up at the rocky ceiling above.

_I wonder what's going on between us._

I could have sworn Levi indirectly accepted the confession I gave as a kid—but like I reflected on earlier, he doesn't act much different.

Wait. Was I expecting him to change?

No—I started liking him for who he is, so that wasn't right. I'm not sure what I was expecting—maybe some further clarification would be nice. I'll admit I'm a moron and it would ease my worry if he told me straight up how he felt. But maybe it was obvious and I just wasn't seeing it. That's something that happens often with me.

These pass few nights, before I was brisked away into the most comfortable and peaceful sleep I had in years with Levi in my arms, I would reflect back on what he said about actually going out on a date with me. I had to keep drilling that into my head, because it seemed too unreal to be true.

I wondered how Levi seen that. In my perspective, I could easily say it's the best news I heard in my young life.

But...Levi could have seen it differently. Maybe it wasn't a big deal to him, like it was for me. A date could be considered a lot of things—even what were doing now could be considered one, since were spending time together.

I couldn't help but think of the possible places he might bring me, and the follow up question was: I wonder if he's trying to come up with places too? Or maybe he doesn't care and won't put any thought into it. Or maybe he's losing his mind deciding on a place we could go.

Maybe it was too pressuring to leave that up to him, but I sort of panicked when I couldn't think of a place on the spot and threw the responsibilities onto him. I said I wanted it to be a surprise, but the truth is, I hate surprises. Especially when it involves Levi. I wish I knew in advance where we were going, that way I could prepare and try to envision it so I didn't fuck up too much when the day finally came.

"Hmm..."

If Levi seen the date for what it was:  _a date_ , and actually took on a romantic approach, I don't know what I'd do. Die, probably.

But then again, this is  _Levi_. I don't think the guy has a romantic bone in his body—not that I ever cared about that. It was his genuine kindness, quirks and looks that drew me to him in the first place. I never expected sappy romance with him. I just want our same relationship together—but with some  _added perks_  put into the mix.

Suddenly my face heated up. My hands covered my scorching skin.

I just reminded myself of something.

Why didn't I remember it the other night?

Damnit, I think I screwed up.

The memory of myself being twelve, lying in bed with Levi entered my mind. I remember telling the guy I desperately wanted him to give me a chance. And once he gave a solid 'no' due to me being a kid, he said fifteen was a passable age—now, all that I recalled the other night, but there was more to it.

I distinctly remember Levi telling me he'd...  _fool around_  with me once I reached that age.

My face burned even more. I'm pretty sure I was sweating too, even though the temperature contradicted how I felt. My leg started spasming nervously as I covered my mouth.

I felt so frustrated at the time, because fifteen felt so far away and I just wanted Levi to be mine. That enthusiastic confidence died as I aged, but I remember boldly stating that I'd like it if Levi touched me on my birthday.

A date with Levi is wonderful on its own, but I can't help but to feel I missed a good opportunity here. On one hand, a date with Levi could lead to something more serious, but screwing around with Levi might get our feelings across better, since him and I are less about voicing our feelings and more about putting them to action.

I weighed the choices between my hands, and couldn't decide.

Would it be greedy to ask for both?

I swallowed hard as I caught a glimpse of Levi exiting out of the shop, a few bags in hand.

I'm definitely going to ask him for both.

Bags in tow, I managed to grasp them heedlessly in one hand and ran up beside him.

"Hey... So did you get everything you need?"

He acknowledged me briefly then returned his gaze straight on. "Yeah. I got all the ingredients for her cake. I think that's everything on my list now."

"Good, good." This was stalling. I didn't care about cake right now at all. I only had one thing on my mind. I was so hesitant to speak, but I wanted to at least see his reaction. My body switched directions, my legs striding backward so I could face him properly. "Levi...About our plans for my birthday—"

"What about it."

The confidence I built up to spit that out crumbled apart. He spoke so quickly and dryly; his way of saying he didn't want to discuss something.

I averted my eyes to the pavement, my lips pursed. Maybe he really was just delirious from a fever the other night and didn't mean it. I mean, we haven't talked about the date since—maybe he forgot about it.

"What, Eren." He urged, looking up at me from the corner of his eye. My disenchanted expression faded and I tried not to smile.

"Ah...I was just wondering if I could add something else to my wishlist, if that's okay with you."

"Absolutely not, spoiled brat."

"Hear me out—it's kind of related to the one you agreed to."

He heaved a tired sigh, the sharpness around his eyes softened a bit. "I said I'd take you somewhere and I will. That's all you're getting because that's enough for me to handle. Now carry some of these bags." By  _some_  bags, he meant carry them  _all_. I paused my pace so I can find a sturdy place to prop them all, then rushed back to his side.

After clutching the bags in my arms tightly, I loosened up and abandoned my tension with a sigh. I let my eyes wander on the passerby's, but the backdrop around me couldn't grab my attention; my thoughts had blinded me.

I suppose it's one or the other. Now that I think about it—if the date goes really well, then maybe Levi will give me a chance and actually go out with me. Then I can make him touch me as much as I want. That's how relationships worked, right?

There's no need to rush. If I can prove to him that I'd be a good match to him, then maybe he'll consider going out with me. Then we can have all the sex we want, anytime we wanted it.

With a rigid gulp, I stole a side-glance leer down at Levi as he walked at my side; narrow eyes straight-forward, masked with that serious expression he always wore.

As if I could ever have sex with him.

Even if by some miracle he agreed to it, I'd probably have a heart attack before I got to stick it in. I've been fantasizing about the guy for so many years, but I don't know how my body would react to the real thing.

I never even saw Levi totally nude before, just that thought alone was too much to handle. I don't know how I'd react to the events that would follow after seeing him bare of any clothes.

The most I've seen of the lower-half of his body was when he forgot to bring clean clothes into the bathroom before a bath. Even though he moved so fast like a little blur passing me, I saw a glimpse under his towel while he was bent down to searched through one of the draws. That happened months ago, but it still served as great mental material, if you catch my drift.

Having sex with him would probably be more stressful than pleasurable. In my fantasies I was  _fantastic_ at sex—the king of pleasure. I knew how to make Levi scream my name and beg for more.

But...in the real world, I'm a sexually frustrated virgin that didn't know the first thing about pleasing anyone other than myself. I might know  _what goes where_  but I didn't know if there were other tricks involved. Tricks that Levi would be expecting because let's face it: it doesn't take a genius to figure out that Levi has been around and had a lot of partners. He probably had mind-blowing sex in the past, so how could a virgin like me compete with that?

With how intimidating Levi is, I'd probably be too scared to get hard, and if I did finally managed that, I'd probably bore him to death with my amateur skills until he yawned in my face and told me I'm doing a shitty job—he'd totally do something like that, too. Typical Levi.

Maybe I was just saying this to convince myself that I made the right choice by picking a date with him—but even though the mere idea of having sex with Levi is stressful, I still really, really want to endeavor it.

I've been having sex with him in my head for far too long. Too many years have I let my imagination run wild and pretend my own hand was Levi's. I want  _him_  now, in the flesh, not the fantasies. I want to actually touch his skin and know how it felt to be inside him. Taste him and feel his breath and touch his body as it shook in pleasure under me. Know how his nails felt digging into my back and hear how his moans sound and—

"Eren your nose is bleeding."

"...Huh."

His narrow eyes flickered on me. In a daze, I looked down at him and he rose a brow.

"Geez, were you even  _listening_  to me at all this whole time?"

_Shit. No. I was too busy having sex with you in my head. Innocent mistake. My bad._

I smeared the trail of blood away on the back of my hand, sniffed to clear the blood, and the taste of iron stuck to the back of my throat. "Sorry. Just tell me again."

He sighed at the idea of repeating himself. "I was telling you that I'm going to help with Mikasa's cake this year. I know that's  _'your thing'_ , but let's be honest, your cakes suck."

"They aren't  _that bad._ "

"Eren, I had  _one bite_  last year and I could still taste that soupy cake."

"It wasn't soupy, it was just...moist."

"Moist with a bunch of hard lumps of batter inside that wasn't mixed properly." His shoulders shivered just mentioning it.

"Levi, come on, making the cake is my job. You can't just take over."

"Whether you like it or not I'm helping you so suck it up."

Princess Levi strikes again. "Fine. But when your birthday comes, Mikasa's not allowed to help me make your cake. It's all on me."

Levi flattened his palm against his chest as he made a sour face. "Just thinking about that gave me indigestion."

"That has nothing to do with me. You're just old and can't digest well anymore."

"We'll see which one of us can't digest when I rip your intestines out from your ass."

With phony charm, I sighed. "Ah. You really do have a poetic way with words."

We arrived back at the house, but work was far from over. We still had to put everything we bought away, and since Levi went overboard and bought a bunch of useless shit, it was going to take a while.

"We sure did get a lot of stuff." Almost impressed with himself, he rested his hands on his hips and peered down at all the bags cluttering the dinning table.

"That's because you're a compulsive shopper."

"Hey, we needed this stuff."

"Right. You needed two more mop-heads to match the five you have in the closet—" Large containers caught my eye, and I hoist one of them in the air, shaking the chemicals inside, "Look! You even bought two more jugs of glass cleaner! We already have three gallons of it!"

"Thanks for keeping track of the inventory, brat, but I couldn't just get one—it was buy one get one free."

"...You're really hopeless."

He stomped his heel with a crooked brow. "Says the person who bought two huge bottles of lotion. I bet you'll put them right next to the tissues on your nightstand. Now tell me again, what was your excuse for needing that much lotion?"

I thrashed the jug down, the action not even causing a flinch out of him. His eyes bore on me, waiting for my response. "It's like I told you before, my hands are just  _dry_  lately!"

His lips were skeptically pursed together, but he loosened up with a cocky  _'Ha'_ when he realized I was sticking with that claim _._  "Oh I  _bet_  they are—that's from all that  _friction_. If you needed lubrication, you should have just said so. No need to be shy."

"Lubri—What the hell are you talking about?"

Almost like he was impressed with my stupidity, his mouth dropped. "You're shitting me right now."

Nervous, I spun my back to him and returned to the task of putting away all the bundles, but then I felt a stabbing stare on me.

After he realizing I wasn't joking, I physically felt the daggers Levi was sending, puncturing me with holes of judgment.

"...You have much to learn, child."

It'll be a hot sunny day in the underground when he stops calling me child, or a kid or a brat.

Apart of me didn't really mind though. The nicknames, though demeaning, were kind of charming when you consider it was coming from  _Levi's_ mouth. That's as close as he's going to get to cute pet names. Though, it did get pretty annoying that he only pinned those nicknames on me—he always just called Mikasa by her name. Maybe it means I'm special. Or maybe it means she really is Levi's favorite.

With bug eyes, I dropped what I was doing and slammed my fist down on the counter.

"Damnit!"

"Oh boy. Is this another weird outburst? Should I prepare myself?" Even though Levi sounded patronizing, he thinned his tone—but this wasn't me getting pissed off for no particular reason like other times. I actually had a reason to be angry at myself now.

I sighed, accepting my fate of being a loser. Stuffing my face into my palms, I mumbled through my fingers, "I forgot to get Mikasa something."

I peeked at him, pouting, and Levi inspected my tense composure as he bit the inside of his cheek. Snapping from his static position with a roll of his eyes, he shuffled upstairs wordlessly.

"...?"

"I figured you would." All I could do was blink at the vacate space his echoing voice came from. He went on about me being hopeless until he returned to the bottom floor, standing before me. "I wanted you to find something  _on your own_ , but since you're useless, here."

Two paper slates were jammed into my hands and he breezed past me before I could fully realize what it was. I examined them, then shrugged. "What is this?"

He sat, arms crisscrossed over the table. "Tickets to that play she's been wanting to see. The poor girl has been throwing hits at you for like three weeks."

"...She has?" I peered back to the tickets again, hoping it would spark my memory. I must have not paid attention—but I did recall her showing me a pamphlet. I didn't know she  _actually_  wanted to go, though. Was she really into boring stuff like this now?

"I bought them a few days ago before they sold out." Peeved, he tapped his fingernails against the surface, "I  _was_  going to give them to her myself as an extra present but you're incapable of simple tasks, so, you give it to her."

It's  _his_  fault I forgot. My head has been so fogged with thoughts of  _him_  and that  _damn_   _date_  that I forgot about her birthday and forgot to ask her what she wanted. And thanks to him entering my mind  _again_  today, I forgot to pick her something up.

But sure. Blame me. It's totally my fault.

A second glance at the tickets later, I swat them repeatedly against my palm. Since he handed me both tickets, I'm assuming he wants  _me_  to go with her. I sighed. "I really hate plays."

"This isn't about  _you_. Bring her to a goddamn play. Just the two of you. Have some brother-sister bonding. You two never have a chance to just hang out together. It's the weekend after her birthday too, so I think it works out."

"I guess..."

"Ungrateful brat." He pushed out his chair fussily, making room for his legs to cross. "Thank God I was wrong about you and Mikasa liking either other. She doesn't deserve a crappy boyfriend like you."

"I'll have you know I would be a great boyfriend," I couldn't pass up the opportunity to insert a shameless self-plug.

"I beg to differ." The expression he gave me was so cold I actually got chills. "Anyway—I'm sure she'll enjoy herself. She needs a change of pace. She does nothing but go to work and come home. She'll have fun."

"If you say so. But, there's only two tickets here—don't you want to come too? Or better, why don't you go with her?"

"Nah. I wish, though. Believe me, I'd go in your place if I could. An uncultured swine like you doesn't know how to fully appreciate a play—but you know I work on the weekends."

"Oh. Right. Your job as a ' _bartender',_ " I chortled, gesturing a pair of air-quotes.

"...Why did you add unnecessary emphasis to  _bartender_?"

"I just said  _bartender._  You're the one getting all jumpy about me saying _bartender._ "

Levi's not a bartender.

I know this because I followed him to his work. Again. He'd probably kill me this time if he found out, but that doesn't stop me from indirectly teasing him and making him feel unsettled at the possibility of me knowing his dirty secret.

His place of employment was strikingly similar to where he worked in Wall Sina. And to settle my curiosity further, I hung out in the shadows at the back of the club to see that Levi didn't tend behind the bar counter like he claimed, in fact, he was in the front lines, up on stage instead.

He's still a sexy entertainer—or  _whatever the fuck_ he called it. Erotic performer. That's it. It was right at the tip of my tongue.

I shook my head, aggravated by my own thoughts. Let's keep this simple and call him what he is: a stripper _._

Most weekends my legs would subconsciously move on their own to the club and I'd catch one or two of his shows. I'd rest my back against a murky corner and watch him perform. A part of me would get just as stiff as the pole he'd ride his ass against.

At first I was enraged with jealously that a bunch of unworthy pigs were allowed to watch him intimately dance—because despite me being a coward who couldn't voice my feelings, Levi was still  _mine_ in my eyes. However, after a few more trips I realized Levi, to a certain degree, enjoyed his time on stage. He didn't do it to sexually please anyone. It was almost a way of venting for him; just a time to be alone with his thoughts and release all the pent up tension from his body.

I also noticed he never interacted with any of his customers, either. He'd disappear backstage between routines and barely spoke to his coworkers, if you can even call them that.

It became obvious that Levi just did the job to collect fast cash and clear his head, and after a while I learned to accept it, meaning my jealousy faded away. Effortlessly, I'd erase everyone from the picture and only see Levi, like we were the only people in the room and he was dancing just for me.

"Eren, stop spacing out and put this shit away."

Yet again, I'm being blamed for being thrown off track when really it's all his damn fault.

** ~x~ **

"What's all this crap for?" I thumbed through the cookbook before me on the table, a scowl firmly resting on my face. "I never use all these ingredients just to make a cake."

Carrying an armful, Levi peeked over the mountain of ingredients, mixing bowls, and other baking tools as he shuffled over to the counter behind me. "And  _that's_   _why_ your cakes suck. You have to _follow directions._ " Deposing the load on the counter, Levi warped around and tried to look over my shoulder and (of course) failed miserably, so he nudged his way in front of me, his head rudely blocking my eyes from the cookbook.

Levi bent over to get a closer look at the text and read carefully. I took a step back, and nearly tripped on my own feet as I tried to make a gap between us. Thank God I escape _that position_ quickly, but backing up didn't help much. All did was grant myself a better view of his ass. With my eyes glued, I tilted my head, focused. I'm pretty sure he was talking again but...I really couldn't focus on anything but his—

"Wake up," Levi spun and whacked my head with the wooden spoon in hand. Due to my grogginess, though, the hit wasn't very effective.

"It's early. Tell me to wake up after a nap."

"We have to get this done before she wakes up," I was going to question him  _why_  it matters when she knows she's getting a cake anyway, but he jabbed a mixing bowl into my gut and returned to the book before I could open my mouth.

"Crack three eggs into the bowl."

"Easy enough." I said with a yawn, but just as the eggs were in my reach, Levi snatched them first.

"Actually, let me do this part. You always get egg shells mixed in."

I let my floating hand fall to my side.

Why am I even here? He's just going to take over and do all the work anyways. He should have just left me sleeping and let me wake up to all the work finished. I probably would have rolled over and returned to my dreams if he hadn't  _trick me_.

My eyes had slit open from the soft call of my name, and Levi greeted my blurry vision. Laying besides me, still in my arms and staring at me with kind, droopy eyes. He brushed my bangs gently and told me it was time to wake up to work on Mikasa's birthday cake. He said it so sweetly and even let me cuddle him a little while longer to help charge my strength—but now, with two doses of caffeine in his system, Levi had assumed direct control over the kitchen. I really couldn't find my role here at all.

"Wait," he hooked his head around, patting himself down like he was missing something, "I need an apron. I'm not scrubbing sticky cake batter out of my clothes later."

"You can wear mine."

"No, because  _you_  need to wear yours because I'm not scrubbing it from your clothes either."

I shrugged, but he had a point. I don't want to get my clothes dirty, mainly because that would make Levi bitch and I didn't want to hear it. I reached for my apron and tied it around me, then took the spare off the hook and held it out to him. "Here, wear Mikasa's."

"No."

"Why."

"It's pink."

"I think pink would suit you."

"Oh yeah? I think black and blue bruises would suit you."

"Stop being a baby and just wear it."

He growled and seized it from my hand roughly. In the end, his cleanliness defeated him, not me. The apron was a little long on him, but it seemed to fit perfectly otherwise.

And I was right, pink really did suit him.

After cracking the eggs perfectly in the bowl, he disposed of the shells and wiped his hands on a rag. Slanting over to the cookbook, he skimmed through the directions and recited the text, "Next, measure one cup of milk and a cup and a half of sugar. "

"Oh, am I finally allowed to help?" I asked, and Levi glared at me, waving his spoon in front of me like a nightstick.

"Drop the attitude or I'll use this again."

I just blinked at him, dumbfounded. Really. Really? He's threatening me with wooden spoons now?

With the measuring cup hovered before me, I poured the milk with Levi watching carefully, waiting for me to screw up—and when his head started shaking in my peripheral vision, I prematurely disrupted the flow.

"Nope. Too much. Give it to me."

"I got it!" I traveled to the sink, holding the cup protectively against my chest so Levi wouldn't snatch it away as I did. I poured some of the liquid down the drain and held up the cup to see where line was hitting, then poured a little more out and rechecked the amount again. It was only off by a few thimbles, but to a perfectionist like Levi, that was the equivalent to me slopping the whole jug of milk carelessly into the bowl.

"Alright, sugar now." I reminded myself and reached for the jar of it (we had a lot, since Levi always took his coffee and tea with two teaspoons of sugar). Unscrewing the top, I set the rim over the measuring cup, and was about to let the grains pour out, but Levi smacked my hand with the spoon again and I nearly dropped the container from the unexpected sting.

"Ow!" I felt the hit this time. I set the jar back down and held my throbbing hand against my chest, staring at him in disbelief. " _Stop_  doing that! That's it—give me that, you lost your spoon privileges!"

I stomped up to him, palm held out in from of me. He backed himself into a corner of the kitchen and hid it behind his back, his eyes challenging me to just  _try_  and take it from him.

Oh my God. He actually wants to keep the damn spoon. I nearly walked out of the room and contemplated life at that point.

Instead, I rubbed my temples. If I didn't find his attachment to the spoon  _unbearable cute_  I would have pried it from his hand and beat him with it.

Whatever—he can keep it, but if he can't learn to play nice with it, I'm taking it next time.

After a final rub on my swollen hand, I questioned why I was punished in the first place, "Why did you swat me? What did I do wrong this time?"

"You were about to put sugar in a wet measuring cup. It's just going to stick and make the measurements off. Think, Eren."

"You told me  _milk_  and  _sugar_ so I went with that order!" That's even what the book said, so who wouldn't make that mistake? But—it is common sense, now that I think about it. Something dry like sugar would stick to a wet cup.

"Just go wash and dry the cup."

I groaned and headed for the sink, and he replaced my spot. "I'll put the salt and baking powder in."

As I dried the cup, I watched as he carefully measured the right amounts on the tablespoon.

Even though I prefer to make Mikasa's cake on my own, I couldn't help but be happy to have Levi helping me. Not only was it nice to spend time with him like this while he sported a pink apron, but I had to admit he's a great baker. The only time I got a taste of his skills was on my birthday, but that just gave me a reason to look forward to it more.

I couldn't help but feel jealous that Mikasa would eat so much of the cakes he would prepare, but barely touch the ones I made her. Maybe Levi's right, maybe my cakes do suck. But with us both working on it, I think it'll come out good, so long as I didn't screw up—but Levi wasn't allowing space for failure. He did this by barely letting me do anything, and before I knew it all the ingredients were in place.

"Alright, you just need to blend it  _very well_  now—while you do that, I'll start making the frosting," he said, and left me with a whisk.

Sure, do all the fun steps and make me strain my arm with the mixing.

The batter was thicker than I'm used to, so maybe that's where I always went wrong. That explains why my cake always came out—in Levi's words— _soupy_.

"Ya' gotta put more elbow grease in it than that, Eren. At this rate there will be lumpy air pockets of sugar and salt."

"I'm mixing it the best I can!" The whisk attacked the batter like a raging twister, and even though my arm stung and it still wasn't close to being well-blended, I persevered.

Levi had sat across the table from me, working on his own bowl. By the time I looked up at him again to check his progress, he was finished with the vanilla frosting. After whacking the spoon against the bowl to rid the excess icing clinging to it, he taste-tested his work by licking the spoon, then nodded his head in approval.

"Hey, I wanna taste it too..."

"Keep mixing." Grabbing a clean spoon, he dipped it the mix of frosting, then licked the spoon clean out of spite. I snarled in his direction, but he was too busy indulging in his icing to notice. He's so childish sometimes—but at the same time he's so overwhelming sexy. Damn him and his tongue slowly licking that crème up. With my pants starting to taut, I averted my eyes away from the scene.

"You have icing all over your mouth," I pointed out to distract my perverted thoughts, and he stood, mumbling, then vigorously wiped his face on a rag. There wasn't actually anything there, I just wanted to embarrass him—but the mental image of Levi with vanilla crème covering his face put me in a daze and slowed my rotating arm, which Levi luckily noticed soon enough to stop me from drooling into the bowl.

"C'mon Eren, you can do  _batter_  than that."

Levi muffled his voice under the rag—and the sound trapped beneath was suspiciously similar to a giggle. I just stopped. I just stopped everything, put the bowl down and set my eyes on him, staring for a while.

"...Did you just make a baking pun?" And just to add the icing to the cake, did he actually  _laugh_  at his own awful joke? Now I'm coming up with baking puns. It's contagious.

"And if I did?"

I blinked at him with a wide-open smile. "That was  _so friggin' terrible_ and I loved it."

"You look like you just saw into another dimension—I can make dumb jokes when I want to, you know." Levi—making jokes? Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's onto something there; I think I actually slipped into another dimension.

Giving a thoughtful hum, I picked the bowl back up, set it in my lap and I started swirling the ingredient again, slowly, still looking at him with baffled amusement. "You just don't come off as a  _pun guy_."

Against the counter, he pondered for a second with folding arms, like he was deciding whether or not to speak. Using his backside as a jumpstart off the counter, he leaned in close to me. "Alright, I'll let you in on a little secret—horrible puns are my weakness."

"Get out, really?" A skeptical laugh cracked out from my lips, "You look the type that would just roll your eyes at dumb stuff like that."

"I'm not saying bad puns aren't dumb, it's just jokes that are so bad and unfunny just become hilarious to me."

"Oh, now I  _have to_ think of some puns." This is so surreal. Levi likes puns. Who would've knew. I looked up, trying to think of my adolescent days of when puns were considered witty. "Got one—The cannibal's cookbook was written by a guy who had a wife and  _ate_  kids."

"Pff—" He re-hid his face in the rag, and I was thankful his eyes were off me because my cheeks were heated in delight. That was a terrible joke—even nine year olds would boo it with a thumbs down, but Levi was _laughing._

He steadied his shaking shoulders and threw the rag to the table. "Oh no, don't even get me started on mature puns—they're my favorite."

"Tell me some!"

"Ah—I don't think you'll get some of them," a laugh was already in his tone, "but whatever, here's one: A soldier suffers from premature ejaculation. Dishonorable discharge."

Important mental note: Levi laughs at his own awful jokes. What a revelation. This is either the lamest or cutest thing I've ever witnessed.

I didn't find any of the jokes funny as he kept reciting them one after the other, but just hearing his soft, dull laugh made me laugh.

"Here's another: A murderer joined the military and made a killing," he chortled again, and I tried so hard not to join him.

"That's not even close funny," when I opened my mouth, I failed at concealing my laugh and I squeezed my eyes shut as I shot my head back. Just the fact that Levi was telling these horrible jokes made it so much more funnier. "I bet you have a lot of cleaning puns."

He tilted his head a little, looking serious all of a sudden. "How can I come up with cleaning puns when my street looks like a garbage dump,  _litter ally._ " He turned away to hide his face, but I knew what expression he was wearing.

"Oh my God, Levi. You're so terrible, I'm actually embarrassed for you." And I may have fell even deeper in love with him just now.

So even serious Levi was capable of laughing at jokes—but they had to be really stupid, awful jokes. Just when I thought he couldn't get any weirder.

Even after all these years by his side, there's still so many mysterious sides to him I had yet to learn. I'm well-educated in the bad times that consumed his past, since he entrusted me with some of that information, but knowing he was still capable of laughing and smiling at simple things like anyone else warmed my heart, and inspired me at the same time. If someone like him that's been through so much can still be strong and break a frown, then I can too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for ending this one kind of abruptly. I barely got through this so I didn't have the energy to start Mikasa's birthday yet because Hanji will be there and her and Levi's fun conversations are enough to drain me. XD Oh, and yes. Levi likes bad puns. -coughs awkwardly- About that. I totally have a valid reason for this. I seen this headcanon on Tumblr a while back that Levi secretly has an awful sense of humor and laughs at dumb, childish jokes and I just fell in love with the idea. I think it's super adorable and it suits my current Levi since he's loosened up a bit over the years, so I thought it would be a quirky addition to his personality. :3
> 
> One last thing. Their date is coming soon, (after the upcoming chapter) and that will be told through Eren's eyes too. POV's will be switching back and forth for a while, so my apologies for the whiplash.


	19. Rapport

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lately, Levi's been through a whirlwind of contradictory emotions and they don't seem to be letting up any time soon. When Hanji comes over for Mikasa's birthday and starts asking too many questions, his emotions only pin him down more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, folks! I still have writers block, but it's getting better. Nothing too extravagant going on in this chapter, but things will pick up after the next one. There's just some stuff that needs addressing before I move forward with the story. Our poor little Levi is just going through a self-discovery stage because he's a dummy and doesn't know what love is. :3

I decided to spend the rest of the morning doing laundry; there was nothing much else to do. Mikasa took advantage of her time off from work and slept in, and she's fully entitled to do so since it's her birthday. Eren decided to be absolutely useless as usual and work out his biceps as I folded the dry linens. The kid puts so much effort into lifting weights but he can't even lift a pair of dirty socks off the ground. I would say I don't understand him if he wasn't so painfully simple. He's lazy and does shit for himself, that's the entire puzzle that makes up Eren.

Surprisingly enough, he didn't royally ruin Mikasa's birthday cake earlier (thanks to me doing most of the work—yes, I'm taking most of the credit). Eren not fucking up for a change can be marked as the first success in years. As a reward, I won't nag him into helping me with chores. For one, he'd just whine and give me a headache and secondly, watching Eren working out shirtless isn't the worse view to have while I tended to a mundane chores.

"Levi?"

"Hm?" I uttered so Eren knew he had my attention, but continued to shake out the ruffles of the sheet in hand so no unnecessary creases would form when I folded it.

"You're the smart one here—do you know what those crystals are? Like, why are they there?"

Giving him my full attention now, I saw that Eren had taken a break from his routine and was laying flat on the bench, hands behind his head as he stared upward, a dim glow highlighting his skin. I followed his gaze up to the rocky ceiling holding gradient crystals above us. They hung high and shined bright, and almost resemble the starry night sky. I went back to folding up the sheet in hand with an uninterested shrug.

"Who knows. You'll have to ask Hanji about that science-y shit, not me. I don't really question them, but it's a blessing they exist or else it would darker than the inside of an asshole down here."

That was the best analogy I could come with—without those crystals, it really would be hard to live down here without a candle on hand at all times, even then that wouldn't be enough to suffice. Those crystals shed some light on this murky city and make getting around possible. It sure wasn't as bright as the sun, though, and wandering the streets without paying attention will result in knocking into things or tripping on crevices in the road. Still, it was better than nothing.

When the three of us first moved here, the change in lighting was almost impossible to adjust to. That was quite the realization for a night owl like myself. The darkness down here made me realize I took advantage of how well-lit Wall Sina could get at night with the lamplights leading the paths—and even though it's a shitty city, it could be quite the sight when all the shops windows were lit.

Over time, it's natural for your mind and senses adjusts to your surroundings, and thus my perception has become keener in the dark thanks to living down here, but my candle and oil bill is still unnecessary high due to my efforts of keeping the house comfortably lit.

"I really miss the sky." With that soft utter, Eren heaved up; palms pressed on the bench between his thighs as he stared down into his lap.

My arms fell to my side along with the corners of my lips. The clean sheet brushed against the dirty ground. I said nothing, but Eren spoke as if we were in the midst of conversation.

"It's one of those things you take for granted of while it's right in front of you, well, above you, you know?" Eren shifted his gaze to me, a weary smile tugging at his lips. I couldn't even try to muster up a matching expression. My heart twinging in my chest was all I could focus on.

"...I'm sorry." I mumbled out, barely, then turned my back to him so I could pick another sheet off the line.

"Wha—why are you sorry?" There was a baffled chuckle laced in his words.

I continued to preoccupy my mind with the chores—but knowing Eren, he would keep picking until he was satisfied.

"Really. You don't say  _'sorry'_ a lot so I'm curious."

Swiping a tongue over my lips, I breathed in deep through my teeth, and hooked my neck back. "Because—" I wanted to end it there, but knew I couldn't. "Because if you never got mixed up with me, you wouldn't have to be down here living this shitty life."

I closed my eyes for a moment, reflecting on what I said. Over the years, I've thought about this in spurts, but actually saying it made me realize how much truth those words held.

How Eren knocked on my door that night could be seen as a blessing and a curse. On one hand, him and Mikasa got off the streets before anything could corrupt their young minds or bodies—but on the other hand they were being raised in a filthy environment by a criminal that has no clue what he's doing. I can keep them safe, that much I can promise. I can't promise them anything else, though. Stability, a better life, meaningful future—nothing. That's the part that really bothered me.

This place feels like a tomb sometimes. Like everyone down here is already buried and dead, like this is some kind of cruel purgatory filled with suffering and struggle before the final end.

Eren and Mikasa won't have bright futures. I try to fool them into thinking they will become something when I tutor them and try to feed their brains with all the knowledge I could afford to share. Teaching them all I know is the least I could offer them, since they can't attend school. In the end, though, it's all a useless effort.

It's only a matter of time before they get caught up in something illegal—that comes hand-in-hand when you reside in a filthy neighborhood. If I'm  _lucky_  they'll live a meaningless life and die down here of old age. That's the only realistic happy ending I could imagine, because when it comes down to it we're trapped down here. We can't ever leave.

Everyone's trapped up on the surface too, now that I think about it. At least they have simple luxuries like fresh air and sunlight—we don't. You can't get that down here. It's a city run by the poverty class. There aren't even decent jobs or better neighborhoods to upgrade to. To put it simply, there's nothing to look forward to. Living here is barely living at all.

When I was out on the streets with my friends, we looked forward to getting our own place together, and we did. We succeeded over an obstacle and checked it off our list. Three worthless scumbags actually  _achieved_  something (although our methods were crooked, we worked hard to reach our goals). We bettered ourselves and we felt fucking fantastic for it. Our next step was financial stability and getting into some big estate together down the line. They would tease and say they'd hire a hundred maids so I'd never have to lift a finger again—but I'd simply retort back that they wouldn't be good enough and I'd be the first millionaire to scrub tiles on my hands and knees.

They were stupid dreams, but they were  _our_ dreams and it kept us looking forward. On those days we felt like shit; too weak to go on, we were able to look back and see what we accomplished and look ahead at what's to come, even if they were insignificant achievements and desires.

I guess I just wish the kids had the opportunity to have dreams too—to have something to look forward to and work toward, but living down here makes that wish seem so far from reach.

"Levi...you're kidding me, right?" It looked as though Eren was in deep thought himself. It only took one glace at him to see we were on entire different pages, though. "Meeting you was the best things that happened to Mikasa and I. Sure, this place isn't a royal utopia but it sure beats being where ever the hell we'd be without you. You know, Mikasa wouldn't be alive right now if you didn't take us in that night. I probably would have died soon after. I'd take a shitty life underground with you over no life at all." He snorted and covered his mouth, and I was thrown off given that his seriousness shifted into unexpected amusement. "Hell, I'd probably still pick a shitty life with  _you_  down here rather than any other life."

"Psh. That makes one of us. I hate this place more than anywhere, and this is coming from someone who's been outside the wall." I dunked the sheet in hand into the basket with a heavy sigh. Moving over to the ledge of the roof, I declared a break and sat. My neck twisted around to catch a view of the city. "But there's just no other option. This is the only place we could hide."

I found that my features were tugging down with an emotional weight, and I braced my teeth tight, but my thoughts formed into words and slipped between despite the restraint my lips bared, "...Too bad the underground city wasn't around when my parents were alive. This could have been a good place for us all to hide."

While dazed by my own words and before I had time to realize, Eren came to sit beside me, his eyes crinkling in empathy. Realizing the mistake I made, my eyes widened in return.

I bolted up with a careless sniff. I went over to removed the clothes pins from the last sheet on the line and let it fall into my hands.

"That was a stupid thing to bring up. That's just me escalating shit as usual."

"It's not stupid. I was just thinking about my mom a second ago too." I looked back to see him staring at his fidgeting fingers. "I was thinking of how I felt when I lost her, and how I felt I'd never have a normal, happy life again. But, you proved me wrong. You love doing that."

"This is hardly a normal, happy life, Eren. I'm sure your life was much better before the breach."

Stiffly, he pushed his shoulders up. "If we're talking about life in general... than hardly. I mean, it doesn't matter where you go in these walls, there's assholes everywhere and there's corruption and nothing's fair. I was a dumb kid in the middle of all that. But now, I'm still a dumb kid, but I'm stronger and know how to prevent my loved ones from leaving me ever again. I value that a lot."

I sat back next to him, closer than before, and removed my eyes from the bundle in my lap and set them on him, silently urging him to continue talking. Eren, much like myself, kept his emotions bottled up. For a frustrated kid like him, that was a dangerous habit, but I never wanted to pressure him into talking. Simply put, I was ready to listen when he was ready to talk. I felt lucky being around when he was in the mood to share fragments about his past. Some of the shit that comes out of his mouth could be annoying sometimes, but I do really like to hear him talk about the person he was before we met.

"I can't lie entirely though—I did have a peaceful home life. I wasn't rich but my family took care of Mikasa and I. We were just another simpleton family on the block that didn't have any secrets or drama—a part of me always wished we were more like our scandalous neighbors."

As memories presented themselves, he bit his lip to hide the smile clearly showing. His lips flattened after a long pause. "My mother was always a worry ward. She stressed out about the tiniest things and as a kid I couldn't understand  _why_  for the life of me. I just wanted her to lay off my back and let me do whatever I wanted—but after I lost her, and once Mikasa and I were on our own and she was dying and I met you, a chord finally struck in me and I knew  _exactly_  how my mother felt. When you have everything you need, you forget how it feels to have it taken away; and just like I said people take for granted the sky right above them, people take for granted of the ones they love when they're right beside them. When you think about losing them you realize how different your life would be without them. The way my mother protected me, the way Mikasa's parents protected her, that's how I want to protect the ones I love too. It's a shame my mom died before I could thank her. She gave me some important life lessons."

I swallowed thickly, nodding to show I paid attention. The topic of family in general didn't settle with me right—but Eren rarely spoke of his mother, or his life before the breach. The least I could do is add to the conversation. "Parents are usually good for that type of thing. My parents taught me a lot too." I offered that, not knowing what else to say.

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

I went back to folding on my lap, trying to ignore that Eren's curious eyes were planted on me. "...My dad taught me how to fight. I imagine a little shit like me wouldn't have lasted in this world alone without knowing how to defend myself. I'm very appreciative of that."

"And what about your mom?"

"She taught me how to clean."

I turned a small smile on Eren, and he belatedly returned it, like he couldn't tell if I was joking or not at first. He nudged me with his elbow, which was pretty damn dangerous since we were sitting two stories from the ground.

"C'mon, seriously. Tell me."

My mother did much more than teach me proficient ways to clean. The woman deserves some credit so I'll spill, this time.

"She taught me a lot about people, you can say. She told me that no one is completely good or completely evil, that frankly good and evil doesn't exist and your life is what you make of it. 'You should make choices that you will regret least in the end', is what she always said. That's not saying you should always take the moral route, either. It varies from person to person. For example, my parents made the choice of going outside the wall, because we all would've been sent to the gallows if caught. In the end I know they don't regret that choice. Their top priority was always me, and I'm still alive. The outcome wasn't ideal, but still successful."

My parents couldn't have known how dangerous the outside world really was. Living safe inside strictly controlled walls gives you the illusion that everywhere holds laws—the kind of laws my parents were running from. But there's such thing has too much freedom, and such life exist outside. Just like there's no laws in the animal kingdom, it's dog eat dog, or in this case, Titan eat human out there. My parents were desperately searching for freedom and wanted to lead a self-governing life, unconfined from the rules society created. Unfortunately, they never found a comfortable middle.

Even thinking of life outside was forbidden; considered to be a great crime. Them being the rebels they were, they figured they'd go against the system and see what they were hiding beyond the walls. My parents strongly believed that government was crooked and made the Titan threat seem much more dangerous than it was just to keep everyone caged inside so that they could rein their rule over them—but unluckily for us, the government didn't lie about one thing, and that was the severity of the Titans.

I think the end they met, however gruesome, was one they preferred over public execution in front of the same conformist they loathed so much. To them, taking the chance of being swallowed up by a Titan was better than being killed with their son for the public's entertainment. They always felt like puppets inside these walls. They tried to change it. The most regrettable part of their story is that they never came close. Toward the end of our journey, when we were running out of places to hide, my mother told me that if they were to fail that mission,  _I_  had the power to change the world if I decided I wanted to.

What a crock of shit.

"I think—" Eren paused to gather his thoughts for a moment, running his palms over his denim jeans as he did. "I think it's always a parents best interest to see their child moving forward, even if they can't join them. One of the last things my mother said to me was to _live on_. She cared less if she died or not so long as I was going to survive." He tried hard to force down his lips, "I bet my mom really likes you, you looked after us in her place and kept us alive. But I think your parents were smart; they choose freedom over being killed by the idiots who think they have authority over everyone's mind and actions in here. Even though they died, they died being free, and not a lot of civilians in these walls could leave that behind as their legacy."

To the public's eye, my parents weren't good people, but they just wanted change and they wanted to change themselves, too. No one is perfect, they did make choices they regretted, most before I was born. But they didn't want to die for it and have me dragged into their choices before I had a chance to make my own. As my mother saw it, those regretted choices builds character, but doesn't make you a bad person, just a _person_ who made  _a bad decision_. Using myself as an example, you can say I made a fuck-ton of bad choices. I've killed people, regardless if they deserved it in  _my eyes_  or not, but that doesn't make me a murderer that would go around killing anyone I disagree with. Mistakes and choices don't defy you as a person. I was once suicidal, but I changed. I was once a junkie without a mind of my own, but I changed. I once sought mindless revenge, but I changed.

People  _can_  change. People can correct their wrongs. My parents were proof of that. They did some acts that were looked down on in these walls—but as far as I knew, their crimes weren't necessarily acts of mindless behavior, but only socially deemed as wrong. They had a cause to fight, and there's always a price to pay for revolution; whether it's your own morality or blood shed.

People shouldn't have to die just because someone of higher power judges them as bad people. As my mother said, choices vary person to person, and can't be judged as right or wrong by anyone but the beholder.

There are some exceptions to this, of course. Some people don't view choices as regrettable or not. They just do what they want without considering others and only care about benefiting themselves. Even so, I still stand by what I believe and think no one should receive a death penalty. The truly corrupted should be taught that difference; have it drilled into their heads, and shouldn't die before learning from their mistakes. That is true moral punishment. Killing without mercy before giving someone a chance to redeem themselves simply because your personal outlook contradicts their views makes you guilty of the same crime.

No matter how far gone a human is, it's natural for them to want to redeem themselves given the proper treatment and circumstances. My parents received their treatment when I was born—but even though they held their regrets and reconciled with them, they were marked forever as mindless criminals and were forced to run from their past, even if they did want to live a peaceful life with their child and let their own sins be their punishment.

Even though I was young and didn't understand much at the time, my mother talked to me about this a lot, because she wanted me to not necessarily live a good life, but one  _I consider_ _to be_ _good_  because there is a difference between living the way you should and living the way you want.

Unfortunate for her, I'm more like my father. I'm constantly making choices I regret, even when I know there's other choices available—but all I have to do is let them build up and hope they don't consume me. And in the meantime, try to learn from my regrets and make better choices.

"We really should have talks like this more often. I know it's not easy—but I miss my mom. So it's nice to take some time to remember her every once in a while."

With sloppy posture caused by memories weighing down on me, I hooked my head up to him. "And you miss your dad, too."

"Not really," he huffed, a nerve rattling him.

"You shouldn't say that. Your father is your father."

"Eh." He winced, shaking his head. "You don't understand. He was barely around, not even for the important stuff like birthday's or anniversaries. He wasn't even there the day my mother died. Maybe if he was, we would've been able to save her." His fist clenched against his lap. He managed to stiffly swallow his bitter rage swelling up so he could keep a calm voice. "But as usual, he just goes missing and doesn't even try to find his kids. What kind of father is that? Hell, you raised me better than he ever did."

My mouth hung open, eyes batting.

"You...You think I raised you well?" Uncertainty laced my tone, mixed with a spark of wonder. Shit. That was not the correct response. I shouldn't be encouraging what he's saying. I should tell him he's a dumb ungrateful brat that should show his father more respect—but hearing him say that...well. I'm not sure how that makes me feel. Hearing positive feedback isn't a horrible feeling though, I guess.

He scooted closer to me and twisted to me fully, looking me straight on without a hint of doubt showing. "Yes, you did. You did everything right. You protected us, you gave us company so we'd never be lonely. Supported us, made us feel at home. You answered all our weird questions, even if they were awkward for you to answer. Even now you put up with so much for our sake. I know Mikasa is a simple case, but I can be a handful sometimes but you're always on my side. You must have a huge heart and a lot of patience to do all that for two bratty kids you aren't even related to."

I'm sure Eren wondered why the sheet I was previously folding came suspiciously close to my face—but with the way my face heated up I'm sure it was visible and I  _did not_  want him to see how grateful I was for those words. "I—I still can't replace your father, Eren." I coughed out, trying to reclaim my default mood.

Not convinced, Eren folded his arms with a sneer. "The difference between you and him is he ran away when there was a crisis, but you ran _with us_  when there was a crises."

"Well I couldn't just abandon you and leave you to fend for yourself."

"But my dad did. He abandon us. Wall Sina isn't that huge—I would have found him after all those months of searching, but he doesn't  _want_  to be found. Even after asking around, I still couldn't find him. He's covering his tracks like a coward. I mean, he's a doctor, he should've been recognized by someone by now, but he's avoiding responsibility like he always has."

Tossing the sloppily folded sheet into the basket, I grasped my knees and let in a choppy breath. I had to work myself up for what I was about to say, but I knew this day would come. "You know, Eren...I never wanted to bring this up when you were still young and hopeful, but I hope you realize that there is a possibility that your father is dead and that's why you can't find him, right?"

"No, he isn't dead."

The stiffness in my shoulders loosened. I stared at him uneasily. The quick, irrational response from him wasn't one I expected. "How do you know? This doesn't have anything to do with those weird dreams you used to have about him, right? I told you, that didn't really happen."

"No. It's not just the dreams," he scratched his head irritably. "A son just knows these things. I would have sensed it by now, but he's still alive. The asshole is just hiding from his kids."

". . . . . ." I had no words to offer him. I didn't agree with him—I want to believe he's still alive for their sake, but I don't understand where Eren's rebellion toward him is coming from. Then again, Eren has been rebelling against everything lately. It's only natural for him to go against his father too. Now that I think about it, I think it's normal for a teenage boy to rebel against his father.

Admittedly, I found it strange that we never even heard any word of a 'Grisha Yeager' all these years, but I just assumed he died—that maybe he went back to look for them and suffered a similar fate as Eren's mother.

About a two years ago, Eren became quite rattled by these reacquiring dreams about his father. He would have these emotional episodes and muscle spasms in his sleep for weeks every time he slept. It was painful to watch. These dreams would become more vivid until he had a basic understanding of what was going on in them—but even though he told me about them, it never made any sense to me. Something about his father attacking him and injecting him with something while he told him to go home.

Eren was convinced this actually happened, and it took Mikasa and I awhile to convince him otherwise.

I just figured this was his subconscious mind trying to show him what he really wanted: the longing to see his father and go back home, but since rage built over time for his fathers absence, his mind envisioned him as a ravaged man that was trying to hurt him. In Eren's eyes, he did emotionally hurt him by abandoning him, so psychologically speaking it made sense. Or maybe he was just eating too much sugar before bed and that triggered fucked up dreams. Who knows. I'll never understand dreams.

The conversation ended prematurely by a rustic sound scraping along concrete. Our heads darted in sync to the door on the other side of the roof, and a beat later, Mikasa popped her head out.

"Hey, guys. I made breakfast."

"Huh?" Eren pushed himself off the ledge and stomped toward her. "We were suppose to do that!"

"But I always make breakfast..." Mikasa hung her head like she did something wrong.

"It's your birthday though, it's your day to do absolutely nothing."

"Huh." With a brow high, she squinted on him. "I guess it's your birthday everyday."

I brush passed Eren, and Mikasa instinctively slapped my raised palm as I passed. "That a girl."

"Hey!" Eren shouted, and I chuckled through the door, Mikasa close behind as we traveled back down the stairs without him. "Why are you two always teaming up against me?!"

**~x~**

A signature beat of knocks echoing through the house had me knowing who was at the door without even a second thought. Lifting myself out of the dinning chair, I breathed deeply in preparation and answered door, letting in a serge of energy so great I was nearly knocked off my feet.

"Sorry I'm late!"

Even though I knew well in advance that Hanji was coming for a visit today, it always took me a few moments to adjust to the sudden shift in space her presence caused.

With preoccupied thought and her hands full, Hanji rushed up to me with excitement and her sticky lips landed on both sides of my cheeks. Groaning, I wiped the leftover residue on my sleeve with a disgusted glare. Nudging me aside with her shoulder, she darted her head around like a nervous squirrel. "Where's my birthday girl!?"

Standing static in the kitchen, Mikasa made her silent presence known by slowly lifting a waving hand. "Hi, Hanji."

"Kya~! There's my darling niece!"

This cheery atmosphere must be broken, or else I'll earn a headache, or an arrest record. "For the last time, she  _isn't_  your niece."

"Aunt Hanji!" Eren called front the bottom step, unintentionally irritating me on cue. She greeted him with a cheery shrill and he came forth, giggling like a moron. It sure does get noisy when she comes over.

"Whoa Eren! Did you get taller?"

"I did, see?" He moved to the frame of the door, pointing out the fresh line engraved. "A whole inch since the last time you seen me," he announced proudly, spine erect with hands on his hips.

"I could tell—you grow so fast!" She bent down, shifting the bundle in her hands to one arm so she could adjust her glasses. "Aw, look at Levi's mark all the way down there. Hasn't moved a centimeter."

They shared to laugh, and Mikasa shot a worried glare at me.

"Fuck you. Fuck both of you. Get out of my house." I demanded.

"I live here." Eren said dryly, shaking his head at Hanji with a bratty roll in his eyes.

"You don't contribute anything to the household, you useless moocher. Now go on," I shooed them with a flick of my wrist. "Out you go."

"Don't be a party pooper!" Hanji warned and removed herself from the quarrel and faced Mikasa. "Here—I brought you some flowers. Figured you'd like to see some color in this gloomy bachelor pad."

"Thanks," her lips formed a thin smile. "They're really pretty. What are they?"

With the flowers taken from her hold, all that remained was a thin box held under Hanji's arm. Her other hand sat on her hip and push up a shrug. "I'm not sure actually—I told Mike to pick up the prettiest flowers he could find outside the wall. I never seen any like them before."

Cradling the bouquet like a new born infant, Mikasa sniffed the colorful weeds that would likely give me allergies and brushed one of the silky petals.

Noting that they're last longer in some water, I shoved myself between them and shuffled through the bottom cabinets for a suitable vase that would accommodate the flowers.

"It's not often you get to see any plants down here," I said, and tilted the vase under the faucet so that it could fill midway with water. "Everything down here dies. Except for mold. That shit has no problem growing."

"He's just pessimistic as ever," Hanji bumped into Mikasa playfully, and went on as if I wasn't two feet from them. "I remember he tried to keep that little Venus Fly Trap I gave him alive—poor thing didn't have a chance. Rest in peace, chompy."

After setting down the vase, I shook my wet hands at her. "Chompy...? You  _named_  it?"

"Of course I did. It was alive, wasn't it? Well, until  _you_  started taking care of it."

"It died because there's no sunlight, not because I'm that incapable of caring for living things." I flicked my thumb back. "These two brats are still alive, aren't they?"

As if to confirm their current status, she studied them long, nodding. "You have a point there—being a daddy must run naturally in your bloodstream~"

"Don't ever call me daddy again unless you're in bed with me."

Mikasa and I replaced spots and she neatly arranged the bouquet in the vase, and while Hanji giggled from my innuendo like she typically did, Eren's brows sunk over his bright puzzled eyes. It was the typical look he gave when the last remaining bits of innocence he possessed was leaking out.

"Wait, I don't get it. Why's that so funny?" He glanced at Hanji for answers, who was finally calming her amusement to listen to Eren, then his inquiring eyes flickered back to me. "Why is it okay for her to call you daddy in bed? Like if she's sick and you're taking care of her..?"

"Oh my God. Levi. He is so...  _precious._ " Seemingly tempted to squeeze Eren's cheeks, Hanji instead pinched her own as she boiled in his innocent aura.

Eren simply glanced between Hanji and I, wordlessly begging for answers. At times like this, I couldn't help but to compare him to a lost puppy. I sat beside him, side-glancing with smug smirk; that seemed to have sent him off the cliff of confusion.

Leaning over, the suggestive glint in my eyes brightened, "You know, Eren, you can call me daddy in bed too."

"Wh—"

Satisfied with how Eren choked on his own tongue and shut himself up for once, I smirked into my glass, intending to reward myself with a stiff shot, but it was pulled from me before I got the chance to wet my lips.

"You're confusing the children,  _daddy_." Hanji confiscated my booze, then swigged it down herself. My hand remained limp in the air as I blinked up at the theft shadowing over me. Looking at me uneasily with her cheeks puffed from the liquid, she finally swallowed hard.

"What? Mama needs to drink too. Besides, it seems to me you had enough this evening." She slammed the glass down and perked up. "Anywho! I think its time we get back on track with Mikasa's birthday, hm?"

Eren and I wore blank masks as Hanji tried stir the bland room into excitement—she failed horribly. Mikasa, finishing up the bouquet simply turned sat herself down at the table beside Eren. Her and I were alike in many respects—which implies she doesn't want unneeded attention for something as petty as a birthday. She's a bit of a wallflower, and enjoys sitting back and watching the world unfold around her. That, however, is never possible with someone nosy like Hanji around. This point was proven with the next topic Hanji decided to bring up, without warning, putting the poor timid girl on the spot.

"My little Mikasa is growing up so fast—now tell me, is there a special someone in your life now that you're a young adult~?"

Like a turtle retreating into its shell, she blushed and hid her face in her scarf, shaking her head.

"I'm surprised, a pretty girl like you should have the boys  _flocking_  to her."

"Psh, as if." Eren spat, draping an arm over the back of the chair cooly, his fist balling. It was if he wanted to punch a hole in the wall at the mere thought of Mikasa having admirers. "I'll kick their ass if they tried."

I previously decided to stay far out of this subject's range, but that's when I realized something; I wasn't too happy with the idea myself. "I'll back you back with that, Eren. I'm really not prepared for her to date either. I don't think anyone will be good enough in my eyes."

"Ditto—I almost feel bad for any guy that tries to woo her, 'cause there's no way they're getting through us."

There were many things Eren and I disagreed on, but when it came to Mikasa we wanted to keep her safe—and to keep a teenage girl safe, you must eliminate threats. Threats being: Teenage punks that wanted to break the hearts of pretty girls like Mikasa.

"Oh c'mon boys. Drop the brother-complex and let the girl mingle!" Hanji's low brows rose suddenly, her eyes lightened in recall. "Oh, that reminded me! I have another gift for you." She finally removed the package smothered between her arm and passed it to Mikasa.

The girl tilted her head at the box and went to move her hand to open the lid, but Hanji stopped her. With one hand on hers, Hanji lifted the other to her mouth in an attempt to block her words, but Hanji is, as always, unmistakably loud for her own good. "Don't open it around  _them_."

"What's the secret? Are severed limps in there? Dissected rats?" I recited the most plausible ideas that came to mind.

"None of your business. And you call  _me_  nosy."

"...C'mon, show us what's inside. We'll tell you what we gave Mikasa if you do." Eren backed me up with his own childish curiosity.

"Nothing, just girly stuff. You guys wouldn't be interested."

With that said, it's settled:  _I don't care_. If this gift is related to female matters, then I want no part in it. I learned my lesson in the past. I'm not suited for dealing with women affairs, or better yet, I just don't understand the concept.

I know as much about women as society knows about Titans; in other words, I don't know shit. And when you're a clueless guy like me raising a teenage girl, that could be dangerous.  _Very dangerous._

If it wasn't for Hanji, I don't know what I would have done. She helped me out a lot over the years with Mikasa. It's been a damn blessing, to say the least.

She was generous enough to take the girl bra shopping when she started to grow tits—God knows I couldn't survive through that without getting a stomach ulcer. Hanji was even considerate enough to take on a parental role the day Mikasa  _became a woman_.

Mikasa was foolish enough to go  _Eren_ (of all fucking people) about her concerns over her changing body, and he was stupid enough to think his sister was hemorrhaging and dying.

To my dismay, they went to  _me_  for answers. I blanked out completely. The horrible flashbacks of that day still sent shivers down my spine. Eren was panicking and Mikasa gave a thousand yard stare. I had my first out-of-body experience and stood between them, terrified as my consciousness faded and I soon saw my entire life flash before my eyes. The intimidating conversation awaiting couldn't be avoided—though luckily, I dodged the bullet—or better put, Hanji took the bullet for me.

She was there to step in and fill their inquires. First, she took Mikasa in private and explained the  _joys_  of womanhood. Eren's young mind was eased when she assured him that it was natural for women and it just meant that she was ready to bear children.

Eren and I both laughed it off later and agreed that Mikasa's not to get married or have children until we were senile or dead.

Hanji's a good role model in their life, when she wanted to be. She'd often settle some of Eren's curiosity about the Survey Corps. She gives him full details about all the things she's learned there and what her training regiment is like. She's a great female figure for Mikasa—she's always around guys like Eren and myself, so when they're together they end up doing girly shit together like painting each others nails and braiding their hair. The kids didn't have any friends (with the exception of the shady bunch Eren likes to dwell around with sometimes) but Hanji offered them some fresh company. For me, it was just nice to have an adult to talk to for a change.

Having Hanji around was fortunate. She understood Eren because she remembers how it felt to be a moody, confused boy and she also knows how it feels to be a growing woman like Mikasa. Maybe the title of "aunt" she earned wasn't too far-fetched. She  _did_  help me raise them quite a bit, as if they were her own blood. Although I have yet to thank her, I'm grateful for having her assistance. I'm sure she knew this without being vocal—her and I had that type of chemistry.

I was pulled back into the present by Eren's loud voice rupturing. That mouth of his looks so pretty until he actually opens it.

"I want some too!" He declared, raising his glass.

Quickly, I filled myself in on the situation—Hanji was pouring a small glass of wine to Mikasa and Eren wanted to get in on that. I didn't comment on the fact that Hanji was allowing her alcohol. There's two adults present for supervision, so nothing would get out of hand. Plus, Mikasa is a calm girl by nature and likely wouldn't be an angry drunk. Eren on the other hand—well, let's just say he doesn't need to drink to be an angry drunk.

"I wouldn't even let you have a sip. Mikasa's allowed only because it's her birthday." I said, and held up my own glass for a refill, but it soon fell back down on the table when Hanji decided to be rude and pass me up, filling her own glass first.

"That's not fair, you didn't let me drink on my birthday last year."

"That's because you're already dumb enough, I don't need you losing anymore brain cells."

Eren angrily pouted, trying to look intimating but his childish emotions got the best of his features. With the way his nose wrinkled, he looked like a cranky baby with a dirty diaper.

"If that's the case, it's a miracle you have any left yourself."

"What the fuck you say?"

"He has a point, Levi." Hanji agreed with the disrespectful brat and sat beside me finally, and I fussily grabbed the bottle from her hand and filled my own glass. Her eyes followed the wine up until it reached the rim. "You really should cut back on the drinking a bit."

"Blame  _him_. He's the reason I drink." I pointed to Eren and he lifted himself, palms slamming against the wooden surface. He inhaled a sharp breath, as if reading himself to shout across the table at me—but I cut him off. "The last time I tried to cut back, this troublemaker was dragged home by an anger parent because he broke his son's arm. Then  _I_ had to go and break the  _fathers_  arm just to shut him the fuck up. I try to live a peaceful life, but this idiot frustrates me." I tipped my glass to her and chugged down a mouthful. "And  _that_  is why I stay off the wagon, Hanji."

Hanji shook her head with disappointment. "So how I'm seeing it, Eren needs anger management, and you need some classes on parenting. Levi, you're  _not_ suppose to do the same exact thing your kid gets in trouble for in the first place. That's setting a bad example. Next time something like that happens, just talk to the parent and try to figure out why your children are having differences."

What is she, a life coach now? Now I remember why I hate that she considers herself their aunt—she takes the role way too seriously. I was forced into becoming a "parent" and this nutjob probably uses the scenario as a social experiment.

"Do you really think I have time to sit down and have tea with every angry parent that bashes down my door? It's not my job to discuss Eren's inability to get along with people."

"But by breaking someone's arm, that makes you just as guilty as Eren."

"Sometimes people need to be physically punished to learn their place. I'm not saying he's wrong in that respect, it's just frustrating when he gets _me_ involved."

"...You're both two peas in a pod."

Eren and I just sent dirty looks at each other across the table, not sure how to take that because it sure as hell wasn't a compliment.

Mikasa on the other hand could care less about this petty exchange between the three of us. She entertained herself by cutting a piece of cake and judging by her expression, she took a risky bite—but her uncertain cringe soon popped to delight.

"It's good—Levi helped you make this, didn't he?" She blinked on Eren simply, the fork lingering in her mouth as if she wanted to suck off every last remaining crumb.

Eren paused in cutting his own piece. "Wha—How did you figure that out so fast?!"

"Like I said, it  _taste_ _s_ _good_ , that's why."

I just want to make it clear right here and now—Mikasa totally gets her sassy comebacks from me. I'm claiming  _full_ credit of that and I couldn't be more proud of her.

With a frown, Eren let his head fall in his hand and stabbed the spongy cake aggressively—probably while imagining it's me.

But Mikasa soon picked up his mood with a friendly nudge. "Oh stop it, I can still taste your  _love_."

The simple gesture seemed to have built up his spirit. The corner of his lip hooked up, looking at her with softly eyes. Mikasa smiled back at him as she rubbed his back in appreciation.

"Ohoo..." Hanji nudged me, repeatedly, trying to get the attention she already had. I considered nudging her back hard enough to knock her off the chair and leave a bruise as a reminder  _not to fucking nudge me_. But my threatening thoughts were diminished by a playful whisper. "Look at how  _cute_ they are. I think these two might make you some grandchildren soon..."

We all let out a sharp  _"huh?"_  in unison.

"...Or not." She shrank back from all the stares pinning to her.

From the outside, Eren and Mikasa really did look like the ideal couple. Hanji wasn't wrong to assume there was something between them—even I became suspicious of their relationship a few times. They were incredibly close and shared a loving bond. Though, their feelings didn't rest with each other. To someone on the outside, their relationship could be quite the riddle to solve, but I think I recently cracked it thanks to Mikasa's explanation the other day.

They weren't exclusively siblings or friends or lovers, but their emotions came close to all three. Simply put, they shared platonic love for one another and cared for the other immensely.

But of course their relationship was far from perfect, but those flaws and differences were vital components for a healthy relationship. Simply put, there were some things they  _absolutely_  couldn't stand about each other.

"That's disgusting, Eren. Knock it off." Mikasa scoffed at him after he rudely belched without even excusing himself, and I couldn't agree with her more. What a disgusting slob.

"Watch your manners," I joined in, "See,  _this_  is why you don't have a girlfriend."

"...I'm pretty sure I don't have a girlfriend for other reasons."

That's right. Now it's all coming back to me. Getting crushes on older men might prevent someone from getting a lady friend.

"Oh shush, Levi. He'll meet a nice girl one of these days," Hanji assured. "Someone who likes him for he is, gross quirks and all. You won't have any trouble finding a girl like that. Especially with a cute face like yours."

"No Hanji, I really wont." He chuckled down at his plate. I stared at him knowingly.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, you're still young. You have your whole life to find a girl."

"Yeah but... " Eren's face scrunched, an uncertain smirk appearing. "I'm... not really into girls."

Hanji, for the first time since she arrive (let's be real, probably the first time in her life) became completely silent. I basked in the air of quietness and Hanji's sweet confusion until her mouth opened again. It was a refreshing moment while it lasted.

"Did...Did Eren just randomly come out of the closet...?" She said carefully, not believing her own words. She showed a rare emotion of puzzlement. A few long seconds passed. "...Um, hello? Are we not going to talk about this new information?!"

"I knew all along that Eren liked boys." Mikasa added simply.

"Yeah, it isn't exactly new news. So what, Eren likes guys. What's to talk about?"

"And you all didn't  _tell_   _me_?!"

Shitty-glasses needs to settle down. Always getting in others business. As if Eren sexuality is relevant to her.

Knowing we all decided not to comment on it, she went on with the conversation herself. "Okay let me rephrase what I said: you're going to find a nice  _boy_ _friend_  one day."

"I know that." His head ducked low to hide the shy smile he wore as he absentmindedly played the unfinished cake on his plate.

"Oho,  _now_  you sound confident! Do you crush on someone already?"

"He does."

" _Shut up,_  Mikasa." Eren roared through his teeth, warning her.

"Uwa! No way! Who is he? Did you meet him down here? Does he know you like him?"

Great. Now he's being interrogated. Good luck wiggling out of that, Eren. Hanji doesn't back down when it comes to gossip. If there's one thing I learned about Hanji is that she loves talking about relationships and getting right in the center of the action.

"Enough, leave the kid alone." I interrupted her flow of questions. Not because I didn't enjoy Eren being annoyed and flustered, but because she was giving me a headache.

"I'm with Hanji on this. I want to hear more about Eren's crush."

Eren and I simultaneously sent a deadly glare at Mikasa. She knows damn well who this  _crush_ is and all the details you can imagine. Granted, she still didn't know the current circumstances between Eren and I, hell, I don't even know, but now is hardly the time to get into that.

"Alright, alright. I'll shut up before someone blows a fuse. But best of luck to you, Eren. I hope everything works out with him."

"Thanks...I hope so too."

**~x~**

It's funny how a person like myself, who once saw Hanji was a creepy annoyance, valued her has a good friend now. Her and I are as close as ever. Even though her life as become busier between her training in the Survey Corps and spending time with her boyfriend, she hangs out down here with us any chance she gets.

Often enough, she claims this house as her second home when she sleeps over and claims the couch as her own. When she's not taking over the household, her and I still get shit-faced and talk about every inappropriate topic you can imagine.

Our sex lives are nonexistent, so when we go out we pass the time sharing screwed up fantasies with each other, most about her and Mike and macrophilia (yeah, she's into that weird shit) and I'd hold back on most of my actual sick fantasies, like those involving Eren. Somehow the topic always ends with me really drunk and reminding her that we should have sex. Friends could fuck. This is what the fuck buddy system was created for. Too bad Hanji isn't a believer of said system. Damn wasted shame.

Rest assured, our relationship is completely platonic and even though I joke around I wouldn't have it any other way. Dare I say it, she truly is a great friend, and if it wasn't for us emotionally understanding each other, I'd wonder why the hell she chooses to hang around with me.

We're the classic case of opposites attract, but at the same time we can have conversations without saying a word. We're that much in sync with each other. Hanji knows when I'm bullshitting her or in a pissy mood, and I know when one of her gaskets are going to blow and she needs to be offered a penny for her thoughts.

I wouldn't ask for anything else in a friend because she has it all.

By the end of our little birthday gathering, Mikasa got a bit too tipsy and was talking up a storm, slurring as she did. It seems like she had some fun and got loose, though, so no harm done there. Eren made sure she got tucked into bed safely, then retired upstairs for the evening, leaving Hanji and myself alone to catch up and continue our drinking

Hanji stood before the mantel, warming up her palms near the fire, but they soon clapped together and she closed her eyes for a while and paid her respects to the three urns on the mantel. Although this ritual of hers means a lot to me, I told her on a few occasions she didn't need to do that every time she came over, but she always insisted. Now I just let her do her thing without interruption.

Seated on the couch, I pulled up my knees to my chest, bitter memories drifting close to the surface. Hanji plopped next to me, her back to me and head rested on my shoulder as her ankles crossed over the arm rest.

"Did you finally wear yourself out?" I asked.

"Psh, by what? I didn't do anything but eat and drink today."

"And talk. And talk. Oh, and don't forget talk."

"You didn't seem to mute yourself, bud." She lifted the rim of the glass in hand to her lips, giggling to herself. "I missed this—I feel like I barely get to see you guys anymore."

"It's only been two months. And you wrote to me every week."

"It still feels like an eternity when I'm away from my little family. But duty calls, so it can't be helped."

"How's training going, anyway?"

"Ah, still excruciating. I thought they'd give us a break, being so close to graduation and all. But nope, they want to wear us down to the bone."

Hanji complained about the training quite a bit in her letters—when she's not blabbing page fulls about her classes and what she learned about the Titans. I'd often skim through those parts—but it was always nice to hear from her, and know she was doing well during the months I couldn't see her.

It still surprised me that she hadn't moved on with her new life completely; she still made time for the kids and I. I wasn't expecting that when she finally entered the military, but I learned that Hanji's not the type to leave people behind.

She's not even authorized to come this far from the military base, but she bypassed that law by saying she needs to check up on her aging father in her free time. Of course, she does, but her visits with him don't last very long and she spends the time with me instead.

Since she decided to fill his spot and join the Survey Corps, her father is beyond proud of her—but he's proud of his  _son_. He still hasn't accepted her for who she really is. Apart of me wants to meet this man and shake some sense into him, but some people are too far gone in their ignorance.

"I can't wait to be done with this tedious training already and get out there. I'm so excited—not only do I get to see  _real Titan's,_  but I get to fight alongside my boyfriend. Pretty romantic, wouldn't you say?"

I wouldn't call myself the romantic-type in any way—I don't even know what  _is_  considered romantic, but that sure as hell wasn't a good example of it, I'm sure.

"Just...be careful." Realizing too late that my words came out more sappy than planned, I covered them up, "I mean, I know how you are with Mike—you'll probably have your eyes on him and forget your in Titan territory."

"Heuheu, you got me there—ah, I like him even  _more_  than Titan's~!"

Is that even a compliment?

"Wouldn't it be so sexy to make love outside the wall? UGH! I would die to do that with him. Now _that_  would be an awesome way for me to lose my virginity." She collapsed down weakly, her head landing into my lap as she squirmed with a ridiculous look on her face.

"Then do it. You're a little old to be still calling yourself a virgin anyway. You're so sex crazed—I don't even know how you lasted this long without snapping." I just realized what I said. "Oh my God, I just realized why you're crazy. You need to get  _laid._  It all makes sense now."

"Oh hush. You  _know_  why I can't do it yet."

I slapped my gaze down at her, exasperated. " _What?_  I thought you said you were going to tell him soon. You're telling me he  _still_ doesn't know about your dick?"

"...Of course he does."

A presented her with a crooked brow as her greasy head rubbed against my thigh. "...Then why are you shaking your head  _no_?"

"Okay, you got me! He doesn't know yet!" Ashamed, she cupped hands over her face. "I'm still afraid I'll scare him off."

"Hanji, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret." At that, her peeled herself up, her legs bending under her as she sat inches from my face like an eager dog waiting for a treat. "Mike has been going out with you for almost four years without getting an ounce of sex. Now call me crazy, but I think that makes it pretty clear he doesn't give a damn about what's in you pants and cares about  _you_."

"You make it seem like we're totally abstinent. We still screw around, we just don't have sex, is all."

"Please, enlighten me how you  _screw around_  while hiding a stiff one in your pants."

"Well, I do have tits for him to play with—and I give him blow jobs."

I reclined back, almost impressed. "Well you must give  _amazing-fucking-blowjobs_  if he's stuck around this long."

"Oh I do, Levi. I do." She took on an unexpected strict tone. Looks like she takes blowjobs very seriously. Now that's what you call a good catch. Too bad Mike got to her first.

"Hm. Just your tits alone would keep me around too, so I don't blame the guy." I let my eyes fall on her chest. "Have I told you lately that you have fantastic tits?"

"Only every time we meet~" She smirked, satisfied with the redundant compliment. "Sometimes Mike catches onto my generosity, though, and he'll want to return the favor but I'm just internally screaming _'Why don't I have a vagina?_ _'_."

"Why  _don't you_  have a vagina yet? What's the hold up?"

"Well, for one, I can't get any time off while training to get it done, and also...I want to tell him _before_  I get the operation. I want him to accept me no matter what's between my legs. I feel if I get the surgery,  _then_  tell him, I won't get a genuine response...It sounds selfish, I know."

"No, it's not. After all the time you been together, you deserve to have him want you regardless if you have a dick or a pussy, seems only fair to me."

She let her head fall on my shoulder again, nuzzling me. " _This_  is why you're the bestest friend I've ever had."

"You're drunk. Or you just live a really sad life if that's true."

"Hey, give yourself some credit."

"You know, the kids always say that to me too."

"Then you should listen to them. They're smart."

"Are we talking about the same kids here, or am _I_  getting too drunk?" I stared questionably into my own glass, trying to count up the number of refills I had.

"Shut it, you know you're a softie when it comes to them. You  _wove_  them to pieces, admit it."

I shivered, disgusted by her false assumption. I wouldn't scoop so low and admit such a thing. I care for them, sure, but Hanji's exaggerating as usual.

"So!" Slapping her knees, she bounced up, intending to change the topic, likely because of the dirty look I sent her. "Let's talk about you. You still single? I bet you're still single."

She asked this constantly, and I always gave her a solid yes in return. She was more surprised than me to find out I haven't even hooked up with anyone in all these years—but even so, she still asked, hoping I'd reveal something juicy.

It was time for a change of pace. I rolled my eyes and huffed out a "Sort of."

" _Sort of_? Whoa whoa _whoa_. Back up." Oh boy, here it comes. A change of pace wasn't such a good idea after all. "What the hell does  _sort of_ mean? You either are or you aren't. There is no such thing as  _sort of_."

"Forget it, it's not as exciting as it seems."

"Tell me!" She pounced on me, nearly causing my drink to spill.

"Oi, settle down."

"Not until you tell me! Are you seeing someone?"

"No."

"Okay...Are you hooking up with someone?" She gasped. "You're...You're not back with Erwin, are you?"

"No—and quit it, I feel like I'm playing twenty fucking questions."

"If you want me to stop, then tell me. If not, I'll keep you up all night with guessing until I get it right."

I let my head fall back, the back of the couch supporting my neck. I sighed to the ceiling as I deliberated the worst that could happen if I did fill her in on my current 'love life'. Ew. No. Scratch that. I'm never calling it that again.

"If it will get you to shut up, I'll tell you, but you can't freak out."

"Uh..." She grinned, uneasily. "Why would I—"

"I'm going on a date with Eren."

My words exploded through the room, nothing but white noise rung our ears for a few long moments. If it wasn't for me internally cursing myself for letting booze give my lips bravery, then all I would hear now would be the cackling fire and the small, cut off squeaks coming from Hanji quivering lips.

" _L-_ _L_ _evi,_ " she finally managed to force out.

"I know, don't say it."

"He's...He's barely  _fifteen_."

"Like I said, don't freak out."

Fifteen. That really is young now that I'm saying it out loud. Disgusting. I am disgusting. And slightly horny.

She scooted back, giving herself some breathing room. Her feet were planted on the floor, hands loosely by her sides as she slowly reclined back. Her eyes darted aimlessly with her jaw unhinged, but the gap was filled with an uneasy chuckle.

"I-I was not expecting that," she laughed softly again, shaking her head. "Shit...I swear, I'd call you an old pervert right now if this was any one else—but I suppose you guys are close... But wait.  _Wait._ " She nearly choked on her own realization. "What Eren was talking about earlier at the table...The crush?! That's  _you_?!"

"Stop making a big deal out of this."

"Oh I'm going to make a big deal out of it alright!"

She was trying desperately to wrap her head around this, skipping from excitement to confusion in the matter of seconds. All I could do is look at her with sympathy because I knew far too well how confusing this topic could be. Eren and I with a date in the mix is a frustrating concept to understand, I didn't even understand it myself.

"But—why  _Eren_  all of a sudden? I know you guys have been inseparable for a long time, but you really want to  _date_  him now?"

"Not necessary date—we're just going on  _a date_. I'm not saying he's going to be my  _boyfriend_ —fuck no, I don't think I can commit myself to a real relationship."

For one, I never been in one, so I doubt someone my age could even handle a healthy relationship at this point. "I'm expanding my horizons, you can say."

"With teenagers?"

Well of course I sound like an old pervert if you put it that way.

"Can we put age aside for the time being? Listen, I'm well aware that Eren is still very immature, but he's wiser than me at times. He's one of those people that just  _say_  and  _do_  the right things at the right moment—not always but when it actually counts, you know what I mean. He just—" Weakly, I sighed, defeated. I didn't even know where I was going with this explanation. "He makes me happy, I guess. And he's hot— _and_ I want to fuck him. There, I said it."

"Holy shit Levi." She shook her head in disbelief at me, then poked at my cheek. I nearly bit her finger off out of reflex. "I  _never_  saw you with that kind of look before."

"What look." All emotion was drained from my face: my bodies natural reaction to that kind of comment.

"I think—I think you actually _like_  him. Who knew. I sure as hell wouldn't have ever guessed."

" _Like_  is a loose term. Of course I  _like_  him—I wouldn't have put up with his shit all these years if I didn't, but I just don't know how much I like him yet. I may regret taking him on a date, but I need to settle some personal shit for myself. I'm hoping if we go somewhere, just the two of us, we can just talk and get some stuff in order. We've been kind of neglecting our emotions for a long time now."

"Mhmm. In other words you're interested, that tells me  _everything_  I need to know." Fully infested now, she scooted closer, her arm slithered over the back of my shoulders. Gross.

"So, tell me more details about this little tryst. I bet it's going to be... _magical._ "

"It's not a  _tryst_. We're going out on Eren's birthday. Nothing special."

"Where are you bringing him?"

"...It's a secret."

She gave me a look. "Maybe  _to him_. But you can tell me."

"I don't know..." I studied her with squinting eyes. "You're too gossipy to keep a secret."

Her glasses fell to the tip of her nose, her big brown eyes peered at me over the frames. "Levi, I've been hiding a secret in my pants from my boyfriend for four years now."

"Touché."

I motioned my finger to her, urging her to come closer. Eren was likely deep asleep right now, but he was still above us and close in ear shot, so I ensured my words wouldn't be heard by whispering into Hanji's ear.

She pulled away from me, her mouth dropped and brows sunk. I couldn't read her expression and anxiety swelled up in me.

"What...would that be a crappy date?" My low self esteem decided to pay me a visit. Honestly, I just came up with it a few hours ago without any thought put into it. Plus I have no idea what a date is actually suppose to be like so there's a good chance it's not actually a good idea. At least Hanji is known to give her honest opinion, she would tell me if it's an awful idea or not. With the expression she gave, I might be back to square one.

She reclaimed her posture with a thoughtful look. ""No—no not at all. That's actually—how can I put this?" She tapped her lip. "You're either batshit insane, or you're secretly a hopeless romantic."

More like a hopelessly insane person. I really couldn't think of anything else. Even if he hates it, I still get points for the surprise element.

"Really though, do that. But Levi—just for future reference, dates usually mean just bringing someone out to dinner. But this is good—not traditional, that's for sure. I'm sure it will be a memorable birthday for him."

"It better be or else it would be a complete waste of time." Maybe it was just all the booze I consumed today finally catching up, but my head was swimming and doubts started floating to the surface. "I don't know—I have no clue what I'm doing with him or what I'm getting myself into. You were right, though. He really is young. That's part makes me hesitant."

She waved my concern away. "Nah. Now that I think about it, age of consent in the walls is fifteen anyways. Most royals are getting ready to wed by his age. Still, who knew you were a cradle robber. Never would've guessed."

"One more dig and your glasses go _straight_  up your ass."

"No need to threaten my anal virginity, you sexual deviant." I'm going to fucking hurt her. "In all seriousness, it's fine so long as Eren is consenting and likes you back. It's not a big issue, it's not like he'll tell the police an older man is preying him...Is that what you're worried about?"

"No. It's not like that. I'm just worried he's not thinking straight  _because_  he's so young. I consented to a lot of shit that seemed right at the time when I was younger, but realized they were horrible decisions when I get older. I don't want to be a regrettable memory to him."

"How could you be? You and him had your ups and downs, but overall life has been happy between you guys. I don't see why he'd regret it—even if the relationship doesn't hold out that's how life is. You can't predict the future, after all. If you could then everyone wouldn't go through trial and error stage and just skip to where they marry the one they're meant to be with." She gave herself a moment to organize her thoughts and I took that time to take an unneeded drink. "What I'm trying to say is,  _right now_  is what matters. He likes you, and you like him in your own way. See where it goes. If you both think it doesn't feel right down the line, then whatever, call it off. At least you could both say you tried and not wonder  _what if_."

"I guess. See, here's another kicker though. On the contrary, I'm also worried his feelings  _are_  genuine. Like, what if he really wants to be serious?"

"Uh...You really are drunk." Leaning over, she pushed the wine bottle out of my reach. "If that's the case, then go steady with him. That's a  _good_  thing, not something you worry about. Seriously Levi, this is teenybopper shit. It's not complicated."

Hanji doesn't get it. It's not that simple for me. For her, going steady with someone is a positive outcome; her long time relationship with her boyfriend proves that. But I've never dated anyone before. Never had a boyfriend, girlfriend, never thought of getting married or having children. I never even went on a date before.

But if Eren really wanted to be serious; actually go for the long haul with me—then it might not end well. Someone like me will just break his heart unintentionally. I like Eren. I think he's a good kid. He's attractive. I'd love to do kinky shit with him—but him owning the title as my boyfriend scares the shit out of me. It goes beyond just trust or commitment issues. I just  _am_  an issue and I'm not really compatible with romantic relationships.

Complication is not my forte, and I'd rather keep a simple relationship with him and just have some casual sex without anything changing—but that's not up to me to decide. There's so many ways this could play out. Either Eren will get too serious and I'll back out like a coward, or he'll grow up to realize he made a mistake, leaving me feeling like a dirty old man that took advantage of a kid. Or, if I want to think up  _unlikely_  scenarios, Eren and I will go steady in a serious relationship for years to come, mutually pleased with that.

I doubt it. I'm too much of a fuck up to manage anything normal like that.

I don't even know how I feel about the kid yet. I have a rough idea but I keep going back and forth with it. I'm also a selfish prick that never had to emotionally support a partner before. Though, that might come natural—I do care about Eren, so I do want to protect him and keep him company. Getting some of that in return would take getting used to, but the concept itself isn't completely terrible.

No matter what angle I look at it, though, it comes back to me feeling not good enough. Eren's no prize package—he's an emotional, sloppy brat. However, after all these years of forcing him to settle for less than he deserved, I imagined him having a partner that would be worthy, and I don't think I fit into place with that expectation.

I'm an insecure wreck that's been damaged in so many ways beyond repair. In many ways, I'm broken and used up. Someone fresh and young like Eren should have a shiny new toy to play with that didn't malfunction constantly and need tuning up.

I have a lot of issues—everything from the way I see myself, the bitter outlook I have and my dishonorable past—all of these things made me into quite a pathetic excuse of a human. What Eren saw in me will always be a mystery. This is what makes me skeptical. On one hand, I secretly  _hope_  he see's me as someone special so I don't become a bad memory for him one day that he'll regret. But I also don't want his feelings to be genuine, because I'm not sure if I'm good enough or even ready to return them.

"You might be drunk...but you definitely need a refill." Hanji's light pat on my back pushed me out of my dispiriting rut. I must have zoned out long enough for her to notice.

"More like I need the whole bottle." Propping my elbow up on the armrest, I nursed my throbbing head in hand.

"One full bottle of wine coming up." She reached over to the wine bottle on the coffee table and refilled my glass, but stopped the flow before reaching the tip. With a thought-provoked expression, she turned to me seriously. "But really, Levi... you're thinking too deep into this. No one knows everything at once. Not when it comes to love. It's such an illogical sensation. A person like me that needs rational explanation really couldn't comprehend it at first, but when you stop trying to figure it out, that's when it starts making sense. When Mike and I first got together, I kept thinking I wasn't good enough, because he deserved a pretty girl that didn't keep secrets from him—and you know, he said something one night that helped me come to terms with myself. He asked me why someone as _great_  as me was with some weird guy like him. And that's when I realized that falling for someone isn't a choice. No matter how much you try to predict or change the outcome, it isn't up to you in the end. It's actually up to fate, as corny as it sounds. If fate wants you and Eren together, it will happen regardless of what you think. I know you're a control freak, but I'm sorry to say this is just out of your hands. Sit back and enjoy the ride. There's lots of ups and downs, but it's worthwhile in the end. I promise."

"Are you fucking done talking yet? Geez, you talk even  _more_  when you're drunk." Ruining the mood like the asshole I am, I ripped the glass from her hand and emptied it with one gulp. I acted as if I didn't pay any mind to her rambling, but I let every word glue to my brain. "Always with the damn speeches. Tch."

"That's it, I give up! Stay alone and miserable forever."

Her smirk widened as she started to laugh, and I nearly smiled at the obnoxious sound she made.

"...Thanks, Hanji."

"Anytime."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The date is so close I can taste it. Heu heu~ The next chapter will start with something quite unexpected...I don't want to say smut, but...it's kinda/sorta smut... Involving Ereri, but not really so don't get your hopes up because it's not what you think. It's basically just a cock-tease -coughs- literally. I'll shut up now and stop being vague and confusing. .-.
> 
> There will also be some bonding between Eren and Mikasa because those two don't spend enough of alone time together. Also, Commander Handsome is gonna come in to say hello! n_n


	20. Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexual tension is evident, but Levi still can't bring himself to follow through with what his body desires. That doesn't stop the boys from having fun with themselves, though. Later, they figured a night apart would help settle some of their anxieties, but now they're even more nervous about their future plans just around the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my longest chapter yet—but it feels really short to me for some reason? Does anyone remember when my chapters used to be like 3-5k long? Pff yeah me neither. Anywho! There's a little treat for you guys to hold you all over~ (and me...especially me). Just a heads up, there is some full-blown Ereri smut just in reach so look forward to lots and lots of sex in the near future. Like, a lot. I have so much to make up for and I fully intend to get it all out of my system.
> 
> I should also make a quick note here: This chapter and chapters to come will have some modern(?) references. This isn't inaccuracies, I'm just one of those people who believe the canon story takes place in the future, so I think that certain stories, songs, traditions, etc were passed down and still exist in their timeline. Just thought I should mention that. :x

A comfortable numbness sedated my body as I climbed up the stairs with heavy dependence of the railing. I might've had one too many—or five too many—I'm not sure, I lost count after the first bottle of wine emptied.

Once I conquered the stairs, I was welcomed by a lump of uncovered flesh rested on the mattress, hugging a drool drenched pillow. I couldn't help but wonder how Eren didn't get cold being in nothing more than thin pajama pants with no blanket around him. I'm almost envious. There he is laying half-naked, completely unaffected my the temperature while I'm dreading the _thought_  of removing my clothes because of the evident chill in the room. But I'd never sleep comfortably in what I'm currently wearing. I'd have to persevere and temporarily let the cold assault my bare skin.

Reluctantly, I pulled my blouse up and struggled to free my head for a moment. I forgot to loosen a button near the collar, but finally escaped without a drunken panic. I tossed the shirt into the hamper and whipped off my belt, accidentally dropping it. The buckle rang against the hard flooring and I peered over my shoulder, wondering if that disturbed Eren's slumber.

Stirring only briefly, his lips smacked together and his even breathing returned. His eyes were still fastened shut and projecting a dream. As if caught in a trance, I kept observing his calm features and relaxed muscles. A few rapid blinks broke the spell.

In the most uncoordinated way you can imagine, I went back to undressing myself. I nearly lost my balance and fell on my face while removing my socks, only to realize that my struggles could have been avoidable if I just sat down to take them off. With that said, I'm pretty sure now that my refill count is closer to ten. This pathetic scene went on, (luckily I was the only one to witness it) until I finally managed to get some warm night-clothes on.

Sighing, I sat heavily into the mattress and unlatched the band of my watch; which displayed four hands according to my double-vision vision. Setting it on the nightstand, I scooted up and sunk into bed, my head spinning from the sudden shift. I let out a comfortable huff.

"Levi?" Startled from his sleep, Eren popped a teary eye open at me and pushed his head up to look around, his messy hair sticking to the pillow. "What time is it?"

"Late. Did I wake you up?"

Relining back down, he shook his head with a groggy, "nu-uh". That made it clear that I did indeed wake him up. I furled toward him, tucking my cold hands beneath the pillow.

"Did Hanji go home?" he asked, his voice still raspy.

"Yeah."

"It's nice she came over. I like when she visits."

"Yeah."

The gap between us suddenly became noticeable. Ever since we've been so close while we slept lately, it felt off when we were even a few inches from each other. I guess you can say we got used to that reestablished tradition again real fast.

"Are you cold?"

"...Yeah."

He frowned. "You okay?"

I opened my lips, but he spoke first with a snicker, "Let me guess,  _yeah_?"

"Shut it. I'm tired. And drunk—and freezing."

With his arms expanded and welcoming me, I scudded toward him and he moved across the mattress and met me half-way in the center. Eren came in for the rescue by slithering around me, tugging me snugly into the curves of his body.

Reaching for the blanket, he pulled it up over us and made sure I was tucked in properly. He can be a real pain in the ass sometimes, but he really is considerate.

"Did I fixed one problem?" There was a smile in his voice.

My forehead nodded against his chest, and I moved my head up to look at him directly.

Maybe I am thinking too much like Hanji said. I could definitely get used to this—laying this close to Eren, his body heat warming me up, staring into those beautiful eyes.

That sounded  _so_   _fucking_ cheesy. Ew. What, am I in some bottom shelf romance novel?

Still, what I said is the truth, as disgusting as that truth may be.

"Oh, by the way—I found out what Hanji gave Mikasa for her birthday, thought you'd be interested."

My jaw stiffened to trap a yawn, but it came out anyway. I huddled closer, intending to get comfortable for when I  _can_  go to sleep—but I won't be departing for my dreams as quickly as I hoped. Eren is and always will be very talkative when he first wakes up.

"Oh yeah? What'd she get?" I tried to show a little interest in my voice, but the second yawn riddled in my words made me sound completely bored.

"...A dress." He replied simply. Blinking, I took a moment to filter what he said—I prepared myself for much worse. I didn't know how to react to that.

"That's all it was? I wonder why she tried to hide it from us."

"It could have something to do with me mistaking it for a  _shirt_ at first because of how short it is..."

I knew that preparation I made beforehand wasn't in vain.

I sealed my eyes shut. "For Christ sake. What is she trying to accomplish by giving her something like that?" My fatigue was set to the side temperately. Annoyance boosted my energy for the time being.

"There was a letter inside the box saying ' _every girl needs a tiny black dress for their first date'_. Ugh..."

I groaned right along with him. "Throw that thing out when you get the chance. We'll get her a more suitable dress another day."

"She said she'd never wear it anyway, Mikasa's very modest that way."

"I hope you're right. I still say we throw it out as a precaution."

"Hanji would probably throw a fit. Just let it collect dust in the closet."

"Fine, but if she wears that thing out and she gets wooed by some no-good thug, it's your job to kick his ass."

"My pressure."

I let out a quick chuckle and he soon joined in. But abruptly, the amusement in my voice withered when I dreaded realization popped in my head. "...You're both growing up fast."

His nose crimped before forcing his lips into a curve. "You sound sad about it, it's a good thing."

"Not really. Mikasa's going to date soon whether we like it or not—and you, well, you're pretty much the same. But at the rate you're growing, you're going to turn into a Titan."

"I'm not  _that_  tall."

"You will be."

Eren looked almost surprised to hear me say that and I instantly regretted being responsible for that smug smirk on his lips.

"Well for future reference, I'll be sure not to squish you under my feet~"

"Asshole." I biffed him on the bicep and for a moment we battled beneath the blanket, all while he laughed in pain. I won, and Eren got his revenge by clutching me painfully tight, but I saw that as a reward for my victory.

We stayed motionless like that for a while until my doubts broke the mood. I could see why Eren see's growing up a good thing—it's exciting and when your his age you have a million possible doors you could go through, but for me, all my doors were shut (really, I locked myself out of most of them and threw away the keys).

There's only one more door open for me right now; the last remaining door that shed some hope and made it clear that I wasn't trapped.

"It's just—you're both going to leave me someday." And when they do, that final door will shut on me like its done hundreds of times before.

When my friends first died, I believed all the doors closed on me for good. I was trapped again, trapped in the same way I was before I attempted suicide—they welcomed me inside that time, but just as fast as it opened it closed again.

But then Eren knocked and that door has been opened ever since. As selfish as it sounds, I never want it to shut—but I'm wise enough to know that's only wishful thinking.

"Levi..."

Not expecting him to call my name, I moved my eyes up to him. Immediately, he took hold of my face, mashing my cheeks together firmly. He kept his hands there despite my efforts to draw back. I'm well-aware that I'm saying some weird shit because I'm intoxicated, but I hoped he'd pass it off as drunken rambling—I hadn't expected that stern gaze he's planting on me right now.

"Why do you think we're going to leave you?"

It sounded like a joke. It's natural order for me. "Of— _Of course_  you're going to _leave_. C'mon." Escaping his hard glare, I tried to utter a chuckle to sound casual, but that only made it sound even more phony and pathetic than planned. "It's normal. Either you'll both get married or join the military or—"

"First of all," he cut me off, "you don't have to worry about me getting married. And even if we do start our adult lives, that doesn't mean we're just going to abandon you forever. I'll always be here with you, regardless of what I decide to do with my life."

"Please," the plea slipped out on its own, "...don't make promises you can't keep."

Ashamed, I blindfolded my eyes with my hand, but my wrist was quickly cuffed by Eren's hand and I was forced to look at his peeved eyes darting right on me.

"I know you're a little sensitive from drinking right now, but I honestly hope you don't mean that. I wouldn't lie to you, you should know this by now. I never once made an empty promise. It may take a while, but I still hold the promise I made as a kid: I'm going to make you happy. I can't do that if I leave you, right?"

With hostility, I shook my wrist until I broke free. My balled fist punched the pillow and my eyes were sealed as tight as my lips. I'm trying not to send out a rude retort after he gave me solace, but I wanted to tell him I didn't believe him, but at the same time I did—and a part of me wanted to call him stupid for holding back for the sake of some old washed-up thug. There were so many things I wanted to say at once, but I ended up saying nothing.

A warm caress melted my tense fist. I opened my eyes in time to see Eren's fingers gently (but forcefully) intertwining with mine. My eyes followed as our conjoining hands were brought to his chest. For the time being, the reoccurring thumps against the back of my hand brought me calmness. He has such a strong heartbeat.

His forehead pressed against mine and he squeezed my hand tighter. I just noticed how his body molded to accommodate mine perfectly—we fit together as well as we did years ago. Our nose brushed against each others and he reopened his eyes at this. We stared at the close range for a while, our lashes fluttering and brushing together.

Those fucking eyes always end up taking my breath away; I never even saw them this close before. I'm noticing all kinds of fine, tiny details now that I haven't before. I couldn't look away, not even after he did to carefully watch the air traveling between my lips.

His pupils dilated. My heart sunk as his lids soon hooded with intent. With his cheeks so close to mine it was hard to tell which one of us was causing that heat between our faces, but I had a shameful hunch that I was blushing just as much as Eren. I compressed his hand until my knuckles went numb as he nudged his chin closer until our lips were centimeters apart.

" _E_ _ren._ "

"W-What?" he shouted directly in my face.

"...No." I mustered up a strict tone and heaved my head back, but I'm honestly in shock from what he was about to do—it hasn't even hit me yet. The fact I spoke up at all and didn't go through with it was the  _real_  shocker, though.

"I-I'm sorry—" Red tinted his entire face. A scarce amount of tears built up in the outer corners of his eyes. I almost wanted to apologize for sending him on a bumpy emotional ride—but he's the one who added in an unnecessary turn. "Honestly I was _just_  about to ask if it would be alright. I-I wouldn't have done it without your permission."

Ask permission? What the hell was he going to say?  _'Can I kiss you_ _'?_

...Now I wish I waited a few more seconds before backing out. I would've liked to hear that.

"Lame." My fucking heart is beating so fast and a dizzy-spell dispensed right into my head. I was even  _shaking_ , and I was too hot to blame it on being cold. Hopefully pissing him off will avert his attention from that.

"Oh, so I'm lame when I'm being respectful and asking for consent but I'm an ungrateful brat when I don't show respect. You're just a little contradiction."

I held my head from the whiplash of emotions. He could have said it with a better attitude, but he's right. I shouldn't have said that. I gave the impression that it's lame to ask permission—even though I find it quite tedious, asking consent is an important rule to drill into teenage boys. I shouldn't have teased him for doing the right thing.

"Forget what I said. I'm just... not ready for  _that_  yet. If anyone is lame it's me."

A hard chortle later, he pushed aside some loose stains from my forehead. " _No._  No one is lame. I understand."

Eren quietly combed my hair with his fingers as I stared wistfully at his thin smile. "I'm really not feeling like myself lately." I meant to  _think_  that but looks like the bravery of booze is still holding direct authority over my vocals.

"In what sort of way?"

"Forget it." I untangled myself from him and flipped the other way. My head landed hard on the fluffed pillow and I swallowed hard, knowing I haven't escaped fully; I still felt those eyes tracing over my back. What I'm trying to escape from in the first place is still unknown to me.

"Are you mad at me?"

How could I be mad at that perfect fucking idiot. God, now I'm calling him  _perfect._  No no  _no_. He's at the bottom list of perfection. Hell, he's not even on the list.

If I'm mad at anyone right now, it's myself for being a coward. "No, Eren. I just feel like sleeping this way tonight." And I also couldn't bear to even _look_  at him—or let him feel my chest thumping so fast against his any longer. My face probably looks really ridiculous too. All points considered, it's for the best if I'm not facing him tonight.

As if unsure if my words were sincere, he kept distance behind me. Afraid he might make a wrong move and upset me, probably. He likely thinks he made a mistake for trying to make a move, but he's not in the wrong. It was a natural reaction on his part, I'm the one not going about it like I should have—fuck, I don't even  _know_  what I should have done.

To spare him from unnecessary fretting, I assured him by blindly reaching back for his wrist and plopped his arm down on my hip.

He took the hint and cautiously nestled up behind me, his chest pressed against my back, a leg draped over mine. He stuffed his face between the pillow and my hair and gave a muffled, "Goodnight."

What am I  _doing_  with this kid? I'm fucking his emotions up and my own in the process. I don't even want to know what almost happened a minute ago—actually, I know  _exactly_ what almost happened, but if I let myself think about it I'll get pissed off for not only backing out, but for getting so worked up over something that  _didn't_ happen.

I suppose Hanji's advice had some truth to it. Maybe I should just ride it out and let this take its course. Worrying about what the hell is going on between Eren and I will only age me ten years and get me no where. My fingers subconsciously brushed Eren's forearm as I pondered, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind.

Maybe I should have let him kiss me. That might have settled some confusion once and for all. I would have known if I liked him or not, or who knows, maybe I would have been repulsed by it.

Or—my emotions would have turned off and I'd end up having sex with him right here, right now because I have no damn restraint over myself once I start something. If that were to happen, I'd be in the same spot I am now. With a distraction like that, I doubt I could figure out my emotions while getting pounded into the mattress.

If it were anyone else, I'd be all for it. Fuck yeah, let's make-out and bang; that was my old motto. But with Eren I can't, because Eren makes me fucking think about shit I shouldn't be thinking about. I just used to act on harmless impulses, now I'm passing them up driving into madness instead.

If there was a clear reason why, this would be much easier to decipher, but there isn't. What has this kid done to me?

A part of me wants to kiss him out of pure spite of my brain, just to show it I fucking did it despite its efforts of holding me back. The more I think about just going in and doing something so simple, though, the more my body tenses up and the more I can't control how my muscles function. My brain is a prick, its literally locking my body down because it's confused for no reason.

For the time being, it's better to keep my mind sharp and keep affections like that at bay.

At some point in my thoughts I drifted off. It felt like only an hour or so later, but here I am with my eyes open again, listening to breathy pants and slick, wet sounds. My eyes shriveled into a disgusted squint.

Fucking teenagers.

Can they leave their hand off their dicks for  _one_  night?

This was typical and something I've gotten used to over the years. Ever since Eren discovered the wonders of masturbation at age twelve, he's been doing it practically every night since. And lucky for me, I share a bed with the horny bastard. Just to add to my streak of luck, I often wake up during it. In other words, I have to suffer through the awkward second-hand embarrassment and pretend to be asleep as the pervert finishes himself off.

What's worse—it always turns me on and it's fucking  _excruciating_. Most of the time it's pure agony trying to force myself back to sleep with a stiffy begging to be tugged.

There was some humor to the situation, though; he actually believes he's being sneaky about it. I almost gave myself away by laughing at the pathetic thought. He's so obvious when he does this. He's very vocal, for starters. I should have never told him it was natural for a person to touch themselves; he took the advice far too literal and thinks it's as natural as eating or brushing your teeth. Marking that as the biggest mistake I've ever made. Truth be told, I'm not cut out for teaching sex ed, despite my years of experience.

This is why he's probably so comfortable with doing it anytime he wanted, even with a 'sleeping' person right beside him. I should have made it clearer that it's a private thing that should be done only privately.

The only difference between those times and now is that Eren is still very much attached to me—roaming softly over my body with his _free hand_ , fondling up my arms sensually as sweet moans breeze against the back of my neck. Once fully realizing what he was doing, I froze, even my breathing stopped.

Does it count as child molestation if  _I'm_  actually the one being molested?

The heel of his foot brushed down my calf and soon his toes were curled against mine. Our feet twined together as his rhythm seemed to have speed up.

That pretty much answers my question. And I'm officially hard now. Damn him.

After enduring another fifteen minutes of biting my lip and thinking of drowning kittens just to get my piece soft, I realized Eren must of ran into some trouble, or ran out of inspiration. He usually does this for about five minutes and it's over, but he's really prolonging it tonight. If he doesn't hurry up and get off already I'm going to fuck him myself.

Note to self: don't think about riding Eren's dick whilst trying to get rid of a hard on. It will not help, only make it worse.

Screw this. If I have to suffer, he should too. I'm calling him out on it tonight, I had enough. An exaggerated sigh covered his pitiable moaning. "You seem to be having trouble tonight."

After recovering from a dry gasp, he screeched in my ear, "Y-You're  _awake_?!" With the way he jolted, I thought I spoke on cue with his climax, but I simply frighted the kid half to death.

My hearing returned in time to hear a few muttered swears under his breath as he retracted his limps that where previously clung around me. I didn't want to break it to him that damage was already done.

"I've been awake for about thirty minutes, thanks to you."

"Why...Why didn't you  _say_  something?"

"I didn't want to disturb you, I guess. But now it's getting annoying. Hurry up and finish already."

"I...I can't."

"No shit—you do it too often. You're going to sprain your wrist one of these nights. Give it a rest for a while."

"Just go back to sleep and ignore me. I can't fall asleep without doing this so... pretend I'm not here."

"You're just going to continue?"

Based on the shuffling beneath the blanket and the cut off sounds he made, it became clear that yes, Eren was indeed set on continuing.

"You're a nasty pervert."

"Oh...yeah, I am." That husky purr shivered my whole body and went right down to my hips. Oh my fucking God he really is just going to continue. I can't believe this horny brat. Then again, this is  _Eren_. What else could I expect from him?

"Keep talking..."

I'm pissed off. And horny. And he's making the latter worse. This blows. Not only is this awkward, but he intends to use what I say as jerking-material at this point. So this is what my life has become.

"You told me to go back to bed—so shut up. And stop breathing on me." He's panting enough to breeze the back of my hair. That hot breath rolled over the nape of my neck, making me shudder. Flutters rushed through my whole body as I listened to his ragged soughs.

Getting short of breath myself, I stretched out my collar with a finger. He sounds so fucking hot and I couldn't help but to remind myself that this is how he would sound during sex.

"Nng...Mmm."

I bit down on my knuckle, sealing my eyes tight but all that did was help me picture what he was doing to himself clearer—his audio as guidance. Even biting my lip to induce pain wasn't enough to pull me from  _those_  mental images.

It literally took every fiber of my being to stop my own hand from traveling downward—my swollen cock is  _begging_  to be milked out right now, but I couldn't scoop as low as him. Not that I'm the most prideful person when it comes to sexual matters, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction, even though he earned it by getting me so hot-and-bothered without doing anything to me. For a virgin like him, that was a mighty natural talent he possessed.

"Aah...I-I'm so close."

He's been close for about a half-hour total now. This needs to be done with already. I can't take another second of it—I'll end up doing something I'll regret, like fucking him until morning if this doesn't end  _now_.

It's been a while—but it's time to practice my vocals. Let's see if I still have it in me to act. I cleared my throat.

"Aaah...  _E_ _ren_ , right there. Mmm... yeah... _harder._ " Fade out and end scene. That was quite the authentic performance, if I do say so myself. I deserve a round of applause.

"Wha—?!" His body jolted enough to shake the whole bed. After flexing stiffly, he quivered before another aftershock, "A-Ahaa!"

I rolled my eyes with a huff. Finally. At least that's over with. "I knew that would work."

"Ha...haa..." His hot breath blew against me as he twitched behind me. Swallowing like it was difficult, he managed to force out, "What...the hell was that all about...?"

"That's the thanks I get? Psh. I'm never helping you get off again." At least it worked. Might've been a little awkward if it hadn't. I should think these things through.

"Wait. Were—Were you doing something to yourself too?" He sounded astonished, but I shot down that idea fast.

"You wish." I really wasn't (only because I physically held my wrist so it wouldn't wander down my pants). But just from aiding Eren's climax, I started leaking from the tip. If only he saw how turned on I am. Thankfully the blanket is covering my shame. "And don't flatter yourself, my old line of work taught me out to fake it."

"Right...sure. That sounded a little too genuine to me."

"And who are you comparing to, virgin?"

". . . . . ."

Yeah, that's right. Shut up. As if he knows what genuine satisfaction sounds like. That idiot wouldn't know the difference between a cheap hooker and a courtesan.

"I'm just saying..." Starting from my elbow, his fingers walked up my bicep playfully. "I think I turned you on a teeny-tiny bit."

To hide the fact that he was so painfully right, I switched topics entirely to something irrelevant. I just need to yell at him right now. "I shouldn't even let you  _speak_  right now. You're the one that was preaching about consent earlier and yet you were practically molesting me in my sleep. Tch."

"...!?" A sharp utter cut off. "It's not like that! I never did that before—I was just having some problems so I thought it would help."

I played mute. Of course I didn't actually care if he was touching me—actually, I was jealous that I couldn't touch him back. And it's not like he went too wild; he didn't let his hand roam anywhere inappropriate, but I wanted him to so badly. Just the thought of him doing something like that made my shaft twitch.

"I— _really_  wanna hear you say more things like that." His tone swam close to my ear as his fingers slipped under my arm. A ripple of vibrations ran down my spine.

A wild look was awaiting me when I looked back at him. I was about to tell him to go wash his sticky hands—but when I saw how dead serious he looked I buttoned my lips.

"I know you said you're not ready yet—but there wouldn't be any harm in letting me listen to you as you make yourself feel good...like you did with me just now."

"Go to sleep. You're like a dog in heat. And for the record I was  _forced_  to listen to you." Who knew a little virgin could be so kinky. I secretly loved the idea of him listening to me as I pleasured myself—but I'm not that ballsy, not this early in this confusing relationship, anyway.

But—the fact remains that I'm still extremely horny. I thought I'd deflate after a while but it just won't go down, not even after twenty minutes of failed attempts of trying to sleep.

I coiled my neck back to see Eren sleeping soundly. I cursed him and hoped he had nightmares. Asshole, he's all taken care of and in dreamland right now and I can't get to sleep because he got me all worked up.

I did a double-take on him, ensuring his unconsciousness before facing straight again. Despite all my resistance, my hand still ended up slipping pass the waistband of my pants. The moment my fingers brushed along that neglected hardness, I moaned in relief into my fist. I closed my eyes, widened my mouth and let my hand take over.

It's been a while since I've done this, so I can probably come fast if I keep focused. The last time I remember doing this was in the bath after Eren decided it was a good idea to wear his pants dangerously low enough to reveal his happy-trail.

That was one of the images I focused on while my stroking sped up. I winced as the pleasure slowly overran my whole body.

"Nnn..." Up until now I managed to keep my sounds breathy and unnoticeable, but they were getting sharper the closer I got and I knew they'd only get louder. In an effort to block my sounds, I bit down on the blanket—the moans were still leaking out but at least they were repressed.

I breathed unevenly through my nose as images of Eren's tanned muscles came to mind. I squirmed, toes curling and my mouth soon widened, the damp piece of fabric dropping and unable to block my sounds—but at this point, I didn't care. It felt too damn good to care.

"Ah.  _Fuck_..." The electrifying shocks spreading throughout my body had me trembling uncontrollably and my eyes rolled to the back of my head as I let an utter loose into the pillow.

This experience is so much more exciting knowing Eren is there, so close behind me, close enough to feel the lump of his cock against my ass. I was so caught up in the sensations right now and I'm honestly surprised I didn't wake him up and demand for him to ram himself into me right here and now—that was the final thought that sent me off the edge.

Not wanting to halt the rhythm, I switched hands and reached for a tissue from the nightstand when I felt my climax peeking.

I clenched my teeth tight, but the barrier broke in an instant.

" _A-_ _a_ _h!_ "

If that one didn't wake Eren up, then he must be the deepest sleeper in existence. It wasn't intentional (I rather get through this undisturbed) but I honestly couldn't hold that one back.

A wave of tingles surged through me at an alarming rate and I caught the warm creamy texture oozing from me with the tissue. I was left behind with pleasant numbness possessing me. My body comfortably sunk deep into the mattress, pants leaking out as I closed my eyes and slowly breathed through the remaining after effects.

I balled up the tissue and limply tossed it toward the wastebasket...but it bounce off the lip and onto the floor. "Gross..."

Not wanting to move, I stared at the dirty tissue on the floor, hoping it would levitate and find its own way into the bin—that is until I was reeled in close and jumped a mile when a pair of lips found their way to my ear. "Feel better now?"

"...You're a dick, you know that?" There was not a sign of surprise in my tone. I should have fucking known he was still awake, then again I assumed he'd pass out after all that work—bastard got his way regardless. "You...You were awake this whole time?"

"Yup, I was just pretending. I knew if I kept myself up long enough you'd do it." He sounded so satiated with himself. If I wasn't so weak right now I'd forcefully kick him out of the bed and make him sleep on the floor next to the dirty tissue where he belonged.

"But...I'm sorry, I know you didn't want me to, but you can't really blame me—you sounded so cute~ You have no idea how hard it was for me to stay quiet through that."

"Just _shut up_ already or else I'll make sure you're permanently quiet." I didn't even need him close to me—I was creating my own heat on my own. I can't say I'm embarrassed since he already embarrassed himself first—but I honestly didn't know how I felt about this. If I wanted to be stealthy about it, I could have just went to the bathroom, so maybe a part of me  _did_  want him to be apart of that.

"One of these nights..." he broke off, "you should let me do it for you. Wh-When you're ready, of course."

I didn't say a word. My thoughts were also quiet.

"Come on, tell me. Would you like that?" He peeked over my shoulder in search of a reaction. "Y-You can do it to me too, if you want. I've...I've been wanting you to touch me for so long." His words came out in a quiver, like it took all his might to voice them. "Would you like to do that together one day, Levi?"

He's not ever going to shut up unless I say something, but I hated answering such a blunt question, but really, there was only one truthful answer I could give.

"...Yeah. I would like that. Now go to bed and quit bugging me, pervert."

Pleased with my answer, he giggled bashfully and tied his arms around me, nuzzling his forehead again my back.

I didn't let my libido get the best of me and that was a damn shock. Well—resorting to jerking myself off wasn't apart of the plan and certainly wasn't a good example of holding myself back...but still, I usually have no restraint when it comes to these things, but my body physically refuses to get into something too deep with Eren, even though I  _badly_  crave it. It can't be because of his age. He's not a child anymore. There's just...  _something_  stopping me from hopping into his lap and stealing his virginity right now and I can't quite put my finger on it.

Sex is suppose to be fun and the least complicated thing in the world, but it isn't with him. I couldn't even kiss him. Kiss. A fucking kiss. Who cares about something so petty? I should have done it without thought, but I didn't. He even offered some harmless fun together just now and we mutually agreed to it—but I can't do that either.

We could've had sex tonight—no, we  _would have_  had sex tonight if I just said the word. We were both horny and turning each other on and we wanted each other. That much was obvious. There's something very wrong. It sucks. It sucks he took my favorite pastime and made it complicated. He made everything complicated, now that I think about it.

What is it—what is holding me back? Was Mikasa right, do I really have it bad for him? Or am I secretly repulsed by him? It makes no fucking sense. I never ran into an issue like this in my entire life. Eren sure loves handing out first time experiences for me.

There's nothing more I want than to tell him to hump me until were both raw, but I can't do it and it's driving me crazy. I can't even fuck  _other_  people because of him. Every time I came close, Eren would pop in my mind and I couldn't go through with it. This little brat is unintentionally cock-blocking me. But to be fair, that also means he's cock-blocking himself.

The sooner I know what's going on with my emotions, the sooner I'll know why I'm unable to move forward.

Eren and I really,  _really_  need to talk about us. Just us. And as much as it pains me to admit, we need to talk about these feelings we hold for each other. I'm not even sure if I'm holding anything at all, but surely if I talk about it and I hear his side to it, then I won't be as confused about our situation; that's all it is, confusion. I never been in this situation before, so in a way my reaction is natural, I'm just not used to it. But once I figure it out, we'll move forward—but as of right now I have no fucking idea what direction we're headed in.

**~x~**

**~Eren's POV~**

In a rhythmic beat, Mikasa tapped her fingernails against the table as she kept her eyes glued to the clock on the wall. The reoccurring drumming had me twitching in irritation. She sure was antsy tonight—that's rare for her. I'm seated in front of her, bored and frustrated out of my mind because I have to see that stupid play tonight with her. It's nice to see her excited, but I just wished I shared her enthusiasm.

We still had quite a while until the midnight showing—so I passed the time by flipping through the pamphlet. I read the summary, thinking I'd get more hyped for the story if I did, but I still couldn't see why Mikasa was raving so much about it.

"La... Bell it la b..ite..." I struggled to sound out the title. "The hell does that mean?"

"Mm...I don't know?" Mikasa shrugged. "Just a dead language, I suppose."

"You mean La Belle et la bête."

We both blinked over at Levi, who was leaning against the counter with a tea cup in hand—holding it in that typical unstable fashion. The perfect pronunciation and foreign sounds his tongue created still lingered around us. Our stares made him shrink (even more, if that's possible.)

"...What. It's French. It means The Beauty and the Beast."

"Hmph," I huffed, as if unimpressed—but that was only to hide the fact that I thought he sounded  _incredibly_  sexy just now. The translation he gave seemed simple, but the way his tongue formed pronunciations I could never recreated made that single sentence sound way more passionate and exotic than it should have.

"It's a good story. Give it a chance, Eren. Trust me, I already read the book."

" _Don't spoil it_." Mikasa squinted her eyes on him, her lips snarling intimidatingly. For her to have the bravery to give Levi such a daunting look, she must be  _really_  into this play—on an unhealthy level.

I flipped through the booklet again, not caring if I spoiled the whole damn thing for myself. Maybe then the time will go by faster once I'm in the theater. I kept myself busy as the room subtly rose with dispute.

"I won't give anything away, but there is this one scene where—"

"Shut up, Levi. I will slice you down if you speak another word."

And now Mikasa's threatening him. Isn't this a wonderful start to a shitty night. For once I'm going to be smart and stay out of this. No matter who I side with, I'll end up a dead man. But she's definitely taking this way too seriously.

For a split moment, I could have swore that Levi frowned, like he wanted so badly to finish his sentence. But he sent her a dirty look instead.

We're such a weird family.

"Anyway—we should get going." Mikasa decided on her own without confirmation from me. She wrap her scarf around her and put on a jacket.

"Wait—it doesn't start until another three hours!" It's not like we had to wait in line—we already had tickets. This is probably Mikasa being impatient once again. That mode of hers will take a lot of getting used to. Hopefully it disappears once this event is through.

"But by the time we grab something to eat and walk around it'll be time."

"I thought we were going out to eat  _after_."

I looked over at Levi for some reason—expecting him to side with me, but his attention laid on Mikasa. "I rather you guys head out earlier—it gets pretty wild after midnight around here. I think it's better if you go straight home after it's over."

I've been outvoted. I groaned, not wanting to move but I found my strength somehow and let out my frustration by kicking the chair out from under me. I met up with Mikasa at the door, and she readied her hand on the knob.

"We'll see ya' later, Levi."

"Put a jacket on."

"I'm not cold." I retorted back sharply.

"Put it on anyway."

I rolled my eyes so far that I was looking back at Mikasa by the time I was through. Obediently, I reached over to get my coat off the hook. Instead of putting it on, I swung it over my shoulder.

"Can we leave now?" I said with some spunk and Mikasa headed out the door without Levi's final consent.

He waved me off. "Just remember what I said before: Come home  _straight_  after. I swear if you brats make me search the city looking for you after I come home from work I'll—"

"I get it already! We'll head straight home."

I set my foot forward, readying to catch up with Mikasa, but Levi still had more to add, "And  _don't_  talk to anyone,  _don't_  leave the main square and—"

I slammed the door shut right on his words.

As if I can forget any of that. He already recited those rules at least three times tonight. Hanji's right, he really is turning into a dad.

**~x~**

After some window shopping and wandering around the square we knew far too well by now, Mikasa and I headed to the only decent restaurant in town for a bit to eat. It wasn't filled with the typical delinquents and drunks that permanently filled the streets around here; the owners seem to do a great job at keeping the trash out.

This is why I was comfortable with Mikasa working here; any other place would have dirtbags pinching her ass as she waited tables. The atmosphere in here is very casual and most of the tables were filled with low-class miners and merchants that likely didn't have wives at home to cook for them.

With a dim candle flickering between us, Mikasa and I were seated across from each other in a secluded booth in the back, away from the noise at the counter and the customers gruff chatter.

I had to admit, it felt kind of nice being out with Mikasa like this. The two of us only really dwell around the house together and talk whenever we bump into each other, but it's refreshing to be out of the house with her for a change, just the two of us.

Still, a part of me wishes Levi could have tagged along with us. After all these years of being together we were like an inseparable trio and it always felt a little off when one of us were missing from the pack.

Mikasa was going over how much time we had to spare—which was  _a lot_ so I oughta eat slow—or so I told myself. I kind of failed in doing so and cleared a plate and already asked for seconds. Mikasa then informed me we'd probably not get back until about two in the morning. I heaved back in my seat at this.

"Ugh. Is it really two hours long? What can some girl and dog talk about for that long?"

It sucked that it was such a late showing as it is—but apparently Levi originally tried to get tickets for an earlier viewing, but it was already sold out and only seats for the last time slot of the night was available.

There wasn't much entertainment around here, aside from a few festivals once in a while, so when a play was showing the residence tend to gobble up all the tickets.

"It's a romance, there needs to be time for development and music numbers. Two hours seems just about right."

"Oh, right. It's a romance." I pondered this for moment, scratching my chin. I then whispered across the table, "Isn't that illegal?"

"The beast isn't  _really_  an animal or creature, he's just a human effected by a curse. He turned into monster and the only way for him to become human again is to find true love. Well, that's what I know from the summary—it seems a little confusing, but I didn't want to ask Levi any questions. He'd spoil the whole thing."

"Yeah, he does that." I remember being so pissed a few years ago when he caught me reading Little Red Riding Hood and he decided to be a prick and give away the ending because I didn't wash the dishes.

"He ruined Den Lille Havfrue for me. It was still a good book, really sad ending though. Do you think there's really fish people in the ocean, Eren?"

I recalled reading the book myself. Luckily, I wasn't spoiled like Mikasa. I reflected on the story before giving her an answer.

It was about a girl with a fishtail instead of legs who lived in the ocean. She fell in love with a human prince and had her tail riven by a sea witch so she could join him on land. Turns out the prince was a real asshole and ended up marrying someone else—then the mermaid was left with an ultimatum: kill the prince or die. She couldn't bring herself to kill the only person she ever loved, so she turned into sea-foam and lost her soul. "Well, it's an old book from before the Titans existed, so its  _gotta_  be true. All those stories give insight about how the world used to be. Their race probably survived too, I don't think Titans can swim."

"Hey, you're right... They lucked out. Unless there's mermaid Titans too."

Disturbed by the thought of something so vile living in something so beautiful, I faked a laugh. "Let's hope not, that's a pretty terrifying idea." Though, as something as big as the ocean, I wouldn't be surprised if there were huge, hidden creatures beneath the water. In one way, I guess you can say it was good we weren't near the sea.

Assaulted by hunger suddenly, our conversation ended and I focused on filling my stomach. Mikasa took small, tentative bites and seemed to be entertained at how sloppy I was eating. I wasn't around Levi, so I can get away with eating like a pig for a change without getting chastised.

"So..." Mikasa dragged out after a long while. "How have things been with you and Levi?"

I perked up and wiped my mouth on the napkin just from hearing the unexpected name. Realizing how well he got me trained, I went back to stuffing my face spitefully, talking with a mouthful, "What about him?"

She moved her eyes to one side, admiring the artwork on the wall as she pushed her shoulders up. "Just speaking in general here." I gave her a crooked brow when she glanced back at me for a second before taking her eyes off me again. "I guess I'm just trying to ask if you two... _spoke_ or anything."

I paused in my chewing, then swallowed after some thought. "Uh. Yeah. We talk all the time, Mikasa."

She propped her hand under cheek, her eyes crossed as she watched the flame dance between us. "Hmm. Never mind, then."

"...What?" I urged. Her and Levi were so alike sometimes—they often bring vague topics up with a certain intention then dodge the specifics. Or maybe she really was just trying to make small talk. "Why do you look so bummed out all of a sudden? Feeling sick? I'll admit this food kinda sucks."

"It's not that."

"Then what?"

"You sure eat a lot for someone who hates the food."

"You didn't answer my question."

She huffed, her breath blowing her bangs and the candle; making it dance on the wick.

Seeing that she wasn't going to speak, I did. "Listen, you know I can't catch onto hints if you don't spell it out for me. If you got something to say, say it."

"Like I said, I'm just wondering how you and Levi are doing, that's all."

I tried to stir up some flashbacks of the past few days. Levi and I haven't been fighting; if we were, usually Mikasa would say something like this in an attempt to get us back on speaking terms, but we gave no indication that we weren't getting along. In fact, we've been getting along smoothly—better than great. Just the other night proved that.

It still felt like a dream. Maybe it was. If I really didn't imagine it, there's a good chance Levi didn't even remember anything due to his drunk state. But even so, I think we did take a tiny step forward despite the fact I have little-to-no evidence to prove that.

Maybe I should take my own advice. I got something to say, so I should say it.

"Since were on the topic of Levi... There is something I want to tell you, but I couldn't really do it with him around." Mikasa and I are close, and she's proved to be a great person for advice when I needed it—I shouldn't leave her in the dark, even though I still feel like I'm in the dark myself. Who knows, maybe she can make some sense out of all this mess.

I took a breath and Mikasa leaned toward me slightly, interested in what I had to say. It was a little daunting to have her eyes directly on me when I was about to get into an embarrassing subject.

"Remember how I told you that I... _liked_  Levi?"

The blank expression previously dominating her vanished. Seemingly, her eyes lit just a little brighter. "...Yeah, I do."

My face heat up, I set my folk down with a clink and looked upward. I folded my hands together, covering my mouth. "Well, I think he might like me too."

"Duh." A quick response, if you can even call it that.

"... _H_ _uh_?"

"You're so dense, Eren. Thank God were not actually related."

"What the hell?" My tempter skyrocketed and my palms slammed against the table, rattling the silverware. "Why are you making fun of me right now? I'm trying to tell you something important!"

I thought she was teasing, but the seriousness held on her face was enough to tell me otherwise and helped me mild my mood.

"I know, believe me, I know. I've always known." There was a soft laugh in her words.

"Wait... You knew he liked me?"

"I think anyone with common sense knew."

"Tsh. I can always rely on you." The bitter sarcasm came out dull. I readjusted myself in my seat in preparation. " _Anyway_ , there's more to it. Levi—He's taking me on a  _date_  for my birthday."

She took a very long time to reply. "Are you  _serious_?" With wide eyes, her pitched rose higher than I heard in years. The bomb I dropped hit her harder than I thought it would. "Where—Where is he taking you? And why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Like I said, I couldn't around him...and I don't know yet."

Noticing she was stiffly holding onto the table, she made an effort to relax her hands and let in a short breath. "...Are you  _sure_  you didn't misunderstand? You do take thing wrong sometimes. I don't want you getting your hopes up if he doesn't see it as a date. Maybe he's just taking you out to celebrate."

"Believe me, I'm sure I heard right. It's a  _date._ I didn't believe it myself at first either, but I brought it up a few times since then, just to confirm that were still on and he says yes. That's about all he says."

She rubbed her temple, like the new information she was retaining proved to be too much to handle. "Who asked who?"

I slouched and scratched my head, elbow on the table. Now that she mentioned it, I don't know who asked. It just sort of came up and it was just settled without much discussion. "We sort of mutually agreed to it, I guess. I'm not sure what this means, but then again I'm slow with this stuff." The fact that Mikasa knew Levi liked me in some sort of way and I didn't catch on sooner was clear evidence of that. All these years I wasted with my own assumptions. I avoided Levi and the confession I gave him because I couldn't see him ever returning my feelings in the slightest way. That's all thanks to my stupidity.

"I'm pretty sure it means you're going on a date with Levi because the guy likes you. Nothing else to figure out."

"He's more complicated than that."

Before she could reply, she became distracted by the waiter that came over to fill her tea. She gathered her words as she watched the steamed liquid pour from the spout. "He's difficult, yes, but not really complicated to figure out, I don't think. Unless he's insulting someone, he's not the type to be direct. If you're expecting that you're probably not going to get it."

"Oh, I know. I wish he would, though." I was envious at her casual phrasing; Levi is definitely complicated, unless I'm just not as sharp as her. To me, Levi was this unorderly, ten-thousand piece puzzle of a detailed picture—and I felt as though I only snapped the border pieces together, but I'm stumped on figuring out the heart of the puzzle. Sometimes I feel like half of the pieces are missing, and other times I feel like I'm half-way complete. But it's so easy to scramble those pieces; enough to force me to start from scratch again.

Mikasa sipped on her tea leisurely as I wolfed down a gulp of water—my mouth was getting dry from just talking about Levi.

"I mean,  _I think_  he likes me the same way I like him, but it's hard to figure out for sure, you know? For one, he gives me all these mixed vibes. We actually had this really close moment recently—and I'm sure we were about to kiss but he backed out and seemed kind of mad."

Mikasa nearly choked on that tea at my phrasing. A napkin covered her mouth to block the tea from spitting out across the table and onto my face. Maybe I should make a note to warn her before dropping bombs.

I still remember how it felt, being so close to his face, feeling his hot breath against my lips. It felt so surreal because I've seen scenes like that a millions times in my head, but it felt so real at the same time. The way my body felt in the moment was like nothing I ever felt before. All I had to do was lift my chin slightly and our lips would have touched. Just the thought sent shivers down my spine. My gaze casted down disappointed.

"Really, it was the most perfect moment too. I think he wanted to, but he said he wasn't ready."

Recovering her posture, Mikasa tapped the napkin against her lips a final time and set it down. "That doesn't mean he doesn't like you. It's as you said, he's just not ready. You're probably rushing things and that's why you're getting mixed vibes in return. Keep in mind that Levi might look like a little cranky baby, but he's actually a mature adult. He probably wants to take it slow, but you being an impatient kid you're moving too fast."

She's right, but I still couldn't see how I was putting Levi on the spot—but then again, I had no way of knowing if I was unintentionally pressuring him. This is all new to me.

There's probably a certain pattern you're suppose to follow while pursing someone, but I obviously don't know the first step since I never had a lover before. Levi probably knows the ins and outs of these situations—and maybe I'm throwing him off his game by changing the rules.

"Just remember," Mikasa started, "Levi is a tough guy, but he could also be really timid and sensitive at times. Just don't scare him off, okay?

I'm jealous she already knew that about him. I only learned recently how sensitive he could be—and not just about his height, surprisingly. I always knew he had a soft side to him, but that pensive look he gave when he was saying we were going to abandon him some day—my heart  _ached._  I just wanted to hold him and never let go just to prove him wrong. He tried so hard to cover it up and make it sound like him expressing his private worries wasn't a big deal, but the idea of us leaving him sent him physical and emotional pain—and in turn, I felt the same way for seeing him that way.

He tries to act independent, like everyone is a bother to him, but I think Levi truly values the company of those around him. The anxiety he clearly displayed was so obvious, like he secretly fears everyone he cares about doesn't feel the same and could, any day, leave without ever returning. Levi tries to keep distance from people, which is why it's so hard to warm up to him even after all these years, but I think it's because he's so dependent on those around him and his distance is his way of making sure he'll be able to stand even once they're gone.

If only I can take such depressing ideas of out his head. He doesn't deserve such a heavy, unneeded weight crushing him. I can't imagine how it feels—I know how it feels to have people taken from me, but I don't fear that the people I care about in the present will be ripped away from me; mainly because I know me, and I know I wouldn't allow that to happen.

I understand that Levi had a lot of people taken away from him in the past. With that in mind, it's safe to assume he has some abandonment issues of some kind, but I don't know why he thinkxs we'd just pick up and leave and forget all about him after everything we've been through.

Sure, as I get older we might not be able to spend as much time together, but that's the sacrifice of growing up. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do with my life—a part of me still wants to join the military. Levi must notice my interest in it still. That could have caused those uneasy feelings of his in the first place. But even if I did, I wouldn't abandon him. I'd spend every free moment with him. The Survey Corps only goes out on missions when they have enough funding and get a seal of approval from the higher-ups; that takes months sometimes, from what I heard. Levi and I would spend my leave together. At most I'd be gone a few weeks at a time for preparations and expeditions—but I'd always come back home to him.

If Levi and I get serious, though, there's a chance I might push my ambitions to the side. He'd hang me if he knew he was stopping me from doing something I wanted—but it's for my own selfish reasons too.

Regardless if we ever get serious, I really believe that I won't ever like someone as much as I like Levi. There's a good chance that I'd settle for unrequited love rather than forcing myself with someone I have no feelings for. He honestly has nothing to worry about. Even if I do join the military, or if we never get in a relationship together, I already decided a long time ago that I'm never leaving his side.

"The only advice I could give is to just wait for him to make the next move." Mikasa woke me from my thoughts, "In the meantime, keep doing what you're doing because you're obviously doing something right to get this far." She cupped my hand on the table. I peered down to note how small her hand was compared to mine and when I looked back up again she was smiling. "I'm very proud, Eren. You're doing good. I'm sure this date will go great and he'll be yours in no time."

"You're...happy about this. I can't say I'm surprised, but didn't really expect that," I smiled, my eyes thin. "I'm glad though, having your approval means a lot."

"As long as you're happy, I'm happy." She retracted her hand from mine after a light squeeze, but her touch still remained. I feel loads better after talking to her, but of course there were still other issues swimming in my mind.

"I'm so nervous about this date. I'm happy, of course. But I'm terrified."

"It'll be fine. Just try to be confident."

"Psh. I'm always confident." I lied proudly.

"I said confident, not cocky. Overall, just try to have fun and remember  _it's just Levi."_ Like that is supposed to make me feel better? Knowing it's him makes my anxiety spike more. "Just because he's taking you on a date doesn't change anything between you. Just be yourself and everything will go smoothly."

I had butterflies fluttering in my stomach at the thought—this prep talk of hers wasn't helping in the slightest, it's just making me more nervous. I can't help but think I'm going to screw something up or embarrass myself. It feels as though the future between us will be determined based on this date. It's only natural for me to be worried. All I want is him, but if I mess up this opportunity it might never come around again.

"Oh, and just be sure to wear a lot of deodorant and cologne, you'll definitely be nervous and sweaty and you know how Levi is about body odor."

"I  _know_ that." I spat in annoyance. It's official, she's not helpful at all. "I need tips, not common sense."

"What kind of tips? I'll try to help if you need to know something specific."

"You know, like..." I thought about it, and the first thing that came to mind was intimacy. Not sex exactly, since a part of me thinks that won't happen for a while so that concern could be kept to the side for now. But if the date goes well there's a chance we might actually kiss. I wasn't nervous about it the other night, mainly because I wasn't thinking and I just wanted to cheer Levi up somehow. I thought kissing him would bolden my promise, but afterward I realized I didn't even know what I was getting myself into. I wanted to so badly, but once I had time to think about it I felt relieved that Levi stopped me. "For starters, I don't actually have any idea how to kiss properly. I probably would've made a fool out of myself and ruined the mood more than he did it the other night."

"Hm. I never kissed anyone before either, so I can't really help you there. But he knows you're new to all this stuff. Even if you suck at first I'm sure he'll understand."

"Are we talking about the same Levi?" I chucked. "The Levi I know would make fun of me and comment about how terrible I am."

With a grave expression, Mikasa's defensive mood was officially clicked on. "Well if he wants to be that much of an asshole during your first kiss, then tell him he's terrible at growing. At least you can practice kissing, he can't practice getting taller."

I laughed harder than I intended to. "I might actually keep that quip for future reference." My amusement faded as fast as it came. I sighed. I shouldn't really be thinking about kissing right now; when the moment comes, I'll worry about it then. I had more important things to ponder.

"I'm really curious about where he's going to take me though, the wait is killing me."

"You guys really aren't going to do anything until your birthday? That's still a long way from now."

"Tell me about it. It wouldn't be as bad if my birthday wasn't at the very end of the month."

Mikasa lips cornered to one side thoughtfully, and I questioned what that look was all about.

"I was just wondering why the two of you aren't doing anything tomorrow."

Tomorrow? Why would she be pondering why we aren't doing anything tomorrow of all days? I decided against confusing my brain further and asked her straight out, "What about it? Like I said, I don't think he wants to do anything until my birthday."

"But... tomorrow is Valentine's day, isn't it?"

". . . . . ."

Valentine's day. I've never celebrated it, nor did I ever really understand the point of it. I know it's a day where couples get all romantic and buy each other stuff, but I always saw it as a scam—or at least, that's what Levi muttered to himself for the last few years. He's not a fan of holidays though, so there's a good chance my sources are wrong.

Until now, I thought Mikasa was following the whole situation between Levi and I well, but something she failed to take into account was that Levi and I  _weren't_ a couple, not yet, anyway. With any luck we might be by next year, but there's no way of telling at this point.

"You should get him something."

" _Wha_ —" I shook my head. "No. That's  _so_  lame."

"You're starting to sound like him now."

"Well I guess that means he'd think it's lame too."

"Hear me out. You know he has that secret sweet tooth he's always in denial about. You might score some points with him if you get him chocolate."

"You're only suppose to give gifts to lovers, I think. But were not even dating yet. Didn't you tell me  _not_  to scare him off?"

"It's just candy, not a marriage proposal."

I tightened my lip, a bead of sweat rolling down my cheek. This idea is tempting, but it didn't make me feel very comfortable. It's not that I haven't gotten gifts for Levi before—I always get him presents for his birthday or just hand him stuff at random if I stumble upon something he might like, but giving him a Valentine's gift would definitely be a first. It's not that I wouldn't love to get him something, but it's the act of actually giving it to him and his following reaction that terrifies me.

"It's settled then." Mikasa announced after growing impatient for my reply. "Were buying him chocolate. We still have a lot of time to waste anyway, might as well."

I was actually stupid enough to think I had a say in the matter, but by the time we left the restaurant and Mikasa dragged me into the candy store a block down, I realized she had her mind set and I had no power to stop her.

The shop was about to close, but the owner was nice enough to spare us five minutes before locking up for the night. We didn't want to waste his time so we rushed to the first bin we spotted in the front. Mikasa soon formed a pattern that I caught onto. She would sort through the candy, examine the packaging then toss it with a dismissive utter to the side to dig deeper. I stood beside her with my hands in my pockets, watching her determination.

"Just grab any one and let's go."

She hushed me and continued, and that's when I realized she's searching for something specific.

"They have to have at least  _one_  left." She groaned to herself, then yanked up another from the bin. I expected her to toss it to the side like the rest, but she eyed it like a winning prize.

"Here."

She passed it to me, but I made no attempt to grab it once I saw the shape it was in. I made a face that Mikasa likely marked as childish. "No way. Any one but that one." It shaped like a stupid  _heart_. I can hear Levi making fun of me already.

"It's the only brand with white chocolate and almonds though."

"And  _why_  does it have to be that kind...?"

"Seriously Eren?" She sighed irritatedly and flicked her bangs to the side. Moving pass me, she smacked the bar against my chest and headed toward the check out. I followed behind slowly, looking at the embarrassing thing I was holding.

"If you like him, you need to start learning his favorites. And white chocolate with almonds is one of this favorites."

"And how do you know this?" I was jealous, to be honest, but tried not to show it in front of the shop owner.

"Well, he nearly chopped my hand off once when I found his hidden stash of it. I ate some, because I thought they were for everyone but, yeah. He just  _really_  likes this kind, let's leave it as that."

I couldn't help but smile at the image she created for me. Levi tries to act like he doesn't care for sweets, but he's always the first to devour all morsels of it in the house. I was surprised I haven't learned what his favorite type of chocolate was sooner, usually I keep a close eye out for that stuff.

After paying for the candy, I stuffed it into my pocket and we headed out. Thanks to Mikasa rushing out of the house too soon, we still had a lot of time to kill. The time went by at a snail's pace and we had nothing to do but wait. Most shops were closing down at this time, aside from the bars and clubs that were just now opening for business. With that, I reminded myself that Levi was in work now and I couldn't help but wish I was there spying on his routine like I typically did every weekend. The thought alone, however, entertained me enough and before I knew it, the show was starting.

**~Eren's POV End~**

**~x~**

My routine utterly sucked tonight. I didn't reach my goal in tips like I hoped, but there's always tomorrow to make up for it. Tonight, however, was a lost cause. My mind's far too preoccupied with Eren and Mikasa right now. I hated that they were out this late on their own—but I suppose I can only blame myself for letting them go in the first place.

When I work other nights, at least I know their safe in bed in a calmer side of town. The main square is filled with a rough crowd and the scene gets pretty crazy around this hour. Every time a negative thought about them popped in my head, I'd fuck up one of my spins or screw up my landing. I even had to cut my show short just to regain my composure. I was hoping a smoke and few drinks would dull my worries a bit—but it seems to be making them worse.

To my left, an order was placed by a customer at the far side of the bar. It was common noise at first, going in one ear and at the other, but it turned right back around and perked me up. Taking another puff of my cigarette, I lifted myself up from the stool and hooked around the bar.

A suspicious individual was seated at the counter alone; hunched over a nursed drink and drawing more attention than he likely intended. I stood behind him for a long while, questioning what my eyes were showing me. I scowled.

"Take that stupid thing off your head. You look ridiculous." I went right up behind this man and knocked his hat right off his head, his disguise plopped up into the air and bounced behind the counter.

" _Excuse you_ —" The man swiveled around to face me, his eyes framed by thick, phony glasses. My eyes sharped in revolt. "Fucking seriously?  _Glasses too_?"

"Levi...?!"

"Shut up, I don't want anyone to think I know someone as pathetic as you."

"What—What are  _you_  doing here?"

"What's it look like I'm doing here?" I expanded my arms, drawing attention to my body. I didn't exactly like these circumstances, not one bit, but I couldn't sit back and let him embarrass himself further.

He looked me up and down, inspecting my attire—or lack of, I should say. His eyes bounced back at mine, looking at me with pure fright. To startle a commanding officer like that must be worthy of some kind of reward.

"You...You work here." Erwin ripped his glasses off and tossed them at the counter. Roughly, his ran his palm up his face and slicked back the side of his hair. "Just my luck. I thought nobody would recognize me down here."

He thought this—and yet he still took extra precaution to disguise himself in a gay gentlemen's club. Man, this guy is so deep in the closet it hurts.

Now that he had that idiotic disguise off, I didn't feel as embarrassed to be acquainted with him, so I took a seat on the neighboring stool. I flicked my long ash into the ashtray and studied him long as I took a drag. His eyes watered and he soon blocked a cough that was caused by the smoke I exhaled.

"This is unbelievable. What are the odds of meeting you here."

"Nothing to be ashamed of. You're gay and you want to see some studs shake their ass. No harm in that."

"It's—It's not like that. I'm not some kind of pervert, you know."

I tipped my head cynically. He realizes he's talking to  _me,_  the same person he fucked for a year, right? I knew all his dirty kinks and I knew just how filthy his mind could be. There was no fooling me. Then again, this is the same man who thought he could fool everyone of his real identity by wearing a stupid hat and glasses with no lenses.

"Then what are you doing here, hm? On a secret mission? Collecting Titan intel? Sorry to break it to you, but these whores won't be able to help you with that."

"I'm—" He took a long time to think of an excuse. Poor big bastard. "I have some time off and I'm tired of the bars in Wall Sina, that's all."

"Then why didn't you go to an actual bar? There's five on this block alone."

". . . . . ." Nervously, he slurped down his liquor and avoided eye contact.

Better late than never, Erwin's true agenda finally hit me. "...You're  _cruising,_  aren't you?" I leaned in close to inspect his reaction. He tried not to give one, but failed miserably. He reminded me of a guilty child who was finally being confronted about an expensive vase they broke. "You're looking for some ass."

"Don't say that so loud."

"Erwin. Everyone in this room likes men. You don't have to play the straight man here. Everyone here is looking for the same thing."

Shamefully, he hung his head. "It's humiliating to admit, but yes, that was my intention when I walked in here." He shook his head, like he was disappointed. He's way too hard on himself. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get laid. Given his position, he could die any day and he should get as much ass as he wants because there no guarantee he will again.

"I haven't... _been_  with anyone since you and I were together—and I was fine with that, but it's getting to the point it's effecting work."

I nodded, but not at what he was saying. I was nodded at the fact I decided to help him on this little mission. "I'll help you find someone." He fluttered his long lashes at me dumbly as I swiveled around, and he belatedly joined my search. I scoped out some of the dancers on the floor who were currently entertaining customers. Most of them were prostitutes to earn an extra income, so pretty much everyone who worked here was up for grabs if you had the right amount of money.

With my elbows propped up behind me on the counter, I glanced at Erwin, trying to estimate who his eyes landed on. When I noticed who peeked his interest, I shook my head.

"Stay away from him. He got the clap."

Horrified, he forced his eyes away in an instant, like just looking too long would give him a disease. "...Thanks for the warning."

I pointed out a few guys I knew were clean, but Erwin kept curling his lip with a toss of his head like a little picky brat. It was so much easier to sexually please him when I was the one fucking him.

I moved my eyes to stage, the one performing was a favorite around here (well, before I came. I accidentally stole his title). "What about him? A lot of people like him but he's very expensive. I can bring him over to talk once he's done, if you want."

"No thanks. He's not my type."

"Tch." I was starting to get irritated. If he wants to fuck to relieve stress, then what does it matter what he sticks his dick in? "What _is_  your type, then?"

Snickering, he allowed his eyes to drop and prowl all over my body before answering, "I like petite guys."

"Go  _fuck_ yourself."

"If I wasn't so bored with doing that I wouldn't be here right now." With a smirk, he took a sip of his drink. I secretly hoped he choked on it.

But unfortunately he didn't. The bottom of the glass set down hard on the counter and he leaned over to me, leering suggestively. "So, what about you? You pointed to nearly everyone here but yourself."

With no where to run, I settled for closing my eyes when I saw his hand coming near my face, and sealed them tighter as his thumb brushes along my cheek. The tempting touch sent a tingle through my body and I allowed myself to greedily enjoy the sensation a second more before hesitantly pushing his hand aside. It was harder than it looked to do that. But at the same time it came natural with little thought involved.

I leaned back, making space between us. There was apprehension in my tone, "I'm just a display, not for sale."

"Saw that coming. Can't blame me for asking."

"...Sorry."

"No,  _I'm_  sorry." He focused his eyes down and made random shapes in the condensation on his glass. "I keep breaking your rules."

The atmosphere suddenly changed. And my mood changed with it. "There's no rules, I just can't let myself become involved with you that way anymore. I know, it's stupid and I ruined a good thing we had with my own weird emotions."

"You didn't ruin anything, Levi. We're still friends and I'm glad I could still say that. The sex was just a bonus."

"Just a bonus? Damn, hate to break it to you but that made up the whole relationship for me. I wouldn't have tolerated you without that magical dick of yours."

He blinked over at me like a big dumb ox. "It's...it's magical?"

"Yes. Very magical."

His serious face finally cracked and he loosened up. "But what about now? Even all these years later you still hang out with me. Doesn't that prove were good friends and sex didn't hold up the foundation of our relationship?"

"Tch,  _no_. It just means your creepy personality somehow clung to me and I got used to you. And just because I'm unable to touch you doesn't mean you aren't a pleasure to look at." I looked away from the stupid expression he made and stole a sip from his glass.

"I'm not really sure how I should feel about any of that...I think it was a compliment so thanks?"

He entered his own private thoughts for a while, and when he spoke he hit me with something I was unprepared for, "Just for the record, it was never anything against you. I know we skimmed through this subject in the past, but I just want to make it clear now. I just found it unfair to involve myself seriously with anyone when I have no guarantee of living very long. Next time I leave for a mission there's a high possibility I won't return. I felt that you've been through a lot and lost enough of people. You deserved someone more stable. Plus... there's the issues I have with accepting myself. I never wanted to hide you because I was ashamed of you, I had to do it to hide myself."

It's soothing speeches like that that made me start having feelings for him in the first place. I'm still not sure how I felt about Erwin back then, or even now, but I knew there was something more to the relationship than sex. His personality bugged me to no end, but at the same time it comforted me because I knew he wouldn't be the one to betray me. Even after all these years he hasn't. We still hung out and he makes an effort to visit. He doesn't have to, but he does despite the fact he'll get nothing in return, not even sex.

There was a brief moment where I felt something very special for Erwin, I think. Almost like I could see myself with him. But when I realized he didn't want the same in return—to say the least, I was upset. That's the first time something like that ever happened. I never let myself get attached that deep before, especially over something so simple like casual sex. I was like a stupid guppy that took the bait and he managed catch me on a hook, but I was thrown back into the water just as fast. But I still had a little taste of a new world; a part of me was terrified of it because it could hurt me, but another part of me wanted to explore it more.

I can't hate Erwin for how it turned out, though. I understand his reasons—he has very valid points for not getting serious with me, and in a way I wasn't ever ready to be serious with him either. It wouldn't be fair for either of us. In the long run it was for the best.

"You always ruin the mood. I'm trying to get you laid, remember?" I broke off my thoughts with the casual remark, and Erwin smirked, knowing that was his cue to drop the topic. Unlike Eren, he didn't pester and keep picking at wounds I wanted to seal—but I (sometimes) like that about him. Many people give up, but Eren never does.

Before I let my thoughts be submerged by Eren and the reminder that him and Mikasa weren't safe at home, I distracted myself by skimming over the club again, looking for someone suitable to Erwin's taste—but I already pointed out every employee here. This reminded me of something.

"There used to be more to pick from. But it's gotten quieter since a lot of the dancers went missing."

"I've actually heard there's been a lot of recent kidnapping down here lately. Do you think that relates to their disappearance?"

I nodded sternly. "Definitely. I knew a lot of the people that went missing and they weren't the types to just pick up and take off without a word. At first I thought that was the case, but once so many of them stopped showing up I started suspecting there was something more sinister going on."

"That's something to be concerned about." Erwin added after a while of pondering. "With the lack of Military Police down here, it won't surprise me if the situation gets worse. I didn't know it was that serious, though. They make light of it in Wall Sina."

Of course they do. Those pigs up there like to pretend this place doesn't exist. They just send all their troubles down here, including the derelicts on the run that like to stir trouble up. As long as it's not harming the surface and their standings, they rather see the residence down here run a muck and be out of their hands.

After all, tax dollars are better spent on paying MP's to sit on their asses and drink than send a few down here to parole—but, it's a blessing that the system worked like that. Me and the kids wouldn't had lived an undisturbed life all these years if they kept sticking their noses down here.

"It's definitely becoming serious, though. According to the papers, six women have been kidnapped, four of which were from that playhouse down the street and five men in total have disappeared from here. It's usually very quiet in the underground aside from some muggers and drug dealers, but usually innocents don't get involved in this garbage. It's strange to say the least."

Erwin tossed his head aside, a grave expression appearing. "Please try to stay safe. And that goes for the kids too."

l never really thought about how serious this is until just now, though I  _should have_  since I've been through this situation before. I'm not just irresponsible, though. My thoughts have been clouded with a certain hot-tempered someone lately and I haven't thought about how dire this situation is. Actually, that just proves I'm irresponsible. I groaned at myself.

Mikasa always walks home alone pretty late from work; that's really not a routine that should persist. I made a mental note and decided it would be safer if I meet her, just to make sure she gets back safe from now on. But for the record, Mikasa's probably strong enough to handle some pervert harassing her, but better safe than sorry.

"What time do you get off?" Erwin asked out of the blue. I didn't even know what time it was for starters, but given the fact I didn't plan on making a final routine, I'm technically off the clock. "I'm already off, I'm just drinking. Why?"

"You should let me walk you home, just to be safe."

Don't tell me he's actually worried about  _me_  getting kidnapped. The kids, yeah. They're easy bait. But anyone who's stupid enough to try and kidnap me deserves the punishment I would serve them. I puffed on my cigarette, he coughed again as I replied, "Thanks officer friendly but I can handle myself. Besides, don't you wanna pick someone up here? Put your personal preferences off to the side for a night and get it over with. Just close your eyes and imagine you're fucking some tiny slut."

"About that...I changed my mind. I don't think I feel comfortable with going through with something like that. I thought I was but it just doesn't seem like the right way to go about it."

"Ugh. You're such a goody-goody. I hope you're not this polite on the field."

"I'm much more ruthless when it comes to preying on Titan's—people, not so much." He smiled, then insisted, "So are you going to let me walk you home or am I going to wait until you leave and follow you?"

"You're creepy, you know that?"

"I've been told." With that, it was decided that it was time to take my leave. I went into the back room and got some decent clothes on and met up with Erwin at the entrance. We departed together and walked side-by-side, making small talk on the way back to my place.

At one point we landed on a personal topic and it kept escalating. Erwin questioned me if I ever planned to settle down with someone. That question went through me like a speeding bullet. I didn't know how to react to such a sudden question. When I didn't answer, he went on to say, "Or maybe you're already with someone. Could this be another reason you're keeping distance from me?"

I looked up at him with no thought, fearing he was reading my mind somehow because he always touched a little too close to home with his theories.

"I'll take that as a yes." There was some added pep to his gait.

"I didn't say shit. You're assuming things."

"No, I'm just good at reading people. I don't need to be told the answer to know what it is. You just seem different from the last time I saw you—I merely guessed that you were seeing someone on a whim and your reaction gave me my answer."

I'm too drunk for his stupid riddles right now.

I didn't really want to get into it with him. My relationship with Erwin isn't as loose as it is with Hanji. For now, I had to bite my tongue on the details, not that I was really holding much back.

If I started running my mouth too much, I'd probably end up jinxing it anyway. "It's not what you might think. There's someone I've known for a while and I want to try something new with them, but we aren't together or anything. That's all there is to it."

A playful hum vibrated in Erwin's throat. I glanced away from the glistening look in his eyes with aggravation. I focused on my feet moving along the pavement. "The fuck you smiling about?" I mumbled into my flap of my coat.

"You're usually very blunt and you're never afraid to tell me how it is while looking me straight in the eye—but look at you now. I barely recognize you."

"Maybe you'll recognize me if I bash your head in a few times."

"I'm not teasing, Levi." Daringly, I gazed up at him again. His face straightened out forcefully. "I'm _relieved_ to see you like this."

First Hanji, now him. There's an annoying pattern going on here and it needs to end. Both said I look different, like no way they've seen me before when I'm referring to  _Eren_. What the fuck is wrong with my face? It must look hideous.

This has been something I've noticed lately. Each day I have less control over it. I lose control over the strained muscles holding up my bland expression and I'll catch myself smirking at thin air. Sometimes my hands start sweating and I can't even think, or the words simply come out in the wrong order.

Worst of all, I can't stop thinking about that fucking kid.

Eren, Eren, Eren, Eren, Eren,  _ **EREN**_ **.**

Thoughts of him is all that occupies my mind lately. It's driving me fucking nuts. This has to be some kind of disorder—I've always been the obsessive type. No matter how much I try to avoid getting in this same old rut, I do time and time again. I can't just like something recreationally. This is why it's intimidating to get close to people; when I do, I don't know how to let go.

The irrational fears of losing Eren and Mikasa were natural all these years. I knew how it felt to lose them once. The awful dread and helplessness that invaded me when I thought I'd never see them again was something I never wanted to live though again and I let that fear become a part of me. I even went as far as accepting that attachment to them—it strengthened me in a way, because I felt that I could always protect them if my reasons were potent enough.

But this fixation toward Eren became much more fierce as time went on. The past week alone proved my mind is incapable of straying too far from him. What's most surprising is it's not even all negative thoughts—I still have my anxieties about the current situation between us, but half the time my mind just directs me to pointless images of him, or meaningless words he spoke days before—whatever it may be about, it's  _always_ about  _him_ and _him_ only.

We live in the same house, share our meals together—we even sleep in the same damn bed. Sleep can't even separate us from each other anymore because I can still feel his warmth in my dreams. You'd think I can spare five fucking seconds away from him and let my mind wonder about something else, but I can't even escape him in my own head.

Even when I try to reflect on the day ahead, like chores or errands I need to take care of, my mind does a complete U-Turn and flies right back to Eren, like a stupid moth returning to the same flame over and over again despite the damage it's causing it.

The harder I try to fool myself into keeping my mind busy, the closer he gets. No matter what's on my mind, he's always sitting in the back, waiting to knock down all the barriers I set up and stand in the front lines, waving to get my attention.

It's getting out of control. His name echo's in my head  _so much_ and I'm actually getting sick of the way it sounds—but for some unexplained reason my heart will skip when I say it out loud. It's fucking gross and I don't know what's happening to me.

I even told Hanji the other night that I'm actually concerned for the way my body has been acting up lately and considered seeing a doctor—and you know what that shitty-glasses diagnosed me with? Lovesickness.

_Love-fucking-sickness._

It was at that point I confiscated her booze and told her to scram. As if I'm going to take advice from a mortician's daughter that gets off on Titan's. Come to think of it, Titan's and their non-existent dicks probably know more about love and relationships more than her.

By the time we made it to the stoop of my house, Erwin was already off the topic, even though I never stopped thinking about it ever since it came up. That probably explained why I couldn't even remember half of the trip home. I readied my keys and unlocked the door. I was about to say a simple good night and head inside, but Erwin said something that made me turn around and grimace.

"Do you need any money?"

"What are you, my sugar daddy now? No, I don't."

He rolled his eyes at me, breathing like he was bothered. "I know you're all independent but you also have two kids. Kids are expensive and I like to contributed when I can."

"Like I said, I'm fine." In reality, I was kind of short because I barely made anything tonight, but I had other ways of getting money without being direct about it.

Erwin insisted by reaching into his back pocket—I eyed his actions carefully. Soon enough (as expected) he started checking his other pocket and patted himself down after rechecking his coat pouches.

"Shit. I think I left my wallet at the bar."

Bite your lip, Levi. Don't let this dumbass give you away. I repeated that to myself a few times for good measure and let out a casual reply, "You're getting forgetful in your old age."

He presented me with a peeved look, then turned his heel. "I'll be back, I probably just left it on the counter."

I simply nodded and closed the door. I leaned my back against it, rifled through my pockets and pulled out his wallet. I took what I believed was a fair rate for putting up with him tonight.

Like I said, I have ways of making money without being direct about it.

I opened the door back up and called out to Erwin, who didn't get very far from the house. I waved his wallet in the air to get his attention.

"I forgot I grabbed it for you."

He blinked at me like I just performed a magic trick. "Thanks—you saved me a lot of trouble. Now, please let me give you something."

Poor dumb Erwin. If only he knew I already helped myself and his kindness was already taken advantage of.

He split the wallet open, closed it, then opened it again, as if that would magically make money appear.

"Wha—I could of swore I brought more money with me tonight. There's no way I went through three-hundred dollars just drinking..."

"I don't know about that, you were ordering some expensive girly drinks—you probably over tipped a dancer too. You're too drunk to remember."

"Really?" He huffed out, bewilderment mixing up his handsome features."You know, this happened so many times now. I'm starting to think I'm being robbed by one of the criminals down here."

I shrugged, agreeing. Thank God I'm talented at keeping my face straight, anyone else would've cracked by this point. "You never know. Some thugs will just slip your wallet right out of your pocket and put it back before you even notice."

"Yeah... Maybe I'll stay away from drinking for a while. Anyway—looks like I'm forced to put a raincheck on my offer."

"Nah, don't worry about it. I made plenty of money tonight."

After scratching his head a few times, he returned his empty wallet to his pocket and said his goodbyes, telling me we need to hang out more often. Hanging out with him is very profitable, so of course I agreed. At least I made up my loses tonight.

"Well, take care."

"You too." Once closing the door, I uttered a quick " _dumbass_ " that had been stored in my throat.

Tiredness caught up with me as I took off my jacket and hung it up on the hook. Noticing the house seemed unlively, I figured I got back before the brats. To be sure, I called out for Eren and Mikasa, but got no response. I guess they're not back yet.

I always felt uneasy when they went out without me; the vibe the empty house gave off left me with a miserable sensation—this feeling has been sticking with me ever since they left.

After they were kidnapped all those years ago, I felt something bad was going to happen to them if I didn't keep a constant eye on them. As they got older I tried to give them freedom but in the back of my mind I'm always hoping for their safe return.

It was a pretty late showing, so they might be heading back now. I'll give them time, but if they're not back in another hour I'll just have to go look for them—but they're going to  _wish_  they were kidnapped if they make me search the streets for them.

As I waited, I made some tea to calm my nerves as I kept a strict gaze on the clock. Stupid Erwin. As if I wasn't worried enough about them as it was, but it's his fault I reminded myself of all those kidnappings lately. I couldn't even keep my tea down once that thought popped in my head.

Just as I was about to set my cup down and put my coat back on, I heard familiar voices leaking in through the other side of the door. My nerves dispensed with a deep breath. Thank God.

The moment they walked in, the house was lively again—just how I liked it. All this time, sitting here waiting was deafeningly quiet. Even Eren's loud, obnoxious mouth was music to my ears right now. They seemed to have brought a conversation in with them, but once it grew quiet I asked, "How was the show?"

"It was great. Eren hasn't shut up about it once since we left. And to think he complained the entire day, dreading to see it."

"It wasn't  _bad._ That's all I'm saying." It looked as though he had more to say than that. Mikasa probably received an ear full the whole way home. I know how much Eren could ramble on when he's excited about something. "And I'll admit some of the songs were really catchy."

"Well, it's good to see you enjoyed yourselves."

"Yeah, I wish you could have came though." Eren pulled out a chair and sat across from me. After a long yawn and a stretch he asked, "So how was work?"

"Same old. Well, actually I bumped into Erwin there."

Eren heaved his head back at this, I couldn't have anticipated the face he made. I tried to ignore it as Mikasa went on to say it was nice I ran into him, but Eren wasn't on the same page as her at all and I soon found out why.

"Wait. What the hell was Erwin doing in a strip club?" Eren laughed back at Mikasa, expecting her to laugh along with him but she just remained blank-faced. He turned his laugh to me—but his face straighten up in a deadly instant. He slaps a hand over his mouth with bulging eyes. I whirled around the table and grabbed him up and out of his seat by the collar.

"You little  _bastard._  You followed me  _again_?" He winced and tried to speak, but I was too satisfied with his suffering to allow him to make pathetic excuses.

"Levi!" Mikasa hollered, and that was the  _only thing_ that saved Eren from being strangled. I loosened my hold, but my grudge still remained. "This is unforgivable, Yeager."

He rubbed his neck as he sank back into the chair. "What are you getting so upset about? I thought you were a  _bartender_..."

I tilted my head back at him. Then realized I might have jumped the gun. Shit. "Well, yeah...I am. I just serve drinks there, that's it."

"Really now. Hm. Wonder why you got so upset about it then. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were stripper."

This asshole is playing games. He fucking knows and he's trying to fuck with my head further. I don't know why I was hiding it in the first place.

Oh, that's right. I was sick of his stripper jokes.

"Eren—" My deadly glare on him diminished with a sigh. He's lucky I'm too tired to kick his ass. I wanted to attack him right now and teach him not to be a little shit with physical punishment, but I didn't have the strength, plus with Mikasa here I wouldn't get away with it. "Just—go in the trash where you belong."

I straightened myself out and sat back down. That brat could never keep anything nice. Just when the setting felt normal for a change he goes and pushes the wrong buttons on me.

"What exactly  _is_  a stripper?" Mikasa questioned. "I know that's what you do for a living but I have no idea what it is."

Eren readied his big mouth with a breath, but I spoke up in time before he had the chance to interfere. "It's..." How the fuck do I explain this? "It's someone who— _sort of_ —performs for money. That's all,  _right Eren_?" I sent him a lethal glance, and he nodded his head obediently.

An unexpected gasped later, Mikasa's eyes lit up and enthusiasm filled her dull tone. "So you're like a show performer? Like the people in the play?"

"Uh... not exactly."

Eren looked like he was about to burst. There's obviously a hidden laugh suffocating in this throat—his face was so red and was about to pop. As his eyes watered, he smacked a hand on table and tried not to unleash the blast of obnoxious laughter.

I clenched my teeth on him. And to think he has the nerve to say  _my_  sense of humor is awful. Soon enough, Mikasa's soft voice pulled my eyes away from him.

"Do you think I see one of your shows, Levi? I would love to see your performance."

Finally erupting, Eren's head flung back and a wave of roaring laughter filled the room. He clapped his hands together as tears streamed down his cheeks. "I can't breathe!"

"Good.  _Die_."

I held my head. I take it back, I rather the house quiet and empty. It was much more peaceful before. Why was I worried about these stupid brats anyway? Once I made it clear that this topic was strictly forbidden to speak about, Mikasa grew bored and showed herself to her room, leaving Eren and I alone. I kept sending him dirty looks as I finished my tea.

"Oh come on, stop being mad. It was funny." A few remaining giggles remained in his words. He glanced over to the clock on the wall but my hard glare on him never swayed. "It's a little too early for this, but it's technically the next day, so..." After digging through his pocket, he flung something on the table. "Here—I got this for you, so cheer up."

Peeking over my mug, I curled my nose at the colorful heart suddenly decorating the table. "What's this?"

"It's—It's for Valentine's day." Eren kept looking back and forth between the table and me, like he was compulsively checking for my reaction, but I didn't give him one. He tensed up and tried to explain himself. "It was Mikasa idea. I know it's corny, but I thought picking you up something sweet wouldn't be a terrible idea."

Silently, I set down my cup and picked up the candy. Indeed, it was very corny. I hated the look of it—but it was my favorite kind. I sighed and set it back down. Eren curiously watched me as I lifted myself from the chair, dug through one of the kitchen draws and threw him a bar of chocolate that was previously hidden away. He tried to catch it in his hands, but he ended up picking it up from his lap.

"You...You got this for me?"

"No. I got it for myself." I sat back down and didn't bother looking at his stupid expression.

"...Are you being sarcastic?"

"No. I deliberately bought it for myself so I could eat it myself, but I like the kind you got more. It was out when I went to the store."

Maybe the way I was putting it didn't sound very  _romantic_ like it should be—I'm basically saying I see it as an exchange and not a gift. Still, I appreciate the thought.

Regardless, Eren still seemed pleased with this, and a genuine smile plastered across his face. But of course, Eren could keep anything  _nice_. "You're kind of pathetic for getting a Valentine gift for yourself."

"And you're pathetic for actually buying me a Valentine gift. We're even."

This will backfire later when I wake up with a stomach ache, but I decided to eat the chocolate before bed, and Eren did as well. During this, Eren went into details about the play and I pointed out the changes they made from the original book. Before I knew it I already ate the whole heart-shaped bar of chocolate. Feeling unsatisfied, I started snapping off pieces from his.

"Uh..." He gave me a displeased look as he watched me help myself.

"What, I bought it. I can have some." He only ate a few blocks of it so far, he probably won't be able to finish it anyway.

"That's not how Valentine's gifts work bit okay."

After indulging on a second row incessantly, Eren decided to just slid the rest of the chocolate my way, making it easier for me to reach. Maybe he thought I was distracted and this was his chance to bring a thought to life, "You know, my birthday is still quite a long way from now."

"A month and a half isn't that far away."

"It is for me."

Ugh, no. Not that pouty look. I don't have the patience right now and I really didn't want to get into this because I knew where this conversation was headed. I'd end up telling him he's lucky I'm even taking him out in the first place—which would surely start an argument of some kind. I just want to eat and go to bed without any more drama stirring tonight. Wearing a blank expression, I handled the situation the best way I could and by shoving large pieces of chocolate passed his lips to block any more nonsense from coming out of that big mouth.

"What, you trying to be romantic and hand feed me?" He nearly choked on his last word, and I'm sure that answered his question but I made myself clear anyway.

"I'm trying to get you to shut up."

He started swatting his arms around like he was being attacked by a swarm of bees. "S-Sto—p shovin' them all n' muh mouff—!"

After painfully swallowing without chewing properly, he wiped his chocolate-covered mouth on the back of his hand, but all that did was smear it across his face.

"Now you have it all over you face."

"Ah... it's all over my hands too." He held up his palms, just realizing now how filthy they were. The candy must have melted while he held it. His body temperature is abnormally hot, I should have seen that coming.

I rolled my eyes. I can't even enjoy myself for two seconds—now I know how mothers with messy children feel. It's like I'm taking care of a five year old sometimes. Fed up with looking at this pig, I got up and rung out a rag and handed it to him. While he focused on wiping off his hands, I idled beside him, watching. After a moment of little thought, I leaned down and rested a hand on his shoulder. Before he could react, my tongue had slipped from my mouth and the wetness cleansed the chocolate clear from his cheek.

I pulled myself away without a word, and sat back down across from him, sipping at my tea. He stared across from me, eyes wide and blinking in shock.

"Did you just—?!"

"—Lick you? Yeah. It just seemed like a waste"

"You—" His fingers lightly lingered over the dampness left on his cheek, like he was disbelieving the new sensations overpowering that patch of skin. "You either like chocolate  _way_  too much or you're starting to  _really_  like me."

"Have fun pondering which is true."

Maybe now that impatience of his will die down. What I just did will surely hold us  _both_  over until his birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The date is coming up in the next chapter. SURPRISE! What, you thought I was going to wait out a month and a half? Fufu you're confusing me with someone with self control. I'M VERY EXCITED! I know these few past chapters have been a bit slow development-wise, but I hope I could make it up to everyone with the next one. Prepare yourselves for a lot of feels. :3
> 
> Also! I foreshadowed it a bit in this chapter, but there's going to be a little side plot in this arc (once Eren and Levi get their shit together a bit) and there will be two more familiar characters popping in soon~


	21. Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has been looking forward to his date with Levi for months—but not in a thousand years could he had foreseen this outcome. During their tryst, Levi reaches a boiling point and soon the crippling restraints holding him back crumbles, leaving him free to pursue his desires.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, guys: The Big Event! I think I mentioned before that the date would be in Eren's POV, but change of plans. This chapter and the next will switch back and forth a bit. Sorry for the whiplash. n_n; Hope you guys enjoy this!

**~Eren's POV~**

My heart was thumping madly and I couldn't keep my hands still even if I tried—and I have, many times. This proved to be a problem while I washed the dishes. The simple task of keeping the sponge from slipping from my grasp became nearly impossible, but I was too deep in a fog to notice my stagnation.

There was a slight delay in every motion, every thought in my mind. Even when I heard the distant echo of Levi's words directed at me from behind it didn't penetrate until my sharpened name was called.

" _Eren."_

I dropped what I was doing and spun around, my arms shielded in front of me as I faced the man below my gaze. His arms were folded against his chest and his weight shifted to one side fussily. I scrambled for something to say.

"I'm sorry, what were saying? I'm a little spaced out."

"I've noticed. You've been cleaning that same plate for ten minutes now." Disbelieving him, I checked back to the sink and saw it was still cluttered even after all this time standing there. I turned back to him ruefully.

"Sorry..."

"I'm used to it." Levi rolled up his sleeves and brushed me aside. I sidestepped and allowed him to steal my place at the sink. "You always do a shitty job so someone else will pick up the slack. I don't even know why I bother giving you chores anymore."

"It's not like I do that on purpose." My knees caved in; for no reason given that I didn't do anything too strenuous today. I caught my balance on the back of the chair. Once I sat, my eyes lingered on Levi's back for a while as he scrubbed thoroughly, but soon my gaze fell into my cupped hands resting on the table.

All audio in the space was taken up by the constant stream of water coming from the sink and dishes rattling. Steadily, I breathed in through my nose in an effort to calm down. I wished I could say something—but I didn't have anything to say. Not to Levi, not anyone, really. The thoughts that occupied my mind were my own and I'm responsible for dealing with them—that is, until Levi pressed his back against the counter, eyes affixed on me as he wiped his wet hands on a rag.

"Spit it out."

I just gave him a look; one dense enough to earn a bothered sigh and a roll of the neck from him. "Something is wrong. Tell me what it is."

"Nothing's wrong _._ " I said, and it was the truth as far as I knew. The past month and a half has went by smoothly. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. The weeks went by agonizingly slow up until the past week, which went by in a flash. This left me rather disorientated when I realized how the time flew.

Despite waking up early, I did rest well last night. I can't blame my current mood on lack of sleep. Levi was in cleaning mode as usual and I've been tending to the house chores with him since morning, but that wasn't bothering me either. It was ordinary routine, after all. Just like its always been.

I reminded myself of this—that nothing changed—and yet here I am, feeling the way I do now. I feel different, like something happened or like something was  _about to_  and my body was naturally preparing itself ahead of time for a disaster, or a big change. Whether you're about to attend a funeral or a wedding the feeling is still the same. Those unsettling butterflies in your pit of your stomach that flutter around right before something happens, good or bad. That's what I'm feeling right now.

"Are you feeling sick?" Levi looked stumped, his squinting eyes held many questions like he was internally trying to figure me out on his own accord since I gave no signs of filling him in. "You didn't eat much today. Did you catch a stomach virus or something?"

For the first time today, my lips forced upwards; a distant look in my eyes. It's not nice of me to make him worry for no reason. I could at least assure him that I'm fine until I do figure out what's wrong. "I'm not sick, I don't think." I clutched my folded hands together tighter. "My stomach has been really jumpy today, though." I figured I wouldn't be able to hold much down with my stomach in the condition its been in, so I didn't try to force myself to eat much. This must have rose a flag. I'm not one to normally pass up meals.

Levi's lips pressed together. He looked passed me as he spoke. "If you want to lay down, go ahead. You helped me out enough today."

"No—I'm not tired." But laying down and shutting my mind off for a while did sound tempting. My head was pulsing tightly against my skull. I couldn't figure out what caused the headache. It's been a peaceful day. Just like everyday these past few weeks.

In an instant, his eyes flicked over to the chair beside me. His movements were faster than I could detect and before I knew it he was seated, looking straight forward. "It's okay."

The sudden reassurance came from nowhere. I felt like I missed half of the conversation. "...What is?"

Flicking his eyes on me, his lips parted like he was hesitating on explaining something that already seemed clear to him. "It's okay to be in a weird mood. If you're not sick and you're not tired, then it must mean you're just having one of those days. It happens to everyone. I've been in a weird mood for a while now and can't get out of it."

"I...haven't really noticed." Then again, Levi's always stoic so it's hard to tell what mood he's in. It's easy to confuse enjoyment and boredom when it comes to this guy. "Do you know what caused the mood?"

"Sort of. But knowing doesn't really fix it. Sometimes you just have to let it run its course. Do you know what's causing  _your_  mood?" With an arm warped over the back of the chair, he faced me with full attention. My eyes retreated to my lap.

"I'm not sure—I just woke up really anxious." It's almost laughable—I've been walking on clouds for weeks now. I've been in such high spirits, but I suppose I used up all that energy and needed a recharge.

I shook my head with a tight lip. Levi witnessed this silently. It's not that I ran out of fuel, it's just I finally arrived to my destination. The road trip, per se, was over. That's usually the funnest part of a trip, but once you get there the new environment could be a little overwhelming. Scary, even.

You're on new grounds and even though the scenery is exotic and exciting, you get a little homesick. The road is fun, because you know exactly where you're going. The map draws it all out for you, but once you make it there you don't even know where to go, where to begin, or what to expect. It isn't a bad feeling necessary, but adjusting to new sensations could be intimidating.

Finally, I let my mind touch on a subject I've been trying to dodge since the moment I woke up. I've done a good job at keeping it buried in the back of my head, but the side effects were still effecting me regardless.

My jaw clenched as I swallowed hard. "You know, my birthday is tomorrow."

Levi relaxed his shoulders and leaned back far enough to make the chair creak, his gaze flitted around the kitchen. "How can I forget? You've been reciting a countdown everyday for the whole month of March."

What can I say, I'm guilty. I've been so excited for the days leading up to this and I couldn't stop thinking about it. But now my hands were damp at the thought and I've been avoiding the topic of my birthday all day.

A hard, cornered-stare landed on me. "What, you upset about getting older? Wouldn't blame you. It's all downhill from here, kid—but you're still too young to be depressed about your birthday. Me on the other hand, I'm allowed to be a cranky bastard because I'm reaching thirty. But you have no room to complain."

"It's not that. Geez, I  _wish_  I was older."

"Then what is it? You've been raving on about it all month. But now it's a day before and you're all gloomy. It's odd, you usually don't make a big deal about your birthday."

"I-I have something to look forward to now—don't I?"

Levi stared at my offended expression silently for a few beats, leaving me unanswered with my mouth parted.

"You do? Hm, then I wonder why you're in a bad mood." Wonder laced his soft tone. "If you  _do_ have something to look forward to, then why are you feeling this way?"

That's a good point. There's no reason for me to be behaving so negatively. What happened overnight? My fists trembling on the table reminded me.

Right—I'm  _nervous_. I went from excited, to curious, to hopeful and shortly after to a little overwhelmed. Today, I woke up feeling downright scared, but couldn't figure it out right away so I pushed it aside. Now, my nerves are leaking out from trying to prematurely clog the buildup.

For a split second here I relaxed; reminding myself that I  _did_  have something important to look forward to. For a long time, I've been waiting patiently for this moment to happen.

—But then what Levi said finally clicked. What is there to look forward to if he's questioning  _me_  about it? The plans all rely on him, after all. Don't tell me he forgot about it while I'm going through this whirlwind of emotions all month for no reason.

I felt the need to remind him, and just that alone had my anxiety spiking again. I cleared my throat, eyes straying. I couldn't stand how Levi's eyes were looking directly at me. There was a glint in his eyes I didn't recognize. It was hard to tell if that stare was good or bad.

"We're—We're still on for the...date, right?"

There was a long pause, so long in fact that I had to check if he heard me. When my eyes landed on him, we held each others gazes for a while. I don't even know how I managed that without breaking the stare. He just kept sitting there with his back a little hunched as he tortured me in anticipation.

Levi broke the contact first by closing his eyes. "Yes. For the thousandth-fucking-time, yes, Eren."

My racing heart quieted. I wanted to sigh in relief but I felt that it would be too much. "Okay, okay. It's just—you never bring it up. I keep thinking you changed your mind."

"I would tell you if I did. There's just nothing to talk about. You want it to be a surprise so I intend to keep it that way."

"When I said that—I didn't really mean it, you can tell me we're were going. I rather be prepared."

"I kept it a secret all this time, might as well keep it one until the end." He allowed himself time to think—or recall, then nodded at his own thoughts. "There's nothing to prepare for really. You don't need to bring anything and you can wear whatever you want. All preparations on my end has already been taken care of."

"Preparations...? Like what?" I waited for a reply. He didn't budge. "C'mon, I really need to know where we're going after saying something like that."

But Levi simply folded his arms stubbornly. Just when I thought the conversation ended, he slanted close to me and added in some final, pondering words. "Instead of being nervous, try to guess where I'm going to taking you tomorrow. It'll keep your mind off of whatever's causing your 'weird mood'."

I could be mistaken, but there was the smallest hint of a smile on his lips after he said that. And when those words finally penetrated my mind, he was gone; off to tidy up the rest of the house. I was left there alone, staring at my hands that were much dryer than before.

Soon enough, I had a small smile that matched the one he gave me. Reviewing our conversation now, I realized that Levi knew the reason for my mood all along, he was just trying to be casual about it and not put me on the spot. He was never the type to be direct or pry, but that doesn't mean he isn't skilled at finding other ways to involve himself. That was one of the great things about having Levi raise me all these years—he wasn't like some parents that forcibly interfere and snooped too much, but he still cared enough to hand out some subtle advice when he saw a backdoor open.

He knows I'm nervous about tomorrow. I wasn't even that sure myself, but he knew before I did. There's no possible way for someone to force another to not feel that way—but he didn't give empty assurance by telling me everything would be fine or that I was over-thinking. No—he offered me something else to think about instead, something to replace the anxieties. Levi stayed true to his subtle nature and cheered me up in the only (and best) way he could.

His words were effective because soon enough I was feeling more motivated to carry out the day. The chair scuffed the floor as I pushed out from the table and lifted out of the seat. I joined up with Levi in the living room. I wandered close behind him, folding my arms as I looked up over his head at bookcase he was currently in front of. On the tips of his toes, Levi stretched his duster as far as he could, but to no avail.

"Need any help?"

A little panicky jump later, he shot me a startled glare over his shoulder. I must of snuck up on him and frightened him—I should do that more often, he looked really cute there for a second.

" _I got it,_ " he lowered his brows, jaw set tight. Someone his age really shouldn't send such awful death glares at people. It's honestly surprising how he stayed so young looking while making faces like that.

I stood there patiently, waiting for Levi to prove to me that he truly ' _got it_ ' but he simply fiddled with the handle of the duster and looked between me and his arch nemesis: the top shelf.

"Make yourself useful and do something." He jabbed the duster in my gut and walked off mumbling, "I have better things to do than dust anyway."

In other words, he couldn't handle it but he didn't want to admit it or fail in front of me. That's to be expected when it comes to Levi. Like I mentioned before, Levi has a very subtle nature.

Eventually (and fortunately) the chores came to an end and so did the day. I was in a better mood than before—no longer was I spaced out and my stomach managed calm down considerably on its own.

Levi and I ended up walking into town to pick Mikasa up from work. This has been a new tradition between us lately. When he first suggested we should walk her home from now on, I questioned him on this and he informed me that there's been a lot of kidnappings and he didn't feel right about letting her walk home alone at an unruly hour of the evening. I agreed that it was probably for the best if we picked her up from now on. Mikasa didn't care either way, but always thanked us for going out of our way for her.

Once we arrived back home, we all ate together at the dinning table. I was the one who cooked and believe it or not, I managed to receive a compliment from Levi: aka my worst critic. We swapped some chatter—Mikasa talked about work, Levi talked about some new book he was reading and I decided to be a dick and spoil the ending since I already read it twice. In all fairness, he spoiled at least a dozen stories for me and I don't get many chances to return the favor since the guy read nearly every book in existence.

The familiar nightly audio of bickering and laughs faded out between us once the clock-hands reached a late hour.

I collapsed in the center of the bed after removing my shirt and throwing on pajama pants. It feels extra hot tonight, hot enough to make me pull up the sleeves of my pants passed my knees; not that it made a difference. I'd bet anything that once Levi returns from brushing his teeth downstairs he'll start complaining about how cold it is. We definitely share entirely different blood. Not that this was a bad thing—our body types went as far as complimenting each other, in fact. I was able to warm him up, and his chilled skin cooled me off some.

Creaking and dreary, tired steps drew into ear shot. I lifted my head in time to see Levi arrive at the top off the stairs.

"It's fucking cold," he muttered to himself, just as I predicted and he trailed off to the dresser and put something warmer over his shirt. The white knitted sweater fit baggy on him and the sleeves nearly reached the tips of his fingers. Mikasa actually made him the sweater last Christmas—back when she first taught herself knitting and blamed the sizing on her amateur skills. He still really loved the top regardless and said it was comfortable. He would never wear it out, but it's something he often throws on around the house.

Levi tugged the neat blanket out from under me. I wiggled to find the comfort I lost as he tightly wrapped himself up like a cocoon. His head landed hard on my chest when he crashed into me, his ear right against my heart. I readjusted my arm naturally and wrapped it around his back, cupping his shoulder with caressing fingers.

"Um...Levi?"

"Mm."

"About tomorrow..."

"Oh my God Eren." Irritated, he punched down on my peck. Even though it was a drowsy blow, it still left a sting. "As I said, we're still on for tomorrow. Stop asking about it."

"No, I know. I just wanted to know if there's a certain time I should wake up."

His hair tickled my skin as he shook his head against my chest "You can sleep as late as you want. We're not leaving until sunset."

"Sunset?" His head bobbed against my chest as I laughed. "I haven't heard that word for a while." Ever since we moved underground, I noticed no one used those terms to tell the time simply because there is no sunrise, sunset, only constant darkness. It's more efficient to just specify the time, but then again it was easy to slip out words like that out of habit.

"So, around six or seven?"

"Yeah, somewhere around that time—just don't start dwelling on it. There's no reason to get worked up."

"I'm not."

"You know I can hear your heart, right?"

". . . . . ." I guess there's no way of denying it. The moment I thought of our date, my blood started pumping and I became even hotter than before.

By this time tomorrow night, we'll probably be done with the date and be at home, in bed just as we are now. I wonder—what will I be thinking about then?

Will I be thinking about how great it went, or will I be internally cursing myself for screwing up my only chance with him? There's no telling what I'd be thinking at this time tomorrow and I decided to take Levi's advice and not get too worked up about it.

Instead I focused on the texture of Levi's silky hair running through the tips of my fingers. The gentle massage must have soothed him because soon enough his breathing pattern changed, making it clear that he had been lulled to sleep.

I suppose it's easy for him. He has nothing to worry about—he already knows where we're going tomorrow while I'm still trying to expect the unexpected. I couldn't help but wonder how tomorrow would go and if it would be successful or not. I frowned up at the ceiling.

Both possible outcomes scared me equally. If I manage to ruin the date, then there's a chance that Levi will never take me on another one and we won't ever further our relationship. But if it goes great...then that will lead to steeper steps to climb. Taking the next step with Levi is all I ever wanted, but thinking of us doing more than just cuddling at night makes me skittish. Although I'm  _ready_ , I'm inexperienced and Levi isn't the most tolerant man within the walls. If Levi hates something, he boldly says it and he will make you feel like shit for daring to tick him off or waste his time. It won't be easy for an amateur like me to impress a guy like that.

I've kissed Levi a million times in my mind, but in reality I'd probably be pretty terrible at it. My imagination also showed me doing the dirtiest things it could summon, but again, I'd probably have no idea how to skillfully (or even effectively) have sex with him.

This sucks—I should be happy but the outcome I'm rooting for is equally terrifying.

Despite what Levi said, I  _did_  dwell on the date until  _hours_  had passed. Trying to trick my mind into sleeping didn't work. I tried to close my eyes and think of absolutely nothing, but by the time I realized it I was back into deep thought with another hour of time gone.

I couldn't even jerk myself off to wear my body out and numb my thoughts. Levi had my wrist locked in his hand tightly and my other was trapped under him. Plus he's quite literally on top of me; his little heavy body partially pinning me down. It's not worth waking him up just to move him off me. I'm too comfortable, anyway—but if I am, then why the hell can't I get to sleep?

Fussily, I readjusted my head on the pillow and glanced at the clock with heavy bags under my eyes.

"Shit..."

It's already morning. Starting my birthday frustrated and sleep deprived was definitely not the kickoff I envisioned.

**~x~**

"Mmm." I groaned and I struggled to keep my lids from opening just a  _little_ bit longer so I can enjoy another moment of blissful rest—but there was a nagging, persistent poke stinging my arm that kept me from drifting back off. I squirmed under the jabbing pain and slit my eyes open slowly.

"It's about time you woke up. I know I said you can sleep as late as you want, but I didn't think you'd sleep _this_  late _._ "

"...Levi?" I recognized the voice, but my blurry vision blocked me from seeing him fully. Once the film cleared away, I saw that he was right over me, standing at the side of the bed with an unreadable, yet ominous gaze.

My eyes blinked dumbly at him, trying to process his former words. I must have slept in. Now I'm in for it. He usually gives me a ten minute speech about how useless I am if I wake up past noon. I let out a stretch and a yawn. "Sorry, it took forever to fall asleep last night. What time is it?"

"A little past five."

The covers came flying off me and the bed in an instant as I slung myself forward. " _Five_? Why didn't you wake me up sooner?"

With a sigh, Levi took small steps around the bed and bent at the foot of it to lift the blanket off the ground. He shook it out and folded it as he spoke. "I normally would—I hate seeing you sleep the day away like a lazy lump, but it's your birthday. I thought it would be rude of me to wake you up sooner."

"My birthday..." I scratched my head in an effort to force my brain to power on sooner. I swung my legs off the side of the bed, holding my temple. Bolting up right from a dead sleep is never a good idea.

Levi patiently waited for me to get my head on straight, then let out a demanding order once that patience ran out of time. "Hurry up and get ready. We're leaving in an hour."

"Ready for...?" My head jerked back; my eyes growing in full alertness.

_The date._

I had all this time to brace myself yet I'm still not mentally prepared for this. Daringly, I peeked over at Levi, who gave no sign of stress.

"I'll wait downstairs." By the time I blinked, he was already out of my sight. I took a very long, needed breath before finding my feet.

After putting some clothes on, I hunched over the vanity and got a good look at myself in the mirror. I made a mental note to wash my face to rinse the sleep from my eyes and dried drool from my lip. Other than that, I didn't look  _too_  terrible.

Today really is the day...huh? My blood rushed at the reminder.

When I was twelve, fifteen felt so far away—but here I stand three years later. I distinctly remember Levi saying he'd think about giving me a chance once I reached this age. Holding the lip of the vanity tightly, I took a deep breath. I absolutely cannot fuck today up. I feel like I'm prepping myself for a tournament I'll be judged on rather than a date, but I don't care. I want Levi. I want him so bad and this might be my one and only chance.

I ran a comb through my hair—and of course, I was having a bad hair day. That's what I get for going to sleep with my hair still damp. I tried the push the volume down the best I could, then traveled passed the stairs and into the bathroom where I finished getting ready. Later, I slid into the kitchen.

"Hey Eren." Mikasa got up out of seat and approached me with a small smile. "Happy birthday." I was pulled into a hug, and although I returned it, my eyes were skimming over her shoulder.

"Where'd Levi go?"

She pulled away and brushed my hair out of my eyes, it took her a few attempts but the strains finally stayed in their rightful place. "He's outside having a smoke. He said he'll be back in a minute. Why?"

I shook my head. I don't know why I got paranoid for a second—it's not like he'd leave for the date without me. That kind of defeats the purpose of a date. "Since when does he smoke outside?"

"He's been smoking a lot all day, much more than usual. You should have seen the kitchen before. It was so smoky I thought we burned the cake. I guess he doesn't want that to happen again."

My eyes flickered off her and onto the table, where a cake worthy of being a displayed in a bakery sat.

"I feel bad for sleeping in late after you went into so much trouble. I'm definitely having a piece before I leave, though."

"You sure that's a good idea?" Mikasa questioned motherly, but it was already too late. I already made up my mind and walked off to cut myself a slice. "It might upset your stomach. You should eat a proper meal before you leave."

"Nah, it's fine. I'm still kind of tired so the sugar will give me a boost." And other than that, my stomach was in no condition to hold much down.

Mikasa took a seat beside me and watched for my reaction as I took a bite—but there was no need for her to check. I'm sure her and Levi already know I find their baking skills far superior to mine.

"Who's idea was it to put strawberries in?" I asked, the favor rolling around my tongue.

"Levi's..." She looked between me in the cake, worried. "Why? Do you not like it?"

"No—No I  _like_ it, I've been craving strawberries." I don't remember ever mentioning it, though.

"Yeah, that's what he said too."

I stopped chewing for a second. I guess I did mention it. Seems like Levi has a better memory than me.

"Anyway—Levi and I did a lot of talking while you were asleep," she tapped her nails against the table and her next line was sang teasingly, "I know where he's taking you today. But no, I'm not telling you. Just thought I'd rub that in your face."

"Awh c'mon," I whined in the most irritating pitch I could create. I checked on the static front door and turned back to her in a whisper. "Tell me while he's away. I'm  _dying_ to know. I promise, I'll still put on a surprised act so he doesn't suspect anything."

But Mikasa proved to be just as stubborn as Levi as she folded her arms. "All I'll say is that I'm honestly surprised you didn't wake up and hear it for yourself earlier. Levi and I didn't really  _agree_  that it was a good idea at first. We kind of...argued. But after some convincing, I realized it was a nice idea. I think you'll enjoy yourself."

I thought she was done there and I was about to go over everything she just said and resort to begging again because all she did is make me more curious, but with an earnest expression she went on to say, "I trust him with you, so I know it'll be alright. But if you don't feel comfortable with it then you can back out, no pressure. I'm sure Levi will come up with something else to do instead."

My tense knuckles pushed my plate away. This was too much—isn't it suppose to be a date? What's there to fight about? And why does Mikasa need to  _trust him_  for us to go out? Last night I tried to take Levi's advice and think of where he was going to take me, but looking back I don't think I even came close to an accurate guess.

Before I could interrogate Mikasa further, I became distracted by a conversation beyond the door. Soon enough, the door swished open with an energetic force.

Hanji was standing there proudly with Levi shadowing behind her with much less enthusiasm.

"Eren! Happy birthday!"

A wide smile stole a spot on my face. It's always nice to see her. "Hey aunt Hanji—I didn't know you were coming today."

"As if I wasn't going to see my favorite nephew on his birthday!" She lowered her voice some and snuck up to me like she was revealing a secret, "I may or may not have ditched training to come here..."

"Wha—You shouldn't have done that! You could've just gave me a belated birthday wish when you had free time. I don't want you get in trouble because of me."

But she waved off my worry with mellow ease and ruffled up my hair. "This is an important day, I wouldn't miss this. Besides, Levi needed my assistance with your outing."

"Assistance...?" With my hair unruly and out of place again, I looked over at Levi quizzically. Fixated on the floor, he stood disconnected from the conversation as if he were the black sheep of the horde—but this was his childish way of pretending he didn't hear me.

I knew asking wouldn't solve anything, so I asked myself multiple times, hoping the answer would click eventually. What would he possibly need Hanji for? We're leaving in less than an hour, I don't understand. "I'm...confused."

"What else is new." Levi breezed past me, reeking of cigarettes. Maybe he noticed this too because he said, "I'm gonna change. I'll be back in a second."

I watched him climb up the stairs, then I slowly turned my head back to Hanji and Mikasa: the  _traitors_  working against me right now. "Alright, what's going on here? If someone doesn't fill me in soon I'm gonna get pissed."

Instead of answering me, Hanji pointed at Mikasa. "Do you know where Levi and Eren are going tonight?" She nodded her head silently, just to rub it in my face a second time. I officially pissed. I'm the only one in the house not filled in right now.

"Guys, seriously. What's going on? This is just suppose to be a date...isn't it?" I was starting to have doubts. Levi is bilingual after all, maybe he's getting the term date confused with something else—something possibly dangerous if Hanji's involved and Mikasa has to put her trust into Levi. This is giving me a bad vibes.

"There's nothing to worry about, Eren." Hanji patted my shoulder, but it didn't help. All this time I was worried about  _the date_ , but now I'm worried that this isn't even  _a date_.

First Mikasa and Levi argue about where he's taking me (and Mikasa isn't one to argue unless it has something to do with me in a situation she doesn't approve of) then she decided to trust him for whatever reason, and now Levi needs Hanji's assistance on our date? Nothing to worry about my ass.

"Really Eren, if you were in any real danger I would tell you." Mikasa started, her tone dull but sincere. "Just be sure to do exactly what Levi says when the time comes. You'll know what I mean later—for now, don't worry about it. Once you're there it'll all make sense."

That did nothing to assure me—but I couldn't question further because Levi had arrived back in the kitchen. Simultaneously, we all shuffled to stare at him directly.

"...What." His chin lowered to inspect himself and straightened out the wrinkles in his blouse, thinking that was the cause of the stares, but that wasn't it. In fact, his outfit didn't reveal any clues at all. He was wearing a plain white button up shirt and gray slacks—a typical outfit he wore out.

"So, are you kids ready?" Hanji said excitedly with a clap. Funny, I thought _I_  was the one who's supposed to be excited here. Instead I'm confused and slightly angry. My cheek pressed up against my hand as I grimaced.

"We should wait a bit longer. I wouldn't want to run into trouble, if you catch my drift." Levi said, vaguely, and now I know he is pissing me off intentionally.

"Nah, it's totally dead. I did a few rounds to make sure on my way here. Eren's birthday landed on a lucky day, everyone's really preoccupied with the festival."

"Really? I didn't know about that. That works out, then. I suppose it won't hurt to head off a little earlier. It'll take a while to get there anyway."

Now I'm really out of the loop. My head started spinning. "Would someone please tell me what's going on?"

"If you want to find out, then get up off your ass and follow me." Hearing that gave me the motivation I needed to stand; barely, I might add. My legs were shaking and at this rate I wasn't even sure if I could walk. I still did my best to tail close behind Levi as we headed for the door.

"Have fun, Eren." Mikasa waved me off with a smile. "Be safe."

**~x~**

The town square was crowded and often enough I had to walk sideways to squeeze in shoulder-first through all the people. A few times I thought I lost Levi and Hanji, but they would pop up and drag me back into synchronization with their pace.

Once we maneuvered through the streets to the end of the city, the amount of people covering the path were few and far between. Due to the sparse amount of people, it was effortless to notice the tall man that stood out like a sore thumb all by himself a few feet from us. By the looks of it, we were in the raunchy outskirts of town, and I would have saw him as suspicious if I hadn't realized he was wearing military attire. Before I could get a good look at him, my vision went black and the feeling of thick cloth cloaked around my head.

"Wha—What the hell?!" With buckling knees, I gasped as I was yanked backwards by the hair. "Great fucking going Levi! Bring me to the shady side of town and let me get kidnapped on our first date!"

"Quit panicking." A dull voice slipped out from behind. The knot tightened painfully at the back of my head. I winced. "I'm trying to heighten the surprise, brat, so don't take it off unless you want your hands tied up too."

". . . . . ."

Okay so I'm  _not_ being kidnapped, and I'm not being assaulted—Levi's just short and thought it was a good idea to rip my hair out to get me down to his level—but nevertheless he's still an asshole and this is a terrible date so far.

Wait a minute. Did he just threaten to tie my hands up while he's blindfolding me—?! What kind of fucking date is this? Levi has absolutely no idea what he's doing. I think I'm blaming Hanji more at this point, though. She's a good person, but she has proven to be a lunatic at times. She probably talked him into doing this shit in the first place and Levi's so easily manipulated—even a twelve year old version of me had him tied around my finger.

"Hanji, make sure he doesn't run into anything like an idiot."

"You got it!" Soon my arm was locked with hers and we continued walking; I had trouble keeping up with the pep in her step. Relying on senses other than my sight was not something I'd predicted I'd be doing tonight, but I adjusted by holding my free arm in front while I felt the air, just as a precaution to make sure I wouldn't hurt myself because I sure as hell couldn't rely on these nutjobs.

At this point, there was no use in questioning what's going on anymore. I won't get answers. Even if I did, I still probably wouldn't know what the hell is going on. It's for the best to go along with it. Mikasa told me to do as Levi says, after all. She must know more than me. I'll take her word for it. She's never steered me wrong in the past, after all.

But for the record, I'm  _never_  asking Levi to surprise me ever again. He went way too far with it.

We kept walking. Depending only on my hearing now, we seemed to have walked far enough for Levi to recognize the man I saw in the distance before. I sensed we were approaching him.

"You're kidding. You made Mike play hooky with you too?"

"I would never!" Hanji shouted from the right. I jerked aside. Being between them isn't a fun experience. "Tell him, Mike! I'd never get you into trouble!"

"She's right—I'm free for the evening anyway. I'm actually allowed to be here, unlike her."

"No need to remind everyone, hun."

"Oh yeah?" Levi's pitched spiked. "Then are you allowed to steal unauthorized equipment too?"

The silence only underlined Levi's words more. What's this all about...am I involved in something illegal?

Realizing now that I'm blindfolded and being escorted by a thug and an eccentric scientist and her partner in crime left me with a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have a bad feeling about this—but before I could dwell too long, Hanji's screech cut off all my thoughts.

"Hey,  _you're_  the one that asked me where to get it! It's like you said, there's none in the black market. I looked around myself, but the only ones I found were knock-offs that cost a fortune."

"You have a point. They're not easy to come by anymore. And when I think about how many I threw away if feels like such a waste."

"Lucky you don't have a use for it anymore—but you can always borrow ours when you need it."

"Right. If I ever need to borrow some equipment I'll just ask you two to steal it for me."

When the silence hit, a guilty feeling came over me. It almost felt like I was eavesdropping, but really I'm suppose to be here and apart of this, right?

"...You got it all wrong," Mike corrected. "I didn't steal anything. That's all on her. I'm just delivering."

Hanji gasped. "Stop it! You're making me seem like some corrupted criminal—no offense, Levi."

"And  _why_  would I take offense to that, shitty-glasses?"

"Um...guys?" Even though I was blind at the moment, I could sense all their stares on me. I swallowed thickly, it felt like I rudely interrupted something, but if anyone is being inconsiderate it's them.

"Let's keep moving." Levi announced and soon my feet were dragging forward again.

The space around us grew quiet and compressed. There was no more chatter from passerby's or merchants, not even in the far distance could I detect a word. Only the reverberating echo of our footsteps was present and it almost came off as eerie. It sounded like we were inside somewhere. I hoped this meant we were close to our destination. I can't take the anticipation anymore.

"We're getting close." Hanji announced. "Mike, go on ahead and check the surroundings. Just give us a wave if it's clear." The man must have wordlessly agreed. His heavy footsteps lumbered on ahead of us until they sounded far away.

"Levi...I'm getting kind of scared."

"Yeah, me too."

"...Eh?!" I hadn't expected him to  _agree_  with me. I just wanted him to say  _'stop being a coward, brat'_  like he's supposed to say.

"He just means he's nervous, just like you. You're not the only one going on a date, you know." Hanji gave me a friendly poke on the cheek and I felt embarrassed for flinching at the unexpected touch.

"Really Eren, it's fine. I'd never intentionally want to scare you. This all has a purpose, I promise."

Those words soothed my nerves considerably. That's exactly what I needed to hear, but I still had a feeling that Levi's words before were genuine—but Hanji simply altered the meaning behind his concerns.

"Oh, looks like it's clear." Hanji said and soon I was being dragged along with her in a quickened jog. I barely kept up. I puffed and broke into a sweat. On top of this, I had a lingering fear that I'd bump right into something if I went too fast.

Our stride stopped abruptly, my own feet came to a belated halt when Levi's arm stretched out in from of my torso, blocking me from making another step. He warned me that there were stairs in front of us. He lugged me up by the arm as I cautiously tapped my foot against each step while I slowly cleared the flight.

I lifted my leg again, feeling for another step—but it landed on nothing. It seems that I reached the top of wherever we were. There was no more movement or words spoken, and I was about to say something before Levi beat me to the punch with a hiss though his teeth.

"Fuck it's bright."

"Ah, it's been a while, huh?" Hanji answered him gently. All I could do was wonder where we are. Usually Levi does nothing but complain about how dark it is.

"I can't even see. Shit, it stings."

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I turned my head to the general direction his voice was coming from.

"Nothing, nothing." Hanji answered for him. My neck was starting to kink from bouncing my attention between them.

"Just be lucky you didn't decide to leave earlier. The lighting is pretty dim in comparison,"

"He's right," she agreed with Mike, "I actually had to put on my tinted glasses earlier. Haven't used those babies in a while."

"Gross. Don't call your stupid glasses  _babies_  ever again. Don't tell me you have a  _collection_ of those things." He actually sounded disgusted. I can't figure out why Levi has a baseless hatred against glasses.

"I do not."

"She does," Mike let out a teasing chuckle but it soon turned into a muffled grunt. There was pain in his voice, "You sure do pack a rough right hook."

"I only hurt you because I love you."

"And I put up with it because I love you as well."

"Yuck. You two are going to make me violently ill." Levi demolished the cute atmosphere Mike and Hanji created with the rude remark. It was risky, but I laughed quietly to myself. If Levi and I ever got in a relationship, we'd probably bicker back and forth and say we love each other in the same breath like that too.

...Well, that's how it goes in one of my many fantasies. I'm still not sure if Levi would ever get that far with me. I can't see him telling me he loves me any time soon, that's for sure.

We came to another sudden stop and soon Levi's voice felt further away than it was before. I couldn't figure out what he was up to. "Keep an eye out for anyone."

"I can't."

"I wasn't talking to you." He barked back to me.

Maybe now would be a good time to ask if I can remove this damn blindfold already, but Hanji started speaking before I got the chance.

"There's no need to be overly cautious. Like I said before, everyone in town is at that festival and all the MPs are paroling around there."

"Where's the festival?" I asked, trying to slyly award myself with a hint to figure out where we were, but I received no reply. Awesome. Now I'm being ignored. Why am I did here if my only purpose is to tag along blindly?

"Have you ever done this before, Levi?" Hanji asked.

"A few times." Everything they spoke about seemed so vague to me. I couldn't tell if they were doing it on purpose or not. They probably were doing it on purpose. Assholes.

"Ever with someone else?"

"...No. But how hard could it be."

"Well just be careful and bring Eren back in one piece—but if not then ship him to my lab."

"WHAT?!" Now  _that_  wasn't vague!

"I'm kidding, Eren!"

"She's not kidding, so you better cooperate with me."

Finally I felt Levi's presence beside me and I reached out to tug his sleeve, but he made no attempt at giving me the attention I deserved at this point. Instead, he went right over me. "I'm all set. I guess you'll be heading back to the base now?"

"I went into the trouble of leaving, might as well make the best of it if I'm going to get written up anyway. Mike and I will probably head back to your place and give Mikasa some company, if you don't mind."

"No problem with me. Just don't do anything weird while I'm away."

"Define weird."

"Don't do anything you'd do at  _your_ place, is basically what I'm saying."

"You're no fun. Anyway, have fun guys!  _Be careful_!"

The extra emphasis added at the end made a shiver run through me. If I have to be careful, then how the hell is this going to be fun?

Now with Hanji and Mike gone, the air grew unbearably still and quiet. When I swallowed I could swear that it could've been heard for miles.

Soon I felt a small, but hard figure press up against me. I jumped a little, until I realized it was just Levi. My hand patted his shoulders, but he took a firm hold of both my wrists and guided me, then secured my hands around his rib cage. My lip quivered as he returned the unexpected embrace by wrapped tightly around my hip.

"I'm gonna need you to hold on to me as if your life depends on it."

"...W-Why?"

"Because your life actually does depend on it."

"What the hell are you talking about?!" I jumped from the unexpected shift in Levi's pose and especially the snapping sound that darted from below and traveled above us.

"Just do as I say."

". . . . . ." Once again, I was reminded of Mikasa's words. She told me to do as he says and I'm in no position to make my own judgments, so I'll have to trust him. There's no reason to be afraid. Neither him or her would ever put me in any real danger. I took a deep breath and breathed out slowly. His shirt taut as I latched around him firmly.

"Alright Eren, we're going to start off really,  _really_  slow, so  _don't_  panic."

"S...Start what?" I tried to hide the tremble from my voice, but wasn't succeeding. At least my tone sounded calmer and I didn't sound like I was talking over an hail storm.

"It's going to feel a little weird at first, but just hold onto me and you'll get used to it."

"I-I..." My cheeks reddened. ...Why did I feel like I was about to lose my virginity? I had the urge to slap myself. Now is  _not_  the time to be thinking of shit like that!

Levi secured his hold on me and I started loosely shaking and sweating bullets—because of this, I nearly slipped away from him when I was hoisted up; my feet rose completely off the ground, leaving my legs dangling in a panicked motion. In an instant my stomach sunk and I reflexively squeezed Levi so painfully tight I thought I'd snap his thin torso in half.

"Wh-ah! L-LEVI! Put me down!"

"I don't think that's a very good idea, but if you keep insisting by  _screaming into my ear_ , I just might." While I felt my body swaying, it clicked that what he said was in fact a  _threat_. I shut my lips tight.

But I was quickly comforted when Levi constricted his hold, wrapping me snugger against him. His hold on me is strong and dependable, but that doesn't make me feel any better about being lifted off the air without warning.

"It's fine, I got you. Luckily you're a lot lighter than I thought you'd be." I don't know what his plan is—but all I know is that he didn't think it through very well. "I might not drop you at this rate."

" _MIGHT_?!"

He snickered—because this situation is  _so_  fucking hilarious—but his laugh brisked away by a gentle breeze that swung us like the pendulum of a grandfather clock—and my heart matched with a tick just as dull. The gust of wind had stroked my cheeks, leaving behind pricking goosebumps. The layer of fuzz coating my body stood up erectly as my bangs blew wild.

The burning fright boiling inside me crystallized into a cooling sensation and that's when I noticed the crisp scent touring through my nostrils. I nearly had the urge the sneeze at the familiar tickle of allergies that hasn't visited me in so long.

It was like nothing else mattered but those scents and the refreshing breeze running through me. In that moment my body stopped shaking.

"Levi... We're not underground anymore, are we?"

"You're  _just now_  thinking this? I expected you to figure it out the moment I hooked my wire."

I had a feeling he was using 3D Maneuver Gear, but now I'm certain. "...Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"It's fine."

So now I know we're on the surface—but where exactly? That I still haven't figured out. I know I'm hanging off the ground, but how far up are we? Was Levi trying to sneak into some building so we wouldn't get spotted from the front? Maybe he's being extra cautious because we're in Wall Sina. Why would he bring me to the surface, though? It's been three years since we've been here. Levi always reminded me that we could  _never_ return. Why is he taking such a bold risk today? What could possibly be worth putting himself in jeopardy?

I wondered and wondered but my thoughts turned off in an instant. "M-My ears just popped... Where the—? How high up are we?"

"Almost forty meters."

"Huh?!" Either my ears are actually damaged, or I didn't hear him right. I was hoping for the latter. "I'm going to piss myself."

"I won't forgive you for pissing on me a third time."

" _Let that go already._ " He laughed and hearing that made me feel slightly better, even if it's only because he found amusement in making fun of me.

"Are you really that scared, Eren? If you want, we could go somewhere on the ground."

"That's what I  _expected_...but..." I shook my head. I had no way of knowing if Levi was looking my way, so I verbally made myself clear, "I'm not scared, I'm just overwhelmed. I trust you. I just wish I knew where we were." I added a chuckle to not only calm my nerves, but to break the seriousness of the mood. "Y' know, it would be nice to be able to  _see_  on this date."

"You will. No peeking until then."

Even if I wanted to, I couldn't take off the blindfold to settle my curiosity once and for all. My arms had to remain around Levi. Even though he had a strong hold on me I was afraid of what might happen if I let go.

"We're nearly there. I'll take it off when we arrive."

I few minutes later, I panicked and jerked my body—like that feeling you get when you wake up just before hitting the ground from a high distance in your dreams. Levi's body had lifted away from me, leaving me dangling. He kept us connected by a strong hold on my wrist.

"I got ya," he heaved me up effortlessly, tugging at my arm strongly like a piece of rope until I felt for a ledge. After scooted myself up, my back fell down on what appeared to be grainy concrete. Wheezing, I stayed there a while to catch my breath—not that it was really energy draining on my part, but mentally I'm exhausted.

I sensed Levi's shadow looming over me and soon he lent me a hand and helped me up. I found my feet after stumbling a little and I reached up to remove the blindfold, but Levi stopped me.

"Wait," he said then repositioned my body. From behind, he fiddled with the knot of the blindfold and my heart raced in anticipation. My fist trembled beside my hip. I was suddenly hyper-aware of every sensation in my body. I could feel and hear my pulse and the blood circulating beneath my trembling flesh. I could feel tingles fluttering up and down my clammy skin, like a ghostly cold walked through me—but at the same time I felt so incredibly hot, burning with an incurable fever. My mouth was dry and when I cleared my throat with a gulp, I reddened more at the embarrassing wet sound. My breath was short and soon I didn't feel like I was breathing at all.

The moment the cloth was removed, I was assaulted by a blinding light.

**~Eren's POV end~**

I stepped out from behind Eren, shielding my eyes from the vast glow with a hand. While I waited for him to adjust to the light, I let myself indulge in the serene view. It's like a whole other environment—or a new world all together. There's actually air ventilation unlike that enclosed hole we call home. I could really breathe up here.

The scenery seemed almost endless, but felt like a phony flat painting at the same time. It just looked too incredible to be real. The birds-eye-view rendered us a panoramic picture of Wall Rose and Wall Maria in the far distance—and beyond that, there was nothing. No walls. No barriers. Just endless landscape and mountains that looked hand-painted on the horizon. There's only open land and bumpy terrain and sky stretching on for uncountable miles. I etched the scenic paradise into my mind like a mental painting that I prayed never faded or discolored over time. I want to remember this view just as vividly as I see it now and refer back to it to remind myself that not everything about this world is ugly.

This is the kind of of view you need to share with someone else—it's much too selfish to hog something so massively glorious all for yourself. In other words, I didn't want to witness this all by myself. I returned my gaze back up at Eren.

Tears flowed out from Eren's static eyes, his mouth parted and breathless. I wavered whether the tears were produced from the stunning brightness hurting his eyes or if he found the view just as beautiful as I did.

I didn't think this would be enough for him to  _cry_  though (if you can even call it crying, it's more like his eyes sprung a spontaneous leak). He stood almost like a marble statue—the only animated part about him was his tears rolling down his cheeks. He gave no expression, no words.

This hesitation made my body sink into the soles of my shoes.

Self consciousness consumed me. Great timing. I shouldn't expect an immediate responds from the kid—this is rather sudden. I'll give him all the time he needs. I kept waiting. And waiting.

I guess—I really don't know what I'm doing after all. Maybe this was a bad idea, I didn't think it through very well. What if...he's scared? For all I know he could have a fear of heights. Shit, I haven't actually thought of that. The kid could be frozen in fear right now while I'm marveling at the atmosphere.

All this time I was so afraid I might ruin today for weeks, but I couldn't share my concerns with Eren. He looked forward to it and I tried to fake some confidence so he wouldn't worry—he had his own shit to worry about for today and I didn't need to add to it with my own concerns.

But right now, I just wanted to know if I fucked up or not. I didn't need to be praised, I didn't deserve that, but I needed to know if Eren is scared or unhappy or what. I waited some more. I probably did fuck up and he doesn't know how to tell me—I should say something to explain myself. "...I know it's not much of a date, but I figured you'd rather this than eating out at some crappy restaurant. I'll admit I kind of needed some fresh air myself. But if you want to go, we can."

Tentatively, I peeked back up for a reaction. I lost my breath.

Awaiting me was a warm grin that melted my anxieties away. A smile so bright you could mistake it for the sun revealing itself once rainclouds drifted after a long storm—but the downpour was far from over, for more tears puddled up in the ducts of Eren's eyes and soon overflowed.

"Do you like it up here or not? Make up your mind." I felt like an idiot for asking directly, but I needed to know already. He was taking too long to share his thoughts. He's smiling, he's crying. I don't know how to read this kid anymore and I just need to know if he's okay with this or not.

"I like it!" A giggle broke through the built up of saliva in his throat. He choked on a weep and smiled wider after a sniff. "I'm just...I'm happy! Really really happy! This is—" Eren let his words break off into a wondrous sigh. He relished in another look, tears still rolling. "— _way_  better than anything I imagined. And I imagined a lot. I went as far as letting my imagination run wild and come up with fantasy dates I knew never would happen, but this tops them all."

Wiping his eyes on his sleeve, another sniffle cleared his nasally breath and his eyes uneagerly peeled off the sky and scoped me out through blurry tears. He looked a little embarrassed to have broke down like that—and he should be.

"You're such a crybaby." I didn't want to make any clear indication that I fought back tears myself. Right now I'm just so naturally high; off the ground and in spirit like I was floating on one of the reachable clouds in sight. This high is better than any illegal substance ever provided me with before.

The view is truly beautiful.

Reluctantly, I unfastened my eyes from the scenery and I made a quick scope around us—keeping a look out for any unwanted guest like the Garrison. None seem to be on patrol, though, likely due to the hour and the festival below.

For the time being, that put me at ease, enough to unwind. After ensuring we were truly alone a second time to be absolutely certain, we took a seat on the edge of the Wall. Our legs hung off the side and our backs turned to the city of Sina; the hellhole city we struggled in so long and lived beneath like unworthy rats. This view in our sights was true freedom, even if it's just a small teasing taste that we would have to spit out after and never be able to fully digest.

Remembering that I will have to return back to being trapped was dreadful, but I didn't let myself dwell on that long and let that ruin this for me. I'm going to indulge in this freedom for as long as I can and greedily milk it for all its worth. I can only hope Eren does the same because I honestly don't know if I could ever take a risk like this again any time soon.

"You really out did yourself—this is just so surreal. I have no words."

"It's not really a big deal. You said you missed the sky, so..."

His dazed eyes—still glassy and red—clung to me. It took a long while to pry my own off him. I scratched the back of my neck irritably. I realized now that it sounds stupid to remember something so insignificant he mentioned in mundane conversation.

"Would ya' stop staring at me? I brought you up here to look at the damn sky. You can look at me any day."

Kicking his legs playfully off the ledge, he spitefully smirked. "But you're much prettier than the sky."

"If you keep saying shit like that you'll live in the sky."

The weight of his eyes on me finally left—but soon mine found him while he wasn't looking. I small grin twitched on my lip before looking away.

"I could stay up here forever and never get tired of this view. Look at the mountains." Eren seemed to be absently thinking out loud now. The light of the setting sun poured down the hills and the tip of the sky was starting to dot with glistening stars.

"I wonder what's behind them."

I shrugged.

"What if the ocean is there but just hidden from our sight?"

I pondered it for a second. "I doubt it, surely if the Survey Corps discovered the sea they would be bragging about it for years to come—and maybe then salt wouldn't be so damn expensive."

"Yeah you're right. It would have been nice to know it was close—it's probably no where near us though."

His mood plummeted slightly, sweeping his hooded eyes down the cliff.

"Then again," I started, but had no idea where I was going with this yet, "the soldiers in the Survey Corps are constantly running from Titan's and getting eaten, maybe they passed it up and didn't realize?" There was a hopeful raise in my brows, and Eren laughed at me.

"I don't think that's possible, Levi. According to my friend's old book the ocean takes up seventy percent of the world, I don't think they could just 'pass it up'."

He's not as easy to cheer up like when he was a kid. After crushing his theory, I thought I can boost his mood by giving him hope that the precious ocean he loves so much could be closer than he thinks—but now that I'm looking at him, he doesn't actually seem disappointed at all. He seems happy in the moment and I thought it would be alright to further the topic. We were in need of some small talk anyway. I brought him up here to talk and we have to start somewhere.

"What would be the first thing you'd do at the ocean?" I asked.

"Honestly, I'd probably live there for a while. After living in a cage my whole life it would be nice to wake up to a view of endless water and open skies. What would you do?"

"Swim, probably. Even though I don't know how. Salt water sounds very therapeutic. I'd fully take advantage of that and soak it all up."

Eren went on to say that he'll teach me out to swim one day, since he taught himself at a young age. I waved the offer off. Next he told me about the creek in his old neighborhood that he used to visit on hot summer days with his friend Armin. They used to pretend that it was the ocean and play pirates. We both agreed that living on a giant ship and stealing buried treasure chest sounded like a good lifestyle to us.

Even though words like 'sea', 'ocean' and 'beach' were merely just words with no tied sensory to them, I still would love to put an image to those extrinsic words someday. The legend of the sea might be a myth or maybe the large supply of salt water dried out by now, but the unlikely hope that the walls will be free to roam from safety someday will always be a dream of mine.

I realized the odds are slim and I'm no fool to wish for the impossible, but I hope that the odds play in the right favor one day. The lands beyond the wall is breathtakingly beautiful and shouldn't remain invisible forever—but the monsters that dwell in those realms are not beautiful and they are the reason why I'm trapped inside this horrid place.

For now, all I could do is tease myself with a glace, like a prisoner peeking between a crack of crumbling brick in his cell at the world he's forbidden from.

"Well, maybe in our lifetimes we'll be able to go." Eren said wistfully.

"I doubt it."

"Of course you'd say that. You already lived a lifetime."

I closed my eyes painfully tight and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Yeager, I know you royally suck at math but I am twenty-seven, that is _not_  old."

"If you're a fossil."

I protruded my lips peevishly and restrained my impulses. "Eren—I'm _trying_  to give you a nice date but you're one wrong word away from being shoved off this wall."

"Aww," I cringed at the gross sound he made. "You don't have to try anymore, you already gave me a nice date." Eren lit up with a sweet grin and puffy red cheeks despite the fact I just threatened to murder him. My own frown straightened out as I was memorized by that pure happiness radiating from him.

"Hmph." Wry amusement escaped me. "It's weird—really weird." I thought out loud, my gaze moved to a floating cloud that looked close enough to touch. In the corner of my eye I caught Eren cocking his head at me with a quick ' _hm_?'

That look Eren gave me a second ago—it brought me back to when he was a kid. "You were just some brat that showed up on my doorstep—and now we're here. I don't know, I just remembered the night we met, that's all."

I couldn't say we made much progress since then, but we went from the very bottom; below the surface to be exact, and now we're up here—our eyes witnessing a sight no mere civilian will ever gaze upon in their life. Eren was by my side all that time, through the good and hard times and even though he grew and matured (in some ways, not so much in others) he was still by my side, even after I thought we drifted apart. That bright smile assured me that there was never any gap between us to begin with.

Eren was just a cranky kid back then, just like he is now—but that just made his happy moments much sweeter and right now I'm nearly overdosing and entering a sugar coma from the taste I'm being rewarded with.

The way his eyes would light up the moment he saw me as a kid—it took my breath away more times than it should have. Like my miserable mug could actually boost that child's mood; it was and always will be a mystery. Sometimes it felt like I meant the world to him. He'd look up at me with those big shiny eyes and tinted cheeks, and follow me around and ramble on excitedly about whatever his interest was invested in for the day. During this I'd put on a bored face, but I always made sure to retain every word he spoke carefully.

Although I was a stranger, one he knew was capable of being dangerous, he accepted me and trusted me more than anyone ever has. I thought it was just the innocence of a child and he was blissfully unaware of how terrible of a person I was and I cursed the day he'd outgrow me, but in the end he brought out the best in me—or should I say—he saw it in me all along.

Most people look at me like they're afraid, like I'm either a mindless endangerment or that they'll catch an airborne disease from me if they came too close. The odd-ones-out that don't fit in that category are stupid enough to underestimate me or just see me as a challenge—or worse, they want to use me somehow.

Eren is in a category of his own. Somewhere in the center of the two—a very comfortable middle. He's not stupid enough to underestimate me but he's not wishy-washy enough to let me walk all over him either.

Other times when he was young, while wearing that endearing expression, he'd tell me how he wanted to marry me because he loved me. I smiled as I shook my head. What a foolish brat he was. I never took the proposal seriously, obviously, because it was coming from a child but how he could always smile and find new things to make him happy has always inspired and motivated me—my outlook on life is still pessimistic, but Eren helped me see a few things in a new light. He helped me push forward during rough times. So many times I've given up before I met him, but I never thought of that again during these years. I never wanted to fail him. That will always be my biggest fear, but when Eren smiles at me like that I'm reminded that I did alright—not extraordinary, but just alright.

Back then I remember thinking this little boy lost so much, but he was brave enough to pick up the remaining shards of himself and try again—try to find new happiness once more. There was never any guarantee or promise he would find it, but he still pushed and fought until he did. Even if it was just simple pleasures like participating in a group outing or playing a game together. Little things like that meant the world to him—and sometimes I'd catch myself thinking that his reactions meant the world to me.

I couldn't help but say to myself back then that I want him to always be as happy as he is in the moment. I never wanted to see that smile disappear again. No more hardships, no more precious treasures taken away from him. I just wanted pure happiness to remain inside that young boy, and I never wanted to live to see the day his passion and raw energy burns out.

For the first time in so long, I felt proud of myself. I kept my promise. Even after all these years, even through all the ups and downs, Eren could still show me one of those pure smiles, like the one he's wearing now. I must have done something right and I felt pretty damn accomplished right now.

"You already went into a lot of trouble for my birthday—but can I be selfish and ask you to do one more thing?

I didn't feel like I did much, so of course I said yes.

"...Could you hold my hand?"

". . . . . ." I stared down at his sole hand rested against the surface beside me.

"I promise it's clean."

That wasn't the reason why I was hesitating. I felt if I grabbed his hand I was signing off a contract. That's silly though. I grabbed it tight and Eren's cheekbones bloomed a hue of red at the sight of our connected hands and the casting shadow it made. Slowly, we turned our heads back around to the setting sun.

"Your hand is cold."

"And yours is sweaty. Gross."

Looking at the dome of endless sky and clouds around us, I realize now that after spending so much time with Eren, this big world filled with undiscovered mysteries would be very quiet and empty without his kind-heart and that raw energy of his. I'd pass up the chance to explore the world if it meant Eren was promised to be safe beside me, always. Smiling and being a troublesome brat. That's two things I never want to be taken away from him, and I never want that taken away from me either. When I phrase it like that, it seems selfish but honestly all I want is for him to be happy and safe.

Whether I tried to avoid admitting it or not, over the years I did indeed let myself slowly become attached to him. In a way, I no longer feared letting those I care about break down the walls around me because I knew I had the power to protect people like Eren, Mikasa, Hanji, even Erwin. These people mean so much to me and I really don't deserve their company, but they stick by me anyway. The least I could do in return is care about them.

If it wasn't for Eren teaching me that it's okay to let others in, I would still be miserable and alone, still trapped inside myself—especially after my friend's died; I never thought I'd cure from that trauma but without even knowing it Eren became my crutch to help me keep moving forward.

I'm still not completely free, but when I'm with Eren I come pretty damn close. Mikasa's fondness over him comes with reason—it took me a very long time to figure out why she's always dotting over him, but I get it now. Eren has a very positive effect on people. Benevolently, he teaches others how to live all over again—he demonstrates from his own experience how people  _could_  stand up, brush themselves off and start over, even during times when there's no do-over in sight.

I took a deep breath in through the nose—taking in all the fresh air I've been neglecting my molded lungs from. Unlike the past two months, my body is free of any worry, doubts or rattling nerves right now because I _knew_  I had the power to protect him and there's no reason to push him away in fear of losing him. Just like the first snowy night we met, he's knocking for me right now, wanting me to let him in. I squeezed his hand tighter at the thought. It's okay to let him in. It's okay to take care of him and let him change me into a better man. And  _maybe_...it's okay to let him slowly teach me about the delicate matters he seems to understand so confidently—like how to commit these muddled feelings I have toward the one I care about most.

"I still remember the night we met too, by the way." There was a distinct look in his eyes as he recalled. "I remember it so well."

"Can I ask you something?"

Eren eagerly nodded his head, his curious eyes planted on me.

"What was your first impression of me?"

He had to think about it for a moment. "Honestly—I don't think I had a first impression. When you first opened up the door, I didn't really care who you were at first. I was so worried about Mikasa and helping her was all I could think about. Once you offered us hospitality, though—that's when I had my first impression on you. I knew you were a kind person from that moment on. As the days passed and you let us permanently reside with you my impression kept growing. Then it hit me that I really, really liked you, and it wasn't because you decided to raise us or your kindness toward two strangers."

"What else is there to like beside my kindness? Hell, I don't even know  _how_  you see me as  _'kind'_  in the first place. I think you're delusional." I'm stumped, really. Even after all these years I could never figure out what Eren ever liked about me in the first place. I just figured I was the cause of Eren's sexual awakening since he saw me at work back then, but according to Eren there's an emotional attachment to me, not just physical.

"It's hard to say. It's something you can't put into words. There's a lot I like about you."

My brow lifted skeptically. "Okay, fine. Start with saying everything you  _despise_ about me, then. I'm more interested in that."

Eren sucked in a breath nervously through his teeth. "That's kind of risky. You have a habit of hitting me when I cross the line and we're fifty meters off the ground."

"I'll respect the honesty. Not a lot of people are honest with me so I'd like you to tell me straight up."

"Alright," he leaned back a bit, scratching his chin with a deviant sneer. "You're facetious and rude, not to mention scary. You're a clean freak with high standards and  _horrible_  foul language, yet you're very finicky about others using improper speech around you. Which makes you a hypocrite, but don't even get me started on that subject. You smoke like a chimney and reek of cigarettes, booze or glass cleaner, or a weird combination of all three. You talk about shit and piss  _way_   _too much_ , even when it's highly inappropriate or has nothing to do with the situation. You won't ever spell things out for me and half the time I feel like I have to solve a riddle just to figure out what you're trying to say, but at the same time you're cruelly blunt with your insults. You look like you're wishing death on anyone who is even an inch taller than you, and yet you teased me when I was little for my height. Again, hypocrite. You rarely smile or laugh, and when you do it's because you're being an asshole or laughing at your own terrible jokes, and—"

" _And_? There's more? I should have brought popcorn."

Eren chortled, looked into his lap with a meek look in his eyes. His hand quivered in mine as he took a deep, rattling breath before continuing. " _And_ —those are only a few of the reasons why I love you."

I couldn't do nothing but stare at his torturous features—which was caused by subconsciously squeezing his hand hard enough to cut off circulation. Those words hit me like stiff plank of wood. Not to mention it sounded much different than when he recited that as a kid. "You don't—you don't  _really_  mean that." I tried to nudge him to lighten the severity of the mood, but he didn't budge. I became anxiously still at that. "You just like me, right? There's no reason to exaggerate."

"I'm not. I really do, Levi. I really do love you."

I clamped up and guarded my emotions, making sure not a single one slipped by the barricade. "I-I told you to list the shit you  _hate_ about me, dumbass."

"About that—there's nothing I  _hate_ about you. Even the things I find annoying I really love—and yes, that means I even love when you call me a bratty kid and when you make me re-clean the same shit ten times in a row."

A wry smile broke across my face. "I...  _kind of_  get what you're saying. Even though you're a bratty little shit that causes me aneurysms, I still like how you are and wouldn't want you to change. I really...like you just how you are." I was relieved that my voice managed to stay in a steady pattern with no fluctuating—but my heart on the other hand, not so lucky.

He gasped, more surprised at the delivery of my words than me, which is saying a lot. "So you  _do_  really like me. Heh." He swayed his legs off the side with the goofiest grin you can imagine. "Do you, like,  _like-like_ _me?_ Or do you like me like a— _"_

" _If you say_ _ **like**_ _one more goddamn_ _fucking_ _time—"_ How the fuck was anything he said even a proper sentence and still comprehensible? It should be illegal to say a word that many times in a row. I shook the irritation off. "I've always liked you, Eren. I just don't really know how much. But—"

"Hm? But what?"

I swallowed dryly. Our small talk has escalated and it's seems that we reached that time to talk about  _us_ —and even though that's exactly what I wanted, I still had the urge to dodge the topic. But, I took him up here to talk and I intend to do it. Even if it takes a few minutes to spit out, I will because I know we need to talk and let everything out.

"It's...hard to explain this in an orderly fashion, so bear with me." Looking skyward, I took another breath to steady my nerves. "I know it's not a fun subject to bring up, but the day you were kidnapped...it kind of changed my outlook on you. It's not like I didn't like you before that, but I just thought you were a bratty kid that could be cute sometimes, but when I thought I lost you—I honestly never felt so hopeless and lonely in my life. During your rescue I asked myself at one point if I would be able to move forward if the situation went sour and I couldn't get you back—I didn't know the answer at first, but when someone told me I was too late to save you, I ended up shooting him. That told me that no, I  _would not_  be able to live without you. But I proved him wrong because you taught me to keep fighting until I win. Because of that advice, I got you back in my arms and I cried for the first time in almost two decades."

The images of that day still haunt me and definitely weren't easy to talk about. I pressed the heel of my palm against my forehead, hoping that would erase some of the dreary images flashing in my minds eye—but when I thought about how that day came to a close, with Eren and I were laying together and talking the night away, those traumatic images were kicked back to the dark spot in my brain where they belonged and the memory of Eren's tender affection filled me.

I kept my gaze on my dangling legs off the ledge because I didn't have the balls to see what kind of expression Eren was wearing, but I could tell he was listening carefully, just like he did back then.

"That night we talked about everything and anything and I never opened up to someone like that before. You listened to me without judgment and genuinely cared about me like no one has before. The things you said to me really stuck with me and from that moment I knew I felt something different about you—it wasn't like my relationship with Mikasa and I couldn't figure out why. As you got older those feelings got stronger but I didn't quite understand them. But then we grew apart a bit and I thought you didn't like me anymore—and that's when I realized, as scary as it was, that there was something deep I felt for you because I still couldn't let go of you despite thinking you let go of me."

"I...I..." Eren stuttered and had to pause to form his words. I waited patiently. "I kind of thought the same thing. I felt embarrassed for being so bold while I was a kid and figured you didn't see me that way and the last thing I ever wanted to do was make you uncomfortable, so I tried to make some space between us. I never stopped liking you for a second, though."

My shoulders squared as my palm clenched the ridged ledge. "...Me neither."

Cawing birds flew over head, forming a V as they traveled west. I watched them until they became a tiny black dot and disappeared. They must be returning to their nest for the night.

"So now that I know you definitely like me, tell me  _what_ you like about me."

By the time this night is through, _'like'_  will no longer sound like an actual word and I will banish it from my vocabulary. "Can I start off with saying what I hate about you instead like you did? Only seems fair."

"Psh, you don't need to tell me. You remind me everyday," he rolled his neck cockily. "Let me guess: You hate that I'm taller than you now and that I do a crappy job at cleaning. I'm an ungrateful brat that doesn't know how to keep my temper cool and I never put my clothes in the hamper and instead throw them on the floor, and I never put the toilet seat down after I piss—"

"You also get piss  _everywhere._ And your hair sheds like a mutt. My bathrooms is so fucking hairy and pissy because of you."

A nod. "And I'm a crappy cook and baker and stupid and can't even figure out basic math and I'm a horrible speller."

"Don't forget to add that you're horny brat that masturbates freely despite a person clearly beside you, just proving how disrespectful you are. And just as a further  _'fuck you'_  you ejaculate all over the sheets, which _I_ have to clean because you refuse to do laundry."

"Yup, that I do. It goes without saying that I'm lazy when it comes to doing anything I don't want to do. And I'm also easily jealous and irrational and loud and I have a one-track mind once I get set one something."

Eren looked disappointed to see my hand free from his, but I needed to give a few solid claps at that spot-on presentation. "You took the words right out of my mouth—are we soul mates?"

He chuckled and bumped his shoulder into mine. "You know, that would've sounded really romantic if you didn't say it sarcastically, asshole."

I pointed my noise up conceitedly. "It's like you said, I'm facetious."

He shook his head, chuckling down at his folded hands. "God, I love you."

"Uh..." I flinched, my muscles stiffening. "You can...stop saying that now." In an awkward motion, I scratched the stubble at the back of my head. I didn't like how he was casually throwing that word around all of a sudden. It was a change of pace from using  _'like'_ , which made _'love'_  easier on the ears at this point, but I thought we were on the liking stage—love seems to be pushing it. Sure, hearing it sent shivers down my spine but it felt like some cheap lie—it's just too soon.

"Why can't I say I love you?"

I stared at him for a good while with a questionable pout, like I was insulted. "Why do you love me?"

He chuckled in pleasant surprise, a questioning rise in his shoulders. "Why? Didn't I _just_  explain this? Did your ears pop or something?"

"I assumed you were just being over dramatic. I thought you just liked me, and I like you—in some way." I curled my nose, disbelieving. "You really...mean it?"

"How many more times do I have to say it? I love you, Levi."

A chilling breeze rove over the wall, animating our hair and the fabric of our clothes. The air traveled away from us just as quick as it came. It became suffocating still. Hesitantly, yet with little thought, I reached over and brushed Eren's hair away from his ear, tucking it behind the lope. I ran my thumb along the cartilage. It was just as cold as the wind that visited us a second ago.

"Are you seriously checking if my ears are hot right now to see if I'm lying? You really don't know how to react to affection, do you?"

"You're not lying to me?"

Eren must have noticed the rueful look on my face, and the sorrow soaked words going through his ears didn't sound any more prideful. I bowed my head in shame—but soon my head was pulled back up unwillingly. He had cupped my cheeks in his warm hands and forced my attention to stay on him. There was determination blooming under his sunken brows. "I'd never say something like that to you without meaning it. I meant it when I was a kid too, you know."

I cuffed his wrist in hand and pulled them away slowly, my eyes casted to the side. My cheeks went numb from how burnt they felt. "Thank you."

"...I really appreciate you saying that—it's rare, but I have no idea why I deserved to be thanked."

"I'm thankful for you loving me...I guess." It sounded so much stupider out loud than it did in my head. I thought it would be a reasonable reply, but it just made me sound like a whiny idiot self-pitying myself.

He chuckled in my ear, like he was letting me in on a secret, that tone vibrated through me. "You're not suppose to thank someone for loving you."

I shrunk in my spot, staring statically but not seeing anything. Eren is being honest, so I want to be honest too. That's how I felt. I felt thankful. That's the only time I heard someone say that genuinely to me. When he was young I didn't take it seriously; kids often tell  _strangers_ they love them—but now Eren was older, he understood what he was saying. And he meant it.

Guilt suddenly invaded me. I scrambled to correct the mistake I unintentionally made. "Sorry I can't say it back... I'm still adjusting to the idea of liking you so I just wouldn't want to lie when you're being honest with me. I know that seems mean but—"

"Levi, easy. No need to explain yourself. I don't need you to return it. Besides, I rather you wait until you're ready than say it and not mean it. I know you care about me and that's plenty for me."

"Thanks...for understanding."

"Okay, you're gonna need to stop saying thanks. It's making me uncomfortable."

"Hmph." I smirked, I suppose it does sound a little foreign coming from my lips. I only say it when I truly believe someone is worthy of being thanked. Eren definitely was.

Twilight colors smudged across the sky, the mixture of orange and purple, navy and pink blended into a contrasting gradient until ink spilled across the bright colors. A canopy of black with pinholes of light shining through tucked the sky in for the night.

By the time I looked at Eren again, he had his palms holding his weight up behind him and his neck crooked at an uncomfortable angle. I admired the long crane of his neck and the way the crescent moon colored his skin. The infinite view above us should feel unworthy to be seen by those beautiful eyes of his.

As for myself, I couldn't enjoy stargazing as much as I would like. I couldn't get comfortable and I kept fidgeting in my spot. It might have something to do with sitting in one position on a hard slab of concrete for over an hour (friendly update: my ass is beyond numb) but really, I just felt uncomfortable inside myself and just wanted to break free; like a desperate fly caught in a spider web. I kept moving and wiggling but I knew there was no escape. My fate was sealed the moment Eren lured me in.

Fuck, I don't want to be trapped in this emotional shell anymore—but based on how this evening is going, it's going to crack and I don't know how to deal with the aftermath of the mess that would make.

For now I tried to repair the damage, but it would only secure so long. These emotions wanted to come out and they wanted to be heard by Eren; sometime sooner rather than later.

I haven't thought of my feelings too much today (for the first time in I don't know how long). All this time, I tried to figure them out internally on my own, but it wasn't until now that they started making sense to me. It was like this date was the final countdown until I hatched and now I was ready, just like a little chick that knew how to break free from its egg despite just being born. I too knew nothing, yet these instincts are directing me and I intended to follow through with them without a fight—albeit at my own pace and not as the motions come because  _wow_  that would be a clutter fuck of confusion. I cringe at the idea of myself nonsensically rambling with lots of hand gestures because feelings are stupid like that and that's probably the only way I'd transfer my thoughts to Eren. At this rate—degrading myself like that may be my destiny with no way around it.

All I know for certain is that I need to talk to Eren and I need to talk to Eren in a way he'll understand, because if I learned anything about him after all these years it's that he's an air-headed moron that needs to be spoon fed everything. He doesn't latch onto hints of vague ideas so when I explain how I feel, I need explain with words he'll understand because at this point it's not rejection or guilt I'm fearing, it's misunderstanding. I've been doing okay so far, if I say so myself, but there's still so much I need to tell him, so much I need to make clear between us.

I tried to arrange the words neatly in my head—it started off good once I got going, but when I got on a roll all the words piled up into a collision and it was a fucking disaster. I'm no closer to explaining myself than I am from the ground right now.

Agitatedly, I pulled my bangs roughly up, like the tickle against my lashes was all the blame for not thinking clearly. During the movement, I pushed my head back in time to see a rare sight.

Between the specs of white glitter dusted along cosmic spread, a star had flown past, carving a perfect white line into the night sky.

"Did ya see that?" Eren's tone spiked with amazement. I gave a quick utter in reply. "My mom used to tell me you're supposed to make a wish when you see a shooting star."

"Really? I never heard that one before." Which came as a surprise. My friends were whiz's when it came to astronomy and I picked up a lot from them, but then again they weren't exactly the gullible type that believed in myths.

"What did you wish for?"

"I didn't make one, I don't believe in wishes."

Eren rolled his eyes sarcastically and rephrased. "Okay, what  _would_ you wish for if you knew it would come true."

I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'd wish that everyone I know stays safe. I know, it's lame."

He giggled in his hand. "That's such a Levi-thing of you to say."

"Well fucking excuse me for  _being_ Levi."

"It's not a bad thing, it's  _cute_. But you should be more selfish about it. It's a wish after all."

"Then happiness, I guess. It's not that I'm  _miserable_ , but, you know." I didn't want to get too specific about a wish that had no guarantee to come true. I kept it simple, but honest.

There was a long silence. "It's gonna come true."

"I don't believe in wishing on stars."

"Doesn't matter.  _I'm_  going to make sure your wish comes true. Fuck the stars, I'll make it happen myself."

The honesty in his voice almost made me mistake the promise for a fact. I didn't have the strength to start asking him how he'd accomplish that, so I moved on with the conversation, "What did you wish for?"

A shameful expression appeared and he tried to hide in his hand. "It's super lame—but my wish sort of came true already. Being alone with you like this, on a date, talking—it really means the world to me, Levi."

"I didn't really do anything though. I couldn't even return your feelings."

"Doesn't matter. I know you like me in your own Levi-way and that's something I'm grateful for. I feel really special." He let his gaze fall to his lap, perhaps to relax his strained neck. "I don't care how long it takes, I will make you happy if you let me. You don't have to love me or be my boyfriend right now, there's no pressure."

The moon reflected a twinkle off the tear streaming down his face—and I couldn't figure out why he started crying until he starting talking again.

"My memory is fuzzy here and there, but I still remember that night when I was twelve and I confessed to you for the first time. You told me if we were still in touch you'd think about giving me a chance when I got older. Now that I am, I'm  _begging_   _you_  to think about it. If you do I'm sure that someday, maybe far into the future, you'll return those feelings when you're ready. I know it's not easy for you—if you do actually like me then I can just imagine how hard it's been for you. I already know you have commitment and separation issues, Levi. I'm an idiot but it's not hard to see that you lost people and you're afraid to be hurt and alone again—but I'm never going anywhere. That's an  _unbreakable_  promise. You wanted to know my real wish, Levi, and being with you is the only thing I will ever selfishly ask of you. So please, give me a chance. I promise you'll never regret it."

My lips parted, trying to form a millions words at once after I realized that I probably should have replied to him  _minutes_ ago, but by the time his words sunk in it was already too awkwardly late. There's so much I want to say but couldn't put into words—I couldn't even describe how I felt in the other languages I knew. There were no words, but I still tried to make them, but only a tiny, intelligible sound came out before it was overrun by a blasting sound. A pop ran through my body and the color red tinted the surroundings for miles. A fizzing, crackling noise faded out and Eren hooked his head around in time to catch a sparkling stream sprout up and a green effusion ignited within the sky.

"Uwa! I haven't seen fireworks since I was a kid!"

His smile was brighter and livelier than the spectacle in the sky. The smell of smoke reached our noses from a cool night breeze passing through. This must be from the festival going on below us in Wall Sina.

As the show continued, Eren watched in wonder. He looked just like a child again. His eyes reflected the radiant hues in the sky, transitioning from purple, to blue to pink and yellow and every color you can imagine. Watching him is far more beautiful than anything the sky could show me. The colorful display honestly paled in comparison. I kept watching the show from his eyes until he turned to face me, his smile gentle.

But unfortunately his lips straightened out and his eyes dulled in worry. "What is it? Why are you looking at me like that? Why aren't you watching the fireworks?"

"Okay Eren. I will." It came out quickly in one short breath. I swallowed hard and keep subtly nodding my head, trying to convince myself more than him.

"Okay...then...Heh. Why are you still looking at me, then?"

My brows sunk, confused. Then I realized I answered something from ten fucking minutes ago. "I...I meant..."

"What's wrong? Are you alright?"

My heart was going off faster than the flares rocketing into the night sky. Eren never had the best attention span, which made me even more anxious for not only for what I was about to do, but for answering a question he moved on from. But it hasn't been  _that_  long because I didn't need time to  _think_  about it—not anymore. I didn't need to worry about regretting the wrong choice anymore. The only thing I'd regret is not going through with what I want right now, and what I want right now and what I've been wanting for years is...

" _Eren._ " I called out his name like I've never done before. I didn't hold back. I said it with all the emotion I could summon and that's when I realized that his name was the word I've been searching for all this time. I don't need to look up a correct phrase to convey my feelings. I didn't need to find metaphors or come up with analogies. All I had to do was say his name as needy, selfishly and desperately as I could and every emotion pinned to it and let loose from me like a colorful explosion in the sky. The weight that lifted off me was heavenly.

Now that I'm looking at them out in the open, I still couldn't pick apart or understand what these feelings meant, but they were out and I knew now that it was okay to have these feelings. They're not completely harmless, but they're not lethal either. There's no reason to be afraid anymore—Eren assured me of this and he's not one to lie about something like that. When I proved this to myself, every restraint holding me back rusted and shattered into pieces. I was tied down for so long. Tied down by self-pity, by fear, by misunderstanding. So many unnecessary restraints had me locked up for too long, but now I'm free and I have absolutely no crippling control holding me back anymore.

I tried to speak but my voice ended up cracking like an adolescent boy talking to a cute girl with pigtails. I covered my mouth in shame. Closing my eyes, I mumbled into my palm, voice drain off all emotions so I wouldn't hit he same embarrassing note twice. I gave no warning. I unhinged my mind and let everything rupture out. "I like you Eren. I fucking really,  _really_  like you. Everything about you is just so comforting to me. I never really had a home, I bounced everywhere and sometimes I had no roof at all but you make me feel like I have a safe, warm home I can always return to where I can be myself and be safe from the world that misunderstands me and hurts me. You—You're fucking precious to me, Eren. You're so innocent and kind but you still pack enough bite to keep me from getting bored. And you're so— _attractive_. Like _really_  attractive. Seriously, how dare you. Do you know how much you fucking kill me when you roam around with no shirt on and your pants dangerously low? Or the way you make me feel when you swipe a hand through your messy hair and give me a smirk? Just— _fuck you_. You put me through hell and now you're adding to it by being an adorable little shit up here. How much do you think I can take before I do something illegal to you?!"

Eren's lips flapped desperately like a dying fish out water as I stopped to catch my breath, even though I was far from done. I wheezed like I just took on a Titan with my bare hands and grasped the fabric covering my hammering heart. I swallowed, pulled Eren from my visual range and made a minor shift in my tone, which made me sound more pathetic. "I want to give you— _give us_ —a chance and I want to see what happens between us, if that's what you want. This is what I want too but I'm honestly fucking terrified. Although, I don't really give a shit anymore because all I want to do is make you happy and fulfill every goddamn wish your heart desires, you ungrateful asshole." I needed to add that final bite at the end because I would have puked in my shaky hand otherwise if I hadn't from the disgusting aftertaste of that sappy speech. A pained expression revealed when I dragged my hands down my face, my blushing skin taut as I pulled.

"Levi..."

" _Don't say anything_ —not yet." I snapped, cutting him off—not to be rude but because Eren sounded one word away from full-blow blubbering and I don't think I have it in me to pat his back and hold a handkerchief to his snotty nose. Plus, I didn't want to shift the mood between us right now, not after I got this far.

Eren stared doe-eyed at me, even as I reached for his neckband. I clawed at his shirt until I had enough fabric bundled in my fist to yank him forward. Time felt like it entered a slow time interval; every second stretched for hours as I tugged him to me. I'm sure it was quite the opposite for Eren. Time probably speed up and everything was happening too fast—but even though I had plenty of time to stop myself I couldn't—no,  _I wouldn't._  The chains are off and I have no idea how long it will be until I'm trapped again. I have to do it now or never.

One last shudder of air traveled between my mouth before it was blocked by Eren's soft lips. I closed my eyes tight and puckered my lips harder against his that were vibrating wildly. Eren was forced to lean back some and catch himself from falling from the intense force I drove in with—I'm surprised I haven't knocked him down completely from the lack of restraint I held.

My heart pounded in my chest and jolts shot through me. Energetic surges rushed through my body but my mind went completely blank and it felt fucking great. All I felt was fuzziness in the back of my skull and numbness from head to neck—except for my lips; they hogged up all the sensations. They tingled as they swiped smoothly over Eren's slippery lips and soon his saliva coated mine and the taste was better than I imagined.

The kiss became so desperate, so greedy, and it had every damn right to be. We held back on this for too long, especially Eren, and we were entitled to selfishly indulge in this moment as much as we wanted.

So much desire filled my lips until he couldn't even keep up with the nibbles I was leaving, switching from top to bottom lip, trying to not leave a single spot untouched.

My fingers messaged into his scalp as I scooted closer and changed the rhythm by tilting my head to the other side. I didn't bother counting, but I left what felt like a dozen quick, needy pecks on him as I held his head steadily in place. After a lengthy, noisy last kiss, we parted and I shot my eyes fiercely up to his and they belatedly welcomed me when they partially slit open.

Strong eye contact and wheezing breaths were made between us. Eren gave himself a second to regenerate before going in again for another kiss—but we ended up clipping noses instead. I flinched.

"Easy, take it slow." I said in a whisper and bit my lip after because I just craved to kiss him more right now and that need will probably never be satisfied. I wanted to kiss those lips that said all those sweet things—the same lips that always say the right thing at the right time, that said he loved me and assured me of better days ahead when I was glum in a rut. And lastly, the same lips that reminded me that I'm still human and deserved to be happy. Those sweet, sweet lips deserved a long awaited treat after all they've done.

After a solid nod, he tilted his head (a step he previous skipped) and went in again.

But this time—Eren's lips (and just about all of him) were as stiff as my muscles on a Monday morning after working all weekend. I caught him by surprise before, before he could even realize we were kissing, but now the realization caught up with him and so did his nerves.

"Stop puckering your lips together like that. Leave them parted a bit."

"S...Sorry I'm just really nervous. A-And I suck at this," he said in brash, broken symbols.

"You do, but its expected with your first kiss. Just let me take the lead."

Holding his trembling shoulders, I pressed my lips gentle into his and sucked on his bottom lip before nudging his mouth open and slipping my tongue inside. Unexpectedly, he pulled back. I grimaced.

"W-What are you doing...?"

"I'm..." I cut myself off to lifted a brow. I was about to explain but I stopped just to see if he was serious and actually needed an explanation.

He blinked at me with a stupid, yet adorable look was on his face. Seems like he's dead serious and waiting. Of fucking course he is.

"I'm  _trying_ to French kiss you. Haven't you ever heard of that?"

"Well I'm not French so..."

"...You have to be fucking kidding me, Eren." I massaged my throbbing temple. "Even if I was a  _little_  turned on—and I  _really_  was—you just turned me off with your stupidity."

"Well  _excuse me_  for not being French!"

"You don't need to be!" I raised my voice over his, because wow—he's either beyond stupid or extremely innocent and I didn't have the patience to deal with neither. "It's just what kissing with your tongue is called. It's awkward to explain so just part your lips and follow my lead."

But Eren is an impatient boy—an impatient boy who did not listen and instead rammed his mouth into mine and nearly knocked my teeth out.

"Christ."

"...I'm sorry." We wordlessly decided to call it half-time instead of going right in for another attempt. Eren tried to smile, but it came off as a wavy curl. "Was your first kiss this awkward?"

"I honestly don't remember. Give me a beer and I might." All suppressed memories come back with alcohol, after all "Anyway, here's another tip: Remember to breath through your  _nose_. Your filling me up like a damn hot air balloon."

"I'll keep it noted." He giggled and leaned into me. I was about to think I was in for another horrible attempt, but his chin landed on my shoulder instead and his arms snugged around me. I returned the embrace without even thinking and lifted my chin to his shoulder.

"Thank you." He sniffed and soon my sleeve became damp. "I feel like you really did drop me on the way here. This can't be really happening."

All the tense knots in my face untangled as I rubbed his back to comfort this sniveling idiot clinging to me. I tried to conquer the endearing smile threatening to dominate my lips as I pet the back of his head, but my lips only stretched wider. Before I pulled away, I kissed the cartilage of his ear and tried to suppress the smile the best I could.

"You're tense as fuck." I slapped a hand down on my thigh, trying to lighten the mood because Eren looked a beat away from a heart attack.

"Can you blame me? The guy I've been crushing on for three years just  _kissed_  me on the _lips_."

That's so fucking cute and I had to turn my head to hide the stupid look on my face from him. Thankfully, my ass feeling like it was being attacked with pins and needles distracted me from melting down. I stood up and stretched the cramps out. Eren didn't seem to have any physical pain from sitting that long—I'm envious and I'm also getting old despite drilling the opposite into Eren's head.

"You sound like an old man after a nap." Eren darted a bratty smirk up at me while I freed a grunt as I reached my hands skyward.

"If you want to live to see an old age yourself, you oughta shut up."

"I'm just saying~" He lifted himself up with ease and free of muscle spasms.

I eyed him up and down with jealousy and slowly let my stretched arms descend down. "Tch. Fuck the young." My eyes narrowed. "...That came out wrong."

"Nah, you totally meant that, old men are always trying to pick up people who are sexy and half their age."

I pat him on the shoulder and walked passed him, "Let me know when you find someone like that for me."

He whorled around with fury. "Oh please, you  _totally_  find me sexy and you know it."

"Psh," I cracked an uneasy sneer because _fuck_  did he hit the nail right on the head and I didn't know how to naturally react. "Maybe after a few drinks I would—speaking of which, do you wanna grab a drink before we go home?"

"Drink? As in...an illegal drink?"

"Stop being dramatic, it's not illegal."

"I'm fifteen."

"Well—kissing you is kind of illegal too but I don't see you having a problem with that."

He snickered and pushed up a shrug. "I'm down for it if you are, but just as a warning; I have no idea how I act when I drink."

"It's alright, I'm not letting you drink enough to get drunk. Just a glass or two of something mild. It won't get you tipsy but it will untangle your nerves a little."

"Sounds good to me. Then maybe you can teach me that French kiss..."

"Yeah," I kicked a loose pebble off the cliff of the ledge. "I'll teach you more than that too."

"Like what?"

"I'll tell you after a drink." Because the only way I'd be able to spit something like that out was after a drink. Eren isn't the only ones battling his nerves right now.

"Oh... _shit_." Eren had wondered off to the edge of the wall, looking down at Wall Sina.

"Hm?" I approached him from behind.

"I...don't know if I can go down with you like the way we came up—now that I can see the drop myself."

"It's really safer than it looks. I used to do this all the time when I lived in Sina before I met you."

"Yeah but I'm the one not strapped to any gear, but you are. If you drop me I'm dead."

"If I drop you, I'd speed up and catch you—but really, I never would. I think you should know by now that I'm stronger than I look."

"I know but..." I imagine it must be a little daunting for him. I'm efficient with 3D Maneuver Gear, I  _know_  we're in good hands, but it's not as easy to convince Eren. This is one of the main reason I put a blindfold on him before in the first place. Admittedly, I forgot to think about how he'd react to the trip down.

"There's elevators that go up and down the Walls, you know."

I sarcastically tapped my forehead with a flat palm, like I forgot all about it. " _Oh yeah_ , let me just hop on one and wave to the Garrison soldiers operating it at the bottom as I depart."

"Is there really no other way?"

"Nope—suck it up and hold on."

It goes without saying that by the time our feet reached the ground again, my ear was ringing and my head was throbbing with an incurable headache. Damn Eren's big mouth.

Before we could stop for a drink, we made a slight detour home so I could drop off my gear. I told Eren to wait outside for me since I'd only take a few minutes—but my visit didn't go as quick as I planned.

" _Where is Eren?_ " The second I step foot in the threshold, Mikasa charged toward me like a raging bull and before I could blink I was pinned against the door. "Did you  _drop him_  you weak little man?!"

I lifted my hands in surrender. "Holy shit Mikasa—he's outside because we're going back out. I'm just dropping this shit off."

Damn. This girl has definitely been eating too much protein lately to be able to knock  _me_  off balance—I didn't even know that was possible. How much does this chick weigh?

"Oh. I-I'm sorry. I just—" She loosened her hold on me awkwardly and casted her gaze to the side timidly. I couldn't blame her for jumping the gun—especially after our fight earlier; she was beyond worried about letting me take Eren up on the wall and even though I eventually convinced her, she still had mixed concerns about the idea. Eren's that kind of idiot you get deeply attached to. Seems like Mikasa and I have yet another thing in common.

"She's been a worried wreak, is what she's been. Right Mike?" Hanji butted in, as usual, from the living room.

"Yep. Nonstop talking about Eren all night. And a lot of unfriendly words about you, Levi."

I shot Mikasa a glare, she played innocent with a fake smile and shrugging shoulders. I would have chewed her out for talking shit about me, but then my eyes landed back to the couch at Mike, and his bare feet on _my fucking coffee table_ , and what Hanji was  _doing_  to him.

"...What the hell are you doing to that man's toes?"

"Painting them." She concentrated on laying down another coat before she lifted up her own stubby toes and wiggled them in the air. "See? We're all getting pedicures tonight."

"...I told you not to do anything weird."

"You're just jealous because you weren't invited to get your toes painted."

"Where are you and Eren going now?" Mikasa broke off the idiotic exchange and I nearly thanked her for that.

"Just to a tavern down the block, we'll be back no later than midnight."

"WAIT," Hanji suddenly leaped off the coach and waddled in an awkward stride to not smudge her fresh coat of paint on her toes. She appeared beside me and slammed the door shut and blocked it with her big-ass body. "Before you leave, tell me what happened on the wall first."

"Nothing, move."

"No, you're lying. You—" She adjusted her glasses and came within two inches of my face. Heaving my neck back, I curled my lip in disgust. "Yeah something  _definitely_  happened. There's less wrinkles around your eyes and forehead and you have some color in your face."

Mikasa grabbed my shirt, lightly tugging it to get my attention.

"What?" I bit back at her.

A tentative voice leaked out, "Did Eren have fun?"

"Oh." I wasn't expected that. I looked up. "I think so, yeah."

"Did you?"

"...Yeah, I guess."

"Did you have time to talk and stuff?"

"Yes, but now isn't the time to—" All these questions one after the other left me feeling disorganized.

Hanji side-stepped in front of Mikasa. "Did you kiss?"

"Yea—" My eyes protruded and shot at Hanji with the intensity of a cannon. "Wait..."

"AH _—HA!_ "

What a fucking cheap trick—she should be ashamed of herself and I should be ashamed for falling for it.

"You kissed Eren?" Mikasa eyes bloomed like new born flowers; the color in her eyes intensifying.

I blindly (and desperately) reached for the knob and I backed into the door. Right now, I felt like an unarmed solider trapped between two towering Titans with stupid looks on their faces. The handle jiggled until I finally landed a firm hold on it. "I have to go. He's waiting."

"Waiting for another kiss," Hanji nudged Mikasa. "Am I right or am I right? Heuhe~" She winked, but it looked more like an insane twitch.

I walked out the door and shouted back, "You better be gone by the time I come back, shitty-glasses," then shamed the door and climbed down the stairs where Eren greeted me with a laugh. "You and Hanji are getting along as usual, I see—uh, wait." The sudden switch in Eren's tone had me tilting my head. His eyes were directed downward.

"You forgot to..."

I followed his gaze. My gear was still equipped and strapped to my hips. Those fucking morons distracted me so much until I rushed out of the house and forgot why I was  _there_  in the first place.

I frowned as I slowly twisted my had back at my front door. I made a temperamental face when I realized I'm going to be assaulted with questions a second time and I may not be luckily enough to come out unscathed once I go back in there.

"They were that bad, huh?"

" _Ye_ _s_." I tossed my head agitatedly. "They sorta tricked me into telling them we kissed, so there's that."

Eren's cheeks turned violently pink and he set his eyes on something far away as he rubbed along the fabric of his sleeve bashfully. "O-Oh. I guess that's fine...It's not like there's anything wrong with kissing you."

"Oh yeah?"

"...Yeah." Tucking his hands into his pocket, he smiled smittenly and I fought back the urge to tell him to stop being so goddamn adorable. I pressed my body against his and lured him by the neck down to my level where I met his lips softly. I didn't want to overwhelm him again so I kept the kiss simple—but it still sent a flutter through my chest.

The kiss would have lasted longer if it wasn't for the shrilling screech that came within the general direction of my home. I reluctantly teared away from his lips and scoped out the area—and that's when I saw it. Three pair of spying eyes were peaking out through the blinds of my house—the height in which the eyes landed made it clear who was guilty. Of course that nosy bitch got a nice center view for herself, that behavior is expected—but Mike and Mikasa too? You gotta be kidding me.

"That's it." I unlatched the straps of my gear and let it drop hard to the ground, then kicked the bulky thing until it scrapped along the pavement to the bottom step.

Incoherent yelling came from within the house and the door swooshed open after heavy stomps rattled the foundation. "Hey! Be careful with my gear! If that gets dented I'll get in trouble!"

"Oh, it's  _your_ gear?" I grinned at Hanji in a way that made her eyes widen knowingly. "Silly me, I was being gentle with it because I thought it was Mike's." I charged my boot back and kicked hard enough to put the Colossal Titan to shame, leaving a dent in the machines shiny new surface.

"LEVI!"

Walking off without a care, I placed Eren's hand in mine and flicked her off with the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! How do you guys feel about the babes being official now? :3 Hehe SO MUCH FLUFF AND SMUT FROM HERE ON OUT! \o/ Their date will continue in the next chapter and when they get home Eren will lose...something. ;)


	22. Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Eren's first time inside a tavern, but he's more excited just to be there with Levi. At one point in the emotionally-driven night, Levi reveals a long lost dream of his. Eren vows to turn that dream into their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, sorry for the long wait—and I'm also sorry to announce that this chapter is mainly the rest of their date. In other words, I accidentally lied and there's no smut until they get home. I'M SORRY. JUST CALL ME MS. DISAPPOINTMENT. My life has been hectic after I moved and I've also been busy setting up an online shop for SnK plushies~! \o/ (Psst. They're really cute and need a good home, so if you're interested, check out AttackOnPlushies on Etsy. /shameless self-advertising spam over.
> 
> One last thing, there's a modern song mentioned in this chapter (Dance With Me - Nouvelle Vague) but since this is fanfiction, let's all just pretend the song exists in their timeline, okay? XD;

**~Eren's POV~**

When I was younger, I always wondered about the places Levi disappeared to at night during his days as a prowling night owl; waking up in the evening and taking off until dawn to do God knows what. His schedule had since changed, but when I first met him, I'd turn face to the ceiling as I laid in bed, pondering about him and trying to picture the places he'd leave to when he'd go out.

The brattier, judgmental version of myself figured a thug like him was up to no good, probably selling drugs and mugging people—of course I was proven wrong when I got to know Levi better, but one night my curiosity toppled me like a crumbling roof and I couldn't take the guessing anymore. In a fury I heaved myself out of bed and caught up with him on the streets, keeping a close distance in the shadows until he entered a shabby building.

That's the night I discovered for myself what his "job" was. I still think that following him to work that night was the best decision I ever made, despite all the consequences of Levi wrath and dealing with whacked out hormones surging through my young body. I haven't learned my lesson though, because I followed him out  _again_  when we moved to the underground and I saw for myself that he kept his same occupation. That, too, is a plan I do not regret following through with.

Other times when he wasn't working, he'd leave Mikasa and I at home, departing with the claim of going out drinking at bar. I asked him once, out of innocent curiosity why he didn't just stay home and drink, but he'd say he needed to get away from brats for a while and see people his own age. It was understandable desire—he'd work hard everyday to make sure the rest of our childhood was enjoyable and see to it that we were always taken care of. Mikasa and I were always his top priority, so if the guy wanted to drink out and have some me-time, so be it.

While I would wait for him to return home, I'd entertain myself with trying to imagine how he'd look there, and even though I knew he probably had company I always saw him alone in my imagination, on a lone stool nursing a drink and lost in his thoughts. As much as my imagination would run with thoughts of him while he wasn't present, I never was able to create an accurate depiction of a setting of a bar, since I've never saw the inside of one—until now.

This is kind of exciting; not only did I receive my first kiss tonight, but I was freely waltzing through the front doors of a tavern. I had a certain look on my face; I could feel the bold smirk tugging up my cheeks.

With both of those first time experiences checked off the list, I feel like a proper young adult now—that is until mild disappoint settled upon me. The interior wasn't all that impressive as I imagined it'd be once I made my full evaluation inside. I immediately questioned to myself why anyone (let alone  _Levi_ ) would actively spend their nights in a dark, noisy place like this; filled to the rim with rowdy criminals rumbling with hostility, flirtatious woman wearing unlimited amounts of perfume and make up, and cackling drunks spilling their foamy mugs all around as they laughed at stale jokes that were decades in age. Certainly, this atmosphere didn't suit Levi much at all.

I guess I just figured he'd like to spend his time and money in a classier joint, somewhere quieter with a calm group of locals. But then again, Levi is a thug  _slash_  stripper that works in one of the skankiest clubs the inner walls have to offer. When you take into account the vast amount of liquor bottles displayed along the walls, that might be what keeps him visiting time after time. Admittedly, he did have a bit of a drinking problem, but he knew how to handle himself and therefore I never stressed about it or made it into a rising issue.

The décor resembled any other worn-down restaurant in the underground, now that I did a full three-sixty glance around. A counter wrapped around one side of the room with booths lined up on the other. In the middle laid a free open space of creaky floor boards that looked in desperate need of a sudsy washing—Levi undoubtedly noticed this and looked like he was walking on glass as he maneuvered around the stains and dust balls, cursing the filth wedging in the crevices of his shoes.

The unoccupied space we crossed, skirted with scattered, shabby tables, is probably a dance floor of some sorts that was put to use by the stage emitting music at the back of the club. No one seems to be on their feet, though, other than a few huddled groups of chattering thugs and servers running around with trays of foamy drafts fresh from the keg.

Currently a singer and her live band were playing soft, soothing music. The instrumental melody played off a rhythm from the piano and her vocals heavenly tamed the rough crowd held up at the counter—or maybe they calmed for a different reason. I couldn't help but notice the thugs pause their conversation mid-way just to haul their unsettled glances at Levi as he continued to strut careless pass them, with myself parading a toe length behind.

It was like Levi didn't notice their presence at all, but it was as if they caught onto his scent and lowered their heads like intimidated prey as a superior animal prowled near. If I'm not mistaken, I could almost swear that Levi's old reputation as a thug on the surface transferred down here—or he recently made a new name for himself. I could only hope it was the former. I knew Levi still had a bad habit of stealing and fighting (mainly because I  _start_  the fights and he  _finishes_  them to protect me) but I wouldn't want him to deal in anything illegal or too risky anymore.

Whatever the case may be, the tough guys that itched for a troublesome brawl didn't unsettled me as much as they did when I first arrived because luckily they didn't look stupid enough to start anything while Levi's around.

I relaxed a little and let my focus fall back on Levi and the fact that our date was still in process. I smiled and followed his lead in a lovestruck daze while letting myself enjoy the song currently being performed.

It felt refreshing to listen to some music that didn't come from Levi for a change, but he'll still always be my favorite musician. He's the one who introduced me to music in the first place and taught me every song I currently have memorized. As  _shy_  as he is about it, he's a wonderful singer and I can proudly say I'm his biggest fan. But even so, the band sounded great and I was beginning to take back my first impression of this place. The laid back vibe, never ending drinks and live music combined made quite the hang out. I could easily see how such a place could become a paradise to Levi—and I'm happy he brought me here with him.

Looking around as much as I was, I failed to look in the most important direction: in front of me. I ended up ramming right into Levi's back when he had stopped short in front of an empty booth, deemed by him as  _clean enough._ A group of harmless drunks and a couple toasting for a celebration of some sorts were in the neighboring booths on either side.

Levi barely noticed the collision I caused, though, because he's built like a damn sturdy tree and I didn't inconvenience him in the slightest, but I still felt ashamed for being such a klutz.

Recovering from the embarrassment of bumping into him, I took a step back and let him slide in longways into the narrow bench, then set down my jittery weight after.

Drumming my knuckles nervously as I let out a breath that rattled my lips, I peeked over at Levi across the way. In the dusky lighting, not a trace of blue could be found in his eyes, only a small glimmer reflected off his blackened irises from the bouncing flame between us. A warm glow dyed his pale skin and light and shadows played on his features.

Those narrow eyes of his didn't linger on me long—they slide to the side boredly in search of something more interesting than me. He waved down the barmaids attention when he found her in the herd of drunks. While we waited for her assistance, he let his eyes roam over the stage, a sole finger tapping to the beat on the clipped wooden table and those full lips I owned not long ago tucked together ponderously.

I couldn't exactly distinguish what sort of mood he had entered. I decided it's wisest to treed carefully.

"You seem to like the music." I said in a desperate attempt to end the silence between us. He took a while to answer—and I figured he might have not heard me over all the noise, or simply tuned me out unintentionally. He has such a focused face—like he's concentrating on every passing note and letting it ripe in his ears.

"Yeah." He belatedly answered. "I have a thing for pianos. Don't ask why."

My lips curled into a wavy smirk. Saying that is begging me to question further. "Are you telling me  _not_  to ask why because you want to draw curiosity—or you really  _don't_  want to tell me why?"

"Neither."

"...Okay." I looped the string holding the key around my neck out of nervous habit, my eyes flitting above, hoping a conversation starter was carved somewhere within the crikey ceiling. "Do you know how to play the piano?" I continued to play with the key, sliding it around the string as I displayed pleading eyes, clearly desperate to latch onto a subject Levi would take off from—but nothing I said would lift off the ground.

"No."

I don't know if he's intentionally trying to keep up this mysterious image, but that's exactly what he's doing. Even after he told me so much I still feel like I only filled my jar with a scarce amount of grains. Sometimes, I wish he'd pour his heart out to me and let that jar fill to the rim. I released the key, it rang a chime as I fussily propped my elbow on the table and let my puffed cheek fall in my palm.

I really shouldn't be greedy, this is why I'm called a  _brat_  to begin with.

He's done enough; I shouldn't wish for more. He poured out enough of his heart tonight, more than I ever thought he would. I know that must have taken a lot out of him (it took a lot from  _me_ just listening to all those sweet words I never even imagined his lips forming and that hypnotizing deep voice of his reciting).

Prior to the date, I didn't even bother hoping for such a confession to carry out—just the thought seemed too far-fetched for even my colorful imagination to believe. I deduced it was best not to get my hopes up and latch onto unobtainable wishes, for the time being, but simply put, Levi had knocked me off my feet and left me breathless.

Even now after everything was said and done and the night is growing old and my birthday is coming to a close and I feel satisfied with everything that happened...there's still  _so much_  I want to do with him,  _so much_  I wants to ask him and  _so many_  memories I want to make with him. I don't want this night to ever end. I just want to hear him talk for hours and kiss another thousand times while he thinks of more to say.

I'm selfish and greedy and I don't care—I need to know even more about him. It's unreasonable to get a satisfying amount of information in one sitting, I know, but I want to start, make a bigger chip in his armor than the one I made. No, screw petty chips—I want completely demolish his armor concealing all his privacy and know everything—that way, I might understand him better. I'll know my limits or when I did something wrong or areas I could improve in. When Levi is silent and unreadable like he is now, I want to understand him well enough to know why without him explaining exactly what is wrong or if there's even anything wrong to begin with. I could just be paranoid and this could be his way of dealing with nerves or stress, but I'll never know unless I pick him apart and learn everything about him.

Since he hid the fact that he did have some sort of feelings for me, it's only natural to believe he's hiding even more juicy secrets regarding me and his past and all the other mysteries that morphed the man seated before me now. I was completely unaware of how he felt, and now that I knew it begged more questions—like what else occupies his mind when he's sitting there quietly? Are his thoughts restless or organized? Overall, what else is he held up inside that mysterious facade? I want to know it all—I want to screw a million questions loose right here on the spot, faster than my tongue could keep up with and then have him answer them all one-by-on in detail.

But...That's my immaturity speaking. I can't get too ahead of myself and scare him off, like Mikasa had warned. Her advice never steered me wrong before. For right now, the best course of action is to take a breather, clear my head and take it slow.

My eyes closed as I shoved the impatience into submission and loosened my tense fists on the table.  _Just enjoy the rest of the night with him and worry about personal issues later,_  I coached myself. The date isn't over yet and there's still plenty of time for me to royally fuck up my one chance. Everything has been going better than expected, so I'll take more time spent with Levi and his lips over messing up the whole affair any day.

Another song from the live band came and went and we were still sitting there with nothing to talk about and unattended by the busy barmaid (which seemed to irritate him). Levi's been quiet, still. He hasn't said much to me on the way here, other than a few quick replies and mundane questions; like if I wanted a menu since I haven't eaten much today. I simply explained that not long ago I was flying around fifty meters off the ground and just went on a date with the guy I'm in love with—that gave him his answer, that no, I could not hold anything down right now even if I tried. The conversation didn't go any further than that.

Now that I think about it, he barely spoke to me since we left the wall. He spoke so much then (nearly a month supply in one breath). I assumed that maybe he dried his tongue out; that he'll feel a little more motivated to latch onto a conversation after he quenches his thirst. As for myself, the flavor of Levi's lips still tingled in my mouth; my tongue undergoing sensations it never has before. I can still taste him and I couldn't describe it, but I loved the aftertaste and I feared drinking a drop of anything would overrun this rich flavor coursing through my mouth.

Indecisive on what to order, (or really, trying to figure out what alcoholic drink I would actually  _like_ ) I let Levi order his drink first to give me more time to think. When the server returned with his drink, he slid it toward me, dragging a smear of condensation across the table (and then promptly absorbing the moist trail with a napkin). A questioning brow lifted and I guess looking at a mug of beer like a complicated puzzle had left Levi feeling obligated to spell out his intentions.

"Just take a sip. If you like it, I'll order your own glass for you. If not, we'll figure out what you would like."

"Are you sure I won't get in trouble? I'm not of age..."

"If anyone asks—which they wont—just say you are. They serve to teenagers all the time. Money is money and they don't care who it's coming from."

"Well, if you say so." I took his word for it and daringly picked up the mug of foamy beer, which proved to be heavier than it looked and cautiously brought it to my lips. A whiff of the bubbly liquid rose up into my nose—it smelt just like Levi after a long night of work, in other words, it's a smell I'm very used to.

Some dumb part of me thought it was a  _great_  idea to drink my first beer like water. I don't know what I was thinking—I wasn't thinking at all, come to think of it. Maybe a part of me wanted to impress Levi, or feel more like an adult, but all this did was land me in quite a humiliating predicament. The inside of my mouth sizzled like acid was feasting on the inner walls of my mouth and my cheeks puffed out, trying to reluctantly lock the bitter taste inside, but my taste buds fought against it and soon enough a mighty war educed in my mouth. I fought fiercely to force the nasty liquid into submission to avoid bursting a mouthful free across the table. Levi wouldn't appreciate a shower of beer, surely, so I fought against it, trying to swallow the load.

In this moment in time, my one and only wish was to have this flavor miles from my taste buds and have my tongue scrubbed clean with one of Levi's heavy-duty bristle pads. He gave a displeased expression at whatever sickly face I was giving.

I failed in swallowing. I couldn't take the taste a second longer and ended up spitting out the golden cascade back into the glass (well, what made it  _into_  the glass and didn't splatter onto the table). While wiping my wet mouth on the back of my hand, I passed the mug back to Levi. I tried to play it off cooly but my twitching eye and not-so-subtle dry heaves from the never ending sour residue staining my tongue made my displeasure a dead give away.

Levi stared like I was passing him a stick of dynamite. It soon became apparent he had no intention of taking back the glass. I set it down.

"Was it too hard to just fucking  _swallow it_? Did you really have to spit it back into my glass like a finicky toddler?" Frantically, he scrubbed the moister with a spare napkin, absorbing the aftermath on the table. "It's about time you learn some table manners, Yeager."

I tried to accumulate enough spit in my mouth to dilute that damn disgusting flavor. I swallowed with a shivering cringe before replying, "What for? I won't be feasting with the king anytime soon."

Levi groaned with a sharp glare on me. He quickly got over it, surprisingly, and grabbed the barmaids attention _again_  with a wave to order another round for himself.

I tried to make idle chat while she waited on another customer across the room. The glass of beer before me that gave me war-like flash backs seemed like a good place to start. "I really didn't think it would be that gross. I always assumed you drank a lot because it tasted really good, but it taste like piss. You have horrible taste."

"Hmph," his shoulders shook in amusement. "That explains why I like a shitty brat like you."

Even though he just clearly insulted me, I flushed at those words and a type of warmness I never experienced before fueled me like coal in a chimney. I tried so hard not to smile like a bashful dork but I failed miserably.

I'm still convinced that I imagined that whole confession Levi sprouted out on the wall, like I dreamed of him returning my feelings for so long that I had went mad and started confusing reality and my over-the-top fantasies. I just can't believe it came out of  _his mouth_  despite seeing it for myself—and every time I reminded myself of it, I just want to detonate with gratifying enlightenment.

"It's not bad once you get used to it," Levi scrutinized the glass on the table. "But beer is meant to be bitter. Maybe you'd like wine more."

I leaned back into the hard bench, fanning my hands out in defense like a coward. "No more taste-testing for me tonight. I just want something non-alcoholic."

Levi rolled his tired-looking eyes away until they landed on the barmaid when she approached our booth. "I'll have another beer." With the tip of his finger, he slid the filled glass to the edge, discarding it like it was contaminated. Offended, I folded my arms. The guy will swipe his tongue inside of my mouth but he treats a drink that's been in my mouth like it has cooties. Unbelievable.

The woman picked it up and returned it to the tray propped on her shoulder, confused and silently questioning why he was ordering another round before finishing his first. Levi pointed limply across to me. "For the baby here, one vodka and cranberry. But hold the vodka and serve it in a baby bottle. Need a highchair and a bib too, Eren?"

I sunk low into the booth, not feeling like the grown adult I walked in believing I was. But shamefulness turned to anger and I perked up. If he is going to treat me like a child, I'll act like one. I muttered crankily, "If anyone needs a highchair it's  _you_."

I noticed that the waitress fought back a chuckle pressuring against her lips, begging for release while Levi simply tsked with a pulsating blood vessel forming between his crinkled forehead. Whether he will admit it or not, I'm hilarious. Levi just won't accept the truth—or his biased (not to mention awful) sense of humor won't let him. Then again, he's the reason I've became skilled at equipping snarky comebacks in the first place. His personality, no matter how negative it could be at times, is very contagious—and not only to me.

Sometimes it feels like Mikasa is Levi's actual younger sister when you consider how alike they are. Mikasa always teases me about being easily influenced, but anyone who ever seen them together a few times could clearly detect her admiration for Levi and how she subtly copies his small traits. It's pretty adorable to witness first-hand how much she looks up to the guy (which sounds ironic given that she spends every day looking  _down_ at him).

The student is slowly surpassing the teacher and more times than I'm sure Levi would admit, Mikasa beats him at his own games and left him speechless more than once. The house livens up when those two try to complete against each other—it's even cuter when I'm involved somehow and they're trying to 'non-intentionally' compete to impress me by testing who makes my favorite dish better or bickering about what I like or dislike, only to have me dragged in from the sidelines eventually to settle the score.

I really couldn't have asked for better family. When I lost my mom and my dad went missing and I was parted from Armin I thought that empty hole in my heart would never mend and I'd never live in a domestic, lively house-setting again, or be surrounded by people who care about me. But Mikasa, Levi, and even Hanji came rushing in to fill that gap with overwhelming amounts of not-so-traditional tender care. I've never been more content.

We're not a perfect family; we're actually borderline dysfunctional and weird and downright nuts sometimes. None of us even share a drop of blood between us, but at the end of the day we were always there for each other. It's a wonderful feeling knowing I will always have someone welcoming me back home, asking me how my day went, and backing me up when trouble rises. It's the little things like that that fuel me and help me carry out the days to come. Even on those crappy days where I get my ass kicked in a fight or when I feel homesick and missed my mom, Armin and how life used to be, I knew that everyone would comfort me in their own unique ways. That's why I broke into tears when Levi told me that I felt like  _home_  to him, because I always felt the same way.

Even if we lived on the street with nothing to eat and no where to sleep in the cold rain, if I still had the little family I acquired beside me—I would always be at home.

"This glass is  _filthy_. Did they even bother washing it? Lazy fucks." While in a daze, the server had returned with our fresh drinks. I was relieved to see my cranberry juice was served in a  _big-boys cup._  I took a leisure sip through the straw as I watched Levi struggle with his compulsions; frantically twisting the glass around and holding it up to the candle for better examination. At that moment the tavern turned into a forensic science lab and not a spec of grim was safe under his justly gaze.

I giggled in my hand at his fussy display. It's never a dull moment with him. The glass looked just fine to me, albeit a little cloudy, but Levi's critical goggles were on and not coming off until his inspection was complete.

"Look, there's  _lipstick_  still stuck to the rim. Disgusting."

Thoroughly, he wiped the glass with a napkin. That's when I realized the workers will have to restock the napkins dispenser once he's through with this place.

At long last, he finally got his damn drink once he nearly cleaned the shine off the thing. Just watching him drink that gross piss that fast made my stomach curl. His guts must be made out of steel.

"Hey...Levi." I voiced quietly, watching as he chugged down the contents like a champ and he had no intention of stopping when he answered with a quick hum into his glass.

My eyes averted away as I stirred my juice with the straw. I didn't want this to come out wrong. "...Don't drink too much. I want you to be straight with me tonight."

The golden liquid whirled around the glass when he agitatedly set the mug down hard with a quenched sigh. "Eren. We're two guys and we've been kissing and saying gay shit to each other for the past few hours and you want me to be  _straight_  with you? It's one or the other. Pick one."

"You know what I mean." I said flatly, not giving into his joke. Damn his love of wordplay.

Appearing peeved, he reclined back. "I didn't know my drinking  _bothered_  you that much." He lifted his mug up again, likely out of spite. I knew he would get the wrong idea.

"No, its not like that...I don't really have a problem with it, you're actually talkative and more honest sometimes when you drink..." I tapped my moist glass as I figured out the right words. "But...you do get forgetful the next morning and I want you to remember this...all of this, because tonight is special...isn't it?"

He contemplatively sipped, then removed the rim from his mouth and stared at the mug with an elevated brow. Then the unreadable gaze fell back to me sharply as if comparing the two. He closed his eyes with a roll of his shoulder as he set down the glass permanently. "You're right. This draft really does taste like piss. Suppose I won't be getting drunk tonight after all."

He seemed to be enjoying it fine a second ago. "...You don't have to hold back because of me. It's up to you. I was just...making a suggestion." I got the feeling that he was just blaming it on the taste just to please me, because this whole night seemed to be about _pleasing_   _me_ , in Levi's own special way. I wasn't trying to be bossy—I honestly don't mind as long as he keeps it at a healthy amount, but this is a special night to me and I want to be able to bring it up in the future with him and reminiscence, as corny as that may sound. It won't be as fun if I'm the only one who can remember anything.

"I..." His voice stretched on softly—too soft and he corrected this mistake immediately by roughened up his tone with a clearing of his throat. "I want to remember tonight too. I just thought a drink would loosen me up a bit. I feel so damn  _tense_." His features strained in annoyance and shoulders squared, adding emphasis to the fact.

This couldn't mean that he's actually nervous too...right? I knew it took a lot out of him to say all that stuff back on the wall—I still have a hard time believing it myself and I can only imagine the toll it took on him. It must have been hard for him to say all that, considering his personality and past. But I figured he'd be over it by now. But if he's not...

...I should try to do something to take his mind off it without being too direct, because he'd surely pass up whatever scheme I plot if he caught on to my intentions.

I twisted in my seat, wrapping an arm over the back of the booth. I moved my head around, searching for a distraction I could use on him. Even if I could make a joke or suggestion to loosen him up, I'll settle for that—anything that would lighten his mood. I searched until I saw the couple preciously seated behind us up on their feet, holding onto each other and swaying with the music.

That gave me an idea—if you can call spitting put a suggestion without thinking it over an idea, that is.

"We should dance." I offered jokingly and chuckled—but it didn't come out as I planned. I immediately regretted it. For one, it sounded funny in my head but lame and a little too genuine out loud. Come to think of it, I don't know how to dance and never had the desire to learn. Not to mention this is Levi. Levi would never do something that lovely-dovey with me—or more like I can't picture him being like that, especially in public.

Well, he does shake his ass for money as a stripper, but according to him that's just strictly a job that he gets no pleasure from—this would be purely for entertainment. Any way I look at it, my suggestion still sounded lame and I felt like scolding myself before Levi had they chance, just to save him the trouble.

I figured I had nothing to worry about, though, because when I turned back around I was greeted with Levi's trademark  _look_ : the one that automatically implied a flat-out  _no_  or  _how dare you._

At least the offer might have taken his mind off his nerves for a minute; I wanted to make him smile but I could settle for pissing him off so long as his tension lessens—well, that might make him more tense. Damnit. I unintentionally succeeded in one end, but created another failure as a result.

His eyes removed from me just as his tapping finger relocated to his cheek. He scratched absentmindedly and began to cringe as he spoke, like the words pained him to voice. "Do you actually wanna dance? You never seemed the type to be into that."

"I..." I couldn't just say a solid  _no_. His follow up question would surely be  _why_  I asked him in the first place if I didn't want to. I kept stuttering, staring down at the candle between us.

"You don't have to be shy. I never danced with anyone before so I'd probably be a lousily partner, but..." Sinking back, his folded arms pushed up a relaxed shrug. "I'm willing to try if you want to badly enough."

I strained my head up at that, a bead of sweat traveling down my gulping throat. He can't actually be considering it, right? He's teasing me back, he must be—but I need to make sure. "You...would actually...dance with me?"

He tucked his lips, thinking it over with a quick tilt of the head. "Well...It's your birthday and if that's something you want then..." Levi broke off there because his attention was urgently needed elsewhere by the way his head shot away; eyes expanding in subtle delight. His gaze charged right past my shoulder to the stage. I soon turned my head to see for myself who or what grabbed his attention, but there wasn't much to see. That's when I realized it's what he was  _listening to_  that interrupted all train of thought and left him with that endearing expression.

"...I really like this song." The confession slipped out in breathly beat. The song just started and I couldn't say that I recognized it, but Levi seemed to know the tune far too well. He started to mouth the words in a way to not be detected, but I still read the line on his lips going in sync with:  _'Let's dance little stranger. Show me secret sins. Love can be like bondage, seduce me once again.'_

I became memorized by the way his lips moved to the words, reciting them with all the emotions intended. I admittedly felt the urge to see how his body would move to this tranquil rhythm, not just his lips. Maybe dancing wouldn't be the lamest way to pass up the time and I did say I want to make more memories tonight and surely more first time experiences will live a long lasting mark.

There's one problem, though. I might have suggested the idea, but I really don't know how to go about it at this point. Am I suppose to ask again...or do I want for him to comply? Should I say nothing and just let him follow me? Sharing a dance shouldn't be this complicated—I'm starting to lose the motivation to go through with his half-baked scheme.

The lyrics sung softly and grabbed my attention,  _'Won't you dance with me, in my world of fantasy?'_ and I couldn't tell if the song of Levi mouthing along with the words were trying to persuade me into getting up and dancing at this point. This honestly did feel like a fantasy and I found the song chillingly fitting—if only I knew how to follow the lyrics instructions.

In an instant, Levi's had slammed a hand against the table, startling me, but the support was placed there to aid him out of the booth. I only managed to steal a quick, terrified look at him before he stole my hand and forced me to my feet.

Levi wore an enticing look as he coaxed me to the dance floor, his fingers weaved with mine as he pulled. I scuffed my feet tentatively toward him like the lyrics he mouthed were an attracting spell. We never broke eye contact as he paraded backwards with the slightest sway to his hips.

The music blared when we came closer to the stage and melodies surrounded us—luring us close to each other naturally, feeling bound as our bodies compressed together. My Adam's apple bobbed in my throat as I waved my gaze around nervously, feeling all eyes were on me and I could've swore that my heartbeat could be heard over the music—but Levi made a small dent in my cheek with his finger to guide my eyes back to him, giving me a look that clearly declared that my eyes only belonged  _on him and him only_  right now. Because of that dominating, yet sensual look, I didn't even have the desire to blink.

My hands were guided to rest on his curved hips and I nearly cupped his thin waist hips fingertip-to-fingertip. Draping his arms over my shoulders, his fingers gently stroked the nape of my neck and he guided us into a rotation. The tickle from his fingers caressing me left me with a grin and I honestly had the urge to cry tears of joy at this point in time. I thought he was moody before—but right now he looks so calm; at peace for the first time in so long like a soldier returning home to his family after a long mission. I love that expression because I could  _read_  it. I could tell that he is thinking about me and me only right now and that's the most wonderful feeling I could ever hope for. That alone will make a beautiful memory to look back on.

With his eyes wide like a playful kitten, he lovingly pet along my cheek as he mouthed the lyrics: _'The way I wanna love you, well it could be against the law.'_

With eyes crinkling in mirth, I leaned forward and rested my forehead into his, smirking against his lips until he retreated to my shoulder and continued whispering the next line in my ear:  _'You make the angel fall—Won't you dance with me?'_ I kissed his hair and returned to our slow rotation, rocking gently side to side like a baby in a bassinet.

His pupils expanded in size and the number of candles propped on the walls reflected like glowing orbs on the glassy windows shielding those blue eyes of his. There's less tension skirting his eyes in general and his brows rose above their normal height. He must have been keeping so much bottled up, and now that it was free he could stretch out and unwind.

Feeling a little adventurous now that I got the hang of keeping with the rhythm of the music, I grabbed his hand and rose it above him, spinning him by the arm like a ballerina in an old music box. When he returned back to face me, he lowered his eyes to my chest shyly (yes,  _shyly._ I couldn't even believe it at first.) And even though I couldn't tell for sure, I think he was smiling.

The lyrics reminded me that the music would be over soon and this was the last dance. I cursed the words because I never wanted this song to end, nor did I ever want to stop this beautiful moment that blossomed between Levi and I. With his eyes locked on mine, his lips barely and slowly moved along with the next line.

_'Take a chance with me.'_

My heart fluttered wildly the same way it did when I had glanced to the bottom of the city when we climbed down the wall, except I didn't feel terrified like I did then. Right now, I'm the happiest I've ever been.

The vacant, guarded face Levi often wore had abandoned him, making him free to look utterly vulnerable, but not out of doubt or fear, I was sure. Vulnerable simply because Levi had metaphorically set down his swords, surrendered and bared himself unarmed before me, trusting that I wouldn't do him any harm—and I sure as hell never would hurt him after he had trusted me in good faith. I couldn't possibly ever take him for granted or do him wrong, but I did selfishly take advantage of the sight he gifted me with. Those small beady eyes, once as cold as a sad porcine doll, had come to life. I just felt lucky to be personally given such a look by the man I love, the man who rarely blinks or let's his guard down. In this moment it felt as though he trusted me fully. In each others arms as we were, it felt like we we're the only ones in the room. It was just me, him, and the music and the floor our feet tapped along on.

He almost looked fatigued but I think he was merely overwhelmed from everything that happened tonight. I am too. I helped keep his tired body standing and our slow dance was turned into a tight static hug, but we still swayed together like an autumn branch being blown by a gentle gust; he kept clinging to me like a stubborn leaf that refused to leave his home.

We remained like that for the duration of the song, long after the lyrics ran out and the instrumentals faded. The audience clapping and cheering woke us from our trance.

Levi tangled his fingers in the fabric of my shirt and pulled me to the right level for a kiss, which I eagerly accepted. While he left soft pecks on my lips, he clawed at my shirt, feeling as though he was trying to tame my pumping heart.

Before sitting back down, we tipped the band and I complimented the singer on her voice—but really I wanted to thank them for creating such a beautiful atmosphere for us and making this an even more memorable night for me, but I didn't have guts to say all that, especially in front of Levi. I couldn't even pick a favorite highlight this evening. They all flashed in my head at once when I tried.

I know Levi would think it's incredibly lame if I told him, especially since I'm not even sure what kind of relationship we have right now, but couples usually have their own song...like the one they play at their wedding. From now on, I'm going to consider that  _our song_. I can only hope that the next time I hear it, it will take me back to this magical night.

Some time passed and most of the crowd cleared out, leaving only a few regulars behind. The chatter grew quieter and eventually the live band retired for the evening.

At one point in the night, Levi's left arm found its way over to me; stretching out across my shoulder while a cigarette scissored in his other hand. Watching the stream of smoke traveling up from the red ash to the ceiling took my mind off of how close we were sitting—because if I dwelled on that I was guaranteed to overreact and make an ass out of myself. In the back of my mind I still wondered what I did to be rewarded with this night. Just the way Levi proudly wrapped an arm around me told me more than words could ever say.

I only wish I could enjoy the moment a little more and not be  _so damn nervous_.

With my hands tucked between my thighs, my shoulders stiffly squared from the heaviness set on me (his arm weighed more than most of my barbells at home) but although I was slightly uncomfortable, I love how he's warming up to me. It was like he just needed to speak his mind and get all that off his chest—that's all it took for him to freely do as he pleases now, like a set of cuffs were unlocked from him.

I want to be more relaxed so I could enjoy this. I've dreamed of this for so long and it's  _finally_  coming true, but in all my fantasies I was a confident, romantic mastermind that smooth-talked my way into his heart. In reality I'm nervous and self-conscious with a bad habit of saying the wrong thing. To make it worse, I'm sweating bullets to make the nervousness even more noticeable.

How can he remain so calm after everything that happened tonight? Look at him teasing me with that attractive profile view, puffing on a cigarette without a care like him wrapping his arm around me is no big deal.

This is what sets Levi and I apart. He's mature and knows how to control his emotions and knows exactly how the rules of dating works. He doesn't freak out over casual touches and kissing—but I do. I'm still young and haven't gained all the experience through age yet. We had quite a big gap between us, but I'm determined to fill it. Of all the possible things that could, I won't let  _age_  set us apart.

He hasn't said a word since we sat back down from our dance. I was still floating in the high of romance and so when he wordlessly leaned in with hooded eyes locked on my lips and a slender finger turning my chin to him, I was completely caught off guard and I didn't even want to  _imagine_  what kind of awkward face I made at him.

The sudden kiss came without any prelude or warning but I locked my lips on his like a natural instinct. This time I got a little more daring and placed a caressing touch on the side of his cheek as I played with his beautiful lips.

As the kiss prolonged and stress and fear of messing up came to play, I tried to blank out my mind and let Levi's lips be my guidance. I'm determined to not fuck up and so far I stayed true to that promise. The kisses were soft, short and succulent and the sounds our lips made together topped all the wonderful music I heard tonight. Every once in a while I would open my eye a slit to be rewarded with the sight of his long closed lashes just to remind myself that I'm actually kissing  _Levi_  because a part of my brain refused to believe it. We were actually doing really well—I'm proud I made it at least a minute or two without panicking and pulling away, but Levi ruined my winning streak by yanking away, hurriedly taking an irritated drag and shaking his head in disapproval.

"...Did I mess up again?"

". . . . . ?" More silence, but this time he just looked borderline confused. Then it clicked with a shake of his head. "Oh, no. You were doing fine. I just realized..." he cut himself off there and made no sign of continuing.

I nagged with a _'what?'_

He was hesitant to reply, I could tell, but he turned to me straight on, mouth parted but not ready to speak. After a few beats he said, "I usually can't stand kissing—it's rarely something I take a lot of joy in but—"

" _Buuut?_ " I sang out. I kind of knew where he was headed with this. I smiled.

"You royally  _suck_  at kissing, got it?" Well I didn't expect  _that_ , although it's the truth. I hung my head, ashamed. "But...you'll get the hang of it eventually...and, fuck. I don't know. I just realized I like your stupid mouth. I guess I'm annoyed by it."

I lit up. A wide grin appeared and Levi rolled his eyes away from the sight. I could think of a few better ways of phrasing that, but I'll take it as a compliment. Now I was sure I was dreaming. Maybe I got into a bad fist fight and was in a coma because Levi actually admitted that he  _likes_   _kissing me_ (despite being sucky at it). Well, real or not, the fact still remains that this is the highlight of my life.

"I feel weird," he announced as he killed his ash in the tray and hostility shoved it on the other side of the table with a clink. Wearily, his head fell against the backrest as he side-glanced me. "And it's your fault. You're making me do weird stuff. And say weird things. Did you..." he paused to change his pitch because suddenly he became so sure of himself. "You drugged me."

Smacking a palm on the table, I laughed, which made me guilty based on the face Levi made. My voice rose from the unbelievable question. "I didn't  _make_ you do anything, that was all you."

"Tch."He flicked his gaze skeptically. "This is why I wanted to get drunk so I'd stop being weird but, no, I have to continue being weird. Not to mention moody."

Now I get it. I thought his mood shifts weren't my fault (well technically it is, but not a direct outcome of doing something wrong like I suspected). This is his way of coping with all this—he just doesn't realize it himself yet.

"It has nothing to do with feeling weird, that's just how you feel when you like someone—I thought it was strange when I was a kid too, but I got used to it. And you're not moody, just emotional. It's a lot to take in. You should be more used to this than me, anyway."

"Why do you say that?" He asked with genuine curiosity.

"You have more experience in this field than me."

"...Right." He agreed flatly and lit another cigarette. I suddenly feared the condition of his lungs.

I looked down into his lap and noted the way his legs crossed together and how his foot flicked agitatedly. Wait—I shouldn't make assumptions—I decided to clarify. "I know that doesn't make it any easier. This is the first time I fell in love so I don't know what heartbreak is or how break-ups feel, but you've probably been through that before and that probably makes getting involve with someone new a little scary. But I promise I..." I lost my voice the moment Levi's invested eyes came crawling back to me, but I toughened up and spat it out, "I won't ever hurt you or leave you or cheat on you, or anything like that. I can't guarantee we'd ever be  _perfect_...We'll probably still fight on and off like we always have, but we'll always make up and fix our problems together."

After a few blinks, the smallest show of amusement spread out around the filter of his cigarette. He fought his lips down but to no avail. "You're a good kid." He reeled me in close and roughly pecked my temple. I leaned into his embrace and tied my arms around his waist, my head nuzzled against his shoulder. Even though I'm bigger compared to Levi, I still felt his strong hold around me could protect me from anything.

"Levi..." I tentatively started, my voice muffled by his sleeve. There was only one more important question about all this I had to ask, then I would let him relax his nerves. "Are you...my boyfriend now?"

". . . . . ." The petting of my hair roughened when he jolted a bit at the question; nails reflectively digging into my scalp, like he was trying to scratch away all traces of the question from my mind so he didn't have to answer. I winced a bit in pain but didn't dare back off him. He groaned thoughtfully and returned to softly petting my hair. "Let's just...see where the road takes us and not force anything. We like each other, so let's just start from there and see where that takes us."

"Sounds good to me."

He thrusted off me suddenly to stretch out and retrieve the ashtray, leaving my shoulders feeling naked. What he said wasn't really a bad thing—he basically said he's open to whatever fate comes our way. With a little luck and patience, I might be calling Levi my boyfriend someday—so long as I keep him as happy as I possibly can and prove to him that I'm a worthy suitor.

"With all that said—I want to keep my mouth busy so I don't say more dumb shit, because I already said enough of dumb shit tonight." Once he extinguished his cigarette, he faced me a little closer than I could handle and demanded an unanticipated request. "Make out with me."

The end of his sentence hit me like bullet. Beads of sweat rolled down my cheek and my lips flapped up and down as little sounds came out of my mouth. I scooted back cowardly until my back hit the wall. "I...um...I'm still trying to get a handle on basic kissing. I need to work up to the more advance levels."

"I don't give a shit. I didn't ask for an update on your skill progress. I ordered you to make out with me."

"You can't just—"  _order someone to make out with you_ , I was going to say, but I'm pretty sure, based on the tongue lodged in my mouth that I just learned by demonstration that I can't ever tell Levi he can't do something if he wants to badly enough. But he's not the only one around here that can get his way, I still hold the title for the most stubborn brat. I pried my lips from the kiss with a little shove and gasped for a breath. The look he gave me sent a chill over me—it was like taking a scrap of food from a hungry stray dog.

"I feel... _weird_  about kissing with all these people around." I used as an excuse and eyed the total of five  _conscious_  drunks still in the tavern.

"There's always couples in here sucking face. It's fine." He tired to explain, but suddenly scudded and made a gap between us as he peered almost shamefully into his lap, mumbling. "Shit. Forget it. I didn't know I was embarrassing you or else I wouldn't have— "

"Wait..." I cut him off, my one track mind linking to only one thought right now. "So basically everyone here thinks we're a couple?"

His disenchanted expression popped to confusion. He went on uncertainly, "Uh...Maybe?"

" _Hehe_." I swayed my feet under the table as I giggled, peppy as a puppy wagging its tail.

He heaved back at an angle, looking at my giddy smirk like it was the plague. "You mean...you don't mind if they think that?"

"...What do you mean? Of course I don't mind. If you'd allow it, I'd brag to everyone about you. I just wasn't sure if it was acceptable or not in public, that's why I asked." I wasn't expecting Levi to be surprised about it—but now I'm the one lost, because Levi dipped his head with a tiny curl in his lips.

"So you're not ashamed to be seen like this with me...is what you're saying."

His voice sounded distant and riddled with ambiguous significance, but given that I'm too dumb to pick his words apart, I simple said,  _'Duh,'_  and tilted down to nudged his head back up with my forehead, brushing my nose against his. "Can we practice kissing more now?"

In the close range, he studied me. All the emotion those eyes of his held sprang off and latched to me. Lightly, he pinched my chin between his thumb and index finger and my lips pouted when his silky lips moved onto mine. I parted my mouth just a tiny bit and motioned my tongue inside first, meeting his and twining it into a wet embrace. He skillfully flicked his tongue over the tip of mine, sending a tingle over my prickly skin (and I tingled in other places, but for the sake of not embarrassing myself in public, I tried to ignore the arousal building up). The sensation of our tongues dancing together had me light-headed and I barely could keep my head on straight, it was a good thing he held onto my cheek or else I'd deflate.

The lid shielding my eyes lifted half-way when our lips parted but our tongues refused to part from each other; they remained connected and thoroughly twined and licked every part of each others tastes buds. I felt absolutely no shame or embarrassment anymore and could care less who was watching us now because they didn't matter; only Levi mattered right now.

I revved my hand into his waist and scooted closer—my body naturally and greedily wanting every inch of him to myself. A slight moan transferred into his mouth from mine before closing the gap again—his lips still slippery from my saliva, which made it even easier to maneuver around his mouth.

I've seen people kiss often in my life; between my parents and neighbors or skanky girls and nobles on the streets, but I never imagined something this simple (yet strangely challenging) could feel this good—it's definitely a feeling you can't describe and have to try for yourself. All along I pictured kissing Levi but I left out all the important detail, like how his plump lips pressed against mine like a fluffed pillow, or how my mouth tingled when his saliva combined with mine, almost like a tasty cocktail I watched the bartender mix before, or how this hot fever of mine transferred to him and left his cheeks flushed as the raging blood inside me pumped into my heart like a machine that would conk out at any second from a pressuring overload.

It was like nothing I imagined before—and the best part is I don't  _have to_  imagine anymore. I could actually kiss Levi now. I can hold his slumbering body, I could dance with him, stargaze at the sky with conjoined hands and tell him I love him now. Looking at everything that happened in only a few mere hours, I couldn't guess all the things we would do together once a week or a month goes by. Actually, I could make a few guesses—but then my plan to keep my arousal low key won't go as planned.

In need for a breather, we parted our lips, but not before getting a few last second smooches in before departing fully. When we locked eyes, I shied away where Levi looked more or less the same as he always did.

"You're getting better," he complimented as he arranged his bangs back in place after I had ruffled up his hair with my fingers in the midst of passion before.

"I still suck at it."

He shrugged carelessly, wiping his mouth from all the residue I sloppily left behind. "If it makes you feel any better, I was never very skilled at kissing either, not until I was well into adulthood."

That  _did_  actually make me feel better. When it comes to someone like Levi, it's easy to assume he was born being naturally good at everything—in fact, that  _still_  isn't a far-fetched assumption. Levi's that kind of person that has a natural knack for everything he takes on.

"I know you said you don't remember before—but what was your first kiss like? I'm curious. Is there anything you could remember? Like did you like the person?"

He scratched his chin, darting his eyes to recall like the walls would project a recap. "It's coming back to me a bit." There was a faraway look in his eyes. Maybe this isn't something I should bring up on my own accord. I'm aware that Levi doesn't exactly have the most pleasant past—I could accidentally step on a landmine and trigger something awful from his life if I don't treed carefully.

"Sorry, I shouldn't ask stuff like that."

"No, it's...alright." He seemed amused, like belated nostalgia hit him. Must have been a fun experience after all. I couldn't imagine how he managed to forget his first kiss initially. I'll always remember mine, even when I'm an old man like him.

"It happened a very long time ago, before you were born," he flicked an ash smoothly into the tray and pondered for details. "I didn't actually like-like the person—but that's more of my fault, not theirs. I was a little behind my time. I was around ten when it happened but mentally I was probably five, since I was a pretty sheltered child of religious parents and my hormones didn't kick in yet."

He gave himself a second. I patiently waited although I wanted to hear everything so badly. "The kiss was unexpected—it came out of literally no where, but it wasn't awkward, really. But I was really nervous after it just like you. I was barely able to walk straight and I was confused for a good two hours once I got home," he chuckled, a mixture of nostalgia and melancholy as his eyes played out the scene.

Aimlessly gazing at the table, he rubbed his temple, like the memories cramming in reached their capacity and were compressing against his skull. "So basically what I'm trying to say is: I know how you feel. Don't sweat it."

I grinned, more than I should have. I still had the image of little Levi wobbling around after his first kiss. It's an adorable thought that I'll be sure to store away for later to reflect on. I suppose it didn't trigger a bad memory after all—I'm relieved to learn that. I had such a wonderful first kiss and it's a relief to know that Levi had a pleasant experience too. He deserves to have some happy memories like that between all the bad.

"What happened to the person you had your first kiss with? Why aren't you... with them? If you don't mind my asking." I had my first kiss with Levi—so  _obviously_  I intend to be with him forever. I can't imagine moving on from him and to someone else. I wondered what happened to this person that stole his first kiss.

"Well, it's complicated—" he waved off what he said. "Actually, not really. I saw them more as a friend at the time, but maybe something would've happened between us if I never moved from the boonies and went outside the walls—I actually had that kiss the evening before my parents and I left for the outside..."

He bit his lip, appearing bombarded with sudden depression. I noticed this and immediately urged him to continue his story to take his mind off of that terrible day. "What did they look like? Did you ever run into them since then?"

He took the subject change and ran with it. "Nope. Never seen them since, well, maybe I did but I don't even remember what they look like anymore, to be honest." He paused there and twisted to me, pointing his cigarette inquiringly. "Why are you so curious anyway? I thought you'd get to jealous if we talked about shit like that."

I tucked my hands between my thighs and gave off a little shrug. "I'm not  _that_  bad—I like learning things about you. I wanna know how you were when you were a kid and the special moments you had." Right now, I'm making all my special memories with Levi, but I know he lived much longer than me and had a life before he met me. I just want to know it all. Every bit of his life I want to devour and reflect on as I wish. I'd never get jealous over him talking about the past.

As a kid, I was furious when I saw him with Erwin because it happened right in front of me, only days after I confessed to him, so naturally I was upset. But hearing about the relationships he held and the memories he created with others before I met him were fine with me. Above all, I want to know what made the man I love today.

Feeling inspired from that snippet of info he gifted me with, I asked him to tell me more stories about his childhood. I figured he already told me about his first kiss, so why not tell me more? Or everything. Everything would be nice.

"There's not much to tell. I was a stupid kid. And I was always filthy and hated cleaning or taking baths."

"...You're lying." I really thought we were going to have an  _honest_  discussion here. I should have known better. Levi always gives me a little taste then sprinkles it with bitter teasing.

"No, really. I was  _way_  worse than you. I used to make mud-pies in the dirt after it rained and my mother used to bathe me multiple times a day just to keep me decent. If I skipped even one day without a bath I'd attract every fly within five miles, that's how filthy I would get."

My unsettled eyes protruded on him. "...Wha-What kind of  _clean demon_  possessed your body once you got older?!"

Levi seemed to get a kick out of my reaction—but I was dead serious. How does a filthy kid become a cleaning God?!

"I guess I grew out of the dirty stage; you seem to just be entering it. But I guess after living on the streets and putting myself through filthy shit I just found some comfort in keeping myself and everything around me clean. Tidying-up and having cleanly surroundings just soothes some of my anxiety and uncluttered my head a bit, you know?"

I never really thought about his cleaning habits like that. I just assumed he was a grumpy old man that wanted to enslave everyone into keeping his house clean and needed an excuse to yell at those who were unfortunate enough to make a mess and not clean it up. I never really considered the fact that it might be a coping mechanism. I actually feel bad now for giving him so much lip about helping him clean and teasing him for it. I made a mental note not to do that again.

"What else can you share? I want to know more about you as a kid."

"Psh," his sigh blew up his bangs up. He looked up in recall as he struggled to bring up something relevant. "I really liked animals. Well, I still do, but I was more passionate about it back then. I always wanted to live on a big farm and tame wild horses and breed dogs and stuff. Maybe even do some veterinarian work too." He dipped his head and fiddled with his fingers on his lap. "...It sounds really dumb saying that now as an adult, but what dreams do you expect from a dumb kid?"

"That's not dumb at all!" A sudden burst of energy surged through me. Levi leaned back a bit from the pressure my aura inflicted. That dream of his struck a motivational cord in me. "We should totally live on a farm someday! I'd help you run it!"

"...Where, here? Underground? Other than rats and stray cats and dogs, no other animals can really survive down here. That's why everything is expensive because all the farms are on the surface and all the goods need to be transported down here."

Leave it to Levi to blow out my flaming energy in one breath. "Well, if it's ever safe to leave the walls, we could build our own farm from scratch, far away from anyone that would would find us."

"That's some imagination you got there. Even if that did happen, it wouldn't be anytime soon. If a miracle occurs, sure, but I'd probably be too old by the time that happens."

Scoffing, I folded my arms. "Then I'll just have to take care of the farm  _and_  you all by myself, old man."

He chortled, shaking his head. "You really think anything is possible, don't you?"

"Yep." I quickly declared confidently with erect posture. "Even if I have to wipe out all the Titans myself one day, I'll make you a farm with every animal you want, outside the wall and within walking distance of the sea. We'll tend to the farm all morning, tame wild horses together in the afternoon and walk the beach at sunset and I'll cook your favorites every evening—and I'll keep you warm every night." I reached for his hand in his lap, cupping it lovingly while I swiped a thumb over the cool skin.

As he archived my words, he watched the loving action and a smile stretched out—I thought it was going to turn into one of his typical small and repressed smiles, but his lips parted and his teeth were put on display from the full blown, genuine smile. I stared breathlessly.

In all the years I've know him, I've never saw him smile like that. My eyes teared at the beautiful sight. Seeing such a once in a lifetime expression like that topped the spectacular view on the wall; his smile was brighter than the setting sun and more surreal than being above the clouds and being one with the soaring birds that flew freely overhead.

Levi always appeared ridiculously young, but when he smiled like that without restraint, some laugh lines and wrinkles spread out on the corner of his eyes like crows feet, making him look even older than his natural age, like the rare expression had cracked his skin—and I couldn't help but think of how beautiful he looks right now.

I stared in awe at the sight, the same way I had looked at the natural lands and untouched rolling hills beyond the walls earlier. I have always saw Levi as ridiculously handsome—but the compliment felt dull and unworthy now. I never seen that smile before (and probably won't for a long time) but that expression had helped me confirm that Levi is undoubtedly, overwhelmingly and breathlessly beautiful in my eyes.

Though—the praise doesn't sound like it amounted to much, since my eyes have seen the most ugliest things the world has to offer. When comparing the two, the match seems unfairly compared—but Levi had been the one to teach me (unintentionally) that ugly things could become beautiful after some work and time.

The loss of my mother was brutal and ugly, but the time spent with her was beautiful. Our underground home was in rough shape and wore down and looked beaten and abused, just as we all have been, but we had made it a comforting, safe place where we made uncountable memories. I had to leave my hometown in which I was born and raised and last saw it in ruins and despair—but those events had brought me to Levi. And Levi taught me how to love. There's nothing more beautiful than that.

But like all good things, the moment came to an end and his default expression returned. He continued on with the conversation casually, making me question if what I just saw was a figment of my imagination—but the impression it left on me was too vivid to envisage on its own.

"That's quite a check list you're setting yourself up for. I'm having trouble determining if you're delusional or overly optimistic. Are you sure you didn't drink anything?"

Gulping dryly, I went over his jest and squeezed his hand tighter. "Remember, I made a promise to make you happy, and I  _never_  break promises."

Levi eyes flicked wide, seeing for himself just how serious I was being. He had no retort.

He might understand one day that love kind of makes you feel like you can do anything, that you can take on any challenge and succeed so long as you're doing it for the one you love. And honestly—I wasn't fibbing just to give him false hope. I meant what I said. No one can see the future, obviously, so I don't know what it has in store for us. But so long as we're still breathing, I know I still have a chance to do anything. All I want to do is make this man beside me as happy as he could be and spoil him rotten with everything he desires.

The rest of the night dragged on slowly, thankfully, and I milked the date for all it was worth. At one point, Levi and I were the only remaining customers in the tavern. We had pasted the time with making out again. During this, I heard the bartender asking for last calls. We ignored the offer and focused on each other. After a few more minutes, I had become so involved with Levi that I completely forgot where I was (and I think Levi did too) because I suddenly became so desperate to touch him and I daringly declared just that when I broke from his lips in a husky whisper. Levi had replied wordlessly to my request by luring my hand to his backside. He bit his lip fiercely then charged in to ravish my neck as I fondled him for the first time—I felt a second away from fainting as his teeth sank into my flesh. I ran my fingers though his hair as I shivered from the tongue swiping over my prickly skin like a strip of silk.

Before I was quite determined not to get too worked up and let my  _excitement_  show in pubic, but that plan had backfired. There was no hiding the clear evidence of a bulge proudly presenting itself through the fabric of my pants any longer.

Levi had motioned up from my neck and set quick, sloppy kisses on my lips and I tried to speak between the breaks.

"I...I want to...touch you. I want...to touch you... _everywhere_."

Levi shifted over to my ear, biting the lobe hard enough to make me wince before saying, "Then go ahead—touch me, Eren."

I took that as an invitation and untucked Levi's shirt from his waistband and began to ride my trembling hand up Levi's bare flesh, feeling his hard abs beneath my fingers—it was like nothing I felt before—but the passion fizzled out when the corner of my eye caught the waitress looming over our table. Guilty, I leaped off him with a face so red hot it could heat a small village. As for Levi, he stared up at the woman like a wolf that was interrupted during its mating cycle.

"About time I got your attention," she shifted her tired weight to one hip. I take it that she must have been calling for us for a while. "Just giving a heads up, boys, we're closing the bar off in five minutes. If you want to continue what you're doing, you'll have to rent a room upstairs."

"Why would we rent a room at a bar, exactly?" I asked and realized I sounded like a kid when she chuckled at me. "When the MPs stroll in once millennium, we call it lodging, but most use the rooms to fuck, kid."

I reached out to Levi, tracing a hand down his spine and wanting to take the servers advice and finish what we started up stairs—but Levi slammed down money on the table to cover the bill and escaped my touch when he rose out of the booth and retucked his blouse into his belt. "No, we'll be leaving."

And for the first time this evening, I was disappointed. Maybe I pushed too far, or moved too fast. I caught up to Levi in a jog and was the first to reach for the door, letting him exit first like a true gentlemen—but really, I only did that to catch a glance at the face he wore, but his features had turned to stone and he went on ahead of me with temperament powering his heels.

I must have went too fast after all. I never intended to pressure him or make him uncomfortable, though.

I followed behind slowly without enough of energy to catch up to him. I'm such a fuck-up.

**~Eren's POV End~**

I needed to keep my hands busy and I didn't want to light another cigarette because I already smoked enough to pollute the entire underground and I'm currently one puff away from coughing out a lung. Instead of resorting to death, I took out my key ring and swung it around my fingers I walked the path home.

The keys jingled as it looped around my finger in a spinning motion as I pondered deeply, trying to find words that didn't exist while playing unlikely scenarios in my head.

I don't know how to ask him—I don't even know if I  _should_  ask him at all. Probably the latter. I'm just being a dirty old man that wants to fuck a kid that barely understands the concept of kissing. But I've never wanted someone so fucking badly in my life until now.

Maybe I'm due for a good fuck since it's been ages since I got laid. Or maybe I just wanted Eren all to myself because everything I said on the wall was painfully true and I find the brat unbearably irresistible, now more than ever after tonight after all his sweet inquiries and promises. I probably would have started stripping down back at the tavern if the waitress hadn't interrupted the heat passion and forced some rational thought back in my head.

While mulling over the correct way to bring up this proposition, my legs powered down the street fast, faster than Eren could keep up—I realized, when I noticed he wasn't at my side. When I peered back to see if he was still in close range, I saw him far behind, hunched over and dragging his feet like a lost puppy as his head hung low to the pavement.

I stopped short. Damnit. The idiot probably thinks he did something wrong. I need to let him know that isn't the case somehow.

I waited for him to catch up—and waited and waited as he slowly walked on, eyes committed to the path and a frown just as low as his spirits. When he finally approached me, uncertain to why I stopped, I took his hand in mine and started walking off again, albeit at a milder pace this time so he could keep up. The throb surging from his hand to mine reminded me of just now strong that heartbeat of his is. That rhythm had been my lullaby as of late and I don't think I would ever sleep again without the contenting thump of it pressed onto me.

Eren has no need to be glum or worried over my stupid mood swings because the only way he'd ever fail me or make me truly uncontrollably angry is if that ticker of his ever dimmed to static muteness. But so long as I'm around, I'll see to it that it never does and instead remains my personal lullaby for as long as I selfishly can.

If I didn't realize it before, I did tonight—Eren is a special person. No one has ever told me they loved me or danced with me or promised a future together with me or felt proud to let everyone in the room know I was his. Most people in their right mind would feel ashamed to even associate with a guy like me. But not him. He's so invested in me that it almost makes me sick—in that endearing, overwhelming sort of way. He actually wants to get to know me, not just ask me to bed before asking my name like everyone else. No one asks about my childhood or past, but Eren does because Eren genuinely  _cares_.

For the sake of his curiosity, I don't mind talking about my past (the few good memories, that is), but the reason for my hesitation sometimes has a reasonably explanation behind it. I went so long without talking about it because no one ever inquired me about myself so I lost the urge long ago to talk about myself, which is why I never bring it up or sound particularly interested when it comes up. But really, I'm kind of thrilled when Eren questions me, so long as he doesn't go overboard—which he usually does because he's  _Eren fucking Yeager_  and moderation isn't in that boys vocabulary.

When I checked up on him to judge his current state, his giddy smile had returned again and he was a shift in gear away from skipping down the block like a frolicking school girl. I felt better after seeing that—I don't want him to get the wrong idea just because I'm battling my own mood swings and trying to come up with the perfect phrasing to ask him to sleep with me tonight—I still have no idea how I'm going to bring this up.

"I had a really fun time with you, Levi."

I caught my keys in mid-spin and flicked a quick gaze on him. Depending on his reply, I might be able to casually slip in the proposition after all. "...You act like the fun is over."

"...It's not? I thought we were going home?"

"We are."

We kept walking and his hand felt weak in my grasp, like it took up too much brain activity to think and firmly hold my hand at the same time. I broke the eye contact, fed up with watching him internally struggle. "Why must the pretty ones be so dumb?"

We walked a block or so more before he stopped short abruptly enough for our hands to disconnect as I walked on, but I turned back to see Eren in a motionless trance.

Did the dummy finally catch on?

"Wait. I might be wrong here but...Are we going to... _y'know_."

Yes—the dummy did indeed catch on. I propped a hand on my hip strictly. "Prove to me that you're mature enough and  _say it_."

He swallowed hard, his cheeks dusted with heat. "C-Come on, you're putting me on the spot here..."

I spun back around on my heel and started walking in the direction of our home again. "I guess we'll just have to go straight to bed when we get home." I let out a yawn—and I wasn't added for emphasis, the yawn was genuine because I was actually a bit tired, but sleep could definitely be put on the back burner if Eren grows a pair and spits it out for me.

"Wait." And I did. I paused mid step. I waited for the words I desperately needed to hear. When I hooked my gaze back for my reply, he straightened himself out, coiling his hands as his side anxiously and trailed off uncertainly, his cheeks burned hot enough to send warmth to the entire underground community. "Are we going to...have...s...sex?"

He had asked with his eyes closed, cringing with erected shoulders like he was waiting to be hit by a fist. A while after not hearing my voice, he peeked an eye on me in search of my reaction.

I eyed him up and down, inspecting that body of his that stood overwhelmingly stiff and gawky in that awkward-teenager way, but still oh so desirable and I hated myself for coming to terms with wanting him so badly that my loins practically begged. I have thought it over a lot. And it's finally settled. I  _need_  to have that body all to myself, preferably tonight. My mind started to trail off with thoughts of what I wanted to do in detail to that body with very vivid imagery.

His body is completely pure and untouched and I bit my lip at the thought as a wave of tingles tickled over me. Just like the mischievous child I once was, I had a craving to run wild with him like a fresh patch of snow still untouched by inhabitants and make the territory mine, but instead of leaving my engraved footprints in the snow, I wanted to leave invisible fingerprints on his skin that would never wash off.

In spite of the thirsty desire building up, I managed to replied dully with, "Yeah. If you want to."

A path of red formed cheek to cheek and his eyes grew watery from the overwhelming excitement as he gasped at the confirmation. "Of-of course  _I want to_! But...I don't want you to feel any pressure..."

I stepped closer to him and turned a soft gaze to him. "That only applies to you, Eren. I'm ready—hell, I'm always ready to get laid, but this is a big deal for you. If you're really not ready, it's fine. The offer will always stand so don't think it's now or never. Whether it's tonight or next year I don't care. But you have to be  _absolutely sure_  that you're ready."

God,  _please_  not next year—I practically waited three already. That kid had  _begged_  me back then to touch him and I couldn't bring myself to deflower a child, but that child had since filled out and turned into a boy, but now I wanted to make him into a  _man_.

I've always been terrible with words but body language is my forte—having said that, I'm still new to the whole love concept, therefore I want him to  _prove to me_  how much he actually loves me in a way I'll understand: by fucking me like I have never been fucked before.

This isn't to say I'm expecting much from a virgin, but I had never slept with someone who claimed to genuinely love me. That's bound to be completely different from the lays I've received from past partners because Eren wouldn't be fucking me because he paid for it and wanted to get off. Eren wouldn't be fucking me forcefully for his own needs against my will or using me as a toy. Eren wouldn't be fucking me as a coping mechanism or a stress reliever.

Eren would quite literally be  _making love_  to me because he's genuinely very fond of me. If Eren decides to go through with it, either tonight or sometime in the future when he's ready, than it will surely be a first experience for both of us.

Although I haven't thought it, I subconsciously knew in my heart that Eren was the only one I could ever experience that with and he will be the last—only a kid as dumb as him will ever love me, after all. Strangely enough, I was completely content with that.

When I had snapped back to reality, my hands were in his and his eyes glowed with worry on me. "But... I got the impression back at the bar that you didn't want to go all the way."

"Not in there, not some dirty tavern room. If were going to do it, were doing it in  _our_  house in  _our_  bed."

With a suggestive leer, he lifted one of the hands he had claimed and laid a peck down. I stared down with sunken brows—I'll never give him credit for it, but that was pretty damn smooth, not that I'm in the position to know what could be considered romantic. When I looked up to see where he was driving at, my mouth was stolen by a kiss so sudden that I didn't even have time to close my eyes.

When we parted lips, we remained in the middle of the path for several moments as my eyelids hooded contently at the comforting touch of his thumb swiping over my cheek. Eren studied my eyes, looking at each carefully for several long moments and a smiled he tried to hide crept over his face.

"In that case, let's hurry home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100% smut in the next one—and the one after that. You're welcome in advance. Still, I apologize again for making you wait another chapter, but you'll honestly be sick of smut by the time I'm through with these boys, heuehu... The next update won't take as long, promise. But thanks for your patience during this busy time in my life. :3


	23. Amorous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi might not understand the concept of love as well as Eren, but he is exceptionally adept with other forms of affections. Being the mature adult he is, he plans to pass his knowledge down to the clueless kid. It benefits them both greatly in the long run, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE IT IS. ERERI SMUT. YOU LOVELY PATIENT PEOPLE, YOU GUYS WAITED 220K+ FOR THIS. ...I-I hope I don't disappoint. ;~; Prepare yourselves because there will be a lot of porn randomly thrown in from now on!
> 
> Still can't believe 20k+ went into this smut chapter. What. How did that even happen? Like, they're literally in bed the entire time, I don't even know where this word count came from. I swear when I'm writing or when I read the chapter back it never feels that long, but somehow my word count still explodes every time! (\\._.)/
> 
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. Go enjoy the sex.

On its own my body found its way to the bed. I fell hard on my stomach and sunk into the mattress like stone thrown in a river. My muscles thanked me for the soft landing after such an adventurous outing. It's really been one hell of an evening; breathing fresh air for the first time in three years, going up on the Wall with Eren and sharing that gorgeous view together, spending the night talking, listening to music and dancing in the tavern—I can honestly say I enjoyed myself. For the first time in so long, I felt at ease—not only because I felt free momentarily from this dark pit I call home, but because I got so much off my chest tonight; words I never thought I'd say came out, feelings I never felt before flowed through me, and I kissed Eren the way I've been desperately tempted to for years.

When I looked back at all that happened, it's hard to believe that the night is still far from over.

Before lethargically heading up stairs a moment ago, I had checked on Mikasa, seeing that she was sleeping soundly in her room. I clicked the door shut and inspected the rest of the house, affirming that Hanji and Mike  _thankfully_  had taken their leave before Eren and I got back from the tavern, but of course Hanji couldn't leave without imprinting her presence behind somehow. For one, it  _reeked_  of Hanji, but I became used to that greasy stench long ago, but it was extra potent and fresh. With Mike's strange quirk of sniffing everything and everyone with his strong sense of smell, I don't know how he can bear it.

The living room was a mess and the combining scent of nail polish also lingered on. The kitchen was in shambles as well. It appears the three of them made dinner together and didn't bother tidying up. While tallying up the damage made to the kitchen, I found a note on the counter written in Hanji's hand.

_Congrats of the hot young boyfriend,_ _L_ _evi._

_Hope you guys had fun._

_I better hear all about it soon!_

_-_ _Hanji_

_P._ _S. I'm sending you the bill for the repairs on my 3DMG._

I crumbled the paper in a fit of rage, tossing it in the wastebasket before Eren could see, but him being the curious little shit he is, he still asked me about the contents of the letter. I quickly got him to back off when I threaten him with saying: "If I have to bicker right now, I won't have enough of  _strength_." He caught my drift and that was the end of it.

I never, in all the time I've knew Eren, seen him shut that big mouth of his so quickly. It was like enchanting a magic spell; I actually made Eren shut his mouth without a deadly threat involved. I felt powerful—unstoppable. If I can hold sex as a bargaining chip so Eren does what I say the moment I say it without any lip in return, my life will become ten times easier in the future. And who knows, maybe the brat will gain a little more maturity after he gets laid.

In quick spurts, I kept feeling myself drift off into unconscious numbness, but I'd force myself awake whenever I felt myself going under too deep. I involuntary groaned into the pillow when it struck me that I wouldn't be sleeping any time soon. Although my body was tired, my steady heart waked with a rough pound when I reminded myself why I'm keeping myself awake.

By the sound of it, Eren struck a match and lit the bedside candle, the gentle warm flicker seen beneath my heavy lids along with his shadow shifting around the light. The shapes created by his movements soothed me, and I nearly caught myself drifting to sleep again—that is, until a weight deflated one side of the mattress. I slit an eye open in time to see Eren crawling onto it, causing the bed to tremor as he did. Then he left my sight and a sudden solid weight crushed down on me; he had sprang up on my back like the saddle of a limp, lifeless horse.

"Get off." The demand was muffled, diluting the intensity I deliberated.

"I intend to."

Due to my drowsiness I didn't catch on to his hidden innuendo until it was too late. His arms stood like pillars on either side of my head. Between the back pockets of my pants, I felt a hard friction rub subtly along against me—but stopped just as fast as it began.

"S-Sorry. I don't know why I started doing that."

Really, he doesn't know where these sexual impulses are coming from by now? Are his instincts really that animalistic? That little gesture of his woke me up a bit, or at least woke  _one part_  of me into alertness. Being a firm believer of finishing what you started, I urged him on by scooting into an arched position. I drove my hips back, thrusting back into Eren's crotch.

My anxious breath rode over my shoulder as I eyed him directly. "If you're going to be shy about it, then I'll assume you're not ready."

"A-aah...W-Wait." Too much for him to handle, he grasped onto my hips, trying to gain some control over the rough friction between us. If he reacts this way over a little dry humping, I can't imagine what his reaction will be to actual penetration—can't say I wasn't looking forward to it. "...I'm-I'm just nervous..." Letting out a tiny utter in his throat, Eren squeezed his eyes tight after another rough rub, his cheeks burning hotter than the candle flame lighting the room.

That teasing sound he made was heavenly—I became greedy and wanted more, but not without clarifying. I dug my nails into the pillow, nervous myself. "Are you sure you're ready, Eren? You thought it through enough, right?"

Thoughtfully, his trembling hands glided down my rib cage and curved around my hips, he felt out my body as he mulled over my question for a reasonable amount of time. "I promise, I'm ready. I've been ready all this time."

Now that I had complete consent, there was no reason to hold back anymore, thank God, because I honestly don't know how I'd survive without fucking him tonight. Itching for rougher friction, I reached my hand back and reeled him closer, holding him snugger against my ass and began moving my hips along the protruding bump. Another little grunt slipped out of him as he thrusted back, synchronizing with the rhythm I created.

I whirled my neck back at an uncomfortable angle and pressed a hand against his chest. I unhinged a yawn, making it difficult to speak. "You have to take our clothes off before you can stick it it in, you know."

He went still. "...Yeah, and you need to be  _awake_."

"I am, I am," I slurred. "I'm just tired." My head fell back to the fluff of the pillow, my eyes closing. "Let me rest a bit, I'll be good to go in fifteen. Take a bath in the meantime."

"Wha—no." He sounded offended at the idea. "I don't need one. I just took one last night."

"Hm, whatdaya know, looks like you're due for another." You shouldn't be dirty  _before_  sex, which Eren certainly was. He's been sweating nervously all this time and I can't imagine how he'd be after sex; probably like an unrung mop. I want to start off with a clean slate.

"Fine," he reluctantly huffed, but his words suddenly snapped like a commanding whip, "but don't fall asleep. I  _will_ wake you up."

I felt his weight shift off me hastily. I closed my eyes again as I listened to the rhythmic beat of his bare feet pattering down the steps. A quick nap while he's taking a bath will earn back some of my strength. I'm definitely going to need it, I had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

It's bad enough I'm so out of practice, but I don't want to be too tired to keep up with a virgin. Plus, if I let my thoughts run loose while he's in the bath, I might realize this is a horrible idea that will effect us for the long haul and back out. It's better for everyone if I shut my mind off for a little while.

I felt sloppy nibbles land on my neck and I squirmed with a sour pout at the wet sensation. Little cold water droplets splatted against my cheek and I cringed awake. "Mmm." I opened an eye, peeved that I've been woken up. I shuffled awake and twisted into a seated position, too groggy to comment that Eren was sitting in my lap now.

He shook his hair out like a wet dog, water droplets landed right in my eye. I tsked and wiped the blur away so that I could let my eyes glaze over his tan, glimmering complexion; my sight traveling lower until his happy trail led the rest of the way, guiding me to his low unzipped pants.

"Are you ready now?" he whispered in my ear and let his tongue ride over my neck as he moved his hand to the front of his pants. I strained my eyes down and watched as he started to grab at himself through the jeans. I reclined my head out of his range and caught his hand, pulling it away from the growing bulge.

"I'm the only one who gets to touch you tonight." Eren spent far too many years playing with his own body—he had his fun, now it's my turn to play. My hand cupped up hard into his crotch and he flinched from the sudden pleasurable clash. The eyes he once bore as a child revisited, softening on me like a long awaited release poured over him.

Setting both hands my hips, he pulled me into his lap, our bodies kneading against each other as we explored and memorized each slope of each others bodies. His hand found home on my ass and he set those smiling lips on mine. Our tongues flicked together and glided into a twining clasp. I pumped my hips in his lap and he moaned sensually in my mouth. His hold loosened as I ran my hand up his body and onto his shoulder—then pushed him away and fleetly tilted my head to the side.

If we get too deep into this I won't be able to stop.

"Wait. Hold on a bit longer. Let me go clean up first."

After wiping away some spit from his lower lip, Eren scrunched his brows down. "No. We're not stopping again. I don't care if you bathe or not. "

"Well, I do." I tried to wiggle free from his hold but he pressed a hand down on my chest, trying to pin me in place—he managed to get me on my back and crawled over to barricade me, making my escape seem less likely.

"You can't just start touching me and then leave. Besides," his eyes painted over me as a stiff swallow traveled down length of his neck. "I'm just going to make you dirty again anyway."

I worked my fingers into his hair, massaging his scalp and I half expected him to start twitching his leg like a content pup. Instead, the touch weakened him enough to unknowingly loosen his restrain me. "Patience child. I'll be quick."

He pouted with a displeased rumble in his throat and continued to utter grumbling curses as he rolled off me and lazily spread out against the sheets. Now that he's throwing a tantrum I'll have no trouble running off for a quick wash. I know Eren doesn't take personal hygiene as seriously as I do, but I don't want the kid to lose his virginity to some greasy old man that's been sweating all evening—can't do much about the  _old_  part, though, but I could at least thoroughly wash myself so I smell pleasant.

We're going to be closer to each other than we've ever been before tonight and I want to offer him a clean body to play with, because even though he's an annoying little shit he deserves the best I could give. I only wish I could offer him an unused and untainted toy instead, but there's no turning back time and by now, Eren is used to settling for second-hand, anyway.

Holding onto the banister and readying to descend downstairs, I added, "And you might as well remove your clothing while you're waiting." Just as Eren peeled his head up to shoot me a surprised reaction, I left.

Fresh and still damp from the bath, I nearly finished ruffling my hair in the towel by the time I climbed back up and walked in on Eren pacing like a pendulum, as if searching for a prey. When his hungry eyes set on me, he halted dead in his tracks. I looked down at myself, curious at what grabbed that short-attention span of his.

Right. I'm wearing nothing more than an over-sized button-up blouse that had become translucent over my moist skin—that's reason enough for a teenage boy to screech to a stop. After getting a good look of my upper half, his rounding eyes fell and took immediate notice of my exposed legs. He gulped and I couldn't tell if he was still wet from the bath or if he began to sweat again.

"I told you to take your clothes off," I announced simply and padded closer, still shaking the towel in my dripping locks. He was still wearing his unzipped trousers that sat low on his waist, barely resting up on his protruding hip bones. I never thought an item of clothing would piss me off—but they did. I wanted them off because they're selfishly hiding what I want most right now.

"I didn't wanna just stand here waiting in the nude..."

Ain't that cute. If he really is in love with me, he needs to get used being nude around me...but considering it's his first time, I don't blame the kid. Even though I'm not ashamed of my body in the slightest and never had a problem showing it off to anyone, I'm even a little hesitant about boldly exposing myself to him too. It feels odd—I've known him for so long and we've never seen each other completely nude before. Everyone whose seen my bare body only knew me for a few minutes prior, tops a day. But Eren has been at my side every day for the past three years and he never once saw me without any clothes on.

I wonder if he already sketched an image in his mind on how I'm supposed to look underneath these clothes. I tugged at my collar, trying to hide the insecurity. I can only hope I reach those expectations.

Trying to shake off the diffidence, I found myself and said, "Well, I'm here now. Take your clothes off."

Eren yanked on each end of the towel wrapped around his neck, then whipped it to the side into the hamper, like a sudden streak of confidence fled through him. His thumbs inserted his waistband, readying to pull them down—but he stopped before the big, or small, or average reveal. "Can—Can you look the other way?"

The prior suspense had stiffened me up, but now I found my shoulders drooping loosely in annoyance. I set a hand on my hip, giving a tilt of the head that suggested I was running low on patience. "Eren. We're going to have sex. I'm going to see every inch of you naked tonight regardless of how well you try to hide yourself."

Eren's cheeks bloomed like a fresh summer rose and he dropped his gaze to the floor, I could almost hear his internal screaming.

I wanted to hide my nerves myself, so a defense mechanism switched on and I said the first thing that popped in my head. "You're just trying to hide your little prick from me, aren't you?"

Eren snapped his head up at the accusation. "Oh my God, no. It's  _not_  small." The confidence fizzled out. "I'm probably not as big as you want, though..." He stepped back a space and sat on the bed, his eyes fell to the floor again, his brows curving upward. I hadn't expected him to look  _glum_  about it—I thought he'd go on to argue about how he's  _Titan-sized_  and abandon his shyness to proved me wrong.

"...That was kind of uncalled for, I shouldn't have said that." After disposing my towel on top of Eren's in the hamper, I sauntered over and took a seat beside him, my arms holding up my weight behind me. The fabric of the shirt rid up my thighs, leaving a dangerous amount of skin exposed. Despite his low spirits, Eren—of course—noticed that.

"Listen, I don't care about size, it's what you do with it that counts."

"Psh," he almost laughed, "like  _that_  makes a virgin like me feel better. I don't know  _what_ to do with it." He buried his face in hand. "Ugh, this is going to suck. I'm sorry."

"You haven't even started yet."

"Still, I don't know what I'm doing—I mean," his voice rose higher with worry, "I know the general gist on  _what_  to do, but I'm probably gonna make a ton of mistakes."

I inhaled a bothered breath. "Calm down, idiot. I won't let you make a fool out of yourself. I'll walk you through it— _if_ _I_ _must_. It's not that hard, but don't be afraid to ask questions, unless they're stupid and ruin the mood."

Eren turned an unsteady smile to me, my words seemed to have comforted him slightly. But the friendly gaze soon turned anxious as his eyes, once again, fell to my lap. "So...um...how do we start?"

"Well," I crossed my legs and thought about how to phrase myself. "You've never done this before, so I know you don't understand what your kinks are yet—but the first thing we need to decide is our roles."

"Roles...?"

"Yes, roles. I know I did a shit job at explaining sex to you, but when two men have sex they have assigned roles, you could say."

"Um..." Eren pondered, obviously not following. "The least complicated one, please."

Typical for an idiot to say. I still had much to teach him.

"Neither way is complicated, it depends on what you're comfortable with. You either fuck or get fucked. For example, I personally like  _getting_  fucked, but it's up to what you want since it's your first time and all. I'm fine with either role."

I've already done this more times than I'm willing to admit, so I don't really care what role I'm given or what position I'm in so long as Eren's first time lives up to his fantasies. Granted, I haven't been a top in ages, but depending on what Eren wanted I'm willing to go either way. But something told me he had the opposite in mind.

"I want to fuck you." He claimed boldly and I was correct in assuming he wanted to top. He had leaned in when he said that, close enough to my face to cause train of thought to leave me momentarily. He nuzzled his lips along my cheek, peppering me with light pecks. I nestled my cheek against his hair reflectively.

"Okay. And how would you like it?"

"...I'm confused. Didn't I just say I want to fuck you?"

"What position, Eren." I said flatly in one agitated breath.

...I should be more patient. How is he suppose to know about that? Hell, I don't even know how much he knows or doesn't know. I guess I assumed some of his rotten friends would've given him lewd lessons by now, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I only scarcely told him about sex and everything else he knew must've came from his own wild imagination and natural instinct.

"I feel like I'm filling out a form," he scratched his head, pondering. "I don't know, what are my options?"

He's making this unnecessarily awkward—but to be fair, when I had decided to sleep with Eren I knew I was in for an awkward experience. But, that isn't a totally bad thing—this is new, interesting, not to mention exciting. For three years the thought of sex had become boring to me, but he sparked some long lost inspiration. I haven't felt my sex drive spike this high in years.

Eren returned to my neck, leaving gentle bites behind as I explained, "Well, there's infinite positions, if you're creative and daring enough. But the default one would be me laying on my back and letting you do the work. If you think that's too much pressure, you could lay down and let me ride you— _or_ , if you're feeling shy you can just fuck me from behind so we don't have to look at each other."

"No." He cut off immediately, looking me in the eye. "I wanna see your face when we do it. Just lay down and let me do the work."

"Are you sure? I wouldn't mind doing the work until you get more used to it."

He shook his head fiercely with discord.

"Very well." I branched off behind him in a low crawl. I traveled up the bed and twisted into the sheets, letting my damp hair fall onto the cushion of the pillow. When Eren went to steal a shy peek at me, I gestured a luring finger, coaxing him to come. While I watched him crawl over on his knees, entranced by my silent call, I let my arm fall limply to the side, suddenly weakened from a natural high—the sight of his muscles flexing from the noticeable tension nearly made me overdose.

He slowly closed the space between us, looking unsure about how much closer he should get, but I kept gesturing him closer and closer until he was straddling my hips and looking down at me. Cupping both my shoulders, his bangs brushed my brow as he moved his face in close, attacking my mouth with an eager tongue.

As he made out with me, he set more and more of his weight on me until he laid flat on top of me, burdening me with his full weight as he squirmed his hips into mine. He tucked his arms under me and I wrapped mine around him. We moaned needily into each others mouths as we kept exchanging our saliva between each other. I was so cold before, practically shivering from being damp from the bath, but with Eren's steaming body smothering every inch of mine I felt flaming and hot to the touch, and even remained that way when Eren repositioned himself up in order to get a full look at me, his hands riding along the thin cloth of my shirt as he observed.

I reached out in a daze, his bronzed skin feeling like a magnet. I leaned up a little to season his collarbone with bittersweet kisses (I say bittersweet because I went from softly kissing his skin to sucking it fiercely enough to leave a bruise). After a final slippery suck on his skin that left an instant mark, I laid back, but still worked his toned pecks into my cupped hands.

"You have such smooth skin, Eren." I kept my eyes on his body, letting my finger lightly trace the grooves of his muscles.

"Thanks," he replied bashfully and his hand blindly found my thigh and rubbed me lovingly. "So, uh...Can I take your clothes off?"

"Eren, you can do  _whatever_  you want." The kid seemed the type that would ask permission for every little thing, and as sweet as it is for him to ask for constant consent, that would lose its charm after a while and become a tedious turn off—so, I worded my answer in a way that implied he didn't have to ask permission tonight. Whether he understood the drift or not I don't know, but a red flush crept across cheeks.

Without saying another word, he quickly clawed at my shirt, trying to pry the buttons apart and I simply strained my judging eyes down at his struggle.

"Stupid...buttons..." Still trying to undo the shirt, he mumbled in irritation under his breath, along with a few other curses—something about massacring said buttons if they didn't cooperate with him. I blinked boredly at his pitiful attempt. Of course Eren would have trouble accomplishing something so menial. Growing tired of the display, I shooed his hands away and quickly and effortlessly unfastened every button and spread the shirt apart.

Eren froze. Not even a lash batted. "...Oh my God." He marveled at the sight of my revealed torso, the fluctuating of his chest turning harsh from the change in breathing pattern.

I squared my shoulders, feeling violated suddenly. "...What?"

"Sorry it's just—your body is perfect. Where did you get all that muscle? I never see you work out." I couldn't tell if he was envious, flattering me or just delusional and horny.

"You seem surprised, you've already seen me topless before a few times."

"I know, but this time I can actually  _touch you_. ...Right?" He rose a brow, still unsure of what he was permitted to do to me.

"Yes, Eren. You can touch me anywhere you want."

"So...Does that mean I can play with your nipples?"

". . . . . . ." I was going to repeat myself  _again_  and remind him that he could do whatever he wanted with me and didn't need to keep to asking, because obviously saying you can do  _anything_  didn't come with restrictions. But on second thought, hearing him ask permission and tell me what he desires to do before he does it was kind of hot in its own way.

Instead of lecturing him, I nodded. He pressed both palms over my chest, buffing in a circular motion until his thumbs found two hardening nubs that protruded more as he skirted around them. I squirmed at the touch and bit my lip when he began to pinch at the delicate flesh. I arched my back into a bow to increase the pressure.

"Lick them." I demanded, the heat of the moment turning up.

Eren did just as he was told and dipped his head down and set those full lips of his around my erect nipple. The flicking of his wet tongue sent a scorching wave of sensations as he glazed my rigid tit in his hot saliva. He switched to the other greedily, like a prowling scavenge taking more than his fair share and encased his mouth around my peck. He sucked with a suction so intense it was actually a little jarring. I couldn't help but note that he was quite proficient at that.

I flinched suddenly, Eren had sunk his teeth into my nipple like a cranky teething toddler and filled me with a stinging sensation I can only describe as being injected with a poisonous venom; a venom that numbs you through the veins like a shot of novacane, all just to weaken the pinned down prey.

He continued to nibble and suck back and forth between each, his knee driving between my legs, I spread my thighs further apart at that. I was almost ashamed at how aroused I was getting from his amateur moves—but virgin or not, Eren had a marvelous mouth once he got the hang of using it.

He left my nipples hard and glossing with his hot saliva as his palms rode the curves of my body down to the waist band of my underwear, where his hands paused and admired every inch thoroughly with a number of speculative head tilts.

"You have nice hips..." he bent forward to leave a kiss and I rolled my lower half to reach his lips halfway. I let my hands tangle in his messy brunette hair as his tongue traced along my hipbone—but the gentle licking soon turned to a ravish attack and he bit my flesh deep, sending a cold chill through me.

I gasped in a hissing utter and pressed my lips tight with a flinched. My eye twitched from the sudden water spurting out. That will definitely leave a mark.

"Sorry..." He bowed his head in shame and rubbed the injury gently, but it only made the sting worse. "I'm having trouble holding back."

"Don't be. You're not doing half bad."

"Really?" He snapped a small smile up. He took a deep relieved breath before speaking again. "I'm ready to move on to the next step now, if you are."

I nodded and he braced himself with another breath before digging his fingers into the waistband of my underwear, tugging them down as I squirmed my hips against the mattress to aid in his struggle until they lopped around my ankles, no longer able to keep me covered. I laid completely bare beneath Eren now.

Once he untangled my underwear from around my feet and tossed them aside, Eren turned back to me with a wide stared—and then looked to be paralyzed when he set his gaze between my legs. I thought he'd malfunctioned and I broke the poor kid. I was a half a second away from rebooting him with a smack.

The longer he stared, the more self-conscious I felt—which was downright weird because I never felt such a feeling in my life. Feeling insecure from being the only one exposed, I pushed him up to his knees, looking him straight in the eye. I felt his hardness through his pants already and I let my hand wander up the denim, crossing over his thighs. If I didn't release his stiffness from the confinements of the trousers soon, it looked as though it will break free itself and need a costly tailor job.

Rustling of clothing became the rooms ambiance as I slowly shimmied down his pants, then I finally rewarded myself with a hesitant glance down.

His cock seemed to have sprung up to welcome my gaze. I blinked and tilted my head at it, scrutinizing for a long while until I came to my final verdict that I can only express by saying, "Thank fucking God."

"W-What?" Flustered, Eren recoiled from my sudden words, his teeth grinding anxiously. His cheeks colored with a hue pinker than the tip of his virgin cock.

I grabbed hold of it as casually as holding his hand—he let out a cut-off cry as his eyes rolled in to back of his head.

"It's not tiny. I was worried about that." What a waste this would have been if Eren wasn't yet fully development down there. Just because he had a body of an adult didn't mean  _that_ _part_  was caught up with him yet. That didn't seem to be the case, though. It isn't ridiculously huge and he certainly wasn't  _Titan-sized_  like he claimed; he still probably had some more growing to do, but it wasn't terrible. I had much smaller and I'll be generous enough to call him average.

"Told you."

"You're not bigger than me though, so don't get  _cocky_."

I smothered the chuckle begging for escape with the back of my hand. I saw the opportunity and went for it and I was satisfied with myself, but Eren didn't look as amused with my response as he crooked a brow at me.

"I swear to God Levi, if you start making stupid puns right now my dick will shrivel up for the rest of the night. I'm bigger than you in every other area anyway, so  _you_  shouldn't get cocky."

What a little shit. I gave his cock in hand a firm squeeze and the way his voice squeaked like an adolescent child granted me satisfying power. "Here's a life tip, kid: You shouldn't piss someone off who has your dick in their hand."

"N-Noted." Adjusted to the tight hold now, he smirked, and his body loosened up and wormed into my grasp, urging me to pump—however, he didn't give me much time to start stroking, he already began slipping his smooth cock between my fingers.

I wasn't teasing him before, he was an average size, but I wanted him to realize it's still  _me_ ; that I might be naked and about to have sex with him but I'm still the same familiar person he's gotten to know all these years. My quip seemed to have reminded him of that and calmed him down—he was too damn stiff and jittery before so my intentions weren't in vain.

With the way he was so nervous about taking his clothes off, I expected a disappointed outcome. But I was pleasantly surprised. "You had me worried there for a minute, though." I watched as his hardness moved in an out of my cupped hand; little droplets of pre-cum already dispersed from the tip and lubricated his path. "I thought you had a baby dick or something."

Breaking his concentration, he furrowed his brows and halted the movement of his hips. "I thought you said you didn't care about size?"

"About that—" I picked up his slack and started jerking him with a shift motion of my wrist. "I just said that just in case you were actually small 'cause I didn't want you to get all sensitive. But no, bigger the dick the better."

He laughed. "You're unbelievable," and soon his laughter turned to a shaky cry directed to the ceiling. "Fuck. Like,  _really_  unbelievable—holy shit, Levi. I can't believe you're  _touching it_  right now."

"I wanna do more than touch it," I pumped harder, feeling my opening throb at the thought of him slipping inside me, like my entrance was already greedily begging to become closely acquainted with Eren's cock. "You're still gonna put it in me, right? As soon as I'm prepped a bit, that is."

"As soon as you explain what prepping is, then hell yeah I'm going to put it inside you."

"It's basically just to save my ass—literally. I can usually survive without any prepping sometimes, but I haven't had sex in a few years so I don't want to shock my body."

"...Years?" He repeated.

"Yeah. Why, is that surprising?"

"Ye—No. I just. I'll be sure to be careful, I promise." His words came out carefully, canvased with a grin. I couldn't tell if his words were genuine or if he was giddy about something else. That restless stare of his suggested otherwise, making me dismiss his promise. I felt I'd be teared apart bit by bit like a piece of meat with the way he looked at me. Something told me he would be anything but careful, because careful has never been a part of Eren Yeager's personality.

He pinned a pinching grasp on my thigh as he eyed my spread legs, every inch of them but shying from the center. "S-So what do I do first?"

Deciding not to give him a play-by-play, I stretched out to rifle through the bedside draw with my free hand. I felt around until the shape of a tube-shaped vile entered my hand. It had a light layer of dust on it since I never had a use for it all these years. I wondered briefly if lube could expire, but decided not to dwell on it. I tossed it to him and he caught it awkwardly in his chest. "Like I said, you need to prep me a bit."

The kid looked at the bottle like I gave him a riddle he had yet to figure out. "Right... I can do that."

He still has no idea what I'm talking about, does he?

He flicked the cap with the tip of his thumb and with a  _pop_  it shot off flying across the room. "...Oops."

I rolled my eyes—but couldn't help but to look back, because as much second-hand embarrassment I received from seeing Eren like this, it was pretty adorable, I had to admit. Noticing his hesitation, I coached him on the next step. "Pour some out on your fingers."

With focused determination, he tilted the bottle and let the slick liquid pour out into his hand. The amount was too much and his hand made squishing sounds as he coiled his slippery fingers into a fist, then released, looking unsure what to do with the extra amount.

He switched the bottle to his lubricated hand and reached for a tissue, (I had a feeling we'd be using a lot of those tonight) but the bottle had slipped out from his hand like a wet bar of soap. With obstinate effort, he had tried to catch the vile mid-flight, but it bounced off his palm and dropped to the floor, and finally rolled itself under the bed.

"Damnit. It's so slippery...W-Where'd it go?" he nervously chucked and I slapped a hand over my face dragged my features down irritably.

"This is really sad." I don't think I ever slept with someone so awkward before, having said that we didn't even sleep together yet and it was already this bad. At this rate I'm going to sigh whilst rolling my eyes away from his embarrassment the whole time.

Eren is rock hard and already dripping fluids; the droplets of pre-cum oozing down my wrist couldn't be measured as I jerked him, his lower half quivered wildly as I did—just seeing that made me hard, but we were both left erect with no where for Eren to put his dick because he lost the damn lube and doesn't know how sex works. It should be a classified crime against humanity to be that attractive but be so hopelessly clumsy and awkward when it comes to sex.

"This is all your fault, you know! You're the one just laying there with your l-legs spread in front of me!"

"Uh, yeah, because that's necessary to have sex?"

"I know that but..." he pouted childishly with a blush, looking astray.

"Eren just take a deep breath and go find the damn bottle."

The weight of him released from me and I gave him a little kick in his tush to urge him to hurry up. By the time I checked on him again, he was ducking beside the bed, looking beneath. Christ. Here I am naked and horny and the guy I'm supposed to be fucking right now is rifling through dust bunnies under the bed.

"It rolled really far away...ah..." his voice strained as he reached. "Got it."

He pushed himself to his knees and shook the bottle upside down, only a drop or two leaking out. "It's empty... it must have all spilled out..."

I chewed my inner lip and I'm sure steam began to rise from my head. He's lucky I have a plan B or else I wouldn't have taken his clumsiness so lightly. "It's a good thing you made me buy all that lotion a while back." I pointed to the general direction of the dresser on the opposite side of the room and Eren followed my silent gesture.

My eyes traced over the grooves of the tight muscles holding together his back, I found myself licking my lips as my eyes fell all the way down to his defined ass—I have no idea why he was being shy about undressing in front of me before. I liked what I seen so much that I couldn't help but say, "Not bad."

"Hm?" Eren spun back, bottle in hand but I waved him off in dismissal and instead lured him back to bed with a husky sounding, "Come here."

He returned to his previous spot on my thigh and started to unscrew the cap of the lotion, but I yanked it away before he could make another mess. I squeezed the creamy white texture and circled the gunk on my fingers. "Just let me do this part. I don't want you to do it wrong and make this painful for both of us. Just watch and learn."

Eren leaned forward, watching carefully and for the first time in his life he looked interested while learning something new. If only he paid this much attention during his math lessons.

His dick twitched the moment he watched a lone finger coat my outer hole with thick glob of lotion. The exterior moistened up thoroughly as I massaged the puckered gap in a circular motion. Tingles began to swim through me, from where I was rubbing to the tip of my hardening cock.

Eren did no more than scarcely blink. A heated wave surged through me at the sight of those beautiful eyes witnessing such a dirty act of mine. I've always loved the innocence those teal-green eyes held, but right now I wanted to see them flare with lust; with a greedy need and beastly craving that only my body could quench.

I made sure to pay close attention to his reaction as I slipped my middle finger slowly inside. Blindly, with his eyes still fixed and concentrated, Eren ghosted a hand along my inner thigh, rubbing tenderly and leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. I burnt up from his warm touch, but at the same time his gentle touches felt like cubes of ice and I shivered from the overwhelming battle of temperature fighting for dominance.

Bracing myself with stiff shoulders, I pushed my finger deeper inside, the creamy lotion overflowed and leaked out as I pressed in further until a trace of it couldn't be found. I wiggling it around the smooth inner walls with breathy sighs accompanying.

His attention remained on my self-penetration, and my focus stayed on his face, as if feeding off every little reaction. Being so glued to the scene as he were, he didn't notice until it was too late that my hand found its way back to his dick and I started where I left off with it.

With a jolt, a shaky shrill spilled out; the kind of cry that told a partner they needed to slow down, but I took it as an invitation to pump even harder, desiring to pull out even more of those sounds. My hand wrapped around the width of it perfectly, yet it still felt overwhelmingly full in my grasp. I gave it a firm tug and another finger entered inside. I writhed my hips around the double-penetration and I spread the tight gap apart, wanting to quickly stretch it out so that Eren could fit that fat cock of his in with ease. My head rolled back with a heavy sigh at the thought of the hardness in my hand entering me.

The anxious glide of a needy hand rid up from my thigh. A light tickle of fingertips traced along my hip as Eren teasingly surveyed the area around my stiffening cock. His eyes shot up at me and I panted hotly at the thought I knew he had in mind. I drove my hips up impatiently and Eren caught my throbbing cock, giving it a tug that caused me to melt into the mattress.

"Ah...That's a good boy..." I praised with an airy accent. My heavy lids weighed down and I kept an unfocused gaze behind my thick lashes.

Now this I know he'll be good at. He had years of practice, I'm pretty sure you can qualify Eren as a jacking-off champion after all those nights of playing with himself beneath the blankets. When he began to motion his hand around my length, a rhythm of throbs bashed within my body like a vicious knock. I grid my teeth at the ripple of shocks that shot through me.

I'm the first to soil that hand of his—he's never touched another man there before and some sick and perverted part of me got off to stealing the virginity of his hand. And not only that—Eren's the first to touch me there in three years—I, of course, would succumb to a quick wank every once in a while, but nothing beat the sensations that came from a good handjob from another person.

His wrist motioned quick with skillful precision. I couldn't even match the speed and pressure that pounded against my pelvis. In spite of feeling myself grow weak with pleasure, I tried not to fall behind and did my best to mimic his movements. My toes curled in the sheets as I forced my lips tight, holding my breath to immerse myself in the sensations. But every so often, I'd become desperate for a deep breath of air and I'd unhinge my lips, only to let a shameful-sounding whimper erupt instead.

Still stirring my fingers deep inside myself, I let my eyes wander to the show below my wildly fluctuating belly, seeing Eren thoroughly work my piece base to tip. I switched my sight to his naughty eyes concentrating on his work like a good boy; a good boy that's going to be rewarded very well tonight.

After letting out his own share of shivering moans, he spoke in soft drone, one so silky I mistook it for a dirty comment at first. "What are you thinking about right now?"

"Huh?" My eyes popped wider with a tilted brow. I peered up at him, stopping the motion of my hand. "What am I'm  _thinking_  about?" I mirrored back to him. I slept with a ton of perverts that said a lot of weird shit during sex, but that is by far the weirdest line I've every heard.

Taking a while to reply, Eren scrambled for an explanation, "It's just...I want to know what goes through your mind, especially at a time like this."

I started stroking him again contemplatively, looking far off to the left. "I'm blank."

"Oh." Disappointment mixed with pleasure creates a peculiar sound, who knew. I've never been asked that during sex before—then again, no one I ever slept with actually cared about me enough to give a shit about what I thought about. At times I felt like people saw me as an emotionless sex doll rather than an actual person with feelings who was just short on cash.

"Okay, I'm sort of lying." I sighed, giving in. "I was thinking about how much I like your voice."

"Really? I always thought you said I sounded annoying and whiny."

"You do, but I like the way you moan," I admitted with no shame attached and Eren leaned over to meet my lips. I clenched his bottom lip between my teeth, nibbling a little as we continued to work on each others cocks in hand. Between imprecise kisses, he let me closely watch the way his face twisted from the ripple of pleasure coursing though him as he let that pretty voice of his free.

I had the sudden urge just to attack him, pin him down and force him inside me and ride him until that sweet voice of his became hoarse with a raw throat—and I probably would have done exactly that if I hadn't become so powerless from Eren's strokes.

As if I jinxed myself, he started stroking me even more fiercely, his muscles tensing like a fighter hyping himself up for a match. "I want to make you moan too. I wanna see you completely lose it...that's what I'm thinking."

"Best of luck with that." Eren really does have an awful habit of setting himself up for unreachable goals.

But apparently, Eren was the luckiest kid in the world tonight, because after a minute of his energetic, non-stop movements from his fingers, he pointed out something that made a sudden heatwave rush to my cheeks.

"You're... already starting to drip..."

Checking for myself that I was indeed springing a leak of pre-cum from the tip, I returned my eyes to him and I tried to recover some of the composure I lost, because I sure as hell didn't need to answer Eren with a voice that suited some damsel in distress. "Don't flatter yourself. It's just been a while."

"Hmph," he huffed offendedly and I closed my eyes to block the childish pout from my vision. "God forbid you give me a little credit here."

"I'll... _hah_...give you some when you...earn it." I practically had to bite back the sensual sounds begging for release.

"Mmm."

I reopened my eyes and wasn't welcomed with an anticipated sight. With a thin smirk pasted on his lips, Eren slouched closer to inspect me close-up. I sunk my head deeper into the fluff of the pillow to create space.

"Those little moans you're trying to hold back is enough to tell me I'm doing a good job."

"Psh. You wish. Just shut u— _Aah_... _!_ " My eyes protruded from their sockets and I must have bounced a few inches off the mattress from that; the no-good brat had tightly twisted on my cock like a serpent strangling the neck of its prey. I nearly saw my life flash before my eyes—and after that sound I made, I kind of wish it really was my final end. To say it didn't feel fucking amazing, though, would be a blatant lie.

"Oi, you should practice what you preach. You should know better than anyone that you shouldn't piss someone off when your dick is in their hand~"

With a small smirk and thin eyes to match, I almost believed I was looking into a mirror for a second. What a cheeky bastard. I quickly came to the conclusion that Eren is more suited for the  _dominate_ role than I previously believed. Call me impressed. He does deserve credit, not exclusively for earning it with his amateur skills (though he sort of did) but he's a faster learner than I give him credit for (well, relating to inside the bedroom, at least). If he keeps that up this will be great experience for the both of us.

Feeling that I fell behind in the race long ago, I concentrated fully on his pulsating hardness. I won't be outshone my some brat just because I'm out of practice. My handjobs have always been top notch and I'm going to prove that to him—

—Well, I planned to, but Eren had finished with no prior warning before I had time to demonstrate. And he didn't just simply finish into my hand nor did his juices dribble out to the bed. His hot cum had squirted out with a wild spasm of his hips and it rained down on me like a fierce storm. Drips of white splattered and dotted across my stomach. Eren nearly fainted from the impressive load he released.

"S-Shit..." Eren shuffled for a tissue on the nightstand. "I'm sorry..."

I was still in slight shock, to be honest, blinking blankly and hardly noticing Eren wiping my stomach clean. Sleeping with a virgin is kind of thrilling, in a way—they can't hold back as much as a grown adult, so the exact moment they come is a mystery, like cranking up a jack-in-the-box and waiting for the clown to pop out.

Just as Eren finished cleaning me off, I returned to my senses in time to hear him say, "See, I told you I'd get you dirty again."

Where the hell did he learn smooth talk like that? Surely he couldn't have picked it up from me. This night is turning out better than expected, that's for sure. I brushed my fingers up his chest gently, passing the neck and finally caressing his cheek. "And I want you to make me even dirtier."

Eren gulped as he watched me spread my thighs further apart. His eyes expanded as well and that cocky attitude of his disappeared. Keeping locked on Eren's fixated eyes, I grabbed his wrist. "While were waiting for you to get ready again, help me out."

I guided his two fingers and positioned them between me. I fledged control and ran the tip of his finger along the outside of my wet hole. "Do you wanna play with me here?"

He nodded eagerly. "Just...Just shove them in...  _like this?_ " he asked, but didn't wait for a reply before  _literally_  shoving in his thick fingers. I flinched with protruding eyes as I hissed at the piercing pain of his nails digging along my inner walls.

"S-Sorry!"

"Don't just  _shove_  them in, you oaf. You really need to learn to be a little more delicate." If it hadn't been such a long time, I'd welcome some rough play, but three years without a single lay is a long time and my body will need plenty of exercise until it could handle some abuse again.

"I'll be more gentle now," he tried for round two, placing one hand on my hip for leverage and slowly (too slowly) pushed his two fingers passed my entrance. I let out a lustful sigh at the feel of those foreign fingers packing into me, exploring the exotic new location they never visited before.

"It's so warm...and tight."

The slippery padding within bonded around his fingers tighter, nearly sucking him in deeper on their own. "Yeah...Keep it slow like that." I instructed. "And spread your fingers apart. " I thought it would be a chore, but explaining every step to him was turning me on more than I'd like to admit.

Eren scissored his two fingers apart, forming a constrained little path between. "I can barely move my two fingers around... Sre you sure I'm going to fit in there?"

The lack of movement had me itching for more, so I stirred my hips around, triggering off a few sensitive zones. "We'll make it fit," I finally answered.

Eren was indeed average in size, but I should mention that he's thick. Like almost thicker-than-my-wrist thick and let's just say he didn't own only  _one_  big head. There might be a slight problem, but I don't want to worry his big head about it. Neither of his big heads.

I sprawled out and reached up to claw at the pillow, digging my nails into the case. Soon Eren's free hand cupped into mine. I reeled it to my lips, leaving a trail of kisses on his wrist and up to his outer palm to the tips of his fingers. I left behind little nibbles above his nails and sucked on each fondly. I've never found myself performing actions like that before—maybe because I wasn't emotionally close enough to anyone to show tender actions like that in the past, or maybe because the old me found such actions pointless if it didn't induce pleasure. But some instinct in me kept craving to touch Eren and kiss him in every spot within reach.

Every so often, I found myself checking on Eren's flaccid cock, waiting for him to recover from his orgasm and become erect again because as wonderful as his fingers felt, they paled in comparison to the thickness my body hungered for. After a few more minutes of penetrating me with his fingers, his cock stood strong again. The one pro of sleeping with a young hormonal kid is not having to wait very long for them to get it up for a second round.

"Are you ready?" I asked impatiently and breathless, darting my eyes between him and his hardness below.

Eren looked down as if he hadn't noticed his erection until now—I wasn't surprised, he put so much of his focus on me after all. "...I guess I am...are you?"

I honestly couldn't tell and I didn't care at this point. We only managed to upgraded to two fingers and that probably wasn't enough to fully loosen me up, but I rather suffer a little pain than sit through this agonizing wait any longer.

Running a hand down his bicep, I gave him a subtle nod. Soon after, Eren adjusted his position (and was a little clumsy in doing so) and snugly fit himself between my legs. I let my thighs rest on top of his and my feet curled impatiently against the sheets as he got comfortable. This has been an image I pictured quite a few times: Eren naked and hard between my legs, seeing it for myself really took my breath away.

I couldn't ignore the way Eren stared down at me like a complicated puzzle sprawled out before him, but his eyes still glowed with lust as he brushed my bangs to the side and ran a trail of his nails down my cheek.

"Play with me however you want, Eren." I assured him, trying to calm his tense features. "I'm your birthday present after all. ...Kind of a shitty present, though, if you ask me."

He shook his head subtly, a grin fighting to own a spot on his lips; I could tell he was trying to remain serious, but was clearly excited. "You're the best gift I've ever received. You're all I've ever wanted all these years."

Memorized by his sincere eyes boring into mine, he stoked my cheek and put me under an enticing trance, but I broke the spell with a light swat and a scoff. "You already have me nude on my back with my legs spread, there's no need to flatter me with sweet nothings."

"I'm not. I'm being honest."

I wanted to grin, but it came out as an amused frown. Of course he's being honest. Eren's too much of a sweet boy to lie about something like that—even after all these years he's still a good kid. Even if his personality changes as he grows, he'll still remain that little innocent child deep inside.

His other hand was still locked in mine, our fingers intertwined into a strong grip. Eren swallowed down a mouthful of built up saliva to wet his cotton mouth. His eyes scanned everywhere, as if inspecting me. His pursed lips quivered just as much as his body and because of that, I felt hesitant to just move his cock in place and ingest him in like I had formally planned.

"Are you still nervous?" I questioned.

His bottom lip trembled, almost like he was about to cry but not a tear was in sight. After given some time to think over his feelings, he stiffly dipped his head bashfully, looking far off to the corner of the room. His lips formed a wavy line. "Uh-huh..."

"I know what you'll say already, but I'm going to say it anyway—It doesn't  _have_  to be tonight, you know. If you think this is too soon and you're not emotionally ready, we don't have to do this. We can put a rain-check on it until you're ready." It pained me to say that, because all I wanted was to wildly fuck Eren in every way imaginable tonight, but having sex with him won't mean anything if he's not comfortable or ready. I can hardly believe I feel that way. Usually when I'm horny I can care less about emotions or other barriers that try to get in the way of me getting a good fuck. I guess that goes to show I've matured—or that there's more than physical attachment involved with this kid.

"No, I am ready!" Must he always yell? I get it, he wants to fuck me and I was stupid to doubt the desires of a horny teenager. I just can't help but to be extra cautious right now. There's no going back once this happens, but then again, we did advance to a step that we can't really back down from now.

"I just...fuck." He tugged on his bangs a little, like he suddenly received a pounding headache. His other hand remained in mine, squeezing enough to cut off circulation.

If he's ready and horny, and I'm ready and horny, I don't see the need for delay here. I puzzled over the possibilities. "If you're hesitating because you think I have disease or something... then don't worry. I assure you I'm clean. I've been around a lot but I was smart about it—when I had the choice to be, anyway. Other times I got lucky."

"Wha—" His eyes narrowed, his expression pinched. Judging from that, I guess that thought hadn't even skim his radar. "That's not why I'm stalling. I wouldn't even care if I caught something from you."

I smacked him upside the head. If he didn't have a headache before he does now. "You're  _supposed_  to care about that, idiot." To be fair, I never gave him a proper sex ed talk or discussed STDs with him, but it should be common logic at his age.

"It's nothing like that. I'm just...I'm scared that I'm going to suck at this." He said suddenly, like revealing a big secret.

But this confession of his triggered no reaction from me. I shrugged my shoulders up into the pillow, the gesture came off as peevish but I meant it as assurance. "You won't know if you suck or not unless you try."

"But I  _will_  suck. Would you still like me even if I'm bad at it?" He frowned, as if he had the guts to ask but didn't have the courage to hear the answer.

"...Is that what you're worried about?"

"Yeah," he admitted lowly. "I know I'm not the most interesting person in the world, so if I'm bad at making you feel good then I feel I'm going to ruin everything."

I huffed. And here I was thinking he had a valid reason for stalling. "Eren, if anything is going to ruin anything, it's going to be that dumb loud mouth of yours."

I heaved myself up and reached for the back of Eren's hair before he could give a reaction. I yanked him close to gain his full attention, all the attention I desired was held in those beautiful eyes of his. I looked him dead in the eye and spoke sharply, "Stop thinking and just fuck me already."

To ensure he couldn't give a reply that would ruin the mood once more, I kissed that stupid mouth of his and dragged him backwards with me, his body pressing heavy against mine. His hand roamed down the side of my midsection and I writhed against him as our hard cocks compressed together.

I had his consent, he had mine. There was no reason to prolong this pathetic excuse of foreplay any longer. To be frank, that bashfulness of his is making me so fucking hot. I've only ever been with assertive men that thought they were Gods meant to be worshiped in bed but never lived up to the tales, but here Eren was, mulling with genuine concern about me—actually  _stressing_  the fact that he may not please me. Most men just care about getting themselves off and could give a damn less about their partner.

Eren really is a sweet boy, but I didn't want him to be sweet right now. I want to see his wild passion erupt in a hot frenzy and I want him to tear me up in the best way possible. Little does he know, I've been craving that cock of his for a long time and I intend to get it because I  _never_  get what I want and I finally have the chance to be greedy. I'll be damned if I can't get fucked by the one person I want right now.

With less hesitation, he relocated his hand back in mine and took a few shallow breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth; his warm gust breezing my bangs out of place and raising the hair on my body. I found myself subconsciously following his breathing pattern as I anxiously waited for him to make a move, but he stayed still as stone.

The head of his dick idled near my entrance, teasing it with a little rub. Eren adjust the position of it between my legs, in other words, he was stalling again.

"Eren."

"...Yes?"

"Put it in."

Like my words were a spell that broke the tantalizing curse he was possessed by, Eren locked our fingers tight with a squeeze. With his other hand wrapped around his hardness, he pressed himself forward. With teeth bared, he closed his eyes and struggled to push pass the tight barrier that came between him and losing his virginity. My point-of-view granted me a perfect view of Eren's reactions and as excited as I was getting from the suspenseful built up, I'm surprised I didn't come from the anticipation.

My body suddenly jerked with a slight utter spilling from my throat. Ever so smoothly I felt a fullness fill me—he held my hand tighter as he slipped himself passed and rode half his cock in. His jaw fell open wide and let loose a string of exclaimed, enthralled moans; the first few sounded like gentle weeps, but quickly turned into a roar worthy of being a beasts mating call. A ripple of first time sensations pooled through him judging by the shudder that quaked through his freshly tainted body.

His eyes shot open, revealing a glistening stare from the stream of built-up tears freeing over his thick bottom lashes.

" _Oh_...  _Levi_..." he called my name ever so softly in a short breath, like he was praying to a blessed deity. His tears soaked against my cheek as he gave me a kiss that missed my lips. I could tell by the look in his eyes he was swimming in a dreamy daze and probably couldn't tell which way was up or down. I squeezed into his bicep and I took a few uneven breaths myself as I adjusted to the new addition occupying space inside me. Even though I'm a natural master at poker-faces, I couldn't restrain the pained wince that flicked across my features.

"That doesn't hurt, right?"

While letting in a calming breath through the nose to relax my tension, I shook my head stiffly and distracted my attention on his pecks fluctuating rhythm. It did hurt a little, but that's to be expected. Not only did my tightness resembled a virgin's again, but we hadn't prepped as much as we should have and considering Eren's thickness, and that probably wasn't the best idea. But I could persevere through a little pain; it sure as hell beat waiting through tantalizing foreplay. If I told Eren any of this, though, he'd likely panic and think he did something wrong.

Noticing he wasn't convinced, I said, "I'm okay, really. I'll loosen up any second."

He took my word for it, but quickly added, "I'm new to all this, so please don't be afraid to tell me if I'm doing something wrong or if I'm hurting you. Okay?"

"Trust me, I never had a problem with calling you out for screw-ups and I sure as hell won't have a problem with it now."

His eyes crinkled in mirth from above. "You're so patient. I thought you'd get mad and shove me aside by now."

"...Geez. I'm not _that_ mean. It takes practice. Still, you're not actually doing too bad."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean even  _bad_  sex still feels pretty good."

Disappointment replaced his vanished smile. "Wait, so this is considered bad sex?"

I wavered the idea, tilting my head side to side. "Well...you haven't really done anything yet so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. By the way, don't be afraid to go in deeper."

He shied away with tinted cheeks and gave himself a moment to swallow his nerves. He returned back to the matter at hand and propped his hand up on the headboard for leverage, staring at me with little rattling moans vibrating in his throat. "I'm going to start moving now...If that's okay."

I told him to go right on ahead (I was kind of getting used to him asking consent for every little thing by this point). With the first gentle thrust, all the stinging pain had been overrun with a pulsating vibes fluttering through me. It was during this blissful point of sweet nirvana that I realized something—for the first time I felt completely comfortable with a partner. Eren wasn't a client or a quick fuck for fun. He's special to me; someone I care very much about. I never experienced something like this before.

No matter how I look at it, this is a special moment.

As undeserving as I feel for his affection, I felt grateful that Eren had fallen for me. Out of anyone it could have been, I'm glad it was him. Although I felt unworthy to have such a pure-hearted boy devoting himself to a miserable man like myself. I made so many terrible choices in life—why am I being rewarded? I didn't want to question it—because if I did I might start to think pessimistic shit, like all this happiness is being built up to be taken away. I didn't want those venomous thoughts ruining tonight.

We were finally going all the way—I say  _finally_ , but it still feels too sudden, which sounded ironic when you consider every partner I've had only knew me for a few minutes prior, ranging to a whopping day. Unlike the others who only owned me for the night, I had know Eren for three years. I had watched him age into a young adult, celebrated birthdays and holidays together. I had teased him as his voice began to squeak and crack when he fully hit puberty and stood by his side as his height surpassed my own. I knew his quirks, the buttons that set him off and how to calm his temper down. I had seen him cry and I had seen him laugh until he nearly puked. I had nursed him when he was ill and I learned snippets about his past, his parents, his friends and his ambitious dreams.

I spent every day and night with this boy since the night I met him—yet we were never sexual with each other. I've never even seen this kid completely naked until tonight, even. All those years passed without an ounce of fooling around between us, but by the end of the night that will all change. I already seen Eren's bare flesh displayed to me. He'd taste parts of me he never even imagine tasting before. We were connected to each other and he was experience the wonders of sex for the first time  _with me._ We will finish together numerous times, hopefully, and we will share a special moment together where time stops and nothing matters other than each other.

Tomorrow morning, Eren won't wake up as a virgin and I will be the one who took that title away. Many things were about to change between us. Our relationship will never be the same; for the better or worse, I don't know yet.

Eren's hips were moving slow, thrusting himself mid-way and out again. By the looks of it, he was still tentative about putting it in all the way. As considerate as that is, I won't stand for a teasing taste while I'm greedily craving the whole thing.

"Remember to let me know if I'm doing something wrong," Eren said, his breath ragged already.

"How kind of you to remind me," I bit sarcastically. "You're not, but let me teach you something."

Eren jolted from the solid smack against his ass and he silently begged for an explanation, but I gave him none and let my actions speak for me. Keeping a squeezing grip on his bottom, I forced him snugger between me, shoving his cock deeper inside. I let out a breathy cry as my head fell back on the pillow while I swallowed the rest of his length, feeling filled to the rim now. After recovering from his size, I lifted my head back off the pillow in a fuzzy daze. "Do me a favor and stop treating me like I'm fragile." With all the pent up sexual frustration he horded all these years I know he wanted to fuck me harder than that.

"But... I don't want to hurt you."

"I'll hurt  _you_  if you don't fuck me as hard as you actually want to, understood?"

"...You're going to wish you hadn't said that."

I perked my chin up at the challenging tone. "Oh yeah? Prove it. Ram that cock of yours inside me as hard as you can."

That innocent embarrassment of his had disappeared in an instant, leaving no trace behind. He gave me a look that made my run blood cold—for a split second I thought maybe I will wish I hadn't said that.

He clamped down on my hips, lifting them and digging his nails in deep to keep me firmly in place as he drilled between at a profound speed that made me gasp uncontrollably. The sound of his skin slapping against mine became deafeningly loud with each beating thrust.

My inner walls clenched, tightly embracing every inch of him. My mind and body melted to mush as his thickness moved swiftly in an irregular rhythm, leaving me unprepared for every jerk of his hips.

His fingers formed indentations into my lifted hips as brute thrusts plowed between my legs. Steamy grunts emitted from him and I joined in with my own soft, breathless huffs. The contrast between our sounds were unmistakable. I usually take ages to start feeling anything, but waves of fuzzy tingles washed over me as he triggered off sensitive zones one by one. I could only hope he felt just as good, if not better.

I tend to hide my sounds until I can't detain them anymore, but with it being Eren's first time, I ought to give him some feedback and not force him to overwork himself just to get a reaction from me. A long breathy sigh freed from me as I closed my eyes and grasped the pillow viciously.

"Do you feel good?" He asked with care, his pitch coated with sweet honey.

As I was unhinging my mouth to let out a moan, I stalled and I nodded instead with my brows furrowing in concentration. My eyes squeezed tight, my teeth clenching. A sudden gasped shot down my neck and I released a lengthy moan prematurely; the sound echoed loudly throughout the whole bedroom. In the middle of our choir of lustful sounds, I allowed his name to spill out within the mortifying pitch. " _Eh_ _...ah..._ _E_ _ren_."

"Levi..." he called my name in a way I never heard before. If he had called me a second later, I wouldn't have even recognized it because the way he cursed and whined and slapped his pelvis into me in rough spurts, my mind became so fuzzy that I didn't even know who the hell I was anymore. For a few blissful moments all I felt was pleasure and Eren moving inside me.

" _Ah Levi...Mhmm...Le-Levi_ —!" His hips twinged and his driving force screeched to an abrupt stop. The stillness snapped my eyes open and also ripped me right out of the mood. He extracted himself out of me in an instant and all I saw was a flurry of his wet juices spurting out from his tip, sprinkling onto my abdominal, enough to overflow from my belly button and roll down my waist and create spots of wet residue on the sheets.

"...That's the second time you came on me, Yeager." Damn, just when I was getting into it too. I already established that the pros of sleeping with a kid was that they could get it up fast, but the cons would be that they finish even quicker. Well, this sucks. I haven't even gotten off once and this brat already popped two loads. I said it before and I'll say it again: fuck the young.

"I'm sorry..." I huffed and wiped some sweat from his brow. That must've been the twentieth time he apologized tonight. I should have started counting sooner. "I didn't have time to aim anywhere else..."

"It's fine." I swallowed, trying to wet my dry mouth. "No one can beat the speed of light, after all."

"...Huh?"

"I'm trying to tell you gently that was the  _quickest_  fuck I ever received."

He grumbled and reached for a tissue from the box. He wiped off his residue. "Did I at least do okay  _while_  it lasted?"

Even without his cock plowing into me anymore, I still felt vibrations twinging through me, and judging from that I can safely say, "Yeah—you did okay, like I said a little fast but you'll learn to hold back eventually." While it lasted, it did indeed feel good, especially when you consider that Eren has no previous experience. That calls for some merits.

Eren fondly snatched my hand and escorted it to his face. Pressing it against his high cheeks, his smile stretched out and he caressingly rubbed his cheek into my hand until a gleeful trail of tears streamed down and dripped to my fingers.

"I can't believe it. We just had  _sex_ , Levi." He whispered excitedly, tears still leaking out. I couldn't return the pure expression he gave, I blinked in confusion, probably looking angry unintentionally. I never had someone so excited about having sex with me before. With past clients they'd be zipped up and out the door by now. "I've waited so long to share a moment like that with you."

Not that I was hurrying to ruin this lovey-dovey atmosphere (okay I was because yuck), but I felt obligated to remind the idiot that we weren't finished yet because he forgot a very important step: getting me off. After being so worried about pleasing me, I figured he wouldn't need a reminder. Dumb forgetful brat.

...But my reminder remained unsaid when Eren's hand glided down my abs, his body knitting close and snug beside me.

"Don't think I forgot about you." Eren spoke huskily in my ear as his hand traveled down and grasped my neglected hardness. "I just didn't want to be distracted—now that I'm finished I can focus all my attention on you."

He began pumping and all the sensation I felt prior rushed back to me at once with added intensity. I broke into a sweat and closed my eyes in concentration, focusing on the feel of Eren's fingers gliding tightly. He worked his teeth into my neck, nibbling wildly and then went on to tongue the welts with care.

"Let me hear your voice again."

I cornered my eyes on him, my bottom lip unhinging and unable to keep close. Eren wrapped his leg over mine, turning into me to grant himself an even closer view of my reactions, as if absorbed by every little move and sound he forced upon me. His forehead pressed into mine and those beautiful eyes gazed into mine carefully.

"Ah...hah..." I let out in a shaky whimper, my expression pained from the overwhelming pleasure coursing through my body. My panting breath glazed his damp bangs, and that's when I realized he didn't look very satisfied, in fact, it was like giving away a scrap to the staving—sometimes a little taste could make you go wild with greed.

"Louder, Levi." He said strictly and that assertive order shot right to my hips, fueling me with unexpected arousal. This is a side to Eren I haven't anticipated. With the way he looked at me with serious eyes and recited strict orders I couldn't help but melt.

Eren reflectively began humping against my hip as his hand moved quicker and intensified the rush. Tensely, my back curled upward as my body vibrated and spasmed when his mouth found my nipple. My throat let out louder cries as he thoroughly sucked like a hungry infant.

"Come for me, Levi." He flicked my hard nub with his tongue. "I wanna see you make yourself all dirty."

My hips buckled into his hand as my blank mind struggled to remember how to speak again. "You're such a— _ah_ — _pervert_."

"I am?" His tone rose playfully. "You're the one moaning and shaking from me touching you..." He looked me over, scanning every inch of my quivering and perspired body. I couldn't say he was wrong. I really am in a mortifying position at the moment and I'm shamefully enjoying every second of it—and of course, he is too. Seeing me like this is beyond enjoyable to that asshole, he's soaking up every little sound and reaction I unwillingly give him. I can't believe I let myself submit to a no-good bratty teenager.

If we were both mutually getting each other off, I wouldn't feel like I was in the spotlight like this; but since he's so focused on me and I'm the only one getting off right now, I couldn't help but to flush in shame. Damn brat, he planned that from the beginning, didn't he? He didn't want to just focus on pleasing me, he wanted to focus on my humiliating state as well. Even though I seen though his devious plan, I couldn't do anything to stop it, nor did I even want to. I rather be degraded and swallow my pride than tell him to stop at this point.

Grinding my teeth with a hiss, I stretched my neck back and Eren licked the length of it and my moans vibrated against his tongue. He continued to tug at me, rougher with each stoke and soon my sounds became just as untamed. His grasp revved in a twisting motion as he stroked, adding to the intensity.

I felt my peek charging little by little as it built up with little shocks striking through my veins. My breathing pattern was all over the place; one second I wasn't breathing at all, the next I panted like I was desperately sucking in my final dying breaths. All the little hairs on my body stood up at once like a frighted feline and my muscles tensed as stiff as my grinding jaw. As I convulsed, my sight brightened and flashed with white. My climax exploded through me like a bolt of lightening and a spray of my warm seed soiled my lower stomach.

With my eyes remaining closed, my shaking subsided as Eren's light kisses on my cheek calmed me. I loosened comfortable while I exhaled in a quiver.

Unprepared, my breathless mouth was suddenly covered by his lips before I could even meet his gaze. While kissing me he rubbed at my chest tenderly and left my mouth to release a voice just as smooth, "Did that feel good?"

Unable to speak, I gulped stiffly to wet my dry mouth and nodded with an overwhelming wince.

He chuckled to himself and inspected me below. "You have cum on you again..."

"Just leave it, it doesn't really bother me." After it happening three times in a row I can't really go out of my way to care anymore, that is.

"I think it might be smarter to take a bath  _after_  from now on," he chuckled again, resting his head on my chest. I reflectively massaged his thick locks as I collected my breath.

"So, how was it for you?" I asked, and it felt like the first time I had—I figured I had to be considerate and ask how his first time went.

He rolled to his back, cupping his hands beneath his head. "It was fucking amazing. I'll remember it forever. Was it good for you too?"

"Eh." Feeling chilly, I reached for the blanket and tugged it over myself. "Not bad, I guess."

Eren snapped his attention at me. " _Not bad?_  You're kidding right?"

I've had partners that were far more experiences than Eren; he had a lot of practice ahead of him before he worked up to that point. Being the dominate one in bed holds a lot of responsibility. You really need to educate yourself on all the tender zones and know how to use your piece. Another top's job is to say hard long enough to please your partner. It takes a lot of dedication and self control in order to give a bottom a mind-blowing orgasm. Eren had the basics now, but he had a long way to go before he could reach a point that granted me ultimate fulfilment.

"I bet I can be the best you've ever had one day. Like, actually make you scream and cry because it's so good."

"Oh yeah?" I twisted to him, curling into the blanket. "You talk big for someone who came three minutes into it."

"I just need practice! I know what I'm capable of. I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was possible!"

"Aren't you the same person who said you'd kill all the Titans one day? Yeah, you  _totally_  set yourself up for realistic goals."

"Shut up, if I set my mind to something I can do it! But go ahead, keep running your mouth because soon I'll have you so hot you won't be able to speak!"

I restrained the urge to laugh, it was like a little pup trying to intimidate the leader of a wolf pack. But I'll keep an open mind. After all, big things come in little packages sometimes. "Hey, if you can give me an orgasm as fantastic as you say, I'd marry you."

"...Really?"

With panic rising, I scooted away but he pounced on me with a smile just as overwhelming as his weight. "Eren. No. It's a figure of speech—"

"Let's bet on it!"

What did I get myself into? Wait, no. I didn't do anything. He's taking things out of context as usual.

"If I can give you the best orgasm of your life, you have to marry me."

"And what are the conditions if you don't?"

"Then I just keep practicing with you..."

I granted him a scolding stare. "So basically you win either way."

Not listening to a word I said, he gave voice to his thoughts, "Wait... Could boys get married?"

After sitting up a little, I plucked a cigarette from the pack on the nightstand and lit it with the candle. I needed a smoke, not only because that's an unspoken tradition after sex, but because Eren was starting to annoy me and only tobacco could sooth that nerve. "Listen, I know you just lost your virginity to me and you're feeling all lovey-dovey, but I'm not discussion  _marriage_ right now. Actually, I'm never going to discuss it." Just thinking about marriage made my stomach cramp—but then again that could be from the rough pounds I endured moments before.

"I just want to know!"

"Ugh..." I puffed long as I scratched the back of my head irritably. "Fine...yeah. Figuratively speaking we could get married." None of the churches within the Walls would touch same sex marriages, just goes to show you how much freedom we lack in this cage, but there were ministers down in the underground city who could officially marry gay couples, or so I heard.

"It's settled then."

"What's settled?" My head spun for a loop, a headache gnawing at the back of my skull. He giggled to himself but I was set on snapping him out of his giddy trance. "No, Eren. Don't start getting your hopes set on this. You're just going to get hurt."

Eren pinched my chin to him and revealed his suggestive, yet solemn glare. "The only thing that will get hurt is your  _ego_  when I prove you wrong."

I sighed. I can't take him seriously. If I did I would've had a nervous breakdown years ago. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say." I thought nothing of it and simply laid my back against the headboard, taking another drag.

"Let me try." Eren reached out just as I turned a bewildered gaze on him. I reeled my cigarette away from his reach.

"What? No. You're too young to smoke." Geez, he jumps to one annoying topic to the next. And I actually thought he'd gain maturity after he got laid. He seems worse. Damnit, what have I done?

"But I'm old enough to have sex? Psh, give it here."

"Hm." I grumbled at him, studying him, but I admitted defeat and passed it between our fingers with a sigh. Why the hell not, I already defiled his outside, might as well taint him from the inside too and finish the job.

An expected cough later, I turned to Eren to see a steady stream rolling down his face. He coughed into his elbow and swiped his tears on his forearm.

"Knew you wouldn't like it." Surely his precious pure lungs would reject it.

He took another puff, trying to act like an unfazed little shit even though he obviously hated it. "Nah it's totally—" He coughed out a cloud of smoke, "— _Smooth_."

" _Right._  Can I have my cigarette back?"

He made a sour face, similar to the one he made when he had his first sip of beer and passed it back to me.

"Keep it. Ugh, that gave me a head rush."

I was actually kind of  _relieved_  that Eren's body rejected booze and cigarettes. That's not very common in teenagers. When he was growing up I had a bad feeling that he'd get into bad habits from living in the slums of the underground with a ton bad influences around him. That didn't seem to be the case, thankfully. I remember having no problem swigging down my first glass of liquor or burning my first smoke. Then again, I was in a pressuring situation; it aided my struggles and helped me live with myself. Maybe Eren is just content with his life and his body doesn't crave extra substance to get by. I hope it stays like that—I don't want Eren to depend on anything or ruin that special mind and body of his.

As I enjoyed the rest of my cigarette, Eren set out to create deep hickies along my neck. I closed my eyes and relished the feeling it gave me.

"We get to do it again...right?" Eren bit again, then shot up a pair of doe-like eyes as he patiently waited for his answer.

Sighing a little, I extinguished my cigarette into the bedside ashtray and sunk down onto my back. Eren climbed on top of me, taking that as an approval.

He smiled down at me kindly with eyes that matched, then kissed my forehead, my nose and cheek—the same as I did when he was little. When he pulled back, I couldn't look away. I caressed his temple and brushed his bangs aside, then let my hand wander to his lips, where I traced them carefully with a tentative stare.

"Fuck me again. And come inside me this time."

At that, Eren's eyes widened on me, but he didn't say a word in return. With only my words fueling him, he was ready to go again and not long after I found myself crawling at his back and panting desperately over his shoulder.

**~x~**

Checking the time became more of a challenge than it ought of been. Between continuously riding Eren in reverse on his lap and his mouth caught deep in my crook of my neck with his hand stroking me, I was barely make out where the clocks hands resided.

"It's seven in the morning already?" I announced in disbelief, blaming my erroneous vision on my exhaustion and the constant stimulation distracting me. I craned my neck further, trying to double-check the time, but Eren switched sides on my shoulder kissed my lips for the hundredths time.

I had previously paused the motion in my hips, but Eren picked up the slack and pounded up into me, bouncing me in his lap. He kept me stable in his hold as I twitched at the shift in rhythm and I arched my back and I moaned skyward. Fuck, he sure has a lot of energy.

Between the rough thrusts slapping against my ass, I spat out, "Mikasa... will be getting up soon. We need to stop."

"Let me finish first." For the dozenth time, I might add. I actually lost track of how many times we've came tonight. I don't know how such a lazy kid (that usually needs a nap just from washing the dishes) is still able to function properly at this point. Hell, I don't even know how I'm still  _awake_ , never mind participating in an endless sex session.

"Fine. Just keep your voice down." I whispered and twisted around to face him, adjusting my position to sit in his lap face-forward. My own dripping cock massaged against his lower abs and pulsated with raw intensity. Having one orgasm after the next really does a number on a person and my dick honestly was started to feel chafe from all the stimulation.

I enveloped my arms over his shoulders and enfolded my legs around him to secure my position because I knew things were about to get bumpier—I was starting to grow accustom to his moves by now and knew when to brace myself or when I could keep my guard down, but even so, despite my preparations I often found myself unready for him.

Holding a stern gaze on me, his hips buckled up and my voice spilled out as I felt a gush of his previous fluid swish around inside me. After a while we didn't even need to reapply any more lubricant. Thanks to Eren's never ending supply, we made do with our own natural supply.

Eren clutched my ass in his hands firmly as I sprang in his lap with all the energy I could afford to spare, then he spread me wider apart and wedged himself in, granting himself even deeper access. I muffled my rasping moan by trapping it in his shoulder.

With my hard cock grinding against his lower abs, I swiveled my hips around, stirring his cock around all the wet juices overflowing. That earned a blaring moan from Eren and I reflectively slapped a hand over his mouth. "That's  _n_ _ot_  being quiet." His lips vibrated against my fingers; the little sounds trapped beneath resembled a pleading whimper. I felt abusive for neglecting their release.

As if I'm in the position to lecture him, hell, I can't even blame him. I could barely keep myself quiet. After so much fucking I was hyper-sensitive all over and fully aware of every light touch, every thrust, and at this point a simple kiss could probably make me climax.

I rested my head on his shoulder and muffle my sounds in the crook of his neck. My eyes teared in pleasure as his body rocked into mine. His arms hugged around me tightly and I briefly found myself thinking that I never wanted those arms to leave me.

Not only are we giving this mattress a workout, but ourselves as well. I'm no stranger to over-exerting activity, but I can honestly say that Eren wore me out tonight. Both of us are exhausted and drenched in each others sweat and cum and our voices were one moan away from being hoarse—it's been a long night.

It wasn't long after that the last remaining liquid dribbled out of me in a quaking shudder, and Eren followed soon after and vibrated inside me before releasing another wet load deep inside. "Ah..." My pitch rose as high as my tensing shoulders and my toes dug into the mattress. I trembled uncontrollably and Eren held on to sooth me.

As I huffed with Eren, I looked down at the splattered mess I left on his stomach. I think that was the last of it—I'm completely out of ammo now.

Shakily with some helpful support from Eren, I pulled myself up feebly, separating myself from him for what felt like the first time in hours. The amount of his fluids that came rushing out of me couldn't be measured. Trails of creme raced down my quivering, soaking wet thighs.

Eren fell back to the bed and I collapsed on top of his hard damp body and I probably crushed the kid, but I didn't have the strength to care. His liquids continued to ooze out of me, tickling as they streamed down my skin.

We caught our breaths for several long minutes as Eren rub tenderly along my spine, the recurrent affection drifted me into a tranquil state. After pulling the blanket on top of us, I got comfortable and curled closely against him. My eyes hooded contently from the sound of his heartbeat pumping in my ear. Soon I found myself quietly tracing shapes in his chest while he brushed his fingers along my shoulder.

Eren broke the silence after a long while of recovery. "How're you feeling?"

"Sore."

"Aw, I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I am too." There was a smile in his voice and my own sadistic grin pressed against his chest.

That's kind of expected after humping throughout the entire night. Geez—Hotshots used to promise me that I was going to be  _'fucked all night'_  many times in the past, but it never actually lasted  _all night_  before. I always assumed it was a figure of speech. Turns out it's actually possible if your stamina and body could hold out. Or if you sleep with a kid as hyperactive, stubborn and determined as Eren.

"It reeks like hooker den in here." I said simply with a sniff.

"And what kind of a smell is that?"

"Semen. And sweat. Everywhere." I cringed. "Gross. Remind me to spray a whole bottle of air freshener in here later." Even while being in the tranquil state I was in, my mind couldn't help but form a mental checklist for tomorrow. "I'm probably gonna need to clean these sheets a dozen times, too."

"Don't worry about that right now, just relax." He pet my head, working his fingers through my hair.

"Honestly, I don't. I don't even care that I'm filthy. I'm too tired to care."

Eren weakly laughed agreeingly and sunk closer to me and wrap his arms tightly around. He rubbed gently up and down my back as his steady breathing pattern rocked me into unbeatable drowsiness.

The last distant words I heard from Eren was, "I love you so much, Levi."

Between those sweet words and his soothing heartbeat, I drifted right into a peacefully deep sleep—but it didn't last long, (or at least I don't  _think_  it did since I was still exhausted) because I woke up the instant I felt Eren's presence leave me.

I bolted up from my comfortable position, causing a head rush as I looked at the empty space beside me. Being half asleep as I was, my thoughts had clung to the worse, that either I dreamt up the whole thing or worse, Eren left just like everyone else—but that was absurd, why would I even think that? I held my head, a migraine rushing in. I couldn't tell if I was asleep for seconds or days but panic struck me and I couldn't force it away with logical reasoning. All I wanted was to see Eren right now. I didn't care about anything else. That's the only thing that will take this fear away from me.

"What're you jumping out of a dead sleep for?"

I slowly twisted my glance over my shoulder and saw Eren there, smiling at me as he zipped up his pants.

My stiff muscles melted at the sight of him. I shifted to sit in his direction, my legs bent beneath me as I blinked at him, tilting my head.

"What's wrong?" His brows spiked in concern.

"...Nothing. Don't pay attention to me, I'm half asleep." Now that I was a little more awake, I didn't even remember what nearly caused me a panic attack. I yawned and tossed the thought away with a simple  _oh well_.

Some of my rational senses fled back to me. And the first thought I had was: Shit, he is so  _hyper_. He fucks me for hours then walks out of bed like it's any other day. Where did he get all that energy? Either that's normal and I'm just getting old or he's superhero with unlimited strength, but surely a superhero would have no trouble washing the dishes and taking out the trash—not unless it's his weakness.

I dismissed the stupid, ponderous shit that normally goes though most peoples heads while they're half-crocked and instead turned my attention back to Eren. "Come back to bed." I groggily demanded, reaching out to him. He took a few steps forward and grabbed my hand and swung our arms playfully.

"I will soon, but I'm starving."

"Oh." I laid my head back down and broke our hands apart. Eren finished getting dressed and I watching him all the while. It actually felt like a sin to cover that body. Now that I know how he looks under those clothes, I'll never look at him the same way again, that's for sure.

"What about you? You hungry?"

The empty feeling in my stomach made that question easy to answer. "I am, but I don't have the energy to get dressed and go downstairs." Just thinking about doing that made me yawn.

"Hm." He folded his arms and pondered for a solution. "I would make you breakfast in bed, but your rules say no eating in the bedroom."

Well, that solves that problem. "Fuck the rules. The beds filthy anyways," I declared in a fit of rebellion.

Eren chuckled as he leaned in to smack a kiss on my forehead. The key around his neck dangling in my view.

"What was that for?" I muttered into the pillow as he pulled away with a smug smile.

"You just looked cute so I wanted to kiss you, that's all." He traced his finger alone my jawline then turned his back to me. "I'll go back us breakfast." His steps headed toward the stairs, but halted suddenly. He turned back as if an idea sparked in his head. "We'll probably feel more energized after we eat, what do you say we go for another round before bed?"

I probably would have gave a alarmed reaction to that suggestion if I wasn't too tired to move my facial muscles. I mumbled with a pout instead. "Are you even human."

"Yeah, just a very horny human."

I stuffed my face into the pillow, making it difficult to speak. "Ugh. I'm so tired though."

Eren loomed over me and combed my bangs though his fingers. "I know, but you're so cute when you're sleepy."

Like  _that's_  a good enough reason for wanting to kill me from over-exertion. "But Mikasa's probably awake now."

"I think she's still sleeping," he tangled my hair in hand, looping a strain in his finger as he looked off toward the banister. "She might've stayed up late with Hanji and Mike last night—that gives us some extra playtime."

I peeked up at him and that was the worst decision I made tonight. It's impossible to say no to that face, so I didn't, I gave myself a fighting chance. "I'll tell you what, if your cooking tastes good and you don't burn anything, we can have one more quickie before bed."

"Really?" Motivation surged though him and his face lit with enthusiasm. "In that case you're getting the best breakfast of your life!"

"Sure." I rolled over unimpressed and Eren trampled down the steps and I comfortably squirmed against the sheets, set on taking another nap before he came back. Eren's become pretty good at cooking, but he always manages to fuck something up, he'll likely burn the toast as usual or under-cook the eggs. I didn't have anything to worry about. I'll fill my gut and get back to sleep.

Just as I felt myself drifting off with the content thought of stuffing my face, a sudden, revolting thought popped in my head and my eyes bulged open. I shot up my head off the pillow again, earning another headache and likely a sore throat after screaming, "For the love of God Eren,  _please_  remember to wash your hands!"

An exploding giggle traveled from downstairs. "I know, I know! I'm washing them now! ...I did almost forget though. Heh..."

I sighed and fell backward, the pillow catching my head. I smiled up at the ceiling and I closed my eyes again with a subtle shake of my head. What am I going to do with that brat?

After a quick cat nap, Eren returned with a tray in hand and pampered me with a proper breakfast in bed. Turns out it was the best breakfast of my life, or maybe I was just so hungry because Eren burned all my fuel and  _anything_  would have tasted good. Regardless, Eren won the deal.

Once the deal was squared away, Eren panted beside me at the ceiling and draped his damp wrist over his forehead. "Holy shit. I never knew my body was capable of feeling _this good_ —all the times before last night pales in comparison."

"And what other lover are you comparing it to, exactly? Your hand? Psh." I rolled my head straight and shared the same view as him before continuing my roll of sarcasm, "Phew, I really beat the odds there."

"Hey, I'm just saying you're good. Like,  _really good_."

Again, he had nothing but his hand to compare to, but it's not like I never heard that before from more experienced partners. "And I'm probably the best you'll have, which is unfortunate for you. You'll probably still scream my name when you fuck others in the future." I teased and poked at his cheek, but Eren didn't budge. My brows rose at this.

Propping up on his elbow, he bore into me, his bottom lip hanging abhorrently. "You're  _really_  thick, you know that?"

I strained my eyes down to inspect myself with a tilt of the head. "I've been told."

Eren pulled his peeved eyes away and glanced at my dick, then hastily covered my shame with the blanket. I half wondered if it was too distracting for him but he gripped my shoulders before I could think another thought.

"Did you even listen to me up on the Wall at all? I said I wanted  _you_. I said I love  _you_. That means I only want  _you_ , and I only want to sleep with  _you_. No one else.  _Ever._ "

"...Really now." I know Eren feels strongly for me, hell, I really like the kid too, but even though I briefly pondered our future together when he had colored us such a perfect happy ever after at the bar, I didn't dwell on it long, thinking it might jinx it or disappoint me more when I discover we don't actually have a promising future. Just goes to show how much my pessimism controls my thoughts. "You actually want to stay together until were old and gray, then?" I said it mockingly, but Eren returned a serious expression.

"Well, you'll be old and gray way before me, but that's the goal."

"Hm." I hummed in my throat. I know his promise back at the tavern was far-fetched, we'll never live a fairy tale life on a farm near the sea beyond the walls, but for the life of me I still couldn't picture something simple like us getting married, like he blabbed about earlier, or growing old together. I couldn't picture Eren old, either, so that might have something to do with it—but I digress. "Most men run from commitment, but you're willingly signing up for it well in advance. Remind me to have Hanji examine your head. Something is seriously wrong with you."

"Stop joking around. I'm being serious." Eren laid his head close to mine and rubbed my forearm with worried features. "It's really not that uncommon to love someone and spend the rest of your life with them."

I clicked my tongue and rewarded him with a little doubting nod. "No. It isn't, I suppose." The frown on my face deepened. I nearly choked on my following words, "But it is uncommon for someone to love me."

"...I knew it." Realization flashed in his eyes. I curled my lip at him with a tsk.

"Wow thanks. I didn't know it was so obvious that I'm unlovable."

"No, I mean," he shuffled forward and I groaned. I just wanted to sleep but this brat always wants to engage in a never ending chat after he gets off. "I had a hunch that you've never been in love with anyone before...that's why I was throwing hints earlier. I thought you'd tell me about your first love or something since it was relevant but you never did. Is there a reason why it never happened? Did you just date a lot of people but never fell in love?"

"Oh Christ." My head began to throb. "You talk more than a woman after sex. Aren't you tired yet?"

"I got a second wind," just as I already conjectured. He fluffed up his pillow and got comfortable. "Don't avoid the question."

What question was he even asking? Was he asking for a reason why I never been loved? How does that even imply an answer, it should be obvious. "It just never happened. I never wanted it to happen to be honest."

"So in other words you just never found the right person."

"If I fuck you  _again_ will you shut up?" It was an empty proposition, really, because I could never survive another round, not unless he didn't mind fucking me while I slept.

"No, I rather listen to you talk." Funny, he wants to listen to me but all I hear is his voice drumming my ears. He definitely needs his head checked. A teenage boy choosing conversation over sex? He can't be fully human. I'm calling it.

"Yes Eren, I never found anyone, happy now?" I confirmed hostility, then rolled away. With a sigh, I loosened up the most my face would allow and gathered my breath because I knew Eren wouldn't let up that easy. Why did I need to confirm this?

The mood shifted suddenly and it could have been due to the lingering passion in the air. I felt Eren's eyes digging into my back and I flinched from the heavy stare set on me. I spoke slowly, "I guess you can say that no one ever found  _me_ , actually. No one wants someone like me. Which made sense so I never really thought about it much. It was just natural for me to be alone."

"I find that hard to believe."

"We all can't be blessed with stupidity like you, Yeager."

"I'll admit I'm not the sharpest knife in the draw, but I didn't say that because it's my opinion. I know someone like you doesn't quite understand emotions, but it requires no thinking. This is how I feel and feelings are never wrong. I think you're a great person and whoever couldn't see that were the actual stupid ones."

For some viciously cruel reason I can't explain, an image of Erwin appeared in my mind. I cringed bitterly. He's the only person who came close to a lover, except there was no love involved, only respect and lust over the other. But Eren's wrong. Erwin is far from stupid and the reason why he didn't fall in love with me because he  _did_  see who I truly was, meaning he was smart for staying away. Erwin tries to say it's for other reasons, like him being a solider with a short life span, but my insecurity refuses to accept that as the truth.

"You said so yourself," I began to remind him, "I'm a scary, facetious, cranky criminal with OCD. Honestly, who in their right mind wants to be with someone like that?"

"Me."

"Someone in their  _right mind_ , Eren." I twisted back to him and wish I hadn't, because his kind eyes entranced me. His flatten hand road up my chest, and traveled to my cheek where he began caressing it lovingly. "But you're also very kind and would take a bullet for an innocent stranger. You're just that type of person."

"As if. If I had time to get in front of a speeding bullet, I would get the innocent idiot and myself out of the bullets range."

"My point proven. You still care enough to save someone, you'd never run away and just protect yourself. You might not realize this, but that's a rare quality nowadays."

Eren cuddled up close, securely binding me in his arms and legs. His voice suddenly became groggy like he was talking in his sleep. "You're also  _very_  attractive."

I massaged his scalp, as I shook my head. "Those pretty eyes of yours can't see very well. What a pity."

Despite his apparent sleepiness, he went on to carefully say, "Hate to break it to you, Levi, but you're little tough facade isn't a good disguise. I see right though it and I know you have no confidence in yourself, and that's why you can't accept my compliments or believe me when I tell you something too good to be true. I don't know if that's cute or sad."

He hit the nail right on the head, shattering the weak wall I created and revealing the weak man trapped inside. He's right. I don't have any confidence. I can't even trust myself and my own decisions, never mind others. I don't even know why I'm letting him know such a disgraceful weakness. And I don't even know how an idiotic brat figured that out on his own when so many people never even considered it.

I jumped a little when he spoke again, because I was pretty damn sure at this point that he could read my mind and that was why he always said the right things. "I'm going to restore your confidence. Even if I have to tell you how great and handsome you are everyday. You deserve to hear that."

"Ew. Please don't." I begged with a scowl.

"I'm going to make you happy, Levi. I promise..." I must have drained the life out of the poor kid. He's so limp and slurring with a string of drool hanging from his lips—he's likely delirious too. At least he finally wore himself out. Still, what he said wasn't due to sleep deprivation. That much I was sure of. He meant what he said.

We commenced our traditional sleeping ritual and meshed our bodies snugly against each others and I placed an ear to that soothing heartbeat of his and closed my eyes. "You can start making me happy by shutting up and going to sleep."

And that was a promise he did certainly keep, which safely clears level one. If he really wanted to make me truly happy and was determined to spend the rest of his life with me, then he had many more levels to go until he finally reached the top. That exhausting journey would be a long and difficult one, but a very small flare of hope deep inside me was rooting for him with all its might.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, those boys really like to push it to the extremes, don't they? Geez, I'm tired just from proofreading through that. I just hope I delivered their first time decently! OTL
> 
> Anywho, in the next chapter Eren will receive some lessons in math. And sex. I'm pretty sure he'll get a passing grade in one of those lessons. Hint: Eren sucks at math, but he is quite good at sucking, literally. Hehe.


End file.
